Title: Soldiers of Destiny
Author: runeknight
Date: 8-20-2005
Rating: PG for now
Email: mordenaj@truman.navy.mil
Category: C/A
Genre: Crossover Angel / BTVS
Spoilers: Angel season 4 Buffy season 7
Summary: Cordy is in a coma can the gang rescue her in time and will their guest be able to help.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt created the characters in the Angelverse. No infringement is intended, no profit is made I am just poor.
Distribution: FSB, AO, ST if anywhere else please just let me know!
Feedback: Yes please!
A/N: Holtz never took Connor through the portal. Cordy left Groo on her vaction (will explain) she also refused to become a higher being but did not make it to the bluffs before morning so no confessions have been made.
A/N2: Thanks to Shal for beta and Lea for the help with writing you’re the best
A/N3: Thanks to Lea for the help with writing you’re the best
Part 6
Wesley retreated to his office as silence descended upon the hotel he needed time to think and be alone his day went bad to worse and for once it wasn’t because of his guilt or Angel.
“So is this a one man journey or can anybody join,” Xander asked as he slipped into the hotels office behind Wesley noticing that the ex-watcher was tense during his little speech.
“What do you want Xander?” Wesley asked annoyed not wanting to talk to anyone, especially not one of the Scoobies.
“Want I want lots of things but that’s not why I came in here, you look like you need to talk, I’m here to listen it’s what I do,” Xander answered moving to his more serious side he may be known as a joker but he knew when and when not to joke around and this was not the time for jokes.
“What do you mean?” Questioned Wesley
“Well I don’t have slayer strength, I’m not a creature of the night, I have no magical abilities, I just sit back and watch, and listen when people need to talk what can I say it’s my gift,” Xander answered nonchalantly trying to get Wesley to open up.
“What do you want to know?” Wesley continued actually appreciative that someone was showing him some concern it also surprised him that it was Xander Harris of all people.
“Actually I would like to know more about Cordelia but more importantly what’s with your fancy new birthmark or why your so called family was wary of you,” Xander said glad that Wesley was willing to talk.
“My family and birthmark are basically the same story,” Wesley grimaced he could feel the pain he caused deep within himself it was a deep rooted scar that would never disappear completely, it would always be there in the back ground waiting to be pulled forward time and time again.
“Tell away,” Xander urged him on he knew the ex-watcher needed to talk he could tell by his actions and demeanor if Wesley didn’t talk soon he would destroy himself.
“It’s Angel’s son Connor I kidnapped him, I took him and never planned on coming back all because of a fake prophecy, I betrayed Angel’s trust, I betrayed my family’s confidence in me and in the end I was played for a fool and had my throat slit and was left for dead. That’s where the mistrust you saw comes from the only reason I’m not dead is because Angel needs my help and he’s willing to move past what I did because he got Connor back. If Connor had been taken for good I wouldn’t be here, I most likely would be dead,” Wesley was relieved to be getting some tension off his chest, finally. He couldn’t talk to anyone else that he wanted to because those were the ones he betrayed.
“Deadboy would have killed you? I thought he didn’t kill humans, what stopped him? I don’t think Cordy would’ve let him kill you,” Xander said somewhat exasperated not quite believing what Wesley said.
“Well your wrong Fred and Gunn stopped him or he would’ve killed me and I believe Cordelia’s words at the time were ‘he took Connor kill him’ with no emotion in her voice at all,” Wesley corrected Xander’s assumption.
“What no way Cordy’s not like that,” Xander stammered not wanting to believe his ex-girlfriend could be like that, she may have terrorized people back in high school but she would never have stood by and watched Wesley murdered.
“Yes she is Xander, Cordelia isn’t innocent not anymore, she doesn’t walk in the light like you and Buffy her visions have shown her the truth of the world and she has changed accordingly, she no longer hides behind false innocence and a plastic smile,” the former watcher said bringing down the walls of denial that had sprung up in the boy sitting across from him.
“What do you mean she doesn’t walk in the light,” asked Xander confused at Wesley’s ridiculous words.
“Cordelia is still a champion, she still has a good soul but she doesn’t fight the evil in the world from the light like you guys do in Sunnydale, she dances in the shadows with Angel and no one or thing can change that and believe me they’ve tried. Cordelia likes the world of shadows, the world of darkness; she doesn’t have to hide there. The world of darkness may be evil and wrong but it holds the truth of the world and the truth is what Cordelia accepts now, she no longer believes in the falsities that come with the sun,” Wesley continued on painting a true picture of the women Cordelia has become no longer the girl that she once was.
“World of shadows huh…what I don’t get it?” Xander questioned getting more confused by the moment.
“It’s Angel Xander, he comes first and foremost in Cordelia’s life and he showed her that the world of shadows may be evil and wrong but it also shows the truth it doesn’t hide itself behind rays of sunshine and rainbows. Cordelia now accepts that world as her own and has blossomed in it, she has become a champion because of it but the price she paid is her innocence she can no longer can turn a blind eye to it. If something has to be done she’ll do it, no matter how much she hates herself for it. Every choice has its price and that was hers,” the former watcher said continuing his masterpiece painting of Cordelia for the disbelieving boy.
“Bastard,” was all Xander could say trying to blame Cordelia’s life on Angel.
“Don’t blame this on Angel Xander he may have introduced her to the world she now lives in but it was her choice to stay it was her choice to develop her darker desires. Angel showed her the world the way it is and gave her the choice to stay or leave she chose to stay and after she got the visions she no longer had a choice until the powers gave her the chance to get rid of them. As a matter of fact they gave her two chances to get rid of the visions and both times she’s chose to keep them. The visions are hers and Angel is her champion but more importantly Angel is her best friend. When she wakes up you’ll see what I mean but this conversation is over whether you accept it or not Cordelia fights the evil of the world from the shadows with Angel and she doesn’t plan on going anywhere that takes her away from him,” Wesley paused for a moment letting his word sink into the young mans head. “You also have to understand that they are best friends they thrive with each other but whither alone, they love each other in the truest sense of the word.” The rogue demon hunter finished tired of explaining his family’s lives to people who refuse to believe the truth from someone who lived that very same life.
“Wesley,” Xander asked letting the former watchers words sink in.
“What?” Questioned Wesley in an irritated voice
“Thanks,” answered Xander
“For what,” said the rogue demon hunter
“The truth,” stated Xander simply as he made his way back toward the hotel lobby needing to be alone to comprehend what was said. He still couldn’t believe that Cordelia would change so much or that she would choose to live in the night. He always believed that Cordelia relished the sun. She always lit up a room whenever she walked into it, people could get addicted to the light she radiated he knew he did but then he hurt by cheating with Willow, maybe Angel was just as addicted, by the look on his face and what Wesley had said it seemed that the vampire was, he looked lost without his friend.
Giles silently slipped into the office after Xander left he overheard the conversation and he had a few questions he wanted answered pertaining to Cordelia’s so called change and the darkness that he’s seen in the members of Angels investigations.
“What do you want Giles,” Wesley asked catching the man out of the corner of his eye.
“More information on what’s happened here in LA, why Cordelia would be the way you described to Xander I mean even in Sunnydale after everything she’s seen she was still innocent and I know it was more than just these visions Wes what were you holding back what’s caused the darkness I’ve seen in all your eyes?” Questioned Giles.
“Ever the watcher aren’t you,” Wesley replied sarcastically.
“Just answer the damn question,” Giles said with a hitch of anger in his voice.
“You want to know about what’s caused the darkness you see well take Gunn for instance he’s a street tough kid who’s been fighting vampires since before Buffy ever had a watcher, he was forced to stake his own sister. Fred over there she was a slave in a hell dimension for five years where humans are considered cattle. Me well having your throat slit and left for dead while your friends abandon you have nothing to do with why we have a little darkness,” Wesley spat out getting tired of all the questions.
“And Cordelia and Angel,” Giles prodded on he wanted the whole story.
“Angel’s darkness doesn’t need explaining Giles he’s a vampire and he’s spent time in hell.” Wesley answered simply.
“Cordelia.” Giles paused and rubbed the bridge of his nose; there was so much he didn’t understand. “Wesley, why would she let Angel kill you? Why would she suggest it in the first place?” Giles continued he wanted to know what caused one of his former students to change as much as these people claimed.
“Family Giles, she never had one in Sunnydale, sure she had parents who brought her objects but she didn’t consider them family, especially after they left her high and dry. The closest thing she had to true friends in Sunnydale is you and the Scoobies and you never accepted her, always treated her as an outsider. Here in LA Angel accepted her for who she is, let her be herself. Angel is her family Giles and Cordelia takes that very seriously it’s something she never truly had and not something she will let go. Cordelia will not let anything interfere with her family and I did just that, I betrayed them I took a member of her family with no intention of returning. I told Xander the truth Giles, Cordelia is not an innocent girl anymore she will do what is necessary to protect her family or get revenge if need be. I hurt her and she wanted revenge. Maybe by killing me she thought she could make me feel the pain she felt in betrayal I don’t know you’ll have to ask her that. But like I said Angel is her family first and foremost she will choose him before anybody else and they know it.” Wesley answered as he sat back down in the chair exhausted.
*****
Willow sat opposite Cordelia on Angel’s bed she had to get comfortable to be able to do this, the spell had been cast, the chant had been spoken and the witch reached out her mind and she fell into a trance.
*****
Willow looked around, she was in Cordelia’s mind, and she was surrounded in mist. The red head had no idea where to go but a voice caught her attention and she headed towards it, as she walked the mist got thicker and thicker, it felt as if it was grabbing hold of her and trying to pull her back, not let her go and see what was going on. Willow pushed her body hard forwards against an invisible force that was pushing her back. Her body ached, her breath came out in short pants, she had barely moved but it her energy, and her life force seemed to be getting sucked out of her.
“Willow is that you,” a voice echoed through the fog.
“Cordelia is that you it’s me Willow,” Willow said mustering the strength to speak.
“You shouldn’t be here you don’t have the strength,” Cordelia said as she stepped out of the fog and assisted her friend.
“Cor is that really you what’s happening why am I so weak,” the witch said exhausted her body refusing to cooperate with her mind as she slumped in the former cheerleaders arms.
“You shouldn’t be here Willow you can’t handle it you don’t have the strength,” Cordy said as she cradled her friends body getting ready to send her out she wasn’t going to let her friend die but she was going to keep her long enough to pass on the information she needed to help.
“But why this should be easy for me, now I’m so weak I promised Angel I could do this, I promised myself I could do this,” Willow muttered as she felt her life force being drained but more slowly now that Cordelia was present.
“I’m sorry Willow I truly am but you can’t do this only Angel can it’s a test from the powers they wanted to kill two birds with one stone so to speak. They wanted me to be able to control my demon so they overloaded me to bring a balance but at the same time they want to challenge their champions resolve to his seer,” Cordy replied keeping Willow with her to give her the clues to set Angel on his path.
“But how I don’t get it, Angel says he’s not a champion, he believes that you’re the champion,” the witch mumbled struggling to keep conscious.
“Of course that’s what he believes but he’s a dumbass, he truly is a champion Willow he helps people even when he’s miserable and hurting. He goes out of his way to save souls even if they hate him for it. He may not believe he’s a champion but he is he’s my champion, my hero but more importantly he’s my best friend. Willow you need to tell him to see the conduit he knows what I’m talking about his test will be there if he passes I’ll wake up if not I won’t but don’t tell him that or he’ll do something stupid.” Cordy said as she prepared to send Willow back to her body.
“But I don’t understand,” Willow whispered as her voice started to fail her.
“You don’t need to understand Willow I made the choice because I know Angel will pass so don’t worry and I’m sorry about this but it’s going to hurt but you’ll live.” Cordy replied as she sent Willow consciousness back to her body.
*****
A blood-curdling scream could be heard throughout the hotel as Willow’s body was thrown away from Cordelia and against the wall. Cracks imprinted themselves around her impact as plaster fell from the ceiling at the force of her expulsion from Cordelia’s mind.
“What the…Willow, Willow,” Angel said as he rushed to her prone body. He sat and watched in horror as she was thrown across the room.
“What the hell just happened,” Spike yelled as he rushed into the room followed by everybody else in the hotel.
“I know,” replied Lorne as he crossed the room to the witch’s waking form.
“Well what happened then,” asked an angry and worried Buffy as she watched blood flow out of a cut on Willow’s head and then it started to drop down the side of her face.
“She was thrown out of Cordy’s mind just like I was, the powers don’t like intruders,” answered the former Caritas host leaving out most of the details that they didn’t need to know like the fact that if she stayed in Cordy’s mind she would have died.
“Angel…. Conduit…save….Cor,” mumbled a now waking Willow silencing the argument that was about to erupt.
“Son of a,” growled an Angry Angel as he slammed his fist into the wall as he started to march down stairs to the lobby after asking Lorne to watch Connor.
“Angel…Angel,” called Fred as she followed him downstairs.
“Fred take care of everybody while I’m gone ok,” Angel told the petite physicist as he rummaged through Cordy’s desk looking for the directions to the conduit.
“But…but…I can’t,” mumbled Fred worry evident her squeaky voice.
“Yes you can Fred you once told us that we are a family remember. You said Gunn was the muscle, Wes was the brain that I was the champion and that Cordy was the heart. You forgot about yourself. I know what you are to this family your our hope. Our hope for a future, our hope for a brighter tomorrow and as long as we have hope we will always have a heart,” Angel told Fred trying to boost her confidence but also believing every word he said.
“Okay,” said the blurry-eyed Texan as tears welled up behind her eyes at Angel’s words.
*******
Buffy glanced down at her friend who was hurt and all because of Cordelia Chase. All she wanted to do was come down and spend some time with Angel, maybe something could have come of it they have both changed, both grown but as usual Cordelia had to be the center of attention, Buffy knew that this was irrational but she couldn’t help it, Cordelia had the close relationship with Angel the one that she should have had.
Angel couldn’t risk other people’s lives just for one person.
“Angel wait?” Buffy said as she caught up with him before he left.
“Buffy I really don’t have time to talk to you now I have to go to the conduit.” He told her impatience screaming through the tone of his voice.
“Willow was hurt because of Cordelia, you shouldn’t ask other people to do that for that bitch.” Buffy spat out.
Angel turned very slowly towards her his eyes blazed yellow, his demon was screaming inside of him, it was taunting him in his ear whispering sweet nothings telling Angel what he should do to the annoying slayer. The vampire stared at her intensely Buffy fidgeted getting very nervous as her slayer instincts kicking in. He stalked towards her like a predator hunting its prey until he was finally standing toe to toe with her.
His voice was deep and gravelly silent the threats obvious in the tone. “Let’s get something straight I talked to Willow and she OFFERED to help, I didn’t ask or force her into anything it was her choice and never, I repeat never say anything about Cordy again. You have no idea what she has been through, what she goes through all the time compared to her all of you have an easy time, now grow up, this is not about you.” He stopped raised an eyebrow at her and waited for her to say something. “Now we’re finished I have to go.”
“But Angel,” The slayer squeaked out before he got out the door.
“What the Fuck is your problem Buffy, get over it I don’t want you anymore I don’t love you that way and haven’t for a long time if you can’t deal with that and grow up then get the hell out of my house,” snapped an irate Angel as he slammed the behind him as he walked into the night.
“Angel why we were so perfect together?” Questioned the blonde powerhouse as she rushed out the hotel refusing to give up.
"When? Was it the time I slept with you and turned evil, or the time when I killed your teacher? Oh, let me guess, it was the time when I was repenting in Hell. Or was it the time when I tried to make things right after it was all over. Our relationship was sadistic and wrong. I tortured you with Angelus. You tortured me with...yourself. It was never-ending. And it needed to stop. It needs to stop, Buffy we’re through and it’s over now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to save the women I love and if you try to stop me again your slayer strength won’t save you,” Answered Angel in a deathly whisper that was more dangerous then any scream could possibly be as he turned and disappeared into the darkness.
Part 7
“Why have you called me here,” demanded Angel as he entered the conduits realm he was surrounded by an eerie light that came from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. There was no one around but he knew that he was not alone; you were never alone with the Powers That Be.
Lower being you have no right to question us or what we do this is your test are you ready
“Test, what test? We’ve been tested enough,” Angel spat out disgusted at the powers for giving him and Cordy another test.
You are a lower being you are done being tested when we deem you worthy
“Whatever let’s get it over with,” Angel resigned no longer willing to argue with a bunch of morons in his opinion. No matter what he said they were not going to listen to him unless it was in their best interests, which wasn’t often. The vampire shook his head in disgust.
You can quit at anytime but if you quit before the end the seer will die are you ready in the end you must trust what you fear the most
“I said let’s get it over with are you guys deaf, I promised to protect her, if this is how I’ve got to do it then I’ll do it, so lets get started,” Angel quipped getting irritated at the powers way of speaking. Their riddle was not lost on him he knew exactly what they meant about what he would have to trust.
A bright light descended upon Angel surrounding his body in mist that signaled the beginning of his test he didn’t like it somehow he felt wrong like he was someone else and then it hit him he was outside his body watching different events of Cordy’s life able to feel and remember everything but not able to interfere or quit if he quit Cordy would die and that was not acceptable. The vampire was going to have to watch her life and why did he have this deep dread that it wasn’t going to be happy memories, he tried to prepare himself but no matter what he knew deep down inside of him that it wasn’t going to work he would never be ready for this. His hands curled into fists, his nails bit into his palms as he waited to see what was coming and hoping that he would not let her down again as he had so many times before, if he did there wasn’t going to be anything that he could do, she would be dead.
*****
The mist surrounded Angel, it enveloped his body, he was lost; he couldn’t sense anything. He had been cut off from life itself, he could usually smell blood, emotions something but here there was nothing it felt unnatural but once again he had no choice he had to carry on slowly the mist started to clear and he could finally see where he was, at least he had one of his senses back Angel could see. He looked around and frowned this was Cordelia’s apartment what was he doing here? A scream echoed from the bedroom, it was a sound he recognized it was his best friend his light, it was Cordy. He ran to the bedroom as he reached out to touch the door know he walked straight through it and there was Cordelia sitting on the floor sobbing her heart out and an old woman standing looking down at the young woman was Dennis mother, he could hear the old woman talking, telling his friend how worthless she was, how low she was. He smiled and waited for Cordy to tell the ghost what was what, but she didn’t she reached out and took the noose.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” Angel screamed as he rushed to her it didn’t happen like this, it wasn’t supposed to. He reached out to grab her but his hands went straight through her body, he tried time and time again but it he could never hold her. He fell to his knees as her body dropped and the rope snapped tight and he heard a break as her neck snapped. Tears flowed from his eyes; he buried his head in his hands willing for the vision to go away. Angel wanted his sight to be taken away again, would it be worse to see and hear what was happening to her, or could he deal with just hearing her screams, neither he didn’t want to be here, he sure as hell didn’t want Cordy here.
The mist swirled around him, covering the nightmare of Cordelia dangling from the ceiling, her eyes puffy and red from the crying listening and believing everything that the ghost had said. He just stared into those once full of life hazel orbs and felt a part of him die; he would never forget this as long as he lived.
*****
Angel hears a noise his eyes closed tightly afraid of what he is going to see, the vampire tries to erase the image of his beloved Cordelia hanging, her body swinging backwards and forwards and her last thoughts being that she was alone and unloved and finally opens his eyes still terrified of what he would see but still knowing that he had to carry one otherwise he would lose her, the vampire looks around, he frowns it is some kind of warehouse what was he doing here? Memories began to surface from the deep recesses of his memory and then it came to him, it hit him like a speeding train with no brakes.
”No, not another one please.” He ran through some doors and there standing there in a pool of liquid was a very pregnant Cordelia. Fear flowed through his veins as she started to scream and clutch her stomach. He looked back towards the door and waited for Wes and himself to come, to rescue her but no one came and her screams got louder and louder. Angel covered his ears praying for the noise to stop, knowing full well what was going to happen. He couldn’t watch while the creature was being born, Cordy wasn’t going to survive it and Angel wasn’t sure he could cope with how she looked dead again covered in her own blood as her she died.
The mist arrives again and Angel hanged his head; at least the screams had stopped but what was going to happen next. He was starting feel sick to his stomach, all these memories were bad, the vampire would never be able to sleep and not see these images. Why were the Powers doing this? What was it going to prove?
*****
Angel looked around this was one place he didn’t recognise what was he doing here. There was nothing in his memory for this one; it was not even vaguely familiar. Fear ate away at his insides was this the future?
“Cordelia, it’s time to eat?” Said a soft feminine voice.
The vampire followed the voice, it could be only one Cordelia; he had been shown other visions of Cordy dying or being in pain what was it going to be this time? He slowly walked towards a room, fear choked him if he had a heartbeat, if he breathed both would have stopped at the image in front of him. He had walked into a white room, the walls were padded and lying on the floor strapped in a straight jacket was Cordelia, her hair was straight and greasy, her face was pale and her eyes were red and vacant. Angel knew what they had been doing, she was being pumped full of medication, but why?
A new nurse walked in her face full of concern over the young tortured woman.
“What happened to her?” She asked her voice soft.
“She was in a hotel in LA, she was brought in she was buying art gifts for a friend when she collapsed and all she kept doing was screaming over and over again. She had to be sedated and no one has been able to get through to her.” The elder nurse said.
Angel walked over and sat beside Cordy he wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms but he couldn’t, this was all his fault if she had never met him none of this would have happened. As Angel watched his best friend stare at the ceiling through sightless eyes the mist descended upon him again. Over and over again his mind screamed at him why were they doing this? And as he relived thing that had happened to her time and time again Angel was amazed by the young woman and disgusted with himself, he was the one who had caused all this, guilt flooded him, it was as if a dam had been opened, the vampire felt as if he were drowning in it. It was pulling him under and there was no one to rescue him. Angel shook his head trying to push it deep down to repress it; he couldn’t do the guilt thing now he had a best friend to save, he had to focus, trust that his love for Cordelia will get him through this.
*****
The mist cleared again but this time it was getting quicker, it seemed as if the memories had started off slow and once they warmed up they began to speed up, the memories themselves were in normal speed but the mist in between was getting shorter and shorter, it seemed as if they Powers That Be were not giving him a chance to get his emotions together before they put him into the next memory. Not that it would matter Cordy’s death is something he could never get over, something he would never want to see.
He gazed warily around him, he waited for something to jump out and hit him. He was Caritas he saw Gunn, Fred and Lorne something about this was nagging at him and a scream echoed from Lorne’s room, he rushed through the doors and there was Darla draining the very life out of her and all Angel could do was watch as her life ebbed away like the sand in an hour glass. Without thinking Angel licked his lips, his mouth suddenly dry and then he realised what he was doing, disgusted with himself he turned away from the door and froze. The vampire just stood there like a statue he had become numb, why was he being tested like this? Hadn’t all of AI proved there worth time and time again?
*****
The last memories seem to rush through his mind the blonde vampire Harmony killing Cordelia, his seers head braking open and the spawn birthing through her skull, Cordy’s brain blasting out of the back of her head and splattering on the wall as the visions took there toll, her screams echoing through his mind and the stench of death that surrounded Cordy where ever she went and each time he couldn’t save her all he could do was watch. What was going on? Why were the memories being rushed it was just a montage of clips and sounds, ones that he wanted to forget and all the memories that he already gone through were repeating themselves over and over again. Angel couldn’t take it, he couldn’t deal with this he opened his mouth and let out an agonising scream, trying to rid himself of the pain.
“Please no not this never this.” He begged closing his eyes trying to forget everything that he had seen.
Then everything became silent all the images disappeared Angel slowly opened them not really wanting to but knowing he had no choice in the matter. It had all started again, he thought that with the quick images they had come to the end but they had tricked him. They managed to get him off balance once again; and once again closed his eyes not sure how long he could endure this. Not sure if he had the strength to keep fighting, to stay sane, to hang on to the very end, to save her.
*****
“Angel, am I a bad person is this my punishment for how I was in high school,” Angel heard Cordy’s voice as he opened his eyes.
Angel sat and watched in horror as the next manifesting vision hit Cordelia her eyes bulged in pain as the slash slowly made its way across her throat letting her lifeblood slowly seep down her neck and onto her clothes. Angel felt his body real or otherwise beginning to go numb as he watched the life drain out of his best friends eyes as her heart stopped.
“Why? Why are you doing this none of it happened this way why?” Angel screamed as tears flowed down his face as the mist began to descend upon him again. Why would they make his worse nightmares come true? The ones he had late at night as he failed her time and time again.
*****
“You really are a terrible actress,” Angelus remarked silkily his voice oozed sex appeal. Angel slowly opened his eyes again hearing his own voice, and knowing whom that voice belonged to and he was horrified at the scene in front of him.
“No, it didn’t happen this way this is wrong,” Angel screamed as he recognized what was happening Cordelia was supposed to convince him that the water was holy water but this was different he watched as Angelus dripping with water lunged and tackled Cordelia to the ground sinking his fangs into her throat and slowly draining her life away. Cordy eyes wide with fear as the man she trusted sucked the blood straight from her body, Angel could see her arms start to dangle at her sides as she become weaker and weaker from blood loss and Angelus didn’t look like he planned on stopping, his eyes were bright with lust, with excitement as he savoured every last drop like a fine wine. Angel grabbed his own arms in horror and fear as he felt Cordy’s spicy blood running down his throat. So smooth, so warm and flowing so easily. Bile rose in Angel as he could feel the enjoyment of actually tasting her blood.
“God no, oh god no, no, no,” Angel started to mumble as the mist descended upon him once again his will power starting to break at the site of his best friend dying over and over again. But it was getting worse first it was him not being able to protect her, now it was him killing her.
*****
Angel opened his eyes as the mist left him and screamed this vision was different from the rest he wasn’t watching from the sidelines this time he was actually in the body trapped behind the eyes. He recognized this as Sunnydale it must’ve been when he was Angelus in Sunnydale.
Angelus stalked through the cemetery he could feel his soul within him, it was locked up just like he had been for 100 years. He could smell the blood of a young person; the perfume told him it was a girl, just what he was in the mood for a midnight snack he crept through the shadows following her closely. He smiled to himself, Angelus could see her looking around nervously her heart was pounding, her breathing sped up and he could sense her blood flowing through her veins so warm, so tasty. The tight red jersey hugged to her trim figure.
He could feel the soul within him screaming for him to stop, seeing what Angelus had planned in his mind but there was nothing that the soul could do. He was just a prisoner in the sadistic monsters mind, something that was being ignored as Angelus did what he wanted to, what he was good at.
Angelus reached out and grabbed the girl by the throat and pulled her hard against him, he rubbed her pale neck with his thumb sensing the thump of life within, he pushed her head back and slowly sunk his teeth deep into her neck, as the blood flowed into his mouth taking the edge of the thirst but still driving for more he was insatiable. Angelus recognized the girl as Cordelia, the feisty one that always hangs around insulting the slayer. The vampire laughed as the thought of changing her passed through his mind and imagining what she could do to the slayer and her little friends but no, it was too late for her and this one seemed to hurt the soul more than anything else.
“My dear Cordelia don’t worry it won’t hurt…. much,” Angelus smirked before sinking his fangs back into her throat intent on draining the spicy blood completely out of her.
As the last ounce of blood was running down his throat Angelus could feel the hold on the soul break as his eyes glowed a fiery color as he collapsed onto the ground coughing up the little blood that he hadn’t swallowed yet.
“NOOOOOOOOOOO,” Angel screamed, as he broke free of his prison he could still feel and taste Cordy’s blood as he crawled over to her lifeless body and cradled her in his lap for a few minutes trying to stop her bleeding with his hands before he realized what he had done he slowly backed away from her body staring at his bloody hands as darkness started swirl around inside of him as guilt and shame overwhelmed his body.
Angel curled himself up into a ball as he brought his bloody hands to cover his face as the light in his eyes faded into nothingness. His body no longer had any feeling, he no longer remembered what was happening as his will finally gave way no longer able to fight anymore. He still refused to quit but no longer remembering why he just knew that he couldn’t quit the only thought he had left in him.
“Must save Cordy, must save Cordy, no, no I killed Cordy, no never hurt Cordy love Cordy,” Angel was muttering and mumbling as his body was brought back to the conduit where Skip was waiting to bring the champion home sadness was reflected deep in his eyes as he looked at the broken man in the eyes and shuddered as he saw nothing in them.
*****
Cordelia sat straight up and blinked a few times to gather her bearing she recognized Angel’s room as she glanced around. She noticed Fred sleeping in the chair in the corner as Conner was playing in his playpen.
Cordy slowly got out of bed and stretched as she walked over and picked up Connor who was smiling brightly at her.
“Who’s the bestest baby in the whole wide world. Looks like daddy passed his test,” Cordelia said as she walked over to wake Fred up and go downstairs and wait for Angel with one of her megawatt smiles beaming on her face.
“Fred…. Fred,” Cordy whispered as she poked Fred in the arm trying to wake her up gently.
“Huh…. what oh Cordy…. CORDY,” Fred screamed as she jumped out the chair bouncing around trying to hug her friend but at the same time trying not to crush Connor.
“Calm down Fred I’m not going anywhere so lets go downstairs and wait for Angel,” Cordy called as she made her way out the bedroom door.
Part 8
Cordelia took in the scene in the hotel lobby as she descended the stairs. Gunn was sitting on the counter talking quietly with Lorne while Giles was sitting next to the couch tending a wounded Willow who was not to happy about being molly-coddled by the look on her face, Xander, Buffy and Dawn were by the doors that led to the garden having what looked to be an argument.
As Cordelia made it to the lobby a smile bright on her face until she saw Spike and her smile instantly disappeared and her mood darkened into nearly unsuppressed rage still remembering what Spike did to her vampire the last time he graced them with his presence, she remembered all those holes that marred his beautiful skin where the pokers had been shoved into him, how when they released him he could barely stand and she remembered the rage that ran through her veins and vowing in her mind that she would make Spike pay for it. Not bothering to fight the urge to hurt the blonde vampire Cordelia turned around and handed Connor over to Fred as she marched across the lobby ignoring everyone’s greeting and surprise until she planted a fierce right hook to Spike’s face that sent him flying across the room.
“Oww bloody hell cheerleader what was that for,” Spike whined as he caressed his injured jaw as he picked himself up off the floor. The vampire stared at her as if this was the first time he had seen her.
“First off my name is Cordelia not cheerleader and that wasn’t half of what you deserve for what you did the last time I saw you. I seem to remember chains and hot pokers and a few other neat little toys would you rather I repay you in kind.” Cordelia spoke in calm but menacing voice.
Spike didn’t say a word as he looked back at the hazel eyes that were searing with fire as Cordelia stared back at him. At the look he saw in her eyes Spike slowly slid away from her knowing full well she was not lying.
“Cordelia that’s enough,” Giles demanded from his seat near the sofa.
“Oh I haven’t even got started yet,” Cordelia said as silvery glow emanated from her eyes as she saw Wesley pacing around in Angel’s office. Cordelia slowly paced her way toward the office her anger rising with each painstakingly slow step.
As Cordelia made her way toward the office Gunn and Lorne took the time to retreat behind the counter knowing full well that fireworks were coming.
“What are you guys doing?” Questioned Xander as he followed the street tough and demon behind the counter.
“Were hiding there creampuff, our princess is rather pissed right now and we want to survive to see another beautiful day,” answered Lorne trying to shield his eyes from Cordelia’s screaming aura.
As Buffy watched Xander disappear behind the counter she and Dawn made their way toward Spike who was still on the floor nursing a sore jaw and a bloody lip.
“Are you alright Spike?” Dawn asked nervously not wanting to bother Spike too much knowing his pride was probably hurt.
“I’ll live niblet but boy she is bloody well strong,” answered the vampire as he dusted himself off looking curiously at the cheerleader who was disappearing into the office. Spike could feel the power coming off Cordelia in waves and it scared him because for some reason he knew this wasn’t half of what she was capable of.
Buffy saw the fear in Spike’s eyes as he looked at Cordelia and was going to question it but decided not to she’d heard enough about Cordelia today to last her a lifetime.
*****
Wesley saw the faint glow in Cordelia’s eyes as she entered the office and he knew he was in for it. Wesley thought he could prepare for anything but nothing could prepare him for the hurt and rage in Cordelia’s eyes.
“How could you Wesley, how could you, why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you talk to someone?” Screamed the ex may-queen as she slammed the office doors as she entered.
“You were on vacation what could you possibly do,” answered Wesley trying to put on a brave face but truth was he was more scared of Cordelia then he was of Angel.
“Vacation, vacation I was at my apartment if you bothered to call you would have known that,” Cordelia yelled at the rogue demon hunter’s excuse.
“But Angel, you…. Groo,” stammered the ex-watcher confused.
“Your right Angel gave me money to send me on vacation but when I got home I knew Groo wasn’t what I wanted so I took Angel’s money and sent Groo away told him to go find his princess. I still have the potion if you don’t believe me. But that doesn’t matter Wesley we had an understanding remember we talk to each other when we have problems. I can understand your hesitation with the others Wes but this is me, Cordy.” Cordelia said the rage receding from her eyes as hurt became dominant.
“I’m sorry Cor it’s just I had no time the prophecy said Angel was going to kill Connor,” Wesley whispered subdued knowing Cordelia had just won the argument.
“Pffft you know full well that Angel would never hurt his son. Oh and your talking hamburger said the father would devour the son not kill him which Angel did thanks to Wolfram and Hart spiking his blood. You of all people should know to look behind the meaning of words Wesley I thought you learned your lesson with the shanshu prophecy,” Cordelia said knowing her and Wes’s friendship was on its way to recovering but also knowing she would never forgive him either.
“I know,” Wes, mumbled as he slumped down in the chair behind the desk.
Cordelia was about to rip into Wesley again when she felt the familiar tingle that meant to her that Angel was around but this time however it was different more complete somehow she knew exactly where he was as she bolted out of the office and upstairs so fast the others had trouble following.
*****
Cordelia burst into Angel’s room her bright smile beaming on her face as her eyes were alight with joy and happiness but all that disappeared as she saw her resident vampire huddled in the corner of his room as if he was trying to get away from some unseen enemy.
“Angel,” Cordelia tentatively asked as she approached the vampire the Scoobies and AI gang making their way into the room minus Willow and Giles who stayed in the hotel lobby.
“No, no, no not real never real, I killed Cordy, no never kill Cordy, not real, not real, your not real,” Angel said as he watched the figure approach him.
“Oh god what did they do to you,” Cordy asked as tears welled up behind her eyes.
“Nothing he didn’t deserve,” Xander quipped regrettably as all the eyes in the room stared daggers at him.
Cordelia was about to rip into Xander when she heard Angel mumbling again.
“Love Cordy, Love Cordy, never hurt Cordy, killed Cordy, always kill Cordy, no never kill Cordy, love Cordy, must trust love, love never lies,” Angel muttered contradicting himself.
Tears welled up and threaten to burst from Cordelia’s eyes. Somehow the powers had managed to use her against the man she was in love with and it tore her apart and filled her heart with love knowing that he sacrificed it all for her.
“It’s okay Cor, it’s okay to let it go,” Wesley whispered as he approached her.
“No it’s not okay it’ll never be okay they used me against him, they used ME to break him,” Cordy screamed as the tears in her eyes were replaced by a vehement rage directed toward the Powers.
“I think,” Buffy started as she approached Angels form huddled in the corner.
“EVERYBODY GET OUT, GET OUT NOW,” Cordelia yelled as her body began to faintly glow as anger and despair overwhelmed her.
“But,” Buffy tried to get out but was cut off as Spike grabbed and dragged her out of the room knowing that the slayer wasn’t wanted or needed in that situation.
Spike knew how to torture like the best of them but what he saw was something beyond masterful. Whoever these Powers were they took torture to a whole new level and it sickened him that he witnessed their victim. But there was also a hint of envy in his emotions as well because he knew that Angel let them do this to him to protect the woman he loves.
*****
“What’s going on guys?” Asked Willow tentatively as she saw the group come slowly down the stairs.
“Angel’s back,” answered Dawn in a sad voice, her eyes and mind elsewhere trying to forget what she saw her heart went out to Cordelia and Angel, all they wanted was the other one safe and sound and for their troubles, it seemed to the teen that they were getting punished for it. She thought that these Powers were here to help people but what they were putting through the two upstairs was nothing but cruelty.
“Really how is he,” replied Willow not knowing what they saw upstairs.
“Believe me red you don’t wanna know,” answered Spike
“And Cordelia,” started Giles figuring something had happened to Angel that the others didn’t want to talk about much less remember.
“Won’t leave him,” cut off Wesley as he slowly paced across the lobby sadness and fear for his friends radiated off his steps. He had helped one but in doing that the other was hurting, when would this all stop.
“We need to know what happened so we can help,” Giles said trying to information his watcher curiosity ever present.
“Just get off it,” grumbled Gunn angrily from his position on the counter.
“But,” started Giles again as he started to pace around the room as well.
“They bloody hell tortured him okay, they used Cordelia to torture him. Right now the bloody poof is sitting up there thinking that Cordelia is a figment of his imagination and that he’s going to kill her. I don’t know what they did and it’s not something I want to remember so like the kid said get off it,” Spike snapped at Giles knowing it would be the only way he would let it go. The blonde vampire briefly glanced up the stairs he may not like Angel and probably never would but this, he didn’t deserve this and the cheer uhh Cordelia definitely didn’t she had been dragged into this life a long time ago back in Sunnydale and yet she remained even before the visions. Spike smiled softly at the memory of the brunette holding a crossbow at him, even then she had guts and there was a fire in her eyes, she would stand up and protect those she cared for, hell she even did it for innocents they met. He hoped that they would come through this for her; Spike would hate to think what would happen to her if Angel never came out of this.
Willow gasped at Spike’s revelation and a wave of guilt hit her she’s the one that sent Angel on that test. Her heart pounded in her chest, her face became paler and tears started to well up in her eyes. If anything happened to Angel it would be her fault. She only wanted to help.
“It’s not your fault Willow, Angelcakes knew what he was getting into when he left,” Lorne said as he saw Willow’s slight gasp and her aura darken. The green demon walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. Willow turned and buried her head in his suit jacket and Lorne wrapped his arms around her while the young woman sobbed fear flowing from every pore in her body.
*****
“What do you want?” Questioned Cordelia as she felt another presence appear in the room hadn’t they done enough, she wanted to yell and scream out them to hurt them as much as they had hurt her and her family but she knew that it wouldn’t get her anywhere.
“How are you miss Chase?” Greeted Skip the armor plated demon that worked for the powers.
“Skip,” stated Cordelia to upset and sad to bother with formalities ignoring the stupid question that he had asked. How did he think she was when one of the people she cares most about has been driven insane with images of killing her, but that didn’t need to be said. Her mind whispered sarcastically in her ear.
“Right down to business then, he needs you,” Skip said getting right to the point.
“I know, but,” Cordelia replied not knowing what to do.
“You need to be strong for him Miss Chase. He’s always been your strength when you needed to be weak now it’s your turn to be strong. He’s not strong enough to do this without you, not anymore,” Skip said sliding in a hint hoping she would catch it.
“What do you mean not strong enough, Angel is the strongest person I know and what do you mean by not anymore,” Questioned the seer as she saw a slight smile grace Skip’s silvery face. It was odd seeing it on the demons face, the only other demon, apart from Angel, that she had seen smile was Lorne and he did it all the time.
“I mean exactly what I said Miss Chase in order for him to pass the test he had to give in and accept his greatest fear. His Love for you is what he gave in to. He completely opened his heart to you and now its up to you to save it,” Skip said answering her question. Watching the myriad of emotions that ran across her face.
“You mean,” Cordelia tried to ask as a lump got caught in her throat. She couldn’t get the words past it and her mind was having problems believing what he was saying and her heart, well she was sure it had stopped beating, maybe she was dead.
“Yes Miss Chase, he’s in love with you, it was that love that allowed him to face those trials even though he watched you die repeatedly, somewhere in the recesses of his mind he knew the real you was alive,” Skip answered as sadness welled in his eyes as he remembered what the powers did to their champion.
Emotions raged through Cordelia’s body and mind as she listened to Skip’s explanation. Anger was a more dominant one as she heard that the Powers had made Angel watch her die over and over and from Angel’s words earlier somehow they had made him kill her as well.
“If what you say is true why does Angel think he killed me himself, you said he just watched me die?” Questioned Cordelia with false strength trying to get the whole story. Needing to know what had been done to him.
Skip drew in and released a deep breath before answering “Angelus, they made Angel sit behind the eyes of Angelus and feel all the emotions and pleasure Angelus took in draining you and the moment you died they brought Angel back with your blood still in his mouth.”
“Oh god no,” Cordelia said as the tears she’s been holding back threatened to break free. They were tears of fear, pain but also of anger. It raged through her like a tidal wave, her eyes glittered bright as she stalked towards Skip staring at him straight in the eyes. He could see the fury in them, the fire. “Let me get this straight the Powers That Be, the good guys let Angel see me die time and time again right but no that wasn’t enough they had to take him to a place that he had been trying to redeem himself from. His fear, his terror of becoming Angelus and hurting the ones he loves and you.” She said in a restrained voice as she poked him in the chest. “Did it on purpose, you assholes what the hell were you doing are you trying to totally destroy him because I tell you if anything does happen to him and I don’t get him back I will be coming after you guys and the horrors you’ve sent to me will be nothing compared to what I do to you.”
“Miss Chase it’s time for me to go, just know that he needs you now more then ever. When he gave in to his love for you, your bond became stronger, he can no longer survive without you,” Skip replied as he disappeared leaving Cordelia to bring back the man she loves but also wanting to get away from this woman she was starting to frighten him.
Cordy turned to Angel she wasn’t sure what to do so she turned back to Skip but he had vanished.
“Typical.” She muttered.
Her attention came back to the vampire who was huddled on the bed staring at her with guilt, sadness and fear in his eyes. The brunette’s heart broke over and over again as she saw him and that was when it hit her, she did love him with everything she was that is why none of her relationships worked because she loved him, she realized she let her feelings slip in her thoughts a little earlier as well but was to upset to take notice until now. Each step she took to be by him seemed like an eternity, a step closer to her destiny. She reached out a delicate hand and touched him on the shoulder.
The vampire turned to her, his eyes turned yellow he wanted this torment to be over, he was weak and couldn’t do this anymore his Cordy was dead and he killed her, this was the worst hell he had ever been in, watching her die over and over again but he couldn’t take it anymore he just wanted it to end.
One minute she was reaching out to him and the next she had been slammed against the wall with Angel whispering in her ear.
“No more please, she died because of me, why is she alive now? You are tormenting me.” His game face appeared. “I have to end this you should be gone by now. You are the one doing this to me. Why are you doing this to me it needs to end I’m going to end it.”
*****
Downstairs in the Hyperion Spike heard Angel upstairs and what he had said to Cordelia with that he rushed up the stairs leaving curious looks behind him.
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