Title: Somebody To Love
Author: Luckylyn
Posted: 11-06-2003
Email:
Rating: R
Category: Season 3 BTVS
Content: B/A (don’t kill me. It won’t last), C/W, C/A eventually
Summary: What if Cordy and Angel became friends on BTVS?
Spoilers: Season 3 BTVS
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Just Fic, Midnight Tempest
Notes: This fic begins after that episode where Buffy breaks up with Angel after he pretends to lose his soul to trick Faith.
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Thanks/Dedication:Part 1
It was all over once again. It wouldn’t last. Angel knew that. He and Buffy always found themselves back together for better or for worse. These days it was worse.
He wished they could go back to that time before Buffy had seen him as Angelus. They could pretend the past didn’t exist, but Buffy had seen first hand what he was capable of and no matter how hard she tried she could not forget it. How could she? He’d terrorized her and the people she cared about for a year.
Did he want her to forget it? No. He wanted her to look at him as he was with all his sins and love him anyway, but he didn’t believe he was worthy of that kind of love from anyone. After all he had done, he didn’t deserve that kind of peace, and he doubted anyone could look past all that.
So he sat at the bar in some dive called “Girlies.” He couldn’t keep track of how much he’d had to drink. The bartender had tried to kick him out when all the other patrons had left, but Angel growled. The bartender had no comment.
“Don’t you think it’s time to stop now,” he heard a woman’s voice say behind him.
It sounded familiar but Angel wasn’t in the mood to talk. He ignored her.
“Angel,” she called.
He turned and was surprised to find Cordelia Chase standing behind him. She was wearing the barely there costume that the other waitresses were wearing; a pair of short shorts and a top that looked more like suspenders than a shirt. That’s when he lost his balance and fell off the barstool. She helped him up.
“I’m alright,” he said. “I’m going.”
“I’ll drive you,” Cordelia said. “Where are your car keys?”
“I”m driving,” he said as he wobbled to the door.
He nearly fell again, but Cordelia caught him. He put his arm around her for balance. They walked to the parking lot and somehow Cordelia had managed to take his keys.
“I’m driving,” he said stubbornly.
“Sure, Angel,” Cordelia replied helping him into the passenger seat.
They didn’t talk as she drove him to the mansion. When they got there she helped him out of the car. It was difficult for her to get him into the house because he was leaning on her.
“Come on Angel,” she said. “Let’s get you to the couch.”
But they didn’t make it. Angel fell over taking Cordelia with him. They end up on the floor with Angel on top of her.
“Angel!”
He didn’t respond. He had passed out. She was pinned to the ground unable to move her arms. She tried to get up, but she couldn’t move.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Cordelia said exasperated.
Part 2
Cordelia couldn’t believe her bad luck. She tried to move again but Angel was to heavy for her. She’d had fantasies like this over the years except Angel wouldn’t be passed out drunk. He’d be awake and doing things that would make her body tingle for weeks. Reality was no fun at all. He moved slightly but only to bury his head between her breasts.
“Perve,” Cordy muttered.
Somehow she managed to fall asleep. When Angel woke up the next morning, he was surprised to find his head resting on Cordelia’s exposed breast. Her top had come undone in the middle of the night. He shot up from the floor as if he’d been touching fire. He quickly took off his coat and put it over her.
“What happened last night?” He wondered and then he remembered.
He bent down to pick Cordy up from the floor and put her on the couch. He gently put her down. The movement woke her up.
“You’re up!” she said sitting up letting the coat fall off her shoulders.
She quickly realized she was exposed and rearranged her top. She then put Angel’s coat back on her and held it closed with her hands. It hadn’t bothered her the night before when he’d seen what she was wearing because he was too drunk and she was too distracted but it was daylight now. Cordy didn’t want anyone she knew seeing her that way. She got up from the couch and turned to Angel. For a second, he saw her vulnerability but that faded into a look of defiance.
“You owe me big time,” she said.
“I’m sorry about falling on you,” Angel said.
“I’ve gotta go get ready for school,” she said rushing towards the door.
“It’s Saturday, Cordelia,” Angel said.
She stopped in her tracks remembering.
“What were you doing at that place?” he asked her.
She hesitated so long he was beginning to think she would never reply, “My parents had some IRS problems and had to leave the country.”
“Your parents didn’t leave you anything?”
“They took everything they could with them,” Cordy said.
“You shouldn’t work at that bar,” Angel said.
“I need the money,” she replied. “I’ve got this other job for after school at this dress shop, but it doesn’t pay enough.”
“I could help you out,” Angel offered.
“I can take care of myself,” Cordy said heading for the door. “I never saw you last night and you never saw me okay?”
Angel nodded and she walked out the door.
***
Later that night when the bar was closing up, Cordy was surprised to see Angel walk in the door. He had wanted to talk to her some more and convince her to let him help her. He didn’t know how to convince her.
“Hi, Angel,” she said warily.
“You’ve still got my coat,” he replied.
“I was going to drop that off at your place tomorrow afternoon. It’s at my place now,” Cordelia said.
“I’ll give you a ride home,” Angel said.
“Okay, I’ll just get my stuff,” Cordy said going behind the bar.
She put on her jacket and walked with Angel to the door.
They didn’t talk on the drive to the Sunnydale Motel. Angel followed her to her room.
“It’s over on the chair,” she said walking into her room.
Angel stood outside because she didn’t invite him in. She went to the door to hand him his coat.
“Cordelia, let me in,” Angel said.
“You don’t have to save me, Angel,” she replied.
“Can we just talk?” he said.
“Okay, come in,” she said going to sit on the bed.
Angel took a chair by the door and put it in front of her. He sat down and then realized he had no idea what to say.
“How are you?” Cordelia asked me.
The question threw him off, “Fine.”
“You didn’t look fine last night.”
“Buffy and I broke up.”
“You’ll get back together,” she said. “It’s what you guys do. What happened this time?”
“The whole trick on Faith freaked her out,” Angel explained.
“Was it easy pretending to be Angelus?”
“No,” Angel said getting uncomfortable. “Can we not talk about me?”
“At least you got to hit Xander,” Cordelia said.
“That part was good,” he said.
Angel and Cordy exchanged a smile.
He spoke before the thought, “ Why don’t you just stay with me?”
“I can’t,” Cordy said. “If people knew I was staying with you
they’d find out about what happened with my parents. I don’t want anyone to know.”
“Your friends could help you through this,” Angel said.
Cordy shook her head, “Harmony and her flock would enjoy my problems too much and the Scoobies...”
She didn’t bother finishing the sentence. She didn’t want them pitying her, and Angel understood that.
“I’m okay, Angel.” Cordy said. “Don’t worry about me. Once graduation comes I’ll be out of this town anyway.”
“Where will you go?”
“New York. Maybe LA. I haven’t decided yet.”
“I could help you out until then, lend you some money. I don’t want you to have to go back to that place,” Angel said.
He could tell she was tempted to accept the offer.
“Remember, I do owe you for last night,” Angel said.
“I’ll pay you back,” she said.
Cordy kept her job at the dress shop and quit the job at “Girlies.” Things were different now between her and Angel. They would hang out sometimes in her hotel room. Most nights she’d end up at the mansion having dinner. He was worried she wasn’t eating enough, and he tried to make her something. They confided in each other. Angel told her about his family and she told him about hers. He knew way more than he wanted to about her crush on Wesley, and she knew how much meeting Buffy had meant to him. Cordelia had never understood how alone and unloved he had been.
“Sometimes I fell like I’m still alone,” he told her one night as they sat outside watching the stars.
“You aren’t alone Angel,” Cordy replied taking his hand and squeezing it.
“Neither are you,” he replied looking into her eyes.
He was going to miss her when she left Sunnydale.
Part 3
They walked down the street together, but Cordy suddenly stopped in her tracks.
“Cordy?” Angel asked wondering what had happened.
“Just let me drool awhile,” she said mesmerized by the goodies in the bakery window. “They make the best brownies ever.”
“Let’s go in then,” he said.
“No, it’s way too fattening besides they don’t sell the brownies individually, and it costs $25 for half a dozen,” Cordy said. “I’m watching my spending these days.”
“They’re insane,” Angel said shaking his head. “ $25 for 6 brownies.”
So when Angel showed up at her motel room door with a box of brownies a week later all Cordy could say was, “What’s wrong?”
Angel walked into her room setting the box of brownies on her bed. He paced as he tried to find the right words.
“I’ve got three things to tell you,” he said.
“And obviously I won’t like it,” Cordy said.
“First, Buffy and I are back together,” Angel said.
“I figured that,” Cordy said.
She knew the demon aspect letting Buffy read minds brought Buffy and Angel close again. She just hoped the roller coster that was the Buffy and Angel saga would go smoothly for a while. She figured that’s what Angel needed.
“Second, she read some stuff from your mind that you didn’t want her to know,” Angel said.
“So she knows about my parents and everything,” she said sounding defeated. “They all know now.”
“No they don’t,” Angel said. “ The third thing is that I talked her into leaving the others out of it.”
Angel chose not to mention that he and Buffy had gotten into an argument about Angel developing a friendship with Cordy without telling her.
Angel hated how stiff Cordy’s posture was. He knew she didn’t trust the secret would be kept. He opened the box of brownies and handed her one. She smiled at him slightly and took a bite.
“Are you sure she won’t tell them?” she asked.
“She promised,” Angel said.
He saw her shake it off and then she said, “So did she read any juicy stuff from your mind?”
“It didn’t work on me,” Angel said.
“Lucky you,” Cordy said.
“You want to go for a drive?” Angel offered.
“Sure,” Cordy replied. “Can I drive?”
“No.”
“It’s not like I’ve never driven it before,” Cordy said.
“I was drunk and you took advantage,” Angel said.
“Fine. Then no brownies for you,” Cordy replied grabbing her jacket from her chair, grabbing the brownies and heading towards the door.
“Hey, I bought you those brownies,” Angel said.
“Exactly, and now they are all mine,” Cordy said opening the door.
She was shocked to find Buffy and Mrs. Summers standing on her threshold.
“Should’ve known you’d be by,” Cordy said walking back into the room.
“Angel?” Buffy said surprised to find him there.
“Hey Buffy,” he said putting his arm around her. “Hello Joyce.”
“Hello Angel,” Mrs. Summers said and then she turned to Cordy. “Buffy filled me in on your situation and I think you should just come stay with us.”
Cordy turned to Angel and Buffy looking betrayed and said, “You told me she wouldn’t say anything.”
“Buffy, I thought we talked about this,” Angel said hurt by the distrust in Cordy’s eyes.
“I only told my Mom. You said not to say anything to Xander, Willow, and Giles but you never said anything about my Mom. Cordy, I only want to help,” Buffy said.
“I don’t need your help,” Cordy said. “I’m 18 and perfectly capable of being on my own.”
“You don’t have to be on your own,” Mrs. Summers said.
“It’s what I want,” Cordy said. “Thank you for the concern, but I’ll be just fine.”
“Well, the offer still stands if you change your mind,” Mrs. Summers said heading for the door. “Buffy?”
“Angel can take me home, Mom,” Buffy said.
And so Buffy, Angel, and Cordy stood in her room awkwardly.
“I know you like to keep up a front Cordelia, but you don’t have to,” Buffy said. “I’m your friend.”
“We aren’t friends,” Cordy said. “We tolerated each other for Xander’s sake, but we’ve never been friends.”
Angel could tell that Cordy was barely holding it together. She was seconds from either breaking down into tears or getting mad. Angel knew that being angry was more likely.
“She needs space,” Angel said ushering Buffy to the door. “I’ll see you, Cordy?”
“Yeah,” she replied absent minded. She wasn’t even looking at him as he walked out the door.
Angel wanted to stay with her and cheer her up, but he doubted Buffy would understand. He wished that Buffy hadn’t assumed he’d just take her home and that she’d left with Joyce. He felt a bit guilty at the thought. Buffy was his girlfriend after all.
“I was only trying to help,” Buffy said as she and Angel walked together.
“I know but that’s not what she needed,” Angel replied. “I asked you to stay out of it.”
“I don’t want to fight, Angel,” Buffy said reaching for his hand.
“Fine,” he said, taking her hand.
Part 4
Two weeks after Buffy and Cordy’s almost fight in the motel room, Angel sat with Buffy and her friends at the Bronze his thoughts drifting to Cordy. Where was she? He wondered. She no longer dropped by the mansion for dinner or just to hang out. The times he’d gone to her motel room he’d been frustrated to find she wasn’t there. She was avoiding him. He figured she was angry at him for what happened with Buffy which just made him angry. It wasn’t his fault Buffy discovered the truth, but he couldn’t shake the feeling he should have stayed with Cordy when she was upset. And then there she was walking into the Bronze. Angel got up from his seat and went straight to her.
“Where the hell have you been?” he yelled.
“It’s nice to see you too, Angel,” Cordy replied.
“I can’t believe you are so determined to stay angry with me about something that was out my control” Angel said.
“I’m not angry, Angel,” Cordy said.
“Where have you been?” Angel asked.
“I figured with you and Buffy back together my days of just wondering into your place whenever I felt like it were over,” Cordy said.
Cordelia had assumed that once Angel and Buffy were together again that Angel would not be as interested in maintaining their friendship. She took Angel’s decision to leave with Buffy the other night when he had already made plans with her as a sign for how things would be. She wanted to ease out of his life before he pushed her out.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” Angel said. “What’s going on?”
And then Cordy realized that her keeping her distance had hurt him, “How about I drop by the mansion tomorrow night? We can catch up.”
The way Angel stared at her at that moment unnerved her. It was like he was reading all her doubts and fears in her eyes.
“Okay,” Angel said. “I’ll cook.”
That’s when Buffy came to Angel’s side and said, “Hi Cordelia.”
“Hi,” Cordy replied.
Buffy was little weirded out by Angel and Cordy becoming friends when she and Angel had been apart. She figured he was just doing the hero rescuing the damsel in distress thing, but she still felt threatened. Cordy did proclaim herself the slayer of dating.
Angel noticed that Cordy seemed to be looking around for someone.
“Are you meeting somebody?” he asked her.
“Yeah,” Cordy said smiling at the thought. “Wesley is meeting me to talk about my going to England for college.”
“You aren’t going to England though,” Buffy said.
“I know that and he knows that,” Cordy said. “It’s just an excuse to hang outside of the library.”
Angel got that uncomfortable feeling he got whenever Cordy spoke of Wesley. He couldn’t understand the attraction. He figured it had something to do with Xander. He’d put her off highschool boys.
Angel remembered the way Cordy smiled as she told him once, “Xander is a boy, but Wesley is a man.”
The only thing he knew for certain was Wesley was all wrong for her.
“He’s too old for you,” Angel said suddenly.
“Says the 240 year old dating the highschool girl,” she replied laughing.
“She has a point. It’s almost like dating Giles isn’t it?” Buffy asked. “It’s just weird.”
“It’s only like that for you Buffy because you think of Giles like a Dad,” Cordy said.
“Wait, are you saying you’d date Giles?” Angel asked.
“When I look at Giles I can see that there’s a hot guy underneath all that tweed,” Cordy said amused by the horrified expressions on Angel and Buffy’s faces.
“We need to never have this conversation again,” Buffy suggested.
Cordy just smiled and then Wesley arrived. The four of them stood together not talking.
“Do you want to sit at the bar and talk?” Cordy asked Wesley.
“Let’s go,” Wesley said.
“Wait, don’t forget tomorrow night at 7:30,” Angel said.
“I’ll be there,” Cordy said walking away with Wesley.
“You know it’s a school night, and you should get her home before 9:30,” Angel said.
“When did you become my father, Angel?” Cordelia asked turning around.
“Be good, Cordy,” Angel said wanting to tease her for that father remark.
“I’m always good,” she replied smiling at him before turning away.
The way Cordy said it had Angel thinking of them naked rolling around in his sheets her mouth kissing her way down his body to...He stopped his train of thought.
“Where the hell did that come from?” he muttered.
“What Angel?” Buffy asked because she hadn’t been able to hear what she just said.
“Nothing,” he replied taking a last glance at Cordy sitting with Wes at the bar.
“What’s at 7:30 tomorrow night?” Buffy asked him.
“Dinner,” Angel replied.
“You’re taking us out to dinner?” Buffy asked him.
Buffy was torn about it. He had never taken her out before. They’d never really had a real date. She’d always wished they could just go out on regular dates like a normal couple. She just wondered why when he was finally doing something like that he was inviting Cordy along too. Maybe he was wanted to bridge the gap between her and Cordy.
“No, I’m making dinner,” Angel said realizing Buffy misunderstood.
“I didn’t know you could cook,” Buffy said sounding pleased. “Can we just invite Xander, Willow and Oz? It’ll be weird with just Cordelia there with us.”
“Buffy, I..” Angel began.
“I’m going to see if they have plans for tomorrow night,” Buffy said heading to the table where her friends sat.
Angel didn’t know how to tell her that when he’d offered to cook dinner he’d meant just for him and Cordy. He also didn’t know how to get that image of him and Cordy in his bed out of his mind.
Part 5
As he watched Buffy walk towards her friends, Angel remembered how hurt Cordy had been when he’d left her motel room with Buffy after their confrontation. He and Cordy needed time to talk about things. Before Buffy could go over to the table where her friends sat, Angel stopped her
Angel told her, “Dinner isn’t supposed to be a group thing.”
“Angel, they’re my friends,” Buffy said. “I don’t want to exclude them.”
“And Cordy is my friend,” Angel said. “She and I haven’t had a chance to talk about things in a while and dinner alone is supposed to catch us up.”
“So it’s just you, Cordy and a candlelight dinner,” Buffy said scarcastically.
“It isn’t like that,” Angel said. “You spend time with Xander without inviting me along.”
“That’s different,” Buffy said.
“No it’s not,” Angel said. “We can do the group dinner thing some other time.”
Buffy opened her mouth as if to say something, but she just turned away to sit with her friends.
***
The next night Angel stood at the stove while Cordy sat on a stool beside him. . He was glad to have her in his kitchen again just talking and laughing. She did her homework on the counter as he cooked. It was almost like it used to be but things were different now. It wasn’t just him and Cordy alone in the world together anymore. There were other people to think about now. Plus Angel’s awareness of an attraction to Cordy was bound to make things complicated. He’d always been aware of her beauty, but now it was a different kind of awareness. He found himself staring at her when she wasn’t paying attention.
“I don’t want things to be different between us,” Angel told her as they walked towards the table carrying plates of food.
“Things are already different,” Cordelia said. “We had plans Angel and you dropped me to take Buffy home. I get that she’s your girlfriend, but we had plans.”
“I know,” Angel said. “I’m sorry I hurt you, but you can’t just disappear on me when you’re angry. I’d rather argue with you than not hear from you at all.”
“It’s just whenever I’ve really needed anybody they’ve not been there,” Cordy explained. “When my parents were around, they were never really there. I thought I had something with Xander, but I was wrong. I don’t want to be wrong again.”
Angel took her hand and said, “Next time I’ll be there.”
“I’m trusting you,” she said looking into his eyes intently. “Don’t screw it up.”
***
That evening Buffy sat with Willow in the cemetery. Willow was helping her cram for the math test the next morning while she patrolled, but Buffy wasn’t really paying attention.
“What’s wrong, Buff?” Willow asked. “Is it about Faith or the Mayor?”
“It’s Angel,” Buffy said.
“Is it about Cordelia?”
Buffy looked at Willow surprised.
“I noticed you had this weird look on your face when he was talking to her at the Bronze,” Willow said.
Buffy said. “Remember when she used to have that thing for Angel. She was all over him.”
“But he didn’t notice,” Willow reassured. “He loves you, Buffy.”
“This time it’s different. They’re friends now and things between Angel and me aren’t so great,” Buffy said.
“Cordelia likes Wesley,” Willow said. “I really think they are just talking.”
“I hope so,” Buffy said. “He’s having dinner with her tonight.”
“I wonder what they talk about,” Willow said.
***
“I’m making dinner for the Scoobies on Saturday,” he announced. “And you are going to be there.”
“I don’t get a choice about it?” Cordy asked with a raised eyebrow.
Dinner with the Scooby Gang was not something she was at all interested in and Angel knew it.
“Just come to dinner,” Angel said.
Angel knew if he could convince Cordy to come then dinner might not be as bad as he was imagining it would be.
“You do realize you will owe me,” Cordy said.
“I’ll find a way to repay you,” Angel said raising from the table. “I’m going to get dessert.”
“Angel you have to stop feeding me the fabulous fatty foods,” Cordy insisted. “I’ve gained 5 pounds since we started hanging out. If I don’t start dieting, I’ll never fit into that prom dress I’m saving for.”
“Don’t be an idiot, you’re beautiful,” Angel said.
”What did you just say?”
“Sorry, Cor. You aren’t an idiot,” Angel said heading to the kitchen.
Cordy smiled as he walked away. He came back with a plate with one slice of cheese cake on it.
“Just because you don’t want any doesn’t mean I can’t have dessert,” Angel said happily taking a bite.
They both knew he was only eating in front of her to weaken her resolve. Cordy glared at Angel has he happily ate the cheesecake.
“That’s just mean, Angel,” Cordy replied getting up from the table and heading to the kitchen.
She returned with a fork in her hand. She sat down beside Angel and began taking bites of his cheesecake. When he smiled at her triumphantly, she just stuck her tongue out and failed at her efforts to not return his smile. Angel had the sudden urge to kiss her, but he just stopped looking at her to focus on the cheesecake. He felt guilty about Buffy.
***
Buffy was disappointed because things had been quiet in the cemetery. If there had been something to fight it would have been a good distraction. She and Willow were now walking home.
“Is Angel a good cook?” Willow asked Buffy.
“I don’t know,” Buffy said. “I didn’t even know he could cook until last night.”
“It’s going to be weird,” Willow said. “All of us hanging out on Saturday. Cordelia made it pretty clear she doesn’t want anything to do with Xander or me outside the research stuff in the library.”
“Maybe she won’t be there,” Buffy said.
“Angel said he was going to invite her, right?” Willow said.
“Yeah, but she won’t agree to it,” Buffy said confidently. “It’s not like Wes will be there and like you said she wouldn’t want to hang out with all of us.”
So Buffy was feeling better at the idea of her boyfriend making dinner for her friends and she playing hostess. She tried not to think about her jealousy over Angel’s friendship with Cordelia. She tried not to wonder what happened between them when Angel and Cordy were alone.
***
Angel kept staring at Cordy as they sat at the dinner table.
“What?” She asked, wondering why he was staring.
He leaned towards Cordy kissing her on the lips.
“You taste good,” he said.
They way he looked at her made her feel naked, and she liked it even though it scared her.
“Why’d you kiss me?” Cordy asked him.
“I couldn’t stop myself this time. I’ve been wanting to do that for a while,” Angel said leaning towards her again their foreheads touching.
He had his hand on her leg, and he was slowly moving it up her thigh.
He kissed her on her neck and said, “I’m done hesitating.”
“What about ...” she didn’t finish her sentence because the way he was touching her made her unable to think.
She knew she should push him away put instead she put her hands underneath his shirt so she could feel his skin. He pulled her from her chair, and she straddled his lap. She kissed him hard on the mouth and then she woke up.
Cordy was surprised to find herself asleep in Angel’s room. The last thing she remembered they were talking in his living room, and she was feeling a bit tired. She looked at her watch and saw it was 7am. She leaped out of her bed realizing she had to go back to the motel and get ready for school. She couldn’t let her thoughts dwell on her dream. Angel was off limits. She ran down the stairs and crashed right into Angel. He placed his hands on her arms to balance her.
“I was just about to wake you,” Angel said.
“How did I end up in your room?” Cordy asked him.
“You feel asleep on the couch, and I put you upstairs to make you more comfortable,” Angel said letting her go.
“Are you okay?” Angel asked her, noticing her nervousness and inability to look him in the eye.
“I’m going to be late for school. Thanks for last night,” she said practically running out the door.
Part 6
As Cordy got ready for dinner with the Scoobies, she tried hard not to think about kissing Angel, but she couldn’t get it out of her mind. She decided she was just curious as a result of her past crush. She couldn’t be falling for Angel, right? Wesley was the man for her or at least he had been until thoughts of Angel started creeping up on her.
She got dressed quickly and ran out the door. There was something she had to do before dinner.
***
Angel hadn’t changed the sheets of his bed yet. He told himself he was just to busy but the truth was he didn’t want to loose Cordy’s scent. He liked falling asleep surrounded by her scent in his bed. He tried not to think about it, but he couldn’t help it. He loved Buffy, but Cordy was starting to stir feelings in him he didn’t want to name. He just stood in his room staring at his empty bed. He reluctantly removed the sheets and remade the bed. Then he put the sheets in the laundry.
Buffy came over early to help Angel prepare dinner. He didn’t have enough silverware and so he had to borrow from Buffy’s mother.
“I never pictured us this way,” Buffy said as they stood in the kitchen together.
She had thought they could never have normal together in spite of all her hopes. Angel just smiled at her. He was hoping this evening would relief some of the tension between him and Buffy. Lately, they were either fighting or making out. Angel was hoping for just some peace between them like the kind he had when he spent time with Cordy. Lately it seemed that if he and Buffy weren’t talking about the Mayor, Faith, or other slayer related issues that they didn’t have much to say to each other. He knew they both were just talking around the things that they really needed to discuss. Maybe if he and Buffy could work some things out Angel could go back to seeing Cordy as just a friend and stop longing for more. But he wasn’t certain he could stop wanting Cordy, and he felt that he might end up losing both Buffy and Cordy as long has his thoughts were divided.
“So are you a good cook?” Buffy asked.
“You’ll see,” Angel replied.
“So the others should be here any minute,” Buffy said looking at her watch.
“I’m surprised Cordy isn’t here yet,” Angel said. “She’s usually early.”
“Cordy’s coming?” Buffy asked feeling her stomach knot.
“I told you I was inviting her,” Angel replied.
“I just thought dinner with Xander and Willow was the last thing she’d want to do,” Buffy said.
Angel wondered if he had been insensitive by insisting Cordy come to dinner. All he’d thought about was how much easier things would be with her there. He hadn’t considered that she might still be hurting over Xander. He thought about her reaction to the dinner invitation. She hadn’t been enthusiastic, but she was angry at the suggestion either.
“I think she’s over Xander,” Angel said.
“Do you really think so? Maybe they’ll get back together like Willow and Oz?” Buffy asked wondering if she should hope for a Cordy and Xander reconciliation.
“They aren’t getting back together,” Angel replied suddenly feeling angry.
Buffy was prevented from continuing the conversation by several knocks on Angel’s door. She let in Xander, Oz, and Willow. They all sat in the living room chatting,, and Angel felt relieved to be left alone in the kitchen with his thoughts.
Angel was worried because Cordy 20 minutes late for dinner. Maybe she was putting off coming over because the others were there. Xander had been grumbling about when dinner was ready, but Angel refused to start without Cordy.
She breezed into the mansion and said, “Sorry I’m late. I got caught up.”
She handed Angel two bottles of wine and then sat down on the couch next to Oz.
“So you’ve finally decided to grace us with your presence?” Xander began.
Cordelia was about to reply when Willow interrupted.
“No fights you guys,” Willow said.
“This is supposed to be a fun evening,” Buffy agreed.
“I’ll get dinner on the table,” Angel said getting up. “Cordy will you help me?”
Buffy felt a little slighted but said nothing. Cordy just followed Angel into the kitchen.
“You’re late,” Angel accused.
“I had something I had to do,” Cordy said not sounding happy. Things had not gone as she had hoped.
“What’s wrong?” Angel asked realizing she was upset about something.
“I’m fine, Angel. You worry too much,” Cordy replied with a smile.
Angel knew that smile. It was the one she used when she was trying to hide what was really on her mind with her “everything’s perfect” facade. He wasn’t going to fall for it. Angel’s staring at her was making her uncomfortable.
“Let’s follow Willow’s advice and not fight,” Cordy said about to walk out of the kitchen, but Angel blocked her path.
“You’re supposed to help me get dinner on the table,” Angel said simply getting out of her way and then handing her some dishes that were on the counter.
Angel’s sudden willingness to let the issue go only let Cordy feel a little relieved. He was willing to let things go now, but she wasn’t sure it would last. He was trying to wear her down, but Cordy figured she could out nonchalant him.
“We should come up with a code,” Cordy suggested.
“Code?” Angel asked.
“If either of us needs to be saved from the Scoobies during dinner,” Cordy said.
“I should have just told Buffy not to invite them all,” Angel said.
“Would you really want it to be just you, me, and Buffy?” Cordy said. “I don’t think Buffy and I can play nice for a whole night without some interference. You know I think there’s this part of you that would enjoy a cat fight.”
“I’m a guy,” he replied with a smile.
Cordy rolled her eyes and muttered, “Perv.”
Angel was relieved that she was willing to joke around with him. Then they walking out of the kitchen together and set the table. Angel hoped he’d be able to get Cordy to stay after dinner so he could find out what was bothering her.
Part 7
Angel was quiet all through dinner and that was no surprise. Cordy was quiet and that worried Angel and made the others nervous. A quiet Cordy unnerved Xander more than her insults could. He was tempted to ask her what was on her mind, but he could imagine how badly that would turn out. Xander wondered if there would ever be a time when he and Cordy weren’t on the verge of a fight and they could be friends. Dinner was tense and everyone was just eating quietly. Willow’s attempts at small talk failed and Xander’s jokes to ease the tension hadn’t worked.
“So Buffy an new info on the Mayor?” Xander asked.
Before Buffy could answer Cordy replied, “No shop talk. Can’t you guys go one night without worrying about Scoobie stuff?”
“The Ascension is potentially the end of all of us Cordelia,” Buffy said.
“And if we spend all night talking about it but not doing anything to help the situation that’s your idea of a good time?” Cordy replied.
“You know Oz’s band is playing at the Bronze next week,” Willow said trying to change the subject.
They conversation then turned to things going on at school. They all shared a few laughs and then Xander started talking about the math class he was struggling with.
“Me passing that class is about as likely as Angel going to a Barry Manilow concert,” Xander said.
Angel and Cordy’s eyes met from across the table, and they both burst out laughing. The Scoobies were stunned because they’d never seen Angel laugh before.
“What’s so funny?” Buffy asked.
“Private joke,” Angel replied hoping to keep the fact he was a fan a secret.
“Trust me,” Cordy said to Buffy. “You don’t want to know. There is much dorkiness involved.”
“My mom worships Manilow,” Oz said trying to ease the tension.
“Mine too,” Xander replied. “It kinda freaks me out.”
“I don’t get the big Manilow love,” Buffy said. “My mom actually has some of his albums.”
“My mom went to a concert once and loved it,” Willow said.
Cordy and Angel continued to smile at each other from across the table. Buffy watched them. It was almost as if Cordy and Angel were having a conversation even though they weren’t saying a word. Buffy felt like Angel was being unfair to her. He had a tendency to be mysterious and rarely ever offered her information about himself, but he obviously shared things with Cordelia. Buffy didn’t wan to admit to herself that part of the problem was she didn’t ask Angel to tell her about himself.
It was actually a relief when dinner ended. Buffy was torn about whether to stay when the others left and clean up or if she should just walk out with the others. She was angry that the dinner she had suggested had gone so terribly. Lately she’d been seeing gleams of a new side to Angel. One where he made jokes and laughed, but it wasn’t her that brought that out in him. It was Cordelia, and Buffy didn’t think she could handle that. She didn’t trust Cordelia’s intentions, and she couldn’t read Angel. The others had started walking out the door after saying their good-byes.
“I’m going to go catch a ride with Oz,” Buffy said to Angel. “But I’ll stay if you want and help clean up.”
“I’ll be fine,” Angel said. “You can go.”
“So see ya guys,” Cordy said as she passed him and Buffy on her way out the door.
“Cor, wait a sec,” Angel said. It was a command and not a request.
Cordy raised her eyebrow in response. She knew he’d wouldn’t let things go until he figured out what had made her late. She never wanted him to know how she’d embarrassed herself or why.
“Angel?” Buffy asked wanting to know what was going on.
“Oz and Willow are waiting for you, Buffy,” Angel said.
He was dismissing her, and Buffy couldn’t help being hurt by it. She looked over at Cordy with an accusation in her eyes and then turned and walked out the door without saying a word.
“You just screwed up with her big time you know,” Cordy said surprised she was actually hoping he’d run after Buffy so that Angel couldn’t interrogate her.
Angel made no reply he just walked over to the dining room table and began putting things away. Cordy went over to help him. She’d turned on Angel’s radio because the quiet was getting to her. She could feel the tension coming off him in waves. He was angry, but she didn’t understand why.
“What the hell is going on, Angel?” Cordy said sounding worried.
“What did Wesley do to you?” Angel asked with an edge to his voice.
When Cordy had attempted to leave before Buffy, she’d brushed passed him and he’d taken in her scent. That’s when he realized Wesley was the reason Cordelia was late. He could smell him all over her. When he’d initially planned to ask Cordy to stay after the other left he’d intended it to just be a friendly conversation, but after realizing Cordy had been with Wesley he realized he was angrier than he should be about it. Angel realized that when Cordy had arrived at dinner she hadn’t looked like a girl who’d just come from a romantic rendezvous. She’d been upset. Angel knew that if Wesley had upset her he would make Wesley sorry.
Cordy was startled and said, “Why are you asking about Wesley?”
“He’s the reason you were late,” Angel said.
“I’m the reason I was late, Angel, and I don’t want to talk about it,” Cordy said. “ Damn vampire senses.”
“You were upset when you came to dinner tonight,” Angel said.
“Wesley’s a good guy. He wouldn’t hurt me,” Cordy said with a sigh. She realized she was going to have to tell Angel as least part of the truth. “I went to see Wes before I came here, and we talked. It turns out we aren’t couple material.”
It wasn’t the whole story, but it was the truth. She’d gone to Wesley’s apartment and thrown herself at him. They shared an awkward kiss and an uncomfortable conversation. She’d been hoping that her feelings for Wesley would stop her from thinking about Angel, but it hadn’t worked. She knew now that she and Wesley weren’t going to be more than friends and that hadn’t upset her. It was the realization that she wanted Angel but could never have him that had been on her mind.
Angel felt relief and guilt. Cordelia was obviously upset things hadn’t worked out between her and Wes and Angel was happy Wesley and her were not going to get together. He was sorry she was hurting.
“I’m sorry,” Angel said.
Cordy smiled at him slightly and said, “Liar. You don’t like Wes.”
“I don’t like seeing you upset,” Angel said.
“You wash, I’ll dry,” Cordy said handing him the pile of dirty dishes and changing the subject.
They stood at the sink and talked for awhile. Suddenly Cordy starting smiling widely.
“What?” Angel asked.
“The song,” Cordy said gesturing to the radio on the counter that was playing “Bye Bye Blackbird”.
“When I was six, I snuck downstairs when I was supposed to be asleep, and I spotted my parents slow dancing to that song. It was one of those few moments when I could look at them and really see them as in love. Most of the time when I was growing up they were either fighting or not speaking,” Cordy said her smile fading a little.
“Come on,” Angel said holding out his hand.
Cordelia took his hand, and they began to dance in the middle of the kitchen. Angel held her hand over his heart, and Cordy rested her head on his shoulder. He was glad his heart didn’t beat because he knew it did it would be beating too hard. His liked holding her too much. Cordy tried to tell herself it was just dancing, but she loved being in his arms. Angel was happier than he wanted to admit when he realized her heart was beating faster. The song ended Cordy tried reluctantly to pull away, but Angel held her close, and they just slow danced to the next song that came on. And then the radio station went into a commercial break, and Angel was still holding her. They looked into each other’s eyes. Cordy realized that Angel was going to kiss her and that she wanted him to. But he hesitated, and Cordy left his arms. She went to the opposite side of the kitchen.
“Cordy...” Angel began.
“Don’t, Angel,” Cordy interrupted.
Cordy was afraid he was going to let her down easy and tell her that even though he was attracted to her it didn’t change that he wanted Buffy. He was the best friend she ever had and she didn’t want her growing attraction to make things impossible between them. Angel was just afraid he was going to lose her.
“We’re still friends, right?” Angel asked her.
“Always,” she said before she left the mansion.
Angel just stood in the kitchen and watched her go. He was torn between wanting to grab her and make her stay, and the feelings of guilt because he wasn’t free. Angel loved Buffy, but he was falling in love with Cordy. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to stop falling.
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