Title: Eternal Torment
Author: Lilyana_Vamp & Sunscorched
Posted: 05-27-2003
Email: Lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com Aurora_plym_uk@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-15
Category: Angst
Content: C/A implied
Summary: Humans aren't the only ones who weren't meant to have visions.
Spoilers: Only if you haven't seen S3
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: NF anyplace else just ask.
Notes:
Feedback:
Thanks/Dedication:Part 1: Glass Visions
Cordelia Chase walked into the Hyperion, her mask of happiness once again plastered on her face. Just because she was miserable didn't mean she had to look the part! She dropped her stuff beside her desk and went in search of her fellow employees at Angel Investigations. "Hello? Am I alone in the big scary hotel with no one to protect me?" she called out in mock apprehension.
"Why yes you are Cordy, there's no body here but us demon hunters" Wesley hollered back from the office.
"Oh! Whatever shall I do?!" She tried to keep from laughing. "Where is my big, strong knight in shining ahhhhh!!!!!" She began to cry out in agony as the vision hit unexpectedly.
Angel heard her cry and rushed to help her in any way he could. Wesley, Gunn and Fred weren't far behind the vampire as he slid towards her collapsing body. His stomach barely catching her head as Cordelia screamed and cried, fisting his shirt in white-knuckled grips. "I've got you Cordy, I've got you," he murmured comfortingly but helplessly as he placed his cool hand on her burning forehead.
"Demons...oh god...they're waiting in the alley...it's...I don't know where...no, it's behind Caritas...there's a couple of teenagers...oh god..." Her face became pale at the sight only she saw, and she fought the urge to vomit. As the vision passed, she struggled to stand on her own two feet. "Did you get that?" she asked, wondering why they were still standing there.
Angel nodded slightly, biting back his usual "Are you okay?" question. "Yeah, we got it" not biting back any longer, "Are you ok?" he asked tenderly.
"I'll be fine as long as you go and save the kids from the demons that are going to...ew," she shuddered and held her hand to her head. "Just go, okay?"
“They won't hurt the kids Barbie" Gunn assured her with a firm nod as Wesley backed him up.
"Good. Now go already!" She carefully made her way to the bathroom, letting them know that she was in no mood to sit and chat about how they were going to save the kids.
All watched Cordelia walk silently for her post-vision bathroom trip and waited until the door firmly shut behind her before they started talking. "So, we ready to head on out? Open up a can of whoop ass?" Gunn asked, not wanting to be the one to bring up Cordelia's obvious vision problem.
He was answered with a series of nods, neither Angel nor Wesley wanting to bring it up either.
***
Cordelia looked up with a surprised expression when they walked back in shortly thereafter. She forced the pain out of her eyes and straightened herself on the couch. "Demons dead?" she asked with a smile.
"All dead an a pile of weird, green goop" Angel replied as he eyed her cautiously.
"All kinds of cool, and a major EW!" She stood up and smiled again, this time not so brightly. "Guys, that one kinda kicked MY ass, so if you don't mind, I think I'm gonna head home for a shower and some quality Ben & Jerry's time."
"You want me to drive you home?" Angel offered, not really wanting her to go just yet. He hadn't had a chance to talk to her that day, something he liked to do.
"That's okay, I'm a big girl," she smiled gratefully at Angel. The truth was she didn't want him to see her when she was at home. "I'll call if I need anything," she told him before he could speak the words and walked quickly out the door.
Angel lowered his head for a second before looking to Fred. "How was she?" he asked the Texan in concern.
"She tries to hide it Angel, but I can see how much pain she's in. Have you heard her cryin? When she goes into the bathroom, she's cryin her eyes out, but she won't let any of us help her." She sighed sadly and sat down.
Gunn put a restraint on his anger, knowing there was no one he could blame or hurt for this. "Man I..." he stopped; he didn't have any words to help any of them. He wasn't a real hero that could fix this with a few words, as much as he wished he could.
"I know Charles," Fred nodded. "We all feel it."
Cordelia walked into her apartment and dropped her keys on the table. She rubbed her head, feeling the built up tears finally sliding down her cheeks. "Shower," she tried to remind herself. "Maybe a bath would be better. A nice long, and hot bath. And a glass of wine. Yeah, that would be good." She walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine in her hand. She opened the cupboard and dug behind everything until she found her stash of painkillers, hiding in the back. She grabbed the bottles with her other hand and then felt the pain increase. "Oh no...not now, please..." She screamed again, the pill bottles and the wine dropping to the ground at her feet. The glass shattered into a million pieces and Cordelia collapsed on top of it. She screamed as the flashes bombarded her and momentarily saw the phone hovering over her. She nodded and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to will away the pain as Dennis hit the speed dial number for Angel Investigations.
The phone rang and it was Fred who picked it up, "Hi y'all, you've reached Angel Investigations..."
Cordelia couldn't find the strength to say anything. Instead, she screamed again, the flashes returning with furious speed.
Angel, Gunn and Wesley watched with dread as Fred's face turned to one of horror. "Cordy?" she yelled down the phone, "Cordy, are ya there? What's happenin? Cordy?" her words bordering on frantic as she screamed down the phone for Cordelia to answer. "Angel?" Fred, visibly pale, turned to the vampire champion and said in a shaky voice. "I think Cordy's in trouble"
Angel didn't hesitate a second. He was out the door before Fred could turn her attention back to the phone.
Cordy rolled on the floor, feeling the slivers of glass cutting her skin but she didn't care. The pain was nothing compared to the pain in her skull.
Fred turned to the two men left standing in the lobby with her. "Should we follow Angel? Cordy might need us" her brown eyes wide with fear for her friend as she shook from head-to-toe as she still held the receiver that had Cordelia's screams still blaring down.
"Fred, try to talk to her, try to calm her down," Wesley advised her. "Gunn and I will go to Cordelia's."
Cordy heard the door open and she tried to pick herself up off the floor but ended up crashing down again on the broken glass. The motion caused her head to ache more and she struggled to find any of her painkillers, her hands only finding more broken glass.
Fred nodded numbly as she brought the receiver back to her ear. "C-Cordy? The guys are comin to your rescue. Angel will be there soon, he rescued me from losin my head in Pylea. O'course that was all thanks to you bein the best Princess ever" she didn't have a clue what to say so she just talked.
She could hear Fred talking and wished she could do anything to comfort her. When no one came in, she assumed the door opening had been from Dennis, giving Angel a clear shot into her apartment. "Fred...when did...Angel...leave?" she managed. Her eyes wouldn't focus. She needed a painkiller badly, but her hands just wouldn't seem to function for her.
"Right away, as soon as you called" Fred replied as she bit her lip, hoping Angel would get there before Cordelia hid it all again. "He cares about you Cordelia, we all do"
"I know...I care about you too..." she told her before crying out after cutting her elbow. "I should...clean up before he gets...here." She squeezed her eyes shut and reached for the phone to hang it up, but Dennis had moved it out of her reach.
"Angel won't mind a little mess," Fred told her, while wondering what kind of mess there was and hoped with everything in her it wasn't blood.
Cordy gave up trying to get up, she was only accomplishing cutting herself more. She let her head lay against the cool tile and the broken glass and began to sob, the pain finally getting through the mask she put on, even for a phone call.
"Hey Cordy, everything's gonna be alright you'll see" Fred told her through her own tears, she was so scared, she didn't know what was happening only that it must be bad if Cordelia was crying openly like that. "Angel will take care of you Cordy, I know he will. He's a hero"
"Then where the hell is he?" she sobbed.
Right here..." Angel's voice drifted off as soon as he saw the state of Cordelia, lying shaking, crying and screaming on the floor. Her own blood tainting her clothes, shards of glass cutting into her skin as she shook on the floor. "Cordy" he whispered, somehow unable to move from the spot as his eyes took in the scene.
Don't just stare at me, help me up dork," she managed through her tears. She had never wanted him to see her this way. She wanted to be the Cordy he knew forever.
Angel shook his head and rushed to help her off the floor. He carefully picked up, bringing her onto his knees as he looked for Wesley and Gunn. "I'm here now, I'm sorry I let you leave Cordelia, God I'm so sorry" he whispered as he held her shaking form still as much as he could.
"Yeah, well, I was never much one for letting you tell me where I should be, now was I?" she forced a weak smile. She winced as the glass that had embedded itself into her skin shifted with his touch. "I wanted to clean up before you got here, but I was a little busy with the screaming."
Angel gave her a pained look, "Please Cordy, no more jokes it's not very funny anymore. How" he cleared his choked up throat. "How bad are they now?" he asked as he tried not to shift glass into her skin anymore.
"Not a walk in the park." She glanced at the floor out of the corner of her eye and saw her large supply of pill bottles scattered amongst the broken glass. "I'll be fine Angel, really. I always am, right? Vision Girl Extraordinaire."
"Cordelia, please just stop with the I'm fine act, it's getting a little old" Angel replied. "And after this, unbelievable"
"Why? Because you weren't here to catch me? So I fell and hurt myself. Most accidents happen..." She couldn't continue her defense as another wave of pain hit her. She leaned over and desperately grasped for one of the bottles.
"No, because of this" Angel waved his free hand at the damaged coffee table. "This wasn't some lame ass accident Cordy, this happened when you had another vision and don't you dare lie to me after this" he warned.
She struggled with the bottle, unable to get her hands to do the job of removing the cover. "Okay, you want the truth Angel?! They're killing me!!"
Part 2: Prophesized Death
Cordelia ground the palms of her hands into her head to try and dull the constant throbbing inside. To try and quieten the screams of pain from the victims, the pleasured laughter of the assailants and trying to cut herself off from the pain. The pain and the pleasure, she felt both sides of the story and sometimes she could almost taste the blood that had been spilt.
Angel sat in shock as he looked alternatively between Cordelia and her pain medication that Dennis had brought out of hiding. He held a bottle filled with blue tranquillisers in one hand and a bottle filled with yellow tablets that he now knew were to help deal with brain disorders. There was no use in yelling and shouting at Cordelia, he doubted if anything he would say could penetrate through the wall of agony she was cemented behind right now.
Her body was slowly rocking on her couch as low whimpers and self-murmured comfort words spilled from her trembling lips. Her arms wrapped around her knees as if she was trying to ward off something he couldn’t protect. The stone cold truth of it was just that.
Cordelia Chase, a girl who had given up her life for his mission happily, was dying and it was because of him that it was happening. Angel felt, well, there were no words that could describe what he felt right then. The cotton Cordelia had wrapped the truth up in had fallen away, leaving reality burning his eyes just as the sun did.
“Do you need another painkiller?” Angel heard himself ask, his voice sounding distant to him and he couldn’t help but wonder what it sounded like to her.
Somehow, those words broke through her wall of pain and Cordelia eased her head so she could look at him. “A blue one please” she mumbled in response, “I take those ones with water”
Angel faintly nodded as he felt his body stand up and walk into her kitchen to get a glass of water. His hands gripped the counter, his knuckles turned white as he vamped out. Breath coming from the vampire in heavy pants that would have left a human dizzy. “Dennis, could you pour some water please?” his voice spoke and he sounded so calm.
Dennis wafted past the unmoving vampire as he got the water for Angel to take into Cordelia.
“Thanks Dennis” Angel thanked as he somehow managed to find the ability to walk again and went back to Cordelia. “Here’s your water” he handed her the glass before opening the blue bottle, “How many?”
“This one’s a doozy so better make it three”
Angel nodded and watched in surrealism as he handed Cordelia the correct number of blue pills. He sat down next to her, helpless with not knowing what to do.
The pain lessoned slightly and Cordelia closed her eyes in relief for that small mercy, “Wes and Gunn have killed the vampires,” she told him as her body stopped rocking.
“Does it get easier when your vision’s been taken care of?” Angel asked, the news had yet to fully sink in and he doubted if it ever would. Anybody but Cordelia, why couldn’t he be the one to face death? He had lived lifetimes and had committed so many atrocities while Cordelia had done nothing.
Cordelia offered him a weak smile, “Sometimes, but sometimes only the green pills will help,” she told him. May as well tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth she thought.
“What are the green pills for?” Angel asked, not sure if he wanted the answer at all.
“It’s another tranquilliser, only this one has a form of Ketamin in it. Ketamin is a horse tranq,” Cordelia explained in a quiet voice. “I’m not sure what the human version of it’s called”
Angel nodded, “Why didn’t you tell any of us? Why didn’t you tell me? I thought we were friends, that we trusted each other”
“We are friends Angel, you’re the only best friend I’ve ever had. Things just kept…getting in the way and I couldn’t seem to find the right time to tell you”
Angel forced himself not to shout and make her headache any worse, not that it could get any worse from the sounds of it. “What do you mean? Right time?”
Cordelia shrugged as her medication kicked in, she leaned her cheek against her knees and looked at the vampire through glazed eyes. “First, you had that whole Darla thing, I’m not blaming you…ok yes I blame you for being an ass. But you didn’t know then and I didn’t know the extent of it either. Then came Pylea and when we got back, you had to deal with Buffy’s death”
“Then when you got back, everything was okay and I kinda got sucked into believing it would be okay too” she told him honestly, no point in lying now the damage had already been done. "It's so not okay, is it?" she sighed, rubbing her still aching head.
Angel shook his head numbly in response, her revealing words had taken everything out of him. "So...what's new with you?" she asked, flashing him a bright but pained smile.
"Well, my best friend just told me she's dying. No comparison" Angel replied, his voice lacking feeling as numbness ran through his brain and body.
"You're not allowed to do that," she told him seriously, pointing a shaking finger at him.
"Allowed to do what? Be sad? Upset? Angry or guilty?" Angel asked as he looked at her. His chocolate eyes shining with tears and pleading with her to tell him she was joking around or something.
"You're not allowed to shut yourself off from me. I need you to be here, with me." The fear was finally settling with the truth and she was beyond terrified. "I don't want to die Angel. I don't think they'd get my sense of humour wherever it is that I'd go. "I'd probably get kicked out or something."
He couldn't bring himself to smile at her joke, knowing that, even though she was the one suffering, she was still trying to make him feel better. Angel shook his head and clenched his fist, "Tell me how to make this better? Tell me how to save you Cordy, please"
A renegade sob escaped her lips and she covered her mouth with her hand. She shook her head, unable to speak for a moment. "You can't. There's nothing you can do," she finally whispered.
"No, I won't believe that" Angel choked out vehmently as he pulled her to him. "I can't belive that. I promise to keep you safe Cordy, I will keep you safe. Whatever it takes, I swear I'll do it" the vampire squeezed his eyes shut as an attempt to fight back his tears. Cordelia's stifled sob had nearly been his undoing, but he had to be strong for her, he had to be the hero she always claimed he was.
"Angel, I've been to every doctor and specialist in LA. They've conferred with every doctor and specialist in the world practically. They don't understand what's happening to me, but they're certain of one thing. I'm dying and there's nothing that can be done. All the drugs in the world aren't even working well anymore." She touched his arm gently. "But don't you dare blame yourself Angel. I don't."
"How can I not? You get the visions for me, for my mission Cordelia. How can you sit there, dying in my arms right now, and tell me not to blame myself? You are dying and it's because of me, I-I'm killing you"
"You aren't killing me Angel. I don't see a gun to my head...or fangs in my neck. I don't want you to feel guilty. I get them for you because I care about you. I want you to fulfill your mission. It's not just because of the mission. I want them so I can help you in a way other than making sucky coffee."
"Just you being there, just seeing you everyday helps me Cordy" Angel told her as he tilted her face so she would look at him. Her own eyes reflecting the tears and pain in his. "I won't ever stop trying to find a way to save you. Doctors don't know everything, they can't know for sure you're dying," he told her.
"Angel, you need to accept it. I have." She stood unsteadily on her feet and pulled a large folder out from behind her couch. She dropped it in his lap. "You know all those days I was late for work? This is where I was." She watched as he pulled the scans of her brain out of the folder. "They don't even know how I'm functioning, that's how bad it is."
Angel's gaze went from the brain scans to Cordelia and back again. He didn't understand what all this meant. He stopped at an image of her brain, the colour was green and not much else he held it up to her. "What does this one mean?" he asked, he could swear his heart had started beating.
"It means so not good. Think infrared Angel. Red, orange, yellow warm. Blue, green cold. As in dead."
The image fell from his hand as if it had burned him, "That would mean you're brain dead" he whispered as his gaze dropped to the image once more.
"Yeah, hence the shockage to the doctors that I had walked into their office." She picked up the scan and stuffed it back into the envelope. "You get it now? I should be a vegetable but I'm not. I'm still getting mind-numbing visions, when I should be a damn artichoke or something. I think that's what makes it worse; the fact that nothing is normal about this. If my brain is technically...dead, shouldn't I be?" She paced across her living room, the questions she'd held inside finally coming to the surface. She wasn't so much talking to Angel as she was herself.
Angel just kept going over and over this whole thing in his head. Words now combined with pictures showing him Cordelia was indeed dying. His head snapped to hers instantly, "Maybe the Powers have something to do with this Maybe you aren't really dying Cordy, maybe that’s just what's showing up"
"And they're giving me killer migraines for my health? I wish I could talk to them, tell them to go to hell with the pain and just give me the damn visions without the hours-lingering after taste...or feel rather. But I can't. I'm just the messenger. Didn't somebody say somewhere to not kill the messenger?"
An idea hit Angel, "Lorne," he said suddenly, "We'll go see Lorne, you can sing and he can read you. Maybe he can use your connection to the Powers and get something from them. Trace the call like he did when Lilah tapped into your visions"
She smiled at him sadly. "Done that. Nothing doing. They've got a block on their phone apparently."
Angel frowned at her in hurt, "You felt you could tell Lorne and not me? Why Cordy?"
"You've been so busy Angel. It wasn't personal, and I didn't want to bother you with it until I knew something more solid. And by the time I knew, I was convincing myself that it wasn't true anyways." She sat beside him again and touched his hands with hers. "I didn't want to upset you Angel."
"How could you think this wouldn't upset me? Do you think you mean that little to me? To us?" Angel asked, his hurt becoming more and more visible on his face. "Did I ever get your trust back?" he asked in a low whisper. "We've been okay, right? I know you said we weren't friends, but that was a long time ago right?" he clasped her clammy hands in his and held on tightly.
"Yes you did Angel, and yes we've been okay, and yes it was a long time ago. I just...how would you have wanted me to tell you? 'Hi Angel, how's your day? Mine, oh I just found out that I'm dying, nothing big.' I just couldn't figure out a way to tell you."
"You could've told me Cordelia. You're always talking about how secrets are bad, look how my Darla secret got us into bad stuff" Angel pointed out, still being careful not to raise his voice. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Cordy, I just... I wish you had let me know sooner then you wouldn't have been alone in this. Because you're not, you know, alone. You have us...you have me" Angel told her in the same hushed whisper.
"I know, I'm sorry Angel. I meant to tell you. I tried to everyday, but then you were so happy when we had our talks. I couldn't bear to take that happiness away from you. I should have told you sooner. And I know secrets are bad, but I thought maybe I could fix things before you ever had to know."
Angel let out a shaky breath that caught in his throat. "I guess there's no use in going round in circles is there? You don't blame anybody, I blame me, we're just going full circle again. I can promise you this Cordelia, if there's even one slightest chance I can help you, I'll take it" Angel vowed with everything in him as he looked at her. "Just don't...hide from this, from me anymore. Please, if you're in pain, physically or emotionally, then don't hold it in. We're all here for you, most importantly, I'm here for you"
She couldn't say anything as he spoke and after he was done, she was still silent. Her silence was broken by her sob as she buried her face in his chest. She grabbed his waist tightly and collapsed into him.
Silent tears rolled unacknowledged down Angel's face as he held Cordelia tightly. Remembering every sacrifice she had made for him, forgiving every screw up he had ever done. He wasn't going to let her go without a fight, he was sure he could save her. He would save her. "I won't let you go Cordy, I won't," he repeated, making sure she understood just what she meant to him.
"Can I hold you to that?" she asked into his chest with a glimmer of hope.
Angel didn't reply, he didn't need to. His answer shone clearly through his eyes as he looked at her. They would get through this together, just like everything else.
Part 3
World in Ruins
Cordelia disentangled herself from him and rubbed her head. "I think...I was going to take a bath..." she told him, not sure what the point was and felt the pain coming on again. "What the hell...what am I, Grand Central Station today..." she gasped as she fisted her hands into her hair.
Angel watched as her third vision that hit, he caught her collapsing form as he always did. Only this time, he was fearing that this would be the one to take her from him. Just like her next one would hold the same fear, they all would until it ended. "You're gonna be okay Cordy, I promise you're gonna be ok" he rocked her gently and soothed her burning forehead with his cool hand and kept his voice in a trained, quiet tone.
“Gunn and Wes are gonna kill me before these visions do," she tried to joke painfully as the images flashed through her brain.
Angel ignored her jibe and continued to rock her, more for his own comfort rather than hers. "Do you want a painkiller yet?" he asked in a whisper.
"No..." She let out a short scream as she squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh god...she's getting drained...and it's going to turn her...she's in so much pain...i can feel it...that poor girl..."
"No she won't die Cordy, I won't let her die. Just like I won't let you die. I promise, I won't let that happen," Angel told her firmly as he held her tightly while she whimpered, cried and shook against him. One hand weakly fisted his shirt while she screamed into her other balled up fist. Angel tried to block it from his mind but he couldn't, there wasn't anything he could do apart from watch.
“It's not happening for awhile..." she managed to continue. "Oh..." She gasped for her breath as the images kept bombarding her mind. "I can feel everything Angel. Everything she's feeling...this is like nothing....ahhhhhh!!!!" she screamed out again, throwing her head back from the sheer force of the vision as it increased in intensity.
"Cordy" Angel gasped as he barely managed to stop her head from hitting her floor. He had never seen her in so much pain, surely she hadn't been hiding this from him. Not all the visions were like this he hoped. Angel watched in a horrified gaze as Cordelia seemed to lose focus for a split second and a miniscule smile flashed before it faded.
Cordy's eyes fluttered shut as she flirted with the line between consiousness and unconsiousness. Her body shook against him and she no longer gripped his shirt tightly. Her hand had become limp and her body was totally held up by him. "Angel..."
This was it wasn't it? Angel tightened his grip on her limp body, "Cordy, I need you please just stay awake. You have to stay with me, you can't go yet I haven't had a chance to save you. Tell me about your vision again, I need you to tell me so I can go stop it" he pleaded with her. His eyes running over her increasingly pale face and her unfocused eyes, drinking in the sight and smell of her.
"Girl...vamp...drink...turn..." she managed, trying to focus on his face.
"Where Cordy? Tell me where" Angel begged, anything to keep her conscious until he could do something, anything to keep her alive.
"Hotel..." Her eyes slid shut, and her heart rate slowed but remained steady.
Wesley and Gunn came running in the door. "Baddies dead, how's Barbie?" Gunn asked breathlessly. "She back to her crazy ass joking self yet?"
Angel held her limp figure in his arms, not even bothering to look at the men behind him. "Not really" he replied gruffly as he stroked her hair away from her forehead again.
"Cordelia?" Wesley asked softly, more so directed to Angel. "She isn't..." He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.
Angel picked Cordelia up as if she were a fragile doll, making sure she was secure he turned to Wesley and Gunn. "Wes, I need you find out everything you can on seers, human or otherwise. Gunn, I need you to go to Caritas and tell Lorne to get to the hotel ASAP. Cordy needs us" he walked out the door, not wanting to explain everything until they were together. Just like he promised Cordelia.
Gunn didn't hesitate. "Off to see the happy green guy. Hang in there Cordy," he whispered with a sad smile and ran back out the door.
"Do you want me to drive Angel?" Wesley asked, not sure if the vampire was in any condition to drive his car back to the Hyperion. "You can sit in the back with Cordelia."
"You drive" Angel replied abruptly as he placed his cheek on her head gently. "You'll be okay Cordy, just don't go yet. It's not your time, not yet. I just want a chance to save you, can you give me that?" he asked quietly even though she was unconscious.
Wes watched helplessly and held the door open for Angel to carry Cordelia out. He felt a rush of cold air. "We'll send someone by to let you know how she is Dennis, I promise." Wesley shut the door and followed Angel out to the car. The entire way back, all Wesley could think about was what her death would do to the vampire and no matter how hard her tried, he couldn't shake the thoughts from his head. He could hear him back there, begging and pleading with her to hold on. He parked the car at the Hyperion and turned it off before opening the door for Angel. "We're home."
Angel didn't answer Fred's question as he immediately took Cordelia directly to his room. It was quiet in there and her head wouldn't hurt as much. Angel carefully and as quietly as possible pushed his door open and lay her out on his bed. Not once taking his eyes off her still, but breathing form, Angel got a chair and sat at her side, clutching her hand as though she was his life force. In a way, Angel thought in sick irony, she was.
Fred stood in the doorway, the tears streaming down her face. "Poor Cordy. Poor Angel. Poor..." She turned and leaned into Wes, crying quietly so as not to disturb them. Wes wrapped his arm around her and led her away from the room.
"Come on Fred, we need to see what we can find out about Seers, okay?"
Fred turned her red, frightened eyes to Wesley's calm, warm blue ones. He was a good man, just as Angel was a good man, they were all good people. Why did bad stuff happen to good people? Fred wanted to ask but she couldn't find the words to use, she wanted to go in and be with her friend and hero. But she didn't know how to react.
"Cordy's gonna be alright, right?" she asked shakily. "Angel can save her like he saved me right Wes? He can save her because he's Angel and we know he'll save her because of Kye..."
"Because of what Fred?" he asked gently as they sat in the office and he pulled out a few books.
Kyerumption" Fred explained to him as if that one word could make everything okay again. "It's a Pylean term. It means two great heroes meet each other on the field of battle and recognise their fate. Moira is the name used to describe the gut physical attraction between two larger than life people"
"That's beautiful Fred. I hope you're right." He offered a book to the still skittish girl and opened one of his own.
"I am right, it has to be right Wes and I know Angel will save her" Fred told him as some more tears ran unchecked down her cheeks.
Gunn barrelled into the hotel lobby, pulling a confused looking Lorne behind him. "Hold up SweetCheeks! I'm not as buff and built as you are!" he cried out.
"Just get yo green ass in here dawg" Gunn dragged Lorne in behind him. "We don't time to dawdle, Barbie's in trouble man"
"I'm here, I'm here!" The green demon doubled over, his hands on his knees as he gasped for breath. "Where is she?"
"Upstairs in Angel's room," Wesley answered quietly as he handed a hankerchief to Fred.
"How is she?" Gunn asked Wesley as he hurried up the stairs.
"No change."
"Damn" Gunn swore as he jogged to keep up with Wesley, Lorne trailing breathlessly behind them.
They arrived at Angel's room and all slowed their pace. Wesley cleared his throat before knocking softly on the door to announce their presence.
Lorne walked in the room and placed a gentle hand on Angel's shoulder. "How is she Angeleyes?"
"You knew she was dying and you didn't tell me" Angel replied lowly, not taking his eyes off Cordelia.
"Sorry Cupcake, she's a determined girl. She threatened me with things that no proper girl should." He looked over at her and frowned. "She told me she was going to tell you a long time ago. Guess I'll have to have a little talk with her."
"If you haven't noticed, it's a little late for talking Lorne" Angel stood and faced the Host. "I felt her dying in my arms, do you know what that makes me feel?" he asked with a choked back sob. "I felt her heart slow down, I saw the look of peace flash across her beautiful face. Tell me how the hell I stop this? Please"
"I'll do what I can," he answered quietly and slid into Angel's seat. He rubbed his hands together and placed them on her temples. "What are you doing in there Princess? Tell me what you see."
After what seemed like an eternity to Angel, Lorned turned back to him. "We need to speak. Alone."
"I'm not leaving her alone," Angel growled in response.
Wes and Gunn nodded and left the room quietly, taking Fred with them. Lorne turned back to Angel with sad eyes. "I'm afraid I don't have good news."
Angel's world turned upside down as time stopped, "Don't...don't tell me this is...just tell me what I can do" he pleaded, his eyes glazing over once more. "I can't let her go on like this Lorne, I can't, I won't let her suffer and die like this"
"Angel, Sweetie, did she tell you about that last vision?"
Angel's eyes closed in pain and misery as memories of holding Cordelia as she suffered through her previous vision. Slowly, Angel nodded, "Cordy s-said a girl, a vampire, drinking and then turning" he shook his head. "Wes and Gunn can fight the vision, I'm not leaving her here. I promised Cordy she wouldn't be alone and I'm not breaking that promise. I've barely kept any promises in my life, I'm keeping this one" he growled.
"Angel, that wasn't just any vision. That was HER vision. That vision was HER," he kept his voice gentle as he tried to explain what was still flashing in her mind even after she had stopped seeing it. "The pain she felt was her own."
Angel's jaw clenched with dread at what Lorne had implied. "You mean she experienced her own death through a vision?" he asked numbly. No wonder Cordelia was out cold, she was probably terrified beyond belief. "That won't happen, no vampire will ever touch her like that, I won't let it happen"
"Yes, she did Angel. And the vampire was you." He looked at Cordelia and placed his hand on her's. "Sweet dreams Princess."
Part 4: Rebirth
Angel stood outside of his room, his mind swarming with the bomb Lorne had just dropped on him. How could he be expected to do that to Cordelia? How could he damn her like that? He leaned his head back against the wall and looked upwards, silently pleading with the Powers to take away the visions and not have him do this.
Images of turning Drusilla and Penn accosted his mind. Drusilla had been the worst, the atrocities he had committed against her plagued him every day and night. Angel squeezed his eyes tight shut and willed away everything. He couldn’t turn Cordelia into what he was, he couldn’t make her a vampire.
To turn her would be to kill her and he just couldn’t do that, he couldn’t be the one to drink her even though a part of him screamed to do that everyday. Feel her rich, warm human blood as it coursed down his throat as he drank deeply. He knew what the rush would be like after living without human blood for so long.
Angel immediately stopped thinking that way and the guilt came flooding back to him. He wasn’t supposed to think of Cordelia in that way, she was his best friend and not his victim. He blocked out all other sounds with trained skill and just concentrated on her heartbeat through the door.
Tub thump tub thump tub thump.
The sound rang through his ears, the only thing that was ruining the sound was the hitching in breath and beat that signalled coming death. Angel bunched his hands into fists and pressed them into the door behind him, he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t kill her and he couldn’t let her suffer like this either.
His decision made, Angel turned the handle on his door, opened it quietly and walked in. Trying not to think about what he had to do to keep Cordelia alive, he sat on the bed next to her and held her limp hand. "I hope you can forgive me for this Cordelia, but I-I can't see you suffer like this. The others can't find a way to help you, please understand I can't let you die like this. I'm sorry" he let his head rest on her shoulder for a few seconds. It was the first time Angel had ever forced himself to vamp out to turn someone.
He eased his fangs in and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold his tears back. As soon as Cordelia's blood hit his tongue, Angel groaned in pleasure he had never known. The rich, warm human blood easily rushed down his throat as he drank her lifeforce. It was tasting the food of the Gods. She tasted of plums, ripe sunkissed fruit that made him shiver and never want to stop drinking.
Sweet and spicy at the same time, Angel moaned into her neck as he pulled on Cordelia's skin with his lips. His arms had brought her limp body against his and he pressed his fangs deeper into her neck.
Cordelia's eyes snapped open and she whimpered as he sunk his fangs deeper still into her neck. She finally realized that the vision had been her, but it wasn't suppose to happen. He was supposed to prevent her visions from happening. He wasn't supposed to be the one committing the atrocities. "Angel...please...no..." she gasped as her eyes started rolling back. Her breathing became rapid and irregular as she fought to remind her body how to breathe. Her heart rate fluctuated to the point of no return.
Angel's heart cracked wide open, but it was too late to stop now. If he did, Cordelia would die of blood loss. He pulled back long enough to say, "Forgive me" before plunging his fangs back into her neck.
She cried with what energy she had left. She didn't want this to happen. She didn't want to be the victim of her own vision. She didn't want it to be Angel that did this to her. The tears slid down her face as her heart all but stopped. The beats were few and far between as there was little blood left in her to pump. Her eyes slid shut, silently pleading that he'd just let her die.
Angel removed his fangs and sliced his wrist open, he placed it to her mouth. "Please Cordelia, please drink. I can't lose you like this, please. Please" he pleaded over and over. Angel felt it as Cordelia slowly began to drink, he wanted to ignore the rush he was getting from her drinking from him but he couldn't. He couldn't help the moan that escaped his lips as he watched her drink heavily. Then he saw the change, he felt the change in her. The flash of yellow in her hazel eyes, the way her body became harder as the demon took the soul's place inside her body. Angel watched it all.
Angel shoved her away when she had had enough and her body lay lifeless on his bed, the wounds on her neck no longer bleeding. Unlike the wounds to his heart.
She felt everything inside of her, all that made her a living, breathing, blood-pumping human die. She felt as his blood coursed an unfamiliar path through her seemingly lifeless body, and she felt the pain that there was nothing she could do to stop it. She gave in and let it happen. And then she slept.
***
Cordelia opened her eyes sometime later and looked around. Everything looked so strange. She thought she knew the room, but it looked different somehow. Angel raised his head from his hands and looked at her carefully, knowing that this Cordelia was soulless.
Cordelia ran her hands across the cotton sheets of the bed. It felt so different, she felt different and it felt...good. Even though the room was in near darkness, she could see perfectly. Shapes and colours were stronger and more vivid, the moonlight seemed to glow luminous and she could hear things she never heard before. Birds that would have seemed far away now sounded like they were just outside, she could hear the others pacing back and forth downstairs. Fred's hushed patter, Gunn's cursing and Wesley's reasoning voice. Cordelia heard it all.
And the loudest thing, the thing that called to her beyond all things was the sound of their heartbeats. It caused something in her to stir and it caused a horrific pain.
Angel saw her face twist in pain and instantly knew she would be hungry as all newborn vampires were. He stood up and picked up the first packet of pigs blood he had on hand for when she woke up. He held it out to her, "You're hungry" Angel told her gruffly and gave her the blood.
She grabbed the packets and smelled the blood through the plastic. Her face easily changed and she ripped into his, draining it in a matter of seconds. She cringed and threw the empty packet on the floor. "That's wrong," she growled, glaring at him.
"You can't have human blood Cordelia" Angel told her. "I know this is hard for you, but we can deal with this. It'll just take some getting used to"
"I don't want to get used to it." She jumped to her feet, smiling at her newfound speed and agility. "I want what I'm suppose to have. I'm not drinking rancid pig's blood just because you do."
Angel pushed her back down on the bed and vamped out. "You will do as you're told Cordelia, you will not drink human blood. Do you understand?" he growled at her.
She pushed him back and glared at him. "And why not?"
"Because you don't need to kill humans to survive that's why not. And also because I won't let you hurt innocent people"
"That's what I'm suppose to do." She brought her head up and connected it squarely with his nose. As he tumbled back in pain, she jumped off the bed and ran out the door. She slammed it shut behind her and broke the doorknob so he couldn't turn it and come out after her. "Sorry Daddy," she called through the door sarcastically. "Time for some fun." She hoped none of them knew about her yet. That was going to be so heart wrenching for them, and she wanted to be the one to break the news.
Cordelia walked down the stairs, faking her shakiness. She saw Fred. She was alone in the lobby and Cordelia smiled. "Fred..." she whispered.
Fred looked up and gasped when she saw Cordelia's pale, shaky form at the bottom of the step. "Cordy" she ran to help her, "What are you doing out of bed? Where's Angel? Can I get you anything? Water, tea, cocoa or something stronger like a cappuccino?" she asked as she helped Cordelia over to the couch in the lobby.
You know what I need Fred? A nice hug from my friend. It's been so scary these past few months, knowing that I'm dying. I just really need a hug." She smiled sweetly and faintly heard Angel banging on the door upstairs. She knew Fred couldn't hear it, so there was no need to worry about it.
Fred smiled, completely unaware of the imminent danger she was in, "A hug always helps, that's what my momma tells me anyway" she leaned towards Cordelia and wrapped her arms around the older girl and something felt off, not right but she dismissed it. Of course something was not right, Cordelia was dying.
Cordy smiled and vamped out. "Yes, it does Fred." She sunk her fangs into the young girl's neck and began to drink viciously. The taste was like nothing she had ever tasted before. There was a certain spice to the Texan. 'Probably due to all those damn tacos,' she thought as she gripped the girl's squirming figure. She heard her scream out and smiled. That was a wonderful sound.
Angel heard Fred's scream of pain and kicked his door as hard as he could, breaking the wood finally. He raced downstairs to the lobby and was momentarily stunned by the horrifying scene of Cordelia drinking Fred while winking at him over her shoulder. Angel rushed over, grabbed Fred off Cordelia and pressed his hand firmly over the wound on her neck. He growled a vicious warning at Cordelia who merely smiled contentedly in response. "It's alright Fred, God, I'm so sorry" he whispered as he took Fred to Wesley's office.
Cordy grinned as he fussed over her and walked to the doorway. "I remember you fussing over me like that. Then you went and killed me. I haven't thanked you for that, have I?" She heard Wesley and Gunn running to find out what the commotion was about and she blew a kiss to Angel. "Guess the proper thank you will have to wait." She winked again and walked confidently out the door and into the night.
Part 5: Torturing a Soul
Wesley ran in upon hearing the commotion. "What's going on?"
Angel looked away for a second, "Help me take care of Fred first then I'll explain," he replied in a choked tone as he kept his hand over Fred's neck.
"Of course." He ran to the bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit. "I don't really know how to do this. This is usually Cordelia's territory," he spoke rigidly as he cleaned the bite and dressed the wound.
Angel tightened his lips as he backed away from Fred, "Are you ok?" he asked the clearly and understandably shaken girl. He was trying not to taste Cordelia's blood in his mouth, but it was so delicious and perfect.
"I...I think so...what...?" She looked to Angel for answers that she needed now.
There was no easy way to say this so he dove right in and started with Cordelia's last vision. "Before Cordy passed out, she had a vision of a girl being turned by a vampire in a hotel" Angel explained in a far away voice. "She passed out after that so she couldn't tell me anymore. Lorne looked into her mind and saw the girl being turned was herself. She saw her own death"
Wesley looked at Angel, not wanting to believe what the vampire with a soul was saying. "Angel..."
Angel gave him a pained look confirming what Wesley was thinking was correct. He looked at the floor and away from Wesley's stunned expression. "We-I interpreted it wrong" Angel's voice turned hard, "I couldn't let her go, couldn't let her die and couldn't let her suffer. So I..."
"Did Cordelia do this?" he asked, motioning to Fred.
Angel nodded slowly, "I'm so sorry" he whispered to both of them. "I just couldn't let her go"
"Where is she now?" Wesley struggled to keep his anger and his pain reigned in.
"I don't know, she walked out when she heard you come back" Angel replied, his voice still the same whisper filled with self-hate and relief that Cordelia was at least alive in some way.
"Then we have to find her." He voice was cold and emotionless.
"I know Wes, I know"
Cordelia walked down the street, stretching her limbs with a smile. All these people, didn't they know that there were bad things out in the night? Like her? She looked at the man that had asked her if she was okay and smiled. "I will be now." She grabbed him and sunk her fangs into his neck, draining him easily. "So much better than pig's blood."
She dropped the empty corpse and licked her lips. "Time to make a social call." She walked through the door and scanned the club. She saw who she was looking for and smiled. "Hello Lorne."
At the sound of Cordelia's voice, Lorne looked at her with a smile that slowly faded when his gaze locked onto her demonic gaze. "Oh he didn't" Lorne asked with a look that said 'oh no'
"Oh, he did," she cooed and leaned across the bar. "Thanks for telling him about that vision. Couldn't have happened without you."
"Brown eyes, we both got the wrong end of the stick," Lorne told her with genuine remorse on his face and in his tone as he walked to be in front of her.
"I think I whole-heartedly disagree there Lorne. I don't think there's a wrong end. It think there's a good end, and a better one." She stretched her across the bar, enjoying the feel of the smooth, laqured wood beneath her arms.
Lorne knew he had to stall for time until he could get Angel down here, and it would be interesting to see what Cordelia's vampire aura was like. Not that he didn't already know, "Why don't you grace me with a little tune Lambkin? I would love to see what's in your aura"
She grinned and sat up on her stool. "And what would you like me to sing? Shall I serenade you, or would you like an upbeat number?"
Lorne pretended to think for a few moments before answering. "I think a nice, slow serenade would be a delightful distraction from that" he pointed to the weird demon singing Staying Alive on the stage. "Talk about not carrying a tune" he said to Cordelia with a grimace.
"Yeah, John Travolta he's not with those dance moves too." She methodically walked to the stage and pushed the demon off. "My turn." She turned to Lorne with a wink.
She began to sing, not caring if her rendition of 'Just Died in Your Arms Tonight' was something to be desired or not. She could tell by the looks she was getting from the male part of the audience, she was something to be desired. She loved it.
"Fitting choice" Lorne muttered as he saw into vampire Cordelia's being. He could see the family resemblence between her and Angelus. There were soulless beings and then there were just plain evil entities that would do something just for the hell of it. Cordelia was one of those entities, he used this time to reach for the phone hidden behind the bar to call Angel and get him down here. Before the newborn vampire left to cause any more carnage.
Cordelia suddenly gripped her head and closed her eyes. She opened them again with a sinister smile and dropped the microphone on the stage. "Sorry Lorne, would love to stay and sing, but the PTB seem to think that there's someone in need of saving."
"Princess, wait, you didn't finish your song!" Lorne called after her. She couldn't leave yet; Angel was on his way.
"Like I'm gonna wait around for my wonderful sire and his band of goody goodies to come and take me 'home'." She walked out the door, slamming it after her.
She walked down the dark street to the park her vision had pointed her too. "So nice of the Powers to give me take-out. Makes things so easy." Cordy approached the demon that was ready to rip the poor girl limb from limb and effortlessly snapped it's neck.
"Th-thank you." The girl's voice was shaky and Cordy could smell the blood the demon had managed to draw before she arrived. "What was that?"
Cordelia blinked as she looked at the would-be victim and smiled sweetly. Right before vamping out, "Nothing compare to me" she purred as she dragged the girl off the floor. "We are going to have so much fun, I promise you'll be screaming by the end of it"
"N..no! Please!" the girl screamed in complete and total fear.
Cordy loved the sensation it was causing in her. She wanted to make the girl even more scared. She smoothed her hair in a tender manner. "I just want to make you scream louder sweetie. And I'm so hungry. You wouldn't want me to be hungry would you?" Her voice was so soft and tender, it sent shivers through the girl. Cordelia grinned and took in the scent of the girl deeply.
Cordelia's eyes fluttered as she revelled in being the one to bring the girl to such a fever of pitch of fear. It was positively euphoric, it made her feel in control and she was going to use this girl as a statement.
She looked at the girl intensely. "You know, he'll be very angry with me when he finds you. So I'll just have to make sure his anger is worthwhile. What should I do first? Break every single one of your bones or should we draw the blood first?"
"Please I..." the girl cried as she shook when Cordelia started advancing towards her. "I'll do anything you want...please just let me go and I won't tell anybody... Please" soft sobs and tears rolled down the girl's face as she looked at the thing in front of her.
Her smile only grew wider at the girl's tears. "Now I know why Angelus got such a high off this." She feigned a lunge at the girl and laughed when she screamed again. "But it'll be so fun. For me anyways. I haven't had the chance to have fun yet." She pouted at the memory of Angel ripping Fred from her arms.
The girl cried harder which only resulted in Cordelia laugh at her all the more. "What's the matter? Are you scared? Are you scared of dying? I was but look how great it's turning out for me, I mean wow!"
The girl sank to her knees and continued to cry. "Oh come on! Death isn't so bad. It's the pain that comes before it." She smirked at the girl and lunged at her again, this time grabbing her by the neck.
She squeezed her fist around her windpipe, causing the girl to start gasping and choking for breath desperately. "That's another plus side to being dead, you don't have need for breath thus resulting in no one being able to choke you to death. Have I mentioned how much I like being dead?"
The girl thrashed frantically, trying to get breath into her body which was screaming for oxygen. She watched Cordelia's face with wide eyes as the spots began to form in her eyes. Her head felt like it would explode and her terror only seemed to fuel the other on. She fought until she couldn't fight anymore.
Cordy looked at the girl's limp figure with disgust. "Some fight you put up."
The newly turned vampiress sauntered away from the limp body shaking her head in disappointment. "Angelus did always say they never made em like they used. Who knew that he had an actual working brain? Oh well, off to find something with a little more...bite" she grinned evilly and rubbed her hands together happily.
***
Angel rushed into Carita's. "Where is she?" he asked, his voice full of urgency and guilt.
"Sorry Crumb Cake, she got my stall game and scarpered off" Lorne replied apologetically with a look on his face.
He slammed his fist against the wall in frustration. "Did she give you any idea where she was going?"
Lorne shrugged helplessly, "I will give you a warning Angel Pie, this is really gonna get messy if you don't find her soon. If what I saw in her aura is anything to go by, she inherited more than your vampirism"
"What do you mean?" he asked, already knowing the answer but he was too afraid to admit it.
"Think Angelus in bra and panties" Lorne replied in a low voice.
Angel closed his eyes, the guilt washing over him again. "I've got to find her."
He ran back out the door and stood in the street for a moment. "Where are you Cordy?" He picked up her scent and took off running in the direction she went.
He easily reached the place where Cordelia had killed the demon and stared at the carcass of the demon in surprise. Did she have a vision? Did she save the person in her vision? Angel yet again tracked her scent to where Cordelia had gone after killing the demon. The lifeless corpse of a girl was found, handprints around the girl's neck told Angel how she died. The scent surrounding the girl told Angel who had killed her.
He let out a growl in anger, fear and guilt. He was as much responsible for this girl's death as Cordy. He may not have actually killed her, but he'd given life to the monster that had. His heart broke at the thought of Cordy being a monster, but he knew it was true. He knew all too well. He had to find her before she did any more damage.
Cordelia watched Angel from a rooftop as her sire soaked up the guilt for her kill. "Poor Angel, my heart just breaks you've been through so much" she sniffed mockingly. "And you're going to go through so much more. By the time I through with you, you'll wish to God you never met me"
Part 6: Evil is as Evil Does
The next evening saw Cordelia walking happily through the street fair, scanning the throng of people for something that would take her fancy. Something sweet, yes she was definitely in the mood for something sweet.
The vampire stopped and let out a delighted but surprised chuckle. "Oh please, tell me he didn't" Cordelia said as her face lit up as she watched a girl with blonde, wavy hair. The girl in question turned round and Cordelia had to look twice.
"If I didn't know any better, I'd swear she was Buffy..." Cordelia's words trailed off as she stared at her. "How much would Angel like to see this?" she asked herself as she began to follow her.
Cordelia had always thought Buffy was pretty, stupid and dumb, but still pretty. She followed the blonde, a serene smile on her red lips as she weaved through the crowd of ignorant people. The blonde stopped at a stall, Cordelia took the opportunity and walked up to her. "Excuse me" she said in a perky voice.
The girl turned to her, "Yes?" she asked in a kind tone accompanied with a smile.
"I just have to say I really like your hair" Cordelia replied, as she held back from throwing up at the girl's saccharin sweet tone.
The girl beamed, "Really? I just had it done today, it's supposed to be Natural Honey Blonde," she confessed.
"It isn't natural?" Cordelia gasped as she widened her eyes in mock surprise. "I just have to say that it reminds me of the sun..." she let her voice drift off wistfully.
"No, it's not" the blonde replied with a smile and stuck her hand out. "I'm Barbara."
Cordelia smiled, oh the irony, but kept her sad tone, "I'm Cordelia, it's nice to meet you. Have you been in L.A long?" she asked as her eyes showed the sadness she was making Barbara believe.
"A few years now" Barbara replied, "I hope you don't mind me asking but are you alright? It's just you seem kind of...sad"
Cordelia blinked back tears, "I just broke up with my boyfriend a few hours ago, we'd been together for a few years" she fibbed.
Barbara's face showed pity as she placed her hand on Cordelia's shoulder. "Listen, I know I've only just met you but I'm a great listener. If you're not in any hurry, we can go grab a coffee or something if you want to talk"
'Oh great, not only does she look like the thorn in my side, but she talks like her to. I'll be doing the world a favour by killing her' Cordelia thought as she struggled with the want to just snap her neck there and then. "Sure, if you don't mind that is. It's just sometimes the best person to talk to is a perfect stranger you know" Cordelia replied in a grateful tone. 'Not for you it isn't' she thought as she and Barbara walked off.
***
The next day, a delivery boy walked into the Hyperion lobby. "Excuse me?" he asked Fred who was being protectively watched by Gunn, Wesley and Angel. "I have this" the delivery boy held up a long box, "For a Mr. A.N Gelus"
Angel looked up curiously and his stomach plummeted to the floor. "I'm Angel" he replied gruffly as he walked over and took the long box held out to him.
"Great see ya" the delivery boy left just as quickly as he came.
He eyed the box suspiciously. He hadn't ordered any flowers for anybody. He opened the box and looked in at the perfect red roses that lay inside. He picked up the note, somewhat afraid to open it.
"Dear Daddy" Angel read to himself, "Just letting you know I'm okay and doing well. Life is treating me very well as you can imagine. Please don't come looking for me, you might slip up and end up with something sharp somewhere painful. Your loving daughter, Cordy"
Angel felt another part of his heart break as he read the note. He knew why she had sent these. She would have loved them. It was to remind him of who she was before he had turned her, to remind him what he had lost and to fully realize how different she truly was now.
He knew from personal experience that Cordelia was no where near finished with giving him gifts. It seemed like the tables had turned on the Scourge of Europe and he was the object of a soulless vampire's obession. He went to pick the roses out of the box but a thorn pricked his skin, causing him to smile bitterly. How many beautiful things had hidden dangers?
"Pretty flowers," Fred smiled weakly. "Who are they from?"
Angel looked away from, reluctant to answer knowing Fred was already panicking about Cordelia coming after her again. "Angel..." Wesley's knowing but questioning voice followed Fred's question.
"They're from Cordy, aren't they?" Gunn asked, his voice full of anger and resentment he felt towards Angel.
Angel nodded, "Yeah" he replied quietly, "They are"
Gunn dropped the axe that he had been polishing and grabbed the box out of Angel's hands. He quickly made his way to the trash can, fully intending on getting rid of them.
"Gunn" Angel's voice stopped him and Gunn turned round, brutal anger on his handsome face.
"What?"
"Give them back" Angel told him firmly as he locked eyes with the rightfully angry young man.
"Why? What do you need them for? She's gone. These aren't from Cordy. You killed Cordy. She isn't Cordy anymore."
"Don't you think I know that?" Angel yelled back just as angrily. "I know I killed Cordy, I know I made her a killer, I know okay. I see it every night Gunn, I don't need you to tell me about it. I was there I know what I did" he had stopped yelling and his voice had turned to a pained whisper. "I know okay, so just...stop"
"I won't stop Angel. You took away the only sister I had left. I lost one to your kind, and now you did the same to Cordy." He dropped the flowers into the garbage can. "If I see her, I will kill her. It's what Cordy would have wanted," he warned Angel seriously. At the moment, he didn't care about the vampire's pain.
I can't let you kill her Gunn. There's still a chance I can help her" Angel told him in a slight growl. Killing or not, Cordelia was still his childe and if anybody was going to kill her it would be him and not Gunn.
"I won't let her hurt Fred again. If you're going to help her, you'd better do it fast. I promise you Angel, I will dust her ass the first chance I get." He picked up his axe and walked out of the lobby angrily.
Part 7: Gifts From the Heart
Angel held the square, prettily wrapped box in his tight grip as he walked into the kitchen so the others wouldn't see what was inside. The smell of the blood was stale and tainted, making his stomach revolt.
He picked up the usual note to read it first, anything to put off seeing what it went with. "Dear Daddy, just another gift to say how much I love you. I know this will give you fond memories, as soon as I saw it I thought of you. Aren't I sweet? Yours forever, Cordy" the note dropped from his shaking hands as he turned to the box.
Angel peeled off the wrapping, gulping as the stench of stale blood invaded his senses. The pretty wrapping ravelled revealed a 'Thinking of You' box that had teddy bears on the sides. He opened the box and all he could do was stare.
Staring back at him was a pair of green, lifeless eyes, blonde wavy hair with red roses entwined in the strands. The lips were painted with a bubblegum pink lipgloss and a rosy pink blush across the cheeks. Another note was put inside the mouth, making Angel touch what was left of another innocent person.
Angel pulled the note from the mouth of the unknown girl with a shaky hand as he tried not to look at the eyes staring at him accusingly. The envelope had "Angel" written in stale blood, staining the white background. He opened the note, "I couldn't believe the resemblence, I was once told that we all have a double but I never really believed it. This goes to show that even I'm not right all the time. I hope you look upon this special gift of mine and hold me in your highest regards. Cordy"
Angel let the second note fall to the floor as he began to breathe heavy breaths. He walked a step or two backwards, intending on throwing the body-less head out. "Gyahhh!" Angel jumped a mile and dropped the head when his cell phone suddenly rang. The box fell from his hands, causing the severed head to roll across the kitchen floor.
"H-hello?"
"Hi Angel" Cordelia greeted in her cheerful voice that made Angel's heart crack a little more.
"Cordelia? Where are you?" His voice was full of anger and pain.
"Whatever happened to all those people skills I taught you, hmm?" Cordelia asked and chastised him in the same manner. "How are you Cordy? Oh I'm just fine Angel, thanks for your concern"
"Where are you?" he asked again, forcing his voice to be firm. "This has to stop."
"What? You didn't like it? I thought what your penchant for whiny blondes she would be exactly what you would want. My bad. Not that I blame you of course, God she just wouldn't shut up, I never thought I would meet anybody half as bad as Buffster, but boy was I wrong"
"Cordelia!" he growled, his free hand balling into a fist.
"Oh come on, like you didn't know I would play you at your own games. How do you like it?"
"Just tell me where you are. I'm in no mood to talk about my past with you. Where. Are. You?!"
"I guess you're pretty mad at me huh?" Cordelia asked ruefully. "Actually, I was wondering if you could meet me at Caritas tonight. I've decided I no longer want to be evil and mean, I'm turning over a new leaf"
"When?" He didn't trust her, but he needed a chance to bring her back home.
"Did you not hear me say I want to meet you at caritas TONIGHT? I know you're old and everything but that doesn't mean your hearing has gone on the blinkers" Cordelia retorted sweetly.
You'd better be there," he growled. He turned to see three shocked, horrified, and sickened faces in the doorway. The three pairs of eyes were riveted to the head that lay on its side against the kitchen counter. "I have to go."
"Aww do you have to? I like the sound of your voice, I was thinking we could have a more...adult conversation"
He didn't answer her before hanging up. "I'll clean this up when I get back," he told Wesley as he headed for the door.
***
Cordelia laid on the bar, staring at the ceiling, ignoring Lorne's yammering about how it would be better for her to go back with Angel. She smoothed her evening gown of it's wrinkles. She wanted to look her best for her 'daddy'.
Angel paused before going inside the club, trying to think up some way he could get Cordelia to come back with him without resorting to hurting her. Again.
She could sense him outside and she smiled. "Come and get me Angel," she dared him, not moving from her spot on the bar.
Angel sauntered in like he owned the place, determined not to let her get into his mind. He spotted her laid out on the bar, dressed in a red evening gown and he couldn't help but allow his eyes to roam over her. "Cordelia" he greeted emotionlessly.
She turned her head and looked him up and down before sitting up and swinging her legs down. "What? You couldn't at least get a little more dressed up for me?" She looked down at her dress as her stillettos clicked against the hard floor. It dipped dangerously low in the front. As she twirled around, Angel could see that it dipped into even more dangerous territory in the back. "Don't you like my dress? The saleswoman said it looked like it was made for me. Of course, that was while she could still speak." She flashed him her Cordelia Chase smile that he had loved before.
"What do you want?" Angel asked, as if he couldn't have guessed. The only thing Cordelia was screaming out right now was sex.
She placed a hand on his chest and let the fabric slide between her fingers. "What makes you think I want something? Can I see the man who made me what I am?"
Angel didn't reply as he forced himself not to react to her touch as he stood stock still. His face unreadable and the pain in his eyes undisguised. "I am the man that made you what you are, and I can't tell you how sorry I am for what I've done to you" he told her in a pained voice.
She pouted, drawing his eyes to her red lips. "You don't love me anymore? I'm only doing what I'm supposed to do. Why do you hate me for that?" She let her body touch his, bringing her arms to his waist.
Angel didn't return the gesture and kept his arms at his side. "I don't hate you Cordelia, I need you to stop killing"
"Why?" She dropped her hands from him. "Why do you want to deny me what's mine? You made me this way and now you want to take away the only thing that satisfies me, that makes me happy?" She touched his face tenderly. "Don't you want me to be happy Angel?"
"Of course I want you to be happy, I've always wanted for you to be happy Cordelia. But I can't allow you to keep killing like this" Angel told her honestly.
"Just think of the team we could make Angel." Her closeness made him back up a few steps. She walked closer again, until his knees hit the back of a booth and he fell back into a sitting postition. She smiled seductively at him, placing a knee on either side of his legs, straddling him. "You and me. No one would be able to stop us. And we could be together forever. Isn't that what you wanted Angel? Isn't that why you sired me? So I'd always be with you?" She whispered her words in his ear, her fingers roaming across his chest.
Angel felt fire coming from her touch but he still refused to act on it. "I sired you because I thought I was saving you not because I wanted you for eternity." He allowed her hands to travel up his neck and tickle the hairs on the nape of his neck. "But I can't ever be with you while you're killing innocent people Cordelia. I'll never be happy, don't you want me to be happy?" he turned her own words against her.
“Of course I do Angel. Because if you're happy, then you'll be with me, no doubt." She kissed his neck, nipping at it playfully. "Let yourself be perfectly happy Angel. Let me make you happy. Let us be happy together." She looked at him with large hazel eyes, her lips brushing against his. "I want us to be together."
Angel could feel his resolve slipping, he couldn't stop his arms going round her and bringing her closer to him. He flicked his tongue out to taste her lips and wasn't surprise to taste a trace of blood from her latest kill. He couldn't stop the little thrill tasting blood on his childe's lips gave him and he launched an all-out assault on her lips.
Cordy embraced him, kissing him as furiously as he kissed her. Her hands struggled to touch every part of him that she could reach, pulling at his jacket, determined to remove every bit of the material that separated her from feeling his skin against hers. She felt his hands on her bare back and she pressed against him harder still.
"Umm...Dumplings?" Lorne looked around at the few patrons of his club that were there, all watching the two vampires clawing at the others clothing.
Angel snapped his eyes open as he came crashing back to Earth. He pushed Cordelia off his lap and touched his lips that had traces of blood from Cordelia's mouth. He looked at her smiling at him wantonly; he couldn't accept her while she was killing. "I am sorry Cordelia, but I can't accept you like this" he told her as he stood.
Her eyes grew cold and dark. "You of all people should accept me Angel. You're the one who made me. I'm what I am because of you." She turned her back to him and smiled at a demon who'd spent most of the night drooling over her.
"You have to know that I'm sorry, I got your vision wrong. I know I wasn't supposed to turn you and I'm more sorry than you could ever imagine" Angel told her harshly as fresh memories raced through his mind of how Cordelia became a vampire, a killer, because of him.
"Oh, but it was right, the vision. It was me and you in the vision. And we have Lorne to thank for telling you about that." She turned, no hint of a smile on her face. "So, did you take good care of Fred like you used to take care of me?"
"Of course I take care of Fred, she's part of the family. You take care of family Cordelia, you taught me that" Angel told her also with no hint of amusement.
"Then why aren't you taking care of me now?" Her voice was tinged with lonliness and uncertainty. He couldn't know what it was like to be alone so young. He'd had Darla to teach him. She had only what she'd learned as a human in Sunnydale and LA.
"I will take care of you if you would come home with me" Angel pleaded with her. He could hear the genuine loneliness in her voice and realised she had had no one to teach her how to live as a vampire. "Please Cordy" he used the nickname, "Please come home and let me take care of you"
She hesitated for a moment and then shook her head. "No. If I go back there, you'll make me drink pig's blood and I'll have to watch them walking around me all damn day, their blood pumping through their bodies, calling to me. You won't let me, therefore, I can't go with you."
"I know hard it is to live with that day in and day out, but it gets easier. Believe me I know" Angel told her as he willed her to come back to the hotel with him.
"I'm not you Angel. I don't have that stupid soul telling me that I can't. I can, I want to, and I will."
"I won't let you"
"And how are you going to stop me?" She whirled around, her eyes flashing at him. "You gonna kill me?”
Angel felt another part of his remaining hope die, "If I have to Cordelia I will. And you know I'm not lying"
"Then come and get me, because I'm hungry."
Angel moved to take her with him by force, he went to grab her roughly but was thrown back by the 'no violence' spell in effect. He watched as Cordelia waved sweetly before sauntering out of Caritas.
Part 8: Shady Dealings
Angel sat on his bed, his mind on the brink of madness brought on by the mess he had made with Cordelia. On the foot of his bed lay the roses, which she had sent him that, he had rescued from the trash where Gunn had put them. He closed to eyes to banish the image of the head he had received earlier. The red petals standing out in heightened contrast against the pale skin and pale hair of the body-less corpse. He buried his head in his hands, fighting off exhaustion, knowing nightmares would haunt his restless dreams.
He looked at his jacket wearily as his cell phone rang and showed no signs of stopping until he answered it.
Angel pressed the answer button and spoke into the mouthpiece. "What?" he asked gruffly.
"Hello Angel," a familiar voice greeted him.
Angel rubbed his tired eyes, "What do you want Lilah?" he asked, he wasn't up to having an argument with the lawyer right now.
"I have a proposition for you Angel," she told him sweetly. "What would you do to have Cordelia back?"
"What?" Angel growled as his attention now focused on Lilah's words.
"Meet me in my office. I think we can both get what we want if we work together. A trade of sorts."
Angel chuckled slightly, "A trade? Like the last trade where you induced Cordelia visions just so I would get that demon outta jail?"
"Do you want Cordelia back or not?" she asked, her voice hinting at irritation.
"What do you expect me to do?" he asked.
"I'll help you capture Cordelia and re-ensoul her. I only want one little itty-bitty thing from you. I want you to trade one soul for another." Her voice was calm and confident. "So what do you say Angel? Is her soul worth yours?"
"You would rather have Angelus than a three day old vampire running round?" Angel asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I have more interest in Angelus. Besides, what good is a three day old vampire when she hasn't had someone to teach her anything?" She knew enough about the situation to manipulate him. "What's she worth to you Angel? Do you want to see her staked by your little do-gooders? I hear that your muscle is ready to dust his surrogate sister in a heartbeat...or lack thereof."
Lilah hung up the phone in her office, a self-satisfied smile on her face as she sat in her chair. Leaning back in the leather seat, she folded her fingers together as she waited for Angel to show up. His soul for Cordelia's. That had been a brilliant plan on her part. "Lilah, is that cellulite I see?" a female voice purred from a corner of her room.
She turned in her chair and smiled at Cordelia. "How nice to see you Cordelia. I must say, the whole dead thing is a good look for you."
Cordelia sauntered out from the corner, licking at the corner of her mouth. "You have good security guards, you should have gave them a raise"
"I'll remember that for the next batch I hire." She sat back into her chair again. "Angel's coming to see me. Do you want to be here when I get him to give up his soul?"
Cordelia pretended to think about that for a second before nodding. "I think it would be good for my sire and I to bond on a more personal level. The soul losing would be a great help"
"Good. I offered to help him re-ensoul you for the trading of his soul. Of course, what I didn't tell him was that I never intend to re-ensoul you. Vampires with souls are such a pain, you know that?"
"Thank God for that" Cordelia remarked, "God only knows how much I would urge Angelus to kill you if you did give me a soul. Just the thought of spending my entire eternity on pig's blood makes my skin crawl"
"I can only imagine." Lilah stood up and glanced at the door. "He should be here soon. Shall we make this look authentic for him? Make it look like I need the big hero to save me?"
"I think I can do that,” Cordelia purred in a soft, sweet innocent voice that had Lilah's nerves crackling. The vampiress walked towards Lilah, a hungry look in her eyes as she devoured every single inch of the lawyer. Inhaling the fear that was starting to mount, tasting the tangy blood from where Lilah had just bitten her bottom lip. Cordelia closed her eyes, when she opened them again her hazel eyes had diminished to yellow demonic ones. "Let's make this authentic"
"Cordelia, don't forget, we're both playing for the same win here," she tried to reason with the her, doing her best to curb her fear. "We both want the same thing."
"I doubt that very much Lilah" Cordelia pressed her into the wall gently at first. She lowered her head the lawyer's neck and licked the skin salty with adrenalin gushing underneath the skin. Lilah forced herself to look straight at Cordelia, not tilting her head either way. "I love the way you smell Lilah. All floral and musky"
"Cordelia, think about this. Will Angel let Angelus out if I'm not here to do this fake deal with him?" Lilah was surprised at Cordy's advancement to her. It was almost sexual in nature.
"What makes you so sure I need you to bring Angelus out?" Cordelia purred in a whisper as the need to drink Lilah's fear-laced blood was driving her insane with need. Cordelia ran her fingertips down the right side of Lilah's neck, stroking the jugular. Cordelia's body was buzzing with craven and desire for more human blood. Lilah would be the third person she had drained within the last two hours.
I'm more of an asset to you alive Cordelia. We can work together to get what we want. If you want to go kill all of Angel's little lackey's, I really don't care." Her body shivered at Cordelia's touch.
Cordelia smirked at Lilah's shiver and pressed her body harder against Lilah's. "Is it the power that gets you off? Or is that you just find me wickedly attractive?"
"What?" Her voice pitched in shock and from the pressure Cordelia was exerting on her.
"Oh come off it Li, you know I've always admired how strong of a woman you are. You have to be tough to make it in a job like yours. Wanna show me how strong you really are?" Cordelia ran her elongated fangs down the side of Lilah's jugular as her hand trailed down Lilah's thigh.
She shivered again at the contact, not exactly sure when it was that she had lost control over the situation. "What are you doing?" she asked, trying to ignore the sensation that the cool hand on her thigh was causing in her.
"I like power and I know the feeling's mutual" Cordelia nipped at Lilah's skin, talking in a rich throaty whisper. "There's just one problem here" her hand began to inch up Lilah's skirt.
"There is only enough room for one vicious bitch and that's me. So I'm taking all your power away" Cordelia laughter sent waves of dread along Lilah's spine as her mind registered what Cordelia intended on doing to her.
"Cordelia," her voice had been reduced to a plea, something she had never heard come out of herself before. "I can help you, please."
Cordelia used her strength and speed to throw Lilah onto the floor, straddling her hips with her own stronger ones. Cordelia winked as she ground her hips into the frightened lawyer's, "One thing I've learned about you Li, you can take a little pain. Somebody hits you; you hit back. But me, pardon the pun, but I go straight for the jugular" she ground her hips into Lilah's again.
"The only way to take away your shell Lilah, is to take away you're power. I'm going to make it so you can never look at your reflection again without thinking about what I've done to you. I'm going to give you a taste of the power that you crave so much and I'm going to make you choke on it" Cordelia leaned down so she was lying totally on top of Lilah. "You feel" she shivered "So good Lilah"
Lilah tried to push Cordelia off of her. "Get off me you crazy bitch!"
Cordelia only laughed at her merrily, she grabbed Lilah's hands and easily held them above her head with one of her own. She used her other hand to feel Lilah's chest before squeezing so hard Lilah cried out in pain. "Now I enjoy that kind of screaming. Let’s see if I can make you scream louder. I hope your bosses aren't seeing this, what would they think of you? Getting raped by another woman? You really shouldn't dress like you do Lilah, you're totally asking for it" Cordelia squeezed Lilah's breast again, only harder eliciting another scream.
"Stop, please! What do you want?" She squirmed beneath Cordelia's grasp but she couldn't break free. Her body shook uncontrollably as the vampire ripped her blouse, sending the buttons scattering across the room.
"Making you understand about real power. The kind of power you thought you had when you tapped into my visions, leaving me disturbingly disfigured" Cordelia replied as she licked a trail with her tongue down Lilah's neck and towards the middle of her breasts.
"I got over that, but I seriously doubt you will ever get over this" Cordelia gave her a beaming Chase grin before harshly and extremely painfully sinking her fangs into Lilah's breast and drinking heavily. She used her free hand to make teasing circles inching back up Lilah's thigh. All through it, the female lawyer screamed and struggled uselessly with her.
Lilah's screamed stopped instantly when she felt the cold fingers tug her thong to one side. She was really going to do this and Lilah was on the verge of going into total shock. "Please Cordel--" Her plea was cut off by her gasp as she felt the finger thrust into her harshly and painfully. "No..." She wanted to cry but she was going numb. The only thing she felt was the physical pain that the vampiress was inflicting on her.
Cordelia retracted her fangs from Lilah's bloodied breast and laughed in her ear. "I thought you liked power Lilah, or am I not using enough to get you all wet for me? I can't simply believe that you don't find me attractive" she told the woman who was lying beneath her crying silent tears.
Cordelia mercilessly drove another finger into Lilah's body hard and laughed sweetly in her ear all the while. "Ooh, I love a screamer. I bet you're wishing I was Angel aren't you? I bet you thinking of him, or is Angelus you're thinking of? Would you be wet if it was him making you scream like a child?" Cordelia laughed again. "That's why you want to take away Angel's soul isn't it? Because you want to do desirably naughty things to what's mine. Not gonna happen baby," she purred.
Lilah's body tightened defensively around the invading fingers and she continued to try and push Cordelia off of her. She really didn't think about it anymore. It was just instinct. She needed to get away from her attacker. Her body was beginning to ache from Cordelia's drinking and from her brutal treatment. She closed her eyes, trying to shut out the world, trying to save her last shreds of humility.
Cordelia saw Lilah's gaze drift off focus, she removed her hand from between Lilah's legs and slapped the lawyer's mouth. "Wake up, you're going to feel everything I do to you" Cordelia hissed as she used her fingers to make Lilah taste herself. "Didn't I tell you that you tasted good?" she asked smugly.
"Not that I'm going down there, God only knows where you've been. I am enjoying this so much, I worked up an appetite,” she said with another Chase grin. Cordelia took her fingers from Lilah's mouth to wrap her hand around her windpipe and squeezed while she moved her body down. Cordelia smirked when she heard Lilah not quite so gasping for breath as she struggled to dislodge Cordelia's grip on her throat. Fangs harshly pierced a trembling thigh and Lilah screamed.
Cordelia felt someone grab her by her hair and pull her up, ripping her fangs from the lawyer’s thigh viciously. Angel quickly reached an arm around her, pinning her own arms to her side. "I think you've had enough fun Cordy," he told her in a low voice that vibrated throughout her body.
Cordelia pouted and stomped her foot like a petulant child, "But daddy, I was only playing"
"Now you're coming home with me."
Part 9: Help at Hand
Cordelia struggled against him as he opened the door to a room back in the Hyperion. "No! Let me go!! I don't want to be here!!"
Angel didn't reply as he flung her inside the room, stepping in after her and closed the door. "I'm not letting you loose after what you've just pulled" he growled.
"Oh, like you've never done anything so horrible in your unlife?!" Her eyes were narrow and flashed with yellow as she growled back at him.
"Now I'm paying for what I did, I won't let you go down the same path Cordelia. I can't allow you to kill or hurt anymore people" Angel told her firmly as his own eyes flashed yellow as he struggled with self-anger and hatred.
"Oh, poor Angel. Always the tortured one," she mocked him cruelly. "You can't stop me from doing what I want. That's the joy of it all Angel, no miserable soul to keep from doing what I want."
"You may not have a soul Cordelia" Angel replied lowly, "But I do and I can't, won't, let you go on doing this. It will only make things worse for you in the long run"
"How could it possible make things worse? It's so much fun!" She flashed her smile at him.
When she smiled like that, it took everything Angel had to keep him from thinking that it was just Cordelia. The Cordelia that he loved and would do anything for. He still did love her, that he couldn't deny and it was because of that love that he couldn't let her hurt anyone else. "I speak from personal experience about things going from bad to worse when you think like that" he told her as he started to back away towards the door. "I'm doing this for your own good Cordelia, until you can learn to behave you're staying put"
Her eyes grew wide as he moved toward the door. "What are you doing? Where are you going?!"
"Whatever I have to do too save you, and everybody else, from yourself" Angel replied as he quickly opened the door, shut and locked it behind him.
She threw herself against the door and let out a scream. She began to bang on the door frantically. "Let me out of here!!!"
Angel forced himself to ignore her screams of rage as he walked away from the room he had locked her in. A tear rolled down his cheek as he thought of whom he had just locked up and why. Cordelia hadn't wanted this but he had taken her life in his hands and killed her. Now, she was a ruthless killing machine locked up like a wild animal and it was his entire fault.
"Let me out or I'll kill you!! I hate you!!!" She looked around the room and picked up a chair. She threw it against the wall, watching the old wood splinter underneath the upholstery. She picked up anything she could get her hands on and began to break everything in that room possible. "You'll regret this!!!" As she picked up an end table, she saw the flashes before her eyes again. "I don't care about your stupid helpless!! Get out of my head!!!"
***
Angel walked into the lobby, still blocking out the vicious rage being released from Cordelia. Faint bangs, screams and shouts were floating in his ears. He noticed Wesley on the phone and had a pretty good idea who he was talking too and why. He patiently waited for the Englishman to get off the phone.
"Willow will be here as soon as possible," Wesley told him flatly and turned his back to Angel. "How are you Fred?" he asked the girl who had run from the room in fear when Angel had brought Cordelia in.
Fred nodded frantically with wide eyes, "She's not here right? She's someplace safe?" she asked hopefully, hating that she was terrified of her own friend.
Wesley nodded. "She's locked upstairs. She can't hurt you anymore." He looked over at Gunn who was sitting silently on the couch. "It'll be over soon," he told the angry young man.
Gunn turned to look at Wesley, ignoring Angel pointedly. "You think givin that a soul's gonna change what she did to Fred? Nuh-uh English, it ain't happenin"
"No, it won't change anything that's happened, but it will keep it from happening again."
"That doesn't really inspire me with confidence English. Cordy has been a vamp for how long? Three days? An look at what she's done, how many people's she's killed,” Gunn argued as he stood up. "Cordy would have never wanted to be like this man, you know it an I know it"
Wesley couldn't help but shoot an accusing glare at Angel. "I agree, I am certain Cordelia would never have wanted this for herself or anyone else. But now we have to do what we can for her, help save her from herself. She's going to need us. We need to be there for her."
"She tried to kill Fred English, I don't know if I can be there for her" Gunn replied helplessly as the angry tone faded away to sadness at the loss of another sister.
"Gunn, this is not her fault, at least not the her that she will be after the spell. She's going to need someone to turn to, and it may be you. Are you going to shut her out if she needs your help?" Wesley knew where Gunn was coming from, but he didn't want the man to totally shut her out. When she was re-ensouled, she may run from Angel, and Gunn and her were like siblings.
"I don't know man" Gunn replied honestly. "Life used to be so easy before y'all came along with your good demons and your bad demons and the Powers That Have Yet Again Screwed Us"
"I know Gunn. This won't be easy for any of us, most of all Cordelia."
***
Angel was sitting pinching the bridge of his nose as he replayed the scene he walked in on the day before at Lilah's office. The demon in him had been exhilarated but his soul had been sickened beyond belief. He knew better than most what a vampire was capable of, but seeing someone he loved doing something so atrocious and laughing about it had twisted the knife deeper into his heart.
"What the hell is going on here?" Buffy yelled out as the group walked through the front door of the hotel. "We get a call saying that Cordy's been vamped and needs a soul? Have you all completely lost it?!"
Angel looked at his ex-girlfriend, "Buffy" he greeted, exhaustion clear in his voice. The vampire stood and walked over to the group from Sunnydale, "Thanks for coming Willow, we really appreciate this" he told her gratefully.
"Well, I guess it's a needed thing. Though I'm not sure this spell was meant to give every vampire in sight a soul." She looked around the room. "Where is she?"
"I had to lock her in a room upstairs at the back of the hotel" Angel's voice cracked a little and his hands bunched up into fists at his sides. The screaming rage had haunted him all night and he hadn't gotten any sleep. Not like that was a surprise these days.
Willow nodded. "It'll take me a little while to get set up. Do you think you should be with her when we do the spell? She's probably going to be pretty scared."
"I don't believe that would be such a good idea" Wesley exited the office. "Hello, glad you all could make it. Cordelia would kill Angel or kill herself trying. She's been rather psychotic through the night," he explained. "It may be best to wait a little while if that is alright with you"
"Of course." Willow nodded and settled herself in the middle of the lobby floor.
Buffy stood, staring at Angel in shock. "I can't believe you did this."
"I thought that's what Cordelia's vision meant Buffy" Angel explained quietly as he lowered his head from her stunned and beyond angry gaze.
"Her vision meant turning her into an evil, soulless, thing?!" She placed her hands on her hips and shook her head. "I've never been Cordy's biggest fan, but Angel!"
Xander stepped forward to back Buffy. "You really screwed up this time."
"I know I screwed up okay?" Angel snapped angrily. "I don't need you telling me what I already know. You didn't see what that vision did to her; you didn't see pieces of glass embedded in her body. It wasn't your arms Cordy almost died in all right! So just stop it, there's nothing either of you can say that could possibly make me feel any worse" he turned away from them and went to hide in the office.
"Little touchy," Xander muttered and put a comforting arm around Buffy.
"Excuse me but it has been a rather difficult time as of late" Wesley courteously told him. "Would any of you like a cup of tea or coffee?"
Buffy shook her head and looked over to Willow. "How long will this take?"
Willow shrugged unsurely, "I'm not sure Buffy, this spell does require a lot of concentration time," she told her with an asking smile which was returned kindly and apologetically.
"Does she know what you're planning?" Xander asked, his heart aching for his ex-girlfriend and what she was about to go through.
Wesley shook his head; "I believe hell would be released on Earth if she knew. She has made a number of kills in the space of three days so I think it fair to warn you. If she somehow escapes and you see her, run like bloody hell"
"Well, isn't that just comforting?" Buffy mumbled and sat down heavily on the couch next to Gunn.
Gunn looked at the blonde girl now sitting next to him, "You're a Slayer huh?" he asked.
"Yup. I'm a Slayer here saving a vampire. Ironic huh?"
"Yup"
Xander looked at the scene before him and shook his head. He never thought they'd be doing this spell on one of their own, much less Cordelia. If he thought he stood a chance, he'd kill Angel for what he'd done.
"Don't even think it dude" Gunn spoke aloud as he seemed to read Xander's mind. "It ain't Angel we got to worry about"
"You can't tell me you haven't thought about it," Xander told Gunn seriously. "He did this to her and you're not even thinking about it?"
"I have thought about" Gunn replied, still without looking at Xander. "An I also know that it won't do any good because it can't make a difference. Barbie's been turned and that's that"
"Well, I'm still thinking about it," Xander muttered and sat on the couch next to Buffy.
"Yeah well, don't" Gunn told him as he concentrated on the axe he had been continuously carrying for the past three days.
"Name's Xander" Xander held his hand across past Buffy to Gunn. "And you are..."
"Gunn."
"That's a cool name, or is short for Gunter?"
Gunn looked at him then with a disgusted glare, "Charles Gunn, two 'N's'"
"I-I'm Fred." She stood away from the group, still shaken from the events.
Gunn immediately got up and went to stand next to his girl. "Y'ok?" he asked in a gentle voice as he tenderly held her shoulders.
"Hi Fred" Buffy greeted the pale girl and silently noticed a bandage on her neck and got a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach.
"Y'all are gonna help Cordy right?" she asked after nodding to Gunn, telling him she was relatively okay.
"Will's gonna do what she can," Buffy tried to reassure Fred.
"Maybe I should go talk to him..." she continued, motioning to the office door, glancing at Wesley questioningly. She really didn't know what to say, but she didn't want to leave it at her bitching him out.
Wesley looked at Buffy, "As long as you don't remotely push his buttons. We've all said our piece about this palaver. Angel doesn't need anymore grief right now"
"I'll keep my opinions to myself," she told him and knocked lightly on the door before walking in. "Angel?"
"What do you want?" Angel asked Buffy could hear the stress, tiredness and sadness in his voice through the door.
"Just to talk." She walked in and sat in a chair across the desk from him. "I'm sorry for going off on you like that. It wasn't right. You've been through enough already."
"I don't want to be pitied Buffy," Angel replied as he rubbed his face with both hands. Images of yesterday still whirling through his mind. Images of the head-in-the-box whirling in his head even more now that he was faced with whom the girl had resembled and a chill went through him.
"I'm not trying to pity you Angel. I'm trying to apologize for my behaviour. I'll leave you alone if you want, but I just wanted to apologize. If you need to talk, I'll be here." She stood and made her way to the door."
Angel sighed, "I didn't mean for any of this to happen Buffy, really I didn't." His voice sounded so childlike and so lost, "I really thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was saving her"
She turned and smiled sadly at him. "I know you didn't Angel. I know you'd never wish this on anyone, and as angry as I am about it, it's not your fault either. You thought you were doing what you were suppose to." She walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. "At least she'll have you to turn to. She won't be alone."
"I know she won't be alone Buffy" Angel told her seriously, "Because this time I'm going to look after her properly. I promised Cordy and I'm going to stick by one promise in my life"
"She's lucky to have you," Buffy smiled sadly again, feeling the pull at her heart. "I should go see if Willow needs anything." She gave Angel a quick hug before walking back into the lobby.
Buffy walked to where Willow was meditating, wondering if she should interrupt. The Slayer opened her mouth when Willow's voice made her jump out of her skin. "What?" the red head asked with a smile.
"How's it going?" she asked with a little giggle.
Willow looked up at Buffy with a worried look, "I can only perform the spell in the same room as Cordy,” she told her friend.
"Why? You did the one for Angel from the hospital."
Willow bit her bottom lip before answering, "I've taken out the happiness clause Buffy, so it's not the same spell"
"Oh." Buffy answered shortly. 'Why hadn't anyone done that with Angel's spell,' she thought to herself. "I'll tell Angel. We may need him there to keep her contained."
Willow nodded in affirmation as she went back to meditating.
Angel looked up as Buffy re-entered his office, "Back so soon?" he asked gruffly as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
"We have a problem." She didn't feel like going into details, so she kept it short. "Willow needs to be in the room with Cordy."
Angel shook his head adamantly, "No way is she going to be in the same room as Cordy Buffy" the first thing he thought of was Willow's sexuality and what happened with Lilah. "I can't allow, it's too dangerous for Willow and you"
"Do you want this spell done or not? Willow says she needs to be in there in order to perform the spell."
"There is still no way am I letting any woman near Cordelia and especially not Willow" Angel told her, hoping she would pick up the subtext he was laying down.
"Angel, it's not an option anymore. You'll just have to keep her contained somehow," she told him and turned around. "I think Willow's ready, so whenever you are." She walked out of the office quickly.
Guess she didn't Angel thought as he dragged his body out of his chair and trudged after Buffy into the lobby. Purposely ignoring the hate-filled glares from Xander and Gunn's more thoughtful expression. He didn't need that right now, he needed someone to hold on to. But that someone was the reason he needed someone.
"We ready Will?" Buffy asked.
Willow looked at Buffy and Angel gravely; she nodded breathlessly. "I'm ready, let's go shall we?" fear on her face and uncertainty in her eyes as she followed Angel, Gunn and Wesley with Xander behind her.
Cordelia heard them approach the door and she stopped dead in her tracks. She had managed to break everything possible in the room, but he never came to open the door and the visions never stopped. She stood in the middle of the room, waiting for him to open the door. She could hear the heartbeats and smell the blood. She was so hungry.
Angel stopped them all, "Buffy, you Gunn and I will go and restrain her. Willow, you come in with Xander and Wesley, do the spell as quick as you can then get the hell out. Understand?"
They all nodded and looked at the door nervously. It hadn't gone unnoticed to any of them that the banging had stopped when they approached the room. She knew they were there.
She was waiting for them.
Continue on...