Title: Sleep to Dream
Author: Tonya
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Yes, I do own everything in relation to AtS… no, wait, that’s not me…dammit!
Feedback: Do you want to see me beg because I will!
Summary: Cordy watches Angel sleep. (Cordy POV)
“Hey, Angel,” I call out as I walk into the hotel lobby, still reading from the research book I’ve been flipping through for the past hour. “I think I finally found a lead on how to kill that Chresno demon…”
My words freeze on my lips as I finally look up from my book and at Angel. Sitting with a large tome open in his lap, Angel has fallen asleep in his chair. With his head resting in his hand and his eyes gently shut, he looks quite peaceful.
I can’t help but smile as I watch him. We have had a rough couple of nights, frantically researching on a demon that has been terrorizing the city lately. Hell, even I haven’t slept in the past twenty hours.
I glance around the lobby quickly, making sure none of the others are watching me as I sit down across from Angel. My smile only grows as I watch him, study him. To be quite honest, I’ve never had this experience—being able to see Angel sleep. Normally, our internal clocks are set at completely different times, but with the late nights we’ve been working lately, I’ve slowly become the perpetual night owl.
It’s weird. Asleep, he seems so at peace. But, then again, I guess we all do when we’ve drifted into a dream-state, when our minds have been freed of the truths of reality. It’s so weird. Angel has created this whole superhero mystique around himself, but right now as I watch him, he looks so vulnerable, so human.
Watching him like this—so peaceful, so innocent—it’s not hard to forget his true nature. To forget that he is not a man, even though he has the same instincts and needs as one.
Sometimes, I do forget. I never used to. Back in Sunnydale, I only knew Angel as Buffy’s vampire boyfriend. The boyfriend who went completely postal and tried to kill us all and unleash hell on earth. When I thought of Angel, I thought of the demon. It was a connection that my mind couldn’t let go of. Until my new existence in LA…
When I ran into Angel at that party that night, I still only thought of him as the vampire with a soul. The good guy with the perpetual darkside. It wasn’t until he saved my life and embraced me into his life and journey of redemption that I finally saw Angel as Angel.
As Angel shifts in his chair, mumbling something under his breath, I find myself holding my own breath in anticipation of him waking and finding me staring at him like some lunatic. When he settles back into silence, his eyes never opening, I silently scold myself for my behavior. I don’t know why I’m so paranoid about him waking and seeing me here. It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong. I’m not really invading his privacy. I mean, hell, he’s probably watched me sleep numerous times, and I’m sure he’s not all jumpy about it. So if he can be all stalker-like and watch me when I’m not aware of it, why can’t I?
Angel shifts his weight in the chair again, and I begin to wonder if he’s dreaming. Do vampires even dream? I’m sure they’re not your typical falling-from-a-cliff, showing-up-for-a-meeting-naked dreams. There’s probably blood involved somewhere. With vamps, it’s almost a given—vampires equal rivers of blood.
If he has dark dreams, does he have even darker nightmares? Or would his nightmares just involve situations where he’s in a world made of wooden stakes or the sun never sets. I wonder if he ever has nightmares about his past. Nightmares about things he has done, about things Angelus has done.
Angelus is not Angel. I’ve learned that over my few years with him in LA. I owe everything I have now to Angel. Angel is the one who gave me a job, even though my typing and filing skills left much to be desired in the beginning. Angel is the one who saved my life on numerous occasions. Angel is the one who has given my life new direction, new meaning. Angel is far from being Angelus, far from the demon that I once perceived him to be.
I don’t view Angel as the demon, but I do try to remember that it is hiding underneath that handsome façade of the champion for good. I love Angel dearly. I love him with everything in my being, but I still fear the demon. My greatest fear is that one day I will lose Angel, that Angelus will take over to terrorize us all. I’ve been bracing myself for that day since Sunnydale, but things have changed now.
Back then, I used to wonder what the hell was wrong with Buffy. Why, when given every opportunity, she couldn’t just kill Angelus and get it over with. I thought she was being a self-centered brat, but now… Now, I can sympathize with her. I can understand her actions.
Angel may not be my “soulmate”, but he is my friend, my family. Possibly even the love I’ve been looking for. I know now why Buffy cherished him the way she did, why she loved him the way she did. I understand. I would like to think that if I were ever in her position that I would be able to do the same. That when the final judgment arrived, I would be able to close my eyes and sacrifice his life for the sake of all humanity. But I’m not that strong. Maybe I’m the self-centered brat. Because given the choice between eternal hell with Angel or life without him, I would take the hellfire and brimstone. For Angel I would…
Angel shifts his weight again, and this time I don’t hold my breath. I’m not paranoid anymore. Let him wake up and find me sitting here. That’s completely fine by me. I’m content sitting here and studying him. I could spend the rest of the night just sitting here, watching him dream and be at peace.
“Are you going to sit there much longer? My hand is starting to fall asleep,” Angel mumbles to me, his eyes never opening and a slight grin forming at the corners of his mouth.
Surprised, I jump to my feet quickly, almost dropping my book in the process.
“But… but you were asleep,” I stammer, finding myself embarrassed even when I said I wouldn’t be. “I thought you were asleep.”
“I’m a light sleeper,” he replies, finally opening his eyes.
“How long have you been awake?” I ask, holding my book tightly to my chest.
Angel smiles, his brown eyes twinkling deviously. “Ever since you sat down.”
“What?!” I ask, finding myself getting flustered again. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“Because you seemed to be so intrigued by watching me. Who am I to interrupt?”
“I wasn’t watching you. I was just daydreaming, and I just happened to be looking in your direction.”
Angel simply nods in response, his smile never fading.
“Okay, fine,” I finally admit. “I was watching you, but how many times have you watched me sleep? I say we’re even now.”
Angel stands, his book under one arm while he stretches the other. “Do you see me complaining?” he replies.
I smirk at him in response as I ask, “Can we get back to work now, or do you want to tease me a little bit longer?”
“Can’t I do both?” he says as he walks by me, gently pulling on my short ponytail as he passes. He grins at me as I playfully swat at him with my book.
Yeah, I would definitely take hellfire and brimstone any day.