Title: Always Need You
Author: RMacAU11
Email: RMacAU11@aol.com
Rating: PG-13
Category: (Angst, post-ep etc) Angst
Content: (Pairing) Angel/Cordelia
Summary: Angel and Cordy's friendship grows through various struggles.
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss
Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Anywhere, just please let me know.
Notes: This takes place sometime before Birthday, but after Lullaby.
Feedback: Oh, absolutely.
Chapter 1
Cordelia Chase walked into Angel Investigations with a smile on her face. She didn’t know why, but she was incredibly happy.
She hummed a little tune as she picked up a stack of files off her desk. She filed them cheerfully before returning to her desk and booting up her computer.
“What’s got you so happy?”
Cordelia didn’t even jump at the sudden voice behind her. “Can’t a girl be in a good mood?”
Angel nodded. “A girl, yes. You, I’m not so sure.”
She made a face at him. “Since when did you develop a sense of humor?”
“Since you’ve been in a good mood.”
“Another one! And you say I’m in a good mood.”
“Seriously, though. You seem really happy.”
Cordelia shrugged. “I am.”
“Did you get a call back or something?”
She made another face. “I don’t think so. I don’t know why I’m so happy. I just am.”
“Well, I’m glad. You deserve a break.”
“A break from what?” Fred asked, coming into the room.
“A break from being miserable,” Cordy chirped.
Fred nodded. “We could all use a break from that.”
Angel nodded his consent. “Maybe we should go out to dinner tonight.”
Cordelia eyed him suspiciously. “And what’s got you in such a good mood?”
He shrugged. “Don’t know. Life’s pretty good right now. I’m happy, Connor’s happy. Life’s just good.”
“You mean the unlife,” Cordy quipped. “And don’t get too happy. I wouldn’t want to have to stake you. That would surely ruin my good mood.”
Angel smiled. “Wouldn’t want to do that.”
Cordelia rolled her eyes and turned back to her computer. “I think I like you better when you’re broody.”
Angel was about to say something when Connor cried. As he held his son and talked to him soothingly, Cordelia watched them. She loved Connor to pieces, but sometimes the ache for a baby of her own was unbearable. Other times, however, she knew that she couldn’t handle a baby, not the way Angel could. Not alone.
She shook her head, clearing away all baby thoughts. No need to ruin a rare good mood. She started entering information into the computer, vaguely aware of Angel taking Connor into the other room to play with Fred. She heard Wesley mumbling in his office and Gunn talking about training. She tuned them out, however, and let her mind drift.
She wasn’t sure how long she’d been working when the phone on her desk rang.
She picked it up. “Angel Investigations. We help the hopeless.”
“Delia? Is that you?”
“Mom?”
“I’m so glad I caught you. I tried your apartment, but you weren’t there.”
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s Daddy. He had a heart attack last night. He died.”
“Oh my God. What-oh my God.”
“We’re having a service tomorrow evening. I wanted to have it in the morning, but his associates didn’t want to miss work.”
“Oh my God.”
“Delia, please. Anyway, the service is tomorrow at seven. If you want to come to the house, we can ride together. If not, I’ll give you directions.”
“I’ll come to the house.”
“OK. See you later, dear.”
After she hung up the phone Cordelia sat quietly, staring at the wall. Tears gathered in her eyes.
Wesley cleared his throat behind her. “Cordelia? Are you alright?”
She nodded her head, unable to talk. Tears spilled onto her cheeks.
Angel put his hands on her shoulders. “Cordy, let us help you,” he said in a low voice.
She sniffled. “That was my mom. My father died last night.” Saying it out loud made it real, and she started crying.
Angel leaned forward, wrapping his arms around her from behind. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. She cried harder. She felt Fred place Connor in her lap and wrap her arms around Cordelia as well. Wes and Gunn each placed a hand on her shoulder.
After a few minutes she laughed and pushed her hair away from her face. “Look at me. I’m a mess. You’d think my father and I were close or something.”
Angel watched as she played with Connor’s hair. “He’s still your father, Cordy.”
“But we weren’t close. At all. His idea of bonding was giving me a credit card. Not that I was much better,” she said bitterly.
“That was a long time ago,” Wesley said. “You’re a different person now.”
Cordelia shook her head. “Apparently not. All I can think is how much I don’t want to go back to that place. That town, those people. I’m so horrible.”
Angel shook his head. “Cordy, you are not a horrible person,” he said firmly. “You were miserable in Sunnydale. Of course you wouldn’t want to go back there.”
“But I have to. I told my mom that I would.” She closed her eyes and tears spilled onto her cheeks.
Angel took her hand in his. “How about I go with you?”
“What?”
“I’ll go with you. Maybe it’ll be a little easier that way.”
“But what about Connor?”
“We’ll bring him with us. He’s never been on a road trip before.”
“And we’ll take care of everything here,” Fred said, pointing to herself, Wes, and Gunn. “Don’t worry about anything here.”
Cordelia looked at Angel. “You don’t have to do this,” she said in a low voice. “Sunnydale wasn’t too good to you either.”
“Cordy, your father just died. You shouldn’t have to face that all alone.”
“I just want to make sure that you’re sure-“
“I’m positive. When do we have to leave?”
“The service is tomorrow night, so to be safe, we should probably leave this evening.”
Angel nodded. “We’ll be ready. You should go home and pack. Get some rest. I’ll call you later.”
Cordelia nodded. “Yeah, I think I will. I’m drained.”
Gunn stood up. “I’ll walk you home.”
Cordelia started to protest, but stopped when she saw the looks on all three men’s faces. “OK, thanks.”
Chapter 2
At six o’clock that evening, minutes after the sun had gone down, Cordelia’s phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hey.” It was Angel. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah, all packed and ready to go.”
“Alright. Connor and I will be right over.”
“OK, bye.” Cordelia hung up the phone and looked around the room. She had a carry-on bag full of makeup and other bathroom stuff on the floor. A suitcase with clothes sat on the bed. She picked up the suitcase, slung the bag over her shoulder, and went downstairs to wait for Angel.
He knocked on her door five minutes later. She opened the door and took Connor from him. He grabbed her bags and put them in the trunk while she buckled Connor into his seat. She climbed into the passenger seat as Angel slid behind the wheel.
They were silent for a long time. Cordelia switched through the radio stations before settling on an alternative station. The slow melody of Chris Gaines’ ‘Lost In You’ filled the car.
Angel cleared his throat. “So, um, where exactly am I taking you?”
“Oh. Sorry. My mom’s house. 115 Vine. It’s off the main road.”
“OK. Sounds good. Is that, uh, where Connor and I are staying too?”
“Yeah. If you want, I mean. There’s plenty of room. At least that’s what she said.”
“OK.”
They were silent again for a long time. Every so often Cordelia would sigh.
Finally Angel looked at her. “Are you alright?”
“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Coming back to Sunnydale, I mean. I don’t exactly have a lot of friends there.”
“What about Willow? She was always nice to you.”
“Yeah, she was so nice to me that she made out with my boyfriend.” Cordelia sighed again. “I’m really not still bitter about that.”
“Sounds like it.”
Cordelia smacked him in the arm. “All I’m saying is Willow and I don’t have the best history. Xander and I were never friends. Anya used my pain to change the world. Spike bit me. I don’t even know Dawn. And we all know how I feel about Buffy.”
“OK, so you didn’t exactly get along with the Scooby Gang. But what about Harmony and your other friends?”
“Harmony the vampire? The girls who all left Sunnydale for preppy colleges? Come on, Angel, get real.”
Angel shook his head. “OK, well, what about your mom? Aren’t you glad to be seeing her again?”
Cordelia sighed, leaning her head back against the seat and closing her eyes. “Angel, my mom and I weren’t close. Ever. Between her endless social engagements and the fights with my dad, she just didn't have time for me.”
“You have to have some good family memories.”
“Oh, sure. Vacations were a blast. Skiing in Aspen, scuba diving in the Bahamas. But we weren’t a family there. I did those things by myself. The only time we spent as a family was the plane ride there and back.”
“That’s really sad.”
Cordelia nodded. “I know. Promise me you’ll never do that with Connor. Promise me you’ll always put him first and always tell him what he means to you.”
Angel nodded. “You know I will.”
They lapsed into silence again and the next time Angel looked at her, she was gazing adoringly at Connor.
“He really loves you,” Angel said.
“I love him too.” Her voice had a different quality to it, almost a sad one.
“We wouldn’t be able to do this without you, Cordy. I wouldn’t.”
Cordelia chuckled. “Yes you would.”
Angel thought for a moment. “Maybe we could. But I wouldn’t want to. He needs you, Cordy. You’re like the mother he’ll never have.”
“I know,” she said. “I know.”
Angel turned the car onto Vine Street and Cordelia pointed out the house to him. He pulled in the driveway behind several other cars.
“We can just leave the bags for now,” Cordelia said. “Should I get Connor?”
“No, I’ll get him,” Angel said. “You go ahead.”
Cordelia walked up the front path and into the front door. “Come in, Angel,” she called over her shoulder. Angel came in behind her, Connor sleeping on his shoulder. She heard voices and followed them into the living room. Her mother was sitting on the couch. Sitting in various chairs around the room were Buffy, Spike, and Dawn.
Cordelia stopped short in the doorway. She hadn’t expected this.
Her mother looked up. “Delia! You came!”
Cordelia bit her lip. “I told you I would, Mom.”
“Yes, yes you did. Come in, dear, and sit down. Oh! You brought a friend.”
Cordelia glanced at Buffy, whose gaze was riveted on Angel. Spike was glaring at him, while Dawn was watching Connor. “Uh, yeah. Mom, this is Angel.”
“Angel? As in your boss Angel?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh. How nice.”
Cordelia bit back a sigh. She knew what her mother meant. It wasn’t nice, it was strange.
Angel cleared his throat. “Maybe I should go get the bags.”
Cordelia nodded and took Connor from him. “Mom, where should we put them?”
“Oh! The guest room is the first one on the right, top of the stairs.”
Angel nodded and went outside. Dawn nudged Spike. “He probably needs help.”
“So?”
Dawn glared at him. “Spike!”
Spike sighed dramatically. “Oh, alright, Nibblet. I’ll go help him.”
“Be nice!” she called after him.
Cordelia turned to Buffy, who was watching her, no expression on her face. “What are you guys doing here?”
It was Dawn who answered. “We didn’t think your mom should be alone.” She laughed as Angel and Spike walked past, Angel carrying everything except Cordelia’s carry-on bag.
Cordelia shook her head. “Those two will fight until the day they die.”
“Probably,” Buffy said. “So. You and Angel sleep in the same room?”
“What’s up with you and Spike?” Cordelia shot back.
Victoria Chase looked confused. “What are you two talking about?”
“What are you talking about?” Spike said, following Angel down the stairs.
“Cordelia and Angel,” Buffy bit out.
“Buffy and Spike,” Cordelia ground out.
Angel and Spike looked at each other uneasily. Finally Dawn spoke up. “Uh, probably not the best topic of discussion, guys.”
Victoria spoke as Connor began to cry. “I’m not quite sure I understand.”
Cordelia sighed. “I’ll explain tomorrow, Mom. Right now I think Connor’s ready for bed.”
Her mother nodded reluctantly. “Alright, dear. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Cordelia and Angel said goodnight and took Connor upstairs. Cordelia nudged the bedroom door open with her foot and stepped inside.
The room was large. The walls were painted a light purple. The drapes were white and lacy. A king-sized bed was pushed against the wall. On the opposite wall was a cherry dresser with a TV on top. Beside the bed was a matching cherry nightstand. There was an antique lamp and an alarm clock on the top. There was a large closet across from the bed. Angel had set the luggage in front of the closet and had set Connor’s playpen up beside the bed.
Cordelia laid Connor down on the bed and popped a pacifier in his mouth while Angel pulled out Connor’s pajamas. Angel changed Connor and put him in the playpen while Cordelia unpacked her clothes.
After a few minutes of silence angel perched on the bed and watched Cordelia. She methodically took a black dress out of her bag and reached for a hanger. Instead of hanging the dress in the closet, however, she held it in her hands and stared at it for a long time.
Angel cleared his throat softly. “Are you alright?”
She chuckled. “Yeah. It’s just weird. Everything’s changing. Daddy’s gone, this is a different house than I’m used to, Dawn, Buffy and Spike…”
“What about Buffy and Spike?”
“Well, Dawn’s a little too young for him, don’t you think? Think about it, Angel.”
“Buffy and Spike…together?” He made a face when she didn’t reject his theory. “That’s so like him.”
Cordelia nodded. “Yeah, OK.”
Angel was quiet a few minutes. “Do you think they’ve…you know?”
Cordelia shrugged. “I don’t know, Angel,” she said tiredly. She climbed onto the bed beside him. “I just don’t know.”
Angel opened his mouth to say something but stopped when she stretched out. He groaned. “I’m sorry, Cordy. This is really hard for you and I’m going on about myself.”
She leaned back against the pillows and closed her eyes. “It’s fine. I know it has to be shocking for you.”
“Not the point,” Angel said. “Can I get you anything?”
“Sleep,” she said. “Just sleep.”
Angel nodded. “Then sleep. I’ll be here.”
Chapter 3
Cordelia awoke the next morning to a sharp pan in her skull. She reached her hand up and heard a giggle.
“Connor!” Angel said. “Don’t pull Cordy’s hair!”
Cordelia opened her eyes and was met with the sight of a smiling Connor. She reached out and gave his hair a light tug. He giggled again. “How do you like it, buddy?”
Angel leaned over and scooped him up. “I’m so sorry. He screamed until I put him on the bed.”
Cordelia yawned and stretched. “No problem. I should probably be getting up soon anyway.”
“Your mom’s not up yet,” Angel said.
“How do you know?”
“Her heartbeat. It slows in sleep. Plus her room is right down the hall.”
“Oh. And here I was thinking you were almost as cool as Superman with his X-ray vision.”
Angel chuckled. “No, I’m not that good.”
Cordelia yawned again before climbing out of bed. “Let me shower and change and then we can head downstairs. You must be hungry.”
Angel shrugged. “I’ll live.”
“Or un-live,” Cordelia said over her shoulder as she headed down the hall to the bathroom.
> > > > > >
An hour later Cordelia emerged from the bathroom, showered and wearing jeans and a plain white T-shirt. Angel and Connor both looked up as she entered the room.
“OK,” she said. “All done.” Her hair was dry and swept back in a ponytail. Her face had just a hint of makeup and she smelled like lilacs.
“Your mom’s starting to stir,” Angel said.
“Well, I’m going to see about getting you some blood. I should be back before she gets up.”
Angel picked up Connor and followed her downstairs. “Cordy, that’s really not necessary. I’m fine.”
Cordelia opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted by a knock on the front door. She crossed the room and pulled the door open.
Dawn stood there holding a brown paper bag. She held it out. “It’s blood. For Angel. I thought he might get hungry.”
Cordelia invited the girl in. “Dawn, that’s so nice.”
“Yeah, well, Spike won’t think so. I took it from his stash.”
Angel glanced at it. “Are you sure it’s alright to drink?”
“Spike may do a lot of stupid stuff, but even he wouldn’t poison his own stash,” Dawn said.
Angel glanced at the blood again before nodding. “Thanks, Dawn.”
“Do you want to stay for awhile?” Cordelia asked. “I’m sure there’s coffee I can make or something.”
Angel checked the fridge, careful to avoid the sunlight coming in through the window over the sink. “There’s plenty of eggs,” he said. “I can make omelets.”
“Ding ding ding!” Cordelia said. “We have a winner!”
Angel handed Cordelia a bottle out of the fridge. “You feed Connor and I’ll make breakfast.”
Cordelia noticed Dawn eyeing the little boy. “Do you have much experience with kids?”
Dawn shook her head. “Not really.”
Cordelia sat down on the couch and Dawn sat beside her. “Do you want to feed him? It’s not hard.”
Dawn hesitated. “Uh, sure.” Cordelia situated Connor in the young girl’s arms before handing her the bottle.
“All you have to do is hold the bottle. Just make sure you hold it at an angle so he isn’t sucking air.”
Dawn fed him for several minutes before she laughed in delight. “Look! He’s grabbing the bottle!”
Cordelia smiled. “That’s his way of saying ‘keep it coming’.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes before Dawn spoke again. “You make a really great mom. Buffy never thought you would, but you do.”
“You mean surrogate mom.”
“No, I mean mom mom. Aren’t you Connor’s mom?”
“Connor’s mom? Are you crazy? How could I be Connor’s mom?”
Dawn shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, you and Angel came here together with a baby, and you seem like a natural with him…”
“Oh my God,” Cordelia said. “Everyone thinks this? Oh my God.”
“You’re not Connor’s mom?”
“No! Hello, the kid’s blonde!”
Dawn looked horrified. “Oh! I’m so sorry!”
“It’s fine, it’s fine.”
“OK, so if you’re not Connor’s mom, who is?”
“Darla. She and Angel were together when he went all evil and she got pregnant.”
“Oh.”
“Does everybody think this?”
“Not everybody. Just me, Buffy, and Spike.”
“Oh my God. No wonder she looked like she wanted to slay me last night.”
“She’ll be OK when I tell her the truth.”
Cordelia shook her head as her mother descended the stairs. “What is that smell? Is somebody cooking?”
“Morning, Mom. Angel’s making omelets.”
“Oh. I don’t have time for breakfast. There are some last minute details I have to take care of.”
“Do you need any help?”
“Oh, thank you, dear, but I can handle these things. I have to learn to do things myself now. I’ll see you later this afternoon, dear.” She grabbed her purse and left.
Dawn looked at Cordelia, who shrugged. “Maybe she’s not hungry.”
Dawn furrowed her brow. “Actually, I don’t think she’s cried yet.”
Cordelia smiled softly. “It’s a lovely thing, denial. It’ll hit her eventually.”
“And you too,” Angel said, setting the omelets on the dining room table.
Cordelia sighed and took Connor from Dawn, putting him on her shoulder to burp him. “It’s hit me, Angel. I’m just still numb.”
Dawn took Connor’s bottle to the kitchen and rinsed it out. “It’s the same thing. When my mom died, I cried all the time. But I didn’t really understand that she wasn’t coming back until we buried her.”
“That’s not something I’m looking forward to.”
“I know this is cliché, but it does get better,” Dawn said. “Every day you hurt, but each day it hurts a little less.”
Cordelia shrugged. “I’m partial to the numbness.” She pulled three glasses out of the cabinet and filled them with milk while Angel pulled Connor’s high chair to the table. The little boy giggled and slapped the table with his palms. Dawn sat down across the table and began making faces at him.
Cordelia came up to Angel and nudged him with her shoulder. “You know, for a little boy whose father can’t ever be truly happy, he is the image of bliss.”
Angel smiled. “I know. That’s good, right?”
She leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek. “That’s good.”
> > > > > >
Shortly after five that evening Victoria Chase came back. She was sporting a new hairdo and a fresh manicure.
She stood in the living room and clapped her hands. “Is everybody ready?”
Cordelia raised her eyebrows slightly. “Mom, we have a little bit of time.”
“Oh, I know, dear. I’m just anxious to get this over with.”
“We all are, Mom. We all are.”
Victoria walked around the living room, picking up various things. “I do have to be there early, though. Last minute preparations and all.”
Cordelia nodded. “OK, Mom. We’ll go early. Is six o’clock early enough?”
Victoria nodded. “Yes, dear, six is fine.”
Cordelia nodded again. “OK. I’ll let Angel know.”
Angel, as it turned out, had heard the entire conversation, thanks to his vampire hearing. He gave her a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, Connor and I will be ready.”
Cordelia nodded and disappeared upstairs. Angel went upstairs about ten minutes later to get Connor ready, but she wasn’t in the bedroom. He found her in the bathroom, staring at her reflection in the mirror, mascara brush in her shaking hand.
Angel watched silently for several minutes as she tried to steady her hands long enough apply her makeup. Finally Angel walked up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. She stopped what she was doing and leaned into his touch.
They stayed like that forever; at least that’s what it felt like. Finally Cordelia broke the silence. “I don’t want to go,” she whispered.
He rested his chin on top of her head. “I know.”
“Why do we have to go? I don’t want to go.”
“You don’t have to go, Cordy. Everyone will understand if you don’t.”
Cordelia shook her head, pulling away. “No. I told my mom that I would go with her. I have to go.”
Angel tried to soothe her nerves. “It’ll all be over in a few hours. The you can start healing and move on with your life.”
Cordelia took a deep breath and picked up her mascara again. “A few more hours,” she repeated.
Angel gave her a small smile and left her to get ready in peace.
She came downstairs a few minutes later. Angel was sitting on the couch, Connor on his lap, trying to make akward small talk with Victoria. He looked up and offered her a small smile. She laughed inwardly. Finally Angel, dressed all in black, would fit in.
She herself was wearing a modest black dress and flat black shoes. She wore a simple gold chain around her neck and very little makeup.
Victoria, ever the fashion icon, was dressed to the nines. Her black dress was tight and molded itself to her body. She wore a flashy diamond ring on her right hand. On her head was a large, stylish black hat. A thin black gauze veil came down tot he bridge of her nose.
Victoria smiled at her daughter. “Are you ready to go, dear?”
Cordelia hesitated and looked at Angel, who gave her a small smile. She took a deep breath. “I’m ready.”
Chapter 4
The church was large and ominous looking. Cordelia swallowed the lump in her throat and followed her mother into the church.
The inside of the church wasn’t much better that the outside. It was large and dark, shadows lingering everywhere. The building was cold and Cordelia wished she’d kept her coat on.
A short man in a suit came out of a room off of the main lobby. “Mrs. Chase, how are you today?”
Victoria grasped his outstretched hands. “Oh, Martin, I’m glad you’re here. This has been so difficult.” Victoria turned toward Cordelia. “This is my daughter, Cordelia, and her…friend Angel.”
Martin turned to Cordelia and extended his hand. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
Cordelia nodded, unable to speak. She was grateful for the reassuring hand Angel placed on her shoulder.
Victoria looked at Cordelia. “Dear, this is Martin Brown. He’s handling most of the arrangements for the service. If you’ll excuse us, we have some last minute details to take care of.” She disappeared into a side room with Martin.
Cordelia sighed and walked around the lobby, looking at various pictures on the wall. She smiled slightly when she heard Connor squeal. She turned around and gazed affectionately at him. He laughed and held his arms out to her. She took him from Angel and held him close. He immediately grabbed a fistful of her hair.
Angel laughed and gently disengaged his son’s fingers. “He hasn’t learned yet.”
“That’s alright. It doesn’t hurt.” She winced as Connor grabbed another handful of hair. “Not too much.”
Angel turned when voices outside the door caught his attention. Moments later the door opened. Buffy stepped in first, followed by Dawn and Spike. Willow, Xander, and Anya came in after them. They stood awkwardly in the doorway, off-guard at seeing Angel and Cordelia standing so intimately.
Finally Dawn cleared her throat. “Hey,” she said softly. She walked over to Cordelia and gave her a hug. “How are you holding up?” she whispered in Cordelia’s ear. Cordelia squeezed her gently, unable to speak.
Dawn stepped back and tousled Connor’s hair. “Hey, buddy.”
Buffy cleared her throat. “Cordelia, I wanted to apologize for the way I acted the other night. I made an assumption and I shouldn’t have.”
Cordelia gave her a small smile. “Thanks.”
Willow stepped forward and gave her a tentative smile. “We’re really sorry for your loss.”
Cordelia felt the muscles in her throat tighten and she swallowed hard. “Um, thanks.” She turned and handed Connor to his father. “I’m going to go look for my mom.”
Cordelia turned and walked away, avoiding the looks of the others. She wandered into one of the side rooms, glancing around for her mother. She stopped short when she saw the open casket in the front of the room.
Her breath hitched in her chest. From her place in the back of the room she couldn’t see the person in the casket, but she could just imagine her father lying there.
She took a tentative step forward, her breathing labored. Before she even realized it she was mere steps away from the casket. She drew in a ragged breath and forced her head up.
There laid her father. He was pale, more pale than she’d ever seen anyone, and she knew a lot of vampires. His face looked strange, pulled tight to the point that it looked like rubber.
She took a step back as a sob caught in her throat. She took another step back and ran into something hard. She opened her mouth to scream, but the only sound was a small yelp. A pair of hands turned her around and she found herself staring into deep brown eyes. The sob she had been holding in bubbled to the surface and she soon found herself pressed against Xander’s chest.
He held her for several minutes before ushering her to the nearest chair. She clung to him for several more minutes before pulling away and dabbing her eyes.
“I don’t even know why I bothered to put on mascara,” she said wryly. “It’s probably all over my face now.”
Xander used his thumb to wipe away the mascara smudges. “There we go. Problem solved.”
“It’s not that simple.”
He gazed at her with sympathy in his eyes before he sighed. “I know.”
They sat in silence for a few more minutes before people began filing into the room. Victoria came first, followed by a myriad of men in suits. Angel and the Scooby Gang followed them in.
Cordelia and Xander stood as Victoria approached them. “It’s time, dear," she said, leading her daughter to the front row. Cordelia’s breath caught in her throat and she looked around in panic.
Angel was by her side in an instant and she grasped his hand gratefully. As they walked through the rows of people she was vaguely aware of Dawn sitting between Buffy and Spike, Connor perched on her lap with his pacifier.
When they reached the front row Cordelia sat towards the middle, with Angel and her mother sitting on either side of her. She stared at the floor, tuning out hushed conversations throughout the room.
She looked up as the doors shut and the priest entered. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest. Angel squeezed her hand and she realized that she’d yet to let it go.
The priest huddled in the back with Martin, giving family and friends a few moments before the service. The soft sounds of “Amazing Grace” filled the room. Cordelia closed her eyes. Almost over.
As the song ended, the priest walked up to a small podium. It was in the front of the room but off to one side, so as not to disturb anyone’s view of the casket.
He cleared his throat softly. “Good evening. Tonight we are here to bid a last goodbye to Richard Michael Chase. Richard was a loving husband and a loving father.”
Cordelia heard someone sobbing, then realized it was her. Angel pulled tissues out of his pocket and handed them to her. After a moment he pulled her to him, one arm around her shoulder, the other gently stroking her hair.
The rest of the service was a blur for Cordelia. She stayed huddled against Angel, tears still falling, until her mother pulled her up. She followed her mother to the casket, keeping hold of Angel the whole time.
As Cordelia gazed at her father for the last time, she broke again. Angel led her outside and held her as she slumped to the floor sobbing.
She wasn’t sure how long they stayed that way, but she became aware of stirring inside the parlor. Angel helped her up and they joined Victoria just inside the door.
The people in the front rows had begun the procession past the body. They greeted the family on the way out the door. The men in suits all nodded solemnly at Cordelia. When the Scooby Gang came through they all hugged her except for Spike, who squeezed her arm gently. As hard as she tried to keep them at bay, the tears came again.
> > > > > >
The ride back to the house was silent. Victoria had stayed behind to meet with the priest and she’d insisted that Cordelia go back to the house for the reception. Cordelia leaned her head back against the seat, spent from crying. She had finally managed to compose herself when they left the church.
Angel pulled the car into the driveway but neither made a move to get out. Finally Cordelia sighed. “Let’s go.”
The house was already lit with several lamps, courtesy of Victoria’s friends who’d brought the food over when they were at the church. Cordelia and Angel silently began pulling food out of the refrigerator, uncovering it, and setting it out on the table.
The businessmen arrived first. While Cordelia was tending to them, the Scooby Gang arrived. Angel joined them in the kitchen. “Thanks for taking Connor during the service,” he told Dawn.
She gazed affectionately at the baby in Angel’s arms. “No problem. He’s an angel.”
Cordelia appeared in the doorway. “Don’t let him fool you,” she said dryly. “He’s not like this all the time.”
As if on cue, Connor burped, then spit up all over his shirt.
Cordelia raised her eyebrows. “What did I tell you?” She turned to Angel, who was trying to clean off his son with a paper towel. “I’ll go upstairs and get him a clean shirt.” She disappeared through the door.
Several minutes later Angel’s vampire hearing picked up a thud and a scream from upstairs. Spike’s head also perked up. Angel pushed Connor into Dawn’s arms and raced upstairs, Spike on his heels.
Cordelia lay on the floor, hands pressed to her head, body shaking. Angel knelt at her side, pulling her head into his lap. He thought the vision was going to last forever, but finally the screams quieted into whimpers.
“Was that a vision?” Willow asked from the doorway.
Angel silenced them all with a look as he helped Cordelia into a sitting position. She kept her eyes closed and a hand against her temple.
Angel looked around. “Spike, I need that bag by the closet. And she needs some water.”
Spike got the bag willingly, refraining from commenting when he saw Cordelia’s pale complexion and shaking hands. Angel rummaged through the bag until he found Cordelia’s pills. She took two with the water Anya brought for her.
Finally she began to relay her vision. “Demon. Medium height, red, funny looking.” She closed her eyes again, trying to remember every detail. “He’s got a crown of bone almost. Kinda like that dinosaur in Jurassic Park. The books, not the movie. The one that head-butted the car. Anyway, the demon’s attacking an..AA meeting?” She looked at Angel. “Why would anyone attack an AA meeting?”
He considered the question. “If it’s the demon I think it is, he gets his power from human vulnerability.”
“Almost like a vengeance demon!” Dawn said excitedly. She cast a glance at Anya. “Oops. Sorry.”
Anya shrugged indifferently. “Doesn’t bother me.”
Angel cleared his throat. “It’s not a vengeance demon. A vengeance demon is attracted to vulnerability. A Bamboria demon, if that’s what this is, actually gets power from killing things that are vulnerable.”
Cordelia shrugged slightly. “All I know is that it was killing people. It had these sharp things that it shot out of its hands.”
Angel nodded. “Sounds like a Bamboria demon. We’ll have to check with Wes to be sure, though.”
Cordelia nodded, then winced. “You call.” Angel grabbed her under the arms and helped her to her feet, steadying her when she swayed.
She sat on the bed and tried to still her trembling hands. She took out her cell phone, dialed Wes’ number, and handed the phone to Angel. While he spoke to Wes, Dawn sat beside Cordelia on the bed, handing Connor to her. Xander and Anya stood together at the window, Buffy and Willow stood by the dresser, and Spike leaned against the doorframe.
Cordelia played with Connor absently, trying to erase the images of destruction from her mind. She’d told Angel that the demon was attacking an AA meeting; in truth, it was a massacre. There were no survivors. Some of the bodies were beyond recognizable. She hoped they could stop it in time.
Angel hung up the phone and cleared his throat, seeing her distraction. “Wes says that he’s sure it’s a Bamboria demon. They’ll take care of it.”
Cordelia started to nod, then froze. “Take Connor,” she rasped. “Take him!” Then she lost herself in the vision.
A fire. A house on fire. A family of five standing on the street, watching the blaze. Five dead bodies in front of a singed house. A car at the top of a bluff, overlooking Los Angeles. A couple inside. A man with an engagement ring, hands shaking. Two dead people, bodies strewn beside a car, overlooking the city. A red monster, skull adorned with bone; long, sharp spines shooting from his hands…
Cordelia jerked a final time, emerging from the vision. She felt the carpet beneath her cheek, hands holding her body still. The pain in her head was constant and unrelenting.
She kept her eyes closed and tried to return her breathing to normal. A cool washcloth was placed on her forehead. Connor was crying and she heard Angel order Dawn to take him out of the room.
Finally Cordelia opened her eyes. The overhead light blinded her and she closed her eyes again, bringing her hand to her head. She heard someone tell someone else to turn off the light. She cautiously opened her eyes again.
She was lying on the floor, on her side. She saw blood on the carpet. She must have fallen off the bed. She touched her head and brought her hand down. There was blood on her fingers. Angel was on his knees in front of her. Spike and Buffy were crouched at her feet. Anya, Willow, and Xander crowded around, concerned looks on their faces.
She tried to sit up, but her arms wouldn’t support her body. Angel gently lifted her into a sitting position, pressing her back against the bed for support. Willow removed the washcloth from her head and started cleaning the wound on her head.
Angel knelt in front of her again. “What did you see?”
Cordelia blinked several times, disoriented at having another vision so quickly. “Another Bamboria demon. A different one. Bigger. One attacking a family. Their house was on fire and they were watching it burn. The demon killed them. Another Bamboria demon was attacking a couple in a car outside of LA.”
“How is the couple vulnerable?” Xander asked.
“He was proposing.”
“Oh.”
“When is this going to happen?” Buffy asked.
“Tomorrow night. Around the same time as the other attack.”
“They’ll never be able to save them all,” Angel said. “There’s too many.”
“We should go back,” Cordelia said quietly.
“We could come too,” Buffy said. “To help.”
Angel glanced at Cordelia, who said nothing. “That might be a good idea.”
Spike nodded. “Count me in.” The others all agreed to go too, except for Anya, who would stay behind to look after The Magic Shop.”
“I don’t want Dawn going, either,” Buffy said. “Unless you’ll need her to watch Connor.”
Angel shook his head. “No, we have someone for Connor.”
Buffy nodded. “OK. We’ll meet you back here in an hour.”
After they left, Angel turned to Cordelia, who was still leaning against the bed. He put Connor in the playpen and knelt beside her again. “Are you alright?”
She shook her head, tears springing to her eyes. “It hurts. The pain, the visions, the death. It hurts so much.”
Angel pulled her into his arms as she began sobbing. “What can I do?” he whispered. “Tell me what I can do.”
“My pills. I need another pill.”
Angel hesitated. She’d already taken two; any more would surely knock her out. Of course, that might be the best thing right now. He got her another glass of water and handed her the bottle of pills. She dumped two in her hand and took them without hesitating. Then she put the bottle in her purse.
Angel cleared his throat. “We’d better change.”
Cordelia nodded but made no attempt to move. Angel picked her up and gently sat her on the bed. He removed her shoes and went to the closet. He pulled out a pair of jogging pants that he didn’t know why she even bothered to bring and a hooded sweatshirt. He set them in her lap.
She looked at him with bleary eyes. “Thanks.”
Angel went to his suitcase and removed his clothes: black pants and a long sleeved black shirt. He walked down the hall to the bathroom to change. When he came back he was surprised to see that Cordelia hadn’t changed yet. She was struggling with her sweatshirt, trying to put it on over her dress. Angel shook his head, thinking maybe those extra pills weren’t such a good idea after all.
Sighing, he took the sweatshirt from her. She tilted her head, squinting up at him. “Let’s start with the pants,” he said. He slipped her legs into them and slid them up to her knees. “Cordy, I need you to stand up now.” He pulled her up gently. She put her arms around his neck, leaning heavily against him. He finished putting her pants on and turned her around, sitting her back on the bed. He unzipped her dress and let the back fall open. He picked up the sweatshirt and put it over her head. Still at her back, he maneuvered her arms into the sleeves and pulled the shirt down over her stomach. He rounded the bed to stand in front of her. Sure enough, she was perfectly dressed.
Cordelia gazed up at him with glazed eyes. “Are we there yet?”
He smiled and gently pushed her back so that she was lying down. “Not yet. Just rest. I’ll wake you when we get there.”
She gave him a wide smile. “Kay.” She closed her eyes and was asleep in minutes.
Angel watched her for several minutes before packing up their things.
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