Title: That Look
Author: razzieal
Rating: PG-13?
Summary: Just a bit of reflecting on Cordy's part. If you're confused by it, no biggie...it sort of confuses me too
Spoilers: Up to Loyalty.
Disclaimer: Don't own, so don't sue. Joss and ME own all this stuff.
Okay, so here's the deal. I'm sitting here right now watching Groo, that hunk of a man as he lounges next to me on the towel as we both soak up the rays from the afternoon sun in Hawaii. I have had a few thoughts go through my head since that last night in L.A., and let me tell you I mean just a few thoughts.
Mostly I am confused I think. I was in such a hurry to get of the hotel that night and get all groiny with Groo that I didn't care much about anything else. That was until I heard Angel's voice call me back. He gave me this look, and you know what? It really confused me, because usually I know his looks. This one though, it was different. One I had never seen him give me before.
I was still frustrated at that point but I knew whatever it was he had to say it was important. So I went over to him and he did the last thing I ever expected him to do. He pulls out this wad of money and places it in my hand. Then tells me to take Groo someplace nice, where there is sun. Sun? What the hell?
And the whole time he's speaking he keeps giving me that look, and I still can't understand it. It's like he's trying to tell me something, but I'm just not figuring it out.
I didn't want to go away, I realize that he was trying to do the right thing and let me be alone with Groo, but for some odd reason the more I look back on that night and the look he was giving me, the more I don't understand it.
And God. His voice. It was so.strained. Like he forced himself to say every word. What's up with that? Why would he have to force himself to say those things?
"Princess?"
Hmmpphh! Groo can be annoying at times.
"Yes, Groo?"
"Do you wish for me to get you another refreshment?"
"Umm.no, I think I'm fine."
"Very well, Princess."
Okay, where was I? Oh yeah! Anyway. I can remember my confusion at the time, both from the words he spoke, how he spoke them and that damn look. I was so tempted to just stay, and drag out of him whatever the hell was wrong with him. I mean, let's be honest here. Angel is my life. I am his Seer; I chose to be his Seer. I had a second chance to fix all of that, to get the life that long ago I gave up on, the fancy cars and the money, all of that shit. But I chose to stay with Angel, and keep my promise to him.
Not too long ago, right before the whole Darla fiasco, I realized after a year of total denial that I was in love with the brooding, sexy vampire. But I knew that his heart would never belong to me. That realization was reinforced that night at the ballet, when he tried to avoid hurting my feelings after our little romp in that haunted room. God I was so scared when we had to go back in there. I tried to hide it, and I think I did a damn good job. I could tell that he was a bit nervous as well. Amazing how someone who looks that good and was known as being quite the lady-killer (both literally and figuratively) with 250 years of experience under his belt couldn't stomach making out with me.
Don't get me wrong, the kissing, and the whole licking my body right down to my.well you know.and that thing he did with his hand.oh my god! And then when we tried to get out of the room and we couldn't keep our hands off each other.he was well, I said perky afterwards, but that was no where near the truth. It was like a freaking baseball bat was being jabbed into my ass; it was or rather is huge. I might not have a whole lot of experience, but I have felt or seen other men's, well.packages, but his is...whoa...
Okay, why am I getting all flustered now? Dammit. I promised myself I wouldn 't let him effect me like this.
On with the story, back to when I left him standing there in the hotel. Like I said part of me wanted to just stay and figure all this out, but I made a sorta promise to Groo to do the nasty with him, and I really wanted to get laid. If I can't have what I really want take the next best thing right? I mean Groo is amazing, honest and true and noble. Well Angel is noble too, a little too damn noble for his own good sometimes and he is bonofide hottie, but the curse.you know? I could care less he's a vampire.hell I'm part demon!
So I decide to go with the hormones for now, knowing that I will be back soon enough. At the last moment I remember that he was hurt as well in that fight with the living tree (which by the way.what the hell was that about?). So I turn and ask him if he needs some patching up as I touch his wound. You know what he said? I'll tell ya, because it really confused me, more then anything else he had said in the last few minutes or any of the looks he gave me.
He said, "No.I'm good. It didn't hurt a bit."
I can only imagine the expression that was on my face after he finished saying that. Because I sure as hell had no idea what was going through my mind. How the hell could that not have hurt? The big oaf had a living tree impale a branch through his chest, successfully piercing the one organ in his body that could have rendered him to dust. And God, I so don't want to think about him turning to dust. I have to face that nearly everyday while we go off to help the hopeless. I for one know that I would be one of those people if anything ever happened to Angel.
"Princess"
Dammit!
"What Groo?"
"The, umm.radio? Yes, the radio here is saying something about an earthquake in L.A., isn't that where Angel is? Where we came from?"
What? Oh no!
"Give it here Groo!"
I frantically reach for the radio and turn the volume to max.
"-Yes, Bob. We've got a major shaker here going on L.A. The first quake registered at 6.7 on the scale. So far we have had at least 4 after-quakes. There is numerous damage all over downtown L.A.! We haven't had any confirmed numbers yet but what we do have estimates that at least 25 people have been killed. A major fire has been reported at the old hotel known as the Hyperion."
"The fire and rescue squads have so far had trouble getting to the scene. But witnesses have reported that 2 people, a young woman and a young black male escaped the hotel who were soon followed by an older gentleman. Witnesses have also said that they saw a young man actually leap from a 6th floor window."
"No one has been able to confirm this, but it is believed that he was carrying a small child in his arms. We have no confirmation on the condition of the small child or the man because the other people who reportedly escaped the burning hotel have disappeared. We will try to follow up on this story as more information becomes available."
You ever have those moments in your life when you absolutely regret one particular choice? I hadn't really had until just now. I knew who the man was that jumped out of the window.the only man I know who could actually land on his feet after a jump like that. Angel and Connor. God please be okay.
"Groo, I have to get back home.now."
What the.why is he looking at me like that? And where the hell have I seen that look before? Wait a minute.
"Groo, why are you looking at me like that?"
"Because, Princess I love you.and I know now that you will leave.."
"So, you're looking at me like that because you love me?"
"Yes, because I know I am losing you."
That look, that's the exact same look Angel was giving me right before I left. Oh my God. How blind could I have been?
Home. Get back to my family; make sure they're okay. And make sure that look means what I think it means. Because if it does.I'm sure glad I didn't use that bottle.