just fic


Title: And Nothing But...
Author: Princess Twilite
Posted:
Rating: NC17
Email: Princesstwilite2@aol.com
Content:
Summary: The truth comes out, through a little blue bottle, that is NOT what it seems.
Spoilers: Anything is fair game. If you're not looking to get spoiled... you MIGHT not want to read this.
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Maybe if you ask nicely.
Notes: This is in answer to Boy Slayer's challenge. I won't say what it is, because it might give something away... ALSO - to make this fic work - just assume that Wes wasn't the one who took Connor away - it can be whoever you imagine it to be. Just NOT him. I don't want to see my poor Wes as the whipping boy in this story.
Feedback: Feedback is a gem.
Dedication: To Mulder and Scully, who taught me the fine art of subtext. I don't care what everyone tells me. YOU'RE REAL!!!


Part 1

Truth is a powerful thing. It builds cities - and falls them. It's beneath the foundation of everything you've ever known - twisted around lies and misconceptions - that arn't so much untruths, as partial truths. To hear the truth, can be as beautiful as hearing the first cry of a newborn child...

Or it can be devastating. And leave a heart in utter despair, from telling the truth, one too many times.

* * *

Hearing Cordelia come from a mile away was both a blessing and a curse. It gave Angel time to imagine things he had no right imagining. What would she wear today? That short little blue skirt - with a slit that came nearly to her hip? Or maybe that yellow shirt, that fascinated him by what it hinted at but didn't reveal.

Sometimes, when he was in a mood - he thought maybe he would just take her. Make her afraid of him, so she wouldn't deny him a little taste, maybe it would give her someting tangible to fight his darker side with. Do almost anything to get her in his bed.

He was a man after all. Who just happened to be an old man with super powers. But then he would see his fingers, nails trimmed neatly and remember all the blood shed by them.

There would be no touching Cordelia Chase. Not when there was still that part of him that wanted to tie her down and teach her to love him in return. To love the beast as a man.

These were Angel's truths, shoved inside his skin as surely as the monster within. Often straining, snapping at the chain that held them back, with such a leathal force... that he swayed against his oaths, his promises. Whispered to the bedroom ceiling while day time - *life* went on outside the cool confines of his bedroom.

Loving Cordy. Fearing what was inside of him. A son that could not stand either of his faces. And a guilt buried so low, so deep it had molded to his stomach in a thick lump of agony.

But it did not take away from the sweetness of that first truth. Or it's danger.

Purposely Angel turned his mind low when Cordelia entered the room, hips sashaying in a silent rythym of seduction that she didn't even realize-- she couldn't be that cruel right? Would never tease a starving man with such an illusion of ecstasy?

She was not paying him any attention. In fact, she seemed to be lost in her own thoughts. That sex kitten smile of hers, the *real* one, trailed wistfully along the lines of her face, the gentle glow in her eyes told him just *what* she was smiling about.. and it sickened him. Not her. Never her. But that she.. and him...

" Groo honey, I forgot my purse, could you go get it for me?" Cordy called, starting up the computer at her desk behind the front counter. Angel's eyes snapped over to the barely noticed Groosalug and he felt the beast inside him.. straining on it's leash.

His face remained passive. Watching Groo with that cool light in his eyes that often unnerved the young man. He was out the door in a snap however, as if he'd never occupied the sweating Hyperion air. Angel wondered briefly how long it would take Mr. Magnificent to find a way back to Cordy's apartment and retrieve her bag. And wondered less briefly if it had been Cordy's intention to get him alone, to send Groo off where he might NEVER come back...

Of course looking at her shining face completely shook that theories foundation and had him moving away from the balcony where he stood, back into his bedroom where he was no longer an intruder on the solitude and womanly smile Cordelia held about her this morning.

The day would soon begin. And he had to put his face on.

* * *

" Hello. Angel Investigations. We help the helpless." Wes said, grabbing the phone as Cordy continued to read, her fashionable chunky heels kicked up onto the desk, dangerously close to knocking his coffee cop off the table. An sigh of frustration worked it's way up his throat, lecturing Cordy was like... telling Angel he shouldn't go rushing off into danger.

It just wasn't getting through. "Ah, hell." He whispered and then flushed scarlet. "No! No ma'am, I wasn't talking to you. Of course we'll come help - just give us... Okay.. Yes. Thank you.."

Cordy nudged him with her foot. Tossing the magazine to the side. Wes slid off her desk, shaking his head.

" A Miss Bobbie Stein needs our help with a haunting of an apartment building she owns. Says it's scaring off tenants and she's willing to pay.. mostly whatever it costs."

"Ooh money." Cordy crossed her arms over her chest, as Wes called out to Fred and Gunn who were in the library, and Angel who was cleaning out the fridge. An odd task, but the vampire had a tendency to do odd stuff when he was jumpy.

And lately... jumpy was an understatement of what Angel was. Cordy continued, taking a sip of her drink, "Money is always good. And Bobbie? Isn't that a guys name?"

Wesley grinned charmingly, " And Cordelia is so cultured."

He barely missed the bottle of water that got thrown at his head. Laughing he slid away from her.

" Below the belt! And hey - besides that, I can't come with you guys." Wes stopped laughing, leaning forward at the serious expression on her face.

" How come? Is it-"

" I just can't, okay?"

" But Cordelia, spirits, apparitions, that's you're area. You have the most knowledge, with your ghost-" Cordy held up a finger, silencing him.

" Dennis prefers the term Phantom-American, thank you very much." Sputtering, Wes watched as Cordelia sashayed her way over to the counter, looked for her as yet to be retrieved purse and shook her head on a sigh. " Later guys, I've got something on the OTHER list to do today."

She was already out the door when Wesley heard a soft sound from the kitchen, almost like a wistful sigh, but with an edge of longing on it. Turning he saw Angel - filling up the dark spaces - staring at the door where Cordy had left.

It was vaguely disturbing, to see Angel laid so bare and open. To see such a war in his eyes, the threat of an oncoming storm. So much so that he found himself turning away, even as a warning churned in his gut.

He'd seen Angel in despair. Angel in 'beige'.

But it was nothing compared to seeing a man loving a woman who couldn't or wouldn't love him back.

Or so the mirror spoke.

* * *

Contrary to popular belief, Cordelia had yet to comshuck with the Groosalug. They'd done... stuff. Good, fun stuff that involved plenty of blissful hours. It was his first time for everything, so each moment was a discovery -- she never figured she'd be the teacher again. Not after Xander. But she didn't like to think about him much.

Every night she'd turn to Groo, see him and desire him and almost go through with it.. and yet, his hands felt so wrong, not bad exactly, just wrong.

There was something holding her back.

Maybe it was the way he referred to himself in the third person..

Bad thoughts.

She couldn't figure it out, she'd tried *everything*. Almost everything, to make herself go through with it. But she never got past the point where she would drink the contents of that little blue bottle. So it remained, gathering dust inside her top dresser drawer. It annoyed her to have to dig through Groo's clothes to get to it.

But what right did she have to be annoyed? Sure he'd moved in as if it were a given, as if she needn't be asked. Sure he'd crowded her into a full blown, all the time, no date relationship. But heck, the guy had traveled dimensions for her, fought off would-be attackers for her - and he loved her. Hell, he was the modern day super hero. So what right did she have to harbor any resentment?

Maybe because he wasn't the *right* super hero.

Shaken by the thought, Cordy lifted the blue bottle from her dresser, it's tinted glass spraying a colorful shower of light across the floor of her bedroom.

Cordy wondered where Groo was. If maybe she should find him and tell him that she was finally doing it. But she couldn't bare that hopeful expression in his eyes, it made her quiver - but mostly in a fear that she would never, could never live up to what he expected of her.

Sure she was great, she knew it, had always known it, even if no one had believed her. But as much as being a princess in Pylea had been fun, it hadn't been something she'd wanted to live with. And THIS - Princess this, Princess that... it was really starting to bug the crap out of her.

Feeling small and guilty, Cordy popped the cork out of the bottle - a slight shimmer of gold dust lifted with the cork, fluttering lightly in the sunshine and disappearing into the shade.

The scent was something musky and sensual and it made the tip of her nose tingle.

"Take it Cor." She told herself. "Quit being a wimp and take it!" But her hand hesitated, remembering earlier this afternoon, what had spurred this plan into action.

Angel was laughing, standing next to her and grinning like an idiot at one of her one liners. It made her heart feel light and giddy when he did this for her, so she fell back onto the couch, sprawling haphazardly in a way that was NOT fashionable, and Angel sat down heavily next to her, still chuckling. He reached over and squeezed her inner thigh.. as he'd done a million times before when they'd laughed together. It was a habit, his way of saying, "Hey, thanks, you know me laughing is the seventh sign of Apocolaypse, but baby, we're going down with style." Okay- so maybe not THAT far, but the point was, he didn't laugh nearly enough.

But his hand missed his target this time and she found herself staring into the shocked eyes of Angel, feeling a heat spread throughout her body so fast it *hurt.* His hand - was on her crotch.

Neither of them moved, as if frozen in time - Angel's eyes had gotten as dark as she'd ever seen them. Became black, glistening obsidian as he licked his lips, his fingers contracting against her, squeezing the soft, warm flesh through her black jeans. Cordy gasped, her hips bucking, body dampening, a red flush painting her cheeks.

Angel seemed mortified, as if his hand had acted without his consent. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..." But his voice had gone so husky it became unrecognizable and he was distracted, staring down with clouded eyes at his hand between her legs. His hand moving tenderly, stroking her through the layers of cotton and denim. His mouth had fallen slightly slack, pink tongue darting out to wet his parched lips...

She knew she was panting. Afraid and yet... there was something blossoming, an ember just beneath her heart that seemed to be growing into a flame..

" No.." She whispered back, eyes filling. " Oh god no."

Angel looked stricken, jerking his hand away from her. That was when Gunn and Fred had decided to show up.

" Sorry, we're late." Fred smiled warmly up at Gunn. " Charles decided we'd eat in this morning." Cordy managed a bright smile, eyes drying out under the red hot heat of her embarrassment.

"Well, well - looks like someone's got that after morning glow." She said too loudly, feeling Angel flinch beside her.

Heart sinking, even as the giggles erupted from Fred. Softer, Cordy added, "Just saying."

She hadn't been able to leave just yet, escape the tense atmosphere. Wesley had wandered in, reading her the riot act for not filing the Klornak demon under 'K' where he'd asked. Cordy had droned out, acting casual while reading a magazine.

Knowing all along that Angel could hear her heart pounding.

Standing here now, on the edge of her doubts, Cordy felt a guilt unlike any she'd ever felt before. Guilt for enjoying Angel's touch. Guilt for putting that horrible pained look on his face.

I make him smile, dammit! I'm not Buffy!

Which might be the crux of her problems.

NO. Not going there. Put a lid on that jealousy years ago. Not opening it over some stupid Vampire copping one... devastating feel.

And then there was the guilt and fear that had her pouring the bottle down her throat without any more thinking.

Guilt for wanting him to touch her again. And this time - she didn't want him to stop.

Trembling slightly, Cordy sat on the chair Phantom Dennis, her ghost roomy had pulled up behind her.

"Thanks." She sighed, trying to purge herself of her own thoughts. A cool air, as gentle as a butterfly kiss touched her cheek and she smiled slightly, however reluctantly.

She'd taken the potion. Now all she had to do... was put it to use.

It was probably just sexual frustration right? Why else would she have responded so instantaneously to an accidental touch?

Catching a glimpse of her shadowed eyes in her bedroom mirror... She reminded herself not to look too closely at just what that expression meant.

She hadn't meant to fall asleep. When she awoke, there was a crook in her neck and butterflys in her stomach. And she knew.. just KNEW...

"Dammit" She whispered down into the empty bottle. " This *isn't* the way to solve things. I've got to talk to him. Crap. Angst fest, here we come!" She muttered, tossing the bottle on the bed. After she left the room, an invisible hand picked up the bottle and sat it on the dresser.

It winked dangerously in the fading sunlight.

* * *

Cordelia's head was aching as she walked back into the Hyperion. The cab driver had rambled the *entire* ride from her apartment. This old guy had talked about everything from the pimple on his back, to his wife leaving him for the chubby plumber.

Cordy had finally gotten to the point where she told him to shut up, and the cabby had just looked at her like she was crazy.

Asshole.

A part of her wished she'd listened to her instincts to hide beneath the covers. But no, she'd face this thing head on - it was who she was. Right?

Cordy stalked through the lobby, not sparing anyone else so much as a glance as she stomped up the stairs, her heels hitting them loudly. The sound echoing throughout the hotel.

" What's up with her?" Gunn stared pointedly at Cordys disappearing form.

" Oh you know-" Fred whispered. " That time of the month."

Gunn raised his eyebrows, smiling. He touched a gentle hand to her cheek, leaned in, his eyes going soft and seductive.

" When you have that time of the month - remind me to lock all my doors and bolt the windows." Fred screamed with laughter, her hand slapping Gunn's arm. He mock winced and kissed her firmly.

Cordy continued to storm right past Angel's bedroom. Something pulled her further, down the hallway - as if instinctively she knew he was not in his room. It would have been scary if she stopped to think about it. But she didn't - just jerked open the window - felt soft rain drops fall onto her face as she climbed out onto the fire escape.

It was not an easy task in high heels, but she made it up those stairs. And lo and behold, Angel stood with his leather jacked whipping in the heavy breeze. The wind carried the scent of him to her - made it almost impossible to breath for a moment.

On that wind there was something else. His voice - her voice together, intertwined they floated through her head even though they were not her own thoughts. They felt foreign... Angel.

"No.. Oh god no." It repeated in the air, a broken mantra. She clutched her head, sore from it. Her heart aching. He knew she was there.

Here. She's here. She'd follow me up here ofcourse. When I want to be alone.. not alone. Not really. She's always there - somewhere, irritating, making me want to... just touch her. God - gotta touch her. Can't. But she's back at least. Back to maybe - yeah, right. Won't even go there.

Been there. Been there already.

Tasted it. I've got her taste on my tongue. That night...

Cordy whimpered slightly, but forced herself to push these illusions away. Angel was NOT thinking these things.

" ANGEL!" Cordy growled, long legs eating up the ground as she stalked him, jerked him around.

Bitch. No. Not a bitch. Breaking me... don't want to make her hurt. But everything I touch..God- what a fucking mouth...

Caught off guard, Cordy stumbled, found herself pressed against his cool, wet body as the rain pelted down in punishing buckets.

Oh fuck. Oh god. Yes Cordy. Gonna just take you one of these days. You're gonna want me, gonna find a way- I'd sell my soul for a...

"SHUT UP!" She yelled, shoving at his chest. He blinked, his thought process halted.

Uh...Okay, she's angry - wet- not going there. Make it better. (Killed before, make those deaths better.) Check. Check. Not gonna let Cordy know what these hands have done...

Cordy shuddered, rubbing her fists into her eyes.

Not just blood. But my hand - touching her in places that she'd never suspect. Who cares if it's only a dream? She's MINE there. To touch. To feel. To shut the hell up long enough for me to kiss her...but..

So she'd gone crazy. Certifiably mad. That was okay though, right? Cause everyone in LA was crazy in some way. Hell, this only made her eccentric. Hearing Angel's voice in her head.

Never forget. Gotta remember - I butchered men with these fingers.

Okay, make that *sick and gross* voices in her head. And it sounded like she'd read the book on Angelus one too many times for her own good. But she'd wanted to KNOW, to be prepared.. for what she feared every day.

Angelus.

Angel looked down into Cordy's upturned, skittering face. The muscles in her jaw twitched, like a frightened mare. There was anger, but mostly just confusion in her eyes. The type of bewildered shock that made his knees go weak - with fear and

HOPE. She's figured it out. The way she smells, she knows I want her. Like - sex and fear. Except prettier, this time I don't smell blood.

Blood like...don't wanna remember right now.

Cordy clawed at her hair as her stomach dropped and flipped inside of her. And then, anything, fucking anything to shut up the thoughts - the insanity.

What the *hell* was going on?!

Cordy - you and Connor - breaking my heart..

Stop.

She grabbed him by the ears and jerked his mouth to her own. Kissed the shit out of him while he stood flabbergasted with his arms going limp, his body frozen in place. Everything inside of him yearned - and yet he was in shock from the feel of her lips against his own. Not even his lips moved when she shoved her tongue inside, tasting him with a ravenous hunger of one held back from a meal and given barely a crumb.

Slowly Cordelia became aware of herself. What she was doing, the way her hands gripped his skull, her nails digging in - and the fact that Angel was standing there like a statue who'd just been shot in the head. He had an erection that dug into her stomach - but still...

Oh, shit.

Oh, dammit.

She'd just threw herself at him, not purposely mind you - but with full subconscious approval..

And he'd done nothing but stare at her like an idiot.

Way to go Chase.

" All I wanted.." Cordy gasped, brushing the soaked strands of hair out of her face. " I just... wanted to say we should forget this morning. I didn't... WE didn't mean to. Nothing really happened anyway."

He was still frozen, feet cemented to the roof, his eyes blurred and circuits fried as Cordy descended the fire escape once more.

Couldn't even croak out her name through his desert dry throat.

Wait...

"Shut *UP*!" Cordy yelled, pulling the window shut behind her.


Part 2

Angel shook himself out of the daze feeling her lips against his own had thrown him into - and realized quite suddenly that Cordy had literally just thrown herself at him, hotter than the lightning sparking across the sky.. and he's stood there like an absolute moron.

Angel knew that he could never have Cordy, but the least he could have done... was act ALIVE.. of course he was dead so..

He groaned, dashing across the roof of the Hyperion, skidding slightly in the mud puddles and landing on his face.

Smooth move, Romeo.

Not like she'll ever be yours anyway...

Can't EVER bring her into the shadows...

Standing, he tried to get the mud of himself, but to no avail, he was covered in it. Sighing, he tossed his jacket onto the wet ground with a plop and climbed down the fire escape, ducking quickly under the stairs and jerking at the window... it wouldn't open.

FUCK!

Strong as an elephant and the window wouldn't open for him. Another blow to his all ready bruised ego. He looked over the edge of the fire escape - down at where the rain hit the cement... and saw a lone figure walking quickly away.

He knew exactly who it was.

Angel jumped over the side - falling a good thirty feet and landing with ease, right in front of Cordelia. She screamed and jumped back, hands going up in a fighters stance before she recognized the water logged vampire for who he was.

"Angel..." She whispered.

" I'm sorry." He said, plucking a damp clump of hair from her face and pushing it behind her ear. She shook slightly before shrugging and casting her mortified eyes away from him.

" It's okay.. I.. didn't mean to do it anyway." A gentle finger lifted her chin, dark eyes burning into her own.

Cordelia gasped. Her brain flooded again.

You're taste - just one more time. I'll get it right this time. I swear it. No spell, no love struck phantoms.. just you.. and me...give me one minute to feel you... " What..." But she trailed off, felt his fingers slide along her cheek, a gentle stroke. Over her forehead, down over her eyes, pressing them closed with a tender touch. His finger trailed down over her nose, and settled - ever so softly on her lips. Angel tapped slightly, as if knocking.

Let me in. I want to come inside. Just once.

Slowly her mouth opened, just a bit and the tip of his index finger slid inside. They both took a shuddering breathe. His finger moved along the sensitive inner lips, pressing against the white teeth until something broke inside her - and she touched her tongue to his skin. He moaned, pressing his other hand onto her shoulder as if for support as his knees grew weak.

Gonna be ashes.. die for it...

Eyes hot, he watched her take his finger into her mouth. The way her eye lashes fluttered, her hand coming up to grip his ancient wrist - circling as if chaining him to her. She sucked him in to his knuckle and his brain burned - a sensation similar to when he was closing in on a kill. White hot streaks flaying his body straight to the loins as her hot tongue swirled roughly around him, her grip tightening on his hand.

I want you...

Slowly, so slowing his breaths grew into pants - he slid his finger out... and pressed back in. This time it was her turn to moan, at such a reality. The taste of his skin was salty and unique, made her stomach fall out of place and her panties become as sodden as the rest of her.

" Open your eyes Cordy."

She heard his rasp as if from a distance, so sure that she was dreaming. But she complied, peeking first through her lashes, then tilting her face up at him, leaving herself open and vulnerable.

Just give me a little bit... to sustain me..

And she knew it, then and there, with the rain beating down on her.

She'd committed the worse crime imaginable. She'd fallen in love with a vampire.

As if sensing this, Angel slid his hand free - instead gripping her shoulders so tightly she thought she might break in two, and he took a step nearer... so that their bodies were only inches apart.

It had to be her. She could sense this. And she wasn't sure how...

Not nearly good enough for you Cordy...

Oh god. Cordy couldn't believe she'd actually fallen in love with him. What was worse than that? She couldn't say now, looking up into his pale face, his skin glistening like pearls... that it was just lust. Although that was a big part of it...

But touching him, feeling him hold her made something sweet ache in her heart. A note plucked, making her vibrate on this higher frequency....

Kiss me Cordy... kiss me again...

Yeah, she was insane. But it felt good... so damn good that she stepped forward, pressed her wet front against his, felt the buttons of his shirt digging into her skin. She held him that tightly. But she didn't kiss him, only held him, resting her forehead against his shoulder...

She felt right. Cherished.

Angel sighed, his hands gentling, smoothing over her back in wide strokes.

" You okay?" He asked, felt the rain turn to sprinkles, become more of a kiss then a punishment...

" Yeah." She whispered against his shirt, snuggling closer, hands locking around his waist. " You?"

" Been worse." His chin dropped down onto her shoulder, his cheek rubbing against her own, pressing slightly, seeking a different kind of contact.. and slowly.. hesitantly she turned her face toward his - and their eyes met, so close to him she was, that she could *only* see his eyes.

She could only see...

Just this.. Just once...

"Cordy.." Her name fell, a light breath across her lips and she was leaning that small millimeter forward, pressing her lips gently onto his..

Words no longer filled her brain, not thoughts or images... just a blissful type of peace, flooding onto and into her skin.

The kiss was gentle, and exquisite. So sweet it was painful. His big hands came up, cupping her jaw and she kept her hands around his waist, holding him close.. closer.

A soft whimper worked it's way up her throat and into his mouth when he slipped his cool tongue inside - his stomach clenching in pleasure. All from the softest of kisses... Gently their tongues touched, almost shyly.. and he forgot all the things he'd done and said... forgot blood and death and forever..

All there was, was this moment, this woman with her heart in her mouth....

Shaken, he pulled away from the kiss, watching her shudder from the loss, her lips reaching out again before she caught herself and opened eyes that had slid shut.

Can't have her...

He took her hand, and blindly she followed him as he pulled her through the garden gate, leaving it swinging open - around the side of the house, where thhey were hidden by the wall, he brought her close again, brushing his lips over her chin and throat.

Cordelia let him, knowing they were messing with fire, but feeling delightfully like she was a kid again, on a date where she had to sneak a few kisses in before the porch lights went on.. Her fingers slid across his back, up until they tangled in his short cropped hair, felt him bend her over his steel arm until she was all but dipped to the ground, his mouth sucking gently across her collar bone.

Never gonna hurt her...

All this in silence, but for the thoughts of love and desire that his voice seemed to whisper in her ear, however occupied his mouth was on her smooth skin. Her brain tried to push it's way to the forefront, but it was shoved aside when a hand came up and tenderly grasped her breast, pressing against it lightly, feeling the nipple harden against his palm.

Won't let the demon touch her...

Angel took a deep breath, pulling her back up into a standing position and she felt drunk, body hanging all over his. It was as if he'd put her in thrall and all she could do was beg for more as his skill full fingers kneaded her, and his groan vibrated rough and needy against her forehead, when she responded so sweetly to his caresses..

He kissed her temple firmly before taking his hands away from her.

God... it hurts...

The loss of contact left her aching, reaching out for him, but he caught her wrist and held it aloft even as an arm banded around her waist and dragged her roughly against him, the pace suddenly changing. Shocked by this, she caught his eyes and they told of frustration, shuttered love and lust as deep as she'd ever seen.

" You ran from me this morning." He said slowly, not letting go of her wrist even as she twisted in his grasp, but not to get away... to get closer.

" I'm sorry." She said, thinking that was what he wanted, and reaching her lips up to taste his Adams apple, feeling his muscles ripple and contract, his erection hop against her stomach.

Felt him swallow thickly and try to speak again.

" I'm not asking you to be Cordy, you were right to run away." he grated out, pushing her away. " I'm the one that's sorry. I just - look I'm not good with words. I tend to screw things up."

Cordelia sighed, moving back and away from him, no matter how her body protested.

" So... what exactly is this about?" She asked, keeping her voice low. " You just wanted a quick grope and.. that's it?"

Thunder sounded far away - echoed inside of her.

Fear.

" No! God no!" Angel shoved his hands roughly through his soaked hair, raindrops sliding across his face like tears. "See.. all ready doing the screwing up part."

Cordy waved her arms, lifting her eyebrows. " Yeah?"

" I wanted... Cordy, when you kissed me, up on the roof.. I just wanted you to know that it wasn't because of you that I didn't respond. You just shocked me... and I had to make sure you knew that it wasn't... that I do see you that way."

" Always good to know." Cordelia responded, crossing her hands over her chest, feeling suddenly absurd for crawling all over him. " So nice that you'd go through so much trouble to soothe a girls ego."

His eyes beseeched her, hands in his pocket, face drawn tight.

" You know that's not it. *I* know how I feel about you. And it's more than just.. lust. You gotta know that."

" Sure." She shrugged. " So we're done here?"

... Never gonna be done.. no.. I have to..

Cordy shook these cobweb like thoughts away, tired of them. Slowly they faded, and she felt her heart squeezing dangerously in her chest. Not like she gave a damn, when she'd thought about loving him, she hadn't meant it. Nope, not her.

Tears came dangerously close to her eyes but she burned them away with her strength, stiffening every part of herself to keep from breaking into pieces.

Angel struggled for something else to say, anything to wipe that cold look off of her face, and stop the aching in his gut. " I wanted to touch you." He burst out, stepping toward her hesitantly.

" Yeah. I get that. But I'd rather you hadn't." That stopped him in his tracks. " Don't you get it? You were all... tender Angel. If you weren't gonna follow through, the least you could have done was make it rougher."

" I don't want to hurt you." He said, hands lifting toward the sky uselessly.

Too late. " Well - I guess it's a day for regrets." He flinched, moving back away from her, further inside his skin. " Look, I'm gonna head inside, maybe grab a towel or something. It's cold out here, you may be used to it, but I'm warm blooded. Besides, it's not like I'm shattered," she aimed to wound, "never did much care for that necro-junk anyway."

" Cordy," he croaked out, heart jerking hard in his chest. But she was all ready moving away - opening the back door of the hyperion and slipping inside. " Fuck." He said to the tree. " Dammit." He said to the grass. But they weren't listening anyway. All he'd wanted was to make it right... to show her that he DID want her, even if he could never have her. He hated that another part whispered to him, saying he'd kissed her to make sure she never wanted anyone but him again. Hated that he didn't know which side of him was telling him the truth.

There was just too much darkness left inside of him, to ever chance touching something so clean. Knowing that he would never have her - could never let himself touch her again, he bent at the waist, put his hands on his knees and tried desperately not to ache.

But it pulsed inside him, livid and ugly. And all he could do was stay still and try to breathe, until he remembered. He'd stopped breathing a long time ago.

* * *

Cordy moved swiftly through the hotel, catching everyone's eye but avoiding any contact what so ever. Up the stairs, running now, as her friends began whispering, slamming the bathroom door shut. Listening to her own breath stutter out and her heart pound rudely in her chest...

She sank down to the floor, back sliding against the door. A small quiet, animal sound was ripped from her insides as she put her head between her knees.

Breathe, c'mon girl, breathe. Remember earlier, what you said... you don't want him anyway, just go screw Groo and get it over with, it's just the sexual drought... besides, there was something fucked up about her. She felt like she was reading peoples minds. So obviously she wasn't sane...

But it didn't help much right now - with her heart handed to her on a plattter. Her own hands gripping the back of her head tightly, struggling for purchase.

Refusing to be sick.

Refusing to cry.


Part 3

There are resolutions one makes while sitting bathroom floor, with their throbbing head in their hands.. In fact there are three, and definitely a fourth. She held up her hand and ticked them off on her fingers.

1. Remember that your back starts to throb, when it's bent at an improper angle.

2. Cold floors do not a genius make. In fact - they only make you remember a certain someone with chilly skin. So get up.

3. Goosebumps do not sooth a trembling heart. The only make it a rougher ride. So - stop shivering.

What was that fourth one again?

Freezing and sore, Cordelia stretched out her legs, heard them pop and shook her head ruefully. Jesus, when had she started getting old? No, not her age - just felt like she'd been there and done that with just about everything?? She stood, stretched and told herself it was time to make some changes. Big ones. No more pining after a dark brooding hero with great hair. And hell, his hair WASN’T that great. Really.

Yeah, just keep telling yourself that.

It was lowering to realize that the Queen C, had been doing that for longer then she'd realized. Pining. And dammit, she wasn’t the type to sit around and wait for something. She either took it, or lost interest. With Angel – it hadn’t been either way. She couldn’t take him, obviously. The big curse thing, and even if that didn’t exist – well it was a long way before they reached the finish line. And somehow she’d been left behind.

For a second she just stood there, fingers gripping her aching muscles and glanced around the white tiled bathroom. Oddly enough, there were memories in here even. And it was hard to not wonder when she’d fallen in love with Angel. But she didn’t. Instead, checked her make up in the mirror, she hadn't shed a tear so that was something. If not a significant thing to hold onto, at least it gave her the comfort that she wouldn’t ruin her mascara, or let Angel know just how badly she wanted to rip his heart out with her bare hands. Still, her cheeks were painted red from mortification. God, she’d thrown herself at him, not once - but twice! Where was her self control? Where she’d come from it was bite or be bitten. Literally. So you had to figure out if you were going be on the offense or defense. Offense was always best as it gave you the advantage.

Tally up the facts, and give yourself something to work with.

Angel was in love with her. She’d gotten that much from the jumbled thoughts in his head. But – he might not want her. He might just love the thought of castigating himself OVER her. After all – she was there through the Buffy/Angel show, and she knew him. What was that saying, love wasn’t always enough? Sure – and neither was loving someone. Not when they can’t love themselves.

So screw him and the big white horse he rode in on. She didn’t need a dark knight to save her, hell, she’d saved herself. Which was something, a definite something to consider. Nah, she didn’t need him. The resolve firmed her face as she practiced smiles in the mirror.

“ Oh this shirt? You’re too kind.” Turned around, winked over her shoulder. “ Look all you want Angel, but no touching. After all – this is a Grade A body, and I don’t want you messing it up.” She laughed. “ Now – no begging. It’s not attractive. Okay – beg a little, but don’t slobber on me.”

Then she straightened up and pouted at the mirror. Fixing her face expressions into that of a lost damsel in distress. “ Oh Angel! Save me! I just can’t seem to find…” Cordelia sighed and dropped the act, pushing her hair behind her ears. “ My sense of humor anymore.”

Sometimes she wished things were as simple as high school, where her biggest worry was if Xander would talk to her in front of her friends and humiliate her. Things were easier back then, and stuff like this, talking to the mirror and mouthing off used to make her feel better about herself.

Things were different now though. And that was something she had accepted. Along with the responsibility that came with being a half decent person, or at least admitting that you always had been, deep down.

Standing there – she made a resolution to forget. To put that little scene in the rain behind her. C’mon? He’d gone all Clark Gable, romanc-y on her, bending her over his arm like she was a heroin in a romance novel, with long flowing hair that touched the ground.. Well, hate to tell ya buddy, this isn’t one of your Jayne Krentz novels that you don’t think I know about, this is my life. And I cut my hair a long time ago. She almost wished she lived in the book. No – no thoughts like that. Book people where flat characters, shoved between pages worn thin by others imaginations.

She didn’t want to be anyone’s plan but her own.

Stumped, she flipped the lid on the toilet down and sat. What was she going to do? How could she possibly forget what had happened between them? Every damn day, she would see him, and know that he’d – that they’d… dammit.

The sound of foot steps in the hall – slow and hesitant. Her breath caught, and the red rose higher – flagged her cheek bones. Cordy stared hard at, knowing that if it was him – if it was, she just might do something she’d always regret. Like open her mouth and spit on him. Or maybe she wouldn’t regret that, but she might say something along the lines of,‘ Hey Angel, I was thinking, can we not see each other ever again? Because I could work right out of the home, over the phone. I mean, you’d still have to pay me for services rendered, but we could do that through mail or e-mail, if you can figure it out. We’d never have to look each other in the eyes EVER again? That might avoid a lot of embarrassment for me, thanks.’ Her heart thumped hard when the door opened and she saw a leather jacket gleam slightly out of the corner of her eye. Then the smell - and it wasn't Angel.

Her face fell, the lips turning down slightly and the eyes dulling, but she plastered on that plastic grin and jumped up at him. His grin was lop sided and he caught her easily.

" Groo!"

His big arms wrapped around her, and she snuggled in - resting her flaming cheeks against thee cool, rain chilled coat. So this was guilt, she’d felt it before, plenty of times, but not in this situation. Then again, she’d never done anything as stupid as falling in love with the wrong man. Oh – maybe a little, but this was now. And this was… Angel.

Oh.. Groo.. I'm so sorry.

She heard some running down the hall, it was Fred – she was laughing hysterically.

She popped her head into the open bathroom.

“ You should have seen it!” She said excitedly, eyes bright with joy. “ I finally beat Gunn at his wrestling game. The look on his face! I beat the crap out of his guy!” And then she was laughing again, and out the door. Cordy was unbelievably jealous. Not of Gunn or Fred, or anyone really. Just that someone was that happy, could be that happy – without even trying.

Cordelia wondered just what she was doing wrong, and found Groo’s earnest face staring at her.

" I found your purse Princess. You left it in the back closet." Yes, and I’d forgotten all about sending you after it. Did you get lost – finding your way back to the apartment?

Behind the picture of you, Wesley and Angel. I wonder why you've put them in your closet.

Oh, you know Groo – denial has many ways, and I didn’t want you to see the faces of the men in my life, that you could never replace. Groo’s face was hesitant – held the slightly damp glow of one newly in from a storm. The rain was a permanent fixture in her life it seemed.

She nodded up at him, looked into his eyes and worried that he might see more in her face than she did, and looked away. Toward the mirror, and the image of them together. They looked perfect, in the glossy magazine sort of way. Two beautiful people holding each other. His hands ran across her wet shirt, his eyes closed as he sighed against her. She wished she could love him like he deserved. Could look at him and get that tight in the side, wavy in the head feeling.

" You smell like..." Thump. Heart in the stomach. ".. rain. It's pleasant."

Like the fields of Pylea - where I used to train. The rain was blue there. Everything is so strange here.

Cordy shook her head and pushed out of his arms. She paced the space of the bathroom carefully, her shoulders drawn up to her ears, fingers stuffed into her still damp jacket pockets. Outside she saw the sky turn silver when lightning struck near by. The rain made her feel like a heel, like she’d been Xander instead of walking in on him and Willow kissing. God that had hurt, no matter how bad for each other they were, she’d been in love with Xander – maybe in love with the idea of a guy that tried to be a hero, and succeeded just by trying, even if he tended to trip up the slayer and slow down the witch. So now she was relating to an ex, what other low would she sink to?

Oh yeah, she’d all ready gone as low as it goes.

It wasn't okay, to do what she had done. And as much as she wanted to - she couldn't lie to him. Not when his face shone with raindrops, made him appear child like and innocent. Something that no one she knew, could claim to be anymore.

" Groo... I've got something.. I have to tell you." She turned and faced him, held out her hand and felt him grasp it. Saw dust sprinkled her throat, so she cleared it, opening her mouth to speak, several times before sighing in frustration.

Beatiful princess. Cordelia tried to smile, but it wasn’t happening.

He grinned. Man, just *who* was his dentist? " I have something to tell you also."

" You do?"

Mine forever.

That made the stomach revolt, and Cordy let out a shaky laugh, pressing a stubborn hand against the spot where her belly trembled. His face was turning red but he nodded eagerly and reached into his pocket, she saw a small black box and nearly fainted, her world going white around the edges - the sound of his fuzzy voice, or maybee his thoughts - static in her ear.

Not Angels...

No. Not Angel's. An open wound probed with blameless fingers. Cordy flinched back before she could help it, and a frown marred the edges of his perfect - wrong lips, but he hid it and began to open the small case. Light fractured in her eyes, making her blind and afraid. How many times had men begged for her? Bought her jewelry and candy while she bestowed upon them a malicious smile. And now – well now, she couldn’t stand the thought of being begged for.

Dammit, she had changed, glitter and glitz just didn’t do it for her any more, no matter how pretty they looked and how hot they looked on her

This was nuts, absolutely insane. And she’d do anything to avoid the inevitable.

Before she’d realized what she was doing, she had grabbed onto his arms, a little too desperately, her nails cutting into his flesh.

"Me first!" She said - and swung him out the door. His face burst white beneath the lamps, dark in the shadows. She wondered if it was from shock or just the lighting.

" But.."

" Me first!" She said again, a little manic, although she didn't show it or hoped she didn’t. So maybe her little confession of guilt could wait. After all, it would be rude to tell a person you almost slept with your best friend while that person proposed to you. Right?

Not almost slept with exactly, but would have been willing.

For her - I'll wait. It will still be there later.

Oh god. Was she being punished for the sins in her last life? Or for the sins in this one?

Yep, that's my appetizing lunch. About to come up.

Why the hell do these sort of things happen to me? I love a guy but he loves somebody else. And I have all these guys that I really don't have those feelings for, falling all over me. It's like a broken record of the "Cordettes" - I'm doomed to repeat this same damn routine forever.

* * *

Later that night, Cordelia sipped wine at the table with Groo – her face painted to a glossy finish. Red jewels hung from the lobes of her ears, dangling down to her expertly tousled hair. He’d been half way okay with her avoidance of the subject, especially when she’d told him she was going to seduce him tonight. Like all men, he’d stared at her dumbly with dazed eyes. She hoped she wasn’t lying.

But she hadn’t been lying. Tonight was her test, her final chance to make things right with him. But if she couldn’t make herself want him with the passion she desired… well, she’d just have to tell him things weren’t working out. No harm done. Except there would be, and she knew it and all ready hated herself for it.

Phantom Dennis milled about somewhere, a cool draft brushing against the curtains of the open window. Cordelia watched Groo, the way his jaw worked as he ate hungrily the take out she’d bought. Cook? Even for a seduction, not her. The candle light flickered, one blew out and she shot a warning glance up to a spot on the wall.

Get over it, Dennis. I have.

Dennis didn’t seem to agree.

Cordelia picked at her food. Looking down at it without hunger. When she’d first appeared in this outfit, this look - Groo had stared at her, his blue eyes open and wide. “What a pretty color,” he’d said. “ But I thought your favorite was blue?”

Sorry, Groo. I must have lied about that too.

She felt uncomfortable, under the soundless wave of his brain – where absolutely nothing but quiet happiness and slight nerves played. It’s a lie when people say you spend ninety percent of your time thinking, and the other 10 – doing. In fact, all you were doing when you thought, was categorizing your emotions. Digesting and working through that slight ping in your chest.

At least she was getting used to the mind reading thing, although she’d like to know exactly WHY it was happening to her. But she would walk over a watery grave before she’d run to Angel with her problems right now. She’d tried to talk to Wesley, but he hadn’t believed her, in fact – he’d seemed over come with some other emotion, staring off into space – focused entirely on someone that was not her.

She’d picked up a low resonance of pain from him, but it was bitter sweet. There were no thoughts in this genius of a main. Only segments that connected his eyes to his heart and his heart, to his soul. Fred was walking through the door, in a tidy blue skirt set – humming softly while the light gilded her hair. Gunn was right behind her, his arms weighed down with shopping bags, a dopey grin on his face.

Even if she hadn’t been reading his mind, she’d have known what had caught his eyes. It wasn’t that hard to figure out.

So, she’d just put a gentle hand on his shoulder. Love was a funny thing, except unrequited love didn’t make you laugh nearly as much.

That brought her here, laughing pitifully at Groo’s idle attempts at flattery. He told her jokes that made him choke on his pasta and bored her right out of her mind. But she shouldn’t think that. Shouldn’t be thinking more about the color of her squash, then the glistening quality to his face. Yes, an Angel’s face and all that. Except he wasn’t Angel, and that was the problem. No matter how much she dressed him up, no matter what way she cut his hair – he’d always be Groo, just with shorter hair.

So, where did that leave her? Besides sitting at a table, with a man she couldn’t bring herself to want, to let inside her? What it left her with, was bad food, and one too many guys that she had to deal with.

It’s not like she needed any of them – in fact, the only reason she was HERE with Groo, was because she was lonely. And he was sweet and he cherished her… blah, blah, blah. Welcome to the redundant life of Cordelia Chase, Seer – shove aside – and all around Girl Friday.

The clock ticked on the wall, later that evening. They sat together on the sofa, hands resting together. It didn’t say much for them, that she wanted to pull her hands away and push him off the couch so she could have it all for herself. Or maybe it just didn’t say much for her. She knew that whatever decision she made, it would have to be soon. But she decided she’d rather watch the news. Death, robberies and mayhem. Way to get a girl in the mood. Maybe she was just setting herself up for failure. Looking at his handsome face, cast shifty by the flickering gray lights of the television, she knew without a doubt, that she did not love him like a lover should. And that she never could, not when all she felt for him was pleasant warmth that never heated or cooled.

She was never seared by him.

Huh. Revelation on the tail of the dark and disturbing. Wasn’t life predictable?

Dennis brushed by again, as gentle as a kiss, picking up her glass from the side table. Cordelia whispered a thank you, and for a moment, wondered seriously – if she’d spend the rest of her life with a member of the undead, if not the blood sucking kind. The interplay caught Groo’s wavering attention, and he smiled softly at her.

Sadly, she moved over to him, and brushed her lips against his. But when he tried to deepen the kiss – she pulled back, an apology in her eyes. He looked confused for a minute, before growing apprehensive at the way she was staring at him. Almost as if saying good bye.

“ Groo – “ she began, laying her fingers on his cheek. Her eyes searched his for understanding.

“ Marry me!” Her burst out, clutching her close, so close the air whooshed from her lungs and she struggled against the grasp.

“ Groo…” His eyes shut, lashes resting silently against his cheek bone. In the kitchen, the candles blew out – the fridge opened and closed. Somewhere, in the next house, a woman shouted at her husband, before quieting. Then laughter could be heard.

An array of thoughts cascaded into her, and she wondered yet again, what turned this power on and off. Was it extreme emotion? Or was it just random? One minute, she could tell you what you were thinking and how you were thinking it, the next, she had no clue. It was a frightening lack of power.

And then it all quieted, became still.

“ Please.” He whispered, his grasp loosening – but never letting go. He pressed his trembling face press into her neck and she felt like the biggest bitch in the world. Normally that sensation wouldn’t bother her, but she wasn’t out to hurt Groo. A lamp turned on and the television turned off, Cordelia sensed that Dennis had left the room to give her time to have this talk.

She leaned back. Groo’s face was covered with tear tracks, the kind a boy cries over his first love. She wished this moment wouldn’t shape how he treated every other woman after her. But it would.

“ I think you know all ready, Groo – that the answer isn’t yes.” Cordelia murmured, not unkindly. Groo shook his head, shoving his hand into his pocket and pulled out the black box. This time the sight of it didn’t mess with her perception, but it did make her hurt inside – some distant ache, like the call of thunder. Her feline like features drew into a frown when he opened it and put it beneath her nose.

“Look though! It’s real – I – I got it with that plastic card you use in trade here.” Cordelia’s eyes bulged and her breath backed up. The diamond was huge, it couldn’t have cost less then a grand. Which meant – she was going to have to scrape together enough – oh shit, she’d never scrape it together in time. She opened her mouth to blister him with her tongue, but then she caught that young look on his face again.

And dammit, she’d never kicked a puppy in her life!

“ Groo,” she started again. “ This is really sweet of you.” Caught the look on his face. “ It really is! But you have to know that something between us – just isn’t there. I know what I said I was going to do tonight, but I’ve thought about it…”

“ You don’t,” his breath caught, the miserable glint of a broken ego in his eyes. “ Desire me, do you?”

Think, Cordy. Think. How to make this better?

“ I don’t – not desire you.” She said inanely, trying to bandage the hurt.

“ Good!” He said happily, plucking the ring from the box and sliding it onto her finger before she could yank her hand away from him. She jerked at the foreign feel of it, all ready itching to take it off. But his fingers were clamped over hers, and the pain twisted his face, the desperate need to believe that they were okay, that they were in love.

The laughter next door just highlighted everything that wasn’t right in this living room.

“ Oh, Groo –“ she whispered, tired suddenly. Cordy slipped like water through his hands, moving away to stand near the lamp. Held up the ring to the lights, feeling her eyes blur. “ It doesn’t fit right, can’t you see that?”

He shook his head, covering his ears with his hands. Swallowing, she edged near him, touched his shoulder and pried away his hand.

“ I’m sorry Groo – but I don’t love you.” A hateful cry climbed up his throat, and then he was pulling himself into a ball and sobbing. She held her hands aloft, shocked. take it back, she wanted to say, just to stop his tears. You can have me, no one else wants me anyway. But that would not be fair to either of them, so she just gripped onto his shoulders and dragged him into her lap. He fought at first, but he was weak – so weak, and all he could do was bury his head in her stomach and weep.

She knew the feeling. But she was the comforter her, not the one being comforted.

Cordelia rocked him slightly, whispering that it was okay, he’d move on – things wouldn’t look so bad in the morning. All the while her beautiful dress crumpled under his hand, soaked beneath his tears. Cordelia bit her lip, trying to find the words to make this better.

“ It’s Angel isn’t it?” He croaked – his voice rusty. Cordelia looked sharply down at him. Dennis flicked the lights warningly near by, but she shooed him away with a glance.

“ No, it’s not Angel. Even if he weren’t there Groo,” she looked down at his head of hair, the way his back muscles flinched like a wounded dear beneath his shirt. Once, she’d enjoyed this type of power, now it only wearied her. “ – Even then, you and I, we wouldn’t work out. We’re like Donna Karen and Nikes, we’ll just never be in the same isle.”

She bent and rested her forehead against his shoulder. “ I’m sorry for that. You’ll never know how much. And years later, when you hate me – I’ll still be thinking about you and hoping you’re doing okay. Ya’ know?”

His arms snaked around her waist and squeezed.

“ I don’t know how to be your friend.” He whispered, sounding so lost and alone. And for the first time, in all these weeks, she realized she hadn’t given a thought to what he’d left behind. Sure they’d made light of it the first night he arrived, but he’d left behind a kingdom, the only world he’d ever known, to follow her here. She thought – rolling her head back onto the cushions, frowning deeply, that she hadn’t wanted to think about what he was giving up for her.

“ Maybe – that might be the problem, that we aren’t friends. Jeeze, we barely even know each other. When I marry someone, if I ever do, cause let’s face it, I think I have a real problem with commitment.” She laughed weakly, but he didn’t join in so it petered out abruptly. “I think when that day comes – it’s gonna have to be with someone that I know better than I know myself. That will know me like that. I don’t want castles or big gobs of diamonds. I just want,” Angel. “ A best friend, who would know that my favorite color is red, that I don’t watch the X-files if anyone is around to see me yelling at Mulder to just, ‘take the hell out of her all ready.’ He’s gotta know that I eat peanut butter in bed, and that after I read a magazine, I tear out all the samples of perfume and spend days testing out which one I like best. And he’s gotta wear socks to bed. Cold feet weird me out.”

There was a soft shudder against her, and he sniffled. Cordelia stopped her little speech and spread her fingers through his hair. “ Do you understand Groo? Why we just aren’t ‘IT’?”

“ I could be IT,” he muttered, eyes shining up at her. “ I could.”

Cordy shook her head, touching a gentle finger to his nose.

“ You could be a great IT,” she agreed. “ Just not for me. Ya know?”

His lip trembled and she wondered if he was going to start crying again. But a rough knock interrupted them, and Dennis fluttered by uncertainly. Just from his apprehension, from the way the air became thicker with the phantom’s agitation, she knew it was Angel. And it made her tense up. Groo sat up slowly, glancing with darkening eyes at the door.

“ It’s him isn’t it?” Cordelia shook her head, not sure what to say. His eyes sparked back to hers, filled suddenly with intelligence. She wondered why she couldn’t read his thoughts now. If maybe whatever the hell it was, had worn off. Figures, just when she’d needed it. “ He can’t even give me this, can he? A minute to be left by my Princess?”

She skittered off the couch when he stood and walked toward the door, she grabbed onto his arm, but he dragged her with her.

“ Damn it Groo!” She stepped in front of him, knowing Angel was on the other side and listening. “ He’ll be gone in a minute and we can..”

“ No!” He waved an imperial hand in the air, cutting her off. “ Not this time.”

Cordelia gasped when Groo picked her up and moved her. She was sputtering at his audacity when he jerked the door open and revealed Angel’s gray, set face.

“ I need to talk to Cordelia.” Angel said, trying to step inside. Groo put a firm hand on Angel’s shoulder and pushed him back. Angel glanced disdainfully down at the younger man’s fingers.

“ I don’t think so.” His face had hardened, lost its child like softness. He leaned forward, and whispered so Cordelia couldn’t hear. “ I know what’s going on with you. All you do is look at her, and laugh with her and try to touch her, even when I’m there, you just can’t stay away from her. But you can’t have her, Vampire, and it kills you.”

Angel’s face sharpened, struggled with some inner demon. Then he leaned to Groo’s ear, eyes an unholy yellow.

“ I may be a Vampire, but it was my teeth she was licking earlier.” He pulled back, sneering – saw the destroyed look on the warriors face, and was almost sorry. But he didn’t have time to be, before a large fist plowed into his face and drove him back, down to his knees – where he held is nose and blood spurted between his hands.

Cordelia cried out, stepping forward to try and stop the fight, but an invisible force held her at bay.

“ Dennis! So help me god, if you don’t let me go right his instant, no cable for a week, a month, a damn year! Do you hear me?” Apparently he was ignoring her, because all she could do was stare in horror as Angel’s face changed, and he lunged up at Groo, knocking the man backwards with a left hook so powerful, it sent him crashing into the dining room.

Angel’s glance found her, but stared at her blankly as she tried to push against Dennis’s hold. “ Damn it, Dennis!”

Groo was back up, his shoulder plowing into Angel’s stomach and knocking him into the wall – where the plaster cracked and shook. Neither noticed as they pounded on each other, crashing into brick and stone, crumbling it between their weight and the force of their blows.

Cordelia winced when she saw flesh bruise and tear, clothes rip and blood begin spilling like sweat down they’re skin. The couch was their next victim, Angel was thrown against it and the legs broke off sending it crashing to the ground, giving Angel momentum to hop up and charge Groo.

How had this all begun? Oh yeah, she’d beat the crap out of Groo’s heart. How the hell had she expected him to act? But THIS? And god damn it, another thing to blame herself for. Frantically, she clawed at invisible arms, but they were strong and loving and held her in place, moving her every now and then as the fight came near.

She wanted to strike out at them both, pound on them until they stopped and listened to her screaming.

They were tangled in a parody of an embrace when Angel drove his forehead into Groo’s knocking him back and to the floor where he laid dazed, blood running down and across his face.

Angel stood there for a moment, gazing down at Groo who was struggling to get back up and continue the fight, but was breathing hard from exertion, knees giving out. And then Angel’s eyes were caught by one of Cordelia’s movements, just a shift of her hand, lamplight glinting off of something – a ring. An engagement ring. And suddenly, he understood all too well just what he’d interrupted. The world stopped – went off kilter, turned freakish and wrong, where everything in it was meant to hurt him and tear him to shreds. So lost, he didn’t realize he’d let out the sound of a dying animal, he tore his eyes away from Cordelia’s pale face, and he fell on Groo, smashing his fist into the man’s face, repeatedly, until his knuckles were sore – blinded to anything but his rage and his pain.

Cordelia stood frozen; skin shivering in fear. She tried to speak, tried to yell – but her voice was caught in a net somewhere, useless.

Angel was no longer a man. He was not a vampire. He was just flesh and blood that had been snagged over concentrated fury.

Minutes, seconds later – he felt a hand pushing at his shoulder, as weak as a baby, a feathers touch. Angel was thrown back into him self, his brain swallowing it’s bitter pill. Into the world where there was right and wrong, and the line between them could be drawn as thickly as it liked. For a second, Angel stared dumbly down at the man below him; Groo’s face was bloody, swollen and raw. Guilt ate up his insides, wiggling and tearing the flesh of his stomach into shreds.

Angel slid away from Groo, fell over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. From the corner of his eye, he saw Cordelia being freed from Dennis’s hold, tripping over broken glass and cutting her knees on it in her haste to get to the fallen man. She was crying, large – silent tears that he knew she didn’t know about. She wasn’t the type to cry, so it must be bad.

And as she kneeled over Groo, held his head in her hands and asked him if he could speak – Angel listened to two heart beats, one pumping heavy and hard, the other a fitful pattern of pain.

Even in all that – one stupid thought circled in his brain as he watched them through swollen eyelids.

Cordelia looked so pretty in that dress, crumpled as it was. Red. Her favorite color.

Continue on...