Title: The Spark
Author: Ophelia
Posted: 05-20-2002
Rating: PG13
Email:
Content:
Summary:
Spoilers: Uhm, general season three
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Florrie can have it, anyone else...just ask.
Notes: Takes place after Double or Nothing but before the Connor stuff got all messed up again. I don't know....work with me. It's been awhile since I wrote a multi-parter, so forgive the roughness.
Feedback: And and all kinds welcome (who am I kidding? NEEDED!)
Dedication: Dedication: To Princess Twilite, who molested my muse (this is an answer to a challenge....sort of)Part 1
He smelled her scent wafting down the stairs before he heard her. Grinning slightly, he lowered his book a little as he pretended to continue reading. By now he could hear her light footsteps and knew it was only a matter of time before her voice pierced the silence of the room with whatever abrupt and slightly bizarre thing she would say as she entered. Angel briefly wondered when her talking had ceased to be an irritation… when his instincts had shifted from hiding from her never-ending words to seeking them out like a homing beacon.
Her scent was stronger now, and he bit back a smile as he buried his nose in his book, all the while waiting – anticipating the inevitable tightening in his chest that always accompanied her presence….
“Hey Angel, I was wondering…can Groo take your…”
“NO”
Glowering, Angel refused to give into his desire to look at her and sank lower in his chair, beginning to take back every thought he had just had about her words no longer being an irritation. Lately, all it took was one magic word from her for him to shut her off completely. Angel knew she didn’t like it, that she grew angrier with him every time he did it, but he simply didn’t care. Hearing the word “Groo” was like hitting his internal mute button.
“Excuse me?”
Sighing, Angel realized a rather angry woman was now burning a hole into the side of his head with her glare. Knowing he’d regret it, he hazarded a glance in her direction.
Cordelia stood violently still, arms crossed, eyebrows raised. Realizing his glance was about as much acknowledgement as she was likely to get, she hurried on.
“So we aren’t even letting me finish sentences anymore before blowing me off, are we?”
Unconsciously mimicking her facial expression, Angel raised an eyebrow in return. “We? Who?”
Her eyes narrowed dangerously as she realized he was going to play games with her. “You, dumbass. ‘WE’ is YOU. What is your problem lately?”
Casually turning the page of his book, Angel returned his gaze downward. “I don’t know what you are talking about, Cordelia.”
Infuriated by his casual stance and tone, Cordelia watched him in silence for a few seconds before turning and walking away without another word.
Sensing her retreating form, Angel glanced up quickly, a scowl deepening across his forehead. All of his senses were screaming in protest at the loss of her presence despite his stony exterior. He knew he had cut her off, thus pissing her off. He also knew that the next logical step should be Hurricane Cordelia, and so he had battened down his hatches and prepared to ride the storm out.
Sure, it was a juvenile cycle, spawned from his immature need to refuse to share anything at all with the Pylean warrior, but it was their cycle--one they had been playing out for weeks now. Or at least they had been until now. Cordelia retreating was not a part of the deal.
Alarmed, he followed her movements, watching as she poured herself a cup of coffee before sitting down gently at her desk. It wasn’t her actions that were concerning Angel, it was the complete lack of irritation on her face. She was sitting calmly at her desk, seemingly without a care in the world. Slowly closing his book, Angel continued to watch her through hooded eyes. This wasn’t good. She wasn’t playing their game, and as much as he didn’t want to fight with her, the thought that they no longer had something that was theirs, a dysfunctional routine all their own, gnawed at him.
The arrival of Fred and Gunn momentarily drew his gaze away from her until he realized they were once again having a nauseatingly sweet argument about food. Grimacing for a whole new reason, Angel set his book down and quickly stood up.
“Hey guys”
Fred smiled hugely at him while Gunn merely nodded in Angel’s direction before returning his adoring gaze back towards the woman in front of him. Fred giggled as Gunn’s arms wrapped around her waist and Angel sighed. Gunn was so whipped.
Running a hand through his hair, he made his way over towards Cordelia’s desk. He stood there petulantly for a few minutes while she thoroughly ignored his presence. He fidgeted slightly before leaning over her to pick up a file on the shelf behind her.
Having heard his none too subtle sighs for the last few minutes, Cordelia wasn’t surprised in the least when Angel leaned half over her desk to pick up what she knew was a completely empty folder. She knew he was confused, and she was guessing from the amount of oxygen coming out of his dead lungs that he was a little hurt too. But most importantly, she knew she didn’t give a damn.
“Cordy, I…..”
Angel has just begun his pre-stammering warm up when he was interrupted by what sounded like a large muppet making its way down the Hyperion stairs. That noise could only mean one thing. Sliding his hands into his pockets, Angel began to mutter without turning around.“….and the hero returns….”
Cordelia heard Angel, but chose to ignore him. Rising quickly she shot around his dark form to intercept Groo, who was making his way to the office area.
“Groo! Your back!” And with a little glance at the trio standing in the office area, she plastered a smile on her face and talked through her teeth “And so soon, too!”
Oblivious to the tension coming from her, Groo nodded with a small grin. “Yes, princess, I have returned to you.” The happiness left his face as he continued to speak, “However, I was unable to fulfill my quest. The man at the store told me that he knew of no one in the city who carried the product of which you spoke.”
Angel’s ears perked up as he listened to their conversation. He wouldn’t have found it that intriguing, Cordelia was always sending her boy-toy out on fetching errands, but her growing discomfort was obvious.
A smile still frozen on her face, she began to speak again, her voice coming out artificially light. “Oh! Well, that’s OK. We’ll get ‘em next time slugger!” Patting him on the shoulder, Cordelia began to direct him towards the stairs once again, “Now why don’t you head on back to my place and we’ll talk as soon as I get home.”
But as quickly as she had directed him towards the door, Groo had begun to backpedal. “But princess, I know how important this is to you! I am not worthy to return to your bed until I have completed the task you have given me!”
Angel had been enjoying this little exchange right up until the mention of Cordelia’s bed. Leaving his hands in his pockets, he made himself walk casually over to the duo. With a grin as fake as Cordelia’s, Angel addressed Groo for the first time in days. “So, what are you looking for? Maybe I can help you out. I like to think I know the city pretty well.”
His eyes perking up, Groo began to nod towards Angel, “Yes! That is a good plan. What I am looking for, you see, is…”
Feeling inexplicably panicked, Cordelia interrupted. “Now, now! Groo, you know you wouldn’t feel like you had really done this yourself if you let Angel do all the work.”
Perplexed, he began to nod at her instead of Angel. “Yes, I see your point.”
Without thinking, Angel reached out to grab Groo’s arm as he interrupted, “But, I wouldn’t do the work. How is telling me about your mission any different than asking the man at the store for help?”
His head only pausing for a moment before he resumed his nodding at Angel, Groo raised his hand to Angel’s shoulder. “Right you are, my fellow champion. So, what I am looking for is…”
Jumping between them, Cordelia brushed their arms away from each other. “But hey! That’s the point! You aren’t just asking some Joe-Schmo a question. Angel is a champion, so there are different rules, right?”
“Cordelia” Angel’s voice was threatening but she ignored it.
“I mean, if I wanted dumbass, here, to do it for me” she continued as she hooked a thumb towards Angel, “I would have asked him, now wouldn’t I?”
At this point Angel’s curiosity was about to eat him alive. Groo was simply looking between them like a deer caught in the headlights while Cordelia was desperately trying to contain the blush that was threatening to creep up her neck at any moment.
Angel was just about to respond when a bright flash of light seemed to explode across the hotel lobby. Fred shrieked as Gunn gripped her to his chest, while Cordelia instinctively went towards Angel. Without thinking he wrapped one arm around her waist while reaching for a weapon the other. Groo was the only one who had not jumped, but had immediately frozen into battle stance.
They all remained still, looking around quietly. Gunn was the first to speak.
“What the hell was that?”
Before any of them could answer, they saw Lorne sweep in through the front doors. Pausing when he saw everyone frozen, he took off his hat and cocked his head as he looked at the scene before him.
“Well now, isn’t this an interesting, not to mention, symbolic tableaux?”
Angel’s eyes continued to dart around the lobby as he responded. “Lorne, you need to be careful. Something just happened in here….”
Seemingly without a care in the world, Lorne swept his coat off and continued his path into the lobby. “Yeah. Today’s the 10th, right? That was just the monthly re-new on the no violence protection from the Furies.”
“Oh”
The simple statement spoken by Fred seemed to sum up all their feelings, as they all began to look a little sheepish. Rolling her eyes, Cordelia pulled away from Angel quickly. “Well, would you look at us? We’ve been fighting demons for how long? But for some reason we’re as jumpy as a bunch of frat boys at a gay pride parade.”
Shrugging, Fred remained glued to Gunn. “Well, who can blame us what with all the dimension hopping going on around here lately.”
Cordelia merely rolled her eyes as she walked over to Groo, who was still frozen in his state of preparation. Patting one of his bulky biceps, she then gestured for him to put his weapons down. “All right, coast is clear. You can put the weapons down now.”
Groo’s eyes darted over to meet hers, but otherwise he remained motionless. “But princess, we do not know for sure if there is truly no danger. I must be prepared to defend you at all times. I cannot serve you well if I do not keep my observation skills sharp.”
“Groo, the only thing sharp about you are your weapons.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, Cordelia’s eyes widened with shock. She could hear Gunn snickering behind her, and she could see Angel’s shocked smirk out of the corner of her eye. Putting her hand over her mouth, her wide eyes met Groo’s confused gaze.
“Princess?”
Hugging him quickly, Cordelia continued to shake her head dazedly. “Groo, just ignore me. I have no idea what made me say that.”
“I do!”
Everyone in the room turned to look at Fred who seemed to be in her own little world as she twirled her ponytail.
“I mean, let’s face it. He’s not the brightest bulb in the bunch, not the quickest horse on the track, and really….I don’t think he can tell his head from his asMMPF!”
Gunn’s hand over Fred’s mouth was the only thing that interrupted her little monologue. Everyone else seemed once again frozen in shock. Cordelia, who was still angry with herself for what she had said, decided to take out her frustration on the only other target available.
“Fred! Shut the hell up! What’s your problem?”
His eyes narrowing over Cordy’s harsh tone and Fred’s subsequent flinching, Gunn took a few steps towards Cordelia. “Hey, don’t be talking to my girl like that. She didn’t say anything you didn’t already say.” He had been planning on stopping there, so even he was surprised when his mouth kept going. “Sides, not like it ain’t true! Look at ‘em, he don’t even know what we’re talking about.”
A quick glance told Cordelia that Gunn was right, Groo looked confused but unhurt, but somehow that wasn’t the point.
“Whatever! I don’t want you to….”
Finally sick of watching the scene unfold, Angel stepped between Cordelia and Gunn. “Cordy, Groo’s a big boy. He can defend himself. This is an idiotic thing to be fighting about.”
Cordelia continued to scowl at Fred and Gunn. Reaching over to pick up his jacket, Gunn began to shove his arms in the sleeves. “Let’s get out of here, baby. I think these three have got issues we don’t want any part of.”
Somehow Fred managed to look simultaneously tense and amused as she threaded her hand with Gunn’s. “Ooh! I know just what you mean. If they were any more oblivious I think they’d all get lost on the way to the basement.” She giggled, “Can we go get breakfast? I’m starving!”
Angel’s scowl grew to match Cordelia’s as he watched Gunn smirk, but he didn’t realize he was speaking until the sentence was half out of his mouth. “Oh by all means, because I’m sure there’s an Waffle House somewhere in this town that’s been hoping all morning for a live sex show.”
Cordelia’s shriek of laughter was the last thing Angel heard before he landed face down on the floor. Gripping is jaw slightly, he looked up at Gunn who was now rubbing his now red knuckles with his other hand. “You wanna say that again?”
Part 2
Angel was back on his feet before the words were completely out of Gunn’s mouth. Forcing himself to quit rubbing his jaw, Angel shook his head slightly.
“Fred, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
Gunn continued to glare at Angel until a loud “Pbbbbthhhhh” echoed through the lobby. He turned to look at its source, who had just propped herself up on counter. Cordelia refused to flinch under the fierceness of his gaze, “Please. Like we weren’t all thinking it.”
Alarmed at the deathly look on Gunn’s face and Cordelia’s apparent obliviousness to it, Fred walked over and placed a hand on her boyfriend’s chest. “Charles, please. Let’s just go. I think everyone’s just a little testy this morning, that’s all.” Sliding her hand down to his once again, she began to tug him to the door not noticing that her mouth was still going, “Besides, there was that one time in the IHOP bathroom….”
“Fred!”
She stopped in her path towards the door abruptly and turned to look at the stunned people around her. Even Gunn seemed to be blushing.
“Uhm….did I just say that out loud?” Her face began to flame.
Looking around the room, Lorne replayed the last 5 minutes in his head. He knew things had been kind of tense lately, but these auras were doing something funky. It was like the boundaries of their colors were melting as the minutes went by. Putting the pieces of the puzzle together, Lorne began to rub his temple. “Oh dear”
Cordelia opened her mouth to respond but he quickly waved her off. “No, sweetie, I don’t think you wanna open that mouth until I say what I have to say.” With a quick survey of the other people in the room, he began to nod to himself “In fact, I’m pretty sure none of you are gonna want to open your mouths any time soon.”
Hopping down from the counter, Cordelia crossed her arms, “Lorne…” but she was quickly silenced with a raised eyebrow from the green demon.
“So remember how I told you the Furies were doing the anti-violence spell?”
Fred began to respond when Gunn slapped a hand over her mouth and merely nodded.
Lorne shrugged. “Weeeellll, I’m thinking there might have been a little mix-up in the factory.”
“Lorne.” Angel’s voice came out low and threatening.
Lorne let out a little laugh. “Well, it’s really kind of funny if you think about it. Instead of erecting a few mystical barriers for us, I’m afraid they may have accidentally taken down a few.”
Cordelia merely blinked and looked unimpressed. “Meaning?”
“Well, kitten, if you think about it, it’s kind of easy to see how it would happen. I mean, you switch a few words around, use a little ying instead of a whole lot of yang, and kaplooey! Restraints are gone.” Seeing that his companions were not amused, he decided to get blunt. “So, basically? We got a truth spell.”
Lorne’s big announcement was met with complete and utter silence.
“Oh, so now you give me the big silence.” He smirked, “Now how’d I know that would shut you all up?”
Cordelia looked at Angel and Groo wearily before hesitantly opening her mouth. “So everything that comes out of our mouths from now on can only be the truth?” Seeing his nod, she continued, almost as if talking to herself. “Well then, if we just keep our mouths shut until you go and get this fixed we shouldn’t have a problem…” her eyes narrowed at Lorne, “…now should we?”
Chuckling, Lorne plopped himself down on the circular couch. “You wish, dollface. I’m afraid it’s a bit more complicated then that. It’s more like a ‘compulsion to tell the truth’ spell.” Seeing their blank looks, he continued. “You know those little afterthoughts you always think in your head but never say out loud? Well, let’s just say that Groo’s muscles aren’t going to be the only thing popping out around here.”
Fred and Gunn looked at each other. When she nodded at him despite the fact that he hadn’t said a word, he headed for the door. “Yeah, well, we’re out of here.”
They had no sooner exited then Cordelia began to rapidly grab her coat and purse as well.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa pixiecat. I may have let the first two get out, but I can’t let you go anywhere.” He turned to look sternly at Groo and Angel, “Any of you.”
Angel fidgeted as he tried to stamp down his panic at the rising implications of the situation. “Why?”
He didn’t bat an eye. “Because if you do, your head will explode after 30 minutes.”
Panicked, Cordelia looked towards the door that Gunn and Fred had exited. “ANGEL!”
“Kidding, kidding! Geesh. Can’t take a little mystical humor? Tough crowd!” Rolling his eyes, Lorne continued. “Actually, it’s a little more basic and a lot more weird than that. I won’t bother going into all the technical mumbo jumbo of the why, but basically? Once you leave the place where this spell has been cast, you can’t come back.”
Throwing on his coat, Angel went to stand next to Cordy by the door. “So we leave and don’t come back until they release the spell”
Lorne shook his head, “Sorry kiddos. It doesn’t work like that. You either stay put now or your nice little hotel will have to be renamed HonestyLand permanently, not to mention the added complication of having offices you aren’t allowed into. You gotta stay put until I get the Furies on the phone and clear this up.”
Cordelia shook her head, “No. NO. This can’t be the way this works. What the hell kind of rules are those? I think your just making this up as you go.” She continued to glare as she muttered, “Technical Mumbo Jumbo, my ass.”
Lorne smiled slightly, “I understand your frustration, not to mention panic, chickadee. And I’m not vouching for my girls’ sobriety level when they made this little ditty up, but don’t kill the messenger. I’m just telling you what’s what.”
Cordelia took her coat off and threw it down in disgust. “Angel, DO something!”
He glared at her as he stalked back over to the office area, “Don’t look at me. You’re the one with the powers that just seem to keep popping up as we need them.”
“Damn it! Angel! I don’t think this is going to be solved by me glowing. Why don’t you just take your…”
Cordelia halted in her tirade abruptly when a throat was cleared behind her. She turned to look at Groo. Once again, she didn’t realize she had spoken until the words were already our of her mouth, “Damn, I forgot you were still here.”
Groo took in her words with a mere blink. “May I speak?”
Lorne crossed his legs, “Oh, please do.” Then he turned to Angel, “You know, remarkably, his aura’s the only one that hasn’t changed a bit.”
Continuing to look at them all seriously, Groo spoke softly. “ I do not understand the panic I sense from you, my princess, and Angel. Am I to understand that the truth is something to feared in this dimension?” He looked around as though searching for confirmation. “Do you usually speak untruths to one another? Why should your true thoughts and feelings be something to fear?”
Angel and Cordelia glanced at one another briefly before quickly looking away, but Lorne’s smile grew.
“Now, that, my buff young man, is a great question!”
Cordelia walked over to put a soothing hand on his arm. “Groo, it isn’t…..it isn’t….it isn’t….” Unable to get the rest of the sentence out of her mouth, Cordelia blanched as a thought occurred to her. How was she going to explain things away to Groo if she couldn't use her repertoire of little white lies?
Watching her struggle, Angel grinned despite himself. This should be good.
Taking a deep breath, Cordelia tried again. “Groo, we aren’t afraid of the….of the…. DAMN IT!” Forgetting the soothing hand she had placed on his arm, she walked past him to kick the weapons cabinet.
Groo frowned. “Princess?”
Cordelia whipped around, “Look, none of us tell the absolute truth all the time. We all tell little lies to each other all the time.” She glared at Angel, “And some of us tell big lies all the time.”
Angel looked back mildly, “You would know.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Forgetting Groo’s presence once again, she walked around him to raise an eyebrow at Angel.
Angel remained casual, leaning up against the counter. “Oooh, I don’t know. I’m fine ring any bells?”
Cordelia took a few steps closer. “Please! You cannot be comparing that to you trying to lose your soul ON PURPOSE!”
Angel’s eyes darkened as he stood up straighter, “Cor, you were DYING and you didn’t tell me!”
They were nose to nose, their audience forgotten, as Cordelia spit out her next words, “SO? What’s the big deal? I was supposed to feel like confiding in you while you busy off boffing the undead?”
“The big deal, Cordy, is that everything was supposed to be OK between us again. Don’t you get it? I got you back. I lost you and I got you back and you didn’t tell me that I was going to lose you again, only this time for good! The big deal is that I’m more afraid of you dying that YOU are and you refuse to understand that!”
Angel’s last words, ended on a shout, continued to echo through the lobby.
Part 3
The silence in the room was deafening.
She didn’t know when it had happened, but Cordelia found herself suddenly blinking back tears. Angel’s wrath seemed somewhat deflated by his outburst, but his eyes were still smoldering. Their eyes were only drawn apart when Groo spoke again.
“I see.”
Cordelia sighed as she shut her eyes briefly before turning to face him once again. “You see what, Groo?”
However, he said nothing as he looked at her sadly while Lorne gazed at him sympathetically, “You aren’t the only one, sugar.”
Biting her lip tight enough to be painful, Cordelia managed to glare at the men who surrounded her before storming into Angel’s office and slamming the doors behind her. They all stared at the closed portal for a few moments. Angel was still lost in his thoughts when Groo turned to him.
“I did not realize.”
Angel didn’t move. “You don’t realize a lot of things.” Pausing he turned slightly, his voice softer. “I’m sorry. What didn’t you realize?”
Groo didn’t blink. “That you love her. Perhaps as much as I do.”
Lorne watched as Angel regarded the other man, his face not changing expressions. It was a few moments before Angel turned his attention back towards the office door. “Of course I love her.” He looked down briefly before continuing, his words sounding pained, “And I know her in ways you never will, so don’t even try comparing my feelings to yours. You don’t get who she is… you never have.”
Flinching, Lorne realized that for the first time Groo looked angry. His voice came out loud and challenging.
“You question my love for my princess?”
Angel shook his head as he turned and looked at the man who had been made to look so much like him. “No, not at all. I question your love for Cordelia. She’s not who you think she is.”
Abruptly standing, Lorne sauntered between the two glaring men. “Wellll, I think that’s my cue to get on the telley and try to do something about our little situation.
***********
Cordelia sat behind Angel’s desk trying to take deep breaths. This situation was bad on so many levels, she didn’t even know where to start. For someone who had always prided herself on speaking the truth, for being the queen of no tact, the thought of having her every thought bared to the world scared her. Placing her arms on the desk, she threw her head down on them.
“When did I get so lame?” A small spark of something lit in her stomach. “This is ridiculous! Cordelia Chase isn’t afraid to speak her mind.” Sitting back up she sighed, “Though apparently she has begun to speak in the third person.”
She spent a few seconds sitting in relative silence before a look of resolution flickered across her face. Standing up, she slammed her hands down on the desktop. “I’ll just go out there and say whatever the hell I want and they can just damn well like it.” Striding around the desk, her steps were rapid until she neared the door. Slowly puttering to a stop in front of it, she silently cursed. Walking back, she plopped down on top of the desk.
The spark in her stomach had moved to her chest and shifted somehow. There was something else about this that was scaring her. Something more then the endless bitchy comments that she’d reigned in a bit sense high school, but that had never completely left her thoughts. What was she afraid would slip out? Was it possible she could be lying about something and not even know it? For the first time she let her thoughts go down a path that she’d always refused to travel before. What was it that was scaring her so much? She’d just begun to ponder it when Groo’s loud voice interrupted her thoughts.
“You question my love for my princess?”
Hopping up quickly off her perch, she tiptoed to the door to listen. She heard Angel’s voice. It was soft but determined.
“No, not at all. I question your love for Cordelia. She’s not who you think she is.”
The dull fire in her chest exploded at the words, and she winced at the physical pain. It was as if a part of her died hearing him speak the words that had always been her deepest fear: that deep down she wasn’t worthy of the love Groo had offered her without reserve.
Noticing the moisture falling on her hand, she suddenly found she could no longer blink back her tears. Mortified and frozen, she stood behind the door with tears just beginning to make their way down her sun-darkened cheeks. She wondered how she’d ever be able to go out there and face them. She wondered how she could look Angel in the eye, knowing that he thought Groo could never know and love the real her. She wondered…. “OWWWWW!!!! DAMN IT!”…..if she’d ever have feeling again in her right shoulder.
Peaking out from behind the now open door, Angel gave her a small sheepish smile. “Uhhh, so you were standing there?”
She blinked, her misery momentarily forgotten in her annoyance. “Does the word ‘DUH’ mean anything to you?” Glaring, she rubbed her shoulder.
Angel’s face fell when he noticed her tears, however, and his expression became one of horror. “Cor, are you OK?” He rushed over to push at her red, angry skin. “How hard did I hit you?”
Shaking him off, she rolled her eyes. “I’m fine. It’s fine. No, you didn’t hit me hard enough to cause tears, alright?”
His eyes darkened as he refused to be shaken away. Gripping at it slightly, he scowled. “And why should I believe you when you say it’s fine? You always say that.” When his question was met with silence, he glanced up. Cordelia looked as though she were seeing a world class moron for the first time. Instinctively, Angel turned to see when Groo had joined them. Frowning, he realized they were still alone.
“Two words, Angel. TRUTH. SPELL.”
He blinked and looked at her blankly.
“I take it back. Three words, Angel. TRUTH. SPELL. DUMBASS.” Sighing, she shoved him away with more force.
“Oh. Well…..yeah. Ok, then.” Angel backed away, suddenly feeling vulnerable. In his rush to make sure she was OK, he’d forgotten why he’d come in the room in the first place. He’d just opened his mouth to explain his presence when another, painfully obvious thought occurred to him. “Wait. Hold on. If I didn’t make you cry, then why are you crying?”
The words were coming, and Cordelia knew she couldn’t stop them. All she could do was refuse to meet his eyes. “I said your door stunt didn’t hurt that badly, I didn’t say you didn’t make me cry.”
Angel blanched as if he’d been struck, but he didn’t have time to respond. The words continued to pour out of Cordelia as if an internal dam had broken. And if the look in her eye was any indication, she knew there was no stopping it.
“I heard you.” The betrayal on her face was unmistakable. “I heard what you said to the only man who has ever loved me unconditionally. You don’t think he loves me. You don’t think he could love me, not if he really knew me.” The sudden defeat in her eyes created a dull ache in Angel’s chest. “Is it supposed to make me feel good that my best friend can’t imagine a man who could put up with me?” Tears built up and threatened to spill again as her voice grew harsher, “I know, OK? I know I’m not the perfect princess he thinks I am, but why do you want to take that away from me? It may not be the truth….” A single tear escaped down her cheek as she leaned against the desk in despair, “…but Angel, it’s all I have.”
When Angel spoke, his voice was impossible soft. “He’s not the man who loves you unconditionally.” His tone became firmer as the words continued to come, unbidden. “And I’m not trying to take anything away from you. You don’t love him. You’re deluding yourself because your hormones tell you he’s the man of your dreams.”
Tucking a stray blonde hair behind her ear, Cordelia shot up and interrupted him. “My hormones? My hormones don’t have anything to do with……don’t have anything to do with….” Her voice faded as she suddenly realized her problem. Angel realized it at the same time, and he began to smirk.
“You were saying?”
She looked at him, her voice deathly even. “I don’t think I have ever wanted to hit someone this much in my entire life.” She cocked an eyebrow, “And considering that I dated Xander Harris, was impregnated twice with demon spawn, and became the elephantman vision girl there for awhile…..that’s saying something.”
Angel’s smirk remained in place. “So tell me you love him, Cordy. That’s all you have to do.”
“Why do you even care?”
When he didn’t answer, she walked over to him, stopping when their faces were inches apart. Taking a deep breath, she willed the words to come out. “I’m in love with The Groosalug.”
Angel’s smile froze into a horrible sneer of confusion and disbelief. “That can’t be true.”
Walking quickly past Angel, who seemed to be frozen in shock, Cordelia shot out the office door. Reaching the counter, she gripped it with both hands. Looking up, she spoke to no one in particular. “I’m in love with the Groosalug?”
It was only the sound of chuckling that drew her attention again. Looking over, she saw Lorne quietly perched in Angel’s corner reading chair. “Let me guess, you forgot we were here again?”
She looked around the lobby, “Where’s Groo?”
Crossing and recrossing his legs, Lorne seemed to ponder her question. Finally he got up and walked over to where she stood with her arms crossed protectively in front of her. “Your boy-toy’s in the basement watching for the arrival of the floaty fix-it crew. But that’s not the point is it? You don’t really care where he is as long as he’s not in your ever-changing hair. Am I right?”
“Yeah.” Cordelia frowned after the syllable slipped out of her mouth. “Geez, I hate this.”
“Oh honey, I feel ya. There’s never a good time for the truth to come aknockin’, but I must say, it’s especially hard for the citizens of your kingdom, Cleo.”
Cordelia just looked at him, unamused.
“Oh come on!” Lorne put his hands on his hips, “Don’t tell me that wasn’t a little clever. Egypt? Cleopatra? Queen of De-Nile?? Pshaw.” He shrugged. “Ok, ok. So its about as original as Micheal Jackson’s nose, but still. You got my point, didn’t ya?”
She walked back over to her desk, “Lorne, the day I know what you are talking about is the day I see the softer side of Sears.”
Lorne looked over at Angel who was now standing sullenly in the doorway before returning his gaze to Cordelia. “Uh-huh. Well good thing you bought yourself a pair of shoes there last week then, huh? I’d hate to be misunderstood.”
Blushing, Cordelia sat down at her desk in a huff. “They were on sale!”
Shaking his head, Lorne headed towards the basement. “If ever you two kids needed to be alone to talk, I’m thinking it’s now.”
Angel’s voice came out low, “We don’t have anything to talk about.”
Waving a dismissive hand in the air, Lorne continued in his path. “Oh, course you do. Because apparently Cordelia knows deep down what I know, which is that a Pylean title is only as good as your last victory…..or in this case defeat. Now behave yourselves.”
The sound of the basement door shutting echoed through the lobby like a gunshot. Angel’s eyes grew large as he turned to regard the woman sitting not five feet away from him.
Cordelia began to massage her temples. “Remind me to kill him once he fixes the hotel.”
Part 4
His mind whirling, Angel watched Cordelia rub furiously at her temples as if that would make all her troubles go away. Thinking back on her words, spoken just moments ago, that had felt like a knife in his chest, Angel could think of only one thing to say.
"You didn't say Groo"
Spinning her chair around so he was left with a clear view of her back, Cordelia seemed intent on ignoring him. Mesmerized by her reaction, Angel repeated himself, this time a little louder.
"You didn't say Groo."
Cordelia finally glanced at him, rolling her eyes. "No, dumbass, I didn't. But if you'll recall, Groo is short for Groosalug. And I do believe that' s what I said."
Angel's eyes narrowed as he listened to her. "I'm not a dumbass, Cordelia, and maybe it's about time you figured that out."
Raising an eyebrow at his abrupt change in tone, she watched him walk closer to her desk and continue to speak.
"Maybe you need to remember for once that you aren't talking to some smitten 16 year old boy.."
Interrupting his momentum, she interjected, "Well then maybe you should quit acting like one!"
Her outburst silenced them both for the same reason. Angel had no idea Cordelia had noticed his behavior, and honestly, she hadn't consciously realized it either. Angel seemed frozen in the path he had been taken towards her, his eyes growing large.
"I'm not...I'm not...I don't know what you are..what you're..."
And suddenly she realized that Angel was where she had been all morning-and Cordelia couldn't help it, she smirked. In fact, she was so busy enjoying his discomfort, her mind quickly glazed over the meaning behind the words he couldn't speak. Batting her eyes softly, her words came out soft and smooth.
"Problem, Angel?"
He glared at her before slamming the empty file on her desk. "I'm not..I'm not...Dammit! I'm not..16!" And with that, he walked sullenly over to the counter with as much dignity as he could muster.
Cordelia's eyes darkened for a moment as she watched his movements. "No, you most certainly are not 16."
Angel either didn't hear her remark, or ignored it, because his next words seemed to have no connection to their conversation. Turning back around abruptly, his eyes burned into hers.
"What did you send Groo to get this morning?"
Though she was surprised by his change in tactics, Cordelia was not unprepared. She had sensed the wheels turning in his head and wasn't naïve enough to think that he had so quickly forgotten Lorne's lovely little revelation. Still, she bit her tongue for a moment before she allowed her mouth to open.
"I sent him to get something I wanted." Her eyes left his and went to the floor as her voice got softer, "Something I needed."
She didn't look up, so she wasn't prepared for the closeness of his voice when he next spoke. "What did you need, Cor?" The words were soft and strong in her ear.
"Something..something.." Her voice came out like a sigh, "I needed something to forget."
Almost flinching when she felt his hand lightly brushing across her shoulder blades, she instead crossed her arms tightly across her chest. It was the only defensive move she could make without actually moving away from him- something she couldn't quite bring herself to do.
All his earlier confusion and insecurity melted away as Angel felt her tremble slightly under his touch. All he could feel was the warmth of her skin, all he could smell was the scent of her hair, and all he could hear was the rapid beating of her heart that was almost drowning out the softness of her words. Forgetting any of the confusion and fear the woman in front of him might be feeling, he could only focus on the hope he felt coursing through his veins. He felt a little drunk on it.
It was an unfamiliar feeling, but he liked it.
Sweeping a hand through her soft hair, pulling it away from her ear, he leaned in a little closer. "Forget what, Cor?"
And suddenly he could also smell the tears she was trying desperately to keep at bay. She turned just slightly so that her cheek rested in the palm of his hand. After looking into his eyes for a few moments, she blinked and he saw her face grow into a mask of resignation.
And it was then that he realized he felt like he had won.
That he didn't like.
Seeing the confusion return to his eyes, Cordelia shook her head slightly as she pulled away, answering his question as she went. "Everything, Angel. I wanted to forget everything."
"Everything?"
The bewilderment in his voice revealed his inability to accept the full meaning of her words. After a few moments of unearthly silence, he turned and saw her standing at the lobby doors, looking out into the sunlight with a wistful expression. When she spoke again, he wasn't even sure who she was addressing.
"I saw it coming, you know. After 18 years of being me, did you really think I couldn't see a crush when one was staring me in the face? But I ignored it, because that's what you do to make them go away. You pretend you don't see the looks, you never acknowledge the touches, and you never ever talk about it."
She looked at him then, and he saw that she had lost the battle with her tears. Her eyes met his, accusing him, "You ignore it and it goes away."
Fighting an endless battle with the thoughts swarming his head, Angel voiced what would have normally been a fleeting thought process.
"Go away? But, but..you said that you were in love with the Groosalug. And I beat him. I could have killed him, but I didn't and I won and that makes me him." He took a small, frantic step towards her. "And you were there and you knew what I didn't know. He wasn't undefeated anymore. You love him but he's me."
When Cordelia merely blinked at him and turned back towards the door, he took another step, his voice taking on a desperate edge.
"He's ME."
Lightly hitting her head on the door frame, Cordelia sighed. "Angel, you do realize you're suddenly talking like Fred, right?
He shook his head as though shaking off her inconsequential words, "You love me and you wanted to forget? You knew how I felt about you and you wanted it to go away?" His eyes darkened dangerously as he stalked the rest of the way towards her. Grabbing her arm and pulling her away from the sunlit doorway down into the darkness of the lobby with him, Angel tried to control his panic-driven anger.
"You love me."
There was no question in his voice.
The physical pressure on her arm merged with the pain in her chest, and something inside of Cordelia snapped.
"Of course I love you! But I never wanted to, Angel. I never wanted to."Part 5
He dropped her arm as if he’d been burned. His mouth opened a few times as if to say something, but in the end, nothing came out. He’d been given everything he had dreamed of for months, but in a way that had made him sorry for ever hoping to hear it.
He’d wanted her to love him, but not like this. Never like this.
The tears were openly streaming down Cordelia’s face, and she pulled away from him trying to hide from the raw pain in his eyes. Pain she had caused with words she could never take back. Words neither of them could pretend were anything but the truth.
Tiredly, she walked past him to settle on the round couch. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she laid her head down on them while reminding herself to breathe. The man she loved with every bit of her soul apparently loved her back. Wasn’t this supposed to feel good?
Though he heard her ragged breaths, Angel didn’t look over towards her but instead continued to gaze at where she had stood. He didn’t know why he was surprised. Why would she have wanted to love him?
“So what’s up with you mopey-mopes?”
Both of their heads shot up. Fred and Gunn stood in the back doorway of the lobby, sucking on drinks that were bigger than Fred’s head.
Cordelia looked at them like a deer caught in the headlights. “Wha…. how…… where……WAIT.”
Fred and Gunn exchanged a silent look. Pulling herself together, Cordelia stood up and took a deep breath.
“What the hell are you two doing back in here? I thought ‘no one could leave and no one could come back’!” She glanced at the basement door with a growing suspicion. “I knew it! That damn miniature version of the Jolly Green Giant set us up!” Her eyes blazed as she crossed her arms, “Rules my ass.”
Fred’s eyebrows shot up. “Giant? There’s a green giant in the hotel?” Then, looking over to Gunn, she whispered, “And he’s jolly?”
Unamused, Cordelia shot her a withering look as she stood up. “Yeah, just follow the trail of broccoli you twit.”
Gunn’s face grew stormy, but Fred laid a claming hand on his elbow even as her face hardened into a scowl. Stopping in front of him, she placed her hands on her hips. “Hey! I don’t know what kind of bug got into your pants, Cordy, but we came back ‘cause he told us to!”
Angel and Cordelia’s eyes followed her pointing finger until they hit a sheepish looking Lorne standing with Groo few feet from the basement door.
Watching Cordelia advance on the hapless looking duo, Angel didn’t even bother to focus in on her words. He didn’t need to. He could well imagine what was being said, and honestly, he just didn’t care much. It was all just Cordelia trying to block out what they had been talking about. Watching her through hooded eyes, he ignored the twitch in his heart as she darted a harried glance his direction while still directing her tirade at Lorne. Did she honestly not realize they were past the point of misdirection?
“….people trust you, you know! Don’t you have some kind of Hypocritical oath or something? I mean…..”
Hearing a snatch of her speech, he realized she knew as well as he did that nothing could be taken back. With a deep sigh, he turned towards the door.
Caught up in the show that was Cordelia, no one noticed Angel slipping out the backdoor except Groo, who watched with curious eyes but silent lips.
***********
He didn’t know how long he’d been walking, but he was pretty sure he’d discovered some new and unexciting corners of the LA sewer system. He wasn’t sad and he wasn’t mad. Frankly, he didn’t know what the hell he was, because he understood. He knew exactly why she had felt the way she did.
But that didn’t mean he knew what to say to her.
She loves me in spite of her heart. Angel smiled wryly as he wondered if she’d ever read Much Ado About Nothing.
Struck with sudden inspiration, he paused in his rapid strides and leaned against the wall. Frozen for only a few moments, he quickly turned and backtracked over the path he had been taking for the past few hours.
***********
There were few times in her life that Cordelia Chase had been really, genuinely furious. Irritation, anger, annoyance, these were daily occurrences—but stone cold fury was rare. But there was no doubt about it this time, she was furious.
The only problem was, she wasn’t too sure who should receive the full extent of her wrath. She was currently mulling over several candidates.
Option one: Lorne.
Really, all of this was his fault. He’d gotten the furies involved (the stupid skanks), and they’d gone and gotten things all messed up. Then he’d gone and made up those lame ass rules about the spell just to try and force some kind of lame ass confession because the lame ass actually thought he knew something about their lame ass lives. Sure, he’d tried to explain, but frankly, his explanations were lame ass and she didn’t believe them.
Glancing up from where she sat in the lobby she glared at Lorne once again.
“Did I mention what an incredible lame ass you are, Lorne?”
He turned to roll his eyes at her, but it didn’t matter. Cordelia wasn’t waiting for a response and had returned to her brooding.
Drumming her fingers against her knee, she continued her thoughts.
Option two: Angel
This may be the really good one. Him and his hero complex. It’s just not natural to go around saving everyone all the time. Hell, this had all started when he’d gone and saved her from Russell. Well, then there was the time he’d saved her from the demon babies. Oh, and then there were the endless visions….not to mention the dudes who put a third eye in her head. And let’s not even dwell on Pylea. Damn. Was it any wonder she’d fallen for him? She was simply a girl with a hero complex, really, no better then Fred. If he’d quit being so damned noble all the time, this wouldn’t be a problem.
Chewing a bit on her thumb nail, she furrowed her brow. It wouldn’t hurt if he’d shave his head and stop with the silky fabrics that just clung ever so slightly to his firm but not too bulky……
“OW!”
Glaring at the chuckles coming from her coworkers, Cordelia picked herself up off the floor.
“Fred! You’ve been Pledging these seats again, haven’t you?”
But once again, she wasn’t interested in a response. Shoving her way past a still silent and confused Groo, she made her way upstairs, not stopping until she found herself in Angel’s room. Sighing, she spoke to no one in particular.
“Oh, this was a good idea.”
Pacing, she tried to ignore the force of her thoughts, of the path they were leading her on. It was a place she didn’t want to go. Throwing a pillow in exasperation she tried to ignore what she was rapidly sensing to be true.
Finally, she stopped and sank to the floor in sudden defeat. Leaning her back up against the side of her bed, she leaned her head back and looked at the ceiling.
And then she knew.
Cordelia Chase was furious with herself.
TBC