Title: Borrowed Gardens
Author: ophelia
Posted: 11-01-2002 (repost)
Rating: R
Email: opheliafics@yahoo.com
Content:
Summary: Cordelia wants to go undercover and Angel’s not having any of it.
Spoilers:
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Florrie may have
Notes: Takes place early S3.
Feedback:
Dedication: This is for rouse who asked so nicely.Part 1
Cordelia was walking down the stairs when she heard the shouting begin. Shifting Connor to her other hip, she continued down into the lobby a little more slowly. When she reached the top landing, she was able to see in through the open door into Wesley’s office. Running a soothing hand over Connor’s soft hair, she listened to the ongoing argument.
“I don’t care Wesley! It’s a bad idea and she’s not doing it! Find another way because I’m not sending them in there like that.”
“Angel, be reasonable about this. We need someone on the inside. If they go in as a couple then we should be able to get inside information while giving them both back ups at the same time. It should be perfectly safe.”
“There is NO way you can know that and there isn’t a chance in hell that I am going to let her…”
The soft sound of Cordelia clearing her throat stopped Angel in the middle of his tirade. Cocking her eyebrow at him she shifted a confused looking Connor to her other arm before speaking, “You aren’t going to let me do what, exactly?”
When both men merely looked at the floor guiltily, Cordelia sighed, “I assume I was the “she” in question.”
Looking up decisively, Wes began to nod, “Yes, you were Cordy. We were talking about…” fading off as he heard Angel’s low growl of warning, he took a deep breath and continued, “We were, in fact, speaking of sending you and Gunn into the party tonight as a couple. That way you can keep an eye on Mr. Windermar’s actions more effectively than any amount of surveillance.”
Seeing Angel’s fuming out of the corner of her eye, Cordelia walked over to hand Connor into his father’s arms. Nothing calmed Angel more quickly than his son, and she mentally shrugged at the realization that she had been guilty of using that knowledge on more than one occasion. Ignoring Angel’s glare over the top of the baby’s head, she turned back to address Wesley.
“Whoa. I thought the whole point of Mr. Nasty’s shindig this evening was to “match up” the lonely as a cover to recruit young, single people for his nasty little demon cult. How exactly can Gunn and I go in as a couple?”
Taking his glasses off to wipe the lenses, Wesley seemed to contemplate her words, “Well, you clearly wouldn’t go in as a couple. You would both go individually and then seemingly “choose” each other upon your arrival.”
When Cordelia began to nod, Angel began to lose his cool again, “Cordy, you cannot possibly think that…”
But her stony face stopped him cold, as did her quiet voice, “Angel. We’ve talked about this—there are no raised voices around Connor. He doesn’t need the tension and we aren’t going to put him through a little trauma because we can’t act like grown ups.” Plucking the baby, who did indeed look a little frightened, out of his arms, she soothingly kissed Connor on the cheek before handing him over to Wes. “Can you take him out front while Angel and I talk?”
Once Wes and Connor were out the door, Cordelia closed it and turned to look at Angel. “So explain.”
Sitting down exasperatedly in the chair behind the desk, Angel scowled as he avoided her eyes, “I don’t need to. It’s too dangerous, and if you weren’t so intent on going out and proving how strong you think you are, then you would too.”
“Excuse me?”
But Angel did not heed the warning of her quietly furious voice as he got more wrapped up in his own logic. “Can’t you see that you have plenty to take care of here? Connor needs you and you just want to go out and risk yourself when I can take care of this myself.” His angry eyes met her disbelieving ones, “We have other people to think about now, Cordy.”
Cordelia didn’t let herself speak for a full minute. Truth be told, it was closer to a minute and a half before she spoke because she counted to 100 and tried to will her blood pressure to go lower. Finally, she walked over to the desk and putting her hands on its surface, she leaned over until she was even with Angel’s face.
“Don’t you ever throw that child in my face like that ever again. I will do what is best for this case because that is what we do, Angel. We save people. And I love that little boy with every part of me, and you know that. But I am not his mother, Angel.” Tears filled her eyes as she continued, “Don’t try to manipulate me when it comes to him. You have no right.”
Angel looked at her with haunted eyes. Her pointed statement about not being his son’s mother had felt like a stab in the stomach and her tears were salt in the wound. “I’m sorry, Cord. I just….I just don’t think this is the right thing for you to do.”
Wiping her eye angrily, she stood back up and shook her head, “Well, I guess it’s a good think you aren’t the boss anymore, Angel, cause I agree with Wes. I am going to do this tonight” and then her voice softened as her eyes pleaded with him to understand, “and I’ll feel safe knowing you will be out there as our safety net.”
Angel didn’t speak as he watched her walk out of the office.
* * *
Cordelia tugged at her skirt as she walked nervously up the walk to the enormous home. She had left the office early to go home and get ready for tonight’s little gathering and had decided to go with a simple little red number. It was brighter than anything she had worn in quite some time, but after all, tonight was supposed to be about “the hunt”. She had to at least pretend to be interested in catching some attention.
Flashing her fabricated invitation and a wide smile at the door, she entered the foyer and immediately began to scan for Gunn. They had arranged to arrive approximately 15 minutes apart so as to reduce the risk of either of them being approached prematurely by another party goer. Frowning when she didn’t see him, she felt her first flash of nerves. He should have been there by now.
Plastering a smile on her face, she walked over to order a drink and stall for time. Leaning back with her elbows on the bar, she continued to scan the room as she sipped on her soda water. Flinching as she accidentally made eye contact with an eager man across the way, Cordelia swore under her breath as he began to make his way over to her. “Damnit Gunn, where are you?”
The man had just reached her when she felt a cool hand slide over her shoulder as she was pulled against a chest. She just about dropped her drink when she heard Angel’s voice.
“Sorry man, this one’s taken.”
Part 2
Cordelia managed to somehow simultaneously lean into Angel’s chest while elbowing him in the stomach. Turning her face up to his, she smiled sweetly, “There you are! I was wondering where you went off to, handsome.”
The other man stood frowning indecisively for a few moments. He glared at Angel as though trying to figure out why a guy who looked like that would need a party like this. Apparently, he had been too busy thanking God to stop and wonder the same about Cordelia. He only walked away after the woman in question shrugged at him and said, “Sorry, Angel here swooped me up the second I walked in the door!”
Angel’s arm slid down so that it rested around her waist as they watched the room. Angel could feel their unspoken agreement to put the case first and he relaxed. Scanning the room for all the possible exits, and realizing there were enough to give him a rather large headache, he unconsciously pulled Cordy closer to him. As had been her plan with Gunn, Cordelia seemed to be focusing more on the people than the layout, using her “intuition” to guess about the most vulnerable party goers.
He was just about to lean down and whisper an observation in her ear when he felt her hand creep up his chest, and suddenly she was laughing as she looked up into his eyes. Glancing around furtively to see who she was trying to “impress,” Angel could see no one. But all thought flew out of his head as Cordelia’s mouth came to his neck as she began to place light kisses under his chin as her hands continued to rub his chest. His voice came out forced and low as he leaned down to talk into her ear.
“Cord, what are you….who do you see?”
Cordelia didn’t answer as she leaned up to lightly nibble on his earlobe and laced her hands through his. When she pulled away from his neck, Angel frowned from the loss of warmth as she tugged on his hands to pull him in the direction she wanted to go. Looking into her suddenly very warm and inviting eyes, he briefly wondered if he remembered how to walk.
Smiling smugly, she led him to a back corner where they were semi-out of the way. Leaning against the wall, she pulled Angel harshly against her and brought his head down to her neck. He was just about to get lost in her warmth and the smell of her pumping blood when she began to whisper in his ear, her voice coming out deceptively low.
“What the HELL are you doing here? Where is Gunn?”
Feeling his arousal freeze momentarily at the force behind her words, Angel forced a breath out of his lungs as he put his head against the wall above her shoulder. So apparently their “unspoken agreement” to focus on the case was also a one-sided one. Whispering, he leaned in next to her ear, “Cordy, I really don’t think now is the…”
His voice was cut off by the sound of a low moan coming from Cordelia as she leaned her head back and smiled. Her voice came out forced through her teeth, “Shut-up and kiss my neck!” Seeing his confused look, she rolled her eyes and ran her hand up his back until it rested on his neck. “Just do it!”
With a mental shrug, Angel leaned in and began to suck on a spot directly beneath Cordelia’s ear. Using his tongue to taste her skin, which he now knew felt as amazing as it smelled, Angel struggled to focus on the words she was once again whispering into his ear.
“Ok, I’m gonna assume that you asked Gunn to switch places with you and you didn’t just knock him out in the alley or something.” She almost grinned when she felt his annoyance as his tongue abruptly stopped its rather enjoyable actions. His voice came out as a low rumble against her neck.
“Of course. Did you think I just threw him into a dumpster?”
Wrapping her other hand around his waist as she leaned into bite his earlobe again, she resumed whispering into his ear, “Alright. Fine. We do this now, but don’t think you’re gonna get away with this, mister. We are going to talk about your trust issues just as soon as we get home.” Sighing once she got the words out, Cordelia closed her eyes in relief. It had been getting increasingly difficult to concentrate in the last few minutes and she was glad she hadn’t let it show. Relaxing into his embrace for a moment, she felt herself smile as she felt her mind sink further into haziness as he shifted his attentions to the other side of her neck. She was in the middle of a muddled, appreciative thought about his technique when she froze as her circumstance suddenly slammed into her full force. She was enjoying Angel a little too much and they had a job to be doing. Stiffening, she began to push him away gently.
Angel couldn’t help but feel rebuffed for a moment, but then remembering that he had won his way and would be staying, he smiled and turned around. Grabbing Cordelia’s hand and lacing it through his, he pulled her back out towards the party. Using her free hand to smooth her hair and dress, Cordelia tried to cool down and make her face return to a normal color.
She and Angel were standing hand in hand in the center of the room when the infamous Mr. Windermar entered wearing an odd silk and crushed velvet jumpsuit while banging some sort of ancient symbol. Stifling a giggle, Cordelia leaned up to whisper in Angel’s ear, “Looks like someone’s seen The Gong Show one too many times!”
Angel only had time to toss her an odd look before Windermar began to speak.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you so very much for coming to my home this evening. I hope you have made some interesting new acquaintances.” Cordelia felt dirty as his eyes raked over her as he scanned the crowd, “For those of you who have already found your partner for the evening, we will begin your ‘private time’ portion of the evening.”
Angel felt Cordelia’s hand tighten in hers, and he understood her panic. This was an unexpected turn of events, and precisely the reason why he hadn’t wanted her here in the first place. There was entirely too much that was unknown about this whole situation. Unexpected was really the only way to go. When her gripped tightened even more, Angel looked up and noticed Windermar coming their way.
Waving his arms with a wide smile, he gestured towards them, “Now these two were a pair if ever I saw one. Surely you’d like to be the first?”
Cordelia plastered a smile on her face as she shot a questioning glance up at Angel. Making a quick decision, he leaned in to kiss her temple and then began to speak in what Cordy would later classify as the ‘cheesiest voice she’s ever heard’.
“Well, if my new gal here’s up for it, I am!”
Giggling nervously, she nodded dumbly at both men. Clapping his hands as his velvet sleeves swung through the air, Windermar nearly bounced with glee. “Fabulous! Right this way lovies.”
Pulling on Cordelia’s hand, Angel swung in behind their leader with a bizarre kind of wiggle walk. Raising her eyebrows as she continued to forcibly smile, she spoke through the side of her mouth, “Angel why the hell are you walking like that?”
Calming down his prancing a bit, he looked over at her nervously as he whispered, “What? I’m just trying to act hip.”
Pulling him until she could slide her arm around his waist as the walked, she leaned up to kiss his neck as she whispered in his ear, “Angel, you don’t use your hips to act hip! So just do us all a favor and stop!”
The words were barely out of her mouth before they both stopped abruptly as Windermar reached a closed doorway. Seeing his expectant face, Cordelia smiled at him nervously, “So, what exactly is the plan here? I could use a refresher course.”
Cordelia would have said it was impossible, but their host’s smile grew as he dramatically swung the door open. “Well, call me old fashioned if you must, but this is the most crucial part of the evening. Think of it as an adult version of ‘7 Minutes in Heaven’.”
The smile faded off of Cordy’s face as she contemplated the room swathed in velvet pillows and silken blankets. “Man, when a fella gets attached to certain materials, I guess he really gets attached!” she muttered under her breath.
She and Angel felt themselves shoved gently in the room as they heard a sing-song voice, “Now you two have fffuuuuunnnn!” before the door slammed shut. Angel looked at Cordelia in confusion after surveying the room.
‘Cordy, what’s “7 Minutes in Heaven’?”
Part 3
“Cordy?”
Cordelia sighed and whispered out of the corner of her mouth, “It’s a game kids play in junior high. A boy and a girl get picked to go in a closet and have their way with each other for 7 minutes.” Seeing the shocked look on his face, she rolled her eyes as she pulled him farther into the room, “They don’t have sex, you old perv. Its harmless making out, an unbuttoned blouse here, a hickey there.”
Ignoring Angel’s continued look of confusion, Cordelia decided to take in their surroundings. They were in a darkened room, and the brightly colored cushions weren’t the tackiest thing about it: the walls and ceiling were all mirrored. Cordelia was in the midst of thinking about possible punishments for the decorator when she felt herself suddenly pulled against Angel’s chest. As one of his hands swept through her hair, the other began to play with the silky material on her lower back. She couldn’t stop the hitch in her breath as he lowered his head to her ear. Sucking on her lobe for a moment, Angel then began to whisper. “Cameras. Behind the mirrors.”
Their eyes met briefly as Cordelia suddenly remembered what they knew about the “recruits” Windermar would need for his cult. He wanted them in pairs, amorous pairs. The realization that they were being tested suddenly hit them both. With a nervous glance at the wall, Cordelia slid her hands up his back and leaned into his neck. She felt him shudder as she ran her tongue up until she reached his chin. With a gentle nip at his skin, she frantically whispered in his ear, “Angel…we can’t.”
Angel tried desperately to make his mind focus on the task at hand instead of the moist, warm air that was filtering into his ear and driving him insane. He tried to put together what Windermar had said with what Cordelia had told him about “the game”. Burying his face in her hair as they continued to embrace, he tried to reassure her, “Cord, I don’t think he wants sex. I think he’s just testing for chemistry.” And then he pulled back to look into her nervous dark eyes, “We can do this. 7 Minutes in Heaven, right?”
Looking into his eyes, Cordelia felt her heart speed up as her nerves began to calm. She couldn’t help but grin when she realized how thankful she was Angel had come instead of Gunn. Gunn’s handsome and all, but he’s not…. Cordelia froze and blinked abruptly as she realized the path her brain had begun to travel. She couldn’t deny the thrill that was racing up and down her spine that had conspicuously begun the moment his hand had begun to rub against her spine. But this was Angel.
Seeing the combination of arousal and confusion in Cordelia’s eyes , Angel smiled. He could feel her elevated pulse and he now realized that it wasn’t due soley to nerves. Realizing he would probably never again be handed such an opportunity, he decided to throw caution to the wind. Running a hand along her chin, he looked into her eyes before putting a sudden pressure on her back and pulling her flush against him.
Cordelia squeaked against his lips as his mouth covered hers in an aggressive surprise attack. Her resistance did not last long, however, as she melted against the insistence of his surprisingly soft lips. Angel felt a moment of surprise when she responded as quickly as she did and decided to push his advantage. Swiping at her bottom lip with his tongue, he felt a rush of hot air as her mouth began to open, and he couldn’t help but smile against her lips as he began to invade her mouth.
Her head swimming, Cordelia felt Angel push her against the wall as their kiss became heavier and their hands began to roam. She had a brief moment of lucidity, but when her mind tried to freak out, her body quickly overrode its concerns with reminders that this was for the case they were working on. Moaning at the bereft feeling of her lips as Angel moved his attention to her neck and moving her leg up to hitch around his waist, she had one last fleeting thought: good thing this is just business.
She had just begun to slide her hands underneath his shirt onto Angel’s chest when she heard a throat being cleared. Her hands froze, as did her lips. Angel’s head fell to her shoulder and Cordelia peaked over him to see who had made the noise, seeing the bemused, velvety figure of Windermar watching them from the doorway. When his eyes flickered down to Angel’s waist, Cordelia abruptly realized that her leg was still hitched around him and that her skirt was at a rather indiscreet angle.
Angel stood silently inhaling Cordelia’s scent until he felt her gently push him back as she lowered her leg. Looking down to see her skirt fall back into place, Angel struggled to regain control over his raging emotions. He stood facing the wall, his hands now on his hips, as Cordelia walked around him smoothing her hair back into place.
Windermar watched them with a bemused expression. “Sorry to interrupt kiddies, but can’t have you hogging the room. We’ve got some other love birds who want a chance to play too!!” But then his voice lowered as he walked closer to where they were both now standing, looking at him silently, “But I do know enough about chemistry to know that we’ve made quite a match here!” Pulling out a slip of paper from the waistband of his outfit, he continued, “Now I don’t invite everybody, but I’m having a special party tomorrow night that new couples like you should really attend.” Winking as he tried to hand the piece of paper to Cordelia, he smiled, “I think it’ll be an eye-opener for you.”
Cordelia could not bring herself to do anything but look at the piece of paper in disgust as she contemplated where exactly he had pulled it out of. Seeing that she was not going to take it, Angel reached around her and plucked it out of their host’s hand. Tucking it into his shirt pocket, Angel nodded.
“Thanks. We’ll talk about it.”
Windermar merely smiled as he stood back towards the door and gestured them out.
* * *
Wesley and Fred’s heads shot up as they heard the front door of the hotel slam open. Walking out of his office, they saw Angel standing in front of the open door watching silently as Cordelia disappeared up the stairs. Registering the scowl on his face, they exchanged nervous looks. Adjusting his glasses as he walked, Wes approached Angel slowly.
“So, Angel. How did your, uhm, evening go?”
Dragging his eyes away from the now-empty stairs, Angel turned his glare on Wesley. “You were going to send her there to do that with Gunn?”
Raising his eyebrows, Wes answered, “Do what with Gunn?” When Angel didn’t answer, but instead just looked at the floor, Wesley’s voice grew suspicious, “Angel, what happened tonight? Is Cordelia OK?”
Angel rubbed the back of his neck as he glanced back up at Wes before looking over to the stairs again. “She’s fine. Not talking, but fine.” He took his coat off and threw it on the round couch as he walked down into the lobby. “Is Connor asleep?”
Fred began to nod quickly at him. “Yeah, I fed him about an hour ago and he’s been out ever since. I put him up in your room,” Holding up a small white receiver, she continued, “But we’ve got the monitor on, so don’t worry.”
Looking at the white box dubiously, Angel sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands. He looked up again when he heard Wesley’s voice.
“Angel, what happened tonight? Why isn’t Cordelia talking?”
Their eyes met for a few minutes before Angel glanced away. When he began speaking again, he didn’t look at either of them.
“There was a test we had to pass to get invited to tomorrow night’s little occult gathering. We passed and got our invite, but I think it creeped Cord out a bit.”
A small wail suddenly erupted from the monitor as Wes asked his next question, eyes never wavering from Angel’s form. “What was the test?”
Angel walked over and began to climb the stairs. Once again, he answered without looking. “We had to kiss.”
* * *
As she sat rocking Connor, Cordelia tried to stop her racing mind. Once she and Angel had left the party, they hadn’t exchanged any words. It was as if leaving the confines of the house had suddenly brought her face to face with what exactly she had done in the name of “work”. She had made out with Angel. She had thrown herself at him like a common whore. Cringing, she snuggled Connor closer to her chest and hid her flaming face in the soft blanket he was wrapped in. Thinking back on their little session mortified her. She had been so forward, so aggressive…sliding her hand up his shirt, putting her leg around his hip. She began to mumble into the blanket, “Please let him think I was just putting on a really good show.”
* * *
When Connor’s crying had stopped, Angel just assumed that his son had once again fallen asleep, so he was unprepared for the image that confronted him when he entered the nursery. Cordelia was still in her dress but she was curled up in the rocker. Her face was buried next to Connor’s. It was a beautiful picture of maternal love, and Angel’s fingers immediately itched to sketch the image that was already burned into his brain.
All of his thoughts and worries about their activities at the party went flying out of his head as he watched Cordelia hold his son, and a sudden pain began in his chest as he remembered her words from earlier in the evening. I love that little boy with every part of me, and you know that. But I am not his mother, Angel
He wanted to rush over and pull them both out of the chair to tell her how wrong she was, but Cordelia had heard him enter and was suddenly looking at him. When their eyes met, her face suddenly began to flame. She looked away from him quickly and prayed he wouldn’t say anything about what had happened.
“I don’t know what woke him up, but I think he’s almost back to sleep. I’ll….I’ll put him back in his crib.” She got up and walked over to lay him down, ignoring Angel’s presence as best she could.
Angel watched her actions silently, and it was only when she tried to walk around him to get out the door without speaking that he reached out to grab her arm. She froze, but it was a few moments before she was able to bring her eyes up to his. When he saw the guarded and slightly fearful look on her face he paused in what he had been about to say. When she began to blink rapidly, Angel suddenly smelled the tears that were threatening behind her eyes. Shifting his grip to more of a caress, he rubbed her arm and offered her a gentle smile.
“Thanks for taking care of him, Cordy. For taking care of both of us.”
Cordelia looked at him, still blinking rapidly to stop herself from crying. She gave a small smile as she nodded and pulled her arm away from his grasp as she turned to walk out the room. Angel watched her walk away, his mind racing in a million different directions.
Part 4
Angel and Cordelia walked up the front walk to the house, hands intertwined. They had yet to speak about the events of the previous night, mostly due to the fact that Cordelia had spent a good part of the day avoiding Angel for all she was worth. Not yet knowing what to say, Angel hadn’t objected to her diversionary tactics. Their conversation in the car on the way to the mansion had only consisted of game plans and possible scenarios for what they could only imagine they were about to encounter. Nothing approaching personal had been said.
Glancing over as the reached the front door, Angel looked skeptically at Cordelia’s outfit once again. She looked beautiful but he didn’t dare tell her that. Frowning as he saw her running her free hand over her skirt, he tried to suppress the thought that maybe she looked too good.
Blissfully unaware of her companion’s thoughts, Cordelia continued to rub her skirt and obsess over her outfit. She was wearing a calf-length leather skirt that she picked quite purposefully because it was long and modest. Well, modest until she walked which is when the thigh-high slit kicked in. But considering the possibilities of the evening, she knew the slit would be necessary when and if it came to fighting.
Her musings were interrupted when the door suddenly swung open and Cordelia was met with a site that made her want to weep. Windermar stood beaming at them in a red satin leisure suit, unbuttoned enough to reveal far more of his chest than she had ever wanted to see. Her hand unconsciously tightened in Angel’s grasp as he led her in the foyer.
Upon their entrance into the mansion, Angel’s senses began working over time. He smelled nothing out of the ordinary, unless of course he counted the obscene amounts of incense that were currently burning all over the house. He saw several other couples milling about, but the crowd was considerably smaller than it had been the previous evening. Angel was still uneasy, though, because he didn’t see anything overtly occult, and he had somewhat hoped this would be easy.
Looking down at Cordelia, he could tell from her features that she was beginning to relax. The thought was just passing through his mind when she looked up and smiled at him, and despite his astonishment, he couldn’t help but grin back.
Smiling, Cordlia broke their eye contact and began to look around the room. She had been unspeakably tense all day, but within moments of walking into the party she had felt a feeling of calmness stealing over her. All the thoughts and fears that had plagued her all day just seemed to fade to the fuzzy background as she looked around her. Smiling up at Angel again, she nestled in closer to his side with a soft sigh.
Angel had been eyeing the movements of Windermar when he felt Cordelia suddenly shift into his side and cuddle herself against his chest. Her body felt remarkably relaxed and she was still smiling so he leaned down to whisper in her ear.
“Cordy, you ok?”
She nodded and then winked at him, ‘Oh yeah. I’m doing great.”
Angel felt uneasy at her quick relaxation in what should have been a stressful situation, but let his concerns fade to the back when he saw Windermar walking to the middle of the room and begin to speak.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Lovers and Lovees….Welcome to a night you will never forget!”
An odd spontaneous smattering of applause seemed to break out amongst the couples and Angel couldn’t hide his look of disgust. It all just seemed so sad and pathetic. He was in the midst of his second sneer when he felt a hard elbow in his ribs.
“Ow!”
Cordelia glared up at him “Could you act a little more disdainful of your surroundings? I mean, you are doing such an incredible job of blending in, it’s scary. Truly.”
Rolling her eyes when he sent her a pouty look, she pulled on his hand to lead him to the circle that was now forming. When all the couples in the group had formed a circle, Windermar moved his way to the center of the standing group. Angel watched him with one eye, but continued to scan the room. He didn’t like that their host now had them all with their backs to the exit and he was keeping his hearing sharp for unusual sounds. He was so intent on his observations that he very nearly jumped out of his skin when a loud gong suddenly rang throughout the room. Turning his eyes back to Windermar, Angel tried not to glare at the man with the offending gong as he began to speak.
“Now you were all invited here tonight because of your extraordinary passion for one another, and I want to show you how to expand that passion to your whole life, to all that surrounds you.”
Angel looked at the couples who were all nodding slightly at his words before glancing down at Cordelia. He tugged on her hand to get her to glance up at him. Cordelia looked up and smiled into Angel’s eyes and squeezed his hand again to let him know that everything was fine but then quickly directed her attention back to their host, who was still talking.
“….so as an expression of your willingness to expand your passion to life, we now come to your first test.”
At the word “test”, the warning bells in Angel’s head began to blare and he began to feel truly frustrated. There was something wrong with this scenario, but as yet, there was nothing concrete for him to battle.
He continued to glare silently as Windermar grabbed a man from the opposite side of the circle and pulled him to the center without a word. Then, after glancing around the group again, he came over to reach for Cordelia.
Attempting to follow Windermar’s beckoning to join him in the center of the circle, Cordelia felt herself abruptly yanked back by Angel’s grip on her hand. Shooting him an evil glance, she extricated her hand without a word while ignoring his frown. When she got to the place Windermar had beckoned her to, she stood patiently awaiting her next instruction. She honestly didn’t know what Angel’s problem was. True, they were there to investigate, but as far as she could tell, there wasn’t anything horribly shady going on. In fact, she found herself rather receptive to Windermar’s words about opening yourself up to the passion that flows all around you. With that thought in mind, she smiled as her host joined her hand with the man now standing across from her. He was smiling as hesitantly as she was, and Cordelia was suddenly struck with how cute he was.
Angel tried not to growl as he watched Cordelia join hands with and smile at the stranger. He didn’t know what was going on, but if she tried to go any farther away from his grasp, he was going to pull the plug on this whole investigation. Refocusing on the jackass who had brought them there in the first place, Angel realized he had missed some of what had just been said.
“…so now Cordelia and Phillip will show us how transferable our passion for one another truly is.”
Nearly swallowing his tongue, Angel realized Cordelia had begun to kiss the man in front of her. Clenching his fists, he watched as their kiss deepened and Phillip’s hands began to roam on her back. He was completely baffled that she didn’t seem to be fighting it at all, but instead seemed to be enjoying her activities. He was just about to tell the case to go screw itself and grab Cordelia when the front door suddenly burst open.
“Stop right there!”
Cordelia pulled away from her partner when she heard the familiar voice. The next thing she knew, Angel had grabbed her arm and hauled her against his chest as Wesley and Gunn stormed the room with fire extinguishers blazing.
Part 5
Upon their entrance, the room erupted into chaos. Windermar began to yell frantically as Wesley and Gunn used the extinguishers to put out the burning incense. Locating Angel over his shoulder, Wes yelled over the noise.
“Angel! Open the windows, we must get some air into this place!”
Angel was reluctant to release Cordelia, who was merely standing dazedly in his arms, but the urgency to Wesley’s command could not be ignored. Holding onto her hand, he dragged he along as he began to smash out the windows that lined the room’s walls.
As the room seemed to fill with smoke, fumes and fog, Cordelia frowned in confusion. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion and she wasn’t feeling the same rush of passion she had been earlier. Her loving and peaceful world seemed to be going up in smoke. Narrowing her eyes at Angel when he continued to try and pull her across the room, she abruptly jerked back and kicked his shin.
“STOP IT. You’re ruining the rituals!”
Grimacing slightly from the force of her kick, Angel merely grabbed her around the waist with one arm and hauled her against him. Trying to locate Wesley amidst the haze and wandering couples, he finally caught his eye.
“Angel! Get her outside, she must have fresh air!”
Looking to the foyer, Angel saw that Windermar’s “security” was now blocking the way as their host still tried to desperately round up his recruits. Without batting an eye, Angel enveloped Cordelia in his arms to shield her as he leaped out of the window. Her protests were muffled against his coat.
“Angel, what the hell are you doing? Let me go…..”
They landed with a hard thud on the front lawn, and Angel immediately began to look Cordelia over to make sure he hadn’t hurt her. Scowling as she shoved his hands off her, Cordelia tried to stand but suddenly found herself woozy. Catching her quickly, Angel wiped some hair away from her cheek. “Just breathe, Cordy, breathe, OK? There you go. In, out, in, out.”
Cordelia actually found herself following his directions for a few seconds before she realized the idiocy of the situation, and hit him in the chest. “Don’t give me breathing lessons you non-breathing idiot! What is going on? What happened?”
Seeing a new clarity in her eyes, Angel relaxed and looked back towards the mansion. “Oh geez, Wes and Gunn.” Putting his hands on her shoulders, he met her eyes, “Cordy, you stay here. I have to go help.”
Leaving her to merely stare after him, Angel jumped back through the window into the chaotic scene. Gunn and Wes had dropped their extinguishers and were battling with the security forces that had swarmed the room. Taking over Wesley’s place, Angel yelled to him.
“Wes, I’ll help Gunn! You get these people outside.”
Nodding, Wes began to usher the wandering and confused couples towards the broken out windows. Looking around as he knocked out the last of the men who were fighting them, Angel saw Windermar trying to sneak out the back. Chasing him into the hallway, he saw him disappear in a sudden flash of light. Confused, Angel ran up and down the long hallway checking that it hadn’t merely been a trick of the eye. Eventually giving up, he went back to the main room where Gunn was now gathering parts of the “incense” in the little plastic bags. Lifting his eyebrows, he waved one of them in the air.
“Wes wants some samples of what this guy was using as his mojo”
Angel merely nodded before heading outside. Slamming the front door behind him, he walked out onto the lawn where Cordelia and Wesley now stood together. Angel tried to make eye contact with her, but Cordy seemed particularly fascinated by a bush. Giving up, he looked to Wes who was speaking to him.
“Angel, did you get Windermar?”
Shaking his head as he rubbed the back of his neck, Angel continued to shoot little glances at Cordelia. “No, he disappeared in some big poof.”
Wesley cocked an eyebrow, “A big poof?”
Looking up again irritably, Angel nodded. “Yes a big poof of light, ok?”
Noticing Angel’s distracted glances towards the woman standing next to him, Wes adjusted his glasses. “Hmmm, well, yes. Alright. I guess we’ll have to research that. Once Gunn finishes gathering the samples, we should have a better idea of his origins.”
For the first time, Cordelia’s head perked up, “Samples?” She seemed to watch him intently as he nodded and answered.
“Yes, we need to know the mixture of herbs he was using to drug you all. The type of potion should help us in pinpointing the point of this evening’s activities.”
Cordelia’s voice seemed very small when she finally spoke, “Drug us all? I don’t get it, when did he drug us?”
Angel and Wesley exchanged pained glances before Wes continued to explain. “It was in the incense, Cordy. All you had to do was breathe…which is why Angel wasn’t affected by it.”
Her eyes snapped towards Angel for a split second before returning to Wesley. “What do you mean? How do you know Angel wasn’t affected by it?” As her mind continued to churn, Cordy’s eyes narrowed, “And how the hell did you guys know what was going on anyway? What are you doing here? You being here wasn’t part of the plan” Looking back and forth between the two squirming men, a horrible idea began to dawn in her mind, “Unless there was a plan that I’m not in on.” Her stance continued to grow more defensive as she crossed her arms and ignored Gunn who had finally joined them on the lawn, “You care to tell me how you knew what was going on in there? How you knew I was being drugged but Angel wasn’t when he didn’t seem to know himself?”
All three men immediately avoided her wrathful gaze, which only confirmed her suspicions. It had been an incredibly odd night filled with awkwardness with Angel, apparently being drugged, kissing strangers, being thrown out of a window, and now being lied to. Realizing they had left her out of the loop on something so important, Cordelia felt something inside her snap. Walking over to shove Angel, she began to yell.
“You BASTARD! How dare you decide what is ok for me to know and not know.” Angel flinched but remained silent. Seeing that he wasn’t going to respond to her, Cordelia turned on Wesley and her fury began to feed on itself. “So where the hell is it? Where’s the bug, Wesley? Is it on Angel? The House?? ME???”
Wesley nervously looked to Angel to try and get a feel for what he should tell the irate girl. Unfortunately, she saw his movement and it only made matters worse. “Don’t you dare look at him for permission! Who’s the boss here, Wes?? Since when does Angel get to edit what you say?”
Sighing, Wes toyed with his glasses, “Cordelia, given our location, I simply don’t think now is the time to get into this. I think its time we head back to the hotel, Fred’s been alone with Connor for some time now, she could probably use some relief.”
Turning abruptly, Cordelia yanked her hand into Angel’s coat pocket without a word. Feeling her hand in his pocket, Angel froze. He knew he had a lot of explaining to do, but he also knew she would have to do some serious cooling down first. Finally coming out with his car keys, she took off down the walk while yelling over her shoulder, “Well, since you guys have a regular boys club going, I’m sure you all won’t mind sharing the cab of Gunn’s truck.
* * *
Cordelia didn’t immediately drive back to the hotel. Instead, she found herself driving around the streets of L.A, trying to let the wind in her hair drown out the noises in her head. Unfortunately, it wasn’t working. Giving up and turning the radio down, Cordelia decided to try and think through what she now knew. In hindsight, it made sense that there had been something influencing her. From the moment they had walked into the door, she had found it increasingly difficult to keep her mind on the mission. She couldn’t help but smile when she thought of her kiss with….what was his name? Philip. That was it. It may have been drug induced, but that had been one hell of a kiss.
From the moment their lips had touched, her mind had seemed to float out of her body and her heart had wanted to explode out of her chest. All her control had just slipped away. It had been amazing, scary, and kind of familiar. It had kind of felt like when Angel had……Slamming on the brakes, Cordelia felt the breath leave her body as understanding suddenly hit her.
“The drugs! It was the drugs!”
* * *
Angel stood in the lobby pacing. Gunn and Wes exchanged a look, and Fred sighed as she realized they weren’t going to say anything. Walking over to still him with a hand on his shoulder, she spoke softly.
“Angel, you’re gonna make the baby dizzy with all that pacin’. I’m sure she’ll be home any time now.”
Looking down at his son in his arms, Angel reluctantly stopped in his warpath. The truth was, Cordelia should have been home 45 minutes ago, she should have beat them back. He knew she was pissed, but he also knew she wouldn’t have gone straight back to her apartment without coming and checking on Connor, not that that had stopped him from calling her home repeatedly. Gripping him closer to his chest, Angel realized he was holding his son as if her were a safety blanket that would ensure Cordelia’s return. He was so lost in his thoughts, that he almost didn’t hear Wesley talking to him.
“Angel, we must talk about what Cordelia should be told. It may be that we don’t…”
Whipping around to glare at Wes, Fred interrupted, “What do you mean ‘What Cordelia should be told?’ She’s out their stickin’ her neck on the line every bit as much as all of you, maybe even more, and you’re gonna decide what she gets to know? That’s…that’s just….well…..it’s BAD and WRONG, and I shouldn’t even have to tell you that.”
“Thanks Fred, I couldn’t agree more!” Everyone turned to see Cordelia standing, arms crossed, in the doorway. “Really couldn’t have said it better myself.” And then walking over to Angel, she plucked Connor out of his arms. “Why on earth do you have him up this late? Come on sweetie, let’s get you back in bed.”
Angel watched her go up the stairs, a look of utter confusion etched across his face. She no longer seemed angry or uncomfortable. Turning, he saw the same look on Wesley’s face as Wes spoke, “Well, I must say, she certainly seems more……reasonable”
Frowning, Angel looked back towards the stairs as Fred cleared her throat. “I don’t mean to be a gloomy-gus, but if she was as mad as you all made her sound…”
“What are you trying to say Fred?”
Sighing Fred began to pull on her hair absentmindedly as she followed Angel’s gaze, “You ever heard the phrase ‘the calm before the storm’?”
Part 6
Cordelia had just laid Connor in his crib when she sensed Angel’s presence in the doorway behind her. Arranging the blankets over the baby, she began to whisper without turning around.
“Well, you must be feeling brave this evening.”
“Cordy.”
Cordelia turned around abruptly. “Shhh.” Tucking her hair behind her ear, she walked past him without another word.
Angel watched her disappear down the hallway with a sigh. He had wanted to grab her, to say something, but the truth was he wasn’t even sure why he had followed her up the stairs when he had no idea what to say. He had simply done it without a thought. But that was how things were now; wherever Cordelia was, he was compelled to go. Running an anxious hand through his hair, he headed back towards the stairs feeling like a dog with his tail between his legs.
* * *
Cordelia made her way through the lobby and tried not to be annoyed by the cautious way her coworkers were looking at her. Reaching her desk, she picked up a file folder as she sat nonchalantly.
Wes and Gunn exchanged a look while Fred’s eyes flickered back and forth between Cordy and Angel, who was now making his way cautiously down the stairs. His eyes met Fred’s, asking an unspoken question to which Fred could only shrug in response. The silence filled the lobby for a few minutes before Cordelia finally sighed and slammed the folder down.
“Alright, would someone please say something??”
Angel took a few steps towards her, “Cordy…” but he froze as her flashing eyes met hers.
“No, I take it back. You don’t get to say anything. Anyone else?”
Seeing Angel’s hesitancy, Wesley decided to speak up. “Cordelia, this isn’t entirely Angel’s fault. We made a decision based on the information at hand and I realize that we made a mistake in not telling you, but….”
“Did you know about the drugs too?” Though she addressed Wesley, her eyes never left Angel’s. “Is that why you decided to listen in? Thought you’d get a show? Make sure we didn’t get too into it?”
Angel’s eyes narrowed and Wesley’s face filled with color when they both registered her words. Angel’s hurt gaze never left Cordelia’s cold one when he spoke.
“Could you guys leave us alone please? We have a few things to talk about.”
Cordelia broke their eye contact for the first time as she rolled hers and turned to look at her computer. She wasn’t surprised to hear the front door opening and the sound of feet shuffling out. They thought Angel was going to “handle” her. Huh. Not likely. She didn’t look up as he perched on the edge of her desk.
“Cordy…”
She clicked on her mouse as she opened up her email folder, “Bite me.”
“Cordelia”
She tried not to smirk when she heard his “stern” voice.
“Jackass.”
Angel tried to restrain from grabbing her chin and forcing her to look at him. “Look, I don’t know what you think happened, exactly, or what you meant by what you said to Wesley, but we have to talk about this. I need to know what you are so upset about.”
Her chaired scraped loudly as she stood abruptly and began to speak with a cold glare. “What I am upset about? How about the fact that I was drugged and made out with someone when it was completely inappropriate! How about the fact that you guys decided to listen in on the evening without telling me? How about the fact that I am apparently considered neither grown up or trustworthy enough to be kept in the loop? GEE, where do I start?”
Angel reached out, but Cordelia jerked away as his hand brushed her cheek. “Don’t.”
Crossing his arms against his chest as if to protect himself from the fierceness of her expression, Angel spoke more softly. “Cordy, I had no idea they were drugging you. I never would have let that idiot near you had I known you weren’t aware of what was happening. And as for the bug….”
“What do you mean that idiot? I was talking about YOU. You’re the idiot! Not only did I humiliate myself while under the influence, but then you had to tell Wes and Gunn alllll about it, didn’t you? Couldn’t wait to tell the boys!” With one last glare, she headed out towards the center of the lobby. “MEN.”
Angel sat on the corner of the desk absorbing her words and it took him a few minutes to understand the implications of what she had said. When her meaning sunk in, he leapt up to follow her into the front room.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you talking about Cordy? You weren’t drugged the first night when we….when we….well, you just weren’t! What happened then had nothing to do with Wesley deciding to give us backup the next night!”
Cordelia waved her hand dismissively, “Oh, please. Like you would know. You didn’t know I was getting drugged tonight! I WAS drugged both nights, I KNOW I was. I mean, kissing you felt exactly like kissing Philip. What other explanation is there?”
Angel was silenced by her words. Wesley had said the drug had been in the incense, and Angel had smelled it strongly tonight, whereas he had no doubt it had not been present the first night. But now didn’t seem the right time to push his point. The look on her face was a mixture of desperation and stubbornness. Not a good combination.
“Well, you have to believe me when I say that the drugs had nothing to do with our decision to do video surveillance tonight, Cordy. And it also had nothing to do with what, uhm…..happened between you and I. I told Wes we kissed as a part of the case, but that’s all.” His eyes darkened as he took a few steps closer to her. “What happened between us stays between us, Cord.”
She rolled her eyes and tossed her hair, “That’s just it, Angel. Nothing happened. It was the drugs, pure and simple.” She walked past him, biting on her lip as she avoided his eyes, “So I still haven’t heard why you guys pulled a Boy’s Club routine and left me out of the loop tonight.”
Angel let out a breath as he plopped down on the round couch. “Cordy, I don’t know what to tell you. We didn’t make the right decision, I guess.”
“You GUESS?”
He looked at her, irritated. “Well, it’s not like you were the most receptive person today. You were in your own little world and you seemed to be extremely nervous about tonight. Wesley decided that with so many people and so many unknown factors, the only wise thing to do was give ourselves some extra eyes and ears. It wasn’t a conspiracy, Cordy. It was an effort to keep you and everyone else safe, and I refuse to apologize for that. I AM sorry you weren’t told, but we did the right thing. I mean, look what almost happened!”
She looked at him in stubborn blankness, and his temper flared.
“Cordelia, if we hadn’t known you were being drugged, just imagine what could have happened with that GUY!”
She raised an eyebrow, “Oh, I think WE know Angel, don’t we? After all, it wasn’t like it was the first time I had been under the influence. And to think I spent all day obsessing about what we did and what it meant when all that happened was a drugged out mistake!” Her voice had risen to a shout by the end of her speech, and Angel flinched as she spit out her final words.
Cordelia flushed as she realized what she had just admitted and found herself hoping that the volume and venom of her final words kept Angel from really understanding what she has said. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from him, and even though they were nearly 5 feet apart, she could feel the tension between them as if it were a tangible thing. They both jumped when, a few seconds later, they heard a noise.
“Ahem…”
Turning, they saw Wesley standing alone in the doorway, a hesitant but determined look on his face.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I think there is something that both of you should know right away.” Seeing there stony expressions, he cleared his throat again and came in closer. “Yes, well, it seems that my contact was able to run the tests on the substance in question more quickly than he had thought would be possible.” He looked to Cordelia, “Well, the good news, it seems, is that there should be no lasting effects from it. It seems to be a rather simple herbal recipe to stimulate a hormonal response within the brain stem.”
Cordelia sighed, “Wes…”
He nodded, “To put it more simply, it replicates the feelings and uhm, impulses, one might have when one is in the first throes of passion.” His eyes lit up with a bizarre interest in his topic, “It is able to generate the emotions that accompany falling in love and but they are easily affixed in whatever direction the mind is focused. It’s quite ingenious, really.”
Angel merely sat back on the couch with a frown as Cordelia nodded rapidly at Wesley, “Yeah, that makes perfect sense! I mean, I felt the exact same thing when kissing Angel and Phillip those two nights, so it makes sense that it was drug induced!”
Wesley’s eyebrows shot up. “Do you mean to say you were drugged that first evening as well? Angel, Why didn’t you mention that to me earlier? You smelled the incense both evenings?”
Carefully avoiding Cordelia’s eyes, Angel looked up at Wes quickly and answered in a soft voice, “No.” From the corner of his eye, Angel saw Cordelia’s head whip around to look at him, but he knew she had to hear what he was saying even if he hadn’t had the time to fully understand what the implication were. “There were no drugs the first night, Wes. I am positive of that. That incense was not in Windermar’s house that night.”
Angel waited a few seconds before hazarding a look in Cordelia’s direction. Her face had lost all its color and her mouth seemed to be opening and closing of its own volition. She couldn’t, or wouldn’t, look at him, and Wesley suddenly seemed very intent on cleaning his glasses. And suddenly, as if a signal for relief from above, Connor’s little voice could be heard wailing on the monitor. Without a word, Cordelia bolted for the stairs.
Part 7
Angel started after her but Wes’ voice stopped him.
“Angel, wait. There’s something else we need to discuss.”
He paused on the stairs, watching Cordelia until she disappeared. It was only then that he turned to look at Wesley with resignation. “Yeah?”
“It’s about Mr. Windemere.” Seeing a spark of interest in Angel’s eyes, Wesley continued, “As you said, there was nothing left of his trail, no indicators of where he might have gone. However, the nature of the drugs he was using does give us more information about what he might have been after.”
Impatience flickered across Angel’s face, “And that was…..”
Wesley adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat, “Well, yes. It seems that this particular drug is often used by witches and warlocks to, uhm, advance their, erm…..”
“Wes, spit it out.”
“Certainly. It seems that it’s a drug quite often used in ceremonies involving, well, orgies.”
Angel’s eyebrows shot up. “So we spent all this time and effort trying to stop a mystical pervert?”
“Well, now, we kept those people from participating in behaviors for which they would not normally have been prone to actively engage in, yet the effects of the drug on Cordelia do seem to suggest that they would never have known they were under the influence. Ideally, I would imagine they would have just chalked it up to a wild night.” His eyes darted to the balcony, “No that that would make it alright, of course.”
Running his hand through his hair, Angel looked at the stairs again before returning his gaze to Wesley, “So your point is?”
“My point is that I believe this case is as resolved as its ever going to be, There’s no real way to track the ‘mystical pervert’ as you call him, so we best just let this one go for the time being.”
It was a few minutes before Angel nodded. When Wesley saw that he intended once again to head for the stairs, he cleared his throat. Angel paused but spoke without turning around, “You catching something Wes, or you got something to say?”
There was steel in his voice when Wes finally responded. “Yes, I do have something to say. This ridiculous charade between you and Cordelia has gone quite far enough, and I think its’ about time you be man enough to put a stop to it. If either one of you would act with one ounce of the courage I see you exert on a daily basis, you wouldn’t be behaving like a wounded puppy and she wouldn’t be up there hiding her mortification behind your son.
* * *
Cordelia was in a controlled panic as she bent to pick up Connor. The only reason she had been able to return to the hotel tonight with some semblance of dignity was her belief that the drugs were an explanation for things she hadn’t been able to explain. Pulling the baby to her chest, she wrapped the blanket more tightly around him and let his desperate wails distract her for a moment.
“Oooh, sweetheart, its ok. Come here…..shhhhhh”
Without a conscious thought, she made her way back the rocking chair and settled in, shifting the sniffling Connor until his cheek was resting on her shoulder, face buried in her neck. After a few moments of her quiet humming, he seemed to settle back down. Cordelia was just about to get up and return him to his bed when she felt Angel’s presence in the doorway. Suddenly, a desperate urge to keep Connor huddled against her chest swept through her.
Angel had been watching her silently for quite some time, but when her shoulder’s stiffened, he knew she had noticed his presence. Her tightened grip on the baby didn’t escape him either. When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet.
“We seem to always end up back up here, don’t we?”
Cordelia’s eyes shot to his briefly before looking away again. The words were clearly not what she had expected, but she couldn’t pretend to not know what he meant. Leaning her head back on the rocker, she looked up at the ceiling but didn’t speak.
“Cordy, you can’t keep going like this. For days you’ve either been avoiding me altogether, or you’ve been yelling at me, saying things that weren’t making a lot of sense.”
Her eyes closed and her words came out as more of a sigh, “Angel…”
He came forward and sat on the edge of the bed as he contemplated her, “But now I get it, and I understand why I couldn’t see it before.”
The resolve in his voice drew her gaze back towards him, and she couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at him, “Oh really. What exactly do you get?”
Angel hesitated for a few minutes because he knew she wasn’t going to like what he had to say, “You’re scared Cordy, you’re scared out of your mind, and since you usually try and hide that from me, I didn’t recognize it at first.” He continued to speak, ignoring the growing look of anger on her face, “But what I don’t get is what you are scared of. Is it me? Is it what happened between us?”
She flinched slightly at his last question but a quick look at Connor calmed her face. “Shh, you’ll wake your son up, Angel. This isn’t the time or place to talk about this, ok?” The words were barely out of her mouth when Angel got up and unceremoniously plucked Connor out of her arms. Ignoring her gasp of protest, he placed his son in the crib and then turned to grab her elbow.
Cordelia tried to pull out his grasp as she hissed, “Angel!” but his hand was iron tight on her arm as he pulled her out the room. She thought he would let go as soon as they were in the hallway but was surprised when he continued to pull her into an empty room a few doors down. Once they were in the room, he shut the door, crossed his arms, and leaned against it.
That’s when she lost it.
“ANGEL! What the HELL are you doing?”
He shook his head as his dark eyes looked at her calmly, “We aren’t going to do that anymore, Cordy.”
“Do WHAT?”
“Look, you wouldn’t let me use Connor to manipulate you into not taking that mission, and you were right. But I’m not going to let you use him as a safety net against me, either.”
Cordelia shook her head, “I don’t know what you are talking about.” Her voice was firm, her eyes betrayed her words.
“We’ve been using him as a buffer, Cordy. He’s been our excuse to talk about the future, to sleep together, to BE together all day, every day, but he’s also been our excuse to keep each other at a distance. If you can keep him between us, you feel safer. But that’s not the truth, and it’s not what I want. We aren’t going to do this anymore.”
Her eyes were cold with fury, “You presumptious, patronizing son of a bitch.”
Angel’s eyebrows rose in surprise but he remained silent.
“How dare you accuse me of using Connor! You just think you have it all figured out, don’t you? Well guess what? You haven’t the slightest idea what is going on in my head….”
He chose that moment to interrupt. “You’re right about that, Cordy. I don’t know what is going on with you, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what set you off.” His face took on a slightly sulky cast as he continued, “I’m sorry if kissing me was so traumatic that you had to believe it was the result of drugs.”
Cordelia’s mouth snapped shut in shock as she looked at him incredulously. “You are not seriously doing what I think you are doing.” When he merely continued to look down, she reached over to whack him on the shoulder, “You are! You are interrupting our fight to pout and beg for compliments! You are unbelievable!”
His face remained dark, “No, I’m just tired of hiding how I feel. I’m tired of not telling you the things that cross my mind a million times a day. And I am really tired of you pushing me away!”
Running a tired hand through her hair, Cordelia sighed and walked over to gaze out the window. “Well, I’m tired too Angel, but that doesn’t mean that…..wait.” She looked back at him over her shoulder, “Did you say ‘hiding how you feel’?”
Angel silently walked closer to her. Reaching where she stood by the window, he grabbed her shoulders gently and turned her to face him.
“Angel?”
Stamping down his panic over the pure vulnerability he saw in her eyes, he reached up to brush an imaginary smudge off of her cheek. Cordelia found herself fighting back the tears that were threatening as she felt his tender gesture. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath.
“We can’t….”
Bringing his other hand up to caress her other cheek, he waited until her eyes opened. “I know that our lives will never be simple and that we will have unbelievable obstacles and unimaginable challenges, but I am tired of ignoring the purest thing in my life because of all the other filth that surrounds us.”
A tear traveled down her cheek, and he gently wiped it away with his thumb.
“Cordy, what I know is this. Kissing you made me feel things that I didn’t know I could feel anymore. Talking to you brings me more frustration, joy, and amusement that I have ever known….” His voice began to choke up, “…and watching you with my son, no, our son, fills me with a yearning for things that I never knew I wanted.”
Smiling bitterly, Cordelia reached up to take his hands off her cheeks. Kissing his palm lightly, she walked slowly around him and shook her head. “You wanna know why I thought the whole thing was drug induced? You wanna know why I won’t let you in? Why this can never happen?”
Turning to gaze at him again, her smile faded and her eyes took on a steely glint. “You say I make you feel things you never thought you could feel again.”
Angel nodded, not understanding where she was going.
“I love my life here, Angel. Please understand that. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve accepted the life that has been handed to me because it fulfills me in a way I never knew for the first 18 years of my life.” She angrily wiped another tear off her cheek as she continued, “And as a trade off for that, I’ve been willing to accept that I am never going to have a lot of things I always thought I would have. I’m willing to accept my life with you, even though I know this is your post-Buffy runner-up existence. I’m more than willing to love and accept that child in there even though he can never truly be mine. I get it, ok? I get the great irony here….that I have to accept a life as a fake wife and a fake mother…..that my life is borrowed from other people. I can handle that…but what I won’t let you do, Angel is try to make me believe it is more than that.”
Her angry eyes bore into his shocked ones, but she seemed completely unrepentant. “I understand that you are just trying to be kind, to make me happy. But just stop. I’ve accepted my life, and for you to presume that I need more from you is just cruel and more than a little patronizing.”
Angel’s mouth opened and shut a few times as he searched for the words to fight back her outburst, but her words were so alien, so unexpected that he had no idea how to prove them wrong. Cordelia claimed she was content with her life, but her behavior suggested anything but. Misery was clearly etched across her face. And so, without much of a thought, Angel took three rapid steps, closing the gap between them. Grabbing her abruptly, he brought her lips to his as he kissed her with every ounce of love, frustration, and desperation that he had been feeling for months.
The kiss was passionate, but brief. Cordelia shoved him away after just a few second with a confused and angry expression. “Stop! Just stop!”
Angel was furious, “No! You tell me, was I lying just then? You tell me that what you felt just then was me patronizing you. You tell me that was a pity kiss!”
Cordelia wanted to, desperately, but she knew he was right. What she didn’t understand was what that meant. Was it possible she had been so wrong? That her life wasn’t a consolation prize? Seeing the confusion in her eyes, Angel’s temper cooled just as rapidly as it had flared. Leaning up to kiss her on the forehead, he then bent to whisper in her ear. “There is nothing borrowed about your life, Cordy. My heart is yours and so is Connor’s. And I will spend the next 20 years proving that to you if I have to.” And with a final kiss beneath her ear, he walked out of the room.
Cordelia watched him go in silence, a small grin playing around her lips.
* * *
Angel had been lying in bed for nearly 20 minutes trying to calm his racing thoughts. He was so lost in his emotions that he didn’t hear her until she crawled up on the bed beside him. Without a word, she lifted the blankets and curled up next to him, putting her head on his chest.
A smile broke out across Angel’s face. He loved his son dearly, but he had never been so happy to not have Connor in bed with them. He knew they had a long road ahead of them, but for now he was content for it to just be them- with nothing in between.
End.