Title: Love The One You're With
Author: Luckylyn
Posted: 08-04-2004
Email:
Rating: R
Category: Angst
Content: Cordy/Angel, Cordy Wesley
Summary: Cordy and Wesley grow closer leading to a jealous Angel.
Spoilers: After Waiting In The Wings
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Just Fic, Angel Oasis and Rose & Thorns
Notes:
Feedback: Hell Yeah
Thanks/Dedication:Part 1
Cordy was still reeling from everything that had happened at the ballet. She could have gotten over her and Angel’s possession and what had almost happened except for the fact that for her it wasn’t all fake. She really felt those feelings the ballerina felt but unlike the ballerina Cordy’s feelings were not returned. When Angel came toward her as she stood in the Lobby of the hotel. She tried to look busy dusting off her ruined dress.
“Do you think I can still return it? Because otherwise we're gonna have to take on a lot more cases," Cordy said trying to lighten the mood.
"Cordy,” Angel said and Cordy knew he wanted to talk about what had happened at the ballet.
"You know, we should probably just not talk about our little adventure. Anything that might have been seen, anything that might have been, oh perky," Cordy said trying to laugh it off.
“I just wanna pretend it never happened,” Angel said.
“Exactly,” Cordy agreed. She hated knowing what it felt like to kiss him and be in his arms and have the knowledge it wouldn’t ever happen again.
Angel nodded, “Wipe it from my memory.”
That hurt Cordy’s pride. She may not be the love of Angel’s life, but she was a hottie, “What? Was it like disgusting?”
"No! I, ah... I would, I would just want... If we were to... I would just want it to be... new. Start at the beginning."
“Lost me in the middle,” Cordy said trying her best to pretend she didn’t understand what he was trying to say to her; pretending she didn’t care that he was trying to let her down easy.
“Cordy you and I, we've been working together for a long time.” Angel began.
Cordy laughed slightly trying to be nonchalant.
“What I mean is, you've become a truly extraordinary woman....” Angel continued and Cordy couldn’t help smiling at that even if this was Angel’s “Gee Cordy I think you’re great and I’m attracted to you but I don’t love you” speech.
Cordy wished he could stop talking right then and there but he continued, “I know we haven't always gotten along, but I think that we, you know, we..."
Cordy was relieved when she got the vision interrupting Angel’s speech and forcing him to go out and save someone. It gave her the opportunity to escape the hotel with her pride intact. She hoped that would be the end of that and she and Angel would be able to avoid any more awkwardness.
***
Angel was in the mood to kill when he confronted the demon in Cordy’s vision. He’d finally worked up the nerve to tell her how he felt and then she’d had the vision. He’d wanted to stay with Cordy despite the vision but when he hesitated slightly before leaving the hotel Cordy gave him a look that told him the mission came first. He was wondering if it was some kind of sign when he entered his room at the Hyperion and went to check on his son. Maybe it was just wasn’t meant to be for him and Cordy. Lorne watched him with a sympathetic grin.
“You’ll see her in the morning,” Lorne said. “You can tell her then.”
Angel made no reply and was wondering if he should just let it all drop. There was so much he couldn’t give Cordy. He made his decision then and there to let her go.
Lorne shook his head as he walk left Angel’s room, “Maybe you’re not as brave as I thought you were.”
Angel made no reply and just lifted his tuxedo jacket from his bed. It smelled like Cordy.
***
Over the next week, Angel and Cordy avoided each other. Strangely Angel ended up spending more time with the group while Cordy retreated in to herself. They were all missing Cordy even though she was standing right there with them in the Lobby. The only time Cordy looked happy was when she was with Connor. Angel could tell something was weighing on her mind but he didn’t know how to get her to talk to him. Angel rarely had secrets from Cordy, but she was always a mystery to him. It was something that frustrated and excited him about her.
Cordy had been thinking about her life and what she wanted. Once she’d wanted to marry a rich man and be taken care of. Then the dream changed as she did. She didn’t need a rich man just a good, strong man who would love her as she loved him. He’d accept the visions and her unusual life. He’d love her just as she was. But some point she’d given up without being aware of it. She realized it had started when the doctor told her she was dying. She accepted she’d die alone, that she would never have children, and that her life was destined to not just hand her, her dreams. And now she knew she was going to live and now she could allow herself to dream again, but she didn’t want to. She just wanted live her life. At anytime things could change for her. She had no idea what being half demon could do to her. She could die so easily one night while and she and her friends attempted to help the helpless.
At the precise moment when Cordy was most lost in thought, she bumped in to Wesley in the courtyard. He was also lost in thought.
“I’m sorry,” Cordy said.
Wesley nodded absentminded.
“I’m sorry, Wes,” Cordy said again.
This time he looked into her eyes and saw that she wasn’t just talking about bumping into him. She was sorry she’d encouraged him to go after Fred who was now happily with Gunn.
“It’s not your fault,” Wes said. “You didn’t know.”
Cordy was annoyed with herself. She should have known not to get his hopes up. She thought her instincts were so on point. She’d been so wrong about Fred and Wesley.
“I wish I could say something to make this better for you,” Cordy said. “But there isn’t anything to say.”
“No there isn’t,” Wesley said walking away.
“Wes,” Cordy called after him.
He turned to look at her. Wesley had been so focused on Fred that it wasn’t until that moment he realized Cordy was upset about something.
“Cordy, what is it?” he said sitting beside her on the bench.
“Do you remember the night you invited all of us over?” Cordy asked. “The night I had that vision about Billy.”
“We talked,” Wesley said. “You said you thought we were all meant to be alone. I didn’t want to agree with you at the time but..”
“Don’t you dare agree with me now,” Cordy said. “I was wrong and you were right. We are all meant for each other in this almost family of ours.”
Wesley shook his head, “It’s a nice thought but...”
“But friendship and family aren’t all you want right now,” Cordy said with a bitter laugh. “I know how you feel.”
Wesley was about to object because Cordy was a beautiful woman, and he believed that if she wanted a man she would have him. They sat together quietly just thinking. It was then Wesley realized Cordy was suffering from a broken heart just as he was. He’d suspected there was something between Cordy and Angel. Wesley figured Angel was out of reach for Cordy just as Fred was out of reach for him.
“Kiss me,” Cordy said softly looking at him intently.
“Cordy, I..” Wesley began.
“I just need to know something,” Cordy said leaning towards him there lips brushing together.
And so Wesley kissed her. It was the second kiss for them. The first kiss years ago in Sunnydale had been clumsy and lead them both to realize there could be nothing between them. This second kiss was different. There was no more clumsy fumbling. There was a comfort and understanding in this kiss.
Cordy pulled away from him and smiled, “You’ve gotten better at that.”
Wesley smiled at her, “I’ve always been good at that. But the first time around you scared the bloody hell out of me.”
Cordy laughed and kissed him again. It was nice to have someone hold her.
“What are we doing?” Wes asked her when they stopped kissing long enough to breathe.
“Not being lonely,”Cordy said. “I figure the way we lead our lives our dating circle is limited.”
“So you want to date cause there is nobody else,” Wesley said trying his best to look offended when he was actually intrigued. “That’s not a compliment.”
“That’s not the only reason,” Cordy said. “If all I wanted was someone to cuddle with at night I could go to some bar. But I want a good man who could maybe understand me, who I could share things with. Who could be my friend and my lover. Someone who wouldn’t bore me. You fit the bill. Not just anybody could. I think you want those same things.”
“Well, you certainly aren’t boring,” Wesley said wrapping his arm around her. “But I love you Cordy. I don’t think we can play this kind of game and not hurt each other.”
“This isn’t a game,” Cordy said stubbornly. “I want to just see if it could happen between us. If it can’t, we’ll always be friends and know at least we really tried to have that connection with someone.”
It was tempting. Wesley wondered if that could happen. Could they fall in love just because they wanted to be in love? Just because they no longer wanted to love the people who were out of their reach.
“Love happens or it doesn’t, Cordy,” Wesley said. “It can’t be forced.”
“It wouldn’t be forced,” Cordy said. “We’d give it a try and if we felt nothing that would be the end of it. When we kissed did you feel nothing?”
“I felt something,” Wesley admitted.
“Me too,” Cordy said and suddenly Wesley was kissing her again and they were both laughing because suddenly they both had hope again.
It was the laughter that got Angel’s attention. It had been too long since he heard Cordy laugh. He stood in the doorway because the sunlight prevented him from joining Wesley and Cordy in the courtyard. What Angel saw stunned him. Cordy was suddenly in Wesley’s lap giving him a tight hug. And then Wesley was brushing the hair of out of Cordy’s face.
“Let’s go out tonight?” Wesley suggested.
“Like a date?” Cordy asked thinking it over. “I don’t know. I have this tight ass boss who probably won’t give me the night off.”
Angel growled as he stood there helpless listening to Wesley and Cordy’s conversation. He wanted to stop this. Cordy could not be with Wesley. She couldn’t be with anyone but Angel.
“Tight ass?” Wesley repeated trying not to laugh. “The boss and I are close. You can have your night off.”
She gave him a quick kiss on the lips and leap out of his lap.
“I have to go get ready,” she said running back in to the lobby and right in to Angel.
“What’s wrong?” she asked seeing the anger in Angel’s eyes.
There were dozens of angry things Angel wanted to say. There were dozens of actions he wanted to take. Starting with ripping Wesley’s head off and then grabbing Cordy fucking her until she knew she was his and his alone.
But all he said was, “I’ve got to check on Connor.” and then he walked up the stairs leaving Cordy to wonder what was wrong.
Part 2
Angel burst into Lorne’s bedroom just as Lorne was about to leave and visit with a client.
“How long has this been going on?” Angel demanded.
“What’s going on?” Lorne asked. He could see the confusion and rage coming off Angel’s aura.
“Cordy and Wes,” Angel said. “It couldn’t have been going on long or I’d know about it.”
“Cordy and Wes,” Lorne repeated with surprise and then started laughing. “Didn’t see that one coming.”
Lorne stopped laughing when he caught Angel’s murderous glare.
“Isn’t this what you wanted?” Lorne asked him. “You’d made up your mind that you couldn’t have Cordy and you wanted her to be with some good guy who could give her all that you couldn’t.”
“I didn’t think..,” Angel stopped himself. He didn’t think Cordy would actually find a guy to be with at least not until Angel was ready for her to find a guy to be with. He was pretty certain he’d never be ready for that.
“Cordy’s the kind you woman you either fight for or walk away from,” Lorne said. “You couldn’t expect her to wait for you when she doesn’t even know how you feel.”
“I don’t want her waiting for me,” Angel lied to himself and Lorne.
“Then what are you doing bursting in to my bedroom?” Lorne asked. “Are you going to fight for her or are you going to let her go?”
Angel didn’t know.
***
Cordy was smiling and humming to herself as she tried on outfits for her date with Wesley. It was so surreal. A week ago the idea of a date with Wesley was laughable and now she was really looking forward to it. She liked getting all dressed up and the suspense over whether or not the guy she was going out with was going to turn out to be the one.
Suddenly she felt a little sad. A week ago she’d been feeling the same kind anticipation before going to the ballet. She and Angel were not about to go on a date but in the back of her mind she’d let herself think of the possibilities. She’d half hoped he would see her all dressed up and then their night out as friends could turn into something more.
She picked up her ringing phone, “Hello.”
“It’s Wesley.”
Cordy’s smiled pushing thoughts of Angel out of her mind, “Yeah Wes?”
“I just wanted to know if I could pick you up at 7?” Wesley asked sounding amused and nervous.
“That’s fine,” Cordy said and then there was a long pause.
“We’re not going to let things get all weird with us are we?” Cordy asked him.
“I think it’s safe to say it’s already weird,” Wesley said.
“But not in the bad way?” Cordy asked.
“No, not in the bad way,” Wesley said. “Promise me something.”
“What?” she asked expecting him to make her promise they would stay friends no matter what. She hoped they would.
“That you’ll wear red. I like you in red,” Wesley said. He could swear he could almost hear her smiling.
“We’ll see,” was her reply. “I’ll see you later.”
“I look forward to it,” Wesley said surprised that he really was looking forward to his evening with Cordy even if he was uncertain about if they were doing the right thing.
“Bye, Wes.”
“Bye, Cordy.”
When her phone rang two minutes later she answered, “Forget something, Wes?”
“It’s Angel.” Those two words lessened Cordy’s pre-date high. She was supposed to be forgetting about Angel and here he was on her phone.
“Or you going to tell me what’s wrong?” she asked remembering his inexplicable anger earlier that day.
“Nothing’s wrong,” Angel replied. “I need...”
“Angel?” Cordy said getting worried.
“You should come by the hotel tonight. We could rent some movies. Hang out with the group,” Angel suggested.
“That sounds fantastic,” Cordy said. “We should do that this weekend.”
“Why not tonight?” Angel asking already knowing she had a date with Wesley.
“I’ve got plans,” Cordy said.
“Cancel them,” Angel replied simply. “You’ve drifted away from the group keeping to yourself lately. I think Fred and the others would really love a movie night.”
Cordy felt guilty knowing she’d been keeping everyone at a distance since the ballet as she tried to put her life in order. She figured Angel might be worried or even angry at her for being so distracted and sad.
“Let’s do this tomorrow night,” Cordy insisted. “I promise I’ll be in a much better mood than I’ve been in lately. I’ve just been adjusting to my half demon status.”
Angel made no reply. Angel noticed she was unhappy and nothing he’d done so far had cheered Cordy up. He didn’t like the idea that a date with Wesley was something that would improve Cordy’s mood. Cheering up Cordy was Angel’s job.
“Are you okay Angel?” Cordy asked.
No “Yeah,” he lied. “I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He hung up the phone and headed downstairs. Wesley greeted him on his way out the door.
“A new client is in the office with Fred and Gunn,” Wesley explained. “There’s a vampire nest uptown.”
“You’re leaving in the middle of a case?” Angel accused knowing exactly where Wesley was headed.
“You and Gunn can handle it,” Wesley replied. “Some of Gunn’s old crew are involved and willing to help. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Wesley walked out of the hotel and instead of going in to the office to interview the new client Angel followed Wesley. Angel couldn’t fight for Cordy, and he couldn’t let her go either.
***
Wesley thought it was nice to have something to look forward to after work. It had been painful for him to go to the hotel with Fred there especially when Gunn was around. He would spend his day torn between just enjoying her presence to dreading it and then he would go home to his empty apartment. The loneliness could crush him but Cordy had figured out a way to save him and herself. Their date might not torn in to the romance Cordy was hoping for but he was looking forward to finding out. Wesley figured they might just end the evening better friends if nothing else could come of it. He was already feeling less alone.
He showed up at Cordy’s door right on time. He didn’t even knock when the door opened.
“Thank you Dennis,” Wesley said stepping into Cordy’s living room.
“I’ll be out in a sec,” Cordy said behind her bedroom door.
“I’ll wait here,” Wesley replied too nervous to sit in the living room.
A moment later her bedroom door opened and Wesley stared at her. She wore a black strapless leather top and a long skirt with a slit at it’s side.
“You look ...” Wesley suddenly could not find the words.
“Thank you,” Cordy said with a bright smile. “You’re not disappointed that I didn’t wear red. I didn’t want to be predictable.”
“You look amazing,” Wesley said and offered her his arm.
“This is scary,” Cordy admitted.
“But the good kind of scary, right?” Wesley said.
“I don’t know,” Cordy replied as they walked out her door. “I’ll let you know at the end of the evening.”
Angel watched them get in to Wesley’s car and drive away. Angel wasn’t far behind in his car. Angel watched Wesley’s car pull up in front of the expensive restaurant. He helped Cordy out of the car. Angel reluctantly left Cordy and Wesley to their date and drove his car towards the hotel. Cordy had looked happy on Wesley’s arm and Angel didn’t want to torture himself watching her. He had to let her be happy even if it meant with someone other than himself.
***
They were halfway through dinner when Cordy realized she didn’t really feel like she was on a date. She was having a wonderful time but it was like having dinner with a close friend which in the end was exactly what she and Wesley were. Close friends. She still hoped they could build on that. Wesley felt the same way.
Later they walked on the beach enjoying a comfortable silence.
“You’re thinking about Fred?” Cordy asked him.
“You’re thinking of Angel,” Wesley replied.
“Angel?” Cordy repeated. “Why would I be thinking about Angel?”
“I figured you out Cordelia,” Wesley said. “You love him.”
“Stop being so damn observant,” Cordy said slapping him on the arm affectionately. “Let’s not think about them tonight. This is supposed to be about us. We should be having fun. Absolutely no brooding.”
An idea suddenly struck Wesley, “Let’s..”
“What?” Cordy asked.
Wesley started unbuttoning his shirt, “Let’s go for a swim.”
“I can not believe that Wesley Wyndham-Pryce wants to skinny dip at the public beach,” Cordy said.
“You could wear your under garments in the water unless...” Wesley paused when it occurred to him that she may not be wearing anything under her outfit. He found himself staring at her.
“Wes, are you picturing me naked?” Cordy asked and was amused at his immediate embarrassment.
“You’re a beautiful woman,” Wesley replied re-buttoning is shirt but Cordy stopped him.
“I want to swim,” Cordy said removing her top and skirt.
She wore a red strapless bra and matching panties.
“See, I did wear red,” Cordy said running into the water.
Wesley followed wearing his boxer shorts as soon as he took off the rest of his clothes.
***
Even after going after that vampire nest with Gunn Angel had felt too tense. Angel had pretty much demolished the punching bag in the basement. Angel decided he couldn’t take it anymore. He left the hotel and went to find Cordy.
Part 3
Cordy wasn’t at her apartment which frustrated Angel because it was 1am. She wasn’t at Wesley’s but Angel couldn’t be relieved about that because Wesley wasn’t home either. Angel couldn’t believe they were still on their date this late at night. Cordy and Wes couldn’t believe it either. They sat in the backseat of Wesley’s car making out half naked like they were in highschool.
“If we don’t stop now,” Wesley said barely catching his breath. “We won’t ever stop.”
“Good,” Cordy said pulling his mouth to hers.
Later they ended up sitting on the hood of Wesley’s car watching the sunrise. Cordy noticed Wesley was lost in thought.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Cordy said.
“Do you?” Wesley asked her with a slight smile.
Cordy nodded, “Cause I’m thinking the same thing.”
“What am I thinking?” Wesley asked.
“You’re thinking ‘Gee you’re great Cordy and I’m attracted to you but I can’t love you’,” Cordy said with a sad smile.
“I love Fred,” Wesley said. “And you love Angel.”
“Why couldn’t we be smart and love each other?” Cordy said resting her head on Wesley’s shoulder.
“Love unfortunately has nothing to do with intelligence,” Wesley said wrapping an arm around her.
“So we’re just doomed to be stupid inlove,” Cordy said.
“I’m doomed,” Wesley said. “I don’t know about you yet. Angel could find a way around the curse you know.”
“And then he’ll run back to Buffy,” Cordy said.
“Cordy...” Wesley began.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” Cordy said.
“Thank you,” Wesley said.
“For?” Cordy asked.
“Last night was...” Wesley didn’t have the words.
“Yeah,” Cordy agreed. “It was...”
***
It was painful the next morning when Angel walked down to the lobby and realized Cordy’s scent was all over Wesley.
“Where’s Cordy?’ Angel asked.
“She’ll be in later,” Wesley replied.
“We need to talk,” Angel said to Wesley.
They went into Wesley’s office. Wesley raised an eyebrow when Angel took his seat behind the desk forcing Wesley to sit on the opposite side.
“What are you doing with Cordy?” Angel demanded quietly. It was the dangerous kind of quiet like the one before a storm.
“What are you doing with Cordy?” was Wesley’s unexpected reply.
“I’m not the one sleeping with her,” Angel replied. It was taking all his will power not to jump over the desk and strangle Wesley.
“If you want to know what’s going on between Cordelia and myself you will have to ask her,” Wesley said leaving the office.
“If you hurt her, I’ll...” Angel began.
Wesley interrupted, “I’m not the one who could hurt her.”
***
It was torture for Angel as he sat beside Cordy. They were all sitting in the Lobby together watching the movies Fred and Cordy had picked out. Normally Cordy’s scent was something that could either calm or excite him but tonight he wanted some distance from her. She reeked of Wesley.
Cordy was in a good mood. She was holding Connor in her arms and sat between Fred and Angel on the couch. Her date with Wesley hadn’t turned into a great love but their night together had recharged her. The only damper on her evening was Angel who was clearly distracted and unhappy.
“We need more goodies,” Fred said getting up from the couch.
“Stay and sit,” Gunn said already standing. “I’ll get more popcorn.”
“I’m going to get some more cola,” Wesley said following Gunn into the kitchen.
Fred smiled at Wesley as he walked back to the kitchen.
“His date must have been great last night cause he’s been a great mood all day,” Fred whispered to Cordy.
“One night with an amazing woman could do that to a guy,” Cordy said.
“Do you know who he was out with last night?” Fred asked. Now that she was with Gunn she wanted everyone around her in love as well.
“Yeah who was he with last night?” Angel asked Cordy with an edge to his voice.
And Cordy suddenly realized Angel knew about her and Wesley.
“Damn vampire senses,” Cordy muttered getting up from the couch. “I’m going to put Connor to bed.”
Cordy wasn’t surprised when Angel followed her in to his bedroom. They didn’t say a word to each other as Cordy placed the sleeping infant in his crib.
“I don’t need your approval, Angel,” Cordy began.
“Good cause you’re not going to get it,” Angel replied.
“Before you get all weird about Wesley and me you should know there is no Wesley and me,” Cordy said walking out of Angel’s room. “There isn’t even a point in talking about it.”
Angel followed her out in the hallway, “What do you mean there is no Wesley and you?”
“We’re not a couple,” Cordy said.
“Did he take advantage of you last night?” Angel said thinking of ways to kill Wesley slowly.
“This is Wesley we’re talking about,” Cordy said. “He’s not going to hurt me like that.”
“You had sex with him!” Angel accused.
“So what!” Cordy yelled. “I didn’t break any laws. I didn’t hurt anybody. I just had a great night with a close friend. You aren’t going to make me feel bad about this.”
“I don’t understand you at all,” Angel said.
“Well, that’s no surprise,” Cordy said suddenly tired.
“I don’t want..” Angel hesitated. “I don’t want it to happen again. You and Wesley.”
“You don’t get a say in that,” Cordy said storming away from him.
But Angel couldn’t let her walk away. He grabbe her and spun her around to face him.
“What do you want from me Angel?” Cordy asked him.
She watched him intently as Angel struggled with the words, “I want ..”
He gave up trying to find the words and just kissed her with everything he had. Cordy surprised him by shoving him away instead of continuing with the kiss.
“I don’t doubt that you want me, Angel. I never doubted that,” Cordy said. “But I need to know I’m not some consolation prize.”
“Consolation prize?” Angel asked bewildered.
“Do you want me because you can’t have what you really want? Because you can’t have, Buffy?” Cordy asked. “She’s been the only constant in your heart.”
“Do you really think I could hurt you that way?” Angel asked her getting angry.
“You don’t get to be offended, Angel,” Cordy said refusing to back down. “You have this bad habit of getting attached to women and just moving on from them to the next one. Kate, Darla...I could go on. You never intend to hurt, but it happens.”
“What can I say, what can I do to get you to trust me?” Angel asked.
There wasn’t anything he could do. She had to either take the risk with him or walk away. Cordy stepped towards him deciding to take the risk with him. He opened his arms and held her.
“I love you, Cordy,” Angel said. “We’ll make this work.”
“I love you, too,” Cordy said relaxing in his arms. “But I will kick your ass if you screw this up.”
“I don’t doubt it,” Angel said before he leaned down to kiss her.
He picked her up and took her to his bedroom.
“Angel we can’t,” Cordy said when he placed her on his bed.
“I know, but I can make you perfectly happy.” Angel said removing her clothes. “Do you know how crazy it makes me that you have his scent all over you.”
He didn’t let her speak. He just kept kissing her. Fucking her mouth with his tongue.
“I need to make you mine,” Angel said taking a step back and letting her breathe.
She unbuttoned his shirt and said, “I’ll deny this if you ever repeat it, but I am yours.” Then she ran her hand over his crotch. “And you’re mine.”
Cordy laughed when Angel tackled her, and they both fell on the bed.
Ends.