Title: Forgotten, but Not Gone
Author: LondnRain
Posted: 12-14-2001
Disclaimers: Don't own, I wish, but I don't...
Distribution: Yeah if you want take, I don't care, just tell me first
Feedback: Oh yeah, I live on it...so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!
Authors Note: Ok it's starts off really fast, but I really wanted to get all the beginning stuff out of the way. So ignore how fast it goes alright?...
Part 1 (of ?)
"Hey, Cordy." He walked into the room and she looked up and smiled at him
"Hi" Her warm smile seemed to melt even his cold unbeating heart.
"So what's on the agenda for today?"
"Not much." She placed a hand on her cheek and looked a little disappointed.
"Still no visions?"
"Nope and I haven't decided if that's a good thing or a bad thing."
"Well, lets just be happy you're not writhing in pain."
"I thought you liked me having the visions."
"I like the fact that you are my seer, but I don't like the pain you have to endure to be so."
"You know you worry too much."
"Only about those I care about."
"I'll be fine, and you've said it yourself, I'm strong. I can handle any..." she gasps "...thing" she finishes before she starts to fall. Angel quickly catches her before she hits the ground.
"Cordy? Are you ok? Cordy..." Sh lays still in in his arms. He closes he eyes in concentration, she's still alvie, he can feel it. He can hear her heart beat and breathing, although both are faint. Then why isn't she waking up?, he kept thinking. He shakes her lightly, still no response. He picks her up and carries her to his bedroom. He places her on the bed and tucks her in.
"You're gonna be ok, Cordy, I promise. I won't leave your side unti you wake up and you will wake up." He kissed the top of her head as he smoothe back her hair off her forehead. His hand then gently took hold of hers as he just watched and willed her to wake up.
****************************************
"Is he still in there?" Wes asked Fred as she came down the stairs
"Yup, he won't budge. He just sits and stares at her, occassionally he'll growl, but mostly it's him brooding and staring." She set thet mug she was carrying on the table.
"Did he at least eat?"
"He took a sip then handed it back, it's progress I guess."
"It's been 3 days, Fred, he can't go on like this much longer."
"He's taking it kinda hard isn't he, worse then the rest of us."
"Well, Cordelia and him have grown quite close in the past few years. He's always been very over protective of her. One might say she means everything to him."
"Moira." She muttered solemnly.
"What was that, Fred?"
Nothing. Any luck finding out why what happened to Cordelia, well happened to Cordelia?"
"Not yet, but I'm narrowing it down. I could use your help with the research."
"Sure, I'd love to help. Two heads are better then one, I always say."
"Good, you take those books and I'll take these." He pointed to two large stacks of books.
"I thought you said you narrowed it down?"
"Oh, I did, you should've seen the...uh...earlier stack." Fred sighed and made her way over to her pile, took the first book off the top and started her research.
****************************************
"Cordy? I know you're in there and you're gonna wake up or...I don't know what I'll do, but...you just gotta wake up. There is no negotiating this time. I know how stubbern you can be, but now is not the time to show your stubbern side. It's not the same without you here bossing me arround and rolling your eyes at me. I know you want to come to and tell me to knock off my brooding and quit hovering. I'd give anything for you to yell at me or give me one of your famous tounge lashings. Come on yell at me, lecture me, call me a anything you want...even a eunich. I promise I won't even argue with you this time, even though I'm not one. I'd do anything...anything."
"Anything?" A voice came from behind him. Angel turned around sharply, never letting go of Cordelia's hand.
"Who are you?"
"The answer to your prayers."
"I don't pray."
"Well then I'm here to help."
"So I ask again, who are you."
"Name's Stan." He stuck out his hand and withdrew it quickly when Angel just stared at the outstreched hand. "Ok not one for formalities I can see that. I promise I'm here to help you out. I'm a...uh...guess you could say...a wish demon. I grant wishes to those in dire need of them."
"Why should I believe you?"
"I know you want your seer to wake up."
"How did you know she's my seer?"
"Duh, I know everything about you and her, it's part of the job description."
"Oh, then do you know what's wrong with her?"
"That I do."
"Well..."
"Her last vision completely wiped her out, her mind was on overload and just shut down."
"So you can make the load a little lighter, so to say?"
"In a manor of speaking, yeah."
"Will she wake up on her own?"
"Doubtful, very doubtful."
"So what are you waiting for? Wake her up."
"Well there is a little price tag on this ya know?"
"Of course, the enevitable catch, what do you want? Money, power, my soul? What?
"No, all I want is your memories."
"My memories?"
"Of her." He pointed to Cordy laying so still on the bed.
"You want to take away my memories of Cordelia? Why?"
"That's my M.O. I give people their wishes and in return I get their most precious memories and as I see it there is none more precious to you then her."
"I won't remember her at all?"
"Every moment you two have shared will be erased nad times when you two were with others, in your mind she wasn't there."
"A life without Cordelia? I-I don't know." He looked over at his beautiful seer. "Are you sure there is no other way."
"None that I can see. Hey, man, I'm sorry, but if you don't decide fast, you'll lose her anyway."
"What do you mean?"
"Everyday she doesn't wake up body starts it's slow shut down until there is no heartbeat nad no breathing. I know you've noticed that they get fainter and fainter, weaker and weaker everyday."
"Yeah, I noticed."
"So, what's your choice, your seer alive or..."
"Fine, do it, as long as Cordy's alright." The demon made his way over to her and rested his hands on her head. He muttered an incantation and a flash of light lit up the room and the demon disappeared. Angel blinked and Cordelia's eyes fluttered open.
"Angel?" He turned at the sound of his name.
"Hmm?"
"Oh, Angel, you're here."
"Yeah, I guess I am."
"I knew you'd find away to get me back to you, you always do."
"I do?"
"Yeah, silly. What's wrong, you're acting strange, stranger then usual if that's even possible." She giggled slightly then her smile faded as he stared at her in utter confusion.
"Can I ask you question?"
"Yeah, anything."
"Who are you?"
Part 2 (of ?)
"Ok, Angel, Ha ha...jokes over, very funny." Cordy tried not to feel like sh had been socked in the stomach...he had to be joking.
"Should I know you?"
"Angel, it's me, Cordelia Chase, your friend, your seer."
"Impossable, my seer died and he was well a he."
"You mean Doyle"
"How do you know Doyle?"
"Hello, the three of us basically started Angel Investigations. We were all very close, we were all friends, more like family."
"I have aboslutely no idea what you are talking aboutand you are starting to creep me out."
"I'm creeping you out? You don't remember me of all people! What happened did you hit your head?" She stood up and placed a hand on his head. He recoiled and backed away. She stared at him tears filling her eyes.
"Ok, I'm going downstairs now. I don't know who you are and now you're making me uncomfortable."
"Angel, I'm begging you if this is some kind of joke, it's mean and cruel."
"I assure you I'm not joking, I don't know you, get that throught your head!" He yelled the last part at her. He looked at her coldly and she winced at his icy gaze. She felt her heart break as he walked out the door. She crupled to the ground and started to cry.
*************
"Hey, Wes?" Angel walked down the stairs, his face firm and expressionless and it confused Wesley.
"Yes Angel?"
"There is a strage girl in my room, would you kindly ask her to leave, i don't have it in me." He walked past Wes and Fred and sat on the couch.
Strange girl? Could you...uh...describe her?" Angel sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Dark hair...shouldar length, dark eyes, I guess she's kinda pretty. She claims she knows me, but I've never seen her before in my life. She told me her name...weird name...started with a 'C' I think."
"Cordelia?" Wes offered.
"That's it, she says she knows Doyle also, but it's impossable."
"Angel, it's Cordelia." He said the name slower.
"You said her name already, I don't care to memorize it, I just want her out of here. I don't do well with strage women."
"I don't understand, you actually want Cordelia to leave."
I just said that, Geez, I thought you were a little smarter than that Wes, God." He grabbed a book and just started flipping through it muttering something about incompetance.
"Fred, why don't you come with me, we'll go get rid of the girl for Angel."
"Yeah, Fred, and leave me the hell alone." Angel got up and went into Wesley's office slamming the door behind him. Fred jumped at the loud sound.
"That wasn't..."
"No, that's not Angelus, but that definatly isn't Angel."
"Wes, please tell me you know what's going on."
"I haven't the foggiest. We usually can't pry Angel away from Cordelia and now he's ordering us to get rid of her."
"Poor Cordy."
"Yes, indeed." Wesley and Fred made their way to Angel's room. When they opened the door they saw Cordelia crying on the floor. Fred imediatly went over to her and pulled her into a comforting embrace.
"Fred, it doesn't make sense...it doesn't make sense." She sobbed.
"I'm sorry, so sorry. Is there anything we can do?"
"Tell me doesn't remember you and Wes either?" She looked at Fred hopefully.
"He doesn't remember me and Wes either." She stated unsurely and the hopefullness on Cordelia's face faded.
"You're lying?"
"Yup, I wish I wasn't."
"Thanks for trying. At least tell me it's something supernatural. I mean it has to be right? He couldn't just wake up one day and be 'Cordy who' could he?"
"I'm going to look into it, but first I need to know somethings."
"What?"
"First, are you ok?"
"Other then my best friend not recongnizing me and leaving this large gaping hole in my heart, yeah I'm peachy."
"Cordelia, I'm sorry this is happening, but I need you to focus, this could be important. Before you passed out, was it a vision that did that?"
"Yeah, why?"
"What was the vision of?"
"Nothing really."
"What do you mean?"
"It was nothing, a white light, very bright then darkness."
"Think, Cordelia, is there anything else?"
"It was like my body started to shut down, it was strange."
"From the vision?"
"I guess, but that's just it, it wasn't a normal vision. Sure the pain was there and all, but no images to accompany it. I don't know how to explain it."
"Stange?...hmmm...if you remember anythin else..."
"Of course, I'll tell you right away. So how is he?"
"Different, he's...colder and I don't mean in temperture."
"Yeah I noticed ta too. he looked at me and it was as if I didn't recognize him for a second or rather more like I did recognize him."
"That doesn't make sense." Fred gazed up at her a little confused.
"No, I mean, more like he was when he first came to LA. He was different when he first got here, unattached to the victims he helped, unsympathetic. By the time I really joined though, he was on his way to being the Angel we all know."
"You were good for him." Fred stated matter of factly.
"Huh?"
"Well it seems to me that you and I guess Doyle too, tought him to be more compassionte and made him realize he was able to care about something again."
I guess, but it's not like he didn't have it in him, hello Buffy tought him about ove an all that."
"Yeah then he and Buffy broke up."
"His idea. Hey why do you think it's me who made him more compassionate."
"God, woman are you daft? You have to be the blindest seer I've ever known!" Wes interjected.
"I'm the only seer you've ever known."
"Yes, true, but still...that's besides the point. You really don't know do you?"
"What?"
"Who did Angel bend over backwords for to get him to forgive him after his epiphany? Who did he jump blindly into not one, but two hell dimensions for? And who did he spend the last 3 days straight by this bed for?"
"Well the first one, I was hurt, the rest of you were all ready starting to get back to normal, I can't forgive and forget so easily. And the other two he would've done for anybody wouldn't he?"
"Cordy, his life is embedded in yours. You are everything to him."
"Correction were. He doens't care about me anymore, he doesn't care about anything."
"I don't understand this. He was by Cordy's bed side for 3 days not eating or sleeping, just watching and waiting for her to wake up right? He would've done anything to make sure she woke up and was safe..."
"Fred, i think you just stumbled upon something...of course, why didn't I think of this before."
"What is it Wes?"
"Angel, he must have made a deal with somebody or something to wake up Cordy."
"What he would give up me, just to help me out? That sounds like Angel alright, act first think about the consequences later."
"Fred I need you to hlp me research. Look for anything that takes peoples memoreis as payment."
"Alright, Cordy, are you gonna be alright?"
"I think you need to go home and get some rest."
"Why? I was resting for 3 days, I'm awake and ready to help"
"You've been through a lot, i think it's best you go home. Dennis must be worried sick about you."
"True, but...hey why are you trying to get rid of me? It's mr ice water for viens isn't it?"
"He doesn't know you and lets face it he never was mr. Sociable."
"I know, but that doesn't make it hurt less when he pushes me away. I mean, god, how I wish he was just beige again, at least then I figured he'd snap out of it eventually and he remembered me."
"I promise we'll get his memories back."
"Really?"
"Of course, it's whatwe do. Let us know if you get a vision or remember anything more from the previous one."
"Sure thing. hey you think if he snaps out of this, I'll get a new wardrobe again?"
**************
Stan sat in a chair in a plush office talking to the figure hidden in the shadows behind the desk.
"I did what you said boss. Angel's memories are no more. So um now there is the little matter of payment for serveces rendered." A hand pushed an envelope of money towards him. "Thanks for...pleasure doing buisness with you." He got up and rushed out of the office after recieving his cash. The figure sat forward.
"Angel without his precious seer, his humanizing influence, I guess he can kiss his redemption goodbye. Won't the senior partners be pleased. Angel made a big mistake lettin on how much that girl means to him...oops I mean ment to him." Lilah Morgan sat back in her chair a big smirk lit up her face.
Part 3 (of ?)
Angel sat on the couch reading a book when Cordelia finally came downstairs. She let out a small sigh.
"Angel." He ignored her. She started walking closer to him. "Angel?" He turned the page in his book still ignoring her. "ANGEL!" She stomped her foot in frustration, but still he didn't even look up. She let out a low growl and snatched the book out of his hands and threw it across the room. He looked at her angry and annoyed. He stood up and walked toward the book , but she blocked his path.
"Um, could you move?"
"Um...no, you are gonna listen to me."
"Oh am I?"
"Yup." She crossed her arms.
"And what's to stop me from forcibly moving you out of my way."
"Cuz it won't stop me, not much really can once I set my mind on something, you used to know that."
"If I stand here andat least pretend to listen, will it make you leave quicker."
"Yeah, sure, why not."
"Fine and be quick about it."
"Well I never promised to be quick. I think you should sit down." He rolled his eyes, but reluctantly complied.
"Fine, sitting, what is so damn important?"
"I think it's time you had a history lesson." His eyes shot up in confusion. "Cordy and Angel 101."
"Oh, no, I'm out of here."
"Fine, but I"ll follow you and since it's daytime there are only so many places that you can hide." He opened his mouth to speak, but she beat him to it. "Oh and and the sewers? Don't even think about it, I know them just as well as you do. So what will it be, stay here or have me play stalker girl."
"Fine, whatever, get on with this little 'lesson'"
"Good, Wesley said that it was most likely a demon that did this to you...forget me and everything we were...are to each other."
"Oh, ok, a demon stole my memories of you, I can buy that. So what were you, my girlfriend or something."
"No no no no no, definatly or something, no girlfriend...just really close friends." She began to tell him about how they first met in Sunnydale up to the present in LA.
"Ok I'm caught up, can I leave now."
"God you don't get it do you?"
"Get what?"
"When you found me here in LA and saved me from that Russel guy you gave me more than a job, you gave me a purpose and a family. You and Doyle accepted me and I felt like I belonged for the first time in like...well ever. So it really hurts when you don't have a clue as to who I am. You brush me aside just like everyone else in my life has and because it's you it hurts more than anything else could. You are the one person I trust more than anything, so you see your not remembering me is just not acceptable. I want you to know me even if we have to start from scratch. You are everything to me, my friend, my warrior, my family."
"Are you sure there isn't something else going on. I mean if you know me so well and care this much about me...are you sure we never dated?"
"Positive, you are and always will be in love with Buffy, you do remember Buffy don't you?"
"Yeah, of course, I could never forget her."
"Yeah, of course not." Bitter resentment filled her voice. "Anyway, all I was saying is I refuse to be runner up to anyone, especially 'little miss likes to fight'"
"Are you done yet, I'm strangely tired."
"Well staying by my bedside 3 days strait i guess would tend to wear one out."
"Fine, so were done."
"Yeah." He turned to leave. "Oh and Angel, I'm not leaving you. You're too important to me."
"Really?" Skepticism laced his voice and expressions.
"Yeah, really, you always have been. Cause even if you don't remember me I remember you and I'm not giving up on you." His eyes started to soften and she smiled as she could sense his wall starting to crumbling. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it reasuringly. He looked down at the hand confused for a second then he quickly dropped it as if it had burned him. A second later his walls were back up full force and Cordelia felt her heart break all over again.
"I think you should go, now." She bit ehr lip to keep from crng and ran out the door slamming it on her way out. She slumped down on the front steps and buried her head in her hands as she let her tears overwhelm her once more.
****************************************
Angel watched her run out and winced when the door slammed. He saw his book on the floor and retrieved it. He sat back down on the couch and started to read again, but her words kept popping into his mind. She cared about him, trusted him, promised not leave him and he pushed her aside. He rationalized that it was for her own good. He couldn't let anyone in, had to be shut off because letting someone close would only lead to hurt and pain. He heard the door slam again and didn't look up thinking it was probably her again.
"You!" A loud male voice bellowed and Angel slowly looked up and was met with angry dark eyes.
"Yes?"
"What did you do to Barbie?" Angel stifled a laugh.
"Nothing, I don't play with dolls." Gunn grabbed Angels shirt and yankedhim off the couch and pinned hi to the wall his arm at Angel's throat.
"Don't play dumb with me. She's out there crying and there is only one person er thing that can do that to her."
"Oh, her. She's a girl they all tend to get a little weepy."
"Not Cordelia, she's strong man and I've rarely ever seen her cry. Man what is your deal." Gunn let him go and Angel fell to the floor. He looked up searching the dark eyes for truth.
"She was crying?"
"Yeah sobbing those pretty little eyes out."
"Over me?"
"That's what I'm trying to figure out. English calls me and tells me some demon did a mind warp thing on ya nd now Barbie's no more in your head."
"I guess that about sums it up."
"Stay away from her."
"Believe me I'm trying, she won't leave me alone." There was a slight pause. "She was really crying?"
"Yes!"
"Wow..." He looked down and stood up then began pacing.
"Sit down, man, you're making me dizzy."
"I don't understand it." He said to himslef forgetting Gunn was in the room
"What don't you understand?"
"I can't let anyone in, why does he make me want to let down my walls? How can one girl I don't even know do that?" Just then they heard a scream. Gunn and Wesley, who seemed to appear out of nowhere, rushed outside. Angel stood back and let them by. He heard the scream again.
"Angel, we meed some help here." Wesley called.
"Sunlight." he muttered to himself.
"Angel!" He heard her gasp and that did it.
"Oh, hell." He grabbed a blanket off the couch and threw it over him and rushed outside.
Part 4 (of ?)
He rushed outside and scooped up Cordy and ran back inside before the blanket had more than just a little smoke rising off of it.
"I really hope she appreciates this," he muttered to himself as he laid her down on the couch and used the blanket to cover her. Gunn and Wes followed inside and went to her side while Angel hung back.
"Cordy, what did you see?" Wes inquired when she began to open her eyes. She quickly closed them again and groaned in obvious pain.
"Is there anything I can do?" Angel volunteered, feeling helpless.
"Aspirin, quickly." Angel went to the medicine cabinet and found quite a few bottles inside. He grabbed one labeled "Extra Strength" and a glass of water. He went over to her and handed her two of the pills and the water and was rewarded with a grateful smile as she took them. He couldn't help but smile back at her.
"Is she gonna be ok?" He whispered to Gunn, surprisingly worried about the girl.
"This time…"
"What do you mean 'this time'?"
"For someone who doesn't give a damn you sure are asking a lot of questions."
"God, never mind." He threw his hands up in defeat and went down to the training room.
"Cordy, the vision?" Wes tried again.
"Angel…" She choked out.
"He's downstairs do you want me to go and get him?" Wes offered, but she shook her head.
"No, no it was about Angel."
"What about him?"
"The demon, I saw the demon and Angel."
"What did he look like."
"He looked like Angel, like he does right now."
"Not Angel, the demon."
"Oh, he looked human until he…he placed his hands on…on me then he showed his true form."
"Which is?"
"Gray with white eyes…his power is in…in his hands…emits a blinding white light then…disappears."
"Did it say how to stop him or reverse the process?" Cordelia shook her head and looked away sadly. "It's okay, this helps tremendously in the search. The sooner we find out what it is we can figure out how to get Angel back to his old self."
"That would be nice." She was still a bit hoarse.
Cordelia maybe you should rest." Gunn suggested.
"Yeah, I'm…I'm a little wiped. Hey, but Wes, if you find anything…"
"I'll wake you up that very second, I promise."
"Thank you." She started to sit up, to go to a room upstairs, and felt a bit dizzy so she laid back down. "You know on second thought the couch is pretty comfy."
"Yes, and it will make it easier for me to come and get you when I find something." Wes gave her a reassuring smile.
"Now close your eyes and rest, can't have you too tired to fight the good fight and help out dead boy can we?" Gunn added. Cordelia smiled wearily at her friends knowing what they were trying to do. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.
******************************
Angel was doing his Tai Chi trying to gain some semblance of control over himself, to get all thoughts of the beautiful girl upstairs in pain out of his head. He closed his eyes trying to push everything out of his mind, but images of her smiling at him, touching him, holding her in his arms, refused to leave him.
"Damn her!" He yelled and knocked over a vase of plastic flowers. "Why the hell are there flowers down here?"
"Cordelia did that awhile ago, she thought it would brighten up the place." Angel turned around suddenly at the voice to see Fred come down the stairs.
"Haven't you ever heard of knocking." He snapped.
"Sorry, I was just wondering if you would like to help us research."
"What are you researching?"
"The demon in Cordy's vision, it's the same one that took your memories of her away."
"That's what she saw?"
"Yup."
"Fred, what's wrong with her?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well I asked Gunn if she was going to be okay and he answered 'this time.' What did he mean by that?" Fred bit her bottom lip a little nervous and sad.
"She's dying Angel, I guess you forgot that too huh?"
"What? That can't be, dying? But she's so vibrant, strong…young."
"Yeah she is, but the visions, she can't handle them much longer. It's kinda the unspoken truth around here. We don't really like to think about it, but one day a vision will most likely kill her."
"Is that why she said I stayed by her bed for 3 days?"
"Yup, you were so worried about her, you would barely eat and didn't sleep at all."
"But, but she's okay now right?"
"Yeah, she's sleeping on the couch. Wesley said she was too weak to make it to a room."
"Oh. Um, Fred, I'll be up in a minute to research. The quicker this is over the better." Fred nodded and retreated up the stairs. Angel bent down and picked up a red plastic flower and closed his eyes as he tried to absorb what Fred had just told him. A single tear rolled down his cheek.
*****************************
Angel closed the door gently behind him and saw Gunn, Wes and Fred all buried in a book or computer screen, they didn't even notice him. He made his way over to the couch and saw her curled up in a peaceful slumber. He let a smile briefly cross his lips. He couldn't explain it, but this girl had managed to get under his skin in what was a matter of hours. All those years he spent building his walls and they threatened to crumble at a mere smile. This had never happened before, but it felt good, too good. He wanted to open up and to allow himself to care about something, to risk the hurt, but he couldn't. He couldn't risk it, not now, not after he knew that she'd be gone someday soon. He made the mistake once with letting Doyle in and was left with nothing but emptiness and pain. He had promised himself, then, that being alone was best. Cordelia started to toss and turn bringing him out of his brooding. He watched her for a moment more before he picked her up reveling in the feel of her in his arms again. He carried her to his room, placed her on his bed, and tucked her in. His hand smoothed her hair back and then he bent down and kissed her on the top of her head tentatively. Her eyes fluttered open.
"Angel?"
"Shh, go back to sleep."
"Thank you." She smiled and closed her eyes.
"You just looked uncomfortable is all." He whispered in her ear. He waited until her breath grew even before he silently left the room sneaking one last gorgeous glimpse before heading back downstairs once again reminding himself of the risk involved with letting someone get to him, but for some reason the risk started to seem insignifigant.
Part 5 (of ?)
Angel reached the bottom of the stairs and saw Fred look up at him, she smiled at sweetly at him. He nodded in her direction and walked over to the gang.
"So did you super sleuths find out anything yet?"
"We have come up with a few leads, we're looking for more." Wes answered, as the others were busy researching.
"So what does this thing look like, do we even know?"
"Coredlia said it was white with gray eyes and that when he performs his magic a white light emits and then he is gone."
"Ok add to that that he takes away peoples memories, or rather something's memories, because you aren't a people, you’re a vampire and even though you may act like a person and eve look like a person you don't breath or have a heart beat like a normal person, but I suppose you were a person once, so does the term person still apply to you even though you technically aren't one? I've always wondered that, because it seems wrong to call you a thing…"
"Fred, breathe." Gunn interrupted.
"Sorry, anyway, the demon, right. He takes away something's memories, he is in human guise before he performs his magic, and he uses the memories as some form of payment."
"Payment?" Angel asked.
"Yes, Cordelia was unconscious for days then suddenly wakes up and you've forgotten all about her. The only thing we could come up with is that you traded your memories for her life."
"Wow, I did that?"
"Yup, when it comes to Barbie you would do anything to save her."
"So do I…love her?"
"As a friend, yes, as anything else, I'm not sure. You certainly were showing the signs. You and her have Kye-rumption ya know." Fred smiled proudly.
"Kye what?"
"Kye-rumption, it means…."
"When two great hero's meat on a battlefield and recognize there mutual fate." Gunn and Wes recited in unison.
"It's also a type of grog made out of yox dung." Gunn added and stuck his tongue out at Wesley.
"Hey, guys, will you at least let me tell him about Moira, these are MY words ya know?"
"Sorry." They both muttered.
"Ok, Fred whose Moira?"
"Moira is the gut physical attraction between two larger than life souls." Gunn and Wesley mouthed it over her shoulder as she spoke. Angel had to struggle to keep his composure and not bust out laughing. Since when did he want to laugh with Wes, Gunn, and Fred as if they were one big happy family.
"So you think I had feelings for her?"
"Oh yeah." All three spoke in unison.
"Ok enough about the soap opera that is Angel and Cordy, lets get back to work, I'm still the boss you know. Even though no one seems to remember that!" The other 3 grumbled at Wes' order and went back to their books. Angel sat and thought for a second, he needed to do something to keep his mind off of Cordelia. He picked up his book again which was lying on the desk. He flipped through the pages when something caught his eye. He intently read the words on the page and then turned to the next page and stared at the picture of the demon he was just reading about.
"Wes, I think I might've found something. Take a look at this." He placed the book under his nose and pointed to the picture.
"That does look like what Cordelia described." He turned back a page to read about the demon. "Yes this sounds about right."
"English, give already, what does it say?"
"Stansecore Demon, steals memories for payment when someone makes a wish. It goes on and talks about the white light and everything Cordelia described."
"So we found our demon?"
"Yes, it seems so."
"So now that we know what it is how do we stop it?" Fred wondered.
"It doesn't say. Fred look for some sites on the demon and see if you can find out anything that would be useful. Gunn and I will continue looking through the books.
"What do you want me to do?" Angel inquired.
"Go show Cordelia the picture and make sure we got the right guy." Angel nodded and started for the stores. "Oh and Angel, good work." Angel gave a brief half smile to Wes before going to check on Cordy. He took in a deep unnecessary breath before entering the room. He didn't know why he was so nervous, it was just a girl, a girl who knew every facet of him. A girl that threatened everything he knew and felt or didn't feel as the case was. A girl that looked so sweet and innocent when she slept, but he knew she was anything but when awake. He crept in the door silently and couldn't take his eyes off of her. He smiled at the sleeping figure. He continued quietly to her bedside and waited a few minutes before waking her up, wanting to memorize every feature on her beautiful sleeping figure, determined to never forget it again.
"Hey, wake up." He whispered softly in her ear as he gently shook her. She groaned still sleepy.
"What?" Her voice was thick with sleep she rubbed her eyes and her eyes finally focused as she saw Angel on her bedside. She smiled at him until she remembered the situation. "Oh, did Wes find something?"
"Well, it was me, but yeah."
"You found something? What is it?"
"Take a look at this picture." He opened the book and she stared hard at it. "Is this the demon from your vision."
"I think it is."
"You think?"
"No, I know. I'm Cordelia I don't think I know." She reminded herself more than Angel. Everything was so confusing that she wasn't even sure if her mantra fit her anymore. At this point she didn't know anything, her world was turned upside down and inside out. She tried to remind herself that Angel was not the Angel she knew, but for some reason it just wouldn't sink in. He kept contradicting everything he did or said. He would brush her off like she was nothing then he would run out into the sunlight or put her to bed after her vision. He was making even less sense then usual. She just wanted her Angel back, the Angel that made her feel like she was special and worth being his seer and friend, of course when this Angel smiled at her it felt like nothing had changed.
Well, good then, so that's it. We'll find out what it is and kill it."
"Good."
"Good." He started for the door again to leave.
"Angel, you don't have to go."
"Yes, I do."
"Why?"
"You don't understand."
"What don't I understand, Angel, talk to me."
"I don't know you."
"Yes you do, you are probably the one person or whatever that does know me."
"Ok, I don't remember knowing you, and that makes this all the more confusing."
"All of what?"
"God, are you a witch or something also?"
"Me? No. That's Willows deal, not me."
"Than why do I feel…"
"Feel what?"
"That's just it, I don't know, it's been so long since I've felt anything. You make me just, feel, and that is something that can't happen."
"Why not, why shut yourself off like that? It's not healthy."
"Maybe not, but it's the only way I know to stay safe."
"Safe from what?"
"You ask a lot of questions you know that?"
"I'm just trying to figure out what's going on, trying to get to know this you."
"Safe from being hurt. If I shut out everything and every emotion then there is no risk of getting hurt."
"That's no way to live. Sometimes you have to just jump in and take that risk because if you don't you chance missing out on something that has the potential to be something truly wonderful."
"I told you, you wouldn't understand."
"I'm trying, really I am. Angel listen to me. I know you've been hurt a lot in your very long life, most recently by Buffy and Doyle."
Yeah, great bring them up, that'll really help."
"Sh, listen. You loved Buffy, she was everything to you and then it ended and I know how badly that hurts. Then with Doyle he was the next person you let into your life and to lose him like that was really painful. I don't blame you for shutting yourself out, it's only natural. Heck I did it through most of my childhood until I fell for Xander, big mistake, and started to let my guard down, but ended up getting really hurt in the end. The walls started to go up again and then you came into my life and really showed me that it was ok to be me, the real me, the me I kept hidden all these years. You mean the world to me and I can't lose you, please don't let me lose you too. I'll take you anyway I can get you, just don't make me go through this alone."
"Through what?" He grew worried.
"Everything, fighting demons, life in general, the visions." She said the last part half under her breath.
"Yeah, Fred told me."
"Oh. I'm just scared and if I don't have you then I don't know how I can bare to go on."
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry?" she choked out.
"That I can't be who you want me to be. I'm sorry, it's too hard and I can't do it, no matter how much I may want to. You are the first person since Doyle to make me want to chance everything that I've worked so hard at. I feel when I'm around you and that's something that I can't let happen. I'm so sorry. I think maybe it would be best if we just steered clear of each other for awhile."
"Angel, no." She sobbed. He turned to leave again and she grabbed his arms. "I'm not going to lose you, you're all I have left."
"What about the other's downstairs."
"They don't know me like you do."
"Actually right now they know you a hell of a lot better than I do."
"You know me even now, you just don't know it. You brought me up here and tucked me in, kissed me on my forehead just like you always do. I bet you even turned back around before you left just to watch me sleep."
"So…so what does that prove."
"Everything, you know just what I need and you cater to it, just like you always have. You are still Angel, even without your memories. You are still the one to always look out for me. Thank you."
"You're not going to make this easy are you?"
"I never do. Cordelia Chase doesn't go down without a fight."
"Give me one good reason why I should back down." She licked her lips then closed the gap between them, cupping his face letting her thumbs stroke his cheeks. He involuntarily closed his eyes at her touch and let out a low moan as her lips brushed against his ever so lightly. She pulled back and they just stared at each other for a long moment before he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to him letting his mouth seize hers in a deeper and more passionate kiss.
Part 6 (of ?)
Angel put his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her away. She looked up at him hurt and confusion in her eyes.
"What? What's wrong?" She asked him.
"This, everything, this can't happen."
"You just kissed me, remember."
"You kissed me first."
"A friendly peck, not tonsil hockey, god."
"Well you sure as hell weren't complaining."
"Well…." She was speechless.
"This just can't happen, I know now that I can't be around you. That's the way it has to be."
"No! Please, No!" He turned around and she called after him. "Angel, please don't do this." He was already half way down the stairs. She sat down on the bed and covered her head with her hands. This wasn't supposed to happen. Angel wasn't supposed to leave her, he was the one constant in her life. She had to get him back, she knew she had to find the demon. She picked up the book that was lying on the bed and opened it up to the page that talked about the demon. "Well, Mr. In desperate need of a suntan, you picked the wrong person to mess with." She spoke to the demon's picture. She walked out of the room slamming the door behind her.
"Cordelia, you feeling better?"
"A little, Wes, thank you. I think I'm gonna go home."
"Do you want me to drive you?" Gunn asked.
"No, I think I can manage."
"I don't think you should walk alone in the dark with all the big bads out there."
"Fine, sure, I guess the quicker I can get home the better. Thank you Gunn."
"Let me go grab my keys." Cordelia nodded and sat on the couch. Fred noticed something wrong with her friend and went over to her.
"Are you sure you're fine, 'cause you don't look fine. It's Angel isn't it."
"I don't want to talk about, Fred."
"Oh, it's just he looked miserable when he came back down. He was starting to get back to normal then he goes up and sees you and now everything is worse."
"Oh and that's somehow my fault?"
"No, I didn't say that."
"Yeah when things go wrong, blame Cordelia, why not? She's an easy target…" Her words trailed off as she began to cry. Fred put her arm around her and leaned Cordy's head on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry this is happening, but we'll figure out what this thing is and we'll fight it 'cause that's what we do. We fight the evil things and we win, we're the good guys we always win. We'll get Angel back."
"How can you be so sure."
"'Cause you're on our side and when you set your mind to something there is nothing that will stop you from getting it. You're brave, strong and determined."
"Yeah I'm real strong, I'm bawling like a baby here."
"You are strong, you've just forgotten it." She smiled and Cordelia nodded suddenly feeling a new wave of empowerment.
"You're right Fred. I'm Cordelia Chase and nobody messes with me or my family. Gunn, I'll pass on the ride, I'm suddenly feeling great." She gave Fred a grateful smile.
"Whatever you say." He put his keys down on the table.
"Wes what have you found out about this demon."
"Not much yet, all the books say the same thing. Just what we already knew, steals peoples memories as a form of payment for a wish granted, the white light, power in his hands, but nothing on how to defeat it or get his victims to remember."
"I say we go and beat this thing down till it tells us what we want to know." Cordelia walked over to the weapons cabinet and pulled out a long sword.
"It's not that easy."
"I'm making it that easy. I'm going to find this thing and I'm going to make sure it never does anything like this again.
"But, Cordy it could be dangerous, you could end up getting killed."
"Angel's been training me and I'm good, you know it. Besides, I have to do this."
"Well then we'll all go."
"No! I want to do this on my own."
"That's crazy!"
"Maybe, but it's the only way. I'll have my cell phone on call me if you find out anything new."
"Cordelia…"
"You can't talk me out of it, Wes, so don’t even try. This is my fight. Angel got himself into this mess to help me, so now I'm gonna help him." She stormed out the door not even bothering to shut it.
"Ok that didn't go well."
"What didn't go well?" Angel stood by the basement door.
"Um, Angel, I don't know how to tell you this."
"Well, just spit it out." He was growing impatient with his "boss"
"Cordelia went to find the demon on her own."
"So?"
"So? Angel, Cordelia is out by herself trying to fight a demon that we know nothing about and that doesn't phase you."
"She won't find him."
"And what makes you so sure."
"She just won't." He went back down into the basement closing the door gently behind him. When he was alone he gathered up some weapons and ran into the sewers. There was no way he was going to let her fight by herself. For whatever reason he cared about that girl and was not going to see anything bad happen to her. Just because he didn't think being with her was a good thing didn't stop the pain he felt whenever he thought of her lying on the ground dead because she was trying to help him.
********************************************
Cordelia walked down the dank sewers. "Oh Mr. Stansicore demon, come out come out where ever you are." She looked around slowly creeping around the corner, looking for anything out of the ordinary. She stopped and heard a faint noise, she glanced behind her and saw nothing, so she continued on. She heard the noise again, closer this time, and again stopped, listening to where the sound was coming from. She turned around and jumped in shock. She saw who was behind her and tried to calm down her rapid breathing.
"Angel, don't ever sneak up on me like that again. You scared me half to death."
"Sorry."
"What are you doing here?"
"I'm guessing the same as you, hunting for a demon."
"Would this demon be oh say of the pigmently challenged, 'Powder' kind?"
"Huh?" Cordelia just rolled her eyes.
"Are you hunting for the demon that was in my vision?"
"Oh, him, yeah." She noticed for the first time that his darted in every direction desperate not to look at her.
"I thought I made it clear to the others that I wanted to do this alone!"
"I don't exactly clear my schedule with them, besides this is my fight too."
"Whatever." Cordelia made quicker strides trying to shake the vampire. She wanted to be away from him, be alone for a little while. What had happened in his bedroom had confused and frightened her, not to mention hurt her deeply. She stopped suddenly and he accidentally bumped into her causing her to trip a bit, but she caught her self before she fell. "Geez, watch where you are going, will you!!"
"Excuse me, miss stop in the middle of the way for no apparent reason."
"Ok can we quit with the verbal sparing and save it for the demon. Right now I'd rather not talk and believe me that's a first."
"No, really, you?" He feigned shock and she shot him a dirty look.
"Look, not here and not now, just shut up and follow me."
"Do have any idea where you are going?"
"Well, not technically, but I have a good sense of direction."
"Listen, little girl, I've been around a hell of a lot longer than you, maybe I should lead."
"God, controlling much?" She rolled her eyes and begrudgingly let him pass bowing at him as he passed.
"Thank you, now we actually stand a chance of finding the thing."
"Oh, yeah, because you have any more idea where your going then I do."
"I'm a vampire, I can sense these things."
"Yeah, sure, whatever. God I hope this demon can bring you back to normal, because this new you is starting to grate on my nerves."
"So, what, you've given up on me so easily now? You were just trying to get me to trust you not more than 20 minutes ago."
"Well that was before you kissed me and ran off."
"I told you already…"
"I know it's too risky to let anyone in, whatever. You want me, admit it."
"I'm not admitting to anything."
"You are so like…well yourself. He would never admit it either." She looked down sadly.
"You want the old me back don't you."
"More than anything in this world. I would do and go anywhere to get my Angel Back."
"You are a genius."
"Well, duh, what did I do?"
"You know I think we've been going about this all wrong. My instincts told me we couldn't find him, but I thought it might have been that he was just too good at hiding, and that might not be too far off."
"Point?"
"I don't think we can find him just by looking for him, I think we need to let him find us. Are you desperate enough for the old me to come back that you would truly do anything for it to happen."
"Yeah, didn't I just say that. I don't think I can put up with you much longer, not if you're going to keep being shut off."
"Good very good, then it should only be a short while till he comes to us. All you need to do is act more desperate."
"I'm already extremely desperate." There was a long and awkward silence.
"You know, I'm sorry for kissing you like that."
"No you're not." Cordelia scoffed.
"Trust me it will never happen again."
"Good."
"Good."
"Well, good then, that's settled." Cordelia turned around and started to go back the way they came. "Umm, Angel?"
"Yes?" He said more than a little agitated.
"Umm you think you can use your heightened vampire senses to find the way back, I think we're lost."
"Oh so now you need my help?"
"Don't make to much of this ok, it's a one time occurrence."
"Whatever, follow me." They only got about 3 steps when a white light enveloped them and then the sewers lay empty.
Part 7 (of ?)
"Ok Mr. Heightened Vampire Senses, where are we?" Cordelia gestured to the white empty room with all walls and no doors.
"Just let me think."
"Well can you think quickly, cuz this place is creeping me out."
"I guess it's safe to assume we are not in the sewars anymore."
"Oh what an astute observation, Dorthey? Like I didn't already figure that one out. What's your next thought, the room is white?"
"Like you have any idea where we are either?"
"No, but at least I'll admit it." Angel wondered around the room a bit sniffing the air.
"We're in another dimension and if I had to bet, I'd put everything I have we're in the demon's lair."
"Betting? Wow you did hang out with Doyle way too much, but I do have to agree with you. Hmm white skin, white light, white room, this guys worse then you when it comes to color."
"This is not the time to examine fashion tastes, and black is very in." Angel tugged on his black shirt for emphisis.
"Yeah, just keep telling yourself that big guy." She patted him on his shouldar and walked past him. "Ok, so if this is the demon's lair where's our demon?" Angel just shrugged.
****************************************
"Good to see you again, Stan."
"Boss, or ex-boss, what do you want now."
"It seems our little deal went awry, seems Angel and the girl are getting closer even without his memories."
"Hey, I did what I was told, I guess even I can't break the bond between them."
"Well you better try or..." She took her finger across her neck indicating a slicing motion. Stan gulped.
"She's a good kid, why hurt her like that?"
"Please, don't get a conscience on me now. I need to get rid of his humanizing influence and I need you to do it."
"But..."
"I think this will sufice." She pushes an envelope twice the size of the earlier one. Stan looked at it and sighed taking the moment, feeling physically ill at what he was about to do. "I knew you'd do the right thing."
"But it ends here, Lilah, I'm through with you and Wolfram and Hart from now on."
"Fine, if you succeed, and you will, this is the last you will hear from us."
Stan eyed Lilah who just smiled. He shook his head and walked out of the office. A white light lit up the office and Stan was gone. He appeared in his little room trying to contimplate his next move. Maybe he'd get lucky and he'd never see the two again. He sat down on a white chair that seemed to blend into the surroundings. He rubbed his eyes and looked up seeing 2 pairs of eyes stareing directly at him.
"Hey, Angel, guess we found our demon."
"Oh great." Stan muttered.
"Yes, I guess we did."
"Hey look, I don't want to hurt you guys, I'm not evil, not really anyway. I just fell into the wrong crowd." He eyed Angel who aimed a crossbow at him.
"You know that won't kill me, not much can." Angel lowered the weapon.
"Why should we believe you?"
"Because I'm the only person that can send you home. I don't know how you got here, but you can't go the way you came, I guess you figured that out by now. So kill me and you are stuck here, cooperate and we all win." Stan smiled at them.
"Angel, I say we hear him out." Cordy looked at him and he nodded.
"Good, now that we are agreed, I need to talk to the girl, alone." Angel growled at this not wanting to trust the demon, especially not alone with his seer.
"Angel, it will be ok."
"I just don't trust him."
"Well get over it, cuz there is no other way."
"Fine, do what you want."
"I always do." Cordelia nodded towards Stan and he walked away from the vampire motioning her to follow him.
"Ok, so what's the big secret." She glanced over her shouldar noticing Angel straining to hear them. "You know I think we need to go somewhere even more private, vampire hearing and all."
"Of course." Stan snapped his fingers and they were in another white room.
"Ok, now where are we."
"This is my kitchen, we were in my living room before."
"Oh, yeah, the decoration is so much different." Cordy looked around the seemingly bare room that looked identical to the previous.
"Ok, enough with the decor, lets get down to business."
"What do you want?"
"Ok, I'm supposed to do something that I don't want to do."
"What?"
"This law firm, Wolfram and Hart, I assume you know them 'cause they certainly know you and Angel."
"Yeah, I'm well aquainted with them."
"Well up until today I was working for them." Cordelia took a cautious step back. "They hired me to take Angel's memories after I sent you a vision that would kill you if Angel didn't comply."
"What?"
"They figured either way Angel would be screwed. Either he would lose his memories of you, his humanizing influence, or feel guilty as he watched you die, powerless."
"Oh my god, you're sick."
"No, here me out. I was sent here to make sure you and Angel never saw each other again, take both your memories away as an exchange for something. I told her no, but then she handed me all this money, and I couldn't refuse."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I'm giving you the choice, I don't want Wolfram and Hart or that bitch Lilah to win. I think you a good kid and Angel is well on his way to redemption, I'd hate for that to be screwed up because of me."
"So what are you saying?"
"There is away around this and the price isn't really steep at all. You'll have Angel back, the way he was before and you'll be home."
"What do I have to do?"
"All i need is just one moment from you."
"What kind of moment?"
"Not just any moment, it has to be the one moment in your life that means the most to you. That one time in you life you swore you would never forget and you haven't. That's it."
"What happens if I choose the wrong moment."
"Angel will never return to normal and I can't guarantee you will either, so it's imparrative you choose the right moment. Please don't let them win."
"How do I know you are telling the truth?"
"I am."
"Will I change as a result of losing the moment?"
"No, You'll be exactly the same as you always have been."
"Do you know what moment I have to chose?"
"Yes."
"Then why don't you just tell me?"
"That's not how it works, that's cheating."
"How long do I have?"
"One hour, that's all I can give you."
"Take me back to Angel."
"Of course." He snapped his fingers again and they were in the living room again with Angel pacing nervously. Cordelia wiped a tear from her eyes.
"What did he do to you?"
"Nothing, nothing. I-I just have a lot to think about and remember." Cordelia felt around until she felt the couch and sat down putting her head in her hands. She knew what memory she had to chose, but was not sure if she was willing to get rid of it. She looked up at Angel and knew that she had to, he would do it for her, in fact he already had. She owed it to him. She nodded to the demon.
"Are you ready?" She nodded again, she closed her eyes tightly remembering her moment one last time.
TBC