Title: When the Face of Evil Is the Face You Love
Author: Lilyana_vamp
Posted: 02-06-2003
Email: lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com
Rating: NC17
Category:
Content:
Summary: When the unpeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought about...but not without some complications.
Spoilers:
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it went.
Notes:
Feedback:Part 7: Home Sweet Hell
Angel hesitated before walking through the hospital doors. This building housed, for sure, a young woman who had trusted him with her life and then he almost killed her. It possibly held the woman that he loved. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to face either of them. He grabbed Wesley’s arm as the automatic doors opened.
“What’s the matter Angel?”
“Fred..she’s going to hate me. I don’t know if I can see her, not yet.”
“Angel, you can’t hide from what happened. You have to face your demons…quite literally. Besides, we need to go see if this Jane Doe is really Cordelia.”
“How could it be Wes? We both saw her die. You brought her to the morgue yourself.”
“Angel, you’re a vampire. Lorne is a green, horned demon. Connor aged 16 years in a Hell Dimension. The fact that Cordelia is alive is the most plausible thing I can think of in our lives,” the man smiled and pulled Angel through the doors. “Now let’s go.”
Angel followed Wes up the stairs. Everywhere he could smell sickness and impending death, but nothing rattled him more than Fred’s scent. As they approached her room, the smell of her threatened to drive Angel from the hospital. It wasn’t her smell exactly, but the guilt that it spawned inside of him. “Wes…”
Wesley pushed Angel into the room and he saw Fred lying on the bed. She looked so small and pale, but her eyes still shone brightly. “Angel?” she whispered.
“Hi Fred,” he answered for lack of anything better to say. “How are…Oh Fred, I’m so sorry!”
Wesley covered his eyes with his hand and shook his head. He had called Fred before they left the Hyperion and filled her in on what had happened. She seemed remarkably calm about seeing Angel so soon.
“Angel, it’s okay,” she told him in her Texan drawl. “I understand what happened; Wes told me everything. I’m just so glad that you’re back.”
The vampire smiled at the young girl apologetically. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”
“Damn straight you don’t.” Gunn walked in and sat on the edge of Fred’s hospital bed, creating a barrier between her and Angel.
“Charles, that’s not Angelus. He’s Angel again.”
“I don’t care who he is. That face tried to kill you.”
“Gunn, I know you’re pissed at me, and I don’t blame you. I just hope that someday we can be on somewhat friendly terms again,” Angel spoke to the man quietly and then showed himself out of the room.
“He’ll come around.”
“I shouldn’t have come here Wes.”
Wesley decided to move onto other pressing business. “We need to check out Jane Doe.”
“Yeah.”
The two walked to the information desk and Wesley tapped lightly on the window. The attendant, busily talking on the phone held up a perfectly painted finger. As she rambled about “he said” and “she said”, both men were suddenly reminded of Cordelia. “Excuse me Miss…”
“Oh, hold on a sec Jess.” The woman opened the window. “What can I do for you?”
“We’re here to see a patient.”
“Name?”
“Well, she’s a Jane Doe.”
“Are you family or friends of Miss Doe’s?”
“We aren’t exactly sure if we’re anything to her. That’s why we’re here.”
“Well if you aren’t family or friends, I can’t give you any information.”
“The police contacted us and said she might be someone we know.”
“You don’t know if you know Miss Doe? That’s a little odd.”
Angel, finally fed up with the young woman’s ignorance gently pushed Wesley out of the way. “Listen Miss, a Jane Doe is a person without identification. The purpose of our visit is to see if we can identify her. So tell us what room she’s in so that we can find out if she’s our friend.”
“Geez, you don’t have to be so impatient. Oh yes, Jane Doe, Room 614.” The woman promptly closed the window in Angel’s face and went back to her mindless conversation.
Wesley and Angel looked at each other and shook their heads and proceeded to the sixth floor of the hospital. Outside of room 614, Angel froze. “You go see. I..I can’t put myself through seeing this woman if it’s not Cordelia.”
Wesley nodded. “I understand Angel.”
The vampire waited outside the door and paced back and forth. He played with his hands and ran them through his hair as he waited for Wesley to return with the answer. Of course, by the scent coming from the room, he already knew the answer.
“Angel! Angel, come in here!” Wes called from the room.
Angel took a deep, un-needed breath and walked into the dark room. On the bed was his Cordelia. She looked so beautiful and perfect, the only thing missing was her smile. He wanted to reach out and take her in his arms, but she lay motionless. “Cordy?” He watched her eyelids flutter, but they didn’t open. As the doctor walked in, he turned to face him. “What’s wrong with her?”
“Well, we’re not exactly sure. Physically, she’s in superb shape. There’s nothing wrong with her that should keep her from waking up, but she just hasn’t.”
“How did she get here?” Wes asked him.
“We’re not sure of that either. She just appeared out front, naked and unconscious.”
Angel’s heart sank at the thought of her being so vulnerable. He tuned out the rest of Wesley’s and the doctor’s conversation, knowing Wes would fill him in later. He sat on the edge of Cordy’s bed and caressed her face tenderly, brushing a lock out of her eye. The memory of the night she died came rushing into his mind and it almost floored him. He felt the tears threaten to escape. “Cordy, can you hear me?” he choked out.
He saw her stir slightly, but she still did not awaken. Angel held her hand and talked to her softly. “Cordy, if you can hear me, I just want you to know that I love you. I want you to wake up. I need you to wake up. I need you to come home. I can’t do this without you. Besides, I need you there to deal with Connor…I don’t think I was ever this moody when I was a teenager,” he joked quietly and felt her squeeze his hand. “Cordy?”
He watched as her eyes opened and stared into his. She stared at him, trying to recognize his face, but he could see that she did not. “Cordy, it’s me,” he smiled and then he saw the terror in her eyes. She screamed, and it was a sound that threatened to break his heart along with his super-sensitive eardrums. “Cordy, it’s okay, it’s me, Angel. No one’s going to hurt you. He…He’s gone.”
She lay on the bed, shaking and breathing heavily as she stared at him wide-eyed. Wesley came to her side and touched her shoulder. “It will all be alright Cordelia. We are all here.”
Angel slipped out the door, his heart aching inside him at the thought of her thinking he was Angelus. He had hoped that when she woke up, she’d give him her infectious smile and he’d be able to kiss her and hold her and never let her go. But he couldn’t because she thought he was the worst demon any of them had ever faced.
Wesley came to the doorway. “Angel, you need to come in here. You can’t hide from this.”
“I’m not hiding Wesley. I…I just don’t want to scare her. I never want to see her that scared, especially because of me.”
“Oh, just get in the bloody room man and face the music. You’re the only one that can get a reaction out of her. As soon as you left, she went into a catatonic state. Get in here and bring back the woman you love!”
Angel gathered all of his strength and again walked to her bedside. “Cor? Please wake up. I promise, I’ll never let anyone hurt you again. Just please come back to us.” He watched as the life came back into her eyes, and the fear again. “No Cordy, I’m not him anymore. You made me come back, remember? You told me I had to come back and make things right. Well, that’s what I’m trying to do, but you have to come back too. I’m not going to hold up my end of the bargain if you’re going to just lay there and stare at the ceiling because you don’t want to come back to work.” He saw her eyes soften slightly.
“Angel?” she whispered almost too quietly to hear.
“Yes Cordy, it’s me. Do you know where you are?”
She looked around the room and lifted up her arm to see the IV’s and wires. “Well, with the absence of fluffy clouds and other pretty stuff, I’m guessing not heaven. Oh God, did they send me to Hell because of the part demon thing?” She reached up and grabbed Angel by the front of his shirt. “I don’t want to be in Hell.”
“You aren’t in Hell Cordy, you’re back on Earth. You in LA.”
“Close enough.” She tried to pull the wires and IV’s out but Angel stopped her.
“Don’t Cor, you’ll hurt yourself. Just wait for the doctor.” Angel stepped away so the doctor could examine her.
“You’ll both have to step out for a bit. We’ll have to run some tests and then we’ll know if there is any reason she can’t go home.”
“I don’t want to leave her,” Angel argued.
“Please sir, we have to examine her. It will take an hour tops. Why don’t you and your friend go get a cup of coffee and we’ll page you when we’re done. Here,” the doctor handed Angel a ten dollar bill. “I’ll even pay for your dinner since you were able to wake up and identify our Jane Doe,” the man smiled thankfully.
“I can’t take your money.”
“Please, I insist.” The doctor turned away and began to take Cordelia’s blood pressure and temperature.
“I’ll be right back Cordy, I promise.”
“You’d better be or I’ll find you and kick your ass. I hate hospitals.”
Angel smiled and went on a coffee run with Wesley. Almost an hour later, they heard their names being called over the intercom. “Come on Wesley, let’s go!” he yelled and pulled the man out of his chair.
Wesley jumped as the hot coffee spilled on the front of him but he couldn’t bring himself to yell at Angel. “I’m right behind you Angel.”
Angel ran into the room and took Cordy into his arms. “What did the doctor say?”
“Tell me you’ve got the car, because I’ve been sprung!!” She hugged him tightly.
As they pulled up outside of the Hyperion, Angel jumped out and lifted Cordy out of the car. “I can walk Angel.”
“No, I’ve got you.”
The two men walked through the door and were met by Lorne. “Hiya Wes, Angelcakes. What’s been shakin’?” he asked, Seabreeze in hand. “Oh my, is that who I think it is? Princess? Is it really you?”
“If it’s not, it’s a really good facsimile,” she smiled at the demon brightly. “Hi Lorne.”
“Oh honey, it’s so good to see you. I never thought I’d be so happy to see a human in my life!”
“Hey, part demon now buddy, and don’t you forget it,” she joked. “Angel, you can put me down. I’m not going anywhere.” He sat her on the couch and then sat next to her, his arm still around her. “Ahh…home sweet hell..I mean hotel. I see none of you burned it down in my absence.”
“So, where’s Connor?” she asked quietly. She knew she had to face the boy sooner or later. She’d rather it be sooner so she didn’t have to dread it any longer. She had to make sure he knew that what had happened between them was history.
“Upstairs, I’ll go get—“ Lorne turned to see the boy standing in the doorway. “Connor, look who—“
In a flash Connor was by the couch, pinning Cordelia to the back. He grabbed her by the throat, his eyes flashing in anger. “Who the Hell are you and what are you doing here? Cordy is dead.”
Angel pulled his son off of Cordy and held him away. “What are you doing Connor? That is Cordy. She came back…somehow.” He turned to Cordelia. “How did you come back anyways?”
“I, uh, well…um…” Cordy fumbled with her words. This was going to be a tough one to explain.
Part 8: Anam Cara
Cordelia gave her friends a nervous smile. “How did I come back? Well, there’s a funny story about that. A funny, but long story. Very long. Too long to get into now. Look, it’s almost bedtime. Guess I’ll be turning in. Gotta get my beauty sleep!” She tried to make an escape but Angel caught her arm and sat her back down.
“Cordy?”
“What?” she asked, feigning ignorance.
“How did you get back?”
“I, uh, had a little chit chat with the Powers That Be. Made them see things my way,” she answered non-chalantly and tried to stand up again. Angel held her down.
“Cordy, what did you do?”
“Nothing…much.”
“Stop dodging the answers. You have to be straight with us.”
“I am being straight. Straight as an arrow. I’m flying a straight path…I’m just not leaving a solid trail,” she smiled, hoping she could distract him. It didn’t work.
“Cordelia, tell me what happened. What went on when you talked with the Powers?”
“They just said that I had to make a sacrifice if I wanted to come back to the hellhole that is Earth,” she shrugged as if it were nothing.
“Sacrifice what?” Angel growled quietly.
“The rest of my humanity? Uh oh.” She saw the anger flash in Angel’s eyes and she made a dash for the stairs. She knew he was right behind her, and knew that everyone else was too shocked to even move. “Angel, listen, I did it for you!”
He gripped her arm tightly and pulled her to him. “That’s why I’m upset Cordelia! You should have never sacrificed your humanity for me! It was a very idiotic thing to do! How could you be so stupid?!”
Cordy looked at Angel, the tears burning at her eyes, but she refused to let him see them. “Stupid? Who’s been the stupid one here? You go all homicidal just because I died! Did me dying make you that fucking happy?!”
“That has nothing to do with this incredibly rash decision that you made.”
“It has everything to do with it. I did it for you. I did it because I love you and you said you loved me. I’d do anything for you Angel. I thought you felt the same way.”
“I’d never do something that moronic.” His voice was full of anger and disappointment, and if Cordelia hadn’t known better, she would have thought Angelus was back. But this was Angel, and it made the words hurt so much worse.
She pushed him away and started for the door.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Angel asked fiercely, reaching for her.
Cordy pushed him away from her and when he persisted, she punched him in the face. “You keep your hands off me. I don’t want you to touch me. I don’t want to feel you. I don’t want to see you. No, get away! Stay the Hell away from me!” She ran out the door, trying to hide the tears that were streaming down her face. She sat on the steps, burying her face in her hands. She sobbed uncontrollably, wondering how, if she had given up her humanity she could still feel so much pain. She heard someone approaching her from behind and she wheeled around, stopping her fist just short of Wesley’s face.
The Englishman sat beside her and put his arm around her. He didn’t talk. He didn’t need to. He knew she just needed someone to hold her. “I’m so sorry Cordelia,” he whispered finally and her body shook with sobs again. He laid her head on his shoulder and caressed her hair with his hand. “Angel is just upset. I’m sure he’ll come around and see that you acted out of love. I believe he’s afraid of losing you again, or that you aren’t the same woman he fell in love with.”
“But I am Wesley. Just because I’m not human anymore doesn’t make me a different woman. Okay, so maybe it does a little, but I’m still the same Cordelia Chase in here.” She rested her hand over her heart. “I mean, please, it’s not like I’ve sprouted a tail or icky scales or anything.” She paused momentarily and looked at Wes. “I haven’t, have I?”
“Of course not Cordelia. You are just as beautiful as you were before, maybe even more so.”
She smiled slightly. “You know the right things to say Wes. I just don’t understand what’s keeping you from snaring a lucky little lady yourself.”
“Well, it certainly isn’t from my lack of attraction to them,” he sighed and thought of Fred in her hospital bed, Gunn close by her side.
“Someone will come along Wes, I know it. Someone not Lilah,” she smirked.
“I wish I could be a certain as you are,” he answered, trying to ignore her last comment.
“No Wes, I know it. As in, I’ve seen, I’ve visioned, I’ve been informed. Someone will come along for you.”
Wes looked at her questioningly. “Who? Did you see whom? Is it someone we know?”
“Now, that would just take all the fun out of it! Besides, I can’t tell you anyways.”
“Why not? I don’t remember reading about some sacred secrecy pact.”
“No, no pact. I just need someone to wallow in their lonely misery with me.”
He smiled at her and hugged her. “He does love you Cordelia. Please don’t be upset with him.”
“Oh, I’m not upset Wesley.” She looked at the former Watcher seriously. “I’m angry. I’m ripped. I’m extremely pissed off.” She got to her feet and looked at him through the window. He sat at her computer, looking at the picture Fred had so carefully salvaged from his pre-Angelus outburst. “I could be pretty mean when I was back in Sunnydale. Hell, I was downright cruel, but this tops Queen C. Tops her by a long shot. I could never say things like that to someone that I loved.”
“Sometimes love causes us to say things we shouldn’t, or do things we wouldn’t otherwise.”
Angel walked out the door and looked over at Wesley. The man didn’t need to be told that Angel wanted to be alone with Cordelia. Wes closed the lobby door behind him and looked at Connor. “Pray for him. I don’t believe he knows what he’s getting into.”
“I told you to leave me alone Angel. I don’t want to see you.”
“I…I shouldn’t have…I said things…I’m…Cor, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he stammered, hanging his head like a wounded puppy.
“Yeah, you always hurt the one you love, right? Well guess what Angel; I never signed up for this shit! I never asked to love you and I sure as Hell didn’t ask for brain splitting visions, demony goodness or death and resurrection. But guess what, I got it! And I accepted it! You wanna know why? Because of you. Because I thought you needed me. I thought you needed someone who saw you for you and wanted to be around you. God knows you’re impossible at times, running away into your broodiness, but I knew you needed someone to light a fire under your ass and get you going. I never gave up on you Angel. I always trusted in your decisions and knew you would do the right thing eventually, after a little fire-lighting of course. I wasn’t afraid of you. That is, until tonight.”
Angel looked up at her wide-eyed. “What do you mean? Why are you afraid of me?”
“Because the side of you I saw just now was scarier than facing Angelus a thousand times. You wanna know why?” She waited for him to answer and took his silence as a yes. “Because it was YOU. It wasn’t because you were expressing your inner demon. It wasn’t Angelus trying to turn us against each other again. It was you. The man that I trusted with my life. The man that I loved.”
“Maybe I should go…give you some time.”
“I don’t need time Angel, I needed to be accepted. Now I just want to be left alone.”
“Listen Cordy, I’m sorry for hurting you, but I still stand behind my feelings for what you did. I think you made a bad decision for a foolish reason.”
Cordelia looked at him in shock. “I can’t believe you’re still saying this to me. Did you ever love me? I mean really, because after hearing this, I don’t think you did.”
“I don’t know. Maybe I didn’t.” Angel turned his back and walked into the hotel. She stared after him, not sure if she felt anger, pain, loneliness, devastation or all of the above. She only knew that she couldn’t believe those words had just come out of Angel’s mouth.
She started down the steps, unsure of where she was going, and looked down to see a large rock at her feet. She picked it up and hurled it through the window, toward Angel. “If you ever come near me again, I swear I’ll kill you! I hate you!” The words weren’t true, but she didn’t care. He didn’t care if he hurt her, so why should she care what she said to him? She ran down the street, tears running freely down her face.
Angel flinched and squeezed his eyes shut at the sound of the rock being thrown through the window. He heard her screaming and distinctly heard her say that she hated him. It tore his heart to pieces.
“What did you do to her?” Connor asked sharply.
“What I had to,” he answered evenly and shut himself in his office. Over the hours he heard Wes knock a few times, but he just needed to be alone with his thoughts. He hated seeing Cordelia that way. All he ever wanted was for her to be happy and he had just made her the saddest and most pissed off he had ever seen her. “It’s for the best.”
“Do you really believe that Angel?” Wesley asked, letting himself into the office.
“You don’t understand.”
“You love her more than you even imagined, but the thought that she’d sacrifice anything for you scares the bloody hell out of you. You’re afraid because of what happened in the past so you’re willing to throw away what could possibly be the best thing that ever happened to you. What don’t I understand?”
Angel looked at Wes for a moment and then out the door. “She sacrificed her life for me, and then her humanity to come back to me. The least I can do is sacrifice my heart.”
“By breaking hers? I’m not sure I understand that part.”
“I only present a danger to her Wesley. If it’s not demons attacking, it’s Wolfram & Hart trying to get to me through her, or it’s me myself. I can’t put her in a position where Angelus is a threat to her. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I’m just trying to protect her.”
Wesley shook his head. “When are you going to learn that Cordelia Chase is not in need of protecting? She spawns more fear than most other creatures in this dimension or any other for that matter. She needs love.”
Angel looked back at Wes and then rested his forehead against the heels of his hands. “I really screwed things up, didn’t I?”
“Quite. It’s going to take some work, that’s certain.”
“Graveling?”
“I’m thinking more along the lines of flowers, lots of flowers, chocolate and expensive jewelry.”
Angel laughed slightly. “Cordelia, you are going to be the death of me.”
Cordy handed Fred a glass of water and sat beside her on the couch. Phantom Dennis was kind enough to turn the TV on for them and start the DVD. The two had decided on a Girl’s Night, a night of male bashing and gossiping.
It had been a couple weeks since Cordelia had found out that her apartment was still vacant, and, to her own and Dennis’s joy, she was able to rent it out again. Fred had been out of the hospital and on the mend for a while, and had helped Cordy move her things out of storage at the Hyperion.
Just as the movie started, Cordy heard a knock at the door. “Who could that be? Dennis, could you be a sweetie?” She heard the door open but didn’t hear a voice. “Dennis, was anyone there?” She felt a push towards the door. Upon approaching it, she saw the biggest bouquet of roses she had ever seen. They were a deep red, each one more perfect than the next. “Oh my…”
Fred came around the corner and saw the bundle of flowers in Cordy’s arms. “Oh my…” she agreed and rushed over to smell them. “They are just gorgeous! Where’s the card? Who are they from? Oh, I just know they’re from Angel!”
Cordy gave a whiny pout. “But I don’t want them to be from Angel.”
Fred looked at her curiously. “Why not?”
“Because then I might have to start forgiving him!”
Everyday Cordelia opened her door to another gift. There were more flowers, there were chocolates, and then there were more flowers. Her apartment was beginning to look like a catalog for 1-800-FLOWERS.
After a week of the mysteriously appearing gifts, she opened the door to see Angel standing there. In one hand he held a single red rose, and in his other he held a black velvet box with a deep red ribbon tied around it. Cordy felt her body threaten to melt at the sight of him. He looked incredible in his red silk shirt and black leather duster. He offered her a slight smile.
“Hello again.”
“Angel, if you’re here for forgiveness, you might as well march right back down those stairs,” she bluffed, her eyes drawn to the box he held.
“Did you like the flowers?”
“They are beautiful, but that’s not the point.”
“I picked them all out myself. I only chose the most perfect ones from the shops.”
“Angel, I’m trying to be mad at you here.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll leave then.” He turned and counted in his head. He only made it to two before her hand grabbed his arm.
“Well, since you’ve gone to the trouble of getting me a gift, I’ll humor you.”
Angel smiled and handed her the box. The ever-unpredictable Cordelia could be so predictable at times. He watched her carefully pull off the ribbon so as not to wrinkle it. She slowly opened the lid and gasped. “It says ‘Anam Cara’. It’s Gaelic for ‘Soul Friend’. These bracelets are very special in Ireland, and you are very special to me. You brought me back Cordelia. You saved my soul and for that I’m eternally grateful.”
Cordy pulled the silver cuff bracelet from the box and let him hook it around her wrist. “Oh Angel, it’s beautiful. It’s gorgeous. It’s…there are no words for what it is!”
“Just like you,” he smiled. “Cor, I’m sorry for the things I said to you. I never should have been that…well, I was the stupid one. I never should have gone off on you that way. I was just scared, and I know that I told you that I wasn’t scared of love anymore, and now I’m not, but it’s just…” he began to ramble.
Cordy grabbed him and pulled his lips to hers. She kissed him and quickly decided that this was the deepest, most passionate kiss she had ever experienced, not that one in nowhere land. She pulled back and placed a finger on his lips as he started apologizing again. “Angel, shut up you big dork. You’re ruining my Kodak moment.”
Part 9: Power
*Things were perfect. They couldn’t be better. Unless you consider the undeniable sexual tension. Or the stifling of my fighting career. Constantly hearing ‘No, you can’t go. It’s too dangerous.’ It was starting to get incredibly irritating. But otherwise they were perfect. Too perfect.*
“No, you can’t go! It’s too dangerous! Angel, are you listening to me?!” Cordelia called to him. “Earth to Angel…damn, that sounds like a cheesy fifties song…anyhow, you can’t go! I need you.”
“Cor, I have to. You know, help the hopeless and all that?”
Cordy pouted at him, her best weapon. “But I’m hopeless. And helpless.”
“You are hardly either of the two Cordelia. Now, I’ll be back in awhile. If you absolutely need anything, page me. I’ll try to figure the damn thing out.”
“Yeah right. And I’ll be Superwoman,” she grumbled under her breath.
“I heard that,” he called over his shoulder. “And you’re already a Superwoman. You’re a Goddess! That’s why I know you can handle this.” He shut the door before she could come back.
“Oh yeah, kiss ass now buddy, but later, I’m making you scrape the grime out of my fingernails!!” She knelt on the floor and began scrubbing vigorously. “He kills things in the lobby and I’M expected to clean it up. This definitely wasn’t in the job description. Of course, I wrote the job description, so maybe I should have included it so I would know what I was getting myself into. This is NEVER going to come out!” she muttered as her pants were stained with bluish demon grime left over from the last fight.
“Cinderelly Cinderelly, good good day Cinderelly, Wash the dishes, scrub the floor,” Gunn sang light-heartedly as he came down the stairs.
“Keep it up and I’ll turn you into a little mouse with a jacket and a skull cap myself,” she glared at him and he held his hands up in defense, a smirk crossing his lips. “And it is oddly disturbing that you know the song to a Disney movie so well.”
“Hey, I was a kid once. I rotted my brain with senseless television,” he smiled and picked up a scrub brush to help Cordy.
“And this is different now how?” she mocked.
“Hey now! I don’t rot my brain with senseless television now…unless you count that day I watched soap operas all day…don’t ask, long story, you guys were both on your little hiatuseseses…too many ‘es’?”
“Gunn…babble much?”
“Oh, you’re one to talk.”
“That’s it! Prepare to be slimed!!” Cordy screamed and smeared her demon grime covered brush across Gunn’s head. She screamed again and ran as he came after her with his own brush. They ran through the lobby, chasing each other, playing a game of tag while covering each other in the slimy substance. They both slipped and fell and landed in a pile of giggles on the floor.
“Gunn, Cordelia, what in Heaven’s name is going on out here?” Wesley asked as he opened the office door. “What happened to you two?”
Cordy giggled uncontrollably and Gunn struggled to sit up, slipping time and again in the sludge. “We were, uh, just cleaning,” he laughed.
“I believe you are making more of a disaster than you are cleaning it up,” the man sighed and walked back into the office. “I swear you two were separated at birth…in another life.”
They helped each other off of the floor and looked at the lobby. They had succeeded in covering everything that had previously been untouched by demon fluid and Cordy groaned. “Great, now we have even more cleaning to do!”
“Have fun Barbie!” Gunn yelled and tried to bolt for the door.
“Uh uh! You’re staying right here! No way! Freeze!” Cordelia yelled back and pointed her finger at her friend. Upon saying so, Gunn froze in his tracks. “Whoa…how’d you do that Gunn? That is an unbelievably weird position you managed to stop in,” she asked, looking at his form frozen in a mid-run stance.
“Um…Cordy, I can’t move.” Gunn tried to move his head, his arms, his legs, but to no avail.
“Very funny.”
“I’m serious. I can’t move. I’m stuck. And I’m getting a hell of a Charlie-horse in my right thigh.”
Cordy looked at him in astonishment and then looked at her finger. “Whoa,” she repeated. “I’m REALLY powerful now. I AM a Superwoman! How shock-worthy is that? Oh I wish I could pull some of this on Harmony and all those little sheep back in Sunnyhell.”
“Uh Cordy…”
“I’d just point a finger at them and tell them to freeze and them give them all a piece of my mind!”
“Cordy! Stop babbling and do something!” Gunn yelled impatiently.
“Okay, jeez, don’t be so impatient. You got somewhere important to go?”
“I ain’t going nowhere if you don’t unfreeze my ass and soon!!”
Cordelia rolled her eyes and pointed at Gunn. “Uh, unfreeze!” She waited for him to move, but he didn’t. “What the hell? I said, unfreeze!” She shook her finger as if trying to shake the power back into it. “Uh oh…”
“What do you mean uh oh? I don’t like uh oh. Uh oh’s are bad. Get me out of this Cordy!”
“Okay, I’ll go get Wes. Don’t go anywhere!” she told him in a slightly panicked voice.
“Where the hell am I going to go? You froze me!!” Gunn called back.
“Hey Wes, we got a little problem.” Cordy stood in the doorway, playing with her hands and Wesley looked at her questioningly. “I kinda sorta froze Gunn…”
Wesley rose to his feet and looked through the doorway at the frozen Gunn. “How did you do that Cordelia?”
“I just kinda pointed at him and said ‘freeze’. Yeah, I know, it sounds lame, but that’s what happened!”
“Well, unfreeze him the same way,” Wes said matter-of-factly.
“Tried that. Didn’t work,” she sighed. “Man, Fred is gonna be pissed at me!”
“I do imagine she will be slightly upset, but I’d concentrate on Gunn for the moment. Let’s at least get him on the couch so he’s not standing in the doorway like some kind of statue.” The two grabbed Gunn’s arms and rested him against the couch.
“Hey, have you ever seen that McDonald’s commercial where the kids just freeze when they need a Big Kids Meal…I think it’s McDonald’s anyways.”
“Cordelia, I hardly think that is of importance right now,” Wes frowned and picked up a book.
“Sorry, it just popped into my mind. Great, you be booky and find a cure for Gunn’s freezies and I’ll go see what else I can do. I wonder if Willow can do that? Does this make me a witch?”
“I think you’re a little more than a witch Cordelia. We have yet to fully assess what the consequences of your sacrificing your humanity to the Powers are, and this may be an adverse affect. I just hope this is not an irreversible action on your part,” he said as he leafed through the book.
“Okay, now in normal people terms that would mean…?” she looked at him blankly.
“We don’t know what happened to you when you left your humanity with the Powers and hopefully we can unfreeze Gunn.”
“Oh, well why didn’t you just say that in the first place?” She pointed her finger at Gunn again. “Unfreeze damn you!”
“Hey, it’s not my fault! You’re the one who froze me!”
“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that.” She turned and pointed her finger at Wesley. “What else do you think I can do?”
Wes quickly grabbed her finger and pointed it away from himself. “I’m not exactly sure, and until I am, please don’t point you finger and say anything…to anyone.”
“Oh, you’re no fun,” she pouted again and heard the lobby door open.
“What…Cordelia! Are you okay?!” Angel ran to her side in a flash.
“I’m fine, but Gunn seems to be having issues,” she non-chalantly pointed.
“Hey, watch where you’re pointing that thing!” Gunn yelled.
Angel looked at Gunn and poked him in the arm with his own finger. “Gunn, why are you frozen?”
“It seems your little girlfriend here brought back some pretty awesome power. Like the freezing kind.”
“You did this?” Angel asked in shock.
“Yeah, but it was an accident, honest! He and I were cleaning…well we were…before we started chasing each other…but that’s not the point…and then he started leaving, so I pointed at him and said ‘freeze’. That’s it. It’s not like I planned it or anything,” she cried defensively. “And yes, I tried to unfreeze him, but I guess lamer doesn’t reverse lame.”
Angel shook his head in confusion. “What do we do Wes? I mean, we can’t leave Gunn like this.”
“Like what?” Fred asked as she walked down the stairs.
“Oh no…” Cordy sighed.
“I’m a little on the stiff side Baby,” Gunn answered her.
Everyone but Fred groaned; she blushed. “Charles!”
“Way more info than I EVER needed to know!” Cordelia shivered.
“What?…Oh! No! Not like that! Man, you guys are gutter-minded! I meant frozen!!”
“Wes, we need to find a way to fix this. Gunn can’t stay frozen forever.”
“I’m working on it Angel,” Wes sighed from behind his book.
In the conversation, Cordelia slipped out of the room. She sat quietly against the wall, almost in tears. She wished she could tell her friends everything, but she didn’t think they’d understand. They had no idea what she did to come back to them and now she was making an even bigger mess of things. She didn’t want to hurt any of them, but she was doing it anyways.
Angel followed her and sat beside her silently. He touched her leg in a comforting gesture and then squeezed it. “It’s alright Cor. We’ll fix Gunn. Wes and Fred are on it as we speak.”
“I can’t believe I froze my friend! I mean, we were just playing around, having a good time and then boom, he’s an Ice Pop! I swear I didn’t mean to do it Angel.”
“I know Cordy. We’ll figure everything out, I promise.”
She smiled at him, knowing he would make everything that he possibly could better. Even with the horrible consequences of before, she couldn’t help wondering if she could do it again…or what else she might be able to do and she said as much to Angel.
“Well, I’m not sure Cordy, and I’m not ready for you to experiment on me. I’m not crazy on the idea of having to share an icecube tray with Gunn,” he joked and she slapped his arm playfully.
“Not helping with the guilt here.”
“Sorry,” he answered sheepishly.
“I need something to try this on,” she spoke determinedly, waving her finger around in the air.
“Umm..how about not waving your finger around until we figure out the specifics of your power.” He jumped up and grabbed her hand. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“What better way to play with your new found powers than to go fight some evil?” he asked and led a grinning Cordelia out the hotel doors.
“Now Cordy! Freeze him!”
“I’m trying Angel! I’m not exactly an expert at this yet!”
“Cordy! Now!”
“Shut up Angel! You’re ruining my concentration!”
“Cordelia!!” Angel struggled with the demon, trying to keep it’s back turned to Cordy so she could work her talents on him.
Cordy shook her finger repeatedly and pointed it at the demon. “Freeze!! Freeze now!! It’s not working Angel!”
“Come on Cordy! Concentrate!”
“I am!! It’s not working!!”
“Then don’t concentrate! Just do it and don’t think about it! Think about something else!!”
Cordy focused on the first thing that popped into her mind. She wasn’t sure if it was a good thing to focus on or not. She thought about what it would be like to be kissing Angel, to feel his arms wrapped around her, his hands roaming of their own accord, his icy skin pressing against her fiery. She felt his lips travel down her neck, nipping gently at the crook of her neck and his fingers hook around the waistband of her pants. They crept down inside of the fabric, and she suddenly didn’t want this to happen in a daydream. “Don’t you move another inch buddy!” she yelled and unconsciously pointed a finger at the demon.
“You did it Cor!!” Angel applauded and chopped the head off the demon. “Great job!”
“Don’t you dare tell me that the severed head is my prize.”
“Of course not. What were you thinking about anyways? You seemed to be getting all—“
“Nothing,” she interrupted and started walking through the tunnels.
“Nothing huh? It looked like something to me.” He grinned. He had a feeling she was thinking about him. Thinking about the same things he thought about when he was alone. “You were breathing heavier, and the sweat—“
“Okay Angel, enough with the play by play! I wasn’t thinking about anything in particular. I guess it was just the new power. It must have gotten to me while I was not concentrating on saving your ass!”
“Saving my ass?! I could’ve taken that demon easily!”
“Oh? And why didn’t you? You had to wait until I froze him and saved you before you could lop his head off!”
“I was just trying to give you a chance to try out your new powers! And hey! Don’t change the subject! What was getting you all hot and bothered? I could smell the arousal—“
“Eww much?! You so didn’t have to share the details of your enhanced sense of smell!” she scolded, keeping her back to him, hiding her flushed face.
“What was it Cordy? What got you going?”
Cordy turned around and pushed him against the tunnel wall forcefully. “You really want to know Angel? Are you sure you can handle it?”
“Cordy, I just—“
She leaned in close so her lips were just brushing his and narrowed her eyes. “I was just thinking about how damn hot Gunn looked today all covered in demon grime, chasing me around the lobby.”
Angel looked at her speechless and she let him go. Cordy picked up an axe and slung it over her shoulder as she began walking through the tunnels again. Angel wasn’t sure what to say. He was certain she had been thinking about him and the thought of her thinking of Gunn in that way infuriated him. He didn’t have any control over her, but he still thought of her as his and his alone. He didn’t want to share her, even if he wasn’t having anything with her himself.
“Uh…Cordy?” he finally called after her.
“What Angel?” she answered abruptly.
“You’re going the wrong…home’s that way.”
Cordelia turned with a huff and passed him without a word. He followed in silence, the pain and anger growing inside him with each and every step. How could she think of another man that way after the things she said to him when she was convincing him to take the control away from Angelus? ‘Did she even mean a word of it?’
Part 10: I Don’t Know You At All Anymore
“Why does he have to be so friggin arrogant?” Cordelia asked between bites of Chinese food.
“Arrogant? Angel?” Fred asked with a confused look on her face. The Angel she knew was rather bashful and timid around intimate subjects.
“Yeah, it was like he was so damn sure I was thinking about him.”
“Well, were you?”
“Uh…that’s not the point.”
“Then what is?”
“The fact that he thinks all I think about is him. He doesn’t think I think about other men. So I told him it wasn’t him I was thinking about.”
“Who did you tell him you were thinking about?”
“Ummm…Gunn?”
“Oh,” Fred acknowledged cheerfully and then stopped chewing her fried rice. “Oh…”
“It’s not like I think about him like that Fred. He’s like my big brother, albeit a very hunky, muscle-y big brother. But that’s so not the point. I just said it to get a rise out of Angel.”
Fred smiled in acceptance. “So, do you think it worked?”
Cordy sighed and studied her chicken fingers intently. “A little too well maybe. Fred, do chickens actually have fingers?”
“Uh, not that I’m aware of.”
“Oh.” She looked over at the discarded McDonald’s bag. “Fred, wings, thighs, breasts,” she listed, counting each one on her fingertips. “What part of the chicken do the nuggets come from?” She looked at the young scientist with a worried expression and Fred began coughing and choking on her dinner.
“Gunn, how do you…what do you…do you think…” Angel began.
“Yo, Angel, spit it out already. I’m gonna have all these put away before you finish your question. And if you’re hitting on me, I’ll be taking your dust out with the trash.”
“Hitting on you?! No, I was wondering if you’ve been hitting on Cordelia!”
“What? Cinderella?”
“Huh?”
“Oh, nothing. Inside joke. No, I haven’t been hitting on Cordy.”
Angel wasn’t sure if he was relieved or not. If Gunn hadn’t been hitting on her, why was she having thoughts about him?
“Why do you ask?”
“Just something she said earlier.” Angel dropped his sword and left his pile of weapons waiting to be put away.
“Oh sure, leave all the fucking work to the black guy,” Gunn muttered sarcastically bud didn’t get a response. “Angel, you okay?” He watched as Angel walked up the staircase in silence.
Cordelia walked into the dark room to see Angel sitting by the window. She knew it was never a good sign when he started acting all vampire-y. “Uh oh, are we launching full broodiness mode?” she joked as cheerfully as she could manage. She felt terrible for hurting him, but he had just made her so damn angry. “Angel?” she asked when he didn’t so much as acknowledge her presence.
“Go home Cordelia,” he spoke flatly from the dark.
“Look Angel, about before—“
“Go home.”
“I’m sorry. I swear, I don’t think of Gunn that way.”
“Cordelia. I said—“
“I mean, I don’t think ‘think’ about Gunn. I was thinking about—“
“Cordelia.” Angel’s voice was getting more and more forceful as she ignored him and continued talking.
“I was thinking about—“
Angel jumped from the chair and grabbed her arms tightly. “Do you ever shut up?” he growled, his eyes flashing gold.
Cordy felt the tears sting in her eyes and knew there was no way to hide them from Angel, even in the dark. They were too big. “I was just trying to tell you that it was you I was thinking about.”
“Well, I don’t want to hear it.” He let go of her with a little shove and she looked at him with hurt and shock. “I don’t even want to look at you.”
Cordy felt her Queen C persona creep to the surface in the face of confrontation. “Well, guess what…you’re gonna look at me. You can’t talk to me that way Angel…if you had a last name, I’d be using it right now.”
“How are you going to stop me Cordelia? Freeze me like you did Gunn? Or perhaps you can just bitch me to death,” he shot back angrily.
“You know Angel, you have a right to be angry, but this is ridiculous. Okay, so I told a little white lie to make you jealous. That hardly justifies what you’re doing.” She knew her voice was wavering, but she did her best not to break down in front of him.
“What you said about Gunn is only the beginning.”
“Well, how about filling me in because I feel like I missed this part of the movie!”
Angel whirled around to face her, his expression a mix of anger and confliction. “How about these stupid decisions you’re making for one! Giving up your humanity on a whim!”
“Oh, we’re back to that are we? Well, I know for a fact that you did something rather similar! Yeah, the Powers showed me! You were human for a day and you gave it up and we all conveniently forgot!”
“That was different. I gave it up so that I could help others and to fulfill my destiny, not for some stupid, petty reason like…”
“Like what Angel? Like love? Glad to know what you think about our relationship, if you could call it one. I’d have you know that I gave up mine to help others and you! I came back to be with you, yes, but also to be your seer, to help the hopeless, yadda yadda yadda. Not everything is about you!”
Angel glared at her, his body language very closed off. “You need to leave Cordelia.”
“Oh, so now you’re kicking me out because you know I’m right?”
“No, I’m kicking you out because I tried to before you even started.”
“You should know me better than—“
“That’s the problem Cordelia. I don’t know you at all anymore. I wish you hadn’t accepted the offer of the demon, and I wish you hadn’t given up your humanity. You aren’t the woman I fell in love with anymore.” The instant the words came out, Angel wished he could take them back and wrap Cordy in his arms, but it was too late. He had said it and the look on her face said it all. The tears began to roll freely down her cheeks, her resolve broken.
Cordy lowered her eyes and wiped the tears with her hand. She looked up at him again, her chin raised and her jaw stiff. “Fine. I see how it is. See if I ever do anything for you again. I quit.”
“You can’t quit Cordy,” Angel told her softly.
“I can so quit. See this,” she motioned to herself with her hands. “This is me quitting. Find yourself another seer. One that more fits your expectations because I am who I am Angel. I thought you of all people could accept that.” Cordelia walked out the door and slammed it behind her.
Angel stood in the dark room and felt his own tears begin to fall. He never meant to say that to her, it just came out. He wondered if he should go after her but then decided that it probably wouldn’t do any good. He’d screwed things up…again.
Cordelia stood in front of her car and mentally slapped herself for leaving her keys inside the hotel. “There’s no way in hell I’m going back in there now. I’ll just call and have Fred bring them to me tomorrow.” She began walking along the deserted street, headed for her apartment.
“Hey gorgeous,” she heard someone say. Her skin crawled at the sound and she knew she was in trouble.
“So not interested,” she snapped and turned to see a half a dozen vampires. “Oh shit…”
“Yeah. We got a message for Angel, and you’re going to deliver it.”
“Oh, well, you’ll have to deliver it yourself ‘cause Angel and I don’t work together anymore,” she smiled nervously and backed away. They surrounded her.
“Don’t worry, you don’t need to talk to him to deliver this message. You’re corpse will do it for you.”
“Corpse? Oh, you mean I’m going to die, ‘cause I already did that it and it just wasn’t all they made it out to be…” she said and then screamed as the vampire she assumed to be the leader advanced on her. “Freeze!” she yelled and pointed her finger at him.
He stopped and looked at her like she was crazy. “What are you doing?”
“Oh shit…” she repeated when she realized that it didn’t work. “Why do the Powers give me a power that doesn’t work when I need it to? More importantly, why don’t they ever warn me when I’m going to be the helpless? Help!!!!”
The vampires attacked her, and she fought them off to the best of her non-human abilities, but there was just too many of them. She felt her head hit the ground with a sickening crack and then welcomed the unconsciousness. As she faded, she heard a vaguely familiar voice.
“I suggest you get the hell away from the girl before I bloody dust you all.”
Angel heard the commotion downstairs and finally went to see what it was all about. There he saw the last person he’d expected. “Spike, what are you doing here?” he asked coldly.
“It’s bloody nice to see you too Angel,” he answered sarcastically. “Now how about tell me what you said to the cheerleader to make her run off and almost get herself killed.”
Angel’s body stiffened and he took a couple of steps toward Spike. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the pack of vamps that planned to make you’re seer dinner. Said somethin’ about sending you a message. Planned to do that with a dead body, but I think that pretty much sums up the message without the death.” He stepped aside and motioned to Cordelia’s unconscious form lying on the front desk. For a split second Angel thought about how pissed she was going to be when she woke up and saw all the blood staining the smooth wood.
“Cor?” He saw the puncture marks that covered her body and felt a pang of guilt. If he hadn’t said those things to her, she never would have run out and gotten into this mess. “It’s all my fault.”
“Well, I don’t know the particulars, but by the way the vamps talked before I told the ones that were still alive to sod off, it is your fault. You are the one they were trying to get to. They were just using Cordy here as their messenger.”
“I don’t need your insight Spike,” Angel snapped.
“Well, someone’s got his knickers in a twist,” he smiled and then regained his seriousness when he saw that Angel was not amused. “Look Angel, I don’t know what happened back here, but I know you love the girl. Don’t waste time blaming yourself right now and get down to business. I’m here to help if you want.”
“Why are you really here Spike? Why did you come to LA?”
“That’s not important right now. Let’s get the cheerleader patched up and do some damage to the bastards that did this and then we’ll talk Sunnydale.”
Angel nodded for argument sake and leaned down to Cordelia. “Cordy?”
She opened her pain-filled eyes and whimpered. “Angel…”
“Cor, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for all of this, all that you’ve gone through. If I had it to do all over again, I’d figure out another way for you to survive the visions without the demon aspect; I’d keep you from dying and having to give up your humanity to come back.”
“Angel…I need to show you something…” Cordelia reached for Angel’s hand and as she gripped it, a bright light blinded him.
“How can I tell him Dennis? He’s going to be so upset. I mean, do I just slip it into the conversation? ‘Yeah, that was a great fight. We have some clients that haven’t paid their bills yet. These visions are killing me. Literally. I’m dying.’ For some reason it just doesn’t flow,” she sighed and looked out the window.
“What?” she heard a gasp from the doorway. She turned to see Angel.
“Oh, hi Angel.”
“What do you mean you’re dying?”
Cordy giggled nervously. “Oh, it’s nothing Angel. Don’t worry about it.”
“Don’t do that Cordelia.”
“Don’t do what?”
“Don’t try and make this out to be no big deal dammit! Why didn’t you tell me you’re dying?” he asked, tears blinding him.
“Because I didn’t know how. Did you hear the role play I just did? Did that work for you?”
“Cordy, I want to help you…”
She smiled sadly at him. “There’s nothing you can do Angel. I guess it’s my destiny.”
Angel looked at the hospital room. He wasn’t sure he could do this. It had been weeks since her last vision, the one that had put her here in an unrecoverable coma. He had spent days on end at her side, sleeping in a chair at her bedside, his head resting beside hers on the pillow. He had talked to her and held her hand, hoping for any sign of awakening, but he received nothing. He had never given up hope, but today was the day.
The doctors said there was no chance of her coming back. The life support machine was doing the breathing for her and there was virtually no brain activity. It was time to let her go. He took his place at her bedside one last time and squeezed her hand gently. He knew she wouldn’t want to be like this. He couldn’t leave her this way. This wasn’t living. It was just existing. It would be selfish of him to keep her breathing by machine. “I wish there was something we could have done Cordy,” he told her quietly. “There should have been something the Powers could have done to save you. It shouldn’t have happened this way.”
“It’s time Angel,” Wesley whispered solemnly and Angel nodded. The doctor flipped the switch on the machine and Angel watched as Cordelia’s chest slowly came to a standstill and listened as her heart came to a stop. He felt the tears choking at him.
“Call it?” one of the technicians asked the doctor.
“9:23 am.”
Angel leaned down and pressed his lips to hers and felt a tear fall from his cheek.
Angel blinked and looked down at Cordelia. There she was, lying on the front desk, pretty beaten up, but definitely alive.
“Okay, that was bloody un-nerving,” Spike said suddenly. “I think I may have permanent vision damage after that brightness.”
Angel ignored the blonde vampire and looked down at his seer. “Oh Cordy, I’m sorry.” For the first time he understood why she had accepted the demon becoming part of her, because, in that other reality, he would have wished it to spare her from that pain, and that death. “I understand now.”
“It’s about damn time,” she whispered and Angel laughed slightly. There was the Cordy he had fallen in love with.
“Uh, I hate to break up this Hallmark reconciliation, but if she’s going to be okay, we have another problem. The Slayer—“
“Buffy?” Angel asked with concern.
Cordelia groaned. Couldn’t she just have one beautiful moment with her vampire without someone, namely a little blonde slayer, ruining the mood?
“We’ve got a bloody right mess on our hands back in Sunnydale.”
Part 11: Returning to Sunnydale
“This is a nightmare. Tell me this is a nightmare. Someone please pinch me and wake me up. OW!” Cordelia rubbed her wounded arm as she put the last article of clothing in her bag. “That was rhetorical Charles Gunn!”
Gunn grinned and picked up her numerous bags. “Aren’t we going on business? I don’t think you need your entire wardrobe to fight evil.”
“I’m going back to Sunnydale. I need everything I’ve got…and then some.”
“I don’t see why you are so freaked about going to Sunnydale. I’d think you’d be glad to see your friends again.”
“Friend is such a relative term.” She dropped a pair of shoes on top of her pile of belongings in Gunn’s arms. “I was hoping I’d never have to go back to Sunnyhell…”
“It’s alright Barbie. We won’t stay for long, I hope. Not a small town guy myself.”
They walked downstairs and Angel felt a twinge of jealousy seeing the two of them together. He forced a slight smile and helped Gunn with the bags. “Ready to go?”
“Just dying to get back,” Cordy muttered. “’Course I was dying to get out too…and almost died there. Are we all finding a theme here? Sunnydale equals death. I don’t understand why Buffy can’t do this without us. She’s a big girl now, and if Willow is still all Wicca-Chick…am I the only one who—“
“Cordelia, Buffy needs our help. We can’t just tell her we won’t come because we don’t want to.”
“Well why not?” Cordy’s eyes met Angel’s and she rolled hers. “Fine. Hi Ho, Off to Sunnydale we go.”
Cordy plastered on her biggest smile and walked through the door of Buffy’s house. “Oh look, the Scooby Gang’s all here…along with tons of teenage girls?” She turned and looked at Wesley. “I know you said that her sister was some sort of mystical thing, but…is this an epidemic?”
“I believe these are the potential slayers,” Wesley whispered.
“Ahh…poor girls. A lifetime of loser-hood ahead of them.”
“I thought you said she’d grown,” Buffy said, glancing at Angel. He looked at Cordelia with a warning glare and she put up her hands.
“What? Just living up to the expectations they all have for me.”
“Maybe you should have your girlfriend go to the mall or something. Wouldn’t want to cramp her style,” Buffy spoke sarcastically and motioned to Giles.
“If I stay, Cordy stays. She’s part of the team Buffy.”
“Fine. Whatever.”
Giles filled the members of Angel Investigations in on the First Evil and introduced each of the potential slayers. In turn, Angel introduced his friends to the Sunnydale gang. When he got to Connor, he paused slightly. “This is Connor…my…son.” Everyone in the room gasped.
“I didn’t think that was possible,” Kennedy whispered to Willow who just shrugged.
“You have a son?” Buffy asked with hurt in her voice.
“Buffy, don’t you have a big bad that you need our help with?” Cordelia asked, trying to cut the tension. She only added to it.
“Why don’t you get the hell out of my house. You have no place here, and you have no place at Angel’s side,” the blonde spat.
“Oh, now I remember the main reason I didn’t want to come back here…you.” Cordelia turned on her heels and stormed out of the house.
“Cordy!” Angel called after her, but she was long gone.
She had never felt like a part of the group. Why did she think this time would be any different? “Oh, that’s right. I didn’t. I tried to tell Angel, but did he listen? No. He let Little Miss Sunnydale kick me out and insult me.”
“Hello Princess,” a voice spoke from behind her.
She turned to see a very familiar Irishman. “Doyle?” she gasped. “Oh wait, First Evil, dead people. Leave me alone you big…evil you.”
“But Princess, I hate seein’ him treat ya like that. I mean, how could he let that puny thing talk to ya that way? It’s just not right.”
“Umm, hello, no news to me. If you’re trying to rattle me, it’s not gonna work. Doyle’s dead.”
“Fine. Die with the rest of them!” the First hissed and disappeared into the night.
“All flash and no substance.” She marched back into the Summers’ home and ignored the icy stare from Buffy. “So what’s the plan Giles? You’re baddie just really pissed me off. No one messes with me or my friends…not even the dead ones.”
“What did you see Cordelia?” Giles asked as he cleaned his glasses.
“It was…Doyle,” she answered and looked at Angel. He alone could see the pain and torment caused by the sight of the first using Doyle’s image.
“Who’s Doyle?” Xander asked with a hand raised.
“I’d say no one now if the First appeared as him,” Anya answered simply and Cordelia glared at her.
“Don’t you ever say something like that again! Doyle was a good man, and he was a hero!” she yelled at Anya. Angel took his seer into his arms and held her shaking body.
“Shhh…it’s okay Cor.”
Xander looked at the body language between the two and stood up. “Wait a minute…are those two together?”
“Now, what exactly is this spell suppose to do again?” Gunn asked uneasily.
“It’s suppose to summon the power of the First so we can contain it and destroy it,” Willow answered from inside the circle.
“Now everyone remember, this is going to be very perilous. The First is going to make it’s greatest attempts to control us. Keep your guard up.” Giles handed the ingredients to Willow one at a time and she began the spell.
Cordelia didn’t understand anything Willow said, but she felt the power in the room. In seconds, she saw the witch’s eyes turn to a coal black and heard a very un-natural voice coming from her. “You don’t know what you’re dealing with.”
“My first guess would be something evil?” Cordelia asked, trying to be as snarky as possible.
“Cor.”
“What? Like we all don’t know.”
They all watched as the First threw Willow from the circle. Cordelia looked at the center of the circle and saw Doyle. She fought the pull, knowing it was just a trick of the First’s, but he looked so real.
“Come on Princess. Ya made me wait so long before ya’d give me a chance. Don’t make me wait any longer.”
“Doyle,” she whispered sadly and bit her lip.
“No Cordy, that’s not Doyle. You know it’s not. We saw Doyle die, remember?”
“Yes, remember Cordelia.” Cordy closed her eyes involuntarily and opened them to find herself standing face to face with Francis Doyle. She looked at the light hanging from the top of the ship and felt the dread inside of her. She knew what was about to happen.
The others watched as Cordy closed her eyes and began to cry. None of them knew what she was seeing except for Angel. He knew exactly what card the First was playing. “No Cordy! Don’t believe it! It’s not real!”
Willow struggled to her feet and grabbed the dagger from an awe-struck Xander and hurled it into the circle, directly at the center of the power.
As the room was filled with a rush of power, Cordelia was thrown against the wall. She opened her eyes and looked at Angel. She began sobbing when he picked her up. “Oh Angel, it was terrible. He did it again. He kissed me again and gave me those damn visions,” she cried and then began shaking. “Oh god I miss him…”
“I know Cordy, I do too.”
“How is she?” Buffy asked quietly. She had never seen Cordelia like that before. It made her actually seem human.
“She’s been better. That really messed with her,” Angel said as he closed the door quietly.
“Were her and Doyle…?”
“Given time, they might have been. He really liked her. He was in love with her, and I think she was falling for him, but he had to go and be a hero before they could even go out on a date.”
“Oh.” Buffy didn’t know what else to say so she went back downstairs. “What do we do now Willow? I mean, did that kill the First?”
“I’d say no. It was too easy.”
“But the loud noise and swirly wind?”
“I don’t know Buffy. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”
Cordelia opened the door and walked down the hallway. “Hey Cordy. You sure you’re up to being up?” Xander asked from the staircase.
“I’m sure. But I think you need to be down,” she snarled and pointed her outstretched arm in his direction, throwing him down the stairs with an invisible force from the palm of her hand. “Thanks Doyle. You just have a knack for giving me power, don’t you?”
“Are you sure it was Cordelia?” Wesley asked worriedly.
“Let’s see, about yay tall, brown hair, beautiful. Yeah, that sounds like Cordelia to me. But there was definitely something different…like oh say, the throwing me down the stairs without even touching me!”
“Dammit! She said she didn’t want to come here. Why did I insist?”
“Because you thought her power would be of some help Angel. It’s not your fault this happened to her. It could have been any of us. The First is cunning and powerful and—“
“Okay Wes, I get it. We just have to find Cordelia and—“
“Kill her?” Anya asked.
“No! Don’t hurt her.”
“Angel, you have to accept the possibility that we may have to—“
“Look Buffy, I don’t expect you to understand, but I do expect you to help. This is your town, but she’s my seer. I need her. We all need her.”
“Bloody hell man. You keep getting her into jams like this, she ain’t gonna wanna come back to work for you,” Spike pointed out.
“Let’s find her,” Angel sighed impatiently.
“I swear, this place is the Mecca of all evildom,” Xander muttered as they approached the old mansion. “For once I’d like to come here and not fight for my life.”
“Hopefully we won’t have to fight Xander,” Giles reminded the young man somberly.
“Yes, hopefully this spell will do the trick and bring back Cordelia.” Wesley calculated the precise positioning of each of them during the spell. Everything had to be perfect or it wouldn’t work.
“Cordelia?” Angel called, sensing her presence within. “Cordy, we’re here to help.”
“Help? You can’t help her now,” the First grinned, wearing Cordelia’s face.
“Let her go.”
“Or you’ll do what? Kill me? Could you actually kill your beloved Cordelia?” She walked up to Angel, inviting him to attack her, which he did not. “I didn’t think so.” She backhanded him, sending him flying up against the marble fireplace. He fell to the ground, unconscious. “Some Champion. Down for the count already.”
“I didn’t think the First could touch things,” one of the potentials asked another quietly.
“Look at all the little girls. That’s all you are, you know. Little girls. You’re nothing special. The only way you will be is if another one of you dies. Hmm…what a lovely concept. How about I just kill you all. And as far as me not being tangible, well let’s just say, this isn’t the first time I’ve inhabited this body.”
Gunn took a step forward. “What the hell are you talking about? What have you done to Cordelia?”
“Done to her? Nothing. I couldn’t have done anything without her. Of course, things were so easy when the PTB called her to be a Higher Being. A beautiful, vacant body that I could do all kinds of damage with.” She reached out her hand and pulled a stunned Connor to her as Angel regained consciousness. “I still can’t believe how easily you all believed that Cordelia would sleep with little Connor here. You were all so easy!”
Angel thought back to the things he had said to Connor as Angelus. ‘Do you really think she loved you Little Boy?’ ‘You were nothing to her.’ None of that had been her and they had all fallen for it. All of them but Angelus.
“How can this be possible Giles? How can the First change the rules in the middle of the game?” Buffy asked.
“I’m not entirely certain Buffy. We don’t know everything about the First, so there may be other aspects that we aren’t aware of.”
“That’s comforting.”
“Why Cordelia?” Angel asked as he struggled to his feet.
“Because she was there. Oh and because she’s so powerful. But mostly, because she was the closest link to Angelus.”
Angel nodded. He had known the answer before he had even asked the question. It was never about Cordelia solely. The First was going for Angelus. “If it’s Angelus you want, then you have to make a deal with me.”
“Angel! Are you crazy?” Buffy yelled out.
“Shut up and stay out of this Buffy.” Angel turned back to the First with a questioning look.
“A deal? What kind of deal? I let your friends live and you’ll give me Angelus?”
“No, you let me lose my soul the way that I’ve wanted to for a very long time. You let me have Cordelia back for that long.”
Buffy’s jaw tightened and the tears filled her eyes. Spike put his arm around her and squeezed her gently. “It’s okay Love. We’ll fix everything.”
The First smiled at Angel and shoved Connor away from her. “Done.”
Gunn took a step forward as Angel turned to him. “Angel, you can’t do this. Cordy will kill you…literally.”
“The First will kill everyone if I don’t. Angelus is the only one that can see through the disguises. You need Angelus as much as the First does.” He turned his back to his friends and picked up Cordelia’s sleeping form. He carried her up the stairs and into the seclusion of the mansion’s bedroom.
He touched her face gently and silently apologized to her. He kissed her lips tenderly until he felt her return the kiss. She opened her eyes and smiled. He smiled back and began to kiss his way down her neck, pausing at the crook in her neck, feeling her pulse against his lips before carefully unbuttoning her shirt. He thought he heard her feeble attempt at a protest, but she was too far in the moment to care much about the consequences. He unhooked her bra and took a nipple in his mouth, rolling it with his teeth until it hardened with arousal. He heard her moan in pleasure and he felt his worries and pain start to slip away. He tugged on her pants and panties until the items became a forgot heap on the floor. He pulled off his own clothes and pressed his body against hers, feeling her heat. She spread her legs, inviting him in, an invitation he was not about to refuse. He guided himself inside of her and gasped at the burning heat of her body against his coldness. He felt her fingernails rake down his back as he thrust into her, leaving angry red welts on the black tattoo. He took her mouth in his and their tongues danced in a graceful ballet. He felt the muscles inside of her begin to tighten and smiled as she screamed in satisfaction. He continued to move inside of her until he felt his own climax. He tightened his fingers around her shoulders and the second he felt the soul slip from his body, he sunk his teeth into her soft flesh.
She suddenly threw him off of her with a force he had never felt before. “I don’t think that was part of the deal. The feeding off me I mean.”
“Don’t worry, the First will take over again shortly,” Angelus smirked, licking her blood from his lips. “Tasty. Like apples and cinnamon.”
“Yeah, well savor it because it’s the last thing you’re ever going to taste,” she threatened and lunged at him with a jagged piece of wood. She pinned him against the wall and pressed the stake against his heart. “Unless you do as I say.”
Angelus laughed. “Give the girl a little power and she’ll take a mile.”
“I will dust you, you sick bastard.”
“Like you did last time?”
“Hello? Dead? Ghost? Does any of this ring a bell?” She tightened her grip on the stake. “I did manage to drive you crazy…er. So, are you going to play by my rules or am I going to kill you?”
“I’m listening.”
Cordelia pushed a chained Angelus down the stairs in front of her. She looked up at the others and smoothed her hair. “Next time I say I don’t want to come back to Sunnydale, will someone please listen to me?”
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