Title: Fragile Memories
Author: Lilyana_vamp
Posted: 04-05-2003
Email: lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com
Rating: NC17
Category: BtVS 3.
Content: B/A (not for long, I promise!), C/A
Summary: Answer to a challenge given to me by tipdip. Cordy has a crush on Angel, but he and Buffy can barely tolerate her presence. Angel loses his memory and then the fun begins.
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution:
Notes:
Feedback:Part 1: The Third Wheel
Cordelia sat at the table with her chin resting on her hands. She was bored. She was annoyed. No, actually, she was downright pissed. She had been dragged along on yet another ‘patrol’ with Buffy and Angel so that she could be the bait. She was getting sick of being the bait. More to the point, she was really sick of being the third wheel.
“Do you think this is a good idea?” she heard Buffy ask Angel and strained to hear what the answer would be.
“I know she isn’t your favorite person, and she’s not on top of my list, but she’s the only one that can pull it off.”
Buffy nodded. “Willow would probably be too scared, nothing against that, and Xander…well seeing you and Xander getting all cuddly would just damage me permanently.”
“But you don’t mind me getting all cuddly with Cordelia?” Angel asked, a hint of jealousy in his voice.
“This is Cordelia we’re talking about. I know I don’t have anything to worry about,” Buffy reassured him and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him lovingly.
Cordy coughed in interruption. “Okay, not that I don’t want to see you two slobber all over each other, because I don’t, but can we just get this over with? Some of us here do have a life.” She pointed a finger in Angel’s direction. “And I mean that literally for you.”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Yeah yeah, let’s do it.” Buffy led the group out of the Bronze and into the darkness that was Sunnydale at night.
***
“Cordelia, I don’t think this is what Buffy had in mind,” Angel whispered harshly as the brunette groped him mercilessly.
“Yeah, well, I had better plans for this evening too, which did not include feeling up a guy who’s been dead for 240 years,” she hissed back and squeezed his ass firmly, causing him to jump a little. She had to admit she enjoyed the groping though. Angel was a major hottie, even if he was undead…and dating Buffy…and prone to evil-ness. Well, no guy’s perfect! “Just keep your mouth shut and play along so we can all go home.”
Angel growled and Cordy glared at him. “Don’t you growl at me Buddy. I’ll dust your ass…of course then I’d have to send this dress to the drycleaners and the one that Daddy has them sent to never does a good enough job so I’m always stuck with reminders of what nasty you two had me luring—“ she babbled.
Angel couldn’t stand it any longer. He had to do something to shut her up. Anything to stop the incessant yapping…
Buffy watched from behind the bushes, waiting for the demon to show itself. It liked to pray on couples stealing a few moments to themselves in the darkness. Some people just didn’t learn that you didn’t go out at night in Sunnydale. The scene that unfolded before her caused her to drop her sword on shock, horror and disgust.
Angel was kissing Cordelia! Her boyfriend was kissing Queen C! She watched in morbid fascination at the sight, unable to tear her eyes away. She couldn’t even move or shout out a warning until it was too late.
The demon made its attack without Angel even sensing him. It grabbed Cordy around the waist and ripped her out of his arms, which had somehow entangled themselves around her voluptuous body. He growled at the sudden loss of warmth, forgetting for a moment who it was that he had been kissing, and then saw the demon trying to make its escape.
He chased it down and swept its feet out from underneath it with the blunt side of his broadsword. Cordelia landed with a loud thud underneath it.
“Thanks a lot!” she yelled and tried to push her captor off. “My Knight in Shining Armor,” she grumbled sarcastically. “Letting me get kidnapped by some demon, slime and tentacles and all and then knocking him down on top of me. Could you be any less efficient?”
Angel tried to ignore her and hacked at the demon. Slime sputtered from severed limbs, covering a now very angry teenage girl.
“Maybe if you’d shut up, I’d be able to kill this thing!” He stabbed through the demon’s body, the blade barely missing Cordelia’s own torso.
“What the hell?! What are you trying to do, kill me?!”
“The thought had occurred to me,” he answered and pulled his sword out. He pulled the limp form off of Cordy and reached down a hand to help her up.
“Pfft. I don’t need help from a deranged vampire,” she refused and pulled herself to her feet. She looked down at her ruined clothing and groaned. “This dress cost $400!” Cordy looked up as the demon made one last lunge at Angel. “Angel! Look out!!”
Angel dodged to the side, avoiding the demon’s attack, but stepping right into the path of Buffy’s. Her sword connected with the side of his head as he moved in front of her, the blunt side leaving an instant welt. Angel dropped to the ground, unconscious next to the dying demon.
“Oh my god! Angel!” Buffy cried out and rushed to his side.
Cordelia looked on in shock. She wasn’t shocked that Buffy had knocked Angel out, or that she had run to his side, she was shocked by the fact that Buffy seemed to have completely forgotten about the demon that had tried to kill them; the demon that was now creeping closer and closer to Angel’s unmoving body.
Cordy picked up Angel’s discarded weapon and chopped off the demon’s head, causing it to stop moving permanently. She wiped the slime that had flew onto her face and glared at Buffy. “I can’t believe you.”
“What’s that suppose to mean?” Buffy asked, glaring back.
“First, you go and knock out Angel, way to go by the way, and then leave the demon slayage to me. Okay, not Little Miss Likes to Slay here,” she snarked, pointing to herself. “You do your own slaying from now on. Better yet, do your own luring too. Being around you is too dangerous to the health of my wardrobe.”
Buffy stared at Cordy dumbfounded. Angel was knocked out and all she could think about was her clothes? “Listen Cordy—“ she started, standing up and taking a few steps toward the other girl.
“Spare me Buffy. I don’t wanna hear your sob story about your poor precious Angel being more important than me. Heard it a million times already. Getting pretty old. I wonder how Angel can stand to listen to the same old things over and over again? Face it Buffy, you’re really repetitive.”
“Where’d you learn such big words like that Cordy?” Buffy shot back.
“What are you trying to say Buffy? That I’m dumb?”
“I don’t have to say it. You just said it for me.”
That was all it took. Cordy flew into a rage and attacked the blonde slayer with everything she had. She knew she was no match for Buffy’s slayer strength, but she’d never have a chance to use it if Cordy was tearing out all of her hair.
The two struggled and Buffy tried desperately to get a hit in in order to get Cordy off of her, but the brunette held fast to her hair. Buffy fell to her back and rolled, throwing Cordy over her head. She could have sworn she felt a chunk of hair being ripped from her scalp.
Cordy let out a yelp and landed hard on top of something. When she opened her eyes and looked down, she was staring into Angel’s intense, brown eyes. “Hey! You’re awake!”
“Hey Gorgeous,” he answered, giving her a sly smile.
Cordy was taken aback. She’d had plenty of dreams, day and night, of Angel calling her that, but never dreamed they would come true. “Are you delirious or something?” she asked skeptically.
“Angel!” Buffy cried out in joy. “Oh, I was worried that I’d really hurt you!”
Angel looked at Cordelia and smiled again at the sight of her face. She was the single most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Her skin was like porcelain, her hair a dark river, rippling with soft waves, her eyes sparkling like a million stars on a hazel blanket, and her smile lit up the darkest places inside of him. “You are so beautiful.”
Buffy looked down at him in disbelief. Was he really telling Cordelia she was beautiful? “Angel?” she asked, her voice weak.
Angel glanced up at Buffy again and then let himself drown in the pools that were Cordelia’s eyes. “Who’s the scrawny blonde?”
Part 2
Buffy looked down at her boyfriend who was wearing Cordelia Chase, and liking it! “Scrawny? Where the hell do you get off saying I’m scrawny!?”
“Hey, if the shoe fits…”
“Shut up Cordelia!”
“Oohh, someone’s got her panties in a twist.” Cordy grinned at Buffy. She was enjoying this way too much. She had finally come out on top of Buffy. Actually, she was quite literally on top of Angel, which was in no way a bad thing. She looked down at the vampire beneath her and melted at the look of entrancement on his face. “What is your deal? You look like someone waved a magic wand in your face or something.”
“You are so beautiful.”
“Yeah, you said that already.” Buffy glared at the two, her words dripping with venom.
“But you can never hear it too much,” Cordelia smiled.
“Come on. We need to go see if Giles can fix this.”
“I don’t think anything needs fixing Buffy. I think Angel is just finally seeing things as they are.”
“Shut up Cordelia. I don’t need you rubbing it in.” Buffy grabbed Angel’s arm, pulling him to his feet and sending Cordy tumbling to the ground beside them.
“Hey!”
Angel shrugged Buffy off of him and reached down to help Cordy up. “That was uncalled for. What did she ever do to you?”
“Where to begin…” Buffy was angry and hurt and confused. How could Angel suddenly decide that Cordy was better than she was? It has to be memory loss, because Angel would never chose Cordy. Of course, he did kiss her…oh god, stop thinking Buffy! She watched in disgust as her boyfriend wrapped his arm around Cordy’s waist, pulling her as close as he possibly could. “Let’s go.”
***
Angel and Cordy followed a few steps behind Buffy. He nibbled at Cordy’s ear and nuzzled her neck as they walked and she giggled loudly. Buffy wanted to vomit.
“Come on you two. We’re almost there; can you please knock off the PDA? It’s just disturbing.” When she didn’t get an answer, she turned around half expecting to see the two of them pressed up against a wall groping at each other. Instead she saw nothing. No Angel. No Cordelia. No groping. “Thank god for small favors. Where are you guys? This isn’t funny!” she called into the darkness.
***
Cordelia stifled a giggle at the sound of Buffy calling them, but Angel continued to pull her down the side street. “Where are we going?”
“Home.”
“Not my home!” she told him seriously.
“Of course not, my home.”
“Ugh, that creepy old mansion?”
Angel looked at her with a puzzled expression. “No, my apartment. What mansion?”
“Apartment? Apartment good. Mansion bad. Okay, let’s go!” Cordy quickened her pace to catch up. “So, what have you got in mind?” she asked cluelessly.
Angel gave her his sly grin once again and pulled her through the door. He led her to the bedroom and spun around, suddenly assaulting her lips with his own. He ran his hands over her body, taking in every delicious curve and tangled them in her long brown hair.
They stumbled towards the bed, neither of them wanting to break their hold on the other. Angel pushed Cordy backwards onto his bed, breaking her fall with his own arm. He maneuvered himself so that he had full access to the beautiful girl beneath him.
Cordy felt his lips brush her ear and her entire body broke out in chills. She shuddered at the sensation of his cool breath against her fiery hot skin. He ran his tongue down the length of her neck and nipped playfully at her shoulder. He pulled the delicate strap of her dress down with his teeth, and did the same with the other side.
Angel grinned as Cordy’s body arched into him, inviting him to touch her, taste the salty goodness of her skin and he obliged. He pulled the slinky material off of her and lowered his head, taking an exposed nipple into his mouth. He heard her moan as he rolled it between his teeth and he reached a hand up, grasping the other nipple with a little pinch. Cordy gasped and her hips began to gyrate against him.
He smiled at the sensation he was causing in her and pulled his hand away from her now rock hard nipple. She whimpered until she felt it tug at her panties. Once he was through the barrier of lace, he twirled his finger in her curls, smelling her arousal becoming stronger and stronger. She bucked against his hand as he brushed her nub lightly and he increased his torture of the nipple he held prisoner in his mouth.
She uttered something between a plea and a demand as he continually brushed his finger against her, teasing her, causing her to thrust her hips against him over and over. Finally he obeyed and let his finger slide into her hot, wet core. She moaned in pleasure as he rubbed her with his thumb before letting another finger slide inside.
Cordy writhed underneath him as he left her nipple and made his way down her stomach, leaving a moist trail with his tongue. Cordy protested when his thumb stopped it’s sweet torment and then gasped as she felt his cool tongue flick at her hyper-sensitive nub. He furiously pumped his fingers inside of her and his tongue matched the action on her clit.
He could smell her orgasm creeping closer and closer, the smell intoxicating him as he worked his magic on her firm, perfect body. He sucked her into his mouth, rolling her around and pressing his face deep into her. She bucked wildly against him and then suddenly pulled away. He growled at the denial of her orgasm.
“No, we can’t.”
He propped himself over her and looked down at her with an annoyed expression. “Why not?”
“Okay, because one, hello, not looking to be the cause of releasing the big evil that is you on a bad day, two, because you don’t even remember that you’re with Buffy, not me, three, because Buffy…need I say more, and four, this is where you and Buffy…ewww much!!” Dammit! Why do I suddenly have to be mature and unselfish and so not like me!!
Angel gave her an exasperated look and rolled to his side. “I don’t understand you.”
Cordy pulled her dress back over her head and raised an eyebrow to him. “What’s that suppose to mean?”
“You’re getting all wet for me and then suddenly make me stop because of some blonde you have made clear you don’t care too much for? Why do you care about her?”
“I don’t care about Buffy. I care about…you.” She looked at him shyly. “If we’re going to, you know, then I don’t want it to be when you don’t remember who everyone is. I want it to be when you know exactly who I am, and exactly who Buffy is, and then you can make your decision.”
He smiled at her and licked his fingers. “Why would I ever choose her over something so delicious as you?”
She smiled back. “You’d be surprised how dense you can be. Now come on, we need to get to the library before Buffy sends out a search party…or a lynching party.”
***
“I’m not kidding Giles. If it hadn’t been for the blessing of clothing, they’d probably have been getting busy right there on the street!”
“I can do without the graphic images, thank you Buffy. I’m not sure what I can do to help.”
Buffy glared at him in disbelief. “Fix him!”
“I think he works just fine,” Cordy spoke up as she and Angel walked through the library doors. The scoobies looked up at them suspiciously.
“Don’t tell me you…” Buffy started, her voice full of repulsion.
“Oh please! I’m a little smarter than some people in here. I don’t go around sleeping with soulled vampires and releasing their inner demons.” No sense in letting them know how far things had gotten before she stopped it. What would be the point?
Giles eyed Angel cautiously and then motioned for the two newcomers to sit down. He examined the vampire’s head, noting the large bump that was still evident on the side of his skull.
“I think this is just a case of memory loss due to the blow he received from that demon Buffy. Nothing magical or mystical.”
“Demon? The demon didn’t knock Angel into happy land! Buffy did!” Cordy cried out accusingly and Buffy glowered at her. “I can’t believe she was trying to make you all believe that she was little miss innocent!!”
Buffy glanced around at the looks of shock on her friends’ faces. “What? It was an accident!”
“Buffy, next time, make sure you give me the full details if you want me to help,” Giles sighed in disappointment. “Since this was merely an act of getting hit on the head, I’m assuming we just need to wait for his memories to be triggered once again.”
Buffy watched as Angel stood behind Cordy and wrapped his arms around her waist. He rested his chin on her shoulder and began to nibble hungrily at her ear causing her to squeal and laugh.
“Great. I don’t know how much longer I can watch this Skinemax presentation without hurling.”
Part 3: Remembering
Cordelia drove toward home after the others demanded that Angel stay with them so they could ‘figure things out’. She was disappointed that she didn’t have her newfound man to ride with her. She always had known she could steal him away from Buffy if he’d just notice her, and she was accomplishing it, until the scoobies interfered. “And I woulda gotten away with it too if it weren’t for those meddling kids.”
She looked at the large house with its security gate enclosing it safely, it’s lush, green grass, and it’s lonely, dark windows. It had been too long since life had inhabited her childhood home. Her heart ached at the thought of leaving it again without going inside. “Why did Daddy have to screw things up for us? And why did they have to leave me without anything?” she asked herself, the tears rolling down her cheeks.
She drove around to the back of the house and hid her car in the shelter of the trees and locked her doors tightly. She crawled into the back seat and tried to make herself as comfortable as possible, squeezing her eyes shut, willing the tears not to come again. She knew it wasn’t safe to sleep in her car, hiding in the dark in Sunnydale, but what choice did she have? She couldn’t let anyone know that she had nowhere to live and that all her remaining belongings could fit into the trunk of her car. That would be social suicide.
***
Angel managed to slip out of the library without anyone noticing him and he was relieved. If he had had to stay there one more minute with that slayer and her groupies, he would have snapped. All she could do was go on and on about how great she was at slaying vampires and demons. The last thing he wanted to hear was how great she was at killing his kind. Sure, he may not be a threat to her, but he didn’t want to listen to her brag all night.
He looked around the parking lot for Cordelia, but she was long gone. He could have killed the Harris kid for the sarcastic things he was saying to her. If they didn’t think Cordy belonged with them, then neither did he. He wanted to be wherever his Cordy was.
He followed her scent, walking at a brisk pace. He in no way wanted her to be alone at night in this place. He might not have remembered who everyone was, but he knew that Sunnydale was no place to go for a leisurely nighttime stroll. Her scent led him down an unfamiliar path and he found himself standing in front of a very large house surrounded with a fence. He easily scaled the walls and walked to where the scent was the strongest. He looked up at the window that he thought housed his Cordelia and vaulted up to the balcony. Upon peering inside, he knew his instincts were wrong.
The room was empty, bare, lonely. It smelled of Cordy, but there was nothing of her in there. The walls were plain white and the plush carpet was indented where her comfortable bed used to sit. The empty closet seemed to cry out for her. The whole house seemed haunted with the essence of the Chase family, but now just the ghosts of life remained.
As he leapt to the ground and peered through the kitchen window, he noticed a forgotten fork laying on the floor, and in the living room, a plant was wilting, begging for water and sunlight. He would imagine Cordy living in this house, laughing and smiling, but now there was nothing but darkness.
He looked around at the backyard, progressively becoming over grown with weeds and sensed something hiding in the trees. He walked toward the source of his suspicion and was surprised to see Cordy’s car; he was even more surprised to see her sleeping in the backseat. Why was she sleeping in her car? Why wasn’t she with her family, in her nice warm house?
He knocked on the door lightly, not wanting to frighten her, but he failed miserably. The scream that escaped her lips was audible, even for human ears. She sat upright and looked shakily out the car window.
As her eyes met Angel’s, she didn’t know whether to be scared or angry or relieved. She was petrified of sleeping outside in Sunnydale and knew that Angel would protect her, but she didn’t know if she wanted Angel to know about her situation. What if he got his memory back? He’d go and tell Buffy and the others and then Xander would blab it all over Sunnydale High. She’d be ruined.
“Are you trying to scare me to death?” she asked, her fear disguised in venom.
“What are you doing Cordelia? What is going on?” Angel asked straightly, motioning to the dark house.
“Oh, that? It’s nothing,” she tried to shrug it off, but could see the vampire was having none of it.
“The truth Cordy, and now.” His voice was firm and ungiving.
Cordy suddenly couldn’t keep it in anymore. She wanted, no she needed to tell someone, and who better than Angel? He’d suffered being homeless; he’d know what to do. The words came pouring out of her mouth, followed by her betraying tears. She hadn’t wanted to cry in front of him, but she couldn’t help it.
Angel listened in stunned silence as the beautiful rich in girl in front of him told him that she had nothing, that it had all been taken away and her parents had taken off, leaving her to fend for herself in not only a cruel world, but an even crueler town. His heart ached at the sight of her tears and he sat in the backseat of the car beside her, holding her gently in his strong arms.
“Why don’t you come back to my apartment? You can’t sleep in your car. It’s not safe.”
“I can’t Angel. Not after we almost…”
“I’ll make a deal with you: you come back to my apartment where I’ll know you’re safe, and I’ll go to the mansion. I vaguely remember something about it. You need to be somewhere safe, and here isn’t it.” Angel wasn’t about to back down and Cordy could sense it. She nodded slowly and wiped her tears from her cheeks.
“I don’t want the others to know Angel,” she pleaded.
“I won’t tell them.”
***
Cordelia looked around at the sparse apartment and cringed. Angel had good taste, but he needed more in the way of decorations. It just seemed kind of bare. She turned as Angel brought in the box that contained what was left of her life as she knew it and felt like crying all over again. How could Queen C end up like this?
Angel sensed her shame and set the box down in the bedroom. He walked back out and took her into his arms. “You don’t have to be ashamed Cordy. You didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t think of you any differently than I did before.”
Cordy was relieved to hear him say those words to her. She didn’t want him to think less of her know that she was broke. She leaned into his chest and let out one single sob. She then picked up her head high and smiled at him. “You know Angel, you’re the greatest. You let me kick you out of your bed and take over your home just like that,” she said and snapped her fingers. “I don’t know how I can every thank you, as cliché as that sounds.”
“Will you let me love you?”
“Huh?” Cordy looked at him in shock.
Angel sat down and pulled her down beside him. “Cordy, I know that you said I was in love with Buffy before whatever happened happened, but I have to be honest with you; I don’t want to be without you. I don’t want to get my memory back if it means that I can’t be with you anymore. You make me feel human, more human than I’ve felt in centuries. I think I’m falling in love with you Cordelia Chase,” he confessed and leaned in to kiss her.
Cordy welcomed his lips on her own. She lost herself in his kiss, willing herself to become part of him. She felt his hands roam her body, trying to map out every inch of it and she arched against him. As his lips traveled down her neck, her ‘not-a-good-idea’ sensor went off. “Angel,” she gasped and pulled away.
Angel wanted to be angry with her, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t be angry at those sparkling hazel eyes, or that flowing mahogany hair, or those full, plump lips that looked like they had been kissed by cherries… Angel ripped his eyes away from her voluptuous body and stood up shakily. “I…I should go.” After everything those kids had told him tonight, he knew that making love to Cordelia was the last thing he should do if he was trying to keep her safe.
Cordy nodded and followed him to the door. She smiled and pushed him out as he dove in to kiss her again. “None of that mister. I’m a proper young lady. You’ve escorted me home, now you need to go away,” she winked at him and he growled, half angrily, half good-naturedly.
“Good evening M’lady,” he bowed before her. She curtsied and closed the door. Angel looked at the solid wood and wondered if she would sleep any better than he would. He knew that sleep was going to be difficult, as wound up as he was now.
***
Cordy shut the door in Angel’s face and leaned her back against it. She wondered if he’d sleep any better than she would tonight. She walked in and looked at the bed, not overly fond of the idea of sleeping in the same bed that her Angel and a certain blonde slayer had occupied, but her bones were weary. The thought of a real bed was too much for her to fight.
She collapsed on the bed and drifted off into a restless but wonderful sleep.
***
His hands were cool against her skin and she arched her body, giving him full access to all she had to offer. She dragged her fingernails down his back, leaving red welts in their wake and her groaned in pleasure. His fingers and teeth teased her nipples, torturing them ever so sweetly and she pleaded incoherently. She needed him. She needed him inside of her now.
“Cordy? Cordy, are you okay?” The voice ripped her out of her dream, and she was none too happy about it. She rolled over in the bed and pulled the pillow over her head, hoping that the intruding noise would go away and let her pick up her dream where she had left off. It didn’t. She threw the pillow at the door and groaned when she heard it open.
“Cordy!”
“What?!” She rolled over in the bed to see Angel standing there, Buffy beside him. She knew something wasn’t right. As her gaze traveled down, she noticed their hands entwined together. Something in her stomach churned and she bit back the tears at the realization: nothing was wrong, they were right. They were the way they were supposed to be again. Angel remembered that it was Buffy that he loved, not her the way he had said the night before. Cordy didn’t think a heart could break into so many pieces.
“Buffy said you didn’t go to school today. We were worried.”
Cordy plastered on her trademark smile and shook her head. “Nothing wrong on the home front. Just catching up on some sleep! Thanks for letting me crash here after my car broke down,” she lied too chipperly and jumped out of the bed. She grabbed her things and rushed out the door before anyone could say otherwise.
Buffy turned to Angel. “That was odd…even odder for Cordelia anyways.”
Angel nodded. When Buffy hugged him, he returned her embrace, but something didn’t feel right. It felt as though he would crush her body if he squeezed too tightly. She didn’t have that deliciously perfect figure of the girl he had held the same way the night before, that of Cordelia Chase.
***
Cordy cringed as she saw Buffy and Angel walk into the Bronze together. It had been a few hours since she’d left them all staring after her and she was in no rush to see them again. She stood up and tried to make a quick exit, but Angel caught up with her.
“Cordelia, where are you going?”
“Oh geez, I don’t know Angel. How about somewhere without all the drama that is you two?” she snapped and tried to pull herself out of his grip.
“You don’t have anywhere else to go. I know. Here.” He handed her a key and she looked at it with a puzzled expression. “It’s the key to the apartment. Stay as long as you need to. I’ll be at the mansion.”
Cordy wanted to throw the key back in his face but she knew he was right. She took it from him and turned on her heels, her hair flying in his face.
He watched the girl walk away from him and part of him wanted to run after her and take her into his arms, but the other part knew that his girlfriend was waiting for him at a table, waiting to pick up their life where it had left off. He made his way back to the table and gave Buffy a smile.
“It’s good to have things back to normal, isn’t it?” she asked with a bright smile of her own.
He noticed the smile didn’t seem nearly as bright as that of another’s. “Yeah, good,” he answered uncertainly.
Part 4: Let Me Show You The Stars
Cordelia didn’t want to get up and face the world again, but she did anyways. The sooner she graduated, the sooner she would be away from Buffy and the rest of the loser league. More so, she would be away from Angel. She would rather never see the vampire again in her life.
She shuffled to the bathroom and put on her clothes. “Time to wake up Queen C for another day at Sunnyhell High,” she told herself and then screamed in frustration. “Would it kill the vampire to invest in a damn mirror? I mean god, at least be courteous to your houseguests!”
She picked up her backpack and keys, making certain that she slammed the door behind her. He can’t hear you slam the door stupid, he’s somewhere getting all cozy with Buffy! She cringed at the thought of the petite blonde. Could she really face her this morning?
***
Cordy had succeeded in avoiding the library and the entire Scooby gang until after last period. As she tried to make her escape, Xander grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into the depths of hell, otherwise known as the school library.
“Xander Harris, get your grubby little paws off of me!”
“Chill Cordy, we have a surprise for you.”
“Cordelia, good, you’re here,” Giles smiled as she was pulled through the double doors.
“What’s going on? I have one of those things known as a life. You guys wouldn’t know anything about that,” she insulted and looked away when her eyes met Angel’s.
“We just wanted to show our appreciation for you Cordy,” Willow began. “Angel told us everything and we just wanted you to know—“
“He WHAT?!” Cordelia glared at Angel angrily. How could he betray here that way?
“He told us how you convinced him to go back to the mansion. It was a great idea. When he got there, he remembered everything! And it’s all thanks to you!” Buffy exclaimed excitedly.
“Yippee. Score one for the home team,” Cordy answered sarcastically and turned away from the group, walking back out into the hallway.
“She didn’t seem very happy about the appreciation party,” Willow observed.
“Oh well, bring on the food!” Xander attacked the bowl of chips without mercy.
“She’s…had a lot on her mind,” Angel told the others and stared at the doors. He felt like he should go after her, but he knew that she probably never wanted to see him again. “I played her and now she hates me. I can’t really blame her though,” he muttered to himself.
“What?” Buffy asked with a smile.
“Oh, nothing,” he answered with a forced smile of his own.
***
Cordelia opened the apartment door and threw the keys across the room. They appreciated her? She couldn’t give a damn about their appreciation. She wanted her life back. Could they give her that out of appreciation? She wanted Angel back. There was no way in hell Buffy appreciated her that much.
She walked to the bathroom, dropping her clothes as she walked. She needed a shower. She needed to wash away any lingering thoughts about Angel.
***
As Angel sat beside the fireplace, his thoughts continually drifted to the beautiful, dark-haired girl that had lit up his dark life. He knew he should be thinking about Buffy, but the other seemed to haunt him. He could still taste her and her scent seemed to linger everywhere around him. He had to stop feeling this way, the guilt that overpowered him. There was only one way to get Cordelia Chase’s haunting presence out of his mind…
***
Cordy had decided after fifteen minutes that the shower just wasn’t doing it. She’d decided on a bath, and that’s where she’d been for two hours, occasionally re-heating the bath water. She let herself sink into the sweet smelling bubbles and willed her tears away, but as usual, they didn’t listen.
The salty liquid streamed down her face of their own accord. She had lost her entire life as she knew it, and when it seemed that something was going right again, he had to go and get his memory back. What was worse was that it was her that had sent him to the place that had triggered his memories
”When he got there, he remembered everything! And it’s all thanks to you!”
“Great job Cordelia. Drive Angel right back into Buffy’s arms.” She let herself sink further into the bubbles and tried to block out life as she knew it, but something caught her attention. She heard a knock at the bathroom door and then saw something slide underneath it. She stood up and grabbed her towel, wrapping it loosely around her dripping body, and she walked to the door. She stood over the small white envelope for a moment, staring at it, contemplating whether she really wanted to open it or not. She reached down with wet finger and picked it up. She carefully removed the card from its home and looked at it. In beautiful handwriting it told her to open the door.
She hesitated for a moment and then obeyed the carefully penned command. Upon opening the door, she was shocked by what greeted her. There, in what used to be a sparsely decorated living room was a beautiful Victorian sofa and matching period accompanying furniture. On top of an ornately carved table was another envelope.
“Go to the kitchen.”
Cordy again obeyed, and as she walked into the kitchen, she saw the table set for two in the finest china and crystal, two tall candles in the center of the table, held in pewter holders. Propped up against one of the fragile looking glasses was yet another envelope.
“Go to the bedroom.”
Cordelia gasped as she entered the bedroom. Where Angel’s bed had once been was another. It was a beautiful, cherry colored, four-poster bed. It had lush velvet covers that kept the deep red, satin sheets warm and waiting for her. On top of the matching nightstand was a beaded lamp that cast a warm, inviting glow throughout the room. She looked over to see the vanity in the corner and sat herself in front of it.
Resting on the vanity was an antique hairbrush made out of the finest silver, with a matching comb, hand mirror, and platter to place them all on. She picked up the brush and felt the soft bristles and fingered the delicate flowers on the back. In front of the mirror was a small box and another envelope.
“Open the box.”
Inside the blue velvet box was a necklace made up of diamonds and sapphires. It sparkled like nothing Cordelia had ever seen before. “Oh…” she gasped, her fingers trembling at the sight of the jewels.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” she heard him say from behind her but she didn’t dare turn around. She was afraid that she might wake up from this wonderful dream. “Everywhere I turned, you were there, in the moon, in the stars. I looked at this necklace and was reminded the way that your eyes sparkled when you looked at me.” He took the necklace from her trembling hands and placed it around her neck. She watched in the mirror as it seemingly floated of its own will around her neck. He moved her sopping hair to give her a better view and kissed her neck lightly. “Memories are fragile Cordelia, but I never want to forget what we had…and what I hope we might have.”
Cordy turned in her seat and looked at him. “Am I dead?”
“No, why?”
“Because this would only happen in heaven.”
“Then welcome to heaven Cordelia Chase. I’ll make every day heaven for you if you’d give me the chance.”
“What about…you know who?”
“I told her how I felt…that I love her, but it’s you that I’m in love with. You made me feel things in a couple days that Buffy didn’t make me feel in three years. I love you Cordy.” He tucked a wet strand behind her ear and looked at her questioningly.
“I…I love you too Angel.” She let him kiss her, opening herself up to his embrace. He picked her up and carried her to the new bed. She felt the velvet caress her skin much in the same way that he did. He unwrapped the damp towel, exposing her to his passionate gaze. He kissed her sweetly scented skin, inhaling her scent deeply before kissing his way down her neck. He brushed his lips against her nipple, causing it to harden instantly. She squirmed beneath him in anticipation and then in sorrow.
“We can’t Angel. The curse thingy.”
“All taken care of.” He pulled a small bottle out of his pocket. “Mystical contraceptive. Perfect happiness doesn’t have to equal evil Angelus.”
Cordelia grinned mischievously and grabbed the back of his head, pulling him forcefully to her. She kissed him as passionately as he had her and then gripped the bottom of his shirt, pulling it quickly over his head. The solid, white chest in front of her, seemingly made of marble, enthralled her. It was cold and hard to the touch, yet also warm and giving. She traced her finger along the lines of his muscles and smiled at the sensation in caused in him. He shivered and growled and then smirked as she fumbled with his pants. He sat up, separating himself from her long enough to remove the remainder of his clothing and then rested himself back on top of her.
She could feel his hardness pressing into her thigh, asking her permission to make all her dreams come true. She slowly, shyly spread her legs, inviting him in to herself, knowing full well that now Angel was going to know something else about Queen C that no one else did.
As Angel slid inside, he felt the hotness penetrate through his cold skin, and he felt the tightness. He looked into Cordelia’s eyes and knew instantly that she was giving him something she had given no one else. He gently moved deeper into her, being careful not to hurt her and she gasped at the sensation of him filling her. He felt her fingernails dig into his back, drawing beads of blood as he rocked softly, working his way until he couldn’t go any further. He kissed her soft lips, reassuring her that everything would be okay, he would take care of her forever.
Cordy moaned as Angel moved in and out of her in a steady, slow rhythm. Her head rolled to the side and she saw how he had carefully placed the candles around the room. He had wanted to make things perfect for her, and he had succeeded. Coherent thought was becoming increasingly more difficult as Angel picked up his momentum. Cordy matched his movements and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight to her.
“Let me show you the stars,” he whispered as he felt her moving closer and closer to orgasm. “Be with me.”
“I am. I’m with you,” she gasped as her body began to quiver and shudder uncontrollably.
Angel felt her inner muscles begin to tighten around him and he picked up his pace. He took her mouth in his as he felt her legs shake and then watched as her eyes rolled back and a scream escaped her lips.
Cordy had never felt anything so amazing. She felt as if her life were ending, like she was slipping away from herself and the only thing holding her safely were Angel’s arms, which were holding her tightly as he continued to move inside her slick, silken channel. As her eyes involuntarily closed, she saw the stars burst behind them, blinding but entrancing her. And then it passed and she floated back into her body, back into Angel’s strong, loving embrace.
As she opened her eyes and brought his mouth back to hers, Angel felt his own climax approach. He began pumping at a furious pace before he let out a growl from deep within his throat, his eyes flashing yellow.
He collapsed on her small, heaving chest and brushed her still damp hair from her face. He rolled them so that she was now on top of him, her fiery skin resting on his cool body and he ran his hands along her bare back.
“I saw them Angel. I saw the stars.”
“Those were only the beginning, Princess.”
Part 5: Yourself or Someone Like You
Cordy woke up and looked around at all of her new belongings. She was still lying in the elegant cherry bed and the vanity with all of its polished silver items still sat in the corner. She stretched her arms across the silky bedding and felt her hand brush against something cold. She turned to see Angel was also still there.
“Good morning,” he smiled warmly as their eyes met.
“Okay, now I know I’m either dead or dreaming!”
Angel propped himself on his elbow and looked at her quizzically. “Why do you have such a hard time accepting happiness? If something makes you happy, embrace it.”
“Oh, you’re one to talk, he who is in chronic brood mode. Share the broodiness Baby,” she answered sarcastically and climbed out of the oversized bed.
“This isn’t about me. That’s totally different.” He watched as she wrapped the crimson silk robe he had bought her around her perfect body and then sat at the vanity.
She played with her hair, brushing it, piling it on top of her head then letting it tumble past her shoulders once again. “Do you think they would even notice if I cut my hair off?”
“Would who notice?”
“Any of them.” She stared at the face looking back at her, a face that she hardly recognized. She had worn the mask of Queen C for so long that the real her was disappearing. The real Cordelia Chase was worn and tired and fading away. “I’ve never had a friend.”
“That’s not true. What about Buffy and Xander…okay, bad examples given the current situation, but there’s Harmony, and the other girls you hang out with?”
“Please! Those ditzes don’t know anything about me unless it involves what I shop for! As for the Zoo Crew? I know they can barely tolerate my presence. My ex-so-called boyfriend was always too busy fussing over Buffy and Willow to care about me. But you know why I stick around? Because they’re the closest things I’ve ever had to real friends. And it beats being alone.”
Angel walked up behind her and wrapped his strong arms around her tenderly. “You’ll never be alone Cordy. I won’t let you be alone.”
She looked in the mirror and wished that she could stay there forever, in his arms and away from everything that gave her grief. She didn’t want to go back out in the big bad world when she was here in Angel’s safe, loving embrace. Unfortunately, she knew that time didn’t stop just because she wanted it too, oh how she knew that.
“We should go see if they need our help,” she finally sighed, sagging in the seat. He lifted her up from behind and stood her in front of him, forcing her form to be straight and held high.
“Don’t do that Cordy.”
“Do what?”
“Don’t give up. Don’t be what they expect you to be just because they expect it. Be you. Be the Cordy that opened up to me in the back of her car. Be the Cordy that was willing to move on because she thought it was for the best. Be the Cordy that I made love to last night. Be the real Cordy, because I promise you, that’ll shock them more than anything that Queen C could dish out.”
She couldn’t help but smile. “So, is this my pep-talk?”
“Depends, did it work?”
“Damn straight it worked! Watch out world! Here comes Cordelia Chase!”
***
“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Angel asked her as they paused outside of the library doors.
“I’d be lying if I said yes. She’s so gonna kick my ass from here to eternity.”
“I won’t let her,” he promised her, but it did little to ease her fear. He couldn’t be with her every minute of every day. He couldn’t escort her around school until graduation. She’d have to deal with Buffy sooner or later. She’d rather it be sooner. That way maybe she’d be healed enough to actually attend graduation.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Buffy sneered as the two of them walked in. She saw that Angel’s hand rested on the small of her back and he was making no moves to hide it.
“We came to help. Ascension, remember?”
“We don’t need your help.”
“So you can read Latin and all those other dead languages? Because last time I checked, Angel was the only one present that could. Unless you’ve developed…what?” she trailed off as she felt Angel grip her back tighter.
“Don’t give her the satisfaction of riling you up,” he whispered in her ear and she sighed heavily.
“Fine. Buffy, it would be in all of our best interest to have all of us working on this. Every pair of eyes is an asset to the group, no matter what’s happened between us. We need to put our issues away until we stop the Mayor.”
“Oh, that’s pretty big coming from Daddy’s Little Rich Bitch. I can’t believe you have the nerve to come in here and try to act all superior after what you did to me!”
“I’m not trying to act superior. I’m just trying to help with-“
“Don’t help Cordelia. We don’t need your help. What good could you do anyways? The only things you’re good at are being a bitch and stealing peoples boyfriends.”
The tears began to sting at her eyes. Damn Angel for convincing me to try and be myself with them. Look at all them. They don’t give a damn. They’re just sitting there, letting Buffy say all these rotten things to me. Sure, Angel’s with me, but how is that any different than what Willow did to me? Why does she get all forgiven and I’m getting verbally bitch slapped? “You know what Buffy, screw you. I came here to help, but obviously you’re too immature and petty to move past yourself and look at the bigger picture. The world’s gonna end and all you can think about is the fact that your supposed boyfriend chose me? Well, last time I checked, your name wasn’t tattooed on his ass. Aren’t you two supposed to be ‘cooling it’? But you know what? I don’t need this shit, and I don’t need you, any of you. If you’re that hung up on Angel then go ahead, take him…if he’ll have you. I’m going home to pray that you get off your self-pity trip and someone lights a fire under your lazy ass so that graduation doesn’t turn into a giant buffet table for the Mayor.” She threw Angel’s arm off of her and threw open the doors, almost knocking Giles to the floor. “Good evening Giles,” she said curtly and then began running to her car, tears streaming down her face.
Angel turned and looked at Buffy with an angry look. “How could you do that to her?”
“Do what to her? She’s the one who stole you away and then came here to throw it in my face!”
“She didn’t steal me away Buffy. You can’t steal someone who doesn’t belong to someone else. I didn’t belong to you Buffy. We weren’t together anymore. And she didn’t come here to throw it in your face, she didn’t even want to come here at all. She only came because we thought you could use help, but I guess she was right, you’re too hung up on yourself to care about anything else.”
“Why don’t you stay out of it Deadboy. Haven’t you done enough damage around here?”
“Shut up Harris, before I shut you up. Don’t even let me start on you.”
“You got a bone to pick with me?”
“I’ll do more than pick your bones,” he snarled at the boy and then turned his attention back to the people he once thought of as almost friends. “None of you ever gave her a chance. You had already judged her before she had even had a chance to prove herself. Not one of you knows who Cordelia Chase really is because you were all too busy with yourselves to let someone else in.”
“We know who she is. She is a self-centered, weak, cold-hearted bitch.”
“No Buffy, that’s what you are.”
Buffy stared at him in pure shock. “Excuse me?”
“There is no excuse Buffy. You’re all either self-centered, or Buffy-centered. You’re all weak, if not physically, then morally. And every one of you is cold-hearted. If one, just one of you had taken the time to get to know Cordelia, maybe she would have been comfortable coming to you when she needed help. Maybe then she wouldn’t have had to resort to sleeping in her car. Maybe she would have had someone to come to when her parents ditched her without a home or any money. You all need to grow up and realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you, but it will end if you don’t.”
The scoobies stared in stunned silence as the vampire turned and stalked out of the library. Giles looked at the group and raised his hand slightly. “Can anyone please enlighten me as to what that was all about?”
Part 6: Stranger
Cordelia knew he came back to the apartment sometime right before dawn, but she didn’t talk to him. She was upset. She didn’t know why he’d come back in the first place because she’d let him off the hook. She’d given him the choice to go back to Buffy and their teen-angst drama relationship…with the exception of him not being a teen. She turned and looked at his sleeping form and tried to suppress her smile. There he was with his careless hair and perfectly chiseled features lying in the bed next to her.
She shook her head and crawled out of the oversized bed, wrapped his robe around herself and walked into the kitchen.
***
“Are you sure this is a good idea?”
“Of course it is. When Angel didn’t have his memory, he lost sense of who he loved, right?”
“Yeah…”
“If we make Cordelia lose hers, just the stealing Angel part, he’ll come back.”
“Well, it works in logic.”
***
Angel snapped awake at the sound of Cordelia’s screaming. “Cordelia?!” He ran into the living room and as she came into view, the confusion settled on his face. What is so frightening about the refrigerator?
Cordelia turned to the sound of a man’s voice and screamed again. He was standing in the adjoining living room, stark naked. She picked up the closest knife and held in front of herself defensively. “S-stay away!”
“Cordelia,” he started softly and took a couple steps forward.
She raised the knife in warning and looked nervously around the room. “What’s going on? Where am I and who the hell are you?!”
“Cordelia, it’s me, Angel. You’re in my-your apartment.”
“This isn’t my home. I live in a big house with my own bed and without a crazy, naked guy running around. And I don’t know anybody by the name of Angel. So you’d better start talking or I start filleting!”
“You don’t remember last night?” Angel asked, grabbing a throw pillow and holding it in front of himself to try and make her more at ease.
“If anything happened last night, Creep-o, then you must’ve drugged me because I DO NOT go home with strange men!”
Angel quickly realized he was getting nowhere fast and he backed toward the bedroom. “Okay. Cordelia, I’m going to go get dressed and then I’ll leave so that you can get dressed and go to school or whatever.”
“Not so fast Buddy!” she yelled out, causing him to freeze in mid-step. “T-there’s blood in your refrigerator! You think I’m going to just let you waltz away after you’ve made me a human blood bank?!”
“Cordelia, that’s not your blood,” he tried to explain quietly.
“Oh my God! There were others before me?! How many?! How long before that would have been my blood?!” she screamed frantically.
“Cordelia, listen to me. It’s not human blood. It’s just pig’s blood.”
“Just pig’s blood?! Pfft. You expect me to believe that? I’ve lived in SunnyHell my whole life, and if I know anything it’s that that is not ‘just pig’s blood’ and you’re a vampire!”
“Well, you’re half right,” Angel told her quietly.
“Ha! I knew it! It isn’t pig’s blood!” she pointed at him smugly.
“No, that’s the part you had wrong.”
“Oh. So that means…” She began screaming at the top of her lungs.
“Cordelia, please stop screaming like that.” He walked into the bedroom and came out seconds later with a pair of pants on and a shirt in his hand. “Okay, I’m going to leave so you can do whatever makes you the most comfortable. I’ll be at the mansion.”
***
“Oh, it was terrible! And he was naked, which was definitely not terrible visual-wise, but he had blood in his refrigerator!” Cordelia rambled at the group that sat across from her in the library. “And then I went home and my keys didn’t work in the lock! What the hell is going on?! You know, my life was great until I started hanging out with you losers!”
“Oh, but Cordy, how would our days be complete without your bitchy insight on life?”
“Shut up Harris,” she glared at him and then gave him a quick wink. “We aren’t talking about you here; we’re talking about me and the disaster my life has been turned into!”
“Umm…Cordelia, there are some things about Angel-“ Willow began.
“Psycho, naked vampire that keeps blood in his refrigerator as a mid-noon snack?”
“Uh, yeah…”
“Okay, just making sure we were talking about the same person…er…vampire.”
“Yeah, there are some things about Angel you really need to know.”
“Like what?” Cordelia sat and waited for Willow to explain what she supposedly needed to know, all the while running her foot up the inside of her boyfriend Xander’s leg.
Part 7: Of Non-Memories and Cats
“You’re kidding me right? I mean, you actually let that…that…thing help you?! That’s just perverse and disturbing and…have you all forgotten that this is the thing that we fight?! Well, you fight, I bait, but still!! Ew!!”
“Cordy, there’s a lot that-“ Xander started and then turned to the group. “Wait a minute, Cordy’s thinking like me on the whole Angel thing…Why doesn’t Cordy remember?”
“Umm…long story. Can’t get into that now,” Buffy answered but couldn’t keep the smile off her face. She was sure to get her Angel back now.
And Cordelia thought that she was still Xander’s girlfriend, so that was a plus too. Now she’d keep her mitts off Angel. “Cordelia, Angel works with us and that’s that. You’ll just have to avoid him or something.”
“I am in no way, shape or form going to be seen associating with a vampire! It’s bad enough that I ruined my reputation for the likes of you people, but a vampire? Now that’s just crossing the line!” She crossed her arms and glared at the closest things she had to friends.
“Why is it crossing the line?”
“Ahhh!!” Cordelia screamed and hid behind Giles. “Psycho-kidnapping-naked-or-not-so-naked-blood-drinking-vamp!!”
“I didn’t kidnap you Cordelia,” Angel tried to reason with her, but it wasn’t helping. She just hid behind Giles and shot him dirty glances. “Do any of you know what happened? Why doesn’t she remember me all of a sudden?” He looked pointedly at Willow, causing the young redhead to blush and look away.
“Not a clue Angel,” Buffy intercepted his glance and smiled. “We have more important things to deal with, like the Ascension.”
“I don’t think this is something you can just sweep under the rug Buffy,” Angel growled lowly, clearly unhappy with his ex-girlfriend. “You’re messing with people’s memories. Doesn’t that even strike you as wrong?”
“What do you mean, messing with people’s memories?” Cordelia asked, venturing out from behind Giles. “If someone’s been messing with my memories, I wanna know now…and I wanna know what I don’t remember so I can remember because I wanna remember why I was in Mr. Hottie-killer-guy’s apartment.”
“What is this about playing with people’s memories?” Giles asked suddenly, not liking the idea of this conversation.
“Can we talk about the Ascension for now?” Buffy asked nervously and picked up a large, dusty book.
***
“I wonder if you can un-invite a vampire from him own apartment,” Cordelia grumbled as she looked through the cupboards. He had generously filled them with food for her and removed the blood from the refrigerator. “Kinda sweet, for an evil, blood-drinking, psychopath.”
She wasn’t sure why she felt at home in Angel’s apartment, but at that point, she didn’t care. She didn’t have a home to go to, because, apparently in the time gap of what she didn’t remember, her parents up and ditched her.
And then those freaks had teamed up with a freak of nature himself, albeit a majorly hot one, the thing that Buffy was suppose to be slaying. “That’s just wrong,” she muttered as she grabbed a soda and her microwave popcorn and sat in front of the television.
Cordelia quickly realized that she couldn’t concentrate on her favorite shows; she was too interested in her new surroundings. He said he had bought all of this for her, that he had fallen in love with her when he himself had lost his memory. “Yeah, right, just a ploy to get me in bed,” she said to herself as she found herself standing in front of the bed. It was beautiful. It was more beautiful than anything she had ever possessed before in her life. Everything in the apartment was.
“Maybe…no! No, he’s an evil monster. I will not fall prey to his little games. If Buffy wants to, that’s her damage.” She sat in front of the vanity and fingered the silver brush lightly. He had looked so pained and lost that she didn’t know who he was. They had all seemed surprised that she didn’t know him, but he was devastated.
How could she be with him? Last time she remembered, her and Xander were moonlighting in the janitor’s closet and in the stacks in the library. Now this vampire was trying to tell her that she was with him? “Have I entered the twilight zone here?” she whispered, looking at the bed’s reflection in the mirror. She could almost imagine not seeing him lying there until turning. Involuntarily, she looked back at the empty bed and sighed. Why was this bothering her? She shouldn’t care. He was an evil, soulless…okay, not soulless, but still, an evil, bloodsucking thing. “Keep telling yourself that Chase.”
***
“What the hell were you thinking?!” Angel yelled at the two girls angrily. “You can’t just go around and screw with people’s memories! Do you know what you could have done?!”
“I was thinking about us Angel,” Buffy responded almost as angrily.
“There is no us Buffy. The ‘us’ is gone and you killed any chance of it coming back with this little stunt.” He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. “You could have put Cordelia in serious danger.”
“How?” she asked, completely uninterested in his answer.
“There are creatures out there that would take advantage of the fact that she doesn’t remember so much.”
“What? Like her?”
“She didn’t take advantage of my memory loss Buffy. I started things with her. She didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Well, she could have stopped things before they went as far as they did,” Buffy told him with a look of hurt on her face.
“She did Buffy. I wanted to…we didn’t do anything until after you and I had our talk. She stopped it because she knew it was wrong if I didn’t remember who she was, or who you were,” Angel explained to her quietly.
“You mean you…how? When you and I…you had the big evil going on! Why was she different?” She then laughed bitterly. “See, you can’t be happy with Cordelia. Not perfectly happy. That’s why you chose her, isn’t it? So you wouldn’t release Angelus again.”
“No Buffy, I went to see someone. There’s a potion I can take-“
“And you couldn’t take it with me?”
“I only just found out about it a couple of days ago Buffy. This has nothing to do with what we had.” He turned away from Buffy’s pained expression and looked at Willow. “Can you reverse it?”
“I-I looked, but I can’t find anything.” Willow averted her eyes from his dark ones and picked up her chemistry book, hiding behind it. She didn’t want to be at his wrath, but she had told him the truth. What more could she do?
“I need to go talk to her.”
“What makes you think this time will be any different than the other twenty times?” Buffy snapped.
“I have to try.”
***
Cordelia stood in the middle of the living room, holding the stake tightly to her chest. “Okay, nothing there. Just the cat or something. Did Angel leave a cat behind? Did Angel even have a cat? Did his cat drink blood because there’s nothing here that signals toward a cat?”
“Cordelia?”
She screamed at the top of her lungs and spun around, holding the stake at ready when she saw him. “Get out! I swear, I’ll shove this stake so far through you, you won’t have time to watch your unlife flash before your eyes!”
“Cordelia, please. I won’t hurt you.”
“GO! Leave me alone! You’re an evil, dead thing and I want you out of my home!” She began stalking towards him determinedly.
“Cor-“
She lunged at him, causing him to take a step back into the hallway, leaving her staring at him with hazel eyes that flashed with confusion and rage at what had been told to her. “I’m sorry Cordelia. I want to try to help you remember, but if you’re not ready, I won’t push you. I’ll be at the mansion,” he repeated his earlier comment to her.
Cordelia watched him walked down the hallway and stuck her head out the door. “Angel?” He turned to her hopefully and she frowned. “I don’t suppose you had a cat, did you?”
Part 8: Reclaimed Memories and Their Nagging Little Gifts
“You’re joking right? I mean, seriously.” Cordelia grabbed Spike by the collar of his duster. “Tell me you’re joking.”
“Not joking Cheerleader. You an’ Peaches got down an’ dirty recently. I can still smell him on you,” the vampire grinned.
“That’s just gross! Ew!!”
“Okay, now that we’ve established that Cordelia sleeping with Angel is grotesque, can we get to the part where you tell me where my friends are?” Buffy asked, pulling Spike out of Cordelia’s grasp.
“Oh, at that old abandoned factory,” Spike answered nonchalantly.
“Why haven’t I killed you?” the Slayer hissed as she through Spike across the room and stormed out.
“Is the idea of us really that revolting?” Angel asked when he pulled Cordelia aside, hanging back from the rest of the group.
“Do I have to remind you that you are a vam-pi-re?”
“No.”
“Okay then,” Cordelia answered simply and walked ahead of him.
Angel gaped at her, thoroughly confused by her logic. He shook his head and followed the young woman that had never ceased to confuse or amaze him. He caught up easily and touched her arm lightly. “Cordelia, I know you don’t remember what we had, but if you would just give me a chance, I know I could prove it to you.”
“Okay, who said I wanted you to prove anything to me? I have a boyfriend. You know, the boy that we’re going to save right now. Remember him?”
“Cordelia, he’s not your boyfriend anymore. You two broke up. You’re not with him. You’re with me. I gave you my apartment. We slept there a few nights together. I bought you all of those things to prove to you that it is you that I love, not Buffy.”
“Ew! Did you just say that you had a thing for Buffy? Now you’ve completely lost all credibility with me buddy. No way I’m going near anything that she’s been around. How do I know that she hasn’t ‘slayed’ anything on you?”
Angel followed her gaze down to the front of his pants and then looked up at her accusingly. “Nothing has been slayed Cordelia, and if you remembered, you’d certainly be able to attest to that.”
“Hello, metaphorically speaking here vamp-guy. Maybe it’s not the curse that makes you all fighting the good fight. Maybe Buffy’s figured out a new way to slay vampires without the inevitable dry cleaning bill! Oooh! Much better for the health of my wardrobe!”
“What happened between me and Buffy is over. I want to concentrate on us-“
“There is no us. You vampire. Me, most popular girl in Sunnydale High. No us.” She jogged quickly to catch up with the gang and to get away from her own personal vampire stalker.
***
Cordelia stood in the doorway, the tears stinging at her eyes. She could believe the scene that had been laid out before her. She stood and watched as her boyfriend kissed the one girl she never once saw as a threat to her.
She thought she heard on of them calling after her as she ran, and she was certain she heard Angel’s voice, but she didn’t stop. She couldn’t stop. She had to get as far away as she could from the boy she thought she loved and the redhead she had almost considered a friend. She had to run from the image burned into her mind and into her heart. She had to run from her tears and her pain. She had to run for them memories that were starting to sneak into her brain.
Her head was spinning at such a rate, she hardly noticed the stairs fall out from beneath her feet. She fell and landed painfully, feeling something sharp drive through her abdomen upon hitting the ground. She gasped in pain, unable to move, barely able to think. She vaguely heard voices calling to her, but everything was becoming so dark and so cold.
***
Angel sat beside her bed, holding her hand firmly as he had for weeks, months. “Cordelia, please wake up. We need you. I need you. And I love you. I know I should have said that long ago, before things went so wrong. I’m sorry Cor, I’m so so sorry. I promise, I’ll never leave you again. I’ll never give up on you.” He kissed her pale lips and smoothed her short dark hair.
Cordelia’s eyes snapped open and a hand flew to her head where she felt her signature long locks. “Okay, that was the scariest dream ever, not to mention the piercing migraine if left behind.” The dream had been so rapid, it had left her mind in tatters.
She slowly became aware of the searing pain in her abdomen and the memory of what had happened came back to her. “Nevermind. This is way scarier than any nightmare,” she whispered with a flinch.
“Hey Cordy,” she heard a voice greet softly.
“Go away Xander.” She felt something placed beside her on the bed but she didn’t look. Instead, she rolled painfully away from the door and broke down in tears. Everytime she closed her eyes, she saw something different. Sometimes it was some demon doing something unspeakable to a person, sometimes it was of a strange place, that even more strangely, felt like home, and sometimes it was something unspeakable seeming done by her own hands.
Cordelia was lost and confused and felt more alone than she ever had before. She needed the one person she knew she could always count on. She needed her Champion. She needed Angel.
Part 9: A Melding of Realities
Angel walked into Cordelia’s room, expecting to find her unconscious like every other night he had come to see her, but tonight was different. Tonight he was greeted the sight of the young woman, strapped to the bed and thrashing violently.
“Cordelia?!”
A couple of nurses pushed past him and went to her side, trying to hold her down. “Poor thing, her sedative wore off again, didn’t it?”
“Sedative?” Angel choked.
“Looks that way,” the second nurse answered, ignoring Angel. “They just don’t seem to have any lasting power with her.”
“What the hell is wrong with her?!” Angel yelled, finally getting the nurses’ attention.
“Sir, you should wait outside,” one woman said as she fought to hold Cordelia’s arm still so her partner could administer another dose of the sedative.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said firmly and helped to keep Cordelia still. “What happened? Last night she was still unconscious.”
“She woke up today and seemed relatively fine, aside from the pain and she complained of a bad headache. Then, out of the blue, she began screaming and shaking. It progressively became worse throughout the day, so we’ve had to keep her sedated.”
“What’s causing it?”
“That’s what’s a mystery to us. It hit her suddenly, and no tests have concluded why it’s happening.”
Angel watched as the drug began to take effect and her thrashing slowed before she was merely laying on the bed, eyes open and full of pain, small whimpers coming from her mouth. He touched her face tenderly, tucking her sweat-drenched hair behind her ear. “Cordy, can you hear me?”
“We’ll leave you alone now. Just press the call button if you need anything,” one of the nurses told him gently and then they left the room.
“Cordy, I’m going to find out what’s wrong with you, I promise. I’ll get you back.” He kissed her forehead lightly and closed his eyes. When he looked into hers again, they were unchanged. They were distant and full of agony, horror and pain. “I wish you could tell me what’s scaring you so badly. I wish I knew how to make it better for you. But I will. I figure out a way to make it go away.”
***
Angel burst through the library doors. “Giles!” he roared loudly, causing everyone to jump.
“Angel, what is it?” the librarian asked, taking off his glasses and looking at the vampire warily. The last time he had seen Angel act like this, he had lost his soul.
“Something’s wrong with Cordelia. You need to fix it.” There was an amount of desperation in his voice that Giles couldn’t ignore.
“What has happened?”
“That’s just it, I don’t know. When I went to visit her tonight, she was shaking and screaming. She didn’t even know I was there. They’ve got her sedated, but…Giles, you should see her eyes. It’s like she’s seeing the most horrible image and can’t look away.”
“Do we know what caused it?”
“If I knew that, don’t you think I’d be putting an end to it?!” Angel yelled in frustration.
“Of course, I didn’t mean…”
“Do you think it’s a spell?” Willow asked quietly from her place at the table.
“I don’t know!” Angel ran his hand violently through his hair and shook his head. “That’s why I came here. I was hoping that you’d all try and find a way to help her. I know that things haven’t been great and that you all don’t really get along, but-“
“Angel, we would help Cordelia, no matter the circumstances,” Giles told the vampire sympathetically and was backed up by a chorus of nods.
“It’s no secret that Cordy and I don’t like each other, but I’d never wish that on anyone Angel,” Buffy agreed quietly. “So, how do we figure out what’s wrong with Cordy?”
“I say we research. Maybe some field work,” Xander suggested, ready to grab his coat.
“Great idea. You guys stay here, research. Angel and I will go and see if there’s any word of what could be causing this. We’ll call if we hear anything.” Buffy looked at Xander’s disapproving expression and waved him off. “Not now Xander. We have too much work to do to deal with your ‘big brother worries’.”
“Buffy, I know this can’t be easy for you,” Angel started as they walked out of the school, but Buffy cut him off before he could go any farther.
“Angel, can we please just do the job at hand? I have no desire to get into a deep discussion about this. I want to figure out what is happening to Cordelia and then move on.”
Angel nodded silently and walked slightly behind her, scanning the darkness for anything malicious as the image of Cordelia, lying helpless, frightened and drugged flashed through his mind as it had been permanently etched into his brain.
***
Los Angeles, 2003
Fred picked up the picture from Angel’s desk and smiled at the woman holding a baby, the biggest, most blinding smile she had ever seen on the woman’s face. “She’s beautiful. Who is she?”
Angel took the picture and looked at it sadly. “Just a woman I once knew. The most beautiful, loving and wonderful woman.”
“And the baby?” Fred could see the pain in his eyes. The pain that she had seen since they had taken over Wolfram & Hart. All this time they had thought it was because of their new place of work, but now she had her doubts. She wondered if this mystery woman and baby had something to do with his torment.
“Her son,” he smiled sadly, a trace of bitterness in that and his voice.
“What happened to them?”
“Too much. Enough to destroy them both and I didn’t do anything to stop it.” He turned the picture over and placed it face down in his desk drawer. “I didn’t save them before the damage was done, and now they’re gone.”
“Are they…?”
“No. But they’re at peace. I set them free,” he answered cryptically and stood, walking from the room and leaving Fred in confusion.
The small Texan walked around the desk and opened it, pulling the picture from its hiding place. She stared at the woman, something about her seemingly familiar. It was like she was staring into the eyes of a long lost friend or sister. And the baby too. There was something familiar about them both, and Fred was determined to find out who they were and to take the pain and loneliness from Angel’s eyes once more.
***
Sunnydale 1999
Cordelia laid on her bed, the whimpers coming out louder as the images of herself killing a woman and hurting Angel in the worst way possible flashing through her mind. And then there was the image of Angel trying to set her free, trying to help her by removing the memory of what had happened, and her tears fell uncontrollably. He had wanted to do what was right, which meant removing her and Connor from all of their friends' memories, and their friends from theirs.
Those images alternated with images of vampires attacking innocent people and demons ripping people apart, all of which she could feel. She could feel their fear, their pain and their anguish. It was as if she was living it right along with them and she wanted to scream with them. She couldn’t though. She wanted to break free from the sight but she was held a prisoner of her own mind, forced to watch as the very things that she helped fight tortured, raped and killed, all while she experienced each and every one of them.
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