Title: A Case Study of the North American Manpire: An article by C. Chase
Author: Liam
Posted: 03-18-2003
Email:
Rating: PG-13
Category:
Content:
Summary:
Spoilers:
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution:
Notes: For those who have seen my profile, you may know that I study psychology here at my beloved university. This is a weird twist on all the papers I’ve been writing this year. It’s just a short little ditty about Cordelia writing an article for a demon psychology journal. Whoever said APA style writing is useless was full of shit.
Feedback:EXPERIMENTAL DEMON PSYCHOLOGY MONTHLY
VOLUME 51, ISSUE 3, PAGES 89-96
A Case Study of the North American Manpire:
A Commoners View Regarding Vampires With Souls
Cordelia Chase
What is a Manpire you might ask? Indeed, that is a very good question. It certainly isn’t a term found in Rosenfeld’s Demon Compendium. Nor will it be found in Munchausen’s Historia de Daemonica. Even a thorough search of the Internet database Demons, Demons, Demons will not reward you with an answer. So again you may ask, what exactly is a Manpire?
Truth be told, the term Manpire is of my own creation. After several years of working as a detective specializing in cases of a demonic nature, I have come to use the term to describe a certain breed of demon. As previously mentioned, Manpire does not appear in any official demonical texts, but I do believe it to be a valid and necessary word that should be added to common usage.
The term Manpire is one that I now use to describe a vampire inflicted with a soul. True enough, vampires with souls are a rarity. I only know of two myself, but that is beside the point.
For all you Latin freaks out there, we shall designate the Manpire with the scientific name Vampirus dorkus-domesticatus. This roughly translates to “Domesticated Dork Vampire”. This variety deviates from the normal vampire, Vampirus homicidalus, in several significant ways.
Firstly, as the name hopefully indicates, the Manpire is typically a non-homicidal species. While still capable of ‘vamping’ out, a Manpire typically refrains from violence directed towards humans. Instead, a Manpire will focus this aggressive energy battling malevolent demons (aka Nasties), and working up truckloads of built up sexual tension.
Manpires, unlike their homicidal cousins, are by and large useful creatures that can be employed for the forces of Good. But that isn’t to say Manpires are continually stalwart and true. Far from it. Manpires have a wide range of emotional states that can often cause confusion for those around them. This condition can sometimes lead to unfortunate instances such as the following:
MANPIRE
(Face blank, voice emotionless)
You’re all fired.
CORDELIA, WESLEY, and GUNN
(Stunned silent)
As you can see, Manpires can often be moody and highly volatile. Winifred Burkle believes this to be due to a condition that she calls ‘Soul Shock’. Burkle was gracious enough to explain her theory concerning this condition as follows:
Soul shock is in essence a vampiric form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The Manpire, after a prolonged period of sociopathic behavior, is traumatized by the sudden reinsertion of a conscience. Overwhelming feelings of guilt, anger, and resentment can cause the Manpire to suffer from a chronic state of anti-social behavior. This can cause difficulties in times when a Manpire must interact with humans. The maladjusted behavior from the Manpire can cause conflict when with other beings, particularly on the emotional level (2003, p. 12).
This maladjustment and volatile behavior is perhaps no more prevalent when dealing with a Slayer, Femalus likestofightalot, or when dealing with its Sire or Childe, Vampirus skankho and Vampirus notplayingwithafulldeck, respectively.
But is this to say that Manpires are hopeless when it comes to dealing with humans on an emotional level? By all means, no. With the proper training, Manpires are more than able to hold relatively stable and fulfilling relationships. As mentioned previously, the Manpire is a domesticated version of its nastier cousin. The following example was transcribed from a recently conducted interview and should provide further evidence (Summers, Personal Interview, 2003).
BUFFY
You know that you want to.
MANPIRE
The bloody hell I do! I don’t care what you offer, love,
there ain’t a bleedin’ way I’m gonna do it!
BUFFY
(Pouts, bottom lip quivers)
Please?
MANPIRE
(Sighs)
Oh, bloody hell.
(Sticks right arm on in an ‘S’ shape. Curls the left and touches his waist.)
I’m a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout.
Fascinating, wouldn’t you say? Most in the demonological field would scoff at the notion of a vampire being domesticated. Morton stated in his book The Nature of the Beast that demons such as vampires were emotionally incapable of domestication (1992, p. 121-22). But my studies have shown that it is actually possible for it to occur. Since hopefully I have now proven that certain vampires can be domesticated, let us further explore the meaning and connotations connected with the Manpire.
Since we have decided that the scientific name of the vampire translates to “Domesticated Dork Vampire”, we should understand what that phrase truly means.
We have already touched upon the domesticated variable. It has been shown that the Manpire is a non-homicidal vampire variant. And beyond occasionally bouts of broodiness and irrationality, Manpires are capable of connection on an emotional level. But what else is the Manpire able to do? The above case study demonstrated the ability of the Manpire to perform a simple task. But what would occur when the vampire is presented with a potentially irritable or high anxiety situation? An experiment was performed using a Manpire (Subject A), myself (Cordelia Chase, Control Variable), and Charles Gunn (Independent Variable).
Below are the details of the experiment. It is taken directly from notes transcribed by Wesley Wyndham-Pryce and Winifred Burkle (2003, p. 45-59).
MANPIRE EXPERIMENT #AB5183
Purpose: To test the Manpire’s ability to perform a task dictated to him by two persons of different comfort levels. The Manpire is asked to make a sandwich for the control and independent variable. The Manpire is known to have romantic interest in the control. He is merely platonic with the independent.
Hypothesis: The Manpire (Hereafter referred to as Subject A) should respond differently to the different variables. It is expected that Subject A will respond more favorably to the control.
Trial One: Transcript
Control Variable, Cordelia Chase
CORDELIA
Will you make me a sandwich?
SUBJECT A
Okay. What do you want on it?
CORDELIA
Can I have a BLT?
SUBJECT A
Sure. You like mayo on yours, don’t you?
CORDELIA
Yup. Can I have a Diet Coke with that?
SUBJECT A
Absolutely. Anything for my favorite Seer.
CORDELIA
Thank you, (name deleted)
END TRANSCRIPT
Trial Two: Transcript
Independent Variable, Charles Gunn
GUNN
Yo, vamp. Can you make me a sandwich?
SUBJECT A
Sure. Right after you go fuck yourself. Do I
look like a Goddamn waiter?
END TRANSCRIPT
Observations: Subject A was incredibly receptive to Cordelia. Warm and accommodating, Subject A demonstrated that a Manpire is indeed capable of positive human interaction. The response to Gunn, while not openly hostile, was obviously flippant and unreceptive. Subject A partook in the conversation only long enough to deliver a cutting remark.
Conclusion: This study would indicate our hypothesis to be correct. Subject A was far more receptive to the variable in which he had a closer and more intimate connection. While further research should be done, conclusions might be drawn that this is not and would not be an isolated occurrence.
The behavior demonstrated in the above experiment is not limited to sandwich making. The accommodating and caring behavior can be adapted to any given situation. But of course, like any domesticated animal, a Manpire must be coddled and loved when accomplishing a task. A loving scratch behind the ears, a gentle rubbing of the belly, or kind words will easily suffice. Such is the following example (Rosenberg, 2003, p. 18).
WILLOW
(Smiling kindly at Manpire)
Who’s a good vampire?
MANPIRE
(Smiles widely)
(Name deleted) is, love!
WILLOW
That’s a good vampire.
(Toss the Manpire a blood packet)
MANPIRE
Yer bloody right I am!
Moving on, we shall next examine the “Dork” section of the scientific naming of the Manpire. Because, most assuredly, when a vampire receives his soul it’s like flipping on a button for dork-mode.
The dork persona most often reveals itself when dealing with a young and beautiful woman. Dork behavior for the Manpire often consists of the following mannerisms: bad jokes, bizarre albeit attention gaining acts, shyness, clumsiness, and innumerable other out of the norm acts. Take for example the following interchange.
CORDELIA
(Name deleted), don’t lean so far back in you chair.
MANPIRE
Cor, I’ll be fine. So, uh, what are you doing tonight?
CORDELIA
Nothing special. Maybe watch a movie.
MANPIRE
Really? That’s great that, uh, you wanna watch movies.
I actually rented a couple in case, you know, uh, you wanted to
watch a movie.
CORDELIA
Did you? How sweet. What did you get?
MANPIRE
Uh, Sleepless in Seattle and Moulin Rouge.
CORDELIA
(Name deleted), you hate those movies.
MANPIRE
I don’t, uh, hate them. I like them, I really do.
Besides, I, uh, know you like them. The movies, I mean.
So I thought….Aw fuck!
CORDELIA
Did you just fall out of your chair?
MANPIRE
Um, no. Not really. Well, yeah, okay.
CORDELIA
You are such a dork. (Manpire pouts.) But I love
you anyway. (Manpire grins.)
As you see, Manpires are complex creatures. They are capable of showing the entire gamut of human emotion when compelled to. While they can often be irritable and irrational beings, a Manpire can also be quite loving and tender. And while I would suggest that everyone hurry out and get their own Manpire, they are, tragically, rare creatures. But if you should ever happen to encounter one, please, don’t be afraid. Love it like the beautiful and unique Manpire that it is.
REFERENCES
Burkle, W. (2003). Psychological disorders of vampires and other demons. Los Angeles: Netherworld Publishing.
Morton, D. (1992). The Nature of the beast. London: Watcher’s Press.
Rosenberg, W. (2003). A Study of a reformed vampire. Sunnydale: University of California-Sunnydale Press.
Summers, B. (2003). Personal Interview.
Wyndham-Pryce, W. & Burkle, W. (2003). Experiments with the undead. Los Angeles: Netherworld Publishing.
End.