Title: Road Trip, Interrupted
Author: Kettricken (Viv)
Posted: 05-03-2002
Email: pleung@pacific.net.au
Category: C/A Romance, hints of B/A Friendship and B/S Romance.
Spoliers: General Angel Season 2, Buffy Season 5.
Archive: Please contact me first! Mostly I'm going to agree.
Summary: Cordelia and Angel go on a vision free road trip - but a vision hits and they are forced to detour to Sunnydale.
Disclaimer: All characters on 'Angel' and 'Buffy: The Vampire Slayer" that appear in this story are owned soley and exclusively by Mutant Enemy, Twentieth Century and Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt, etc
Notes: Set about two months after Buffy's resurrection. This was written during the last hiatus season break, so the story pretty much takes place from Angel Season 2, Buffy Season 5 point onwards. Which means no Connor!
Part Four
"So ..." Xander began, after he had spoken to his foreman about taking the
morning off work. "What -?"
"Don't say it." Cordelia's tone took on a threatening edge. She fixed her
eyes firmly on the road in front of them, seemingly intent on avoiding all
conversation. Xander had witnessed these moods when they had been going out,
and he knew that if he valued his life he would keep his big mouth shut.
They drove for a few more moments before Cordelia broke the silence. "Don't
even think it."
"What?" Xander asked incredulously, before protesting, "I'm not!"
"Yes. You are." Cordelia replied, gritting her teeth.
The engine purred along as Xander drove them along the deserted road to
town. Finally he couldn't handle the deafening silence any longer. "So, I
can't even think things now?"
"No." Cordelia kept her face resolutely away.
"I don't buy it Cordy." He turned off the main road into a smaller street,
and Cordelia began to recognise familiar landmarks. Yep, she was definitely
back in Sunnyhell again, where she hadn't - and didn't - belong.
Sensing no reaction, he plunged on. "You and Angel - I mean, I'm not judging
or anything. No one's judging. People change; we've all changed. I mean, I'm
sure even dead boy -"
"Don't call him that." Cordelia's response was automatic. "He has a name -
use it." She continued ascerbicly, "Even if me and Angel were - like I
need yours or anyone else from Sunnyhell's permission to - It's no one's
business but ours, okay?"
"Okay ..." Xander was unnerved by the deadly defensiveness of her voice. "I
wasn't ... what I mean is that, things have changed, I'm sure even Angel's
changed -"
"Of course he has, dumb ass." She paused as they pulled onto the main
street, the familiarity of the stores stealing her attention for a moment.
"And you better believe it. He's nice now. He looks after everyone - me and
Wes and Gunn and Fred. We're family." She paused and said somewhat
mischievously, "Plus he's less boring, and way more spendy now which is, you
know, nice." Cordelia couldn't suppress a secret grin at the thought of the
bags and bags of clothes he had bought her a few months ago. More spendy was
definitely nice.
"Well ... " Xander's voice trailed off as he expertly pulled into a vacant
space, killing the engine. "I guess that's okay then. I just kinda had it in
my head that you and Angel - well, you guys didn't exactly get along ...
before. You know, we were kinda both in the 'Angel should die' club. It's a
shock to even think you guys -"
"Yeah well, people change. He saved my life a lot which kinda made me like
him again." A small smile crept on her face, one mirrored tentatively by
Xander as they proceeded down the street. "Plus he gave me a job when I
really needed one and always tries to cheer me up after one of my lame
auditions and - did I mention saving my life a few zillion times? 'Cause
that tends to make a guy grow on you, you know."
"Yeah I know what you mean - about how things change that is." She cocked an
eyebrow in curiosity. "Not with dead - er, Angel - saving my life a few
times. Even though he has and to tell the truth, I kinda don't really hate
the guy any more. You know, at least not in a 'he should die a painful,
horrible death' kinda way." He paused. "Life's too short."
Cordelia said with an exaggerated air, "Things have changed. It looks like
Xander Harris has grown up. I never thought I'd live long enough to see that
happen."
"Yeah you better believe it." Xander grinned at her, an expression so
familiar and boyish that she couldn't help grinning back. "I've got my own
place now - not living in my parent's basement any more which is - well,
you know how bad that place was. My foreman says I actually make a pretty
good carpenter so maybe I can start my own business some day. Plus you know,
me and Anya ... marrying an ex-demon here." He paused before adding quietly,
"Not one to be judgment boy any more."
Cordelia's hands went to her mouth in horror. "Oh God - I forgot Xander. I
mean I remember Willow mentioning it, but with all the badness - I was so
happy for you, and -" Her demeanour transformed into one of brilliant
warmth. Her steps stilled and her sincere hazel eyes met his puzzled dark
ones. "Congratulations."
"Thanks Cordy." He sounded pleased and genuinely surprised. He was once
again caught off guard by the rapid pace of Cordelia's change in emotion,
and wondered at how he had kept up with it before.
Shaking his head and smiling off serious thoughts of growing up and change,
he entered the Espresso Pump with Cordelia in tow, filling her in about all
things Sunnydale.
* * *
Cordelia giggled into her latte as Xander snorted cappuccino through his
nose, his expression one of disbelief. They had been filling each other in
on what they had been up to the last couple of years, sitting at a table on
the sidewalk as a comfortable breeze soothed the morning heat of the
Southern Californian sun.
"You bought him what?!" Xander asked incredulously, trying to keep from
spewing the rest of his coffee out of his mouth.
"Yeah." Cordelia mercilessly continued, giggling insanely. "It was just
after his apartment was blown up by this evil law firm - anyway I wanted to
cheer him up, and what better way to cheer someone up than by restocking
their depleted and depressing black on black wardrobe? I mean, I totally
appreciated the clothes he bought for me. How was I to know that he didn't
like Superman boxers? I mean they were silk - and they were on sale!" She
exclaimed before rolling on. "Then there was the time when we kinda got
drunk - well, he got drunk and I got way drunk - and he started singing
worse than usual." Cordelia chortled at the memory. "I mean really singing -
did you know Angel knows Mandy and Copacabana off by heart? I didn't. And
then he did Stairway to Heaven, and then all the numbers from Grease, and
then Memory - which nearly made me pass out what with all the high notes and
um, general notes that he wasn't hitting - and also the image of Angel
acting all Streisandy. And then -"
Xander finally exploded, spewing more quality caffeine out of his nostrils.
He grabbed his sides but couldn't stop peal after peal of laughter exploding
out of his shaking frame.
"Ew." Cordelia scrunched her nose in mock disgust as Xander wiped the tears
rolling out of his eyes. She tossed a tissue at him which hit him squarely
in the face. "You're so gross Xander."
"I'm the King of Cretins." He chirped, his voice wavering from barely
controlled laughter. It took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. "You
know CC, I don't think we've ever had this much fun together. I mean -"
"I know what you mean." She cut him off, suddenly quiet. Thinking of her
time with Xander and all the badness that had gone with it didn't really
hurt all that much any more, but she still didn't like being reminded of the
person she once was - the Queen C of Sunnydale High that no one really
liked, that no one really cared about. It was maybe one of the reasons why
she had been so unenthusiastic about returning to town.
"This is nice. I guess we ... we never were friends when we went out. And
maybe not after that either - at least, not until you bought me that dress
for the Prom. Which was really nice of you, by the way."
He smiled. "Speaking of the Prom - how's Wesley? How's he doing in L.A
anyway?"
Cordelia rolled her eyes at Xander's less than subtle reminder of her past
infatuation. "Huh. He's great. Would you believe he goes out on more dates
than I do?"
"No." Xander shook his head in mock disbelief, his dark eyes twinkling. "The
world is indeed an unfair place."
"Tell me about it." Cordelia smiled at him in semi-serious agreement. "I
mean in a fair world, I'd be beautiful, rich, famous and have a to-die-for
hottie hanging off my every word - buying me clothes and taking me on
shopping trips to Europe." She looked down at her frothing latte suddenly
and almost sighed. "And saving the helpless of course. Can't forget those
helpless."
"Hey." Xander's voice broke her contemplation of her latte. "You're still
beautiful CC. Okay, I've got to revise that and say you're still really
beautiful. And forgetting the rich and famous part - because I'm sure you'll
get there - from what Will says you're helping kick demon butt and saving
humanity which is always great. And on the upside, you're alive and healthy.
That's always of the good."
Cordelia smiled ruefully. "When did you learn to talk so well?"
"I am a man of many talents." He grinned cheekily at her.
She smiled in spite of herself. "And also a man of incredibly bad taste. Do
you still -" Cordelia suddenly grabbed her head, an intense pain ripping
through her brain and momentarily blinding her before dissipating as quickly
as it came. She blinked a few times as her mind cleared while Xander looked
on, concern welling in the pools of his eyes.
"Cordy, what's wrong? Is it a vision?"
"No." It was all Cordelia could rasp out for a second before taking a few
more breaths to calm herself. "If it was a vision I'd be on the floor,
crying out from the mind-numbing pain, frothing at the mouth and throwing up
inside my head." She gasped as another whisper of pain raced through her
brain. "Vision aftermath. Nothing to worry about."
Xander had been about to laugh at Cordelia's outrageous description of her
visions before he realised she hadn't been exaggerating - at all. He stared
at her in shock for a few moments until she grew annoyed by his intense
gaze.
"Quit staring at me Xander."
"Cordy." He swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. "When Will told me about you
getting visions, I thought ... I thought ..." He trailed off.
"You thought they were like flashes of bright light? Like extremely cool
'there's danger - look out' messages from the Powers That Be, with wide
screen and surround sound? Yeah sure." She looked at him with something akin
to tired suffering. "There's also the mind numbing pain, the constant
headaches, feeling the victims' pain as they're torn into by whatever demon
week after week, and oh - the mind numbing pain. Did I mention the mind
numbing pain?!"
Xander remained silent, rendered speechless by her impassioned revelation.
Cordelia grabbed her head again. "Sorry. It's not your fault. It's not
anyone's fault. It's just ... it hurts." She squeezed her eyes shut
momentarily before letting out a long, calming breath. "I'll be okay. I
think I just need to lie down for a while."
Xander immediately rose up and came around the table to gently guide her up.
"Come on CC, I'm driving you back to the mansion. You can lie down there."
Cordelia nodded mutely, her hand still pressed to her temple as Xander paid
the bill.
She felt slightly better as they stepped into the sunshine. "He takes care
of you ... Angel takes care of you?"
She nodded faintly, all her energy focused on walking back to Xander's car
without tripping and falling straight on her face. "He tries to. They all
try to ... in their own way." She sighed. "But ... Angel especially. I guess
he thinks it's his fault or something."
"Good." Uncharacteristic steel crept into Xander's voice as they rounded the
corner and got into his car. "I'm glad. I mean, I'm glad that he's there for
you. I'm glad he's there to take care of you."
"Me too." She smiled wanly as he drove her back to the mansion. She rolled
the windows down, enjoying the scenery speeding past them, the cool stinging
wind alleviating her distress somewhat.
Suddenly she snapped her head back. "Xander, can we stop off at the butcher
shop? I need to get some blood for Angel."
He looked startled for a minute before nodding. "Sure."
Cordelia took in Xander's profile for a moment as he concentrated on the
road. It had been good to catch up with him today. She realised that they
had lacked a certain closure to their relationship when she had so hurriedly
left Sunnydale two years ago and it was good to have an opportunity to close
things off. To start again as friends of some sort.
She smiled inwardly, before turning back to the window again. Maybe this
little PTB sponsored side trip to Sunnydale wasn't such a bad idea after
all.
Part Five
Cordelia stuck her head tentatively inside the mansion and peered cautiously
inside. The main living area was deserted, the battered couch and the coffee
table where Angel should have inevitably sat brooding after such an intense
session with Buffy was strangely abandoned. The hollow fireplace hunched in
stony quietness at the far side of the room, shrouded in a thick blanket of
shadows.
Cordelia breathed a sigh of relief. All in all things seemed relatively
normal. At least there wasn't any overturned furniture or dust piles - that
she could see anyway.
The ray of light that had been let into the room slithered away when
Cordelia closed the heavy wooden door softly behind her. The interior
returned to its inky darkness, the grey stillness of the walls and the cold
stone floor accentuating the dramatic silence of the cavernous room. Almost
tiptoeing, she crossed the room and dumped the bag of blood she had just
gotten from the butcher on the coffee table and sighed.
This was eerie. Even during his record breaking intense moments of brooding
boringness, Angel had never been this quiet. The place seemed deserted,
which wasn't really all that possible given his extreme allergy to sunlight
and the whole bursting into a flamy death thing, and - well, that was reason
enough for his Broodiness to keep to the shadows. It was a very compelling
reason for him to stay inside.
Cordelia huffed in exasperation. Where was the undead brooding vampire? She
walked around the room, suddenly shattering the stillness with a single cry.
"Angel!"
There was no response. Suddenly a new, more exotic fear began forming in her
mind - namely that Buffy, Slayer from the dead extraordinaire, had somehow
staked her undead former boss without so much as a by your leave, without
destroying any wooden furniture to speak of, without consulting anyone
first - namely Cordelia, who depended on his undeadness to solve cases, to
kill big bads so she could get paid and dammit, to protect her in times of
visiony danger.
She screamed for Angel again, fear gripping her voice and making it shake
slightly.
"ANGEL!"
She unconsciously held her breath and waited, and only the painful
tightening of her chest reminding her of her need for air. The deceptive
calmness of the room began to grate on her nerves as precious seconds
dragged by, the only sound audible being the palpable beating of her own
heart.
She walked to the well-worn couch and was about to plonk down when she spied
something directly under it. Puzzled, she shifted it sideways slightly - and
stared.
There was a pile of dust. A pile of dust. A pile of -
What?!
Bending down quickly and hastily reminding herself over and over again that
Buffy would never ever stake Angel, she examined the dust. No matter how
annoying and stupid she thought the Slayer was, she knew that Buffy would
never ever stake her former boyfriend, not in a million billion years, not
even if they had gotten into a really huge fight and started belting each
other like they sometimes did which in their twisted universe constituted
friendly bickering and God - what if it was an accident? What if she had
staked him by accident and ran out of the mansion, and -
"Cordy, what are you doing?"
She let out a shrill scream as Angel suddenly appeared behind her, towelling
off his damp hair and making it stick out outlandishly in all directions.
"What-?"
He was cut off as Cordelia launched herself into his arms with ecstatic
relief, hugging him with all her might. Beads of water dripped off his chin
and onto her hair as he stopped all movement but she didn't even notice,
burrowing herself if possible even deeper into his arms. "Thank God you're
safe."
Confused but admittedly happy that Cordelia seemed in no hurry to move from
her comfortable position in his arms, he held onto her until she finally
disentangled herself from him.
"Where were you?" She demanded, annoyed at him for giving her such a scare.
Angel frowned. "I was taking a shower." Sensing her distress he asked
quickly, "What ... what's wrong Cordy?"
"What's wrong?! What's wrong is that I thought you were gone. Like ... poof,
in a big grey cloud of dust! Like ..." She gestured inarticulately. "Gone!"
Angel blinked while trying to determine what exactly he had done wrong. He
looked down at her worried hazel orbs, her annoyed pout and the frown that
briefly marred her delicately chiselled face. His gaze followed hers down to
the floor and to the couch next to him.
A small smile hovered on Angel's lips as his eyes caught the dust lying near
his feet. He looked back at his now embarrassed looking Seer, her full lips
formed into a defensive pout. "I see. You thought ..." He gestured at the
pile of dust.
"Yes! I thought Buffy went mental okay? As if it'd be the first time."
Angel smiled at her embarrassment, a mischievous twinkle gleaming in his
chocolate coloured orbs. "Ah Cordelia ... you know she would never do that."
"Do I?" Cordelia pouted determinedly, still embarrassed at the mind-numbing
fear she had been experiencing just moments before. "I mean duh - she's the
Slayer and in case you've forgotten you're a vampire, and - can I really be
sure that she just wouldn't, you know, stake you ... accidentally or
something?" She crossed her arms defiantly.
Angel reined in his smile somewhat and looked down at her indulgently.
"Cordy, you know she'd never do that. I mean, we might fight ... a lot - but
she wouldn't, you know -"
"Yeah, yeah I know." Cordelia sighed resignedly and threw herself on the
couch, feeling really *really* stupid now. Of course Buffy would never stake
Angel - like she'd ever stake the 'love of her life'. They were the
star-crossed lovers of all time; she was Juliet to his Romeo and would
Juliet ever do anything to harm her precious, precious pretty boy lover? Of
course not.
Cordelia bounced back up, her mood deteriorating rapidly. Her head hurt like
there was no tomorrow and Angel wanted to discuss the finer points of little
Miss likes to fight? Oooh Buffy can slay vampires. Buffy's so strong and
athletic. Buffy can come back from the dead. Huh.
"Forget it, I was just being stupid - as usual. Feel free to ignore poor
little clueless Cordy." She huffed acidically as she started walking out of
the room.
"Cordy, what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, okay? Does something always have to be wrong?" She
huffed irritably. "And does something always have to be wrong before you
show any signs of concern - about me?"
Angel reeled back in astounded confusion. "What ...What do you mean?"
His handsomely clueless face made Cordelia want to strangle him in
frustration. He was such a clueless idiot sometimes! Did she have to spell
everything out to him?
God. She already poured his blood, listened to his insane rambling, coaxed
him out of serial broodiness, bought him underwear when he had none, patched
up his wounds, made sure he had fun sometimes, made him talk to people like
a normal person, single-handedly brought the concept of colour back into his
wardrobe, dusted his stupid hotel suite and the most tortuous thing of all -
had actually listened to him sing. Didn't that qualify her for some
'caring about Cordy' moments? Was it too much to ask of him to show that he
cared about her just a little? Not just in a 'she's just had a vision and
now her brain's threatening to explode' kinda way, but in a 'she's my
bestest friend in the whole world and let's not always compare her to
perfect Buffy' kinda way?
The more she thought about it the more annoyed she became. She was always
playing second fiddle to Buffy's orchestra in his eyes and always will. Sure
Cordelia was vision girl ... so what? It would always be the same tune with
Angel. Buffy would always be this gloriously bright, shining light in his
past, and what was she? His annoying gal Friday - occasionally witty,
occasionally funny personal messenger from the Powers That Be.
Look how he had totally ditched her when Buffy had dropped by this morning.
And it wasn't just Angel. It was Xander and the Scoobies who had always
thought she was a brainless, insensitive cheerleader. It was everything and
everyone about this stupid town, and why did the Powers have to land her in
the only place in the entire country that made her feel insignificant and
worthless?
Cordelia's angry hazel eyes bored into Angel's placidly uncomprehending
face, making him cringe unwittingly. "What do I mean? Do I have to spell
out everything for you?" She shoved her hands on her hips, her voice rising.
"Cordy, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Angel asked in confused concern.
"If I hear you ask me 'what's wrong' or 'are you okay' one more time I'm
going to - I'm going to scream!" She began to pace about the room
frantically. "Can't you just for once show that you care about me? About
how I'm doing and not because of some stupid vision that makes me want to
throw up and choke at the same time?
"Cordy you know I care, I always care."
"Of course you do!" The irritated girl said, pointing an accusing finger
into his chest. "You always care. You care about your precious vision girl,
you care about Wes and Gunn, you care about pretty, cute little Fred - you
care about Lorne, you care about everyone in L.A and argh! You probably care
about everyone on this whole damn planet! You even care about that stupid
mangy dog that's always hanging around the hotel and don't think I haven't
noticed you feeding him scraps - but that's not the point." He opened his
mouth to protest but she smoothly continued, oblivious to his confusion.
"The point is that you care about the world, I'm technically part of the
world and hence - yeah, you care about me. But you don't care about me."
She looked at him as if daring him to retaliate. Heedless of the angry
jutting of her chin, the brilliant fury in her bright hazel eyes and the
hostility radiating from her being, Angel drew a long breath and attempted
to formulate a reply.
"Cordy are you crazy? Of course I care." He gulped as he saw the fury in her
eyes burn even brighter and realised that he probably shouldn't have called
her crazy. "Um, what I mean is ... Of course I care ... about you. I've
always cared. You know ... I let you put cinnamon in my blood sometimes."
Cordelia remained immobile, her face still one of barely contained fury.
Angel plunged on, his hands running nervously through his drying hair. "And
um, I've started wearing more colours. You know that light blue shirt you
picked out for me last week? I ... I actually wore it last week ..." His
mind desperately searched for more examples. " ... And I tried to surf the
ah, the net last week like you showed me. And um ... Basically I care. I do
care about you Cordelia." He finished off sincerely.
There was a dramatic pause before Cordelia saw fit to repel his arguments.
"That puppy dog look isn't going to work for you this time broody boy - so
you may as well drop it. I'm tired, my head hurts and I'm angry. The least
you can do is to take me seriously!" She paused before adding quietly, "Of
course you may not be able to take silly little Cordy seriously."
Suddenly Angel felt a stab of irrational anger pierce his relatively light
mood. "Cordelia." He said sternly, "Don't ever say that about yourself."
"Say what? Say that I'm silly? That no one ever takes me seriously?" She
asked him, her tone defiant. "Why not? It's true isn't it?" She looked up
into his slightly angry eyes. "Look what you've just said to me. I put
cinnamon in your blood. I buy you clothes. Is that all I am to you? A maid?
... a personal assistant? Is that -"
"Cordelia you know that isn't true." Angel could feel his anger beginning to
spiral out of control. How could she even begin to think those things? To
think that he thought nothing more of her than ... than a maid? A personal
assistant? How could she ...? "You're my friend. More than that - you're my
family." He gritted his teeth to try to keep his anger from seeping into his
words. "You were the first person who saw me for what I was - for what I
am - and accepted me. You ... you help me in ways you'll never know." He
wanted to shake her, to do something to emphasise the force of his emotions
but he settled for gripping her shoulders firmly with his hands. "You're
like the light I can never touch ... the perfect happiness I can never feel.
When you're around me I know I'll never be lost. Cordy you're everything I
need to live - can't you see that?"
His beautiful words made her eyes tear up with happiness but she quickly
shook herself out of the feeling. She wanted so desperately to believe him,
to believe that everything he had just said was true.
But it was only a dream ... a wonderful, intoxicating dream.
"Angel ..." She said, anguish erasing the anger from her voice. "You don't
feel that way about me, not really. I'm just ... it's just because I'm there
all the time, that's all. If I'm ... if I'm not there you'll find others ...
other people that can be all those things to you."
He swallowed, barely able to absorb her words. It was all Angel could do to
keep from tearing the nearby coffee table apart in frustration. He had
practically bared his soul to her - hell he had bared his soul to her -
and she hadn't even believed him!
"Cordelia - you're so stubborn sometimes!" He gritted his teeth and plunged
on. "I think I know better than anyone else how I feel, don't you? And if I
say I care about you and that you're everything to me, I mean it."
She tried another tack. "Well how do you expect me to believe you when
you're reserved broody guy all the time? You never say anything to me -
well, except just now but that's beside the point - and you never let it
show. And don't give me that 'you find it hard to show your true feelings'
sensitive new age vampire crap. I've seen you with Buffy, all making with
the smoochies."
"Don't bring Buffy into this." He was fighting a losing battle on his
irritation. Why couldn't Cordelia just accept that that was the way he
really felt about her? Why was this annoying, passionate, gorgeous beauty in
front of him so damn stubborn about things?
"Cordelia, can't you just accept that that's the way I really feel?" He felt
his irritation mounting as he saw the disbelieving pain in her eyes. "What
do I have to do to prove it to you?" He grabbed her shoulders roughly, his
dark eyes boring into hers with sparkling intensity. "What do I have to do?"
"Angel ..." She wrenched herself out of his painful grasp. "You can't do
anything. It's not about proving anything ... I don't blame you, I really
don't."
He let out a small growl in frustration, feeling the familiar primal
stirrings of his demon. "You don't blame me?" He looked down at her, his
dark orbs suddenly smouldering as his voice descended into a dangerous
whisper. "Here I am, telling you everything that I feel about you. The way
you make me feel ..." His hands crept languorously through her hair as he
stepped closer and closer to her. Cordelia remained still as he nestled his
face into her hair and luxuriated in her soft tresses, before slowly
descending down the side of her face and settling into the crook of her
neck, leaving her skin tingling as he inhaled deeply. Inhaled her deeply.
Whoa. Now Cordelia was the one confused. This behaviour was ... new. Very
new. So new in fact that she had never seen him like this before - well,
except for that time with the Darla-induced craziness. And she knew how well
that had turned out.
His hands wrapped around her body, caressing her back gently ... almost
sensually. Okay this was getting freaky. What the hell was he doing?!
"Ah ... Angel?" She tentatively spoke into his soft brown hair, her voice
uncertain. "Bestest vampire buddy? What are you doing?"
He withdrew his head from her shoulders, but not before brushing his face
briefly against the top of her chest. He grinned innocently at her, hanging
his head boyishly as if caught doing something wrong.
She felt a long moment of blind panic. He was milking the puppy dog
expression as far as it would go and ... was Angel pouting? Pouting with
those utterly kissable lips and God - she had to stop thinking right there.
Okay, this was definitely new.
"I'm trying to .. show you how much I care about you Cordy." His eyes were
alight with ... with something. There was a glimmer of feigned innocence as
well as a glint of steel, but Cordelia for once couldn't read Angel like an
open book - and she didn't like it one bit.
The worst thing was that now all her energy, all her anger at him and at the
world - albeit irrational - had completely disappeared. Dissipated into thin
air. She couldn't even continue the fight.
Cordelia Chase had been bested by a socially inept 248 year old Irish
vampire!
Her attention returned to the present as Angel continued, his look of boyish
innocence replaced by one of feigned casualness. "You know Cordy, I've been
doing all the talking here. But what about you? How much do you care Cordy?
Really care?"
Angel had skilfully manipulated her and there was nothing she could do about
it! With sudden clarity Cordelia realised that no matter how kind and gentle
Angel normally appeared to be, he was, after all, a vampire - one who wasn't
above a little manipulation to get something he really wanted. She was
annoyed at being manoeuvred, yet at the same time she found herself
intrigued. She had always known that there were layers to her friend that
she hadn't seen before, and now that she was exposed to yet another side of
his already complex character - she found it quite thrilling. Although
technically she could've lived without being introduced to the 'brooding
about Darla until he went insane' Angel.
"What do you mean?" She spluttered. "Were we having the same conversation?
I clearly care about you."
He nodded thoughtfully, his face returning to its normal gravity. "Do you? I
mean ... Do you care about me more than you cared about the Groosalug?"
"Huh?" Cordelia blinked and looked at him blankly. What did Groo have
anything to do with it?
"The Groosalug." He said, as if that in itself totally clarified the
situation. "You cared about him, didn't you?"
"Yeah. For those three days we were stuck in Pylea." She tried to reign
her sarcasm in but her frustration made her want to scream. "Plus he was
really nice to me. What does he have to do with anything?"
"You said you loved him." Angel replied in a small, subdued tone.
Cordelia was reduced to blinking blankly again. "I do - I did." She absently
corrected herself, feeling her frustration build. "So what? What does
that -"
She stopped abruptly as she caught onto his train of thought. "Oh God. Do
you actually think that I - that I care more for Groo than for you?" She
half-laughed at the ridiculousness of the idea, making his face darken.
"Well, we were fighting to the death and you did stop me from hurting
him so I'm thinking - yeah."
"That's stupid." She retorted peevishly, annoyed at his utter stupidity and
cluelessness. "How could you think that after all the stuff we've been
through?"
"Well what was I supposed to think?" His voice was rapidly turning into a
shout. "You always say what's on your mind and you said you loved him. How
was I supposed to know I was stupid in believing you?"
"Well," Cordelia blustered. "You should actually try thinking before you
become sensitive martyr guy. Don't blame me if you're too stupid to realise
that I love you, you dumb ass!"
"Well - I love you too!" Angel blustered, before he registered what she had
just said to him.
Tension hung thickly in the air and for a full minute neither of them could
formulate a thought. The silence in the room was punctuated only by the
heavy and erratic beating of Cordelia's heart until she shifted slightly on
her feet, the impact of what he had just confessed to her making her
suddenly blush crimson.
She tried to alleviate the tension with a nervous giggle. "Wow. Did that
qualify as an intense bonding moment?"
Angel rubbed his neck sheepishly, his erratic mood dissipating. "Yeah. I
think it more than qualifies."
She swallowed, trying to not notice the dryness in her throat. Her head
still hurt from the headache that had assaulted her at the Espresso Pump and
she really needed to lie down. Her emotions were veering so wildly out of
control that she didn't know what to think - couldn't know what to think,
except for one thing.
Angel loved her. Angel loved her. He loved her?
"You love me?" Her mind was jerked back by Angel's incredulous and uncertain
voice. "You shouldn't. I'm dangerous." Her face darkened. "You shouldn't ...
care."
"Oh please. Don't tell me that I can't care." A hint of steel crept back
into her voice. "That ship's already sailed mister. It's sailed so far out
of the harbour it's out at sea now. It's drawn anchor and people on that
ship are fishing."
"Well ... okay." He surprised her by giving her a slightly cheeky grin. "I
can deal with that."
"Good." She smiled in spite of herself. Pain shot through her head and she
realised that she really needed to lie down for a while. Having the vision
yesterday, fighting those calamari demons, not getting enough sleep and
dealing with heavy emotion issues were taking their toll on her.
Angel noticed her flinching with pain and automatically braced her against
his taller frame. "Cordy?"
"It's nothing." She smiled wanly up at him, the tiredness in her eyes
suddenly betraying her fatigue. "Just a headache that's all. I just need to
lie down for a while."
Angel nodded silently, controlling the irrational anger and fear that
inevitably coursed through him every time he saw Cordelia in this condition.
In so much pain because of her visions ... because of him. And because he
could do nothing to alleviate her suffering.
"Okay." He helped her to the bedroom and onto the large, soft bed, tucking
her in and pulling the comforter until it shrouded her lithe frame. "Need
anything? Tylenol? Water?"
She looked up at him, her eyes shining. "I'm good." She paused, sleep
already half claiming her as he kneeled beside the bed. "Love you." She
mumbled before closing her glorious eyes.
He gently brushed his lips against her forehead. "Love you too Cordy."
He leaned back in the shadows to simply gaze at Cordelia's slumbering form,
the smooth contours of her face, her delicate, passionate features. He had
finally admitted the truth that he had inwardly denied for so many months -
the truth he had feared for so long. Feared that she wouldn't feel the same
way, and feared that she would.
But he realised that it didn't matter now. They had admitted their feelings
for each other and it had been accepted so quickly, so simply - as if they
had both known on some level about their feelings for one another. It was
... it was the most natural thing in the world.
Angel gently brushed tendrils of Cordelia's dark brown hair off her face. He
had admitted to himself and to her that he loved her - and the world hadn't
ended. Maybe there was hope for them yet.
Part Six
Angel was staring intently at the dormant fireplace, lost in the chasm
between conscious and unconscious thought when he spied Cordelia striding
in, blinking owlishly at him through heavy, sleep riddled lids.
The sun had only just set a few minutes ago and already the waning light had
given way to the inky greyness of early evening. Angel had toyed with the
idea of actually getting a fire going in the face of the cooling night but
had been thwarted by a lack of matches and his general ineptitude at
starting fires in general. Well, the ones that didn't burn houses down at
least.
Besides it was a rather warm night - which technically didn't mean anything
to Angel, being a vampire who couldn't feel temperature and all, but still -
it was nice to pretend it mattered, wasn't it?
"Are you brooding?" Cordelia blearily asked as she slowly made her way to
his side, dropping heavily on the couch next to him. Sleep and fatigue still
clung to her frame, illustrated by the way her normally graceful form
unceremoniously sunk onto the back of the couch.
Angel smiled into the empty air, knowing the lecture that was already
beginning to form inside Cordelia's mind. Sometimes it scared him, the way
he was able to almost see what she was thinking and feeling - as if he was
there thinking and feeling those same things along with her. It scared him
not because it was an indication of the intimacy of their minds and emotions
that he had only just begun to realise in the past few months, but because
of the growing possibility that he didn't want it to ever cease. This
togetherness that he now shared with Cordelia that was founded on
friendship, bonded by love.
Sometimes it made him wonder at the unpredictability of life - that two
outsiders who had exchanged no more than perfunctory greetings and small
talk, whose lives had only crossed due to chance and mutual acquaintances,
could somehow be thrown together in body as well as in mind just a few short
years later.
"Seer to broody boy. Seer to broody boy. Anyone there?" She paused as she
playfully waved a hand in front of his intense eyes, glittering in the dim
light. "Okay Houston, I think we have a problem."
"Cordelia, I meant everything that I said before." He turned suddenly to
her, grabbing her attention with the intensity in his dark orbs.
Cordelia screwed her nose up in concentration, vestiges of sleep still
fogging up her mind. "Ah ... which part exactly? The part where you said I
wasn't your maid or the part where you said you loved me?"
Angel cocked his head to one side, letting a tiny smile play on his lips.
"Both actually."
"Ah ... me too. I mean, the I love you part." She sat up straighter and
played with her entwined fingers. "So, we're on the same page here?"
Angel frowned in confusion. "Which ... page is that?"
Cordelia huffed impatiently although the growing smile that hovered on her
lips showed she was, in fact, otherwise. "The page that says that we both
have the good feelings." She said matter-of-factly. "And now we need to go
on to the next page."
Angel was becoming hopelessly lost in Cordelia's strange analogy. "The ...
the next page?" He asked carefully.
"Duh. The page that says how we're going to deal with it." She looked at
him, slightly anxious orbs flashing in the dimly lit room. "You know, for a
250 year old vampire with an unhealthy brooding obsession, you sure are slow
with the issues sometimes. The whole 'we're friends but we have love
feelings for each other and now what are we going to do' thing didn't cross
your mind once while you were serial brooding the afternoon away? What
kind of soulful brooding vampire are you?"
"249." Angel automatically corrected. "And ..." He floundered, sure that
Cordelia's strange logic would have provoked an elephant-sized migraine if
he had been human, which at the moment he gladly was not. "I was ... I don't
know what I was thinking. It's been a big day for me. Talking to Buffy for
one thing ..."
"Oh." Cordelia's voice dropped in understanding. "Sorry ... I kinda forgot
about that. How'd it go anyway? I mean, did you guys sort your wacky issues
out or is she going to be doing the uninvite spell sometime soon?"
"I think ... more the former." Angel rushed on as Cordelia processed this.
"You know, she invited us to dinner tonight." He said, bemused by the
banality of Buffy inviting them over for dinner as well Cordelia's unguarded
surprise.
"She? Invited us ... to dinner?" Her brows wrinkled in confusion. "Are you
sure you guys, you know, didn't accidentally hit each other over the head or
something? Something that made her go all Martha Stewart?"
"Quite sure." Angel's eyes twinkled as he continued staring at her. "You up
for it? We don't have to go if you don't want to." He added quickly.
Cordelia glanced carefully at Angel, seeing the light shining in his dark
eyes before replying. "No, I think we should. I mean at least, you should.
Are you sure she won't try to murder me if I go?" She quipped
half-seriously.
"She wouldn't do that." He playfully said, grabbing her hand tenderly. "It'd
be good for you to see the whole gang again. Catch up with everyone. You
can't avoid thinking about your past forever."
She sighed in resignation. "I suppose, Oh Wise and Extremely Old one.
Besides ... I'm really hungry." As if to prove her point, her stomach began
to growl noisily. She giggled. "Really hungry."
"Good." Angel patted her hand affectionately as he rose, stretching his taut
limbs. "I'm going to drive into town for a few ... things. We could go to
Buffy's after I come back." He halted. "Maybe you could get all our stuff
together while I'm gone. That way we could head off straight after dinner."
A dangerous glint began to form in the corner of Cordelia's eyes at his
commanding tone. "Anything else you'd like me to do? Clean your car? Do your
laundry?" she asked ascerbically.
Angel smiled, feigning ignorance at her rancour. "Maybe ... you could put
the rest of my blood in the ice pack? Wouldn't want it to go off you know."
"No. Of course not." Angel could almost hear Cordelia grinding her teeth in
mild irritation. "Anything else?"
Angel pretended to ponder her question for a split second. "Yeah Cordy ...
why don't you take a shower while I'm gone? You kinda ... smell." He grinned
mischievously.
That was it. Cordelia grabbed a cushion from the couch and threw it at him
with all her might, hitting his perfectly gelled hair. "I don't smell. I
have a scent. A lovely, womanly, sexy scent. And you're lucky that you can
... smell it mister."
Unusually aroused, Angel crossed the intervening distance between them and
roughly wrapped an arm around her perfect waist, crushing his hard body
against hers. "Yeah, you do." He whispered as he twirled her dark locks
sensually with his free hand, dipping into the crook of her neck to inhale
her scent more deeply.
Before Cordelia could even think to respond, Angel quickly leaned for a
light, tingling kiss, deepening in intensity as he began plundering her
luscious mouth with his tongue, sweeping all thought from her mind and
bringing to the fore a myriad of sensations teased to the zenith by his
skilful exploration. Her arms slackened at the exhilarating unexpectedness
of his actions, a moan escaping her in primal passion as she at last
regained control of herself long enough to run her hands urgently through
the strands of his silky hair and down to envelope his chiselled waist.
He broke away at long last due to Cordelia's need for air, intently
absorbing the dreamy expression in Cordelia's eyes before another devilish
smile crept on his face.
"Be back soon." With feigned casualness, as if he hadn't just experienced
one of the most mind-blowing kisses of his life, he sauntered out of the
mansion, leaving a breathless and profoundly confused Cordelia staring
numbly in his wake.
Cordelia was rooted to the spot. What the hell had just happened?
Cordelia was extremely confused by Angel's erratic behaviour. She didn't
know what to make of his rapidly shifting moods; she sure as hell hadn't
been exposed to so many different facets of Angels during such a short
period before. Angel had been the cornerstone of her life for over two
years - she took comfort in the immutable knowledge that he was always calm,
in control, kind, decent, caring ... collected. She felt safe knowing that
there was always one person who she could always run to, scream at, cajole,
whine and bicker with and it would be okay.
But today - today he had been erratic, manipulative, devilish ... playful.
It scared her because she wasn't used to this other less-safe Angel. Maybe
it was due to the extreme proximity of the Hellmouth, or of the Slayer, or
maybe he had drunk some bad blood - she didn't know. Cordelia just knew that
there was going to a lot of learning about her best friend in the next few
days - and she was both scared and excited by the prospect of such a
profound change to their friendship.
Cordelia's hand fingered her lips lightly in wonder. She had never, ever
been kissed like that in her entire life which granted, didn't really say
much since the sum total of her experiences consisted of high school jocks,
Xander Harris, Wesley, Doyle, Wilson Christopher and most recently, Groo -
none of whom had left her with this strange excitement that threatened to
overwhelm her motor functions and thought patterns. She was still feeling
the energy from the surprise kiss reverberate around her body - and it had
just been one kiss. She shivered in fleeting anticipation of other, more
tingly kisses from Angel - soon.
Yep, soon. Very, very soon.
Shaking herself out of stasis she headed towards the bedroom to fish out a
fresh change of clothes. Angel had been right about one thing. She really
needed a shower at the moment.
A cold shower.