Title: Bad Timing
Author: Kelly22
Posted: 07-03-02
Rating: PG-13, tops. If I had the gift of smut, like certain members of the ST forum, believe me, I would be all about the NC-17. Hey, maybe if my real life gets a little more interesting then my fanfiction would heat up.
Email: Kelly4480@aol.com
Content: C/A, teeny bit of B/A (it had to be done), B/S
Summary: This story is set a little after Cordy comes back from vacation with Groo, except in my AU world, there was no bad father-devouring-son prophecy and no babies growing up in hell dimensions. So people still like Wesley and I guess Holtz and Justine ran off to the mid-west together, because they certainly aren't rearing their ugly heads in MY story.
Spoilers: "Couplet" for Ats and I guess about mid-season 6 for Btvs
Disclaimer: Ats, Btvs, and their respective characters do not belong to me. Woe is me.
Distribution:
Notes:
Feedback: Do I want Feedback: You know I do.
Part 1: Can't Stand the Heat
Cordelia often was faced with situations that made her really stop and wonder how far off track her life had veered. When she had spotted Xander and Willow swapping spit and fallen on a rebar. When she had inherited visions from "The Powers that Be" by kissing a half-demon. When she had voluntarily gone all half-demony herself in order to continue helping people. But standing in the kitchen of the Hyperion on Friday night, Cordy was dumbstruck at how unexpected her life really was.
She was standing in the kitchen with pots and pans strewn everywhere, chopping vegetables. The steam from the pot on top of the oven wasn't doing pretty things to her hair (which was three weeks overdue for some highlights) and a glimpse at the door of the microwave oven told her that her face was more than a little shiny. Add that to the fact that she was bouncing a 7-month old baby on her hip and the picture was complete. Somewhere on the road to international superstardom, she had come to look a whole heck of a lot like a housewife.
Cordelia shook off the mutual feelings of disgust and pleasure that thought sent through her and tried to concentrate on what Fred was saying.
"It's not that I want to pry, it's just that you came back from vacation so early and Groo's nowhere to be seen and it's been two weeks and I just, oh come on, you've got to tell me what happened," Fred whined, popping a piece of green pepper in her mouth.
"Fred, I told you, I just, you know, had an epiphany."
"Ohhhhhh, like Angel did? After sex? So you did com-shuck the Groosalog!"
"I didn't say that."
"So you didn't. You kept the potion?"
"I didn't say-dammit, Angel said he would be right back. This whole give Cordy a cooking lesson thing was HIS idea and he just disappears. ANGELLLL."
"Hey sorry, I couldn't find his pacifier," Angel said as he walked back into the kitchen.
"That's odd, seeing as there's at least twenty stashed all over the hotel," Cordy said, passing the baby off to Fred and joining Angel at the stove.
"They do keep turning up in the strangest places," Fred noted. "I mean, yesterday, I found one in Gunn's pants."
Both Cordelia and Angel immediately whipped around to stare at the girl, Angel scowling while Cordy's eyebrows reached unprecedented heights.
Fred bit her lip. That had not come out right. "No, uh, laundry, I was doing laundry and some of Gunn's things were in there, and there was a pacifier jammed in a pocket. And I reached in and got it. So, um, I was technically IN Gunn's pants, um, but not in the sense that he was in them at the same time, and I think Connor and I are gonna go see what's happening in the other room." With that, Fred fled.
Cordy and Angel both turned back to the stove, standing for several seconds in silence. They both glanced over at the other person and then quickly glanced away. Cordy heard a squeak and than realized it was her, trying to hold a laugh in. She looked over at Angel. He was silent and his lips looked clamped together. Than she noticed the shaking. She let out another squeak and then her laughter came spilling out, followed immediately by Angel's. They laughed until their stomachs' hurt. Cordelia slid onto the floor trying to catch her breath. Angel didn't need to breath so he made himself useful taking the pasta off the stove and putting it in a strainer.
"Oh, god, I can't breath. That was just so funny," Cordy panted.
"I know. When she said that, all I could think.I mean, the idea of Gunn and Fred," Angel shook his head and inspected Cordy's progress on the vegetables.
Cordy bit her lip and slowly stood up. Her sweet utterly clueless vampire. You had to love him. Oops, no shake that thought off Cordy Ever since the ballet, all the signs had been there-the idea of Gunn and Fred was one Angel was going to have to accept. Fred had been pretty tight lipped about what had happened at the ballet, but Cordy knew the signs of schmecking. She would have to remember to hit Fred up for details sometime soon. Girls were supposed to tell each other stuff like that. Of course its not like I've told her anything about what me and Angel were up to in the dressing room. Oh, geez Cordy, don't think about that now, not here, in the kitchen, the hot kitchen, with him standing right next to me. You know the rules-no thinking about my little epiphany when I am at work. Maybe she should tell Angel, so he wouldn't spaz in front of the rest of the group.
"Angel, the idea of Fred and Gunn together isn't such a bad idea, you know."
"Cordy, what are you talking about," Angel said without looking up. "Fred she's like a physicist and Gunn's, I mean, he's a street fighter from the hood."
Cordy bit her lip to keep from laughing. Angel had said 'hood.' Was anything this man did not cute? Ahhh, stop! "So what, they come from different places. That's the basis for, like, some of the best love stories ever. People can fall in love with people who are nothing like them. Is this cause he's black," Cordy asked, teasing.
Angel turned to her, horrified. "I'm not racist!" When he saw she was joking, he relaxed and leaned across her to stir the sauce. "Hello, I'm a bloodsucking vampire, it doesn't leave a lot of room to be judgmental."
Cordelia smiled and tried not to think of how little sparks of electricity had shot across her when Angel's arm had brushed her. God, and he smelled so.mmmmm. Great, now I sound like one of those goddamn Furies. "Anyway, my POINT is that I think Fred and Gunn might have some crushy feelings and I just wanted you to be aware of that. SO you don't say anything stupid. Which you will anyway."
"Hey," Angel said, wounded.
"Kidding. Just kidding." She had better change the subject. "So how did you know when to take the pasta off the burner?"
"Well, you need to wait until the noodle achieves a certain amount of malleability while still retaining a desired level of firmness."
"Huh?"
"You throw it at the wall," Fred said as she walked back into the kitchen with Connor. "Throw a piece of pasta at the wall and if it sticks, it's done." She grabbed a bottle of juice for the baby and headed back to the television.
"Hmmm," Cordy said as she reached to grab a noodle from the bowl. "Why do I like Fred's explanation so much better than yours?" She chucked a noodle at the wall behind Angel. It hit right near the clock and stuck. Then, five seconds later, it fell. Onto Angel's hair. Angel immediately started shaking his head violently, trying to get it off. Cordy simply buried her face in her hands and exploded in laughter.
"Cordy. Cordelia. Stop laughing. It wasn't that funny dammit," Angel growled.
Part 2: Stay Out of the Kitchen
Would Cordy ever stop laughing, Angel wondered. Of course it was hard not to appreciate the sound, even if it was at his own expense. Cordelia laughing was hard not to like. When she just let her self go and threw everything she had into laughing, it was like being hit by a truck, but in a good way. It was a lot like when she gave that one smile, that real, deliciously huge smile that made you just stop and wonder if anything on earth could be more rewarding than making Cordelia smile.
"Cordy." More laughter. "Cordelia." What the hell was so damn funny about a noodle in his hair. This was getting a little ridiculous. And she really didn't appear to be stopping with the laughing anytime soon. He wished he could make her stop laughing. I wish I could grab her and push her against the refrigerator and smother those giggles with my mouth.. Angel shook his head violently from side to side to clear the image from his mind. These, well fantasies if he was being honest, they had been bothering him at the oddest times.for almost a month now. Ever since the ballet and Groo and Cordy's returning early from vacation. Don't go there Angel. Come on, this is why you suggested this cooking lesson in the first place. To keep your mind off less.wholesome things.
Cordelia was still laughing so Angel did the only thing he could think to do (besides the up-against-the-fridge action). He reached into the bowl of noodles and chucked a handful at her.
It was beautiful really. Several landed in her hair, one tangled around her ear. Three lucky strands now rested in the v-neck of her shirt. And that perfect, outraged wail of indignation. It was like music. And of course, the laughter had stopped.
One second her eyes were blank with shock. Then they narrowed, in that sexy, dangerous, Queen C way of hers and Angel gulped. Before he could blink, Cordy's two hands were grabbing for the bowl of pasta. She wouldn 't. I mean, that was her dinner. She wouldn't-
Warm, wet noodles were everywhere. On his shoes. On his clothes. Nestled in the perfectly gelled spikes of his hair. He stood silent, unmoving.
Cordelia's smile faded as she saw the expression on his face. Tossing the bowl of pasta had seemed like such a good idea. And he did look funny. But also, maybe just a little bit ANGRY. Now, Cordelia knew that Angel would never actually HURT her, but hundreds of years doing evil vampy things had taught him lots and lots about revenge. And there were just way too many weapons lying around the.
What, what had he just dumped in her hair? Cordelia ran a hand thru her hair and there was a rainfall of.cheese. While she had been in her haze, imagining all sorts of vengeful atrocities, Angel had dumped the thing of Parmesan cheese in her hair.
At that point, Cordy saw his laughing form leaning on the counter and she would have joined him, would have laughed the whole silly thing off and called it a draw. But then she realized that this wasn't a tiny generic can of Parmesan cheese. This was the gourmet stuff, the kind Wolfgang Puck had recommended, the kind SHE had bought. This, oh this wasn't to be taken lightly.
She smiled, making him think that they were even now, that the little food fight had ended before it really began. She shrugged her shoulders in what she hoped was an endearing "I-give-up" kind of way. She reached for her glass of Diet Coke. She raised her hand and took a sip. Then she tossed the contents in his face.
Angel realized he should have known better, realized that he shouldn't be surprised there was Diet Coke dripping down his forehead and into his eyes. His Cordelia would never let something end without getting off a parting shot. Okay so she's not "my Cordelia" but still, I mean, after three years, I shoulda known there would be some sort of counter-attack.
"Very funny Cordy. Say, is that a new shirt you're wearing?" Angel asked while grabbing a spoon and stirring the pot of spaghetti sauce.
"Yes actually, haven't figured out how I am going to pay for it b-." Wait a second. He was up to something. Changing the subject, trying to look all innocent there stirring the sauce. The very red sauce. Sauce that would be very stainy if it got on a certain person's new shirt. "Angel, don't." Angel had raised a spoonful of the sauce up and made like he was going to taste it. "Angel, I know what you are about to do, but don't even think-" .
It was too late of course. Cordelia stared down at the spattering of red across her shirt. As she thought about dry cleaning bills, she became enraged. She reached for the bowl of salad and started lobbing croutons at him, followed by some of the larger slices of tomatoes. When she ran out of ammunition, Angel stopped ducking and just flung two more spoonfuls of sauce.
Cordy frantically searched for something else to use as a weapon while trying unsuccessfully to evade the pasta sauce he kept hurling her way. At a loss, she grabbed the only thing nearby.a bottle of her Kraft Fat Free Italian Salad Dressing. She popped open the top and gripped the bottle firmly with two hands. Ready, Aim, Fire. And she hosed him down. Aww, poor baby didn't seem to like that much. And Italian dressing, that could sometimes taste awful garlicy. Cordy let a snort of laughter slip out. Angel growled. He stepped closer and grabbed her forearms, yanking her towards him. Oh dear God, it's like something out of a trashy romance novel.
"Cordelia, I've always secretly wanted to do this to you." Oh sweet Jesus, he is going to kiss me. He shouldn't, we shouldn't, and if he doesn' t do it soon I'm going to have to do it for him. She closed her eyes. Her heart was racing. She took a deep breath.and smelled something sweet. Angel, he smelled like.blueberries. At that last second , warning alarms went off in her head, but it was too late. Before she could open her eyes, everything got very.gooey. She wiped at her eyes and face. It was pie. The pie she and Fred had pulled out of the oven over an hour ago. The pie she had helped make with her very own hands.the pie she had slaved over, dammit!
Angel stood back and looked at his handy work. Not all that much had stayed on her face and most of that was the whipped cream. Still, she did seem very, well, blue. Half of the pie seemed to have stuck to her right arm. And gobs of blue covered her shoes. It was funny, but not as funny as when it happened to people on television. Maybe cause the people on TV didn't have to face Cordelia's icy glare. Listen to the slow meticulous beating of her heart as she planned how she would retaliate. Angel realized the irony of the situation. He had once been a feared creature of the night, who terrorized helpless girls that looked like Cordy. He would have once made her cower in terror. Hell, he once had. And now, now the former "Scourge of Europe", well he wasn't cowering, but it was pretty damn close. She reached for the long loaf of French bread and Angel ran
Part 3: Unexpected Surprises
Buffy, Dawn, and Willow stood in front of the door to the Hyperion waiting for Xander, who they had assigned to bring all the bags in from the car.
"Does anyone else feel a little weird about this," Willow wondered. "I mean, I know that they invited us but-"
"No, actually they didn't," Dawn interrupted while Buffy pretended to suddenly be very interested in looking at her feet. "Buffy invited herself and dragged us along. Oh wait, that would insinuate that she actually called Angel and said 'Hey I'm coming for a visit, hope it's cool.' Which she didn't." Dawn hated to be a tattletale, but this was ridiculous.
Willow stared at her best friend in shock. "Buffy, is she serious? They don't even know we are coming?"
Buffy hated that Willow looked so appalled. It made her doubt the decision too. "Look, Will, Angel and I.I mean, he forgave me for sending him to hell, I'm pretty sure he won't be angry about appearing on his doorstep. Hello, I'm the only woman he's loved in 250 years, I'm pretty sure that gives me the right to pop in when I need to."
"Wait, I thought we all came cause Deadboy needed you in LA for something?" Xander huffed, having finally managed to drag himself and the bags to the door. "What are we doing here then?
Buffy stared at the other three then lowered her head to avoid their confused glances. Quietly, and without looking up, she said, "I just need to know that some things don't change."
Suddenly, everyone looked up as they heard screams coming from inside the Hyperion.
"Well there you go. See, hellmouth or not, things don't ever change," Xander smirked.
Suddenly they heard a woman yell, "No, Angel, no, you're killing me." With a crossbow that seemingly materialized out of nowhere in hand, Buffy kicked open the door and ran inside. For a minute the other three just stood there.
Willow wrinkled her nose and said, "Does anyone else ever wonder where she keeps the crossbow?" Dawn and Xander just shrugged and they all headed inside. They found Buffy literally frozen in place, staring at the scene before her.
"Okay, I admit, clearly, some things DO change," Xander mumbled.
***********
Angel had sprinted out of the kitchen with Cordy and the menacing loaf of bread on his heels. With an uncharacteristically Xena-like yell, Cordelia jumped onto Angel's back. He continued to run while she tried to get in a few good hits with the bread (pulling his hair for good measure). Suddenly Angel's foot caught on the leg of Connor's bassinet and they both crashed to the ground. The fall would have stunned two lesser individuals, perhaps finally ending the battle. But not two champions.
By this point, Lorne and Gunn were standing on the stairs cracking up while Wes had emerged from his office shaking his head. Fred pointed at them, telling Connor how silly his Daddy was and then headed back to the kitchen to see just how much damage had been done
Knowing he had to act fast, Angel immediately flipped over so that Cordelia lay on the ground. Angel used one hand to hold both of her hands down over her head and with the free hand, began the worst torture known to man or beast. He started to tickle her. And she went nuts.
"No, Angel, no, you're killing me," Cordy screamed, kicking her legs and then raising her hips to try and thrust him off of her.
The feel of her warm center pressing against him sent Angel into shock. The racing heartbeat, the heavy breathing, they were all too familiar.as was the slight scent of.arousal? Wait, it couldn't be, I mean, we're not possessed. His confusion made his tickling hand still and Cordy could feel the pressure holding her down lessen. She took advantage of his distraction by using one of the moves he taught her and flipping him over so she straddled him. She grabbed for the fallen loaf of French bread and raised it overhead, planning to whack him with it.
Right then the door flew open. Cordelia couldn't believe who it was. What the hell is Buffy doing here? In ran the slayer with her crossbow raised. Angel and Cordy openly gaped at her, the bread still frozen in Cordelia's hands and Angel staring from his position on the floor. For someone who had just burst through the door looking to do battle, Cordelia noted that Buffy looked a little "shocked" too. What the hell is going on here? As usual, Cordelia said the first thing that came to mind.
"Wow, Buffy, do you ever NOT make a dramatic entrance?"
***********
Buffy had come barreling through the door, instinct sending her in to slay the demons and save the innocent. But the only demon in front of her clearly had a soul and Cordy and her bread didn't seem all that innocent. At first glance she looked like she was bleeding and Buffy kept the crossbow raised until she noted the noodles in Angel's hair and the fact that a good part of Cordy was covered in.blue. She had busted in to save Angel and Cordelia from a food fight.
"Wow, Buffy, do you ever NOT make a dramatic entrance," Cordelia said, as Xander, Willow, and Dawn walked in the door. Buffy heard Xander mumble something about things changing and tried to get her bearings. If people would just stop staring at her and be quiet than she was sure she could get a handle on her emotions. Of course, what were the chances of that happening? Slim to none when I'm dealing with Cordelia.
"Wow, it's all the scoobies. And Buffy junior. Hey Willow, no bad dying news this time right?" Cordy said, speaking like she wasn't covered in food atop Buffy's ex-boyfriend.
"Nope. And you're not dressed like Princess Leia this time," Willow commented, trying desperately for the air of nonchalance that Cordelia exhibited so flawlessly.
"Yeah, I gave up my crown when the slaves revolted. Oh my gosh, Buffy, you cut your hair. I LOVE it. Have you thought about adding some lowlights? That should give you some added depth-volume is so important when your hair is shorter," Cordy said.
"Actually, a stylist did recommend that but I wasn't sure," Buffy answered. Wait, how did this turn into a discussion on my hair? Hair that Cordelia actually said looked nice. And why is she still lying on top of Angel. And why does he still have that silly nervous grin on his face.
Wesley walked forward, looking a lot more scruffy and, well, sexy. What was it Willow said he was calling himself these days? A rogue demon hunter? Well it worked on him. "Cordy, you might want to let Angel get up and greet his guests," Wesley said evenly. He turned to the group from Sunnydale, saying "Well, don't just stand there. Shut the door and come in."
Cordelia leaned down and whispered in Angel's ear "I will get you for the pie thing later. Know that, and fear me." Then she slid off him and stood, walking over to Xander. "So, I hear someone's marrying an ex-vengeance demon and forgot to invite me, the woman who brought you two kids together."
Xander laughed nervously. For all the blue and purple stains and the messy hair and the disturbing smell of...Parmesan cheese, Cordy still looked regal and confident and somehow, still, intimidatingly beautiful. "Uh, must have gotten lost in the mail," he offered.
Cordy laughed. "I'm just kidding you jackass. Seriously, congratulations." Angel walked over to Cordy and Xander.
"Well, since he didn't invite us, that means we don't have to send presents, right Cordy," Angel said. He brushed more of the cheese out of her hair and used his thumb to wipe a smudge of blueberry off of her cheek. I'm just doing this to mess with Xander's head, he thought. Not cause I'm really trying to stake a claim or anything. And not cause I just wanted to keep touching her. Nope, not cause of that.
Buffy stared around the room. There was a black man and a green man coming down the stairs. Neither of them seemed at all perturbed by the unnatural amount of touching between Angel and Cordelia. And now they were talking about the wedding. She still needed answers and she was going to get them. "Would someone please tell me what happened here?" Gunn, Lorne, and Fred all raised their eyebrows. It was very odd to hear that tone of voice from anyone besides Cordelia.
Angel tried to focus on Buffy and the unexpected appearance of the Scooby Gang. Helping Cordy clean up could wait for later. That has potential to be very fun. Okay, images of licking blueberry pie off of Cordy is so not something I need to be thinking about right now.
"Hey Buffy," Angel said, shuffling over to the slayer (and telling himself not to look back at Cordy). "This is a surprise, uh, a nice surprise."
"Angel," Buffy said, going to hug him and wondering why it felt so very awkward. Maybe that's because he's covered in noodles. And he smells like salad dressing. "Care to explain?"
Angel abruptly turned and pointed at the bassinet. "Uh, I tripped," he said sheepishly.
Willow, Dawn, and Buffy all had those confused, O-o-o-o-kay looks on their faces.
"But how did Cordy end up on top of you?" Willow asked.
Angel hurriedly said, "Oh, she was on top of me before I trip-uh, that's not important."
Cordy looked over from where she was trying to calculate how much weight Xander had gained. Angel had a painful expression on his face. He glanced quickly over to her with pleading eyes. It really was amazing how many times she had to rescue her champion. Cordelia motioned for the gang from AI to come closer. "So I guess introductions are in order. You four remember Wesley I'm sur-".
"Wait," Dawn interrupted. She turned back to Angel. "You tripped over that?" she asked, pointing to the bassinet. "But, um, that's for a baby. Right?" As if on cue, sounds of a baby crying appeared out of nowhere. Angel gulped.
"Yeah, like Cordy said, introductions are definitely in order," he said.
***********
There was a brief moment of silence before Xander's mouth took over. "That was a baby." He pointed towards a kitchen. "Did you guys know that you had a baby back there?" Gunn snorted, Cordelia rolled her eyes, and everyone else frowned at his obtuseness. Fred came out of the kitchen and walked over to everybody else, said baby in her arms. "See," Xander said, still pointing, "that is definitely a baby."
"Good to know you still have an appalling talent for stating the obvious Xander," Cordy said, trying once again to get the rest of the cheese out of her hair. Fred walked up to where Angel and Cordy stood, saw Cordy's hands were occupied and handed the baby to Angel.
"I think someone's a little out of sorts," she noted. Angel bounced in place, trying to sooth the fussy baby while Buffy and her friends stood staring, mouths agape. After a minute, Fred noticed the uncomfortable silence and realized there were several strangers in the room, all staring at her with their mouths agape. "Hey, I didn't know we had visitors. Hi y' all, I'm Fred."
The baby was screaming now and started reaching out his hands toward Cordy. Without saying a word, Angel and Cordy turned to each other and passed the baby off, in that way that parents do. This did not go unnoticed by the newcomers.
Their shock didn't go unnoticed by Cordy either, but she had a cranky baby and shoes full of pie to take care of first. "Angel, you handle the introductions, I'm going to go upstairs, get Connor settled, and see if I can do anything about the fact that I seem to be wearing most of dinner." With that, Queen C excused herself and ascended the stairs, with a bearing that could only be described as royal, despite the noodle clinging to her butt and the baby gnawing on her hair.
Part 4: Who's Your Daddy
Cordelia promises me she'll stick with me until I shansu and then she goes and leaves me to the wolves. She and I need to sit down sometime soon and discuss her understanding of the word loyalty. Angel openly acknowledged he had never dreaded a conversation this much in his life. Better just get it over with.
"So, introductions, lets do that. You guys know Wesley and then there's Gunn and Fred and Lorne, who, you may have guessed, is a demon, but, um, the good kind, you know, like me. You guys, this is Buffy, her sister Dawn, and her friends Willow and Xander."
"Nice to see you all again," Wesley said politely. "I've been looking forward to meeting Dawn for quite some time now. From what Giles told me, your role as the key sounds fascinating. I'd love to discuss-"
"Hate to interrupt you there, but I have to ask, what's the deal with the baby? I mean, you think a girl who got around as much as Cordelia did in high school would have become like a birth control super genius," Xander said in shock.
Gunn stepped forward and probably would have taken Xander out if Fred hadn't laid a hand on his harm to stop him. Wesley heard Angel growl and hurried to smooth things over. He got out, "Well actually," before he was interrupted again, this time by Dawn.
"Geez Xander, it's 2002, unwed mothers are a staple of society. I wrote a paper about them for sociology last month. Did you know that the increase of unwed mothers is merely a logical consequence of premarital sex? And that the true effect of raising children without strong paternal influences is not yet determined?" Dawn stopped when she noticed everyone in the room staring at her. "Okay, so by wrote the paper I mean I copied a bunch of stuff I found on the Internet."
Fred couldn't keep silent any longer. There were some serious misconceptions floating around the room and she would do her best to clear them up. "Well, Cordy's not an unwed mother. I mean, she is unwed. Not that she won't get married one day. I mean, who's to say really. She's still young. What I meant is that Cordy's not a mother-not in the true sense of the word, although I suppose that it does take a village and she is the closest thing Connor's got and now everyone's staring at me so I'll stop talking now."
While everyone stared at Fred and tried to make sense of her bizarre monologue, Angel wondered why what she said made him.angry. Every time we have to clear up what Cordy's role is, it annoys me. He didn't like hearing Cordy say stuff like "Oh, he's not mine. I wish!" And she'd been having to say it more and more lately. To people who thought she was Connor 's mother, people that thought she and Angel were together.
"Look," Buffy said loudly. "Is Cordelia that baby's mother or not, I just want a straight answer."
"Actually, lambkin," Lorne said, finally stepping into the spotlight, "that' s not really the question you should be asking. I think what you really want to know is-"
"Where's Daddy?" a freshly changed Cordy said as she came down the stairs with a freshly changed Connor in her arms. "Where's daddy," she cooed again. When she came to the bottom step Connor caught sight of his dada and raised his arm, gurgling incoherently. "There he is! Good boy. Your so smart!" Cordy looked up proudly and realized that she was getting more than one odd look. "What's everyone looking at? You all look like..Angel, didn' t you explain-no of course you didn't. Well clearly, if I want anything done right I have to do it myself.
***********
Twenty minutes later, Buffy found herself slightly calmer. Cordelia had made good on her promise to clear everything up. She still had that up front, no holds barred way about her. That was still the same. Her hair and clothes however, were not. The haircut was still trendy but it seemed like it was short merely to keep it out of her way. And while Cordelia's jeans were those fun potassium blasted boot-cut kind that looked great with her black high heeled boots and her v-neck white tee-shirt set off her fabulous tan, it was still Cordelia Chase in JEANS AND A TEE-SHIRT. Weirder though, was that it worked on her. She looked strong and comfortable.and capable. She had just simultaneously explained the past year and a half in the life of Angel Investigations, ordered pizza for the entire group, gotten everyone a drink, answered the phone three times, and shouted out wedding menu and location ideas to Xander-all while bouncing a baby on her hip. It was all a little much to take in. So much for coming to LA to see how LITTLE things had changed. There was Angel of course. He had quietly sat down like the rest of them while Cordelia took over. He looked as he always had. Those dark good looks and those wide shoulders still sent small shivers through her. His dark brown eyes still seemed to see so much. At the same time, he didn't look THE SAME. There were small differences. The half-smile on his face didn't seem as tense or awkward as it once had. He sat differently, more at ease, and she noticed him make the occasional comment under his breath to the man who sat next to him.Gunn she thought his name was. And there was a warmth in his eyes as he watched the whirlwind that was Cordelia. Why was that? Oh duh, cause she's holding Connor. His son. God, Angel has a son.
As Cordy finished the story and people starting arguing about the best pizza toppings, Angel wondered to himself why he hadn't told Buffy about Darla and Connor before. Why it was that his first urge upon seeing life he helped create hadn't been to call Buffy and tell her about it? And why wasn't this nicer, having her pop in like this? Seeing her, that should be a good thing, right? She's still beautiful, still an uncommon mix of strength and fragility. But that feeling that used to come whenever he looked at her, that wasn't there now. Years ago, in Sunnydale, Buffy had been the embodiment of everything he wasn't supposed to have. He always had felt that overpowering sense of WANT when he saw her, like he was constantly reaching for something that dangled just inches away from his grasp. He would see her and always want to be closer; it never seemed as if he could get close enough. It wasn't like that now.
He looked at Cordy as she let Connor grab on to her index finger while she kidded to Willow about her sexier new look. It wasn't like that with Cordy either. He never got that yearning to be closer. He HAD yearnings for Cordy, lots and lots of yearnings, but not like that. He never felt like Cordy was just out of his grasp. I mean, certain things with Cordy are out of my grasp RIGHT NOW, but that could change and even if it doesn't, she 's still there, reachable. But Cordelia never left him wanting more. She would roll those eyes of hers at him and he felt like he couldn't possibly be any closer to a human being. Over the years, Cordy's walls, when it came to him at least, had come down. Her openness, her willingness to expose that vulnerability to him, was the greatest act of trust, of faith, he had ever witnessed.
Cordelia, despite the fact that she looked totally into a mock fight with Wes and Xander about prom, was very aware of the subtle tension that floated around the room. You don't need to be a Seer to figure out the tension is coming from Broody and Blondie. Arhhh. Already, Angel seemed quieter.the descent into a full-on Buffy Brood-fest had begun. Cordelia nodded at some comment Wes made about how she had thrown herself at him while she actively decided that Buffy and Angel weren't going to be something she could ignore, something she could hope would just go away. It would never go away. Angel would always love her. Anyone else-even amusing, loyal and incredibly stylish seers-anyone else would just be a substitute. Okay, so I can accept that clearly I don't play a part in the Angel and Buffy Story. I just need to put away these icky lovey feelings I've been having. Did I just say lovey? I mean lusty, it's purely a physical thing. It's not like I love Angel. I don't. My epiphany, that was just about WANTING him.. He just makes me horny, it's not like he makes me feel safe.or important.or.happy. Cordelia figured everyone had had just about enough of those looks the star-crossed lovers kept shooting each other, and even though it killed some small part of her to do it, she was clearly going to have to give the two a hand. Oh, yeah, just call me Cupid.
"So, the pizza won't be here for a little while. Fred, why don't you show Xander and Willow and Dawn to some rooms so they can get their stuff put away. Gunn and Wesley, I know how much you want to come help me clean up the kitchen. And Angel," Cordy said, turning toward him and handing him the baby, "I bet Buffy would love to see the gardens." And she walked into the kitchen; not waiting for any particular response, confident as always that her wishes would be obeyed.
***********
The night air was cool and comforting. At Cordy's suggestion (if it could be called that) Buffy and Angel and Connor had come outside to the garden. Fred had spent a great deal of time out there and the hard work had paid off. Even in the moonlight, it was fragrant and beautiful. For a minute, neither of them made any effort to talk.
"I guess you have lots of questions," Angel ventured. He didn't turn to look at her, instead keeping his eyes on his son, who was sucking greedily on a pacifier.
Buffy didn't look at him either. For the second time today she was finding her shoes very intriguing. "Not really. Cordelia, she pretty much covered everything. I guess, it's just that-"
"You're shocked. You have every right to be."
"Well, yes, cause Darla not staying dead and you having this big hotel and a real company and enemies that I haven't helped you fight and then you and Darla with the sex and you having this big epiphany and then some vampire hunter comes with his Van Helsing action and you're doing the single dad thing and well, yeah, it is slightly shocking. Especially-".
"Especially finding out all that stuff all at once," Angel said, nodding his head.
"I was going to say, especially the part where Cordelia's hair is short.and BLOND."
Connor seemed to think Cordelia's name was license to start babbling and some of the tension was relieved as he mumbled in his own little language and grabbed at Angel's nose.
"He's cute," Buffy offered. Angel smiled at that. Buffy didn't really know how she felt about the baby. She wasn't overwhelmed with the need to hold him and she wasn't telling herself that the baby should have been hers. It' s not like she resented the baby, she was just disconcerted by it. Cause it was disconcerting when your ex-boyfriend who couldn't go out in the sun and liked to drink blood was brushing kisses on a baby dressed in a onesie with a giant yellow duck on it. "He kinda looks like you." Angel smiled even more at that. "He doesn't, however, seem to have inherited your sense of style. Where's the black outfit with the matching black booties?"
Angel was glad Buffy seemed okay enough to joke about the baby. "Cordelia says no leather until he turns one-although between you and me, I've already had a jacket ordered from Baby Gap." Buffy laughed and finally felt comfortable enough to reach out her hand and brush her fingertips over Connor's forehead. "And as for the ducks, I'll have you know that Cordy says he's supposed to wear bright colors, because he's a summer." Angel noted that Buffy's smile seemed to shrink and she pulled her hand back from the baby. "I'm an autumn," he said, trying to bring back the lighthearted mood. "At least that's what Cordy says."
"Cordy sure seems to say a lot of stuff."
Buffy looked like she wanted to say more and the look made Angel think he probably didn't want to hear it. He knew the two girls had never been the best of friends, but he really didn't want to hear Buffy talk about Cordelia. He tried to change the subject. "Not that you need a reason or anything, but I've been wondering why you're here. Why now?"
Buffy seemed to tense up but her voice was even when she responded. "There WAS no particular reason. I wanted to see a familiar face. I wanted to see your face. I missed you, you know. I might even have missed Cordelia-who, by the way, is so not a familiar face right now."
Angel cringed inside. So the whole subject change thing was clearly not going to happen. Isn't it just a little odd that she's not bothered by the fact that I am holding a child who by all rights shouldn't exist and yet she clearly has problems with just the idea of Cordelia.
"I mean, her whole Soccer-mom act, that's new."
Angel clenched his teeth and tried to sound as if the comment hadn't bothered him. "It's not an act Buffy. She's taken on a lot of responsibility. She's made a lot of sacrifices that she shouldn't have had to make. Cordy, she's-"
"And when exactly, did she become Cordy?"
Angel knew he wasn't imagining the bite in Buffy's tone but he didn't know how to respond to it. "Well, it's been three years."
"Sorry, it's just a little hard to imagine her all nurturing. I mean, I can totally picture her wigging out over getting baby drool on her clothes."
"Oh she's fine with the baby drool. Now demon slime, she still has issues with that."
"So she whines a lot, does she?" Buffy was really looking for something bad about Cordelia. Actually, she was looking for Angel to say something bad about her.
"Oh no, she just quietly puts her dry cleaning bills on the company credit card." Angel didn't know where this conversation was going but he didn't like it. If Buffy thought he was going to join her in this weird need to criticize his best friend, she was wrong.
Luckily, before Buffy could say anything else, Willow popped her head out the door and announced that the pizza was there.
Part 5: Wait for the Midnight Hour
It was a little after midnight Angel noted. It was a very sad day when a vampire was exhausted before the night had really started. But most vampires don’t have to deal with teething babies and houseguests. Connor wouldn’t go down, which was understandable cause hey, teething, that had to hurt. Angel had tried all the suggestions in the baby book and so far had only seemed to make Connor crankier. Angel was actually feeling a little cranky himself.
Dinner hadn’t exactly been fun. It was exactly like one of those scenes from a movie, where everyone is uncomfortable and everyone knows that everyone else is uncomfortable and there is nothing they can do about it. Buffy had been quiet and Angel didn’t know if that was shock or what. Wes harassed poor Dawn with questions about her origin until he finally realized he was pissing her off—he spent the rest of the meal quietly whispering to Fred and making notes on a paper napkin. Angel thought Gunn might have been a little upset at the sudden Wes and Fred chumminess but Gunn apparently didn’t notice. Probably since he had been too busy hating Xander. Xander and Cordy had bickered for most of the meal, and it was hard to tell if they were kidding or not. Twice Angel had to kick Gunn under the table to keep him from lunging at Xander (once because he asked Cordy if her breasts were real cause he “wasn’t sure they had felt real that time in the closet”, and again when Gunn caught Xander looking at the aforementioned breasts). In between bouts with Xander, Cordelia and Willow made awkward small talk.
Angel didn’t really know what to think. He knew that Cordy was always a little outside of the group, but he hadn’t been aware of the whole weird dynamic. When he was in Sunnydale he was too focused on Buffy to pay much attention to Scooby interaction and in LA there was pretty much a silent agreement to forgo discussions of time spent on the Hellmouth. It was just a little sad, that these were her closest friends from high school. These were the people she kept pictures of on her refrigerator. She had to know that there were no pictures of her stuck to Buffy’s fridge with a magnet shaped like a giant pair of lips. Angel frowned at that. Cordy deserved better.
“Special delivery for Mister Fussy Vampire Spawn,” Cordelia said as she opened the door and walked in. She didn’t bother to knock and once again, Angel was more pleased by that than annoyed. “Let’s see I’ve got some yummy pacifiers, straight out of the freezer and…oh some ice chips and if that doesn’t work…um…I’ll sing “Somewhere out there” until he realizes that sleep is the only escape.” Cordelia shrugged and hopped on the bed next to Angel. She was silent for a moment, but both parties knew that couldn’t last long. “So why were you frowning when I came in?”
“Could it have anything to do with the fact that my child is in pain and I can’t help and all I want to do is lie down and sleep for the next…ever?”
“First of all, you are talking more and more like me everyday and I have to tell you, I am very flattered. Second, you could have been frowning about all that stuff but you weren’t.”
“You don’t look so perky yourself right now,” Angel commented.
“They don’t like me,” Cordelia responded with a shrug of her shoulders. “And I would have once said it didn’t bother me even though it did bother me, even then. And it doesn’t bother me A LOT now, but it does bother me.”
“Cordy, of course they like you.” Cordy gave him that look; the “are you crazy” look and Angel realized this was the wrong tactic to take. He knew, after the incident with Angelus, that Cordelia preferred honesty to politeness. “Okay, so they aren’t your biggest fans. But who cares?”
“I just told you. I care.”
“Why? I mean, you have friends, friends who adore you and would do anything for you. How Buffy and her friends feel about you shouldn’t be so important.”
Cordelia sighed. He doesn’t understand. “Angel, I totally agree with you, IN THEORY. But the Scoobies, they are important. I mean, hello, we wouldn’t be together today if it weren’t for them.” Oh shit, please don’t let that sound like I meant we were together together. “Besides that, their opinions do matter. You know that. Unless you’re trying to tell me you don’t care what Buffy thinks.” Angel didn’t disagree right away and Cordy was about to continue when he finally spoke.
“You don’t need to try and impress them. If they can’t see all the wonderful things I see when I look at you, then….”
“Then… what?” Cordy said. Did he really just say that? What wonderful things does he see? How come he never tells me the nice stuff? “Then…you’ll beat them all up?” she asked with a smirk.
“Well, I won’t beat all of them up. How about we just let Gunn have a go at Xander?” The baby was quieter now and Angel didn’t think it was wrong to attribute a little of that to Cordelia’s presence. That’s what she did, to both men—she swept in and started making them feel better without them even noticing. “Connor’s settling down now.”
“Not for long. I give it two or three hours before he’s up howling again. You’d think his father was a werewolf.” Cordelia caught Angel’s eye and made a face. “Okay, I just got the grossest mental picture of Darla with Oz.” She shook off the icky-ness while Angel put Connor down in his crib. It didn’t matter what he was doing, anytime that man moved he was sexy. How someone so big and strong could move so quietly was beyond her. Ooops, Danger Will Robinson! Shake off those kinds of thoughts. Angel sat down again on the bed and the two found themselves lying on their sides facing each other.
It was odd the difference one tiny baby could make. Without Connor’s presence in the bed everything seemed different, scarier. Cordy bit her lip to hold herself back from doing what she really wanted to do cause what she really wanted to do involved lunging at Angel and no good could come of that. She had learned to take rejection from directors, she had learned to take rejection from the stupid Scoobies, but she’d be damned if she got rejected by her best friend. And the only way to avoid that was to avoid offering him certain things to reject. You so need to get out of here Cordy.
“I should be getting home.” She looked at Angel, who only gave a slight nod. “It’s getting late and knowing Buffy there will be some sort of apocalypse tomorrow and if the world’s going to end, I definitely want my beauty sleep.” Angel still didn’t talk. He gave a half-smile and just kept staring at her with those eyes of his. She wondered what he saw.
Cordy looked down and then back at Angel. “Yeah,” she said softly, “so I should…go.” Angel didn’t speak or move. Say something damn it! Say “okay see you later” or “don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out” or grab me and say “I’m not letting you leave this bedroom until I’ve found erogenous zones you didn’t even know you had.” Angel didn’t of course say any of those things and Cordelia realized she would have to get up. She let out a soft sigh that she didn’t realize he heard and had moved maybe half an inch when a hand on her thigh stilled her.
“Stay.” He didn’t growl it or beg it—he wasn’t even really asking it, he just said it, like it was a fact. Cordy’s eyes widened involuntarily and that must have scared him a little because he removed the hand from her thigh (No, you can keep that there she thought) and he said, “I, I mean you should stay. For Connor.”
“Connor’s asleep,” Cordelia said, but she had a tiny smile on her face that made Angel confident. The hand that had been on her thigh moved to her shoulders. He began rubbing and kneading the tension out.
“Sure he’s asleep now. But you yourself said that wouldn’t last long. How can you abandon us now?”
“I…,” Cordy trailed off. She couldn’t talk, she could barely breath. Angel knew just where to touch. Oh Jesus! “Fine, I’m staying. You don’t have to bribe me with backrubs,” she said, more harshly than intended. Well, one of us has to be sensible. Cordelia turned over onto her other side, so that Angel now faced her back. He didn’t move, but all of the sudden Cordelia swore that she heard another soft disappointed little sigh, and this time it hadn’t come from her. In that moment Cordelia didn’t know what to do. She didn’t have a clue what was going on here. It almost seems like…he likes me. No, that can’t be. Besides, even if he does sorta like me, it’s not like love, it’s not like how he feels about Buffy. Which so makes anything between us just so completely doomed. Cause ultimately, it would be just like Xander, where I am constantly reminded that I run a far second to the Slayer.
She didn’t want to hurt his feelings but she didn’t know what he was wanting to happen and she was worried they were playing with fire and she really didn’t want to be the one that got burned. She shut her eyes tightly and heard another little sigh. With that sound, Cordelia decided that she was sick of being the smart one. If Angel didn’t have to be sensible, than why should she? She didn’t do anything crazy like rip off her clothes and jump his creature of the night ass. Nope, she wasn’t going to be the smart one but that didn’t mean she was the crazy one either. Instead, she just reached behind her, grabbed Angel’s hand, pulled his arm down over her, and yanked his body closer. Ha! I’m being spooned by Angel and it’s probably a horrible idea but I’m not going to think about the stupid consequences, cause I’ve had a really hard day and dammit, I deserve this. Angel gave her a little squeeze and let out another sigh, but it was different than the other two—it sounded content. And Cordelia, glad to know that she was neither smart nor crazy but rather a combination of them both, fell asleep.
Part 6: Amateur Detective
Skulking around cemeteries for the better part of six years should mean that you don’t get spooked easily. But Buffy was. Spooked that is. It was three in the morning and she was in the Hyperion lobby and it was dark and she was alone and the place was really big and hell, it looked haunted during the DAYTIME so yeah, she was a little spooked. She knew she should be asleep in the room she was sharing with Dawn, but the whole sleep thing just wasn’t working for her. The baby had been crying in the room down the hall for the past ten minutes and she was in a strange bed and…Okay, a small, very twisted part of me misses Spike. It was weird, cause it wasn’t like she was horny and she missed sex with Spike (all though she wouldn’t turn it down right now if it was offered). I just miss HIM. Talking to him, knocking him around a little. It was very disturbing to realize just how large a part of her life Spike had become. How not a day went by without seeing him. Oh lord, I came here to forget about Spike, not wander around thinking about him. Buffy decided to do some subtle snooping, for distraction.
She walked over to where the desks were and saw a picture of her in a silver frame. It was one with Xander and Willow when they were at the Bronze—it looked like senior year of high school. Angel has a picture of me on his desk. That has to mean something right? The thought warmed her for a second, until she realized that she didn’t remember posing for Angel. In fact the idea of Angel walking around Sunnydale with a camera seemed a little ridiculous. So then… Buffy looked down at the desk the picture rested on. The presence of a bottle of perfume and a computer meant that the picture and the desk weren’t Angel’s, they were Cordelia’s. Buffy really didn’t want to think about why Cordy had pictures of the Scoobies on her desk. Didn’t she hate all of us?
Even the desk spoke of how much Cordelia had changed. There was a Parents magazine tucked in between Cosmos. There was a schedule for a Mommy and Me swim class lying on the chair. It was very disconcerting, so Buffy walked over to the other desk.
This was Angel’s. It was relatively bare. There was a pad of paper, a few pens, and a book of short stories by Edgar Allen Poe. Ahhh, that’s my stuffy 250-year-old boyfriend. But looking closer, Buffy saw other things. There was a Sony Discman that had a piece of tape that said GUNN on it. There was a bottle of OPI nail polish in “chick flick cherry” that Buffy prayed was Cordelia’s. It was sitting on top of a post-it from Wes, saying that Angel still owed him for those Laker tickets. And the calendar on the right hand corner of the desk had “Fred’s B-day” written on it, with a red circle around the date.
It was so strange, seeing that other people existed for Angel now; once she was his entire world. Buffy looked around the empty room, to make sure no one was coming, and then opened the top desk drawer. There wasn’t much in there. There was a musty smelling book an ancient demon rituals. An invoice. Two pacifiers. And a piece of paper, no it was a picture, lying face down. Buffy picked it up and turned it over and stopped breathing.
It was of Angel and Cordelia with Connor. Neither of them had been looking at the camera—they clearly hadn’t known they were having their picture taken. Cordelia was sitting on the couch in what must be her apartment. Her hair was longer and less blond—put up in a messy ponytail—and the red sweatshirt she wore had a stain on the upper right corner. The baby was asleep in her arms with this peaceful blissed out expression on his face. Angel was crouching on his knees behind the couch. One arm was around Cordy’s shoulder while the other reached toward Connor. Cordelia’s head was arched back and she was shooting a huge smile at Angel. Angel was also smiling, a small secret smile, as he looked down, tilting his head toward her.
Buffy didn’t know what this picture meant. She didn’t like the things that it could mean. She didn’t like that Angel kept the picture in his drawer. Maybe, maybe he doesn’t have that many pictures of Connor. Maybe this is the only picture he has and Cordelia just happens to be in it. Why couldn’t the guy just have taken his son to the portrait studio at Sears, if he was so hard up for pictures? Buffy acknowledged that reason and rationality were clearing running scarce, then she did something even more irrational. She stuffed the picture into her back pocket. She didn’t know why but she couldn’t stop herself from doing it.
“Buffy.”
It was Angel’s voice. Wasn’t she supposed to be able to sense when vampires were approaching? She quickly turned her head towards the sound of his voice. He was slowly coming out of the shadows with a wiggling Connor in his arms. “What are you doing up so late?” he asked as he walked over to the kitchen.
“Three in the morning really isn’t all that late,” Buffy said as she followed him into the kitchen and watched him take a frozen pacifier out of the fridge.
“Well I don’t know if I agree with you, but Connor certainly does.”
“I should be more tired, I guess. It’s hard to relax and go to sleep if I haven’t patrolled.”
Angel didn’t say anything and for a minute Buffy just watched him with the baby. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that. “It’s weird,” she commented. “I mean, it’s not bad weird, but it is different, to see you with him, like that. Makes me wonder what happened to my brooding tai-chi-doing boyfriend.”
Angel’s hand stilled on Connor’s back when he noted that Buffy had used the word boyfriend and it had a disturbingly “present tense” feel to it. Buffy didn’t notice it, but she did notice how Angel kept looking around the hotel nervously. “Angel, it’s okay, I understand exactly how you feel, because I feel it too,” she said soothingly, hoping to make him less nervous. Angel merely shot a confused look in her direction so Buffy went on. “Being together again, its bound to be a little strange. All those old feelings coming rushing back again, it’s bound to be a little…disconcerting.”
Angel was definitely disconcerted. What the hell is Buffy talking about? And since when am I still her boyfriend? Angel wasn’t nervous because he was alone with Buffy. He was nervous because if he didn’t head back upstairs soon, Cordy would start to wonder what had happened and then she would come downstairs and…We have a hard enough time justifying it to ourselves when Cordelia spends the night, I doubt trying to make Buffy understand would make it any easier.
“Buffy, look, I—”. There was a sudden noise and Angel and Buffy both turned to see Cordelia quietly walking down the stairs. She stopped when she caught both pairs of eyes on her.
Cordelia immediately noted the suspicious way Buffy’s eyes roamed over her and inwardly cringed. Why did I get out of bed? Why? She looked at Angel and saw the whole “deer caught in the headlights” thing he had going and this time she gritted her teeth. So, he must REALLY not want Buffy to know that Cordelia had been upstairs with him. Oh, cause the idea of me and Angel in bed together, that’s what, like too horrific to contemplate? Okay, fine. I’ll rescue him. Don’t want to cause any problems for the star-crossed lovers, now would I?
Cordelia called on the inner soap-opera-star. “Wow, I didn’t think it would be so crowded down here at almost four in the morning. I, uh, fell asleep in Fred’s room. We stayed up late doing that thing where girls just lay there and talk, you know—”
“Girl talk?” Buffy offered.
“Yeah, exactly. So I must have fallen asleep. And then I just woke up cause I was, um, thirsty, so I called out to Dennis to bring me a glass of water and that’s when I realized that I wasn’t at home.” Nice job, Cordy. I threw in a few extra details, did the whole ‘I’m confused cause I just woke up thing.’ Man, I so deserve an Emmy. Or at least a People’s Choice Award. “So,” she said glaring at Angel, “I’ll just get my purse and be on my way.” No one spoke again until she reached the bottom of the stairs.
“Wow Cordy,” Buffy said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this way before. All messy…and tired looking.” Cordelia bit back a retort and walked over to her desk. But Buffy wasn’t going to let this one go. “Seriously Angel, look at her. Does Cordelia remind you at all of the fashionista she was in high school?”
Cordelia waited a split second for Angel to put the baby down and knock Buffy the fuck out, but then she remembered that would only happen in a perfect world. The world she lived in: clearly not perfect, since Angel apparently didn’t feel the need to defend her at all.
Angel noted the way Cordelia had flinched at Buffy’s words. He was angry that his seer was hurting and he was confused as to why Buffy was saying those things. But most of all, he didn’t know what to say. Who to support. Finally he just quietly said, “She’s nothing like she was then.” Cordelia bit her lip and shook her head slightly. It was nice, but a thinly veiled compliment that Buffy wouldn’t understand at all was not the kind of back up Cordelia had been looking for.
“I know Angel,” Buffy agreed. “I don’t think the old Cordelia even owned a sweatshirt. I guess someone finally found the softer side of Sears herself.”
Cordelia guessed that somewhere, deep down, she probably deserved a comment like that. After all she had never been a saint, even now. But it still hurt. She hated that Buffy made her feel ashamed of who she had been AND who she was now. She hated being put down in front of her best friend and getting no visible reaction. In that moment, Cordelia hated Buffy and Angel. Just get out of here. No good can come from prolonging this. Just leave.
“Well, as fun as this is, it’s late. I’ll see you three tomorrow.” Cordy shot a final glare at Angel, yanked open the door, and walked out…only to immediately walk back in backwards.
“Are you coming or going Cordelia, make up your mind,” Buffy said, before she saw the reason Cordy had walked back inside. There, in the door of the Hyperion, in the middle of L.A., where Buffy had fled to get away from Spike, was…Spike. She froze.
Angel however, reacted immediately. He grabbed Cordelia, yanked her behind him, thrust her the baby, and put on his game face, all in about three seconds.
Buffy shook off the shock and went to stand in front of Spike. “What the hell are you doing here?” she yelled. Angel turned to look at Buffy. The way she yelled at Spike, that’s not how you yelled at your enemy. That’s how you yell at exasperating, frustrating people that you happen to almost love. Angel knew, cause that’s how he yelled at Cordy.
“Wait, so you’re the one who leaves town, lies about where you’re going, and I’M the one who is getting screamed at,” Spike said.
“It’s none of your business where I go and who I go to see.”
“Clearly you were concerned about what I’d think, otherwise why’d you go and lie about it,” Spike shot back. “Why did you think you couldn’t tell me that you’d come here, to see him,” he sneered, gesturing to Angel. Angel growled lowly, but didn’t speak.
“I didn’t tell you cause I knew you’d show up here. And I don’t want you here. I don’t want you anywhere near me.”
“Oh really,” Spike drawled reaching for his cigarettes. “That’s not what you sa—”
“Hey, sorry to interrupt,” Cordy said stepping out from behind Angel before he could stop her. “Not to interfere with the whole lovers quarrel your doing but smoking is like such a big no-no here. You know, with the baby and all.” Spike didn’t seem to pick up on the baby reference but he did put the cigarettes away before turning back to Buffy.
“Listen love.”
“Don’t call me that. Why are you here, why did you come here?” Buffy said angrily.
Angel decided the time had come to speak up. He didn’t know what was going on between Buffy and Spike and he didn’t want to. He just wanted Spike out and Cordelia and Connor back upstairs in his bed. “Spike, I for one don’t care why you are here. I just want you gone.”
“Ahhh, I’m wounded. This is how you are greeting family these days.” Trying to lesson the tension, Spike turned to Cordelia. “Cheerleader. Like the new look. It says ‘I’m casual, yet still cuddly’.” Cordelia smiled before she could stop herself and Angel growled again, this time loud enough for everyone to hear. “Oh chill, ya giant poof. Didn’t the Scoobs tell you? I’m chipped. Can’t harm the walking Happy Meals. I fight the evil now, you know, all the stuff that goes bump in the night? I’m on your team now. Ask Buffy.”
“I don’t need to ask Buffy anything. I know that I want you out of here and away from my family. Chip or no chip, I don’t trust you.”
For some reason, Buffy was slightly annoyed with Angel’s tone. I mean, I don’t want Spike here either, but I should handle throwing him out. And Angel didn’t have to be so mean. She was also slightly annoyed at the vague flirtation Spike had thrown towards Cordelia. “Spike, we’ll talk about this when we get back to Sunnydale. You should go home now.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re trying to do by coming here Slayer. I know you.”
“No. You don’t. You don’t know me at all.”
“I’m not leaving until we talk about this.”
“I am so not talking to you now Spike.”
“Fine. Than Angel, I’d like a room for the weekend. Smoking of course, preferably a queen sized bed.”
“You’re not staying here,” Angel and Buffy said at the exact same time. The two of them and Spike now stood very close together right in front of the door. All of the sudden, Angel’s head shot up. Cause if he wasn’t mistaken, he smelled something on Buffy and he smelled the same thing on Spike. Sex. They were having sex. Presumably with each other. Angel tried to process this while Spike and Buffy had a staring contest, until, finally, a voice of reason was heard.
“Oh that’s it. It’s four in the morning. I’m tired. I want to go home. I can’t go home knowing that Connor is going to have to listen to you three fight all night. So here’s what’s going to happen. Spike, you can’t stay here. You tortured Angel the last time you came to town. Your record with us is not good. However, since daylight is fast approaching, I’m going to be a total idiot and let you come stay with me.”
“Spike is not staying with you,” Angel said, putting his hands on Cordelia’s shoulders.
“You are not staying with Cordelia,” Buffy said, grabbing Spike by the collar.
Cordy ignored the large vampire in front of her and quirked her eyebrow at Spike. “Well, it’s up to you.”
Spike detangled Buffy’s fingers from his shirt and nodded. He didn’t know why the chit was being so…nice. Not just the fact that she was being nice to him, but the fact that she was being nice at all. He remembered her being somewhat…less nice. “Thanks for the hospitality cheerleader.”
The fact that Cordelia had invited Spike for a sleepover and the fact that Spike had accepted seemingly shocked Angel and Buffy into a stupor. They stood there silently as Cordy handed Connor to Angel and Spike picked her purse off the floor and carried it for her. When they reached the door, Spike mumbled “So, the baby. I gather that’s not a late night snack, is it?” Cordy just shook her head tiredly, saying, “I’ll explain later.” And then they were gone.
Angel and Buffy continued to silently stare at the door for several minutes. Finally Angel said, “He better not hurt her.”
Buffy sighed and walked toward the stairs. “He won’t hurt her. He can’t.”
“Buffy, if he does hurt her, I will have to kill him. You know that, right?” Buffy simply nodded and walked upstairs.
Part 7: Just Peachy
When Cordelia woke up, it was noon. Sunlight streamed through the shades on her window, but that wasn’t what had roused her from sleep. Spike was talking to someone in the living room. She got out of bed and moved closer to the door, trying to figure out who else was in her apartment.
“No, evil Charity, don’t kill lil’ Timmy,” she heard Spike yell and giggled quietly to herself, realizing he was talking to the television. Poor Dennis, he hates “Passions”. Confident that she didn’t have any uninvited guests, Cordy shrugged out of the t-shirt she had slept in and jumped in the shower.
How odd is it that I hear Spike yelling at a soap opera outside my bedroom and I am totally cool with it? It’s so weird. Me and Spike. I think we might be becoming friends. Lord. She and Spike had gotten along rather well since leaving the Hyperion in the early morning hours. How weird had that been? Cordelia still had no idea exactly why she had even offered Spike a place to stay. Her experiences with him hadn’t been altogether pleasant. And yet last night, his presence had been nice; comforting even. She had made fun of the De Soto, Spike made the appropriate shocked noises as Cordelia told the story of Darla’s return and demise. He accepted Connor’s presence with a typically Spike attitude, remarkably blasé considering the circumstances. By the time they reached her apartment, she was too tired to do much more than introduce him to Dennis and toss a pillow on the couch for him.
In the living room, Spike heard the shower come on and realized Cordelia was up. She seemed like a totally different person than the girl he had known—oops, strike that, the girl he hadn’t really known at all back in Sunnydale. She had taken him home with her, gave him all the gossip in between yawns, and even offered to heat up a cup of blood for him. Why a 21-year-old girl has pig’s blood in her fridge is beyond me. Looking around the living room with a more detailed eye, Spike noticed a few other things that seemed out of place in a young single girl’s apartment. There was a collapsible bassinet lying against the wall near the door. He had come across tons of books last night on raising babies (along with a surprisingly enjoyable collection of trashy romance novels). Plus, there were pictures everywhere. A number of Wesley and Gunn, one or two from the Hellmouth, but most of them were of Connor. Actually most of them were Angel and Connor. “Christ, Peaches is all over this apartment,” Spike mumbled to himself.
Right then Cordy walked out of her bedroom in a short white terrycloth robe, toweling off her hair. “You even smell like him,” Spike said.
“I smell like who?” Cordelia asked.
“Peaches.”
“Excuse me, I don’t use some 99 cent Suave-like fruity shampoo. This is Bumble and Bumble my friend. It is an intense conditioning and moisturizing formula with extracts from all sorts of stuff, none of which are peaches.”
“Not peaches the fruit. Peaches. As in Angel…the fruit,” Spike said, smirking.
For some reason, the comment threw Cordelia. She didn’t smell Angel on herself. She would know if she smelled like Angel. Smelling like Angel, would that be a good thing or a bad thing?
“You don’t know whether to deny it or be proud of it.”
“Shut up Spike. I don’t know what you are talking about. I don’t smell like peaches or like Angel. I just took a shower. I smell like Irish Spring.”
“No you smell like a certain Irish man.”
Cordelia huffed and gave up, walking into the kitchen to start coffee. Spike wasn’t going to let her win this one so it was better to just quit fighting. She knew. He was acting just like her.
“Cheerleader, I’ll take you up on that offer of blood now,” Spike said following her into the kitchen.
As she tossed a bag of blood into the microwave with a shocking degree of unconcern, Spike added, “And then we can sit down and have a nice long talk about you and my grand-sire.”
“What about us?” Cordelia asked, not looking up from the coffeemaker.
“The fact that you two are an ‘us’. You like him. No, don’t try to deny it. I’m not blind you know. Not like I’d need to be Sherlock bloody Holmes to figure it out. You’re the kind of chit who can’t hide what she feels. Not really.”
Cordelia was startled to hear the words that came out of Spike’s mouth. He’d been in town for like a total of ten minutes and he knew. Great, if I’m that obvious, I’m screwed, everyone must know by now. Okay, Cordy, play it cool. Maybe you can convince him that he’s wrong. “Please Spike. Angel and I, we’re just friends.”
“You’re not the first woman to tell me she and Angel were just friends. That was laughable the first time I heard it but it’s sounds even more ridiculous now.”
“Ughhh,” Cordy moaned as she handed Spike a cup of blood. “What’s ridiculous is the idea of me and Angel. It’s, it’s…inconceivable. It’s as crazy as saying you’re in love with the Slayer.” When she didn’t get a response, Cordelia looked up from putting Equal in her coffee. Spike appeared to be having a lot of trouble swallowing his mouthful of blood. And if it was possible, he seemed to have gone even paler. “Oh my god. That’s it, isn’t it? That’s why you are here. Cause, cause you…” Cordelia trailed off. She never finished the sentence. She saw that look on his face, that pained, awful look. She wouldn’t go there.
Sensing she wasn’t going to finish that sentence, Spike opened his eyes and looked at the woman in front of him. She took a sip of her coffee but her eyes never left his, and in them, he saw something. It wasn’t pity. Understanding maybe? In that moment, in the silence, the two seemed to reach an unspoken agreement. Things were communicated, things neither felt like talking about out loud, ever. It was very poignant, until Cordelia’s stomach growled. Loudly.
“Well,” Cordy said. “Since all I have in my fridge is a three-year-old Lean Cuisine and I am really not a fan of the pig’s blood, we better head over to the hotel.”
Part 8: Training Days
By the time they got to the Hyperion it was after one and Cordelia’s stomach was playing a symphony of some sorts. When they walked in the door, the scene was as expected. Gunn stood crouching next to the playpen, trying to get Connor to grip a mini-basketball, with a little cheerleading from Dawn. Wes and Fred were hunched over humungous books in Wesley’s office. Xander and Willow were sitting on the round couch in the middle of the lobby, looking uncomfortable. And Angel and Buffy were nowhere to be seen.
Everyone seemed to notice the new arrivals at the same time and there was a hushed silence.
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic,” Cordelia said as she brushed off the confusion and walked over to the playpen, waving at Spike to follow her. “Spike, you know Willow and Xander…and Dawn,” Cordy said as Dawn ran to Spike and gave him a warm hug, much to the consternation of everyone else in the room.
“Sorry I lied to you. Buffy made me,” Dawn whispered in Spike’s ear.
“No worries niblet I know you were just following the Slayer’s orders,” Spike told her with a smile.
“Ohhhh-kay. So you two are best friends now? Allright, I can accept that. No weirder than anything else around here,” Cordy announced. “Anyway, Spike, I know you remember Wesley, and that just leaves Gunn and Fred.” Cordelia turned to the two people she had just named. “Yes, before you ask, he is a vampire Fred, and no, Gunn, before you ask, you can’t stake him.”
Fred came forward, with not a whit of shyness or hesitation. “Hey I’m Fred. I heard a little about you, and I came across your name in a couple of files.”
Spike turned to Cordelia. “You have files on me?”
“What can I say, you’re a legend,” Cordy responded wryly. She really wanted to finish this whole get to know you deal and find out where Angel was. Because I’m hungry. I can get Angel to cook for me. That’s why I want to know where he is. Not because I’m all jealous that he seems to have disappeared with Buffy, the love of his un-dead life.
Fred was still talking to Spike about the snitches of info she had on him. “Yeah, so, the way I figure it, that scar on Cordy’s stomach, that’s really your fault. Cause weren’t Xander and Willow doing a spell for you when Cordelia found them all—you know—and then she fell and hurt herself.” Fred was oblivious to the fact that Xander and Willow were turning incredible shades of red.
“Well that’s one way to look at it. Sorry bout that Cor,” Spike offered gamely.
Unlike Fred, Cordy wasn’t oblivious to the embarrassment Xander and Willow were suffering—she was relishing it. She waved off Spike’s apology. “Oh please, Spike, you might have done a little Scoob-napping but you didn’t force them to start rolling all over each other. You didn’t tell them it was mating season on the Hellmouth.” Cordy shot a glare over at the two in question, conveying a bitterness she really didn’t even feel anymore. This was just too good to pass up.
Xander didn’t say anything, but Willow stood up and was half way through a stuttering apology before Cordelia’s honorability got the better of her. “Willow, stop. Please. I was kidding. I’m way over that. No biggie. Got me over that whole crushing on Xander sickness. Hey, I should probably be thanking you.”
Willow didn’t say anything. Cordelia joking around? Cordelia missing an opportunity to make someone suffer? Cordelia reaching into the playpen and scooping up the baby and looking incredibly natural doing it? Was this like a sign of yet another apocalypse?
Cordelia brushed kisses over the baby’s downy head and moved closer to Spike. “And finally, this is the little guy you didn’t get introduced to last night.” She awkwardly positioned the baby in Spike’s arms as the rest of the room nervously looked on. After a couple of seconds of watching an almost fearful Spike rock the baby like the novice he was, Gunn asked if Cordy didn’t think Angel would object to this. “Please,” Cordy answered, “Angel lets a Pylean demon baby-sit. He buys diapers next door to the butcher shop he buys PIGS BLOOD from. He’s in no position to be so picky.” Though Cordy did stage whisper to Dawn “If you see him smoking anywhere near that child, stake him.” To which Dawn nodded with a giggle.
Finally, Cordelia couldn’t hold back from asking. She had been here nearly ten minutes. Still no Angel. Wasn’t he the tinsiest bit concerned about her? She had gone off into the night with Spike, who had spent years raping and pillaging, or whatever it was the Fabulous Four had done together. “Since Gunn’s here, I guess I better forget the idea of leftover pizza, huh. Well, where’s Angel? I could go for an omelet a la vampire.”
All Cordelia got was a roomful of people who refused to meet her eye. The gang from Sunnydale wasn’t looking because they were trying to imagine the idea of Angel as Emeril Lagasse. The Fang Gang, however, they seemed a little worried. “You guys? Hello? I asked where Angel is? Since it’s a little bright outside, I’m assuming he is in residence.”
“Well, yeah,” Fred finally answered. She wasn’t entirely sure why she thought telling Cordelia might be a bad idea, but judging from their hesitation, Wes and Gunn seemed to agree with her. “He’s here. He’s in the basement. I think he’s training…” Cordelia was already heading down the stairs. She didn’t catch the last part of what Fred mumbled. “With Buffy,” Fred trailed off. More awkward silence. It was becoming the theme of the day.
“So anyone else having a mental picture of Angel in an apron adding blood to stuff and yelling Bam!” Xander wondered. “What, it’s a valid question?”
***********
Angel stood near the stairs to the basement, watching Buffy run through a series of exercises with a sword. She was graceful, her motions exhibiting a fluid strength that seemed innate. He knew she preferred crossbows to swordplay, but he had no problem imagining her as a more than worthy opponent. They had been down here for more than an hour now. They worked as well together as they always had—their movements blended so well they seemed choreographed. She’d even given him a few tips on a new spin-kick move. And yet, for some reason, Angel was disappointed.
He had suggested her training with him as a way of getting her to open up. Regardless of what she said, he was positive Buffy had a real motive for coming to LA, other than simply missing him. She had missed him plenty before but that had never had her driving down the Pacific coast to see him. He figured a little time alone and she might allow herself to tell him what was wrong.
So far it wasn’t working. Angel didn’t know why. When he and Cordy were training, it was an extension of everything else they did. They both remained focused, but they talked. Even when it was just double entendres about weapons or Angel making fun of how Cordelia sweated and he didn’t; somehow so much more was communicated, in those quiet moments between lessons. Angel always emerged from the lessons feeling closer than ever to Cordelia. It wasn’t like that with Buffy.
There was no element of fun here. The air was charged differently. There had been a tenseness in each of their movements. With Cordy, the air is charged too, but not like this. Cordy and I get going and it’s like this weird electricity buzzing around the room, these sparks that I keep thinking I’ll see when we touch. It’s almost, it Is arousing. Today the air tastes differently. Like anger and fear and barely restrained violence.
“You ready for a little hand-to-hand combat,” Buffy asked. “I think we’ve played enough with weapons for the day. Besides…I’m much better…with my hands.”
That was the other thing that was a little off, Angel thought. Buffy had been saying things. Things that were pretty odd, considering their current relationship. And she’d also been bringing up random Sunnydale memories at the strangest moments. She’d talked about making out through her window the night she was grounded. She asked him if he remembered the song they danced to at her prom. That was three years ago!
Angel walked over to her, so they stood facing each other on the mat. Her hair was shorter now, but still soft and feminine. She had on black tank top and blue yoga pants, the outfit highlighting her small body’s muscled frame. She seemed so…small. Not that she had been big before. Angel didn’t know what it was. Buffy had an air of fragility. Despite his knowledge of her strength, she just seemed “breakable.” Maybe it’s all those months being down here with Cordy. All that glowing skin, those long sleek limbs, those curves… Always that urge, just barely contained, to reach out and grab, caress, taste. Buffy just gives me the urge to feed her. Stuff her full of comfort food until she seems more stable.
Angel had been having these thoughts while sparring with Buffy and now he paid for his distraction. She kicked him in the side so he was off balance, grabbed his arm and turned so that he was briefly facing her back. Then she flipped him. He hit the ground with an “Ummph” and was still. Funny how I don’t need to breathe but I can still get the wind knocked out of me. Suddenly Buffy was straddling him. Neither spoke. She was panting and her eyes, they looked so determined. She moved her hands to his chest. Though the thin cotton of his black tee shirt, he felt the burning heat of her body.
Buffy lowered her head slightly, a tiny movement but it seemed to speak volumes to Angel. He noticed the slight hitch in her breath, the way her fingers gripped his shirt. He mouth opened and she took a breath, like she was getting ready to say something important, but than they both heard feet bounding down the stairs and looked to the left, even though Angel didn’t need to. He knew who it was.
***********
I have no right to be mad. We use the basement to train. It’s not like some VIP, invitation only room. Anyone can train down here. Even barely covered way-too-toned looking blond slayers. Still, it was hard. Cordelia had practically run down the stairs, to her own chagrin, run down like a 12-year-old excited to see her crush, and had walked into a scene from a late-night Skinamax movie. The part immediately before the two leads ripped each other’s clothes off and had sweaty sex allover the floor. Ewww, don’t think like that, don’t think like that. Come on Cordy, pull it together.
So, while she could feel a painful vise grip her heart, all Cordy said was, “Wow, nice to see you two getting so much training done.” She added a raised eyebrow, hoping for a blasé, “you two crazy kids” attitude.
Buffy didn’t make any move to get off Angel. It was like a twisted repeat of the scene she and the Scoobies had walked in on the day before. Except Cordelia wasn’t enjoying this one nearly as much.
“Hey Cordy,” Angel said nervously. He looked at Buffy, waiting for her to climb off of him. He wanted her off of him. This had felt wrong before Cordelia came downstairs, now it felt worse. When Buffy missed the signals, Angel finally just removed her himself. He sprang up and dusted himself off, surreptitiously glancing at his Seer to gauge her reaction. She just nodded and tapped her foot on the floor. God she has cute toes. And that skirt. Does she wear that red skirt on purpose? She must know what the color does to men, even non-blood-sucking men.
“Did you want something Cordelia,” Buffy asked in a sickly-sweet voice. Buffy didn’t know why everyone was acting so funny. Cordelia looked like she had just swallowed a lemon and Angel looked apologetic, like he had been doing something wrong.
“I want so many things Buffy. Those shoes Sarah Jessica Parker wore in that last episode of ‘Sex in the City.’ A nice looking stock portfolio. A copy of ‘Say Anything’ on DVD.”
She seems jealous. Or like she’s trying to hide the fact that she’s jealous. No, she couldn’t be jealous. Not from seeing me with Buffy. I mean, for her to be jealous of that, she would have to…want me. Okay, so that’s not it. No matter the cause of her anger, Angel wanted it gone, SOON.
“As for right now,” Cordelia continued with a glare at Angel, “what I want is—”
“Right now you want lunch. Of course you do,” he said, soothingly. He walked over to the stairs and placed his hands on her shoulders. “You’re probably starving. It’s not like Spike cooks. And I bet Gunn ate all the leftover pizza.” Ahh, that got a glimpse of a smile. “Lets go get you some food,” he said. Then her turned her around and followed her upstairs. Neither glanced back at Buffy, who stood in the middle of the mat looking perplexed.
Angel got to the top of the stairs before he yelled down to ask if Buffy was coming. Am I coming? Am I coming? What just happened here? “In a minute,” she yelled back and the door shut. Alone now, Buffy looked around the room. She had been trying so hard. Trying to put Angel, and herself, in the mood. She had been so close. This, this just has to work. Angel is going to kiss me and everything will be okay again. I’ll stop licking my lips and missing the taste of Spike. I’ll stop. I’ll stop. Buffy looked down at her clenched hands and then at the punching bag in the corner. What the hell.
Part 9: Eureeka
Buffy came up stairs fifteen minutes later. She had broken the punching bag. Okay, so clearly I am having a few issues. Healthy aggression. That’s all. She felt better. She was back to being focused on the job at hand. Not that Angel is a job. Being with him, that’s not a job…is it? No, it’s just harder for us to find our, uh, groove. But it’s still there. It has to be. Assuring herself that all was once again right with the world, Buffy walked upstairs and opened the door…and the world was not as she expected.
Wes was walking around the lobby but never looking up from the book in his hand—he even handed Buffy a bottle of water, without even losing his place. He was clearly in high research mode. Fred and Dawn sat on the couch while Spike and Xander took turns holding Angel’s miracle child. Buffy wandered into the kitchen where Cordelia sat at the table, painting Willow’s nails. Willow had that shy look on her face, one that Buffy hadn’t seen in years. It was like she was in awe of the fact that Cordelia was consenting to talk to her. Buffy didn’t like that look.
Then there was Angel. The champion of the Powers that Be wasn’t sitting in a dark corner or polishing his antique weaponry. He was adding mushrooms and green peppers to a frying pan. He was making eggs. Alllll-right. So that part’s new. Buffy didn’t feel like commenting on the scene—she didn’t know who to address the comment to. So she just sat down at the table next to Willow. She listened as Cordelia told Willow about the long-term benefits of getting pedicures on a bi-monthly basis. She watched as Spike laughed, no he almost giggled, when Connor spit up on him. She heard Gunn and Wesley arguing in a friendly way in the doorway of Wes’s office. She took note of the way Cordelia would sneak icy glares in Angel’s direction and of the way he would bite his lip and look down when he intercepted those looks. Buffy silently took it all in and tried to control the growing dizziness that the scene around her evoked.
Angel was at a loss as to what to do. He could tell Cordelia wasn’t entirely happy with him. He might not be great at reading people, but he wasn’t blind. But I didn’t DO anything. She’s got no reason to be mad. Angel didn’t waste much time pondering that. He just wanted her happy again. Even if she wasn’t yelling at him or anything, the past twenty minutes had been awful. It made him realize just how much he depended on trading looks and smiles with his best friend. How Cordy’s attitude really could make or break his day. He needed her happy…so he could be happy.
“Cordy, you want a couple of pieces of toast with that. Your omelet’s almost done.” Angel offered up. She didn’t look up from Willow’s pinky, only shrugged and mumbled whatever.
“So what are you in the mood for? Wheat? Rye? We might have some white lying around here somewhere.”
“Angel don’t worry about it,” Cordelia said. She blew on Willow’s nails. “Just forget the toast. I need eggs, now. I’m getting all weak from starvation. I don’t have the strength to discuss bread with you.”
“Right, sure, of course,” Angel stuttered. How did she do this to him? She made him feel like a stumbling idiot. “So,” he said, sliding the omelet onto a plate and placing it in front of her, “think you feel like training later. I have a couple of moves I’d love to show you.”
Angel was walking to the refrigerator when Cordelia’s tone froze him in place. “Don’t you think you’ve gotten enough ‘training’ in today? I’m sure if you haven’t Buffy would be more than happy to… finish you off.”
Angel decided it would be in his best interest to shrug that one off. Change the subject. Don’t talk about food or training. “Spike didn’t try anything last night, did he?” Willow and Cordelia both noted how Buffy’s eyebrows shot up with that comment, but neither said anything.
“No. Of course not. Spike was the perfect guest. Luckily, he doesn’t mysteriously get peanut butter on the sheets, unlike SOME PEOPLE.”
“Dammit Cordelia, that wasn’t me, that was y—”
“Whatever. Anyway,” Cordy said, more to Willow than Angel now, “Spike and I had a great time. He’s so funny. It’s amazing that he’s been around for a hundred something years and he’s so up on pop culture. Certain people are centuries behind on what’s cool.” Cordelia knew she was being beyond catty now but she couldn’t stop herself. She was hurting and angry and she knew she had no right to be angry and that was just making her angrier. And there was only one person to reasonably take it out on. “And, lordie, that body. I love men with that tight chiseled look. He certainly didn’t put on any winter weight. Some vampires do you know. Put on a few pounds.”
“Interestingly enough Willow, vampires aren’t the only creatures that seem to be putting on weight this winter,” Angel bit out before he could stop himself. He heard the swift intake of breath, and in a move largely motivated by self-preservation, he turned to Buffy. “So, Buffy, do you have any plans for tonight?” Cordelia choked on her eggs.
“Oh she has plans. She has all kinds of plans,” Cordy mumbled so quietly that only a super-hearing vampire could have heard. Luckily there was one across the table from her. He merely glared in response.
Buffy had to focus for a second before she could answer her question. The things Cordelia had said about Spike, it’s just that, well, it was so rare to hear nice things about Spike. From someone besides Dawn that is. It gave Buffy the wiggins. Wait, Angel wants to do something with me. That’s right. One night with the love of my life and it will stop. I won’t feel so gooey when people say nice stuff about Spike. “Dawn and I have to stop by my dad’s later, but I’m free after that. What did you have in mind?” she asked as seductively as was possible.
“Lorne’s club is having it’s grand re-opening tonight. I think you’ll like the place,” Angel said.
“I’m sure I’ll love it. You know, it doesn’t matter what we do,” Buffy said, reaching for Angel’s hand, “as long as we’re alo—.”
“Great. Fred, Buffy and her friends are gonna come with us to Caritas tonight. Can you tell Lorne we’ll need a table large enough for everyone?”
“Everyone,” Buffy repeated shakily.
“I’m afraid I’ll have to pass,” Wes said re-emerging from his office with Gunn. “I’ve hit a roadblock on my research. Won’t be able to focus until I have that Eureeka moment.” Wes grabbed an apple before heading back to his office. “I’ll be more than happy to watch Connor for you,” he said before shutting the door.
“He actually says ‘Eureeka’,” Xander asked no one in particular.
“Okay, so everyone but Wes. It’s gonna be great,” Angel said.
“Yeah, great. Fabulous,” Cordelia huffed. “I get to watch you make goo-goo eyes all night. Oh, and if I’m really lucky you’ll make a total ass of yourself and decide to sing.” The words were barely out of her mouth before Angel’s hand clamped down on her wrist, with an intimidating grip. He didn’t say anything. He just started walking towards the stairs. Cordy had no choice but to follow him, it was that or be dragged.
***********
Neither of them spoke. Angel just went up the stairs and Cordelia didn’t offer any protest. She wasn’t stupid. She knew she had been behaving like a cranky adolescent. Angel had every right to be mad. She was actually a little grateful that he had chosen to go upstairs. There’s no way she wanted to have to kiss his ass in front of that group of people.
Angle pulled her into his room, finally letting go of her arm. He reached behind her and shut the door. The look on his face wasn’t unfamiliar, but it was rare that Cordelia ever saw it directed at her. It was anger. Anger bordering on rage. It was a look she had seen directed at Lilah, even a couple of times at Xander. Not at her though. Not since all the beige-yness. Cordelia leaned back on the door. She decided it might be wise to stay near the exit. Angel stood directly in front of her, silent and unmoving. Finally he crossed his arms. He opened his mouth, then shut it and closed his eyes.
“Okay, care to explain the attitude,” he said in a hard voice. Cordelia hated that voice.
“Not really,” came her sullen response.
Angle raised one eyebrow in a move reminiscent of herself. “You don’t want to talk about why you’re acting like such a, a….”
“I think the word you are looking for is bitch.”
Angel’s eyebrow lowered and his arms fell to his side. He looked a little thrown that she was actually admitted it. He had expected more of a battle.
“That’s what I’ve been acting like,” Cordelia continued. “I realize that,” she said, now crossing her arms. Angel made a funny face as more of his anger deflated.
“So, yeah, well, why? Did, did Spike tell you something last night? About me? I should have never let you go home with him. I knew he couldn’t physically hurt you but Spike, he has this awful habit of talking. He TALKS and ruins everything.” Neither of them decided to point out that Angel had gone from angry to apologetic in 3.6 seconds.
“No, it’s not Spike. It’s… Look, Angel, I’m not perfect.” Cordy stopped and rolled her eyes as she noted Angel’s smirk. He had raised that eyebrow again, too. “Okay, so you already knew that one. But, it’s just, I get a little wacky around the Scoobies. They don’t like me much and they come here and make everything weird and then they leave and you do that whole post-Buffy brood session and I hate that and,” she trailed and took a deep breath. “I’m losing my mind.”
Angel immediately assumed the role of comforter. “No. You’re not perfect but you’re not losing your mind. This is weird for all of us. It’s understandable.”
“No, it’s not understandable, why I was so mad at you, it doesn’t make sense at all. I can’t understand why I start feeling threatened the minute they walk in the door. The minute SHE walks in the door. I mean, I saw you two…training…and I just, I—it bothered me. It felt like.” Cordelia couldn’t finish. She realized she was actually blushing.
Angel couldn’t believe she had stopped there. Finally, finally, they were getting close to something. He needed to hear more. “Like what?”
“It’s like you were cheating on me in OUR special place. Which is like so completely crazy. Because, number one, the basement is not a special place and, two, HELLO. You and I, we’re not, you know..” She said, making some odd motions between the two of them. “And there’s no reason I shouldn’t expect Buffy on top of you. She has a perfectly legitimate right to straddle. Star-crossed lovers have straddling rights. I get that. It’s just the whole thing, I don’t know, it threw me. Stupid, huh?”
Angel slowly shook his head. “No, it’s not stupid.” So wait, is she trying to tell me that she’s jealous. That’s what she said. She said she felt like I cheated on her.
“You don’t have to make excuses for me,” Cordelia said. She sighed and walked a couple of steps closer to him. “My moment of insanity has passed. I promise.
Angel was touching her before he could stop himself. He touched the side of her face, then tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. “You are not insane Cordy. You’re not stupid or insane. You—.” Angel didn’t know what to say. I can’t believe the right moment is finally here and I don’t know how to tell her. Should I mention the dreams? Should I tell her I like her, like more than a friend. Geez, why don’t I just pass her a note during study hall while I’m at it.
“I, what?” Cordelia asked. His hand had moved from her cheek to that spot right where her neck met her shoulder. She felt his hand move behind so it was almost cupping her neck and start to pull her forward. Pull her towards him.
Lorne burst in. “Angelcakes. You’re progeny downstairs is wanting some Daddy time. Aunty Lorne just won’t do.” Angel looked down at the ground and let out an unnecessary breath. He released Cordy’s neck and started to walk around her.
“You better come back down too, your food will be getting cold,” he said softly. Cordy nodded but didn’t move, so Angel walked away. Lorne still stood just inside the room, biting his lip.
“Well, do I know how to kill a moment or what?”
“Lorne, that wasn’t a moment, that, it was—”
“It was you two coming very close to waking up and smelling the kyrumption. Don’t worry sweetie. They’ll be another chance. You should probably admit it to yourself first though.”
“Admit what?”
“Admit that you know why you were acting like such a shrew downstairs. You know exactly why walking in on them upset you too much. It’s not a mystery. You were jealous.”
Well duh. Way ahead of you there buddy.
“And you were jealous because…” Lorne said.
Because I’m protective of my best friend. And our purely best friend relationship. And some small part of me, okay, every single female part of me wanted to be the one straddling him. And then I could’ve leaned down and kissed him and told him…that…oh sweet Jesus I’m in love with him. I love Angel.
Cordy wanted scream, wanted to yell that it couldn’t be, but it was too late, it was. Her vacation epiphany hadn’t been that Angel was a hottie. It hadn’t been that he would make a nice fuck-buddy. It hadn’t been about WANTING Angel at all. It had been about loving Angel.
Cordelia’s legs felt weak and she slumped onto the bed and proceeded to bury her face in her hands.
“There you go. Guess you just had one of Wes’s Eureka moments.” Lorne made the comment in a low voice, then turned around and left the room.
Part 10: Tell Me Your Story
Hours later, long after her Eureeka moment, Cordelia found herself pretty amazed at how well the day had gone. Buffy and Dawn had left to spend some time with their father and frankly, Cordy thought things started to improve about that time. She and Willow had taken Connor to the park. Willow seemed to be warming up to her. I never thought the day would come when I would be actively trying to get Willow Rosenberg to like me. But Cordelia was realistic. She didn’t have many girlfriends and the circumstances of her life made it hard to make new friends. And Willow, it was turning out, wasn’t so bad. They had talked, really talked. Cordelia surprised herself when she had told Willow about the demonization—everybody at AI had agreed it was an unnecessary detail that the group from Sunnydale didn’t NEED to know. Willow had talked a little about how much she missed Tara…and magic. Cordy knew it was like the visions—Willow’s magic was what allowed her to help people and now that was gone—she could definitely relate.
When they came back from their walk they found Gunn and Angel playing video games with Xander, and the only blood being drawn was on the TV screen (thankfully). Cordelia and Xander continued to bicker for most of the day, and neither of them would have had it any other way. He was annoying and could be crude but she still saw glimpses of why she had once allowed herself to love him.
Fred and Wes had basically locked themselves in Wesley’s office. Willow asked what they were researching and it was then Cordelia realized that she didn’t know. Those two were being awfully tight-lipped. It couldn’t be a prophecy or anything big, because then they would have told everyone. Cordelia shrugged it off, figuring they would tell her if it was anything involving the words apocalypse or Armageddon.
The day had actually gone by rather quickly. To an outsider, the group hanging out might not have seemed like a big deal, but that’s because they never spent twenty minutes removing William the Bloody’s black nail polish. Early evening found the hotel comparatively empty. Fred and Gunn had taken Willow and Xander of a whirlwind tour of LA (Xander wanted to go see real-life hookers). Wes was making a taco run and Spike had disappeared to god knows where.
All in all, not such a bad day.
It had, however, been exhausting. That’s why it was 7 pm and Cordelia was sprawled on the lobby couch with her feet laying in Angel’s lap. Connor was wriggling around on a blanket they had placed in front of the couch, seemingly fascinated with trying to suck on his toes. They had spent the past several minutes in lovely, comforting silence.
“You know, this wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be,” Angel said, echoing Cordy’s thoughts.
“Tell me about it. I had a heart-to-heart with Willow. And trying to give Spike a makeover was like the most fun I’ve had since Christmas.”
“I can beat that. I got to instruct Xander on how to change a diaper. I wish I could have videotaped it. And I never threatened him with physical violence, not once.”
Cordelia nodded that she was proud of him. “Still,” Cordy added, “once every three years.”
“Oh yeah, that’s more than enough quality time.” They both laughed. Angel looked down as he noticed that he had been stroking Cordelia’s ankles. All that soft brown skin. “One day I’m going to figure out how you see the sun about as often as I do and you stay so tan,” he commented.
Angel was tracing small patterns on her skin, which in turn were creating small explosions in Cordelia’s head. Who knew your ankle was an erogenous zone? Cordelia smiled slyly. “That’s my secret.”
“Is all this color from when you went away with Groo,” Angel asked. Cordelia held her breath, hoping more questions wouldn’t follow. Of course, they did. “Speaking of that, you never really did tell me what happened.”
“That’s my secret too,” Cordy replied. She didn’t feel like meeting Angel’s eyes just then, so she turned her head to look at Connor.
“Cordy, you go away with the Groosalug, you come home after less than a week, and all you tell us is that Mexico was very pretty and that Groo went back to Pylea. You can’t just leave it like that.”
“Oh, I believe I can leave it exactly like that.” Cordy was feeling very nervous but she didn’t know if it was from the inquisition or the fact that Angel was still running his fingers over her ankles.
“What happened?” Angel just wanted her to answer the damn question. And it wasn’t just the fact that he needed to make sure that Groo was gone for good. There was also just the plain and simple fact that she hadn’t confided in him. And that’s what they were supposed to do. Confide in each other. “I know you told Fred something about an epiphany.” Cordelia merely sighed. “Did Groo do something to upset you? Did he hurt you?” Angel’s whole body tensed at the thought.
Seeing how riled up Angel was getting, Cordelia struggled into a sitting up position, keeping her feet in Angel’s lap. “No, Angel,” she put her hand on his cheek and turned his face towards her. “Groo, he didn’t do anything wrong.”
Angel had to make sure she was physically okay. Even if it meant asking, “Was it, um, the com-shuck, did you—.”
“Please tell me you aren’t about to ask whether it was good for me.”
“No, you, I, I just…”
Cordelia put her hand on top of his, which was actually still on top of her leg. “Look, it’s no biggie. I just came to, oh, realize certain things. I was on this perfect trip with this perfect looking guy and all of the sudden I was wondering why I had to keep reminding myself that everything was perfect. And that got me wondering why I had to keep telling myself that Groo was endearingly naïve, not just dumb as rocks. And I realized how hard it was, what with all the reminding and telling myself stuff. It was too hard. Love, I mean, not that I’m the expert, but I don’t think love should be so hard. It should be something you just…slide into. It should be like coming home.” Cordelia looked down at their still joined hands and shivered slightly. “So I told Groo that it wasn’t him it was me, we bought some souvenirs, and I sent him home. The end.” Cordy let out a dramatic breath and laid back on the couch.
Angel was smiling widely. Nice to know I don’t have any competition. I mean, it’s nice to know if I wanted to make a move on Cordelia like that, I wouldn’t have any competition. Okay, now I’m lying to myself. Great. All of the sudden Angel had a thought. He frowned. “Soooo, this epiphany of yours. Was it the kind of epiphany that one has while walking solo on the beach at sunset or—.”
“Or?”
“Or did it happen post, you know, like me, with Darla?” Did you have sex? Was there nekkidness with the Groosalug? Were someone else’s hands in places that only mine should be touching?
“Angel, you just want raunchy details. It’s none of your business whether I commed when we shucked, or whether any shucking went on at all.”
Woman, that is so completely not an answer to my question. “I’m not looking for details. I’m just saying that, hey, with those teeth and his lack of experience with women from this dimension, I could understand if it ended with a perfect despair-induced epiphany.”
I should probably be defending Groo’s skills in the sack, or at least look angry. But it was hard to worry about Groo’s honor when Angel’s fingers were tracing higher and higher up her leg. He had to know what he was doing. His thumb was running over that spot right above her knee. That couldn’t be an accident. What were we talking about? Oh, yeah, sex with Groo. “Angel!”
“What! There weren’t a whole lot of cows in Pylea for him to practice on. It’s understandable.”
Cordelia was having issues with breathing. Angel was definitely leaning towards her now. His eyes held this intent look, like he was after something. And he was looking at her. “Uh, wha, what’s understandable?” Cordy asked.
Angel’s eyes were hooded and he had this sexual smirk on his face that Cordelia had never seen before. It made her insides go all liquidy. Oh shit! Now his hand was on the soft skin of her inner thigh. He was in a restricted area.
“It’s understandable, if you didn’t, you know. I mean, not ALL champions can be good,” his hand went a half inch higher, “at everything.”
Cordy knew she was staring and with her mouth hanging open she probably looked like a wide-eyed fish. He hit a particularly sensitive spot and she couldn’t hold in a gasp. As gasps went, it sounded an awful lot like a moan. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip and Angel's eyes flared with what looked suspiciously like desire and—
In walked Buffy and Dawn. Cordelia swung her legs off Angel and yanked her skirt down. Angel didn’t move, he just sat there, clenching his teeth. How many times is this gonna happen? Is there some sort of rule, are we not allowed to ever get to the good part?
Part 11: Close But No Cigar
Buffy came in and set her shopping bags down by the stairs, while Dawn headed straight for the baby. For some reason, Buffy still hadn’t felt comfortable enough to hold Connor. She wasn’t much of a baby person but she had never actually felt afraid to pick up a child before. This child. I’m just scared to pick up this child. His very existence only increased the general sense of confusion she had felt since they walked in the door. Dawn, however, had no such qualms. By the time Buffy walked over to the couch, Dawn was playing airplane with Connor and telling Cordy and Angel about their day. I don’t like how that sounds. Cordy and Angel.
“So, Cordy, my dad’s new girlfriend told me I should dye my hair blonder. Whatcha think?” Dawn asked.
Cordelia noted Buffy standing behind the young girl, shaking her head ‘no’. “Well you know, Dawnie, I really wouldn’t suggest it. Not because you’re too young or anything,” she added when Dawn’s face fell. “It just wouldn’t work so well with your coloring. Besides, if you’re not trying to catch the eye of any ensouled vampires, why bother with the bleach?”
Buffy coughed. “By the way, Cordelia, have I mentioned how much I LOVE the highlights.”
Cordy looked down. She was getting soft in her old age. She had walked right into that one. She snuck a peak over at Angel. Maybe he hadn’t heard. Yeah, cause those vampires, it’s not like they have super hearing or anything. Angel was smirking and Cordy had the weirdest urge to stick her tongue out at him. So she did. Did he just gulp?
Spike walked out of the basement. His knuckles were torn and bloody and Angel guessed he had been the one to break the punching bag. He seemed to be in a better mood though. Spike had gotten progressively moodier once Buffy left. Seemed fine now though.
“So children, what are we doing this evening?” he asked.
“We, as in everyone except you, are going to do karaoke,” Buffy replied.
Cordy stood up. “Spike of course you are invited to Caritas with us. After all, it’s just a bunch of FRIENDS, hanging out.” There, we’re even for that comment about the highlights.
Buffy wasn’t clear on what to do. She had come to Los Angeles with very specific plans and so far nothing was turning out the way she thought it would. First of all, this was supposed to be about putting Spike behind her, about finding herself again. How could she find herself when all she saw was him? I mean, when he’s always around. I did not mean that Spike is all I can see. He is not all I can see. I can see many things, things that are not Spike. Angel had just seemed so distracted. Part of what she had loved about being with him was how focused he had been on her. When she was in the room, she knew she was all he saw, all he breathed. Now, he was definitely distracted and Buffy was starting to get a good idea of what he found so distracting. Cordelia. The self-professed Dating Slayer.
It was hard to see what he saw in her. Sure, when Cordelia was ruling Sunnydale High, she was attractive to boys but that’s because dating her promised an upward rise in popularity. But in LA she was very small fish in very big pond, so the appeal of that was gone.
And it’s not like she wasn’t still cute, but four years ago, Cordelia was so coordinated, so made up, so perfect looking. Every one of her features had always been exhibited to it’s utmost potential. Now…not so much. Gone was the icy prettiness. Gone was the calculated but powerful beauty. Angel, he was a guy who appreciated beauty. So…why?
Dawn’s laughter drew Buffy out of her reverie. Cordelia was holding Connor, trying to get him to show Dawn how he could stick out his tongue. When he did it, throwing in a spit bubble for an encore, Cordy laughed down at him then looked up and smiled. It was like being struck by lighting. In that moment, Buffy thought she might know why. Buffy didn’t even really like the girl, but that smile was like being held by someone you loved.
A sudden burst of warmth and comfort. Who knew Cordelia had something like that inside her?
Buffy turned to see if anyone else noticed it. Spike and Angel were both looking at Cordelia with very similar expressions on their face. Like they were shocked. Like creatures like them didn’t deserve to have a smile like that directed their way. A flood of jealousy ran though Buffy’s blood.
But that wasn’t the worst part.
The worst part was not knowing whether she was jealous because Cordy was being stared at by Angel…or because Spike was looking at her too.
“So, Angel,” Buffy said, moving in front of him to break his Cordy-worship. “Maybe you and I could do something tonight, before we go to Caritas.” She stared at Angel beseechingly. She didn’t see Spike’s frown or the way Cordelia moved to lay a commiserating hand on his shoulder. She didn’t hear Dawn sigh in annoyance and walk upstairs. She just waited for Angel.
Angel was puzzled. Okay, so he wasn’t that puzzled. He had an inkling of what was going on. Buffy was using him to make Spike jealous. Fortunately, he had better things to do than participate in that ill-fated love affair. He wanted to finish his conversation with Cordy. I can offer to make her dinner. We can go upstairs to give Connor a bath. And then we can lock the door to my room and get the hell out of this limbo we’ve been in. Angel realized Buffy was still waiting for an answer. “Actually—.”
“Angel, you guys should do something.” Cordelia couldn’t believe she actually said that. But in a weird way, she was sorta proud. She had overcome all those “fight for your man” urges and just given in to the inevitable. She was like that guy, in that Casablanca movie. Who was all noble. This is the right thing to do. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, yadda yadda yadda. “Go to dinner or something. For old times sake.”
“Cordelia, Angel is a VAMPIRE.” Buffy shook her head, like Cordy had gone retarded.
“Yeah. AND? What, he can escort people to prom and hang out at the Bronze but god forbid he pay for a nice sit down every now and then?” Cordy was not seeing the problem here.
“He doesn’t eat dinner food.” Buffy was having awful images of Angel sipping blood from a flask at the table.
“You’re kidding. Wow! That explains why there’s all this blood lying around all the time. Finally the mystery is solved. Thanks Inspector Gadget.” Cordelia was getting pissed. Buffy was acting like Angel didn’t know how to act in public. Like he was some kind of freak.
Angel put his hand on Cordelia’s shoulder. He leaned in and, under the pretense of kissing Connor on the forehead, he whispered for her to behave. Cordelia gave a “Pffft” and rolled her eyes. Angel turned to Buffy. “Actually, dinner sounds like a nice idea. Cordy’s been dying to go to this new French place. Spike, I’m sure they have an excellent wine collection.”
Cordelia almost had a heart attack. Sweet, adorable, completely dense vampire. How do you live 250 years and not know when you are being seduced. He thought all four of them were going to dinner. Awwwww, why is that so damn cute? Cordy saw the way that Buffy’s face fell. I should be enjoying that more. But it was hard to appreciate the Slayer’s frustration. It was all futile. No matter how many twists and turns the plot took, Cordelia was still sure how the story was going to end. Angel and Buffy will overcome all obstacles and blah blah blah. “I think you two should go. I want to head home and take a shower. Spike, you care to join me?”
Spike got a huge smile on his face, Buffy’s jaw dropped, and Cordy swore that Angel growled. “NOT join me in the shower, join me in going back to my place. Heads out of the gutter people.”
Connor had gotten squirmy so Cordelia gave him one last squeeze and put him back on the mat. “Angel, remember to tell Wesley to put on that tape we used last night.” In a last ditch effort, Cordelia had put on the “Last of the Mohicans” soundtrack and Connor had magically settled. It had actually been sorta creepy. “And go over diapering with him again, and make sure he is still certified for CPR.”
While Cordelia went over nine million details with Angel, Spike snuck up behind Buffy. She knew he was there seconds before he spoke She broke out in goose bumps as she felt his cool breath hit her neck, just under her ear.
“I know what you doing Slayer. You think I don’t know why you came here. I suppose I should be flattered. You’re so scared of what you feel for me you ran all the way to LA. Well, you can’t run from me. From us. Because when you stop fighting this lost cause, I’ll still be here, waiting for you.” Buffy felt like she had been punched in the gut. She didn’t say anything, she just shut her eyes. She kept them closed until Cordelia and Spike walked out the door.
It was shocking to realize that she and Angel were actually alone. And while the lobby of the hotel was no candlelight dinner, or even a romantic stroll through a Sunnydale cemetery, she was pretty sure now was a good time to try a little…rekindling. Angel was sitting on the couch watching his son wriggle around on the floor. She sat down next to him, curling her legs underneath her and leaning towards him slightly. She got his attention by trailing her finger slowly down his arm. That had always worked before.
“So, I’m really glad I’m going to have some time for just us, you know, you and me,” she started.
From the floor, Connor made a noise. Angel’s face went into worry mode and he leaned over and picked his son up. “Did that sound like a cough to you?” he asked.
Actually Buffy thought the noise had sounded an awful lot like Cordelia’s patented “Pfft”, but she wasn’t about to tell Angel that. “I’m sure it was nothing. Angel,” she tried to get him to focus, “I’ve really been missing you a lot lately.”
Angel gave that small sheepish smile that she had seen so many times before. “I’ve missed you too. We didn’t get to talk all that much after you…when you …the last time we saw each other. You seem a lot better now.”
Buffy leaned even closer to Angel. “I am better. Just seeing you, being here like this again, it makes everything better.”
Angel nodded absentmindedly. “I think I heard that sound again. That wasn’t a cough right? A cough would sound more cough-y, don’t you think?” Buffy sighed in answer and Angel flashed a soft shy apologetic smile. It made him look dorky and endearing and nothing at all like the soulfull brooder she fell for. “Sorry Buf, I’m doing the over-protective thing, aren’t I? I can tell, you sighed just like Cordy does when I’m going overboard.” Buffy’s noise wrinkled. Was there some sort of rule that he had to mention Cordelia every five minutes? She didn’t want to talk about what “Cordy does” or what “Cordy says.” It was still throwing her for a loop hearing Angel call her “Cordy” in the first place.
Calm down Buffy. Don’t get sidetracked. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and said, “Ever since, you know, this fall, I’ve been thinking a lot more lately, about life and love.”
“Me too,” Angel said, surprising her. “Ever since this little guy came along, I catch myself thinking about how much life changes in an instant, how amazing it is when life surprises you. When love surprises you.”
“I don’t like surprises much. In my experience, change isn’t always good. I like things I can count on. Love I can count on.”
Angel noticed the weird tone but he had no idea where Buffy was going with this. Was she trying to tell him about her and Spike? He knew they had slept together at least once. Judging by the amount of tension between them since they got there, it had probably happened a lot more than once. “Buffy, you know you can tell me anything.” If she needed to work through her problems with Spike, he would be there for her. He owed her that much. “Seriously, I’m always here,” he added.
“I just wanted to tell you…” Buffy couldn’t believe it was finally going to happen. She had been waiting two days for this moment. It was now or never. There was magic in the air…and it smelled a lot like…dirty diapers. “I wanted to tell you that I think your son needs a change.”
Angel laughed and started babbling baby talk to Connor as he rose and started to head upstairs. Buffy followed slowly behind him, heading to her and Dawn’s room to change for dinner and mull over how close she had just come to getting what she came for.
Part 12: Another Saturday Night
For the third time in twenty minutes, Angel checked the time on his watch with the time on his cell phone, just to make sure his watch was right. He had been at Caritas for almost an hour. Where the hell is she? She should be here by now. She knows how I need her to—she knows how I need her. Admitting that need used to be hard for Angel, it was embarrassing just to think it in his head. But it was true. He liked to be around her. She put him at ease, he discovered new things about himself in those twisted convoluted conversations they had. Where is she?
Lorne came up and placed a foamy glass of Guinness next to the empty one that lay on the table in front of Angel. He was dressed in a shocking purple and yellow, like some sort of freakish Easter Bunny; somehow it worked on him though. “Thought you could use a refill Angel-heart. You look like you might need it. Hum a little something, let me see why you’re so glum.” Angel’s face registered the chance of that happening. “Okay, so just tell me. Everyone’s having a great time. My club’s been open nearly four hours and has yet to be destroyed. What could possibly be wrong?”
The host was right. Everyone did seem to be enjoying themselves. Willow and Fred were sitting at a table upfront, groaning at the Summers’ sisters and their rendition of “Eternal Flame.” Gunn and Xander were going over the list of songs and Angel shivered at the thought of those two in a duet. But even those guys seemed relaxed and happy.
“Seriously Sir-Broods-A-Lot, why so blue? How was dinner with my second favorite former cheerleader?”
Angel sighed. “It was, it was okay.” That was true. It hadn’t been bad. It was just off, not like when he went out for a bite with Cordelia and the gang. He had been doing that more often this year and while the cuisine wasn’t his thing, it was nice just spending time together. Buffy and he, well, it had been awkward. She had kept on studying him, watching his every move, like she was afraid he might not know how to use a fork or anything. And the conversation hadn’t been exactly been rolling. What did we use to talk about? Angel saw Lorne wouldn’t be satisfied with just ‘okay.’ “We went to that French place in Hollywood, the one Cordy was whining about going to last week.”
Something caught Lorne’s eye behind Angel. “Speaking of the Seer with champagne wishes and caviar dreams, here’s vision girl now. And isn’t she a vision.” Angel turned around. Cordelia stood in the doorway. Her hair and make-up were perfect, but she still looked touchable in a way she hadn’t two years ago. She wore a simple black strapless dress, but it wasn’t slutty or cheap looking. It came down to her knees, provocative in it’s classic beauty. Like her.
The spell of her was broken when Spike appeared in the doorway behind her. He leaned in and said something in her ear that made her laugh—Angel thought he could actually hear her low sexy chuckle from across the room, despite the noise from the stage. Spike caught Angel’s eye and offered him a smirk before sliding his arm around the object of Angel’s affection. Angel growled. He had been doing that an awful lot lately.
“Easy killer,” Lorne soothed. “You know that’s not who he’s here after.”
Just Breath. Cordelia told herself as she and Spike made their way over to where Angel and Lorne sat. For some unknown reason, she had really started to dread this night. She had spent over an hour in the bath, torturing herself by imagining what Angel and Buffy were doing on their big date. The thought of them feeding each other grapes had led to a painful shaving cut on her ankle. Stupid imagination.
Spike had done a little to help her apprehension. The two of them were an odd pair. They still had yet to discuss their entirely too depressing love lives, and yet each clearly knew how the other felt. Like how Spike still wouldn’t admit to feeling anything for Buffy but how he was so clearly worried about the threat Angel represented. In a weird way, the temporary insanity caused by loving people they could never have had bonded Spike and Cordelia. In Spike, Cordy was finding the snippy girlfriend she hadn’t had since the days of Harmony and the Cordettes, as well as the comic foil role that had made Xander so oddly appealing. In turn, Cordelia accepted Spike without all the conditions the Scoobies made; she made him feel worthy and wanted. It meant more than he could say, more than he ever would say.
Slowly, the bitterness and fear they had left the Hyperion with had melted away. Never in my life would I have imagined getting ready to go out with Spike. They had blasted a little Britney and then some old school 80’s stuff. They had fought for mirror space while singing “Living on a Prayer” together. They decided that they would start a band called “Love’s Bitch” and tour small college towns across America.
Before they left for Caritas, Spike had even given a little pep talk. The motivational speech basically amounted to “Screw star-crossed lovers,” but the tequila shots they had done proved very “peppy.” Well, as Spike said, there’s no shame in liquid courage.
Cordy walked passed a group of moderately attractive vampires and saw Angel sitting there in front of her. Despite the plan she had made in the car on the way over, the plan to be all super cool and casual and not at all like a nervous school girl, she got one good look at those hooded eyes and all that black leather and she couldn’t hold back a sigh of appreciation. Spike heard it and quirked an eyebrow.
When they got to the table both demons stood up and Lorne clapped his hands in appreciation. “Well don’t you two look too gorgeous for words,” Lorne gushed.
Angel’s eyes nearly popped out of his head as Cordelia and Spike both flashed smiles, inclined their heads toward each other and said “We know” at exactly the same time. The duo’s obvious affinity for each other was more than mildly disturbing. It went against the natural order of things. Angel recovered from that shock and looked up to find Cordelia staring at him, expectantly.
“Well?” she asked, doing a small pirouette. Oh shit. She wants a compliment. I need a good compliment. Something that’s not the truth, because I doubt “I’ve had a hard-on since I smelled you from thirty feet away,” is what she really wants to hear right now. Beautiful? Incredible? Magnificently arousing and unquestionably perfect in every way?
“Nice,” Angel mumbled.
Cordelia bit her lip. The night of the ballet, she had interrupted Angel when he was complimenting her; she never got to find out what he would have said. That was why she had asked for his opinion tonight. Nice? That was it. Weather was nice. Books by Nora Roberts were nice. Kittens were nice. No, scratch that, people tell kittens they’re cute. Even cute is better than nice. She had really been looking for something a little more…well just more.
Spike noticed that Angel’s “nice” really wasn’t flying with Cordy, so he decided to create a little distraction. “What about me, ya big poof,” Spike asked, doing a clumsy pirouette of his own. Angel glared at him but it brought a smile back to Cordelia’s face. “Well then, I think drinks are called for. Cosmopolitan for milady?” Spike asked.
“You know me too well,” Cordelia drawled. Spike headed over to the bar, bumping into Cordelia with a clumsiness she knew he didn’t possess. With the heels she was wearing, Spike’s little nudge had her falling into Angel, just as Spike had probably planned. Angel of course caught her in that sweetly strong way of his that always had her heart racing.
“He better not know you too well,” Angel murmured right next to her ear and Cordelia couldn’t hold back a shiver. Most of what could be classified as flirtation between the two of them was said very innocently. It was strictly subtextual, there was nothing overt in their relationship. But Angel’s voice just then, it had been, well, sexy. Muscles in regions she hadn’t thought about since the ballet had clenched at his dark, seductive tone. What the hell is going on here? Did Buffy and him get groiny at dinner and now I’ve got Angelus coming on to me? Cordelia checked Angel’s clothes, noted the absence of a cool smirk, and decided the man currently making her mouth dry definitely still had a soul.
Angel wasn’t entirely sure why he had said that, especially THAT WAY but he didn’t feel like analyzing it right now, not while he should be savoring the woman he was holding in his arms. He was always amazed at the striking dichotomy of Cordelia. There was the Cordy who could curl up in old sweatpants and un-brushed hair and crack her knuckles just because she knew it annoyed him. The comfortable Cordy. Then there was the woman who could walk into the room and make everything stop, make even soulless demons believe there had to be a God merely because no lesser being could have created such a masterpiece. That Cordy made Angel decidedly uncomfortable, but in a good way. That was the Cordelia he slowly eased out of his arms now. This Cordy smelled like luxury, like hazy heat, like sin. The night was definitely improving.
Part 13: Shakespearean Kareoke
Angel’s hand dropped away from her waist and immediately she missed his touch. The two of them stood their staring at each other, neither talking for God knows how long, before Buffy walked up.
“Hi Cordy,” she stated. Cordelia jumped backwards, as if she had been caught doing something wrong.
“Hey Buffy. I, uh, I like your skirt.”
Buffy casually fingered the material as she moved to stand next to Angel, so that their arms were brushing against each other. “Thanks Cordelia. Your dress is nice too. I’m surprised though, you’re usually a lot more…obvious.”
It honestly took a minute for Cordy to realize what had just been said. Whoa, wait a second, did she just say that I usually dress like a slut? Does she not remember her wardrobe decisions her first year in Sunnydale? This is so pot calling kettle black. Cordelia didn’t know exactly how to respond. She was used to initiating the cattiness with Buffy; she had been caught off guard. She looked at Angel, who just looked confused.
“Coming through, coming through,” Spike said as he walked over to where the three of them stood. He set the two drinks down on the table. “So what did I miss?”
Buffy hand started to move for the pink drink he had placed next to his beer. She didn’t like the fact that Spike hadn’t asked her if she wanted a drink, but it was nice of him to think of her.
Spike’s hand swooped down, picking up the glass before she actually reached for it. “One Cosmo for the lovely Miss Chase,” he said, handing Cordelia her drink. Cordy took it, biting her lip to keep from laughing. Every once in a while even Slayers got put in their place. It’s just nice to know there is still justice in the world. “So, whose up for karaoke,” Spike asked.
***********
Angel couldn’t really decide if he was having fun or not. It was definitely better than that time he had gotten impaled by that demon in North Hollywood, and yet nowhere close to as good a time as when he killed those five vampires with only a broken broom handle in the alley behind Mann’s Chinese Theatre.
The fact that he hadn’t had a single moment alone with Cordy since she walked in had a little something to do with his lackluster opinion of the night so far. Spike’s presence, and the fact that at some point his presence had started to not bother him as much also had something to do with Angel’s ambivalence.
But what was really confusing him was Buffy’s behavior. He hadn’t seen her acting this way since the time she came back from spending the summer in LA with her father. Except then she had been all over Xander. This time, he was the object of her weird conduct. This is not just my imagination. It’s not like I mind her standing next to me, but she gets any closer and I’m going to start yelling “PERSONAL BUBBLE.” She kept touching his hair or sitting on the arm of his chair or rubbing her chin on his shoulder. What’s her problem?
Cordelia had just about had it up to there. What is Buffy’s problem? The Slayer seemed to have developed an addiction to rubbing herself on Angel. It was such a transparent lesson, one obviously intended for Spike and herself, to show them that Buffy was going to be with Angel and there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it. Fine. Go be together forever. But if she doesn’t quit shoving her eternal love in my face I’m going to use some sort of super secret demony deal to beam her ass back to the Hellmouth. She saw Buffy put her hand on Angel’s thigh and couldn’t take it anymore.
Cordelia stood up without saying anything and walked over to the bar behind her. Why am I pretending that I am such a hard-ass? Why do I keep telling myself to be noble and that this is the way it is meant to be? Fuck that. I don’t want to be noble. I get that I can’t have him but that doesn’t mean I have to help HER have him. And even if Angel and Buffy do end up together, there is no reason on earth for me to sit there passively, like it doesn’t bother me. For I am very bothered. I haven’t been this bothered since the great flannel fad of 1993.
“There, there love. Buck up.” Cordelia turned around to find Spike. “Sure it smarts,” he continued, blowing smoke up in the air, “but that’s because we’re letting it get to us.”
He had a point. “Well, what do you suggest?”
“I suggest we get off our asses and quit telling ourselves we lost. You and I, we haven’t even started to fight but we’re getting all mopey, like the battle’s already over.”
“It is over Spike. Let’s say, for arguments sake—since both of us still haven’t actually admitted anything yet, that I don’t want those two together, that I want Angel, that I want Angel to want me. And let’s say you feel the same way about Buffy. How do we fight?”
Spike walked over to lean against the bar and Cordelia moved to mimic his position. “In love and war it’s best to keep things simple,” he said after a moment. “We need to have some sort of plan. I vote we go the classic route.”
“Which is?” What is it with these guys from other centuries? Why did they always have to be so damn cryptic?
“We make them realize what they are missing,” Spike said slowly, as if he was speaking to a child. Cordelia was too intrigued to be offended.
“Like make them jealous? How are we supposed to do that? Do I go flirt with that blue scaled guy over there in the corner? Oh, and you could hit on that girl with the pointy ears. That is a girl, right?”
Spike ignored the question and turned to the bartender, requesting two shots.
“Alabama Slammers,” Cordelia put out, not wanting any more tequila.
“That’s a girl shot,” Spike whined. Cordelia gave him a look. “Fine. Anyway. What we need to do is pool our resources. Kill two birds with one stone.” He sighed upon seeing Cordelia’s blank look. “WE FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER.” Before Cordy could react to that suggestion, someone else gave their opinion.
“I vote for that plan,” Dawn said. Spike and Cordelia whipped around, surprised and worried about how much she had overheard. “Oh please, it’s all so obvious. I don’t care what the two of you need to do, just straighten this mess out. I swear I’ve never seen four people act more adolescent, and I’m in HIGH SCHOOL.”
“Dawn, you don’t—” Spike bit out.
“It’s really not like that,” Cordy said shaking her head.
“It’s exactly like that. That’s why I think you should go for this plan. Just don’t let it turn into some creepy Shakespearean comedy. I can see this going very ‘A Mid Summer Night’s Dream’ on all of us, and I don’t want that to happen.” With a snort of disgust, Dawn walked away.
Reaching for her shot, Cordy smiled. “I like her so much,” she confided to Spike.
“Me too,” Spike said, taking the shot and offering a grim smile.
***********
Angel was trying to tell himself not to turn around to see what Cordy and Spike were doing at the bar. He had enough problems for the moment. Wesley was pissed because Angel kept calling to check on the baby and the last time had woken up Connor. Lorne had just kindly informed him that the entire group had been ordering drinks and telling people to put them on Angel’s tab. Add to that the confounding issue of Buffy “Grabby-Hands” Summers and his plate was full. Maybe another beer was in order. Where did Lorne run off to? Angel looked around until the sound of the demon’s voice directed him to the stage. Lorne was at the microphone.
“Well, is everyone having a good time?” he cooed. The crowed roared yes. “It’s about to get even better. Folks, I have what could be a real treat for you. May I proudly present, William the Bloody and Cordelia the Hottie, with their interpretation of the Paula Abdul classic, Opposites Attract.”
Angel and Buffy’s mouths dropped open. They traded horrified glances with each other, realized the irony in that, then quickly turned back to the stage.
Cordelia couldn’t sing all that well. Spike wasn’t singing at all, he had settled for basically speaking his lines. They were mostly off-key. They didn’t seem to know all the words. The crowd loved them.
“I don’t like cigarettes” Cordelia sang.
“And I like to smoke,” Spike countered, lighting up on stage.
Buffy wasn’t sure this was really happening. The stage in front of her was like something out of a creepy Twin Peaks dream. Spike and Cordy really were awful, but they didn’t seem to realize it, or maybe they just didn’t care. And why do they look like they are having so much fun up there? Karaoke is NOT that much fun. Did she just whisper in his ear? You’re supposed to be up there singing Cordelia, not sharing secrets with my…my…with Spike.
“It ain’t fiction, just a natural fact, we come together cause opposites attract.”
Angel didn’t know about that. He didn’t want Cordy and Spike coming together in any way, shape, or form. Plus, they weren’t really opposites. They both had a lot in common, with their tendencies to be loud and nosy and tactless. If Cordy was looking for her opposite, well, Angel was a much better candidate. She liked to watch TV while he liked to read. She drank Diet Coke while he drank blood. See, opposites.
The song ended and the audience literally stood up and cheered. It was amazing. Some Rubsa demons in the corner started chanting "encore" and the rest of the crowd joined them. Spike dragged Cordelia in for a bear hug, stuck his tongue out in the direction of Buffy and Angel, then shouted something to Lorne. Buffy mumbled something about going to the bathroom and Angel felt like if he didn’t get some air he would pass out (which was odd, since he didn't actually need air). As he walked out of the club, he heard a familiar tune and then came Spike,
“Well, they say we’re young and we don’t know, we won’t find out until-l-l we grow…”
Part 14: Memory Lane
So the make them jealous plan wasn’t the best idea. Cordelia didn’t know why she’d thought it would work. Angel and Buffy hadn’t seemed overcome with jealousy when Cordy and Spike had been on stage. There had been no tenseness. Angel had appeared vaguely confused and there was no screaming “Get your hands of my man,” from Buffy. She seemed more concerned with relieving her bladder and Angel looked as if he was more bothered by the singing, rather than Spike and Cordelia singing TOGETHER. They’d both run off before the “I’ve Got You Babe” encore. And I do a mean Cher.
It hadn’t been a total bust thought. She’d had a blast, everyone in the club had offered to buy the two of them drinks, and when Angel came back from wherever he had been, he sat down in the empty chair next to her, much to Buffy’s chagrin.
“Next time I complain about that little vacation I took to Hell, remind me of what I just witnessed,” Angel whispered in her ear, as Xander exited the stage, following an agonizing rendition of “Born in the USA.”
Cordelia giggled. “So you’re saying that hundreds of years of unspeakable torture…”
“Is nothing compared to what has to be the most frightening impression of Bruce Springsteen I have ever been forced to listen to,” Angel concluded.
They both looked up when they noted most of the table was relatively silent. Apparently, vestiges of the initial awkwardness were still hanging around.
“So,” Gunn said, hoping to get the conversational ball rolling again, “what was Cordelia like at 16? Cause I can guess, and what I’m thinking seems pretty scary.”
Willow bit her lip, not sure how to proceed, while Xander smirked, Buffy beamed, and Cordelia looked down at the table.
“Well,” Buffy said with a laugh. “She was all the things you are thinking. A cheerleader, the May Queen, you know the type.”
“Oh, Cordy,” Fred gushed, “I bet you were so popular!”
“Oh, she was popular.” It was Xander’s turn now. “She had a mindless group of followers—The Cordettes. Gunn, you met Harmony, right? Well, imagine a gaggle of them, all worshipping at the alter of Cordelia.”
Everybody laughed. Willow noticed the uncomfortable look of Cordy’s face and felt the disconcerting need to give her a hand. “Should you really be talking Xander? You spent some time worshipping at the alter of Cordelia too, in a closet I might add.” Everyone, even Cordelia and Xander, laughed at that one.
“Damn,” Gunn said. “So y’all managed to have SOME fun on the Hellmouth.”
“When we weren’t out rescuing Cordelia, that is,” Buffy said.
It’s not like Cordelia could deny that. It was true, Buffy had saved her life bunches of times. She would give her props where props were due.
“Yeah,” Cordy agreed. “Buffy saved me from unpopular invisible girls, vampires, and all kinds of icky stuff.”
Buffy wasn’t thrown by Cordelia’s agreement for a second. “The best was Cordelia with Giles—he was my watcher. He couldn’t STAND her. He was always one step away from strangling her. We could never convince Cordelia that the best way to help was to just go away.”
No one at the table quiet knew what to do with that comment. There were a few uneasy laughs, but it hadn’t seemed very funny.
Fred decided it was time to change the subject. “Well, Cordy, what about boyfriends? Besides Xander, I mean?”
“Oh, they had a bad habit of dying. Or being evil. Or being evil and then dying. Little bit of both. Call it the curse of Cordelia,” Cordy said. She was thinking that maybe if she made the jokes herself, Buffy might stop.
“Well, there was Angel,” Buffy said, in a strange voice. Everyone at the table looked shocked and turned to Cordy. “Not that he was her boyfriend, but she sure wanted him to be.”
Oh lord. It’s okay. Laugh it off. Show them just how much of an actress you are. “Yes, it’s sad but true. I took one look at everyone’s favorite creature of the night, pronounced him salty goodness, and proceeded to try and make him mine.” Feeling that surge she always got on when she was on stage, Cordelia continued, turning to Angel. “That was before I realized that I couldn’t compete with a 200-year-old blond fetish.”
“Aww, that’s so cute,” Fred commented.
It wasn’t supposed to be cute Buffy thought. It’s supposed to embarrass Cordelia. Clearly she just needed to try a little harder.
“She made Angel soooo uncomfortable. It was hilarious, with her always throwing herself at him,” Buffy said. “She couldn’t seem to grasp the concept of rejection,” Buffy stage-whispered to the table at large.
“I have a lot of trouble imagining anyone rejecting Cordelia. Damn Angel, were you blind or something back then?” Gunn asked.
Angel shrugged. He knew this was making Cordelia more than a little tense; her heart was pounding so much he could literally see her pulse point jump. At the same time, he liked knowing she once thought he was attractive. “Hey, I didn’t know she liked me. Cordy, you know how bad I am at the whole subtlety thing. When you think someone is salty goodness, you need to tell them they’re salty goodness.”
Buffy never gave Cordelia a chance to respond. “Back then you would never have imagined Cordelia and Angel would one day be friends. What did we call her that one night, when we were training right before my birthday? Oh yeah, Sporedelia.” Buffy continued on, before Angel could point out only Buffy had called her that. “Angel wasn’t an official member of the “I Hate Cordelia” club though. That was more of a Xander and Willow thing.”
This time there was no uneasy laughter. Only uneasy silence.
Fred finally asked, “But, I thought, I mean, weren’t you all friends?”
Buffy choked back a laugh. “Is that what she told –”
“Well, yeah,” Willow interrupted. “We were good friends. Right Xander?”
“I guess.”
Dawn was disgusted. Her sister was acting like such a bitch and all anyone was doing was ignoring it, while Cordelia just sat there, looking miserable. “Hey, Cordelia, you and Spike were really great up there. Do you wanna do another song?”
Cordelia looked at Dawn, her eyes communicating her appreciation. “No thanks sweetie, but I will go help you pick out a song.” Cordelia was out of her chair before Dawn could say a word.
Angel felt like he was in Bizarro-land. Which is in itself funny, because if Xander had made that Superman reference a few years ago, I wouldn’t have known what the hell he was talking about. Buffy was turning the night into some kind of battle with Cordelia, which was odd because A, what did they have to fight about, and B, Cordelia didn’t really seem to know they were at war. Where had all those signature cutting remarks been? Where were the cruel one-liners? She was off her game tonight.
Spike came over and took Cordelia’s chair, knocking Angel out of his reverie. “Look mate, you better tell the Slayer to watch her back. Your man Gunn is looking kinda angry again. He’s protective of the cheerleader.”
“Spike,” Angel sighed. “The last thing I need right now is advice from you.”
“Fine. But you know, even I’m getting a little pissed at Buffy now. She’s acting like a baby and the silly bint is really getting to Cordy.”
“Cordy?” Angel asked.
“That’s right, poof. I’ve got ‘Cordy’ rights now too. You play dress-up with a person, you get close. Anyway, my point is, you haven’t said a word. You haven’t told Buffy to shut the fuck up. You haven’t told Cordy that the Slayer is full of shit. It makes it look like you agree.”
“Spike, you don’t know what the hell you are—”
“That’s where you’re wrong, poof. Little Miss May Queen and I, we understand each other. We have a lot more in common than you might think.”
“Oh, I thought it was all opposites attract,” Angel mumbled.
“What was that?” Spike asked.
“Nothing. So, tell me, what do you and Cordy have in common. Besides the fact that both of you aren’t natural blonds?”
“We both are letting Buffy walk all over us,” Spike said, in a quiet firm voice.
Angel looked at him for a moment. Finally he said, “It’s not just sex, is it?”
“You knew?”
“Hello, I’m a vampire. I have super-smell power, just like you.”
Spike grinned. “Cheerleader’s rubbing off on you. You sound just like her.” That got a brief grin out of Angel. “She’s a piece of work, that one. And Christ, the way she smells.”
The grin disappeared. “Spike,” Angel growled warningly.
“Oh chill ya big poof. Look, she’s upset and I like her and so you damn well need to fix it.”
Angel didn’t deny that Cordelia was upset. “How?”
Spike was getting a little exasperated now. “I don’t know. Tell her she’s beautiful. Shag her against the wall in the bathroom. I don’t care. Just get her smiling again.”
Part 15: Get off The Stage Already
Cordelia didn’t need another drink. She didn’t need one, but she sure as hell could use one. What the fuck happened back there? What the hell is her problem? And what’s my problem? I just sat there, taking it. When did I become Little Miss Victim? Dawn was on stage, singing her heart out to a ditty by Brittney Spears. It was nice of her, to save me like that. But I hate the fact that I put myself in the position of needing to be saved. Looks like three years with Mr. Swoop-in-and-save-the-damsel-in-distress has made me soft. I can’t forget how to take care of myself. The bartender finally noticed her standing there and she ordered a Raspberry Stoli and Sprite. Cordy turned around for a second to check out Dawn, then turned back to grab her drink.
“That will be $6.75,” the demon bartender said.
“Put it on my tab,” came a voice from behind her. Angel. Play it cool Cordy. You can do it. Cordelia slowly turned around, leaned back against the bar, and gave Angel a glance before taking a sip of her drink. She didn’t say anything though. She swore she had some cool retort on the tip of her tongue, but that was before she had gotten a good look at his eyes. I’ve seen him day in and day out for years, but I’ve never seen his eyes look like that before. Look at me like that.
Angel was trying to call on his inner demon, trying to find vestiges of the sensual, predatory creature he once was. Stuttering idiot wasn’t really working on Cordelia, it was time to try something new. He got as far as one smoldering good look before his plan backfired. The mistake wasn’t the smoldering part, it was the looking part. God, she made him crazy, crazy with want and need and fear and hope and everything that was good and bad about human emotion. Unfortunately, all that emotion brought Stuttering Idiot back to the surface.
“You don’t look nice,” he blurted out.
Cordelia choked on her drink. She coughed twice. “What?”
Oh shit. What’s wrong with you? “I mean, what I said, before, what I said when you came in. I said you looked nice. Well, I take it back. You don’t look nice. You look breathtaking.” He eyed her warily, hoping he had eased over his blunder.
She rolled her eyes. “I’m breathtaking? Angel, you don’t breath.”
Good point. “Well yeah. And that’s a good thing, or else I would have passed out hours ago, what with all the breathtaking-ness. You look like a—”
Cordelia had a sinking feeling she knew where he was going with that, so she cut him off. “Please don’t say a princess.” I don’t know when I started to hate that word, but I really do.
“No. Not a princess. It’s funny. You were Doyle’s princess. Groo’s princess. Even Lorne lets it slip now and then. But I’ve never really thought of you that way.”
“Gee thanks.” It wasn’t that Cordelia was fishing for compliments. But she wasn’t fishing for insults either.
“Princess,” Angel continued, as if he hadn’t heard her wounded comment. “It’s just not you. Royalty, that implies something distant, removed…”
“Untouchable,” Cordy added.
“Exactly,” Angel said, in that smooth voice he had adopted ever since she’d brought up the princess bit. “A princess would be untouchable. And you, you are very,” he reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “very,” he tipped her chin up with his index finger so she was looking him directly in the eye, “touchable,” then used the same finger to trail down her smooth bare arm.
Cordelia didn’t smile, didn’t laugh, didn’t move, didn’t think. She did, however, gulp.
Angel leaned in, so his mouth was right up near her ear. “Sometimes,” he confided in a low sexy voice that literally made her quiver, “I can’t NOT touch you.” And then he was leaning down and Cordelia’s heart was going to explode out of her chest and she clenched her hands into fists and it was really going to happen and…
Once again, fate was a cruel mistress. Gunn and Fred walked up. Too late, Fred saw that they were interrupting and tried to tug her boyfriend away. Too late.
“Hey can I get two Bud Lights,” Gunn called out over Cordelia’s head, to the bartender behind her. “Yo, dawg,” he said, sidling up to Angel, “I think someone is trying to get your attention.”
It was like Angel hadn’t heard. He had quit leaning in, but he was still staring down at Cordelia. She was staring right back at him. Fred noted their preoccupation with each other. “Gunn, I’m not really all that thirsty. Maybe after another song.”
“Angel, man, hey. Pay attention. I think your girl is dedicating this song to the one she loves.” Somehow the words penetrated Angel’s mind, though the haze of Cordelia. He was confused. What the hell is Gunn talking about? Then the music kicked in and all four of them turned towards the stage, where Gunn had been pointing to. There was Buffy. Alone on stage. Staring at Angel.
***********
Buffy wasn’t entirely sure about her actions. A few minutes ago, the Karaoke had seemed like a good idea. After all, so far the night had not been going her way. She had gone too far when they were all sitting down. Cordy hadn’t been fighting back, so Buffy had come off looking like a real bitch. She had taken a few minutes to regroup and by the time she was focused again, Cordy and Angel were standing way too close over by the bar and Spike was sitting next to her. This is all Spike’s fault. If he had just kept his stupid mouth shut. But no, he had to go on and on, about how great “Cordy” was and how she was irresistible. I just wanted to make Angel see me. What better way to get his attention than standing on stage, opening up my heart to him. But on stage now, Buffy was definitely beginning to regret her decision, especially the song she had chosen. It was cheesy and corny and obvious. But she really needed the message to be clear. So that Angel would get the message. So that Angel, and Spike, and Cordelia would get the message. Maybe, just maybe, so I’ll get the message too.
“Looks like we made it,
Look how far we’ve come my baby,
I’m glad we didn’t listen,
Look at what we would be missing…”
Spike’s breath, unnecessary though it was, had caught in his throat the moment the Slayer opened her mouth. He knew what was coming, he thought he had prepared himself for it, but it was still like being kicked in the gut. Fuck it he thought, and walked out the door. He may be love’s bitch, but he wasn’t a glutton for punishment.
“You’re still the one I run to,
The one that I belong to,
You’re still the one I want for life…”
Cordelia stood silently watching Buffy. She looked good up there. She was so tiny and blond and her voice wasn’t too shabby. The words of the song reverberated in her mind. “The one that I belong to”. Cordy closed her eyes. It’s true. Buffy does belong to Angel and Angel belongs to Buffy. Always and forever. So what the hell am I doing? She couldn’t compete with Buffy because there was no competition. This whole ordeal, it was so…tired. Cordelia was tired. I’m tired of trying to distract Angel. Tired of coming close and always having something happen. I’m tired of comparing myself to the Slayer and always being found wanting. It was time to stop. Cordelia grabbed her drink and glanced at Angel who stared, apparently entranced, at the stage. Then she walked away.
Thirty seconds later there was a tap on her shoulder. Cordelia turned to find Fred. Fred was yelling.
“Where are you going? You can’t just walk away. That girl on stage is trying to steal Angel. Fight for him.”
Cordelia sighed. “Fred, what are you talking about?”
“Look Cordy, you and Angel, you know that there is something there. Something was about to happen back there, before me and Gunn interrupted and before—”
“Before Slayer Night at the Apollo?” Cordy offered.
“Yes. You need to go back there and finish that moment.”
“Fred, sweetie, there was no moment. Nothings going to happen between me and Angel. No matter how much you shout kyerumption and moira in my face. Don’t look at me like that. Fine, yes, I admit it. I have feelings, certain feel—Look, I like Angel. A lot. In ways that I shouldn’t.” Cordy stopped for a breath and watched Fred’s face blossom into a huge goofy grin. “Not so fast there.” She set down her drink and used both hands to spin Fred around so she faced the stage. Buffy had just finished the song and was soaking up the crowd’s applause. “Look at her. It will always be her for him.” Cordelia spun her friend back around to face her. “Don’t tell me to fight. I don’t want to fight. I shouldn’t HAVE to fight. I don’t want to MAKE someone love me.”
“Cordy, he does lo—”
“Fred, it’s done,” Cordelia said, swallowing and running a hand through her hair. “I’m just going to stop. I’ll forget these feelings and we can all go back to normal.” There. That should get Fred off my back. That will solve everything.
Fred snorted. “Oh wow. And people think that I’m the crazy one.”
Cordelia couldn’t stop herself from arching an eyebrow in response. But that wasn’t about to stop Fred from saying what needed to be said. “Cordy, how clueless are you? You can’t just wake up one day and snap your fingers and say ‘today I’m not going to be in love with Angel anymore.’ It doesn’t work like that.”
“Hey, I didn’t say that I was in love,” was all Cordelia could bite out before Fred held up her hand, effectively telling her to shut up.
“My turn to talk. Look, it’s like, um, it’s like a flat tire.” Up went that eyebrow of Cordelia’s again, this time accompanied by the rolling eyes. Fred was undaunted. “My cousin Lindsay, she’s one of the Louisiana Burkles. Anyway, she once got a flat tire. And she just ignored it. She didn’t have a spare, she was way too broke to afford a new tire. SO she just pretended that it never happened. She drove around on a flat tire for three days! Eventually it got so bad that she couldn’t steer and she ran right off the road and hit a tree and totaled the car!”
“Is there a point to this story?” Cordelia honestly wasn’t trying to be mean. She really just didn’t see the point.
“Love is like a flat tire. There’s never a good time for it, you never plan on it happening, and it almost always screws up your schedule. But most importantly, you have to deal with it. You can’t just ignore it or pretend it isn’t happening or think that it will just go away, or, or…”
“Or I’ll run off the road and get totaled?” Cordy asked.
“Something like that,” Fred said quietly.
“Look Fred. I appreciate your concern. I even appreciate the analogy as helpful as it wasn’t. But we’re done here. I tried and I failed.”
“How have you tried Cordelia? Have you even told him how you feel?”
“No”
“The Cordelia Chase I know and love, the woman who helped drag me back into reality, she wouldn’t give up on something she wanted, not without having done everything in her power to have it.” Cordelia couldn’t help but smile at that. Fred did have a point.
“Now,” Fred said, reaching for Cordelia’s drink and raising it to her friend’s lips. “Take a big sip, square your shoulders, go find Angel and you tell him that, that, um, that if he isn’t smart enough to realize how perfect you are for him, then, then he and the Slayer with the bad highlights deserve each other.”
Fred really was a genius.
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