Title: Saving You
Author: Jenay
Posted: 08-31-2004
Email: houseofpiesweb@yahoo.com
Rating: R
Category: Drama
Content: C/A
Summary: Cordelia feels like her life is falling apart, and for good reason: because it is. And Angel doesn't understand why she doesn't want to be saved. Surprises along the way.
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Just Fic, fanfiction.net
Notes: Just a whirlwind writing spasm I had. Kind of re-worked Cordelia becoming pregnant. Wesley is still with the gang, but there is no baby or adult/teenager Connor. The e-mails are made up, please do not attempt to write to them.
Feedback: Yes, please.
Thanks/Dedication:Part 13
He found her in the nursery, simply looking over the empty crib and running her hands over the white edges of the painted wood.
“What are we going to do with this stuff?” She softly asked and turned around to look at him.
“What are we going to do with this stuff Angel?”
“What would you like to do with it?” Angel stepped forward, taking her body into his arms and just holding her.
“I don’t know.”
“Why don’t we just keep it?” He suggested as her head shot up in question.
“Why?”
“We can save it for a rainy day.”
“Angel…”
“You never know, Cordelia, you never know.” He brushed his lips up against her forehead and tugged her closer. “You know I love you right?”
“Yea, I know.” Cordelia backed away and retreated into his bedroom and like always, he followed her. He honestly would follow her into the depths of hell, even though he didn’t want to return seeing as he had already been there once or twice.
Anyone of them would follow her because what was the family without the heart? If she wasn’t there, none of them would have any kind of reason to stay together. She was now sitting in his leather chair Indian style and staring out into the great unknown of Angel’s dark room.
“Cordy…”
“Angel, I don’t feel like talking.”
“Who says I’m coming to listen, maybe I want to talk.”
“About what?”
“About how it’s not just you who lost this baby.” He told her sitting on the edge of the bed and looking straight at her.
“Yea, you heard me right. All of us are just as torn up as you are. The Powers had me thinking that this was my second chance, that I could be a father again…to this child who wasn’t even mine. Just like you were the mother to Connor.”
“Angel, I…”
“Don’t talk Cordy, just listen.” Angel grabbed for her hand and pulled her over next to him. “No one is going to hurt as much as you do, I know that from experience. But as you once told me, we have to go on living. It gets easier day by day, but it never goes away, that’s why we have people who’ll need us and we’ll help them. Because that’s what we do.”
“I’m sorry.” She said, burying her head into his shoulder.
“Come on.”
“Where are we going this time?” She asked, wiping away some of the drifting tears off of her cheek and latching onto Angel’s hand.
“Out.”
“Out where?”
“Anywhere. We just have to get out of here.” Angel pulled her down the stairs and grabbed his jacket on the way out.
“Angel?” Cordelia asked again, letting go of his hand and going back in the hotel to grab her coat as well. She came back out with her jacket wrapped tightly around her upper body and up to Angel’s side.
“Now where are we going?”
“You still like ice cream?”
“Yea, but since when do you?”
“Since they introduced Bloody Mary flavored ice cream.” He joked with her, sliding his arm up and around her neck. “I’m kidding.”
“You better be because if you’re not, then I want one too.” She said and his head ship over to her half smiling face. “I’m kidding.”
***
Ten minutes and two waffle comes with an array of flavors piled on top later, they walked hand in hand back to the hotel, giving each other smiles that suggested this was more than two best friends just out for an ice cream cone.
“You know, Fred’s going to kill us.” She said, slowing the pace down a bit and looking over at him.
“She is, isn’t she?”
“Yeah, especially since we didn’t bother to pink a cone up for her or stop at any of the sixteen taco stands between the hotel and the ice cream shop without picking her up at least one taco.”
“We’re going to get the silent treatment, which isn’t all that bad.”
“True.”
“We should do this again, you know, just the two of us.” He hinted looking down at his feet and hoping she wouldn’t stop walking, but she did.
“Why, Mr. Angel, are you trying to ask me out?”
“Trying to, failing miserably.” He said, looking back at her and waiting for any sort of answer.
“I did enjoy this.”
“So…”
“So, sure. Why not?”
“Good, because I’ve already made plans.” He added as they started to walk towards the hotel courtyard.
“Already made plans? You?”
“You sound surprised.”
“I am. Angel, when’s the last time you planned anything?”
“I don’t have to answer that.”
“Only because you know that you haven’t planned anything since the day you were born. Angel?”
“Yeah?”
“You are such a dork.”
* * *
Okay, so Angel finally asked me out and even though the technique needs some work, he was incredibly sweet. Which, is not normal, well at least when it comes to asking girls out. I’m still wondering about his so-called ‘plan’. Angel doesn’t plan. Never. I’ll bet fifty dollars on the nearest blackjack table that Fred and Lorne helped him or did all the planning themselves. Gretchen went back home three days ago and for the first time in my life and hers, I called her grandma. It was weird, you know, not having a grandmother for the first 23 years of you life and actually felt natural and good. Something I could definitely get used to. I’d also bet that she had something to do with Angel’s plan. He said to be ready tomorrow night at six thirty. I’ve been going crazy not knowing and even though I already use the computer for internet time, I’ve been, what Wesley calls ‘overexceeding my limit’ by searching for any kind of event around the area that Angel would even be remotely interested in. So, off to the ‘net I go…
Cordelia clicked the icon on the computer screen and waited for the Yahoo search engine to load up. She couldn’t stop thinking about where Angel was supposed to be taking her.
She knew it wasn’t Caritas, because Lorne had put a protection spell on the new and improved nightclub from them. And it couldn’t be the pier because Angel was allergic to anything fun. She quickly typed her search words in and hit the return key when W*tchyWoman popped up on the screen.
W*tchyWoman: Hiya
VisionGirl: Hi Red.
W*tchyWoman: How ya doing?
VisionGirl: Better than I was. You?
W*tchyWoman: Not that bad. Anything new in good ol’ LA?
VisionGirl: Apart from the daily freaky things, no. But Mr. Broody is supposed to be taking me out tonight and he nor anyone else will tell me anything!
W*tchyWoman: What? Angel and you?
VisionGirl: It’s not that big of a surprise is it?
W*tchyWoman: No, not really. It’s just like Captain Peroxide and Miss Likes to Slay.
VisionGirl: Are we talking who I think we’re talking about?
W*tchyWoman: Yep. He’s got a soul like Mr. Broody now but no curse attached.
VisionGirl: Wow.
W*tchyWoman: My thoughts exactly. So, how are you, you know, with the thing?
VisionGirl: You can say it Will. And although I’m not fully recovered and I doubt I ever will be, I’m coping. The gang is helping me through it and I don’t know what I would do without them or Angel.
W*tchyWoman: Ooooo, okay here’s a hug (insert smile icon). I wish it was real.
VisionGirl: Thanks Willow. Where are you right now?
W*tchyWoman: Creative Writing 101. Required for my last semester. YAY!
VisionGirl: Yes yay! Maybe after all this, I’ll come visit.
W*tchyWoman: Or me there.
VisionGirl: That would be nice. You can see how much Wesley’s changed. He ditched his glasses.
W*tchyWoman: No!
VisionGirl: Yep.
W*tchyWoman: Yea, I have to come see you guys and…I also have to go. Teacher coming.
VisionGirl: Okay bye Will.
W*tchyWoman: Bye Cordy. Talk soon
<W*tchyWoman had signed off>
Willow Rosenberg hadn’t been her best friend in the world but she made a good e-mail buddy and great listener. She didn’t always have advice for her, but usually just a smiley or a few ‘uh huhs’ did the trick.
Reading back over the message, she stopped to think about her coping comment.
Coping was a hard thing to do and she wasn’t really coping, heck she wasn’t even sure how to cope. Having Angel there made it better. Having that big, strong shoulder was a good thing and since he had already gone through a similar ordeal, he knew how what was going on inside her brain. Much more than she did sometimes.
Her thoughts trailed back to the computer screen.
Date. She had a date. With Angel.
Part 14
Sweaty palms, hesitant responses and he was about to fork over about two thousand more dollars to get his floor refinished again. He had never been more nervous in his life. The ballet came a close second all because this was an official date with Cordelia.
Date plus nervous equals an Angel no one wants to be around. He looked out the window one last time, checking to put his mind on anything else he could.
People watching should become a full fledged sport, he thought, as he watched a gang of young boys pass in front of the hotel. The slumps in their gaits, the blue jeans hanging by a thread on their hips and the gaudy fake gold around their necks. It was amazing how much people had changed over the years. He went from watching the Mary Jane & Peggy Sue types in their full skirts and saddle shoes to thugs with an obsession for gold and an urge to show their bums to the world all in the matter of a very short time period in his case, thirty years.
The sun was almost down and he was ready. Looking at his watch one last time, he grabbed his boots and sat down on the edge of his bed. He could hear the television in her room blaring to the voices of Grissom and Catherine from CSI. Dennis had developed a passion for the franchise and Angel had faithfully watched with him. In fact, he had an urge to zoom right back over to her room and watch with him, but he knew if he did that, she would have his head. He could also her Cordelia’s voice nagging the phantom for more information.
She had been trying to find out where he was taking her tonight for the past twenty four hours and luckily Fred hadn’t spilled the beans and Dennis, well Angel knew that Dennis wouldn’t tell her anything and he could count on the ghost to keep his secret.
Tying his last show strings together, Angel brushed off his wardrobe chosen carefully at the hands of Lorne one more time and started for the his door. He was ready. Hopefully she was too.
* * *
Nervous. She was actually nervous to go on a date. But this was different
than any of the other dates she had previously been on. This was Angel. Sure, she knew how to handle herself with best-friend Angel, but what about boyfriend Angel? That was new and unexplored territory.
Slipping on her plain white tee shirt, she glanced back in the mirror for the thousandth time and re-evaluated the combination she had on for the thousandth time. He had told her to dress comfortable. Well, this was as comfortable as she was going to get without shedding all of her clothes and wrapping herself back up in Angel’s silk sheets that she had come accustomed to.
She brushed her now shoulder length brunette hair back from her face and took a good look at herself. Comfortable: check. Pretty: check. Nervous: check check check. Butterflies in stomach: check. Yep, she was ready. Hopefully.
“One last chance Dennis. Anything?” She asked her invisible roommate for any more information regarding the “plans” that Angel had. Dennis used to tell her, er, show her, try to convey to her anything in the world, especially when it concerned Angel.
But now the CSI-obsessed ghost was pulling his latest rendition of silent Angel on her and not saying a peep and more importantly, taking Angel’s side.
Cordelia picked up her sloppy, but again, ultra-comfortable tennis shoes and slipped them on, still waiting for an answer from the ghost, but with no avail.
“Fine, take his side. But just remember, when I get back, you aren’t getting any details.” She warned him, walking out of the room and down towards the lobby.
Date. This was a date. For the first time in a long time, she was actually feeling a little happy. The past ten months had been, in a word: hard, in two words: the worst. But Angel was there to catch her when she fell. He was always there to catch her. And there he was, leaning against the front counter, carrying on a conversation with Wesley and wearing jeans.
Jeans. Since when did Angel wear jeans? And color too! Green, no less. This was it. She checked her watch one last time, and prayed that the Powers would allow them just one normal date. Just one; that was all she was asking for. And she was going to get it.
Part 15
And one normal, out of the ordinary, so not like Angel kind of date she got. Normal in Angel’s small dictionary meant silent treatments, burying head deep into sixth century old books and dwelling on the days of old. This was not Angel. Heck, this wasn’t even her. This definitely couldn’t be right. Never would have Angel picked this place if he had been blindfolded, evil and anything more than the dork he was.
But here they were as Angel tugged her hand again to make her start walking again. She had imagined him picking something out of the ordinary like a high profile dance club or an expensive restaurant, and those were out of the ordinary for him, but they weren’t at any of those.
No, they were at the pier, of all places. She didn’t expect this. Sure, it was out of the ordinary for him but she had ruled it out because Angel was allergic to fun.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting in line.”
“For what?” She asked, squeezing on his hand tight and digging her nails into his palm to make sure he was perfectly happy.
“The Ferris Wheel. Isn’t that what people do on dates at the pier? Go on the Ferris Wheel?” He turned around and looked at her, his hand still attached to hers.
“I guess so.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Angel, I haven’t been to the pier since…”
“I know.” He finished for her and trailed off, reminded of her recollection and his. She had talked non stop about her date with Groo that night and he had hated it, but tolerated it because if he had interrupted her, the glare would come out and he would be dust before he knew it. She talked of the prizes he had won her, the elephant ears that she was so fond of he bought her and the midnight kiss that Angel and Wesley had zoned out for the details of.
But this wasn’t her date with Groo, this was different. This was Angel. Angel brushed his lips upon her forehead as the Ferris Wheel attendant ushered them to the next cart.
“Angel?”
“Hmmm?” He sat down beside her as the attendant sealed them into the cart and looked at her profile. The wind was minimal, but at the moment her growing shoulder length hair was flying into the wind and she looked amazing; like she belonged to the night. A definite plus for Angel, since he already did.
“Thanks.”
“For what?”
“For this.” Cordelia turned her head and let him have a smile before the wheel started to turn, lifting them up above the busy pier to take a look out into the ocean and half of downtown Los Angeles. “Can I tell you a secret?”
“I’m all ears.”
“I was never really fond of heights.” Cordelia confided in him and then turned to face him again with a big smile on her face. “Until now.”
* * *
“You were hungry.” Angel watched from the side as Cordelia shoved another handful of drowned in salt and ketchup French fries from the second plate of the night down her throat.
He leaned forward in the booth, taking a hold of the coffee cup in his spare hand and looked at her eating the greasy food from the corner street diner.
“What can I say?” He managed to decipher from her muffled language.
“Is that all for you today?” The waitress came up to their booth and asked, popping her gum in the most annoying matter.
“Cordy?”
“Oh, uh, I think so. Yeah.” She smiled back at him as the waitress refilled his coffee cup and left the check on the edge of the table.
Cordelia dabbed some more fries into the ketchup and inserted them into her mouth and then reached for her extra-large double chocolate milkshake.
“So, you had fun?”
“Yeah, I did. Thanks. Even thought Lorne and Fred planned it all.”
“Hey, I planned some.”
“Which part? The part where you set off all the pinball machines or the part where you whined to the games director about not winning that oversized teddy bear that you really didn’t need anyhow?” She tilted her head, motioning over to the large blue and white teddy bear sitting across from them in the booth.
“You’re mean.”
“Hey, I’m Cordelia Chase.”
“The Cordelia Chase.”
“You know me best.” Cordelia finished off the plate of fries, pushing them to the side and grabbed a hold of the glass, sipping on the shake a bit more.
“Angel?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
“And I love you.”
After a few more drinks of the shake and ten seconds of silence, she had to ask the question that she had had in her mind she the last phone call with Gretchen.
“You still saving me?”
“Until the end of time, I will be saving you.” He reassured her for what seemed like the thousandth time.
“Good.” She looked back up at him and again gave him one of her signature smiles that he loved and then leaned into his frame.
It seemed like her saving party was over, like everything was coming together. Half of that was true. And the whole truth of it was that it was all the beginning. They sat there for another hour or so before starting back to the hotel where they both knew Fred and Lorne would be up waiting for details.
So, hand in hand and heart to heart, they were promising each other things that were better left unsaid; the silent thank you’s and I love you’s through the wavelengths of the air. And they were saving all the I will save you’s for a rainy day. Because they knew they would need them.
Cordelia looked once more over and up to Angel, smiling when she caught eye of the bear he was holding.
“So, what should we name him?” She inquired.
“I don’t know. What do you think?”
“I think…we should leave it up to Fred.”
Ends.