Title: A Vampire, A Slayer and A Space Hooker
Author: i_glow_like_cordy
Posted: 12-08-2002
Rating:
Email:
Content: Angel /Buffy/Firefly crossover
Summary:
Spoilers:
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution:
Notes:Part 1
FADE IN
INT. SHIP CARGO BAY
ANGLE ON - TOP OF SHIP
A panel falls loose and hits the ground with a large BANG. A figure can be seen. Not sure Who. The sound of ropes is heard as a figure falls to the top. He starts to fall down gracefully Until he stops halfway to the ground. We see now it is SIMON.
SIMON
I'm stuck!
KAYLEE
(from Vent)
What?
SIMON
I'm not moving. I think I'm caught on something.
KAYLEE
You can't 'be caught on something'. It's simple.
You just slide down and you don't stop..
(realizing)
...until we pull on the..Captain!
CAMERA TURNS from KAYLEE to find MAL has pulled on the rope. He finds it hysterical.
MAL
(innocently)
What?
KAYLEE
Gimme that!
Kaylee takes the rope and SIMON continues to slide down.
KAYLEE
It's his first time.
MAL
I never should have agreed to this.
KAYLEE
He's just new, Captain. He'll do you proud.
MAL
He doesn't have to 'do me proud'. All he has
To do is get us the Goods.
KAYLEE
He will, see look. He's on the harness..and
He's spinning round..and round..and round.
ANGLE ON
SIMON as he's lost control of his harness and is now doing backflips above the ground.
INARA
Is anyone else dizzy?
KAYLEE
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Simon stops. He's still disorientated.
MAL
That's it son. It's right in front of you.
No not there. Not there either. No
Not, I give up.
KAYLEE
He's got it see.
(beat, weakly)
He dropped it, see.
STAY ON THIS till we:
CUT TO:
INT. SERENITY-BAY
The Gang, Mal, Inara, Simon, Book and Kaylee are huddled around the table, looking at there findings. It's a large Gold sphere. It has drawings carved into it and is obviously very old.
SIMON
What does it do?
KAYLEE
I don't know? It's either gonna blow us
all up......or play a song.
MAL
I'm hoping for something uptempo.
Raise moral, you know?
KAYLEE
It sure is shiny!
SIMON
Are you sure we should be fiddling
with it?
MAL
Probably not. Makes it more fun.
KAYLEE
I think i got something.
All eyes turn to Kaylee. She's fiddling with something inside the object.
KAYLEE
It's like a switch, or something.
I can't reach it.
INARA
I'm sure I could turn it on.
MAL
(shaking head)
Way too easy. Kaylee, hand over reins
to Inara.
Kaylee walks away, allowing Inara to fiddle with it.
INARA
I got it. Now i just have too........
Inara seems to hit the switch as we
CUT TO:
INT. ANGEL INVESTIGATION'S
The Serenity crew stand in the middle of the lobby, both in shock and aww.
INARA
Not do that!
CUT TO:
INT. ANGEL INVESTIGATION'S - LOBBY - MOMENT'S LATER
The Serenity Gang stand in the empty lobby, adjusting to there new surroundings.
SIMON
We'll that was helpful.
KAYLEE
Where are we? This isn't a ship? This doesn't look like
The ship.
MAL
Kaylee. Breath! We're obviously not on the ship. And
It can't be one of the outer planets.
BOOK
How can you tell?
MAL
Nothing's screwed down.
Everyone is moving in opposite directions, looking at their new surroundings.
INARA
It sure is nice. High class..
MAL
Oh crap!
BOOK
The Use of blasphomey. It can't be that bad.
INARA
Alliance.
BOOK
Crap!
MAL
Everyone remain calm. Reach for your guns.
SIMON
(worried)
I don't have a gun!
MAL
Use Simon as a shield.
At that point, a sound is coming from the office. Someone is heading their way.
ANGLE ON - CORDELIA
As she exits She stops as she see's the SERENITY GANG.
Awkward beat.
ANGLE ON - CORDELIA'S BLANK STARE
ANGLE ON - SERENITY GANG'S AWKWARD STARE
ANGLE ON - CORDELIA'S CONTINUED BLANK STARE
ANGEL(OS)
Cordelia? Who is it?
CORDELIA
It's a cowboy. Angel, it's a cowboy!
OPENING CREDITS
MAL
Who you calling cowboy?
CORDELIA
Hmm...lets see. Holster, gun, hat
Extremely..tight..pants.
(beat)
I know I was going somewhere with this.
ANGEL
Cordelia?
CORDELIA
(alarmed)
Angel! I didn't see nothing.
ANGEL
Huh?
CORDELIA
I like your thinking.
ANGEL
Hi, hello, cowboy?
MAL
I ain't a cowboy! What's a cowboy?
Cordelia begins to laugh loudly, then stops abruptly
CORDELIA
Oh, you're serious?
ANGEL
Who are you?
MAL
Captain Mal Reynolds, Captain aboard Serenity.
ANGEL
Ah captain, you're the captain of a ship?
CORDELIA
We'll that's gotta suck!
Angel throws Cordy an angry look.
CORDELIA
I wish I had an inner monologue!
KAYLEE
Captain. Maybe we shouldn't play
With the glow-y ball
MAL
I'll make a note of it. Say, y'all wouldn't
Happen to know anything about glowy
Things would you?
CORDELIA
Stop looking at me!
ANGEL
We'll I'm Angel. And this is Cordy.
And you all are..
SIMON
Very lost. Where are we?
ANGEL
Los Angeles.
SIMON
What planet is that?
ANGLE ON ANGEL and CORDY - as at the same time they both take a big step back.
CORDELIA
Okay. We'll if you could just give us a minute to
Confer
(starting to walk away)
discuss
(low voice)
Get a mallet!
Cordy and Angel walk into the office, closing the door.
CORDELIA
They're evil.
ANGEL
I think your jumping to conclusion's just a...
CORDELIA
Excuse me? They don't know what planet they're on.
ANGEL
Okay, So they're from a different dimension, sure.
Doesn't make them evil.
CORDELIA
Look at the way they we're dressed.
(not unkind)
Especially the captain.
(beat)
We just talked.
ANGEL
Maybe we should investigate a little further.
You know, talk to them
They start heading for the lobby.
ANGEL (cont)
Get to know more about them before we...
He stops when he notices the now empty lobby.
CORDELIA
(re: the empty lobby)
Huh!
BLACKOUT
ANGEL
Okay, they couldn't have gotten far. We can
Catch up to them. Cordy, what do you think
we should do?
CORDELIA
Oh, we care about this?
ANGEL
Cordy!
CORDELIA
Okay, look, they're new to this world and they
Haven't gotten far.
ANGEL
How do you know?
CORDELIA
They're in the garden.
ANGLE ON - The window from which we can see the Serenity gang marveling
At the plants etc. in the garden.
CORDELIA
Smelling..compost.
ANGLE ON - SIMON as his face scrunches up.
CORDELIA
So I guess we can rule him out as the leader!
ANGEL
So we should, approach them.
CORDELIA
They have guns.
ANGEL
Not a big problem.
CORDELIA
For you!
Angel starts to walk towards them as Cordy follows (keeping a safe distance)
EXT. ANGEL INVESTIGATION'S GARDEN
Angel continues to approach them.
ANGEL
I would have guessed that you lot would have
Been gone by now.
MAL
We'll we we're going to. Then we decide to stay, assess
The situation. Make sure you all aren't a threat and...
KAYLEE
The gates locked.
MAL
That too.
CORDELIA
(to Angel)
Oh yeah, we're dealing with diabolical geniuses.
SIMON
We're smarter than you.
CORDELIA
Say's the man that just smelt cow crap.
SIMON
(horrified)
That's what that was.
ANGEL
Who are you?
SIMON
I'm Simon Tam, I'm the medic aboard ship class
Serenity.
Angel's eyes shoot to Kaylee.
KAYLEE
I fix thing's that need fixing.
ANGEL
Mechanic. Okay, you?
His eye's are now on INARA.
INARA
I'm a companion.
(off their blank expressions)
A companion.
MAL
She's a whore.
KAYLEE
Companion. Com-pan-ion!
MAL
Still a whore, Kaylee.
CORDELIA
We'll that's just...How about you?
This question is directed at Book.
BOOK
I'm a Preacher.
ANGEL
(deadpan)
We'll I've always wanted one those around
Here.
CORDELIA
Suddenly the whore's looking better and better
KAYLEE(OS)
Companion.
ANGEL
And why are you here?
MAL
And where is here?
ANGEL
Los Angeles, California.
MAL
Planet?
CORDELIA
Earth.
Long pause. As this sinks in with everyone.
MAL
(laughing uneasily)
Right, earth. Of course. We'll be going.
ANGEL
Look, why don't you hang out here, for a while.
They stop.
KAYLEE
We can?
CORDELIA
They can?
ANGEL
It's obvious you aren't from around here, or
This planet..or dimension..or whatever.
Look I'm not evil.
(lowly; they don't hear)
Most of the time. So why don't you just stay,
At least till we figure it out.
Mal walks right up to Angel, right in his face.
MAL
There ain't no we.
(looooong beat)
But I don't see the harm in staying, and if
You try anything, we'll kill you.
Serenity gang walk past them into the hotel.
CORDELIA
Sleepover!
Angel and Cordy stay on this for a minute when SCREAMING Is heard.
They rush back to find
INT. LOBBY
Fred and RIVER bumping into each other and screaming at each other. Both seem slightly afraid.
They all observe this as the girls continue to scream and scream.
CORDELIA
Oh great, another one.
Beat.
ANGEL
I think Fred's winning!
CUT TO:
INT. LOBBY -- LATER
ANGEL
So what do we think?
FRED
I think we should just convert this place and turn
It into a damn hotel and be done with it.
Oh, on an unrelated note, I don't think we can trust
Them.
GUNN
I'm with Fred, you say they just appeared?
CORDELIA
More like teleported.
FRED
(excited)
Like on Star Trek.
(awkward beat)
I think Spaceship shows are cool.
CORDELIA
Are you kidding? They're uber-boring. Beside, judging
From their outfits, those people ain't seen a spaceship in
Their lives.
ANGEL
We can't just kick them out.
Long beat.
FRED
Why not?
ANGEL
Huh?
FRED
Just saying they don't exactly look helpless, and it's not
Like they're evil or being hunted down or gonna be sent to
A Hell Dimension, is it?
ANGEL
We help the Helpless, and they're helpless.
CORDELIA
I don't think they want our help.
ANGEL
Luckily we don't care what they want.
Angel walks off.
CORDELIA
Right Okay, gotcha.
CUT TO:
INT. SERENITY HUDDLE
The gang are in the Lobby in a Huddle (all except River looking at a
Ficus plant in aww) The gang are obviously worried.
MAL
Right, what is the first thing we have to do?
SIMON
The first thing we have to do is assign blame,
And I blame Inara.
INARA
What?
SIMON
You're the one that flipped the switch on that
Thing and sent us back to the past.
INARA
You're the one who stole it.
KAYLEE
Yeah!
SIMON
(to Kaylee)
Only because you told me too.
BOOK
Seventh Commandment.
MAL
Don't start Shephard.
SIMON
It is your fault.
INARA
How can you..
MAL
Okay, stop it. Your all to blame. Now, any idea's on how
We're getting home?
BOOK
I do.
MAL
We'll sing it, Preacher.
BOOK
We'll, we are stuck here, and we don't understand this world
And have no way to get home.
SIMON
I thought Preachers we're suppost to be comforting.
BOOK
I'm just saying maybe
(point at Angel gang)
they're our only way home.
Long beat as the gang consider Book's words.
MAL
So looks like we're stuck here!
BLACKOUT
Mal and Angel walk up to each other, very Western-showdownesque.
MAL
Lets cut the Bullcrap.
ANGEL
I think Simon there already did that.
MAL
Who are you, really?
ANGEL
We're demon detectives.
MAL
What's a demon?
ANGEL
Nut-uh. Your turn. Where are you from?
MAL
Cargo ship called Firefly.
ANGEL
Now just to be clear, this is a...
MAL
Spaceship.
ANGEL
Spaceship, right? Cause your from the year....
MAL
26th Century.
ANGEL
Ah, ha.
(long beat)
Are you sure?
MAL
What?
ANGEL
Nothing. I'll be back.
CUT TO:
INT. ANGEL'S OFFICE - MINUTES LATER
The gang is all there.
LORNE
Did you find out anything?
ANGEL
(a little weak)
A tidbit. A nibble if you will.
CORDY
We'll, straight to it, there from..
ANGEL
26th Century
CORDY
(finishing her line)
..a Prison Rodeo. What?
FRED
They're from the future.
ANGEL
Uh-huh.
CORDELIA
Finally, an explanation for those clothes.
(re: clothes)
Actually come to think of it the future scares me
Now.
LORNE
I think I need a drink.
Lorne goes over to his mini bar and pours himself a drink. He sets it down on the Table and turns his back to get a lemon slice. Cordy grabs the drink.
CORDY
Thank You.
LORNE
Okay you're on my list.
LORNE pulls out a pad and pen and starts writing.
ANGLE ON -LORNE'S ENEMY PAD. It reads.
1. Angel for destroying my bar
2. Cordy's Hairstylist
3. Angel for his version of 'I did it my way" That Bastard.
4. Lee DeMarco.
5. Angel for destroying my club (which included my bar)
Lorne then adds a "Number 6" 'Cordy for stealing my drink"
CORDY
(sad)
uhh.
LORNE looks at her sympathetically, then adds to the note.
A smiley face
"Cordy for stealing my drink" J
Cordy perks up at seeing this.
LORNE
So what do we do now?
ANGEL
We do what we always do in a crisis.
CORDELIA
Oh no. Where's my earplugs.
Cordy runs off.
FRED
Right behind you!
Fred runs off as we
CUT TO:
MAL
And I'm suppost to just believe you?
LORNE
Yes.
KAYLEE
(observing Lorne re:demon)
Can I just ask?
CORDELIA
Radiation leak. Poor Lorne didn't see that
Big truck a-coming.
KAYLEE
Are we suppost to buy that?
CORDELIA
Could you just?
MAL
Look, for now, I don't care what he is,
All I care is about getting home. What
Do I have to do?
LORNE
Just belt it out, Big guy.
Mal goes to reach for his Gun.
LORNE
Hey, hey, none of that. A song. Belt
A song you know? You still have songs
Right?
MAL
I don't sing.
ANGEL
See, afraid. I myself have been told
I'm not too bad at the old Karaoke,
CORDELIA
(to AI gang)
What have I told you guy's about
Encouraging him?
KAYLEE
Come on Cap'n. I bet you got a really
Pretty voice.
CORDELIA
(lowly)
Would match the rest of him.
MAL
I don't sing. And nuthin' is gonna
Convince me otherwise.
CUT TO:
MAL
(singing)
Our love for him now
ain't hard to explain
THE HERO OF MUDSORE!
THE MAN THEY CALL JAYNE!
(stops singing)
Well?
ANGEL
(coughing)
Off-key.
CUT TO:
INT. ANGEL INVESTIGATIONS
MAL
We'll?
ANGEL
Lorne?
ANGLE ON - LORNE who is speechless, and not in a good way.
ANGEL
Lorne? What is it? What did you see?
MAL
Listen, I ain't sing a ballad for nuthin'.
What is he, Broken?
LORNE
You!
This one word stop's all conversation
LORNE
It's all because of you!
And with that, Lorne leaves, heading up towards his room without
A word.
KAYLEE
Cap'n? What did you do?
CORDELIA
Nothing. We have to go.
MAL
Of course you do. We'll, so do we?
FRED
What?
MAL
We ain't stickin' around wit' you freaks
To be left in the dark and used.
(a little hurt)
Or have our marginally good singing
Voices be insulted.
Cap'n don't answer to no one.
ANGEL
You ain't the Captain!
Everyone looks at Angel, who looks pissed.
ANGEL
Not around here. Your in my ship now and
If I tell you to stay, You Stay!
Long beat.
MAL
And if I don't? You don't exactly inspire confidence.
Angel is now right in Mal's face.
ANGEL
My friend.
WE can now hear the sound's of Lorne regurgitating in the bathroom.
ANGEL
The one who is now puking in the bathroom?
That was because of your down trotting,
And may I say, mediocre singing.
CORDELIA
Mediocre? Usually It's the thought of Angel's
Singing that makes us throw up.
ANGEL
That's because whatever he saw when you we're
Singing is bad. And it's coming. Now, if you scraps
Can help me fight it, I'm greatful for the help.
Get in my way, and it's gonna come down to who's
Got the darker, dark side.
Angel start's walking towards the room where Lorne is.
MAL
And how do you know mine ain't?
Angel stops.
ANGLE ON
Angel's face as he turns around with a small smile to Mal.
ANGEL
Trust me!
And with that Angel heads towards Lorne.
INT. OFFICE
Angel approaches Lorne.
LORNE
Hey Angel, you weren't particularly attached
To that Fern over there, where you?
Cordy and the gang enter.
CORDELIA
Okay, what's up with the barf-a-thon.
ANGEL
What did you see?
LORNE
I ain't narrating without a drink, here
Kiddies.
Fred goes to head out the office.
LORNE
(to Fred)
Oh sweetie, you don't have to do that?
FRED
(charmed)
I don't?
LORNE
No, there's a bottle hidden under Angel's
Desk.
FRED reaches under and is surprised to find a bottle. The whole
Gang look at Lorne.
LORNE
What?
ANGEL
Time to canary, Lorne.
LORNE
It's coming. And when it get's here, it'll stop.
ANGEL
What will?
CLOSE UP on LORNE
LORNE
Time, itself!
BLACKOUT
INT. ANGEL'S OFFICE - MOMENT'S LATER
ANGEL
Time, is gonna stop?
(then)
That's it?
LORNE
(upset)
"That's it" What do you mean, "That's it"
You are stepping on my dramatic,
Shocking revelation!
ANGEL
Lorne, we've done this before.
FRED
When?
CORDELIA
Yeah, when?
ANGEL
(shy-ly)
You know, it was, umm, you know, when I....
CORDELIA
Oh, the time you fired us all, threw us out onto
The streets, abandoned us and allowed Wesley to
Get shot?
ANGEL
Yes that would be the time.
(beat)
I love you.
Cordy smiles at this, what a dork!
LORNE
No, Angel food, this is different, as in, you can't
Stop it.
ANGEL
What?
LORNE
When it arise's
CUT TO
EXT. LOS ANGELE'S FREEWAY - ESTABLISHING
LORNE(VO)
When it get's here,
A rumbling is seen through the pavement.
LORNE(VO)
It all stops. And then, nothing's separate.
Time seethes to exist. Past Present and
Future become one. Entities that we're dead
Become Alive, and people who are alive..
INT. ANGEL'S OFFICE
ANGEL
Die.
LORNE
You got it bud!
ANGEL
So we band together with the kiddie coral
And stop it.
LORNE
You can't!
ANGEL
Lorne, your not being helpful.
LORNE
You want the truth. Fine. You can't do, anything,
Angel. I don't know what this is
INT. FREEWAY
The road is just on the edge of cracking.
LORNE(VO)
I don't know what it look's like, or what it's
Called. I don't know If it kills you by burning
Your inside's alive or hitting you with pillow's.
All I know is one thing.
ANGEL
Which is?
LORNE
There's only one person who can stop it!
CUT TO
POPULAR KID
..and I'm under a lot of pressure, you know.
What with, having to stay fashionable, do
You think this look just put's itself together.
This is extremely we'll thought out planning.
I pratically need a friken Blue print to get
Dressed in the morning. And in order to do
This, I have to neglect a few responsibilities
Like school and Homework and actually being
Nice to people, but it's worth it.
PULL back to see Buffy continuously banging her Head against a table
POPULAR KID(OS)
Don't'cha think.
CUT TO
EXT. LOS ANGELES ROAD
The pavement of the road gives as a HUGE IRON FIST punches it's
Way through. All we see Is it's arm, which is encased in an Iron
Covering.
INTERCUT WITH
INT. BUFFY'S BEDROOM
Buffy's is asleep, seeing everything, tossing and turning, and it's becoming more
And more violent.
EXT. LOS ANGELES ROAD
The arm starts to move back and forth, breaking the Tarmac and making the
Hole bigger and bigger.
INT. BUFFY'S BEDROOM
The Dream Is now so bad that Buffy's pratically being thrown across the bedroom.
VOICE
Your gonna try and stop me, Aren't you?
You should. This is where your suppost to
Be. But not for the reason's you think!
Buffy wakes up screaming. We hear Footsteps as DAWN comes running into the room.
DAWN
Buffy?
Buffy, is now sitting upright, alittle spooked by her dream.
DAWN
Buffy?
BUFFY
Dawnie?
DAWN
Are you okay?
BUFFY
(sincerely)
Don't know.
Buffy walks over to the Window, looking out of it.
DAWN
Buffy. It was just a dream.
BUFFY
A dream can be a dangerous thing.
DAWN
It's Okay, Buffy. Your awake, and it was just
A dream.
Buffy doesn't answer, just keep's staring out the window.
BUFFY
Pack a bag.
DAWN
What?
BUFFY
Wanna see Hollywood?
DAWN looks at her curiously as we:
CUT TO
INT. AI LOBBY
River is shaking violently, as Simon tries to calm her down. She looks terrified.
RIVER
It's coming. It's here. Can't be here.
Here smells of death.
SIMON
River. It's Okay.
RIVER
It wear's a mask. Won't see it coming.
ANGEL and the gang rushes out of the office.
ANGEL
Is she okay?
MAL
Stay back.
RIVER
There's a piece missing. The Jigsaw is missing
A piece. But the piece will be found. It's from
Underneath, and it's gonna come out to play.
GUNN
Can't you shut her up?
MAL
Keep it shut, son.
GUNN
Son?
SIMON
River, It's okay, We're gonna make it okay.
RIVER
Ain't gonna be strong enough.
SIMON
Yes we are
(re: Angel gang)
We got help, see?
RIVER
No you won't. It's all gonna come down to her.
SIMON
Her?
CUT TO
INT. SUMMER'S HOME - MORNING
BUFFY and DAWN are rushing around the house, packing quickly.
DAWN
What about the gang. Maybe Willow could...
BUFFY
What? Stand there and not do magic
On it.
DAWN
What about Anya?
BUFFY
No Dawn!
DAWN
Why can't they...?
BUFFY
(forceful)
Dawn. They just can't.
DAWN
Then why can I?
BUFFY
Do you wanna stay?
DAWN
No.
BUFFY
Dawn. I know you've come far in your Training. Infact,
Next to me you're the strongest person in the group.
You've got grace, hand to hand combo, speed, intelegence.
Dawn smiles at all the compliments.
BUFFY
But your never gonna trust all that until you have to.
Whatever this thing is, It's gonna end the world. This
Is the first fight, where I have this feeling.
DAWN
What feeling?
BUFFY
That we can't win.
DAWN
I still say we should take the gang.
BUFFY
Dawn. During our training, I saw something in you.
DAWN
What?
BUFFY
Me. I don't know why? I just know you have to be there.
And I just know the rest of them can't.
The sound of the front door is heard opening.
WILLOW(OS)
Hey.
BUFFY
(to Dawn)
Have you got your things.
WILLOW
Hey Summer's, Wanna go and see...What's going
On?
BUFFY
Nothing.
WILLOW
Is there a big bad?
INTERCUT WITH
An Image of Willow's dead corpse.
BACK TO
BUFFY appears to have seen the image.
BUFFY
No. Let's go Dawn.
WILLOW
Where are you going?
DAWN
L....A.
Dawn looks at Buffy who is obviously pissed.
WILLOW
Why? Something's happening? I'll call Xander.
Buffy closes her eyes again as she sees
INTERCUT
Xander screaming in pain as he gently close's his eye's, and dies.
BACK TO
BUFFY
Willow!
Willow stops and turns to Buffy. Buffy looks at her sadly.
BUFFY
(stroking her hair)
You know I love you, right?
WILLOW
Of course.
BUFFY
Good.
Whack! Buffy send's Willow flying backwards into the wall, she hits it
Then goes unconscious. Dawn is shocked.
DAWN
Buffy?
BUFFY
We have to go! Now Dawn.
DAWN
You didn't have to backhand Willow. It's not
That bad!
Dawn looks at the serious look on Buffy's face. She realizes it
Is that bad.
ANGLE ON
Willow on the ground unconscious as we
CUT TO
EXT. LOS ANGELES ROAD
The hole is now big enough for the monster to get through and as he
Does we finally get to see how big he actually is. He towers over
Everything. He stand's so big that he would overtower anyone in height
And gurth. He has metal placlets on his arms, shins and a mini helmet
Thing on his head. His face looks demon-y.
MONSTER
And with his rising, the bodies of man will
Cower at his feet. The blood shall flows as
Wine at the last meal and with the falling
of an Angel, the Devil shall have a face
on earth.
(beat)
Screw that.
(excitedly)
I'm in LA!
CUT TO:
INT. ANGEL INVESTIGATION'S
RIVER
It's here. There are piece's of the world,
Lying on the ground, and it's gonna take
It away, come out to play, take it away,
Come out to play, take it...
ANGEL
Is anyone taking notes?
CORDELIA
Okay let's see. Jigsaw puzzle. Take it away,
Come out to play. Simon?
SIMON
I don't know. I guess it's just...nonsense.
CORDELIA
And you're a doctor of what? Exactly?
FRED
Look, obviously something is coming, so shouldn't
We becoming up with like, a plan.
GUNN
Yeah, and maybe getting really big Guns,
(changing mind)
Shotguns,
(again)
bazooka's.
ANGEL
Doesn't sound too bad. Gunn, hit the streets,
Get us as much ammo as you can muster. Don't
Hold back.
GUNN
Gotcha.
Gunn gets up and start's to leave.
ANGEL
We've got to be on Guard. We don't what this thing
Is.
CUT TO
EXT. LOS ANGELES FREEWAY
GUNN driving along the Freeway.
ANGEL(VO)
Or where it's going to appear.
Gunn continues to drive. The radio on full blast. Hold on this for a
Bit, then
Gunn turns his head and looks at the back of his truck where stacks
Of ammo are now safely lodged at.
GUNN
Whatever this thing is. We're giving it VIP
Privelage. The full package.
Gunn turns around to see the Monster standing. Gunn goes to hit the breaks
When the monster actually FLIPS the TRUCK.
The truck goes flying in the air and lands on the Ground crashing. It
Lies in a wreck.
The Monster begins to walk away when
The Truck GOES UP IN A BLAZE OF FIRE with a HUGE EXPLOSION.
The Monster continues to walk away as the truck continues to burn.
CUT TO:
CORDELIA
Noooooooooooo!!!
Everyone is around Cordelia, who is in mid-vision. She holds her
Head with tears streaming down her face.
RIVER
Blood on it's hand. The light just went out,
And we don't know how we're gonna turn
It back on.
ANGEL
Cordy, What'cha see.
CORDELIA
(sobbing)
It can't be. It just can't.
ANGEL
Cordelia. What is it?
CORDELIA
Gunn is Dead!
BLACKOUT
INT. DEMON'S ANONYMOUS MEETING
DEMON
I'm not a bad guy, you know?
I mean I'm not evil....
(starts to cry)
I just want to be evil.
COUNSELLOR
We all do. But sometimes we have
To face up to the facts that not all
Of us where put on this world to bring
About it's destruction.
Hands demon a tissue.
DEMON
Thank You.
(very loudly blow's nose)
You know, I'm feeling alittle better, you
Know. With the venting of feelings. I
Think I'm gonna be okay.
COUNSELLOR
Yeah, grackner. Round of applause people.
The door suddenly caves in as THE MONSTER comes bursting.Through the door.
He stands breath pure rage. Very tense, until
The COUNSELLOR begins to clap.
COUNSELLOR
My, we'll done on channeling that rage.
Round of applause.
Only slight clapping is heard as the demon's are scared shitless. The monster starts
Rushing over and we see KELVIN sitting in the group.
MONSTER
Where are they?
KELVIN
Woahow man. This is a closed session. Very exclusive.
MONSTER
You don't talk your spine will be excluded from your body.
KELVIN
Wow
(to the group, crazy sign)
Issues!
MONSTER
I look for the one the one they call Angel.
KELVIN
Look man, I don't know what..
The monster goes to snap his neck
KELVIN
Okay, okay, Hyperion hotel. That's where you'll find
Him.
MONSTER
Thanks.
Snap! The monster breaks Kelvin's neck. He lies on the ground. He walks out leaving a Very dead Kelvin behind him.
COUNSELLOR
Okay, I'm sensing a little negativity.
CUT TO:
INT. FRED'S OLD HOTEL ROOM
She lies quietly on the bed, tear stains still down her face. A sound is heard at the door. It's CORDY.
CORDY
Fred? Are you okay?
(beat)
We'll not okay, cause of.
Do you want me to go?
Nothing is said.
CORDY
Oooookay.
FRED
Why'd he hafta die?
CORDY
I don't know. Fred. And, I can't imagine how your
Feeling, but I do know what your going through.
FRED
No you don't.
CORDY
It will get better Fred. Slowly every day.
FRED
How dare you. What. I'm just suppost to forget
Charles. Is that what your saying?
CORDY
No. I'm just saying that...
FRED
You have no idea what I'm going through.
You've never lost anyone close to you.
CORDY
(weakly)
That's not true.
FRED
Oh what, you're little freaky irish friend.
Bet you we're glad he died, gave you nice
Vision package, didn't he?
CORDY
(warningly)
Fred.
FRED
Bet you we're glad when he died.
SMACK! Cordy smacks Fred hard across the face. Cordy has a tear
Down her face as she runs out of the room.
EXT. ROOM
Cordy leans against the wall.
CORDY
(tear stained)
God this hurts
(beat)
This really hurts
(beat)
Oh Fu..
Cordy flies backwards into the wall as she is struck with a vision.
INTERCUT WITH
INT. LOBBY
Angel hears Cordy's cries and starts running up the stairs.
ANGEL
Cordy? Cordelia?
Cordy's vision ends as he reaches her.
ANGEL
Cordy, are you in pain?
Cordy looks sadly at Fred's door.
CORDELIA
Yeah.
ANGEL
Cordy. The vision?
CORDELIA
It was Horrible.
ANGEL
What was it?
CUT TO:
INT. CAR
DAWN
(singing N'sync)
ain't no lie
Bye Bye Bye
BUFFY
(agitated)
If you don't stop singing that. Your
Going Bye Bye Bye.
DAWN
You know, I bet there's people in LA
Who appreciate my singing.
BUFFY
We'll see if we can find some deaf mutes later
Dawn, as soon as we stop the Apocolypse.
DAWN
Is it really that bad?
BUFFY
Oh yeah.
DAWN
So, what is it? What do you know?
BUFFY
Something underground, is going to come up, and somehow
Brings about the end of the world.
DAWN
That all?
BUFFY
Pretty much.
DAWN
Hmm.
Beat.
DAWN
Are we there yet?
Buffy starts to slow down the car.
BUFFY
Almost Dawn.
DAWN
And with the slowing down of the car.
That implies stoppage.
Dawn look at Buffy to see she's studying something ahead. It's
THE WRECKAGE OF GUNN'S TRUCK.
BUFFY
Poor guy.
DAWN
We'll, maybe he got out of the car before
It....Oh!!!
Dawn is horrified as Gunn's body is wheeled out.
BUFFY
(sadly)
Maybe.
CUT TO:
MAL
Okay, we gotta find a way to get home.
SIMON
I told you before. We probably can't get home
Without the time warp ball.
KAYLEE
And that would be where?
SIMON
Do I look like I know?
KAYLEE
Okay Simon, I haven't seen you in anything but
A suit. Let's not play this game
SIMON
We'll maybe one day you'll see me without
The suit.
(beat)
With other clothes on, obviously.
KAYLEE
We'll stick with your first line.
Simon looks at Kaylee surprised as she starts to move to the
Other side.
MAL
Look, it's not like any of us have seen the ball.
RIVER
It was shiny.
Beat.
MAL
Yes it was. We need to find the other way
Home cause we....
RIVER
And It was gold and valuable. We have to sell
It for money. Or credit. 'cause that's what you
Do, what with the stealing.
MAL
Sounds good, but first maybe...
RIVER
Don't worry. I hid it good so no-one but you could have
It. Got make a sale. Keep flying.
MAL
Now your getting it, we....What?
BOOK
She know's where it is?
KAYLEE
We can go home.
SIMON
River. Where is the ball?
RIVER
I'm not that stupid. Can't tell you.
MAL
Okay, yeah, River?
RIVER
Hide it.
MAL
Where?
RIVER
The great beast.
MAL
Which is?
RIVER points to the MONSTER who is now standing in front
Of the lobby.
MONSTER
Do I need a reservation?
BLACKOUT
The Monster walks in camly. Obviously confident.
MONSTER
Looking for Angel
ANGEL
I'm Angel.
The Monster chuckles.
MONSTER
You're the Champion.
SIMON
What is that?
MONSTER
It's the things that's going to rip
Out your spine and beat you to death.
MAL
(sarcastically)
Great.
(off everyone's look)
It's an extra weapon.
MONSTER
Hahahahahaha. Stupid Mortal. I am the
Arisen one. He of the purest demon blood
Who shall arise above his kingdom, and
Claim the land above of his own. I am
unstoppable. I am oww, OWW!
The monster is now CRYING. Holding his eyes.
ANGLE ON -- MAL
Who is standing with a soiled covered hand next to the plantpot.
ANGLE ON - INARA and KAYLEE
They start kicking the demon in his shins. He grabs his shins, then falls in pain
MONSTER
Quit that?
ANGEL
You're the Great beast. The "Arisen one"?
MONSTER
Don't mock Me. Or I shall tear you down
From uphigh and shower the blood of
The champion
The Monster is now up on his feet, close enough to take a swing at Fred.
MONSTER
Maybe I should start right now.
The Monster swings at Fred with the large blade attached to his iron casing.
The large blade goes RIGHT THROUGH HER. Unfortunately for the MONSTER, I mean that literally as it goes through Her in a Hologram like effect, leaving her fine.
MONSTER
(off everyone's look)
Damn!
BLACKOUT
ANGEL
Ummm....
MONSTER
I know what your thinking.
CORDELIA
It's like he's impotent.
MONSTER
(deeply offended)
Hey. I am anything but. I just have a little
'quirk'.
ANGEL
Quirk?
MONSTER
Thousand year's ago. Funny story this.
I'm above ground, enjoying my day,
You know, because of the slaughtering.
ANGEL
Right.
MONSTER
Anyway, I happen to see these Three women,
Beauties I might add adjacent on the top of
The hill. How could I resist? They where
Practically begging me.
ANGEL
Begging you?
MONSTER
We'll you know, to stop. So I get up to the hill
And 'swoosh', off with their heads kinda deal.
ANGEL
And you killed them all.
MONSTER
You'd think, wouldn't ya? Unfortunately one
Of them ducked.
ANGEL
She got away?
MONSTER
I followed her back to this
(pause; beat)
Coven and...
ANGEL
And then you...?
MONSTER
Okay, So maybe I
(air quotes)
"Slaughtered" the whole of their coven.
But come on, what did they expect,
I'm evil, you know?
ANGEL
Vaguely
MONSTER
And I don't even know what they we're
So pissed off about?
ANGEL
Maybe slaughtering their coven.
MONSTER
We'll there's that. But I didn't get them
All
(i.e. curse)
Obviously. Instead they curse me that I
Can't harm any living human being.
And that's like the funnest part of my
Work.
CORDELIA
That was a Funny little story?
MONSTER
We'll not "haha" funny.
MAL
Let's kill him.
MONSTER
I know the story wasn't exactly 'Walden',
It was a have to be their kind of deal.
MAL
Because your evil.
MONSTER
Right.
Mal charges and starts hitting the monster. The Monster doesn't do anything.
MONSTER
(calmly)
Come on, quit it.
INARA
Mal...?
Mal whacks the demon across the head with a broom.
MONSTER
Okay, that was downright Inconsiderate.
INARA
Mal, What are you doing?
MAL
He can't hurt us, remember.
BOOM. Mal is sent flying across the room in a shot of electrical energy.
MAL look's up at the monster. Shocked.
MAL
(groggily)
I thought he couldn't hurt a human
INARA
Mal. You Idiot. Are you okay?
MAL
You lied to us?
MONSTER
Oh because I have to follow the Apocolyptic
Demon's code of conduct.
(points to himself)
Evil!
Mal is still in a fit of "what the?"
MONSTER
And for the record, I couldn't harm them by
Physically touching them. So I had to stock
Up with some superpowers.
After all
(beat, points at door)
There are some weirdo's out there.
ANGEL
And now you want to kill me?
MONSTER
Oh no, no, no....No.
(beat)
We'll Yes.
ANGEL
Thought so. Let's go. Me and You. You can't hurt them.
MONSTER
That's where your wrong. Might not be able
To touch them.
He pulls out a Clear glass ball that has electrical currents.
MONSTER
Doesn't make 'em safe.
ANGEL
Everyone duck.
The ball of energy goes flying through the air and hits the back wall taking it
Out completely. The Monster and Angel go at it, the Monster takes a swing
With the blade. It catches Angel across the stomach.
Angel tries to punch him. The Monster catches Angel's fist in his hand and
'crunch' crushes it. Blood starts to pour from it.
MONSTER
Can I just say that is my favorite sound ever.
River is starting to become worse and worse
RIVER
Heelllppp me!!!!!!
Simon runs right to her.
Angel is smacked to the ground. He is extremely weak.
MONSTER
It's time for your suffering to end.
RIVER
It's going to kill us.
SIMON
They're trying to help us.
RIVER
Can't. It hide's....underneath the face of
An Angel.
DEMON
Time to make with the cryptic.
It's From Underneath.
It grabs Angel by the shirt at his chest as light pours out from Angel.
DEMON
And it wants to come out to play.
Angel's eye's are bright as an unseen presence course's through him. He lifts his
Face to reveal ANGELUS.
MONSTER
(to Cordy)
We'll that was one hell of a Twist, huh?
CUT TO:
INT. BUFFY'S CAR
DAWN
Do you think we've missed anything important?
BLACKOUT
TBC