Title: Futuristic
Author: i_glow_like_cordy
Posted: 04-14-2003
Email:
Rating:
Category:
Content:
Summary: Sequel to Remembrance.
Spoilers:
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution:
Notes:
Feedback:
FADE IN
INT. SUNNYDALE LIBRARY 1997
WE PICK UP where we left off with 2003 Angel and Cordy having returned home.
WILLOW
It's good that we sent them home. right?
BUFFY
Yeah, now i can go on with my life in the knowledge
the love of my life is married to my mortal enemy.
It;s horrible, it's like there's a huge gaping hole......right
in the middle of the library.
ANGLE ON THE FLOOR where indeed, the portal is getting bigger.
BUFFY
(to Willow)
Are you sure the spell you did was right?
(beat)
Is it me.......or is it getting bigger???
WILLOW
It is kinda shiny.
GILES
Nothing to worry about.
BUFFY
Ya think?
(beat; nothing)
Giles?
THE CAMERA PULLS back to reveal GILES isn't there.
XANDER
Where did he go?
beat.
BUFFY
You're an idiot.
The portal opens wider and sucks them in sending them flying into
INT. LA - 2003 ANGEL INVESTIGATION'S
The gang land with a bang on the floor of Angel Investigation's. After a beat.
XANDER
Willow did a spell that went wrong.
(beat)
Huh!
OPENING CREDITS
ANGEL
Buffy?
CORDELIA
What are you doing here?
P. BUFFY
Oh you know, you we're kind enough to come into the
past and crush all my hopes and dreams and........why
are we here?
P.XANDER
Because we accidently fell into the portal
P.BUFFY
There you go.
CORDELIA
Well Welcome to the future. It kinda sucks.
P.BUFFY
How bad can it be?
CORDELIA
You've died.
P. BUFFY
For a minute, right?
CORDELIA
No, three months.
OFF Buffy's confusion.
CORDELIA
Willow almost destroyed the world.
The sound of the door opening is heard.
XANDER
What have i done?
CORDELIA
Anya.
XANDER
Huh?
A familiar voice is heard from the doors.
BUFFY(2003)
Hey guy's, we're here......moderately on time.
The Present gang stop as they are now viewing their dopplegangers
P. BUFFY
Hey it's us.
P. WILLOW
Hey us.
ANGLE ON 2003 Gang, who look like they've seen ghosts. They shout.
XANDER
Demon.
BUFFY
Buffybot,
WILLOW
Skanky Lesbian vampire version of myself.
They charge at the suprised past-ees and start wailing on them. The Past Gang are shocked as are Angel Investigations.
ANGEL
Buffy, Buffy, it's okay. Okay, I know
what you must be thinking.
WILLOW
Did we miss the wedding?
ANGEL
Yeah.
WILLOW
Damn you Xander Harris.
BUFFY
Let me see the ring.
Cordy show's it to her excitedly.
BUFFY
(disapointed)
It's better than the one he gave me.
ANGEL
It is my wedding ring.
BUFFY
No excuse to be thrifty.
ANGEL
The ring i gave you was ancient and sacred
BUFFY
So you didn't even give me a new ring?
Angel looks about, not knowing what to say
BUFFY
I'm playing.
ANGEL
Oh Thank your god
CORDELIA
My rings really better?
BUFFY
My ring brought him back from Hell.
ANGEL
Actually that was the Powers........you wanna play
it that way. Besides you can't be jealous. You've
got Spike.
CORDELIA
We're guessing that's a good thing. Hey your the
one who's in love with Spike.
P.XANDER
She's what?
P.BUFFY
(coughing in shock)
I'm what?
WILLOW
(gently)
In love with Spike.
P.BUFFY
Okay people. Our number one prioity when
we get home. Stake Spike!
BUFFY
He has a soul.
P.BUFFY
I don't care if his blood is the miracle cure
for cancer, Spike is goin' down.
ANGEL
(jealous)
Spike has a soul?
CORDELIA
Are you jealous?
ANGEL
No. It just cheapens it alittle for me.
CORDELIA
Your's is better.
ANGEL
(to gang)
Really?
WILLOW
Well, spike can't really lose his......and you
have that whole curse thing......
BUFFY
Looking for comfort here Will.
XANDER
Spike slaughtered a bunch of people, with soul.
ANGEL
I've done that too.
Off the gangs silence
CORDELIA
Loving the comfort here.
(beat)
Will, how's Kennedy.
WILLOW
Good, good.
P.WILLOW
Who's Kennedy?
BUFFY
Umm........
P.BUFFY
I like that name Will. He sounds butch.
Cordelia bursts out laughing, which slowly dies down.
CORDELIA
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for laughing.
(beat; light laughter, wiping tear)
I'm such a bitch.
Long beat. Willow is looking extremely confused.
CORDELIA
This is gonna be good.
(beat)
Willow. You're kinda gay.
P.WILLOW
I'm gay?
(beat)
I'm gay and you didn't tell me this?
CORDELIA
I told Xander
P.XANDER
No you didn't
CORDELIA
Yes I did.
P. XANDER
No you........
Xander stops as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a now crunched up postet. He unscrunches it to see it reads "Talk to Willow re:gayness"
P. XANDER
Oh right. Willow, honey
P.WILLOW
Screw you Xander.
(to Willow)
I'm really gay?
WILLOW
Kinda.
(beat)
Hey Cordy?
CORDELIA
Yeah?
WILLOW
Why the Hell am i looking at myself?
CORDELIA
Funny story. I kinda travelled into the past.
P.GILES
She time-travelled.
CORDELIA
Yahhh!!!!!!
Cordy shrieks loudly, terrified. Then turns arounds to see Giles.
CORDELIA
Someone put a freeking bell on him.
(beat; cheery)
Hi Giles. I can't believe you came for the wedding.
(beat)
Why are you dressed as a librarian?
(realises)
What vintage is he?
P.BUFFY
1997
CORDELIA
Giles didn't come for the wedding?
BUFFY
He's on his way. Plane got delayed.
XANDER
At least you've got a replacement Giles till he get's here.
P.GILES
I am not a replacement Giles.
BUFFY
(looking at herself)
How cute was my hair back then?
ANGEL
Focus please.
Everyone turns to Angel.
ANGEL
We have a more pressing issue at hand.
WILLOW
Yeah. Who's the better group?
ANGEL
What?
WILLOW
Which of us are you more happy to see?
ANGEL
I......uhhh.....I
WILLOW
I love doing that to him.
ANGEL
You guy's suck.
BUFFY
What's the pressing issue?
ANGEL
We'll last time....
BUFFY
That's a good question.
ANGEL
What?
BUFFY
Who is the better group?
XANDER
Or he could just impale himself on a stake now.
Cordelia burst out laughing again. So does Angel alittle. Then they are full out laughter, cheery.
BUFFY
(to Xander)
I guess it's true. Married couples have a secret code.
XANDER
Then why are Fred and Gunn laughing.
WILLOW
Menage a trois? plus one?
BUFFY
I do not judge.
CORDELIA
Guy's, we have a little announcement to make.
P.WILLOW
It's obvious, isn't it?
ANGEL
You can tell?
P.WILLOW
We're the better group.
P.BUFFY
Yeah.
BUFFY
What?
WILLOW
We're the better friends.
P.WILLOW
And that is based on what?
WILLOW
We travelled Five hours for this wedding.
P.WILLOW
We travelled Five years.
Beat.
XANDER
They got us beat.
BUFFY
We'll at least our Willow isn't dressed for a flood.
P.WILLOW/WILLOW
(same time)
Hey!
BUFFY
My bad, Will.
ANGEL
People!
(beat)
I love you all.
XANDER
Even me?
ANGEL
We have to focus.
P.XANDER
He keeps saying that.
XANDER
I think we have to listen to him
P.XANDER
Oh lord.
ANGEL
People, remember when Cordy went on her magical adventure,
it was because there was a demon trying to kill Buffy.
P.XANDER
Point! We're looking for a point.
ANGEL
We we're sent to stop it.
P.BUFFY
Meaning we've been sent into the future to.....
P.WILLOW
Stop some evil thing....
P.BUFFY
And learn and grow and yada-yada.
P.XANDER
Okay, I just want to get this straight. We've been sent to the
future because......let me get it out......we have to stop and evil
that......this is the best part......
(point to 2003 gang)
....to stop and evil these guys couldn't!
XANDER
Is it wrong to kick my own ass.
P.XANDER
Like you could.
XANDER
Bring it on.
The Xander's start to move around, circling each other.
P.BUFFY
(to Buffy)
Shouldn't we stop this?
BUFFY
Probably.
(beat)
I kinda want to watch.
P.BUFFY
Thank god i had the guts to say that.
ANGLE ON
INT. LOBBY DESK
where Angel and Cordy are watching the precedings.
CORDELIA
This is so wrong.
ANGEL
You're right.
(beat)
50 dollars?
CORDELIA
(slamming money down)
Now that's a bet!
ANGLE ON
The Xanders.They are now encircling each other. Past Xander charges at current Xander, who puts his foot out and trips him, causing him to fall down.
CORDELIA
Yes!
(sing-song)
Go Xander, Go Xander, Go Xander
P.Xander get's back up.
P.XANDER
You bet against me?
CORDELIA
(point to face)
Look at how surprised I look.
(her face does nothing)
Did you get that? Let me do it again.
(Again, her face makes no expression)
Xander charges at Past Xander, who flips him over. He punches Xander.
ANGLE ON
BUFFY who walks over to Angel and Cordy.
CORDELIA
(guilty)
I know what your going to say.
BUFFY
I'm in for Fifty!
BACK TO:
The Xander's, As Past Xander lands a great blow that sends Xander down.
P. WILLOW
1,2,3 He's out.
CORDELIA
Oh my God, Xander, are you good for nothing?
ANGEL
Thank you very much, and to make this victory so much
more sweeter, i think I'll buy my first proper meal with it.
CORDELIA
You're a rather petty man.
BUFFY
Taking Cordelia's money. It's a good feeling.
CORDELIA
Boy, did i bet on a dead horse.
XANDER
At least I don't have an Eight year old boy's haircut
CORDELIA
At least i went through with my wedding.
XANDER
Hey!
CORDELIA
Sorry.
(to Angel)
Everyone's so sensitive.
FRED
(to Xander)
You never talk about the Hair!
CORDELIA
Oh my god. I see it.
GILES
Is it a vision?
CORDELIA
I can see.....with my vision.
XANDER
What's in the vision?
CORDELIA
Dumbass, I can see the demon at the top of the stairs
with my vision.
They all look up to see a Huge Demon standing at the top of the stairs.
CORDELIA
One Demon, versus Two Slayers and a witch. I like those odds.
BUFFY
Plus a Vampire.
CORDELIA
(worried)
Where?
BUFFY
Angel.
CORDELIA
Oh right......cause Angel is a vicious, blood thirsty vamp----
(off his look)
------defanged Vampire who's Vampire tendancy's are impotent.
ANGEL
Hey!
CORDELIA
I'm not good with words, am I?
ANGEL
Don't worry, I married you for your looks.
Cordy smiles. They kiss.
P.WILLOW
Angel, maybe you should get Vampy
ANGEL
Why?
WILLOW
Aren't you stronger when your a vampire?
ANGEL
You know, there's a lot of myth's about Vampires.
(beat)
That isn't one of them.
P.BUFFY
Huh?
ANGEL
I just feel it is cheating, you know, it's already against Two slayers and a witch, throw in a Vampire and it would be too much for the demon.
P.XANDER
Yes, lets give him better odds in the fight to the death.
CORDELIA
(whispering)
Shouldn't we tell them?
ANGEL
Look Buffy has already dealt with alot in the past 24 hours, telling
her I'm now human, the one thing she wanted more than anything
in the world, who know's what she'll do.
The demon charges down the stairs. The demon looks at the set of identical people.
DEMON
Holy crap, I think there was something in that hippy.
The Buffy's attack, one kicks him in the face, the other in the stomach.
GILES
That's it.....Buffy's.
The demon swats them away. He looks at Angel, pulling something out from behind.
DEMON
Take that, Vampire.
The demon throws HOLY WATER at Angel. It lands on him. He stares at it. Annoyed
ANGEL
That's my shirt. It's now wet you idiot.
P.BUFFY
With Holy water Angel!!!
Angel looks up. Realising, he starts moaning badly, acting like it's affected him.
ANGEL
Oh....ah....that stings cause I'm a Vampire.
(beat)
With the fangs. And Holy water......it burns.....
(patheticly)
It burns?
beat.
CORDELIA
Guess who's human?
DEMON
Not for long.
WILLOW
I call on the Power's to displace
this demon from time and space.
Willow claps her hands as the demon disappears.
P.WILLOW
I was going to do that!
CORDELIA
Yes, thank god you didn't do spell to oh say, kill him!!!
P.WILLOW
Yeah, you suck Willow.
CORDELIA
Can i just ask, what the hell was that?
GILES
It looked like a Comtranclion demon, he is quite the strong....
CORDELIA
Not that. Angel's acting. Your in LA, and you can't act?
P.XANDER
I'm shocked, cause he's such a Three Dimensional
character as it is.
P.BUFFY
You're human?
BUFFY
When did this happen?
ANGEL
Just before you arrived.
CORDELIA
Yeah, Spike isn't going to Shanshu. Angel used it all up.
ANGEL
Can we focus on more important things.....such as me spending
Cordelia's money.
STAY ON CORDELIA'S LOOK as we
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT
The gang sit around a table infront of a mirror, which has Angel looking up every two seconds
from his plate to check out his reflection.
P.XANDER
Did we have to sit right in front of a mirror?
ANGEL
Yes. Yes we did!
He shoves more food into his mouth.
ANGEL
I've missed food. It's all so great.
BUFFY
Glad your enjoying it.
ANGEL
I'm having the time of my life.
Cordelia falls back into a vision.
Angel throws his fork down. Pissed.
ANGEL
Of course.
CORDELIA
The Demon........is singing?
ANGEL
(excited)
Yeah!
FRED
I'm gonna be sick.
GUNN
Right there with you.
ANGEL
I've been working on a few new ones, nothing fancy, alittle
Sinatra.....
FRED
Can't the man rot in his grave in peace.
P.XANDER
I don't get it.
CORDELIA
Prepare for the most horrifying experience of your life.
ANGEL
Love you too Cor.
BUFFY
It can't be that......
CUT TO:
INT. CARITA'S
BUFFY
......Bad. Dear lord, make him stop.
The gang is sitting around, listening to Angel sing. Absent are P.GILES, P.BUFFY, P.WILLOW and P.XANDER
CORDELIA
We've tried everything, spells, charms, earplugs.
(scared)
At night, I can still hear the sounds of him singing.
GUNN
That's cause he goes down into the basement to sing.
FRED
For better or for worse, Cor.
CORDELIA
(pointing at Angel who is singing)
Surely there has to be a loophole when it comes to that!
ANGEL
(singing)
Take my breath away!!!!
CORDELIA
You gotta love the Irony though.
FRED
No you don't!
XANDER
How the hell did our dopplegangers get out of this.
BUFFY
They're at the hotel, looking up whatever it was that attacked us.
XANDER
Doing scoobyage or listening to Angel sing.
(beat)
Tough call.
GUNN
No it isn't.
There is the sound of applause as Angel finishes up the song.
CORDELIA
Do these Demon's have ears?
WILLOW
(pointing)
That one has five.
ANGEL
Did you hear me?
CORDELIA
You we're wonderful dear.
ANGEL
(touched)
We're already at the part of the marriage where you'll
lie to protect my feelings.
They kiss.
WILLOW
And what have we learned?
ANGEL
Lorne says that my aura is clean and Shiny.
XANDER
Demon. Angel.
ANGEL
Oh. Doesn't know a thing.
CORDELIA
(yelling at Lorne)
You Karmic Phony.
LORNE
Don't mess Cordy, "Wind beneath my wings"?
CORDELIA
(yelling at Lorne)
I think I'll just be quiet now.
Cordelia sits back down, the gang looking at her. Long Beat.
CORDELIA
I love him.
ANGEL
Back to the hotel, I guess.
CORDELIA
Vision coming through the pipeline.
Cordelia hits the vision, showing the demon attacking the hotel.
CORDELIA
Of course, because if we we're actually there when it attacks,
we might do that crazy thing of stopping it.
XANDER
Huh?
CORDELIA
Hotel. It's going to attack the hotel.
ANGEL
Do I have time for another song?
Off that, we
CUT TO:
INT. HOTEL
GILES (VO)
This is just horrifying
PULL BACK TO REVEAL the gang sitting on the floor, which is filled with books.
P.GILES
He's been alive for 200 years and he doesn't own a copy
of Delvins Archaic Chronicles of Demons.
P.XANDER
Do you own a copy of Dilbert's Demon's.
Beat.
P.GILES
I guess it's not Angel's fault that....
P.WILLOW
I think i found something.
P.GILES
Willow. Yes. Good. What did you find?
P.WILLOW
The Demon.
Giles looks up to see the DEMON at the front of the lobby.
P.GILES
This book is useless.
The Demon charges at them. Xander picks up Giles book and throws it at the demon. It hits him between the eyes, causing him to fall.
XANDER
Not that useless.
GILES
Run.
The gang getup and start high-tailing it for the door. The door opens, Xander screams, very girly.
In comes, the gang from Caritas.
CORDELIA
I went out with a guy that screams like a woman.
breath Cordy.
XANDER
Shut up.
GILES
We need Slayers, and lots of them.
The Demon turns around.
DEMON
Slayer? What's that?
BUFFY
I love it when they ask that question.
They attack, starting to really get laid into the demon. It tries to fight back, but is pretty useless against two slayers. Buffy snaps it neck.
FRED
That sound gives me the creeps.
BUFFY
I'm also creeped out that i love that sound.
P.BUFFY
Morbid, I like it.
(off Buffy's look)
What?
BUFFY
Your kinda.....not corporeal.
The Past gang are now fading out of reality.
P.BUFFY
Bye Cordy, look after Angel.
CORDELIA
Come back soon.
The gang have now faded out. Leaving the 2003 gang and Angel's gang in the hotel.
ANGEL
Did you like your honeymoon?
CORDELIA
Next year.....Alcapolco.
BLACKOUT.