Title: 'The Ace Of'
Author: i_glow_like_cordy
Posted: 07-07-2003
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Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
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Notes: This fanfic was Episode 7 of an Angel Season 5 fan fiction project. To read the series, go to http://www.voy.com/151221/
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FADE IN
INT. WOLFRAM AND HART
Angel and the Gang stand watching a row of phone people rapidly answering calls. 20 to 30 do this as they write down
the messages, passing them along rapidly to people who then write them down on
THE BOARD
Which is the length of the whole room (it's a damn big room.) and is filled from top to bottom, left to right in demonic
activities.
Angel walks along this board, looking at the disturbances. He is stoic. Then
ANGEL
What i wouldn't give for a squigee.
CUT TO:
INT. SHOWING ROOM
WE HEAR REALLY DRAMATIC MUSIC. This goes along with seperate images of the gang.
ANGLE ON ANGEL - Looking shifty to viewer
ANGLE ON FRED - Looking scared and Vulnerable
ANGLE ON WESLEY - Like an English detective who's about to reveal the killer in a murder mystery.
ANGLE ON GUNN - Warrior face. Mean and ready.
Then.
FRED
Do we have to have that music?
ANGEL
(giving in)
Fine. Cut Music.
Lilah stands by an impressive sound system. Turns it off.
LILAH
We'll, that's me Ace. Sorry i gotta miss the show,
but someone in this building has to keep this an
evil organisation.
Angel stands next to a projector, with clear slides with drawing on them.
ANGEL
Okay, this is us.
Indeed, there are very cartoony pics of them being projected on the screen
FRED
Why am I a stick figure?
ANGEL
It's an interpretive drawing.
FRED
An interpretive drawing where I'm a stick figure?
GUNN
(lowly, coldy)
It's drawn to scale.
FRED
What?
ANGEL
It's called focus people. Now, here are a picture of
an Furglurbar demon.
Angel puts a sheet onto the projector. A picture of the demon is imposed and is it not just the cutest little thing you ever did see. Think Gizmo from 'Gremlins' cute. It's even waving at the gang in the picture.
FRED
So cute.
WESLEY
I do have to admit Angel......It is pretty damn adorable.
ANGEL
(warm happy tone)
Yeah
(same tone)
This is what it can do to you.
ANGLE ON The gang, we don't see the picture but from their reaction, we'll........
FRED
(horrified)
Oh, My eyes! My precious eyes!
WESLEY
I'm going to be sick.
GUNN
Cool!
While the other are horrified, Gunn grins a wicked Grin. He loves the picture.
GUNN
It's kinda like art.
(beat)
Freaky demony decapitation art. But art.
ANGEL
Have I made my point clear?
He looks at Fred and Wesley, who truly look like they've contracted ebolia.
ANGEL
Or I could take this one myself?
CUT TO:
EXT. ALLEY
ANGEL walks down the alley, he holds something in his hand, looking at it. At closer inspection, it is shown to be one of the slides from his little show earlier.
ANGEL
It's not that bad? A little blood.....I mean the
vicera. Who doesn't love the vicera?
Angel's train of thought is interrupted by the sound of smashing. He turns the corner to see a bunch of demon's are ransacking a local electronic store.
ANGEL
Honestly, theft and Vandalism
(beat)
Do you demon's have no morals?
The Demon's look at Angel.
DEMON
You!
ANGEL
So my fame doesn't escape you guys, huh?
The Demon's start to attack him. Angel is surrounded by Three of them, encircling him. Two others, are smart enough to grab what they can and run. The first demon attacks. Angel gets him hard with a right cross.
ANGEL
Ain't seen you guys here before?
DEMON*2
It has been awhile Angelus. Every since we ran you
out of town......with your tail between your......
Angel grabs Demon*2 by the throat.
DEMON*2
(raspy Donald duck voice)
....legs.
Angel throws Demon*2 into Demon*3 sending them both down.
ANGEL
So you're from Sunnydale.
DEMON*3
Was from Sunnydale.
DEMON
Some of us are still in Sunnydale. And it's all because of you. And your Slayer bitch. You're the reason we're here. What you did.
ANGEL
(false nostalgia)
Yeah.......That was a rich, full day.
DEMON*3
We're entripuners. Was just gonna steal this stuff and sell it.
But now that your here.
ANGEL
You we're gonna sell it. What was your sales pitch?
(imagining)
Hello lowly human race. I'm gonna sell you this stolen VCR,
then if my but-ugly demon face doesn't scare you away, I'll
decapitate you, steal the VCR back and repeat this process
till I'm in acapoco.
DEMON*3
Actually, it's called E-bay, moron.
Angel punches him. He gets the demon in a headlock. Their's a huge horn at the top of his head. Demon*2 attacks only to have Angel jam the horn into it's stomach. Both Demon's are down. Dead.
DEMON
Hey dude......when i said
(deep threatening voice)
You!
(back to normal)
What i really meant was
(perky)
You........are the best Evil demon killer in the world,
and as you can see.....
The Demon puts a TV back in the store through the broken window. Pats it. All better.
DEMON
I'm not Evil right?
EXT. STREET
CONNOR and a Friend walk down, happily chatting. Their eyes go wide when a demon lands right in front of them.
Connor looks down at the dead Demon that just got thrown from the alley, which is no longer a regular occurance for him. He looks straight at Angel. Anger? Confusion?
Nope, a smile breaks out over his face.
CONNOR
(to Angel)
That was wicked gross!!!
(beat, to Friend)
Wanna crash the mall?
FRIEND
(singing)
Why'd you have to go and make things
so complicated?
Connor playfully hits her,
CONNOR
Shut up!
(beat)
I swear to God, that girl has demonic powers. I mean
look what she's done to you.
FRIEND
(still singing)
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated.
And their gone like that. Angel looks solemly, remembering the song.
ANGEL
That's what I'd like to know.
CUT TO:
INT. ANGEL'S OFFICE
where the gang waits. Angel enters and they're all anxious to know how it went.
FRED
How did it go?
ANGEL
I feel the need to drink myself silly.
At that moment, all of the gang take one huge step away from Angel.
ANGEL
......on alcoholic drinks.....of a refreshing nature. Maybe a cocktail....
(losing steam)
...of blood capilaries....look, lets just go with bad.
FRED
Thing's are getting worse and worse...................
.............what horrible demonic thing did the ravenger
do this time?
ANGEL
Petty theft
FRED
Oh.
ANGEL
Smashed up an electronic's store and made of with
some pretty impressive Hi-fi system's, What do we know?
WESLEY
We'll, from everything you told us about the Hellmouth,
and the fact that Buffy sent it six feet underground.......
FRED
I thought you said the town got swallowed completely.
Six feet?
WESLEY
It was a pun.
GUNN
(painful)
A pun-ful pun.
WESLEY
I say that basically the energy that was contained within
the Hellmouth is secreating out.
GUNN
And hoped on a Greyhound to LA.
FRED
What does that mean?
WESLEY
The power from the Hellmouth.....
ANGEL
Will infect the demon's......they'll lose controls of their inhibitions, their primitive states will take over....they'll......
GUNN
Is this a fancy way of saying the demon's will get rowdy?
ANGEL
Giddy-up.
(beat)
But we won't let that happen. Wesley, start the research mobile up,
we've got a supernatural force to fight that has no corporial ass to kick.
(beat)
Gunn, Fred, arm yourselfs. We're going into the bredge. And don't
pack lightly, these are the grade A, Sunday best demon's.
WESLEY
We'll get right on it and.....
(beat; to Angel)
Angel, Is that a DVD player?
ANGEL
(badly)
No!
The gang move on to their respective tasks as we stay on ANGEL's Innocent face.
CUT TO:
EXT. HALLWAY
where Angel and Fred are making their way towards the fight.
ANGEL
Where is Lorne anyways?
FRED
He's been spending all his time with Aden.
ANGEL
We'll that's great. That he's got someone.
(lowly)
Everyone's got someone.
FRED
Actually he's pretty imfatic about the not-having.
ANGEL
(seeing)
Lorne.
Lorne is startled, he turns around from where he was looking, flustered.
LORNE
I wasn't......I uhh.......thought's werent....what?
He looks quickly through the glass at Aden, then back.
LORNE
Absolutely nothing.
ANGEL
I saw that.
LORNE
What?
ANGEL
I think we've got a slight case of Ky-rumtion on our
han.....did you get a manacure?
LORNE
Operative word, Man.
ANGEL
(sing-song)
Ky-rumption.
LORNE
(bashful)
I uhh.....that was not.....kye....Fred?
FRED
He's right Angel, that wasn't Kyerumption.
LORNE
See,
FRED
That was more like Moira
LORNE
Moira.
FRED
Moira's the gut physical attraction....
LORNE
I know what it means.
(beat)
And i wasn't.
ANGEL
Ah, see, you're blushing blue?
LORNE
I can explain that, see....
ANGEL
No Time. Quick Fred, to the car
Angel rushes off, he rushes off to the elevator urgently, presses the button and.....waits......and waits....waits.....some more. Lorne watches this. The door opens.
ANGEL
I'm good.
The doors start to close.
CUT TO:
INT. LOBBY
And superimpose the Gang, dramatic music, tight shot of them walking down this hallway, ready for a battle. Confidence. Hope.
THE PHONE RING'S and the magic of this moment is broken. They all run for the phone.
ALL
I got it. Me. It' mine (etc)
Lorne reaches the phone, picking it up.
ANGEL
Who is it?
LORNE
Umm.......wrong number.
ANGEL
So let's go.
LORNE
We'll actually.......It's a very important.....wrong number.
ANGEL
Was it the speech........did i scare you alittle?
GUNN
Uh.......yeah?
ANGEL
I was trying to prepare you.
FRED
Did we really need the diagrams? It wouldn't of being
that bad except you only seemed to have the colour
red on handy.
ANGEL
I had all the......colours......that wasn't comforting was it?
They nod their heads.
CUT TO:
ANGEL(OS)
And now the most important decision of all
INT. CARPOOL
where Angel decifers between the cars.
ANGEL
They're's just so many to choose from.
FLASH CUT TO:
INT. CAR
Angel, Fred and Gunn are driving down the Street.
GUNN
Who are we fighting this time?
FRED
(mantra)
Please not Gizmo, Please not Gizmo, Please not Gizmo.
ANGEL
It's not Gizmo.
(beat)
These thing eats Furglurbar demon's by the dozen each day.
FRED
I thought comfort was support to be comforting.
Gunn holds up his axe.
GUNN
I've got my comfort.
ANGEL
Next on the chopping list is a Tranqueller demon. Named
so due to it's defense weapon, A sting which knocks enemy's
to sleep and in many cases, leaves them comatose.
GUNN
Thank God Cordy ain't here or we'd be in deep trouble.
Fred looks at Gunn, shocked at this statement.
ANGEL
I seemed to have missed that statement despite my super-vampire
hearing. What was that Gunn?
GUNN
Ain't nothing.
This seem's to end the arguement. Then.
FRED
So it's something.
GUNN
What?
FRED
Ain't....Nothing. So it's something.
GUNN
Are you trying to make me out to be stupid?
FRED
What?
GUNN
Do you think your better than me?
ANGEL
Gunn! If you're not quiet you'll be getting out of this car
in a minute. And I ain't stopping. Understand?
GUNN
Aye, aye captain.
And we stay on the Awkwardness that is this car ride as we
CUT TO:
FRED(VO)
You just know these things are gonna be squating in a disgusting,
rodent filled sewer with bodies and blood and....
.......one hell of a swanky massage parlor.
and now we are in
INT. COUNTRY CLUB
where the demon's have taken over and are taken full advantage of the place they are now in. Some demon's are getting massages, blood is everywhere and they love it.
FRED
I should investigate the buffet table.
Fred goes off happily only to be stopped by Angel.
ANGEL
Fred, you don't want to try the buffet table.
Fred nods alittle disappointed.
GUNN
Check out the demon jacuzzi.
FRED
Jealous?
GUNN
Alittle. Wouldn't mind a jacuzzi.
(beat)
Angel, What are we suppost to do. I mean we can take a pack
of demon's at best, but this is like a community.
ANGEL
We're not here to kill them.
GUNN
Then what are we suppost to do?
Angel picks up a champagne glass of blood from a tray and holds it up to Gunn.
ANGEL
Mingle.
And they're off.
INTERCUT SHOT'S OFF THEM MINGLING
. . . Angel talking
. . . Fred looking disgusted at something a demon just said to her.
. . . Gunn, bored, hating that they're not doing anything.
EXT. AREA OF ROOM
where Fred talks to a 'Friend'
FRED
Yeah, when i get mad, like this.....rage in me turns to
fire, literal fire.....and, and.....burns alive any demons that
upset....or oppose me.
DISBELIEVING DEMON
Really? Okay, lets see this amazing parlor trick.
FRED
What?
Fred notices everyone around this area is staring, waiting for her to do this.
FRED
I.....uhh, alright.
Fred starts to scrunch up, a cute-furious look on her face. She lets out a baby growl and then....
FRED
Lucky for you I'm not angry.
Walks away from the table.......
EXT. OTHER AREA
where the gang have all now met up.
GUNN
We came, we mingled, now where does the ass-kicking
come in.
ANGEL
Just can't take him anywhere. Our demon is here. And it
looks like we're getting a bakers dozen deal.
FRED
What does that mean?
ANGEL
Lets just say we should run.
CUT TO:
EXT. COUNTRY CLUB
where the gang is running from the building when it explodes, the force tosses them to the ground alittle.
They look up at the carnage.
FRED
So that's us right. It's over.
ANGEL
No......That was just a cluster of demon's we defeated.
The Hellmouth power is still here, still strong.
INT. WOLFRAM AND HART
where Angel and the gang are currently making his way to his office.
ANGEL
I don't how to stop it. What to do.
INT. ANGEL'S OFFICE
as he enters.
ANGEL
I don't know whats going on here.
WILLOW(OS)
Would you believe that preventing an apocolypse
can actually cause an apocolypse.
The gang look up to see WILLOW standing their.
WILLOW
So that's our bad. Buffy feels super-horrible about this.
Willow starts pulling out a note, unfolding it. From the time this is taking this note is very important. Willow
clears her throat for attention.
WILLOW
(buffy's note)
Sorry!
(beat)
Okay lets get to work, shall we?
OFF the gangs confused expressions'
FADE TO BLACK