Title: Without You
Author: Helen
Posted: 12-16-2003
Email: helen_taft@msn.com
Rating: NC-17
Category:
Content: C/A
Summary:
Spoilers:
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution:
Notes: This is for Scorchy and thanks for such a lovely challenge Hun. Here’s the details for ya: Demons have totally taken over Sunnydale, there's no Slayer or Watcher and there's only Cordy and Willow of the main SG around. The humans that are left alive are hiding out in caves, tunnels and whatnot.
Angel still has his soul but he's very Beigy as in dominent, overbearing, growly and snarly. He's with Spike at the mansion in Sunnydale and though he has a soul, he's not really all that bothered about the state of things!
One night when it's Cordy's turn to go get food for her and Willow, she runs into Angel and Spike who force her to take them to hers and Willow's little hideout. The vampires take both girls as slaves and things happen!!!
In my version I planned to have Angelus not Angel but to be honest, this would be more fun if it was Beige Angel!
Scenes to include if you choose to take this...
1) On a particularly rioty night, Cordy gets scared (bless her) and climbs into bed with Angel (sweet!).
2) Angel getting her to do proper slave things like wash his clothes, run his bath etc etc!
Whatever you do with Spike and Willow is entirely up to you, pair em up if ya like!
Feedback: Yeah feed me!
Thanks/Dedication:Part 7 Continued...
A FEW NIGHTS LATER
Willow hated being confused or uncertain, which was unfortunate for a girl who’d spent half her life in an either or state. Then there was the fact that every time she simmered down after a fight with Spike he’d say or do something that would trigger her suddenly unruly temper all over again!
“Why can’t I have Angel and Cordy have Spike? She can handle Spike … me I’m just…. me- Willow Rosenburg, everybody’s favourite doormat”. She grumbled with a pout. Tears shimmered in her green eyes and she slumped on the edge of the bed; to stare forlornly at the long sleeves that flopped over her hands.
Everything was pissing her off lately, even her clothes. She waved her hands and the excess material flapped limply back and forth. “God I even dress like a dweeb”. She sighed and sulkily flopped back on the mattress to roll on her front.
Cordelia managed to make even the skimpiest of wardrobes look like a fashion parade and envy was beginning to colour Willows view of her all over again. It was unfair and she hated herself for it. Willow picked at a thread on the blankets and heaved another heavy sigh. “Spike and Willow. No that doesn’t work how about.. Cordy and Spike…” She frowned as a pain hit her in the chest and then sank like lead into her belly.
“OK. How about Angel and Willow”? No pain and a little spurt of warmth, she felt a smile curve her lips. At least Angel was quieter than Spike. More Heathcliffe than Byron, she thought dreamily. “Both handsome as sin though”.
As soon as the words left her lips, Willow slapped a hand to her mouth and shocked green eyes peaked over the soft pink fingers. “Where did that come from”? She gasped and hurriedly did a guilty survey of the bedroom she shared with Spike.
Thankfully it was still empty of a bright blonde jester of a vampire. Abruptly deciding sleep was the only answer she undressed and crawled between the sheets and fell into a dream filled slumber.
Dreamland………
“What the fuck is going on here” thundered Angel slamming the door behind him. Spike paid him no attention whatsoever but Willow, tossed over Spike’s shoulder, twisted her head to latch onto him with frantic eyes. “Help me. He wants to eat me and it’s yucky”.
Then a furious and possessive Spike spun to face the intruding figure standing in front of the closed door. “Get out, I’ve told you before; this is my effing business…”
“And its mine when she’s screaming the house down, Spike” interrupted Angel with a snarl.
Disconcertingly his head swam when he took in a breath intending to try and talk them out of this mess, and he staggered back at the strong smell of blood. “Why is she bleeding”? His voice cracked with piercing hunger.
“Why do you think you big Puff. She’s a real honest to goodness feast right now and I’m gonna get me a taste”. Spike chuckled evilly and Willow started hollering as loud as she could again.
Looking like he’d enjoy nothing more than to ram Spike’s teeth down his throat, Angel thrust a hand into his hair and tugged trying to get his swimming, dizzy senses back in order. “This isn’t their first monthly bleed, Spike. What’s so different this time”?
“I’ve had enough. Is what’s different, and if you can’t handle the results you shouldn’t have fucking brought them here” yelled Spike and finally deposited his wriggling burden on top of the bed. “I want ‘er and that’s that”.
Angel stiffened and his fists clenched. Dammit, the vampire thought, how could he let this happen? He took another breath, this time to demand Spike leave her alone when another scent trailed inside him. Arousal. He stopped confused and his sinfully dark eyes shot back to the flushed face of the panicked girl.
But before Angel could move in to intervene, Spike vamped out and Willow seeing it screamed in terror; then started to wriggle with manic desperation to be free of the hard muscular body that was half covering her skimpily dressed one, pressing her into the mattress, and firmly lodged between her pale thighs.
“Fuck it. You’re killing me here” Angel snarled in a low, dangerous tone. Fury at being put in this position wanted to consume him but he reined it in and made his decision, ruthlessly pushing aside his conscience and taking a gamble on that scent.
“Spike- human NOW!” he commanded in a harsh tone and walked over to the bed and its struggling occupants. Spike snarled savagely and his head swivelled to level a stare. Yellow/gold clashed with glittering dark brown and a silent message passed between the two vampires. Something in Angel’s hard face must have reassured the other vampire because Spike relaxed and his face melted back into its human visage.
“Ruthless bastard aren’t you” murmured Spike with a gleam in his cold blue eyes. Angel just gave him a hard look back with eyes equally cool.
Silently and carefully Angel lowered his large frame to sit on the bed and forced his eyes to meet Willows unflinchingly. Willow was still panting but quieted when Spike slid away down her body. Too innocent and trusting to understand what was happening she didn’t resist when Angel gently captured both of her hands.
“Don’t be afraid” Angel told her gently, his face sombre. She went to look at Spike but he caught her chin and forced her gaze up. “Make sure she likes it, Spike” said Angel, confusing her with the hard tone before the words registered and her eyes widened as understanding dawned on her frazzled mind.
Angel held her hands over her head with one of his and when she opened her mouth to let out another yell he leaned over and silenced her by covering her lips with his. Grinning Spike opened her thighs and ripped away the panties that hid her secrets. Stopping to enjoy the view he took in a deep blood soaked breath of her fragrance. Then buried his face between her widely spread thighs.
Willow arched her back in shock at the intimate intrusion of those hard cool tongues; both of them at once. She moaned into Angel’s mouth and felt him slide deeper into hers, while Spike stabbed inside her blood soaked channel to coax out more of her rich, living fluid.
Terror mingled with desire and pooled in her belly, heating her from the inside out. She whimpered and felt the plunging slide of Angel kissing her, mirrored down below when Spike lathed the folds of labia, searching for the tiny nub only she’d touched before.
She pressed upwards with her hands and hips and felt them tighten their grasp, holding her down and making her submit. Nerves and fear withered and died under the current of desire that burned hotter and twisted upwards to confuse her mind with its dark tempting greed.
Instinctively Willow’s hips started to undulate under that tormenting caress and Spike growled at the onrush of warm sticky blood as it flowed freely into his hungry, waiting mouth.
Willow felt as if she was drowning in sensation as one vampire devoured her mouth, and the other her sex. Helplessly inexperienced she quivered with delight and squirmed for more even as hot lights flared behind her closed eyelids as the spiral of arousal tightened its merciless grip.
Without even needing to think about it, Angel skilfully traced the inside of her mouth. His eyes open and senses on full alert as he watched the heat of carnal desire work it’s dark magic on her oh so willing, yet innocent body.
Willow was writhing on the bed now as pleasure lashed at her. Arousal lay think on the air, and drunk on it Spike latched onto her tiny hard little clit to suckle it into his mouth. Angel carried on filling her mouth.
Cool fingers slipped under the plain cotton top to cup a small, plump breast, brushing over the taut mutely begging tip with clever, sensitive fingers. Angel played with the tight bud and felt the racing beat of her heart; simply glad to feel the evidence of heightened, almost ready to snap arousal.
Satisfied at her obvious willingness after they’d seduced her so thoroughly, Angel brought his dark head up, releasing Willow who whimpered and mewled loudly as the orgasm continued to ripple its way through her body.
He looked down to find Spike grinning at him, satisfaction and arousal tightening his already taut face. “Will you just get on and finish this” Angel growled.
“No need to get testy just cos I’m getting some and you ain’t. Go on bugger off now. I think I can handle it from here” replied Spike easily and then grunted with pleasure as he smoothly entered Willow with one hard thrust. Willow arched and keened wildly and her hands gripped Spike in needy desperation. Moans flowed from her open lips, pulled from low in her throat at the hard invasion of Spike’s cock as it filled and stretched her tight virginal passage.
“Thank God for small favours” snapped Angel testily, bounding off the bed and not hesitating, left the room and the heaving oblivious pair now kissing with passionate abandon on the bed.
Willow woke up to an empty bed with sheets twisted from her mindless writhing. Then before she even had time to feel the hot blush of shame creep up her neck she saw the flare from the lit cigarette and her eyes widened with immeasurable horror.
“So” said Spike in that annoying way he had. “You gonna tell Spike all about that dream you just had, Luv”? He crushed out the cigarette and sauntered over to the frozen, panicked girl. “I want to know what made you all…hmm hot and bothered”.
“I don’t know what you mean” denied Willow breathlessly, trying to ignore the empty ache of unsatisfied arousal in her loins. She watched him come closer until he loomed over her with his hands braced on either side of her sweat-dewed body.
“Oh I think you do”, refuted the intent blonde. “Shall I guess”? Spike didn’t give her a chance to reply but simply picked her up like she weighed next to nothing.
DOWNSTAIRS
There was an almighty bang on the ceiling, making Angel freeze where he stood. Vexed he raised his eyes to the spot and sighed with relief to see there was no sign of a crack in the plaster. Then shaking his head in mild disgust he carried on walking over to the fireplace, arms loaded down with logs.
Before he got there was another load crash followed by a stifled yell; instantly dropping the logs, Angel bounded for the stairs. Scowling angrily; Angel was already halfway up the stairs when a piercing scream rent the air. Oh shit!
Alarmed anger filled him as he pounded up the rest, praying he was wrong. That prayer went unanswered and he heard the struggles and pants before he even got to the closed door of Spike’s bedroom.
He didn’t slow down at all; just stiffened and not bothering to knock- burst in. The scene that met his eyes had his jaw dropping in shock. An enraged, ruthlessly determined Spike had a skirtless Willow, kicking and screaming tossed over one shoulder. While Willow, red-faced and yelling hoarsely had hold of Spike’s hair and was yanking away as if she were trying to make him bald.
“What the hell is going on here”? He thundered and saw Willows face go even paler as she twisted round to gape at him in shock. “Well”?
“Nothing…” she quavered and then gulped. Fantasy was one thing. Real life quite another she realised. “We’ll be quiet now” she offered lamely.
Angel’s dark eyes bored into hers. “Are you sure”? The raised brow said he knew exactly what was going on and her mortified blush got even deeper, clashing with her hair. “erm…yeah. Sure”.
Spike laughed and tossed her squealing form on the bed. Angel shut the door with a grimace and left, more than happy to leave them to sort it out between them.
CORDELIA
“So where the hell is everybody”? Cordelia asked the irritatingly empty and cavernous living room. “Did I miss the fire drill or something” she joked lightly and frowned when enlightenment remained elusive.
Then she heard an unidentifiable thump from upstairs and unknowingly copied Angel in checking out the spot. Hmm, did she wanna go and disturb the gruesome twosome or not? She wondered and grinned at her own analogy. “Why not? They need lightening up some anyway”.
Her hand was barely on the railing before Cordelia heard a whoosh of air and then, before she could do more than gasp in shock; she found herself airborne and her centre of gravity dropped to her feet. Frantically she tightened her grip on cloth covered broad shoulders and looked down into shadowed dark eyes.
“Oh Hi. I was just coming to look for yo…I mean everybody”. From this position all she had to was lean in a little and she could kiss his nose. Yeah that was such a good idea. Or maybe if she really wanted to make a fool of herself, that spot just under his ear. Cordelia snorted at her wayward thoughts and waited impatiently to be put down.
“You found me” was the uncompromising reply as Angel simply carried on walking. His chest rose and fell as he took in a deep breathe unconsciously fulfilling the need to take her scent inside him and his hands tightened on her waist.
“Erm, Angel I do know how to walk ya know” her feet still dangled off the floor and his hands were wrapped tight around her waist, holding her up with an effortless strength that left her feeling dizzy and breathless.
Angel didn’t seem to hear her and that ticked her off. I mean, I like a strong guy as much as the next red-blooded girl, but this is getting way beyond a joke. Enough already. She heaved against his shoulders and gritted her teeth to put as much strength into trying to break free as possible. All it gained her was a rough shake and a stern “behave yourself” from the irritating vampire.
“Me, me behave myself! Are you for real?” Cordelia snarked incredulously.
“Geeze clueless much! In case you didn’t know being all of... what 200 years old! It’s rude to cart people around like baggage and what…” Angel hoisted a still mid-protest Cordelia higher up his chest to open the door to outside. “Angel will you just... Ok that’s IT! Stop right here Buddy” nothing seemed to faze him or get through that thick, arrogant head. “Where the hell are you taking me”? She growled in exasperation.
“There’s nothing for you upstairs” Angel told her firmly, with a tightly locked jaw and stubborn determination etched on his face. He refused to let her catch his eyes. One, he’d feel like a fool for over reacting and two he was already far to aware of just who was the ‘baggage’ he was carting around.
It was an impulsive decision but he wanted her out of the house. At least until he was sure Willow and Spike were finished and this whole ridiculous business settled. Cordelia, as much as she tried to help, tended to have an inflammatory effect on even the most innocuous situation- something this one very definitely wasn’t.
“And that’s a good excuse to just walk off with me? I don’t think so. Stop being such a dumbass and put me down”. Geeze what was with him tonight? Testosterone overload probably she thought sourly and glared mutinously at him from under lowered brows when he dropped her back on her feet beside his car.
“Did someone spike your blood or something? You seem kinda weird and it’s creeping me out” she admitted bluntly while taking a few cautious steps back in case he went all loopy on her again.
“Wanna go for a drive”? Angel ignored the deliberately needling question and raised an enquiring brow, knowing he wouldn’t have to wait long for her answer. Cordelia hadn’t stepped foot past the perimeter of the house for months. He was offering her the equivalent of a trip out.
“Are you kidding?” She forgot all about weirdness and spiked blood. “Are you for real or...you better not be joking” she warned darkly and squealed when he grinned at her and opened the passenger door.
“Can I drive”? She wheedled and tilted her head just so. Hazel eyes the colour of warm thick caramel flirted with him over a wide full smile that lit them into starbursts. He almost melted but then forcibly stiffened his spine.
“Not a chance”. Contrition only went so far and then survival kicked in. Her smile dimmed and bottom lip came out in a tiny pout, making Angel step back before he gave into the urge to kiss those sulky lips.
Not long afterwards, Cordelia sat back and simply enjoyed the feeling of freedom she got from being out and about - even if it was in a big black monster of a car. Seduced by the feel good factor she lazily put arm out of the rolled down window wanting to feel the wind brushing her arm as they coasted along.
Until Angel noticed that is and brusquely told her to pull it in or risk losing it. Grinning at him she docilely did as she was told. “Don’t be such a grouch. This was you’re idea” she reminded him and raised an admonishing brow.
His lips twitched and he nodded before adding... “True enough. But I kinda like you in one piece”. Since she tended to agree with him on that score, she happily kept her limbs within the confines of the car.
“How is tonight different than any other”? Cordelia couldn’t help but voice her one niggle. Why tonight when every other time she’d hinted he’d blown her off? “Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful and all, but I don’t get it. Call me curious”. She voiced the question carefully, not wanting to disturb the status quo that had developed between them over the last few weeks.
The fact that he was just as careful had made it a darn sight easier for her to curb her more plain speaking instincts. Quid pro quo was the order of the day. He took care to be considerate of her feelings so she could do the same for him.
If she sometimes had to fight an urge to send out a few ripples well, she gave a mental shrug, that was just her wanting to spice their relationship up a bit. Not that she was having much luck with that, she thought with a touch of exasperated wryness.
“Is it so difficult to believe I needed to get out for some air myself”? Asked Angel neutrally, trying to circumvent her uncomfortably lively mind from further question’s by tossing in a few of his own.
“Well duh! Vampire’s don’t even breathe, so yeah, that one won’t wash”. The niggle developed into full-blown suspicion and she turned in the seat so that she faced him.
Angel closed his eyes for a second and mentally kicked his own ass. Dumb answer Asshole!
“A change of scenery then” he offered lamely feeling chagrined; so much for putting her off the scent.
“If you wanted to look at something different, why bring me along? Excuse me- kidnap me along. Again not complaining so much as … still curious”. There was something going on here, she just knew it. Stubborn determination filled her. She was going to ferret it out of him before they got back to the mansion or else she was losing her touch- not!
Angel could literally hear the wheels turning in her head. “Ever heard of curiosity killed the cat”? He was helpless to stop a grin from curving his lips when she sucked in a breath. She wasn’t the only one capable of being incendiary.
“Hah- I knew it, your hiding something aren’t you”? He might think he’d won this round but she was damned if he thought that was the end of it. “Don’t think I won’t get it out of you eventually- or Willow”. She wasn’t entirely sure why she’d tossed the last part in.
Angel stiffened and gave her a piercing look out of the corner of his eyes. Pursing his lips he pondered how to change the subject before she strayed any nearer to the one he wanted to avoid. Her ferreting abilities were the reason he’d taken her out of the house. At least this way even if she did ‘prise’ it out of him she couldn’t do anything about it. Still…
A few weeks ago he wouldn’t have hesitated to just shut her down, the harsher the better but he was past being able to do that to her now. No matter how hard he’d fought against it she’d come to mean more to him than he’d ever imagined she or anyone could. Underneath the glossy exterior she was a class act and every time she let him peel back another layer he ended up needing more. He didn’t like it one little bit but had come to accept it as just another one of those things that he couldn’t change.
“Cor-del-ia” He finally settled for drawling out warningly. The universal signal of rapidly decreasing patience.
“An-gel” She returned the favour without hesitating or batting an eyelash at his obviously disgruntled expression. “Don’t think you can intimidate me with that ‘big bad’ voice of yours. I know you. You’re all bark and no bite”. She grinned and waited with a quirked brow.
He gave her a darkly sardonic look. “Don’t push your luck”.
“Look, give it up or bite it back. Whatever- just do what you have to do to be able to sit back and enjoy the ride- okay. Unless you want to go home”? Angel couldn’t supress a smirk when her eyes narrowed at the implied threat. He had her there and he knew it.
He was so distracted it took a few seconds for the two running figures to blip on his radar enough for him to react, and when they did it was too late.
One small pale figure darted in front of the car, just escaping being hit. The pursuing demon wasn’t so lucky. Angel slammed on the brake and Cordelia instinctively cringed back and covered her face as the car slewed and swerved on the gravelled surface of the road.
There was a huge bump as the demon was pulled underneath the car and then several more before the car came to a standstill, tyres smoking from the hasty stop. Mindful of danger Angel turned around to face the rear of the vehicle, almost black eyes searching the area directly behind for the demon. Cordelia meanwhile was frantically searching the edges of the woods to her right.
Angel got out of the car and walked around it to the sprawled bleeding figure of the demon, with its strangled gargling audible even over the dull roar of the still running engine. Its wounds were pretty horrific and he had to quickly avert his eyes from the continuous spurt of blood from its gaping neck. Then the grunts of pain faded as its red eyes glazed over in death and the fanged nuzzle dropped open to hang lose.
Relief had him relaxing until, to his horror Angel heard the passenger door slam shut. Cordelia!. He was on her before she’d gone more than six feet and dropped his hands on her shoulders, then tightened them and spun her round.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing”? He demanded harshly but she just ignored him and tried to push him away.
Cordelia pushed against the hard, ridged chest under his plain knit sweater to no avail and tried to duck around him but he simply grasped her tighter. Frustrated hazel clashed with furious brown.
“Will you just let me go to him?” she demanded shrilly, making him look around until he too saw the shivering and bleeding boy lying curled up just beyond the tree line.
Before he could stop himself the vampire inhaled and the strong sweet smell of young blood assailed his nostrils. Immediate hunger bit Angel hard in the belly and he dropped his suddenly nerveless hands and let her go.
Free again, Cordelia ran over the grass she could only hear and feel rather than see in the blackness. She’d only been able to make out the boy because he’d moved and the Plymouths headlights provided some small light in the gloom. As she got closer her heart seemed to seize in her chest. God he looks so young, she wailed silently and picked up her pace until she could drop beside him.
His waxy face looked up at her with a fixed glassy eyed stare and his small chest pumped up and down with harsh pants. He was soaking wet with sweat that stung his eyes as each salty drop fell from his wrinkled brow. Without giving a thought to consequences, Cordelia squeezed an arm under his thin back and lifted him up so that he lay cradled over her thighs.
“Hey there” she whispered with a voice made hoarse by the huge lump in her throat.
He said nothing, just blinked at her out of terror struck blue eyes. But he didn’t look away just stared at her like she was an apparition. Grey mucas came out of his pinched nose with each harsh breath and Cordelia wiped it away with the hem of her skirt. His shivers got worse and she could feel the hot sticky damp patch forming on her clothes from the blood seeping out from behind his back. “Don’t be afraid. We won’t hurt you. Can you tell me your name”?
The boy said nothing but his throat worked and choked sob rasped out from his blue lips. Cordelia pretended she hadn’t noticed and carried on talking with reassuring strength in the deliberately light chatter.
“You’re going to be fine I promise. We’ll take your somewhere safe and I’ll look after you. Would you like that, would you like to be safe”? She didn’t realise it but she’d started to rock him back and forth and hot tears stung the back of her eyes but she wouldn’t let them fall in case they frightened the child.
The boy, no older than 10 years old finally opened his mouth to say something but almost immediately a horrible rattling wheeze struck and he spasmed into harsh wracking coughs.
“Cordelia” came Angel’s voice a few minutes later, hesitant and deeply unsure. She knew what he was going to say and rounded on him, still holding the now silent and fading boy tight to her warm body.
“Don’t you dare even think of saying it” she hissed at him, “can’t you see how much he needs help? For chrissake are you made of stone or something”? Later on she might regret snapping at him but right then she didn’t give a crap. She knew it wasn’t his fault but neither did she need a reminder of the differences between them- that he was one of the monsters while she, like the boy was still a victim.
Angel heard the remembered terror in her voice, brought back by the boys own and the slight edge of hysteria that trilled in her voice. He hunkered down next to her and ignored the blood hunger humming in his own body to level his eyes with her accusing ones.
“He’s dead Cordy, you can’t help him. He’s gone”. Cordelia gaped at him and then ducked her head down and leaned back until the boys face was visible cradled in the crook of her arm. The eyes were still and staring without recognition or fear or anything anymore or ever again. Her throat closed then and she struggled to breathe.
“He was just a child, Angel” she got out, still holding the lifeless body while her knees sank further into the damp loamy earth underneath them.
“I know. We have to get out of here Cordy- now”. He hated pressuring her especially when she was so upset but the danger of being discovered while practically defenceless was getting stronger every second they lingered here. Death was a draw no demon could resist and he knew that as well as any good monster did.
“I’m not leaving him here to get eaten like …” Cordelia struggled to a stop and felt the first tears fall. “Some nameless piece of meat. He was someone’s son or brother. Someone out there loved him. He deserves better than that”. He’d get better than that and no one was going to stop her see to it, including Angel.
Angel just about managed to bite back a string of virulent curses and debated just picking her up and dealing with the hysterics when they got home. But the look in her eyes stopped him cold. This was more than just a whim to her, he realised with a sinking feeling of being powerless to change her mind or make her see reason. If he pulled her away now then he might as well just give her up completely. Everything he was balked at that. Frustrated but trapped he stood up and paced off to think.
“If we bury him he’ll just get dug up. I don’t have anything that can dig deep enough”. He spread his hands in a helpless gesture. It was nothing less then the blunt truth.
“Think of something” she insisted quietly with a deep throbbing purpose behind every word. She stared at the hard sculpted face of her benefactor, captor and sometime nemesis; certain that somehow he’d find a way to help her stop this child getting mauled anymore than he already had.
Angel sighed and rubbed a hand over the back of his tense neck. Dammit they didn’t have the time for this. “We can build a little pyre and set it alight with some gas I have spare in the trunk” he stared back at her across the short distance that separated them with unreadable dark eyes. “That’s the best I can do Cordy. Accept it or we’re outta here now”.
“Fine let’s get to it then” she agreed solemnly. It was a horrible end but she could do nothing more and she was enough of a pragmatist even at seventeen to recognise that.
Without the gas to act as an accelerant it probably wouldn’t have worked but soon enough they were roaring off back down the road towards home with the orange smoke filled fire reflecting from the side mirrors. Cordelia’s soot stained face was wet with tears that continued to fall with silent regularity all the way home. Angel felt every one of them drop from her eyes and his knuckles turned white on the steering wheel.
They arrived back without a word being spoken. Angel killed the engine with a twist of the key and looked over at her pale wan face while guilt ate at him. He should never have taken her out, what had he expected- great views and a picnic. His lips twisted and still she didn’t lift her head from the spot she was staring sightlessly at.
The first thing Cordelia knew on arriving at the mansion was being lifted out of the car in a pair of strong arms and carried like an infant back into the safety of the sheltering concrete monolith, they called home. It was a vastly different Cordelia Chase being carried back inside than the one who’d struggled for independence on the way out.
Angel took her straight to their room and gently set her back on her feet to stand swaying slightly within his encircling arms; unaware of anything but the nightmare being replayed in her minds eye.
“C’mon, baby lets get you into something warm and dry”. Angel’s deep voice soothed the ragged nerves enough for her to listlessly lift her arms for the cotton to be whisked gently over her head and she didn’t flicker so much as a lash when he undid her skirt and pushed it down her legs.
In only a few seconds she was bare except for a plain pair of panties and she shivered convulsively until a warm blanket was wrapped around her body, so big it almost went twice round. Gentle fingers lifted her chin and she blinked and focused on his sombre face and concerned dark eyes.
“I want you to lie down and I’ll be back in just a minute okay”? Cordelia simply nodded and jerked as if to step towards her bed but the blanket was too consuming for movement, she stopped confused. Seeing the problem, Angel effortlessly lifted her up to lie in his arms again and laid her down on his bigger one.
“Stay” he whispered with a stern look that drew her attention back from the scene in the woods. He brushed a tear from her cheek with such softness that another one formed to pool in her eyes. “I’ll come straight back” he promised huskily and got up to walk out of the room, leaving the door wide open in case she needed him.
He was back in less than half a minute with a thin delicate glass held in one long fingered hand. Cordelia focused on the fiery lights reflecting off the amber liquid sloshing around the round bottom of it as he sat down beside her prone form.
He’d taken off his coat she noted and wondered absently if it had been when he’d taken hers off, then she frowned, what does it matter? What does anything matter? Except for dead children. She’d been a child not so long ago, she remembered it clearly so it couldn’t have been too long- could it?
Lambs to the slaughter; that’s all they were now. God’s children, Hah! Where are you now then? She railed in a rising wail only she could hear. Nothing showed on her expression as she turned her face away from the whirlwind her life had become, thoughts whirling madly in the tornado of emotions she refused to let disturb the calm surface of her numb face.
Angel didn’t need to see her face or read her expression to feel the maelstrom going on inside her too still body. She looked brittle to him, as if she might shatter if he pushed too hard. Angel hardly took his eyes off her face as he carefully laid the glass on the bedside table. He knew that place she was stuck in now and he refused to leave her there.
“C’mon, Sweetheart. Sit up for me”? Angel pulled the blanket away a little to free an arm, taking care not to dislodge it enough to expose her breasts again; he wasn’t after cheap thrills. Then pulled the arm until he could grasp her hand gently in his and lift her the rest of the way up.
Her movements were wooden but soon enough he held the glass of brandy to her lips, trying to coax her into drinking simply by touch. “Drink, Cordelia” she opened her mouth and let the liquid slip inside, then choked when the fire of it hit the back of her throat.
Cordelia hadn’t realised how deep the chill had gone until the fire spread to her belly then radiated outwards. She grimaced and tried to pull away but found his arm around her waist, keeping her up while he pressed the glass to her closed lips. “All of it, Cordy. Please”.
To Cordelia it was as if he surrounded her, but in a good way. Feeling too exhausted to care she let herself lean against him so that her face was pressed into his left shoulder, nestled into the thin knit sweater that did nothing to hide the muscular power of his body.
Wanting to comfort, Angel instinctively brushed a kiss on the crown of her head and it was that, and the plea in his voice that had her leaning back to take the rest of the awful stuff. Eyes watering she coughed while he got rid of the glass. Then simply accepted his sheltering body again as they both lay back on the bed, with her tucked into his front, held securely in the cage of his arms.
As the warmth from the brandy penetrated every pore the numbness wore off and while her thought processes slowed down with the potent liquor her tongue began to loosen.
“Why do we care so much about surviving? Isn’t it better for it to just be over? No more pain, welcome to your death and oblivion here we come” there was bitterness in the flat little voice, but only a little for now. Cordelia waited patiently for him to answer and felt the betraying inhalation of breath that always preceded him speaking. She liked that he had to breathe to speak, kind of made up for the rest of the time.
“Survival means living, living means hope without both you have … nothing”. Angel left it at that let his voice taper off. What did he know about it after all?
“But you’re dead” Cordelia leaned back still within the confines of the blanket and pushed up a hand to touch his face, letting her fingers trail under his bottom lip, drifting gently over the cleft of his strong chin.
“Yeah” Air washed over the sensitive pads of her fingertips, making them tingle.
“Don’t you hope for anything”? She asked curious and sad for him at the same time, all the while cushioned by a detachment borne of emotional burnout.
“Like what- redemption? Not gonna happen so what’s the point” he said it matter of factly and without a trace of self-pity and she frowned again. Somewhere some part of her acknowledged a deep-rooted conviction that he was entirely wrong, but she just couldn’t focus on it enough to bring it to the surface so she let it slip away.
Angel felt her drift into sleep still with her fingers resting like warm pulse points on his skin. He lifted a hand to tentatively lift them up and then let his gaze linger on the difference between hers and his. Like the rest of her they were slim and delicate and yet there was strength in them too, something he was only just beginning to appreciate. Against his wide palm her skin felt like downy velvet, and unable to resist testing that hazy theory he rubbed them softly over his lips.
WILLOW
Willow eased out of the bed, away from a sleeping Spike then before edging off the bed something made her look back. A single blue eye, the other one still being closed pinned her in place, frozen with one foot off the bed.
“Where are you off to then”? Spike’s voice, roughened by sleep rumbled across the few feet between them. His naked shoulders gleamed in the moonlight spilling from the uncurtained window.
Willow swallowed hard and dragged her reluctant gaze off his sculpted upper body to look him in the eye and smile tentatively. “Bathroom” she offered and waved a hand towards the adjoining room.
“Oh right. Off you go then, don’t be long”, satisfied he closed the eye and snuggled back into the mattress to wait. Freed from that gaze Willow jumped off the bed and surreptitiously pulled her diary from under the pillow on her old bed before heading off to the loo. Once there she sat down on the closed lid and opened the diary that had been an obsession for her since she was child. Not the same diary of course but one she’d re-started after losing the old one when Sunnydale became Sunnyhell.
Opening the last used page she started to scribble at the very bottom.
I had a dream that.. She stopped and raised her eyes to the ceiling. “Dumb, Willow. Why didn’t you start a new page”. Then flipping over she carried on, pouring out her inner most thoughts on the oblivious paper.
Angel and Spike seduced me today! It was so hot I almost melted and then Spike realised I was aroused. Wow! And double WOW. Lovemaking is all I dreamed it was and more!!!! I don’t know what to say to Cordy though or even if I should say anything at all. She might not like it, especially since she keeps complaining that Angel doesn’t even try and kiss her……..
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