Title: Completing the Bittersweet Moment
Author: fiddly
Posted: 08-13-2002
Rating: PG
Email: fiddlydiddlyatpriya@hotmail.com
Content: C/A
Summary: A reunion.
Spoilers: Season 3 till Birthday.
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Please ask if you want.
Notes: Okay so here’s the sequel. I did something different with this one than all my other fics and I hope you like it.
Feedback: So please review and tell me if you hate it or like it.
Dedication: For Kiesha because she makes me smile!!!!!She smelt the dirty air as soon as she stepped out of the airport. She looked shiny bright lights scattered all over the city to conceal the dirt and darkness that lay around every corner.
Tall buildings that never quite manage to reach the sky.
People trying to judge you because you have short hair, long hair, dirty hair, no hair the list is endless. She was back in LA where dreams where crushed and made in the time a person takes to bat an eyelid.
Dreams that was what it came down to in the end. A city made of unfinished dreams betrayed dreams…. dreams they were dangerous they make you see things that don’t really exist.
A father that really loves you and doesn’t just buy you with gifts a mother that is always there for you and a boyfriend that would stay loyal to you.
No dreams were dangerous they hurt you.
She should have given up dreaming a long time ago but she didn’t and now she was paying.
Her dreams she thought she knew what they were. She would come to LA and she would find the fame and the fortune she had lost in her hometown. People would once again love her and tell her how wonderful she was. Shattered ever last one of them, she realised that Sunnydale wasn’t the only fickle place LA was ten times worse she had been naive to believe that it was that easy to be loved.
But then with him it was that easy she never made the effort with him to look like a star, she never made the effort to be his ideal girl for a long time she was his secretary and vision girl and him her boss. They never became seer and champion until they really came to know each other and when they did…when they did it became friendship she would snipe at him and challenge him and laugh at him do things to him that no one had probably dared do to him. He would care for her in ways that made her feel beyond special he protected her and supported her in a way no other person had.
How do you go from friendship to love? Easy you notice that the one thing you are looking for in your life partner is the one thing that your friend drowns you in from the minute you enter his office and the minute you walk out.
LOVE
She spent her whole life looking for it and she finds it in a vampire with a soul that had a tendency for ‘doing’ blondes.
A bitter smile crept across her face.
Was that really her dream to fall in love with a vampire that just happened to be her best friend? Not for a long time not even now but love that was something she had always wanted and he was offering that and as much as she hated it she did dream of HIM. His face would creep into her daydreams and her mind would wonder off in the last month, imagining what he would be doing, imagining what he would say at some of the things she had said and done and imagining what he would look like in all the fancy suits and clothing she saw in the shops.
Life was not a dream ……. She was a realist life was full of compromises and settling and as much as she hated it she would have to settle.
Because dreaming of him would be too dangerous not because he was a vampire no that wasn’t it because he was all she really had left and she didn’t want to loose him not to this game.
It was sticky and humid in LA and she needed to get out of these clothes and have a bath. She pulled back the hair that seemed to be glued on by her sweat and looked for Gunn. She had phoned him last night and told him she was coming home but not to tell anybody that it was a surprise. Gunn hadn’t sounded too connived and asked why she had called at the hotel then. She didn’t have an answer for that so she hung up.
Why had she called at the hotel? Because she had wanted to tell Angel that she was coming back and he would just have to deal with it. It wasn’t her problem. She never realised how relieved she had been that Gunn picked up the phone until she placed the receiver down and felt the trickle of sweat run down her spine.
She would have to face him tomorrow her moment of weakness admitting what she held for him in her heart had been a mistake she would explain that to him.
And what would she explain to her self? That was easy too dreams never come true.
She scanned the area relieved as she heard the crackle of thunder knowing the heavens would break anytime soon relieving the tension in the air.
She would have missed him had her eyes not learnt to look for him. His figure stood tall and for a minute she flinched at the dark shadow that was only illuminated by a streak of light coming from the local café. His mouth and shirt coming out to be a strange shade of green under the impression of the light.
He wasn’t supposed to be here not today. Tomorrow when she knew she was in LA not today she still needed a day to dream the dream.
* * *
He looked at her still the same classical beauty she had been a month ago. Was that it a month? He could have sworn it had been longer a lifetime had gone by in his dreams. He had played out all the questions he could have asked her retreating form that day but coming to no conclusion.
His mind was a blur of colours and darkness for every question of hope she had left she had left an answer of denial and retaliation. She loved him but never admitted it.
She hadn’t noticed him she was looking for Gunn not him never him. Her eyes caught on to his figure and she saw him never looking at his face only reaching to his lips and then moving back to her hands.
She could run and say she never had seen him giving her today to build back those defences but he knew her better than that.
It was a clash of both egos and she wasn’t going to back down.
It was a part of their pattern.
He was playing her to see how far she would go she knew that but she wouldn’t back down. Not his Cordelia.
For a minute he thought she would though she wavered looking towards a taxi and placing a hand to her purse. Then she looks back at him like she expected him to tell her not to but she knows he wont she knows he’s testing her will power.
She straightens her back and walks over to him.
“Hey”
“Hey. Do you want me to put your luggage into the boot?”
“Yeah”
“Okay”
The car door slams and he looks at her waiting for her to say something any thing, but she doesn’t she looks straight ahead. He doesn’t start the car though he turns around and looks straight out too.
“I thought Gunn was going to come get me?”
“He couldn’t make it.”
“Right”
“Yeah he said that he had an important appointment and he couldn’t get you home”
“Neither will you if you don’t start the car”
“Was your journey comfortable no body peering over your shoulder to read your magazine or anything because I know how much that annoys you?”
“So does stalling can we go home now please?”
“Sure thing. So the journey was comfortable?”
A sigh escapes her lips before she turns around at him in her temper and forgets about the game SHE was meant to be playing and just as he connects eyes with her she realises she just lost her game.
He sees the worry creep into her eyes as she connects them with his and immediately the start darting around the place. He smiles which only aggravates her more because she knows exactly why he’s smiling.
“Did you want to say something Cordelia?” he leans in closer to her face and looks straight into her eyes his dark brown ones taunting her frantic hazel ones.
She raises her eyes to meet his and leans in to him as well refusing to be out played his lips twitch slightly which wavers her determination but she doesn’t react.
“Take me home Angel I’m too tired for games”
Rules. Every game has them and if one player wants to forfeit out of good sportsmanship you should let them forfeit with dignity. The beast in him cried out in laughter and since when had Angelus played a fair game.
But he wasn’t Angelus. He still couldn’t muster the energy in him to let her go it was too hard and for once it wasn’t the beast in him it was the man in him. The man that wanted to proudly announce Cordelia as his women his pride and joy.
“Fine I’ll take you home but answer the question did you have a good journey?”
“Angel stop it”
“Stop what?”
“This what ever it is play it tomorrow (sigh) Angel I know you too well I’ve seen this side in you and I don’t want to play”
“Cordelia I don’t know what you mean”
“Fine I’ll walk then” she slams the car as if to leave all her problems behind. He rushes up to her and grabs her hand.
“Get in the car and I will drive you home”
“Let go of my hand Angel people are looking”
“So now you’re ashamed of being seen by me?”
“Don’t be stupid Angel I just meant that you’ll cause trouble for yourself”
“I can handle myself”
“Fine”
A little trickle of water made it down her cheek the heavens had opened. Caught up in the moment his hand went to sweep the raindrop away from her cheek. His thumb swept it away and then brushed her lips he rejoiced at her shiver.
He leant in to touch her lips claim them as his and then knowing she could never run from the truth.
“Angel I want to go home.” She looks into his eyes and he realises that there was never a dispute SHE was HIS it was making HIM hers that was the challenge.
He nods his head as the rain becomes heavier he runs to the car to open her door.
Just as she enters the car she sees a beggar women and looks at her as if remembering an old acquaintance. She enters the car without a word and he starts the car.
“Angel have you seen Home Alone 2?”
“No”
“Angel are you angry at me?”
“No”
“Then what are you angry at?”
“Nothing you were saying about a film?”
“Right well there’s this scene where he meets this homeless women and she talks about her not having to be alone, but that was how she made it for herself and then the boy uses some dumb analogy about his roller-skates…. basically the moral of the story is that if you don’t show something how much you love them then you’ll loose them some way or another.”
“So?”
“So what Angel? You don’t see the significance of that story?”
“No Cordy I don’t it’s a story in a film about some kid big deal”
“Geez Angel you sound like me”
He turns around to look at her and for the first time that night he sees a glint of mischief in her eyes and he cant help but wonder what she has up her sleeve.
His jaw relaxes and he gives her a slight smile “I wouldn’t want that would I?”
“Well no any way so I was thinking if we were to loose each other we might as well loose each other fighting for what we believe in”
“The mission?”
“No us Angel US”
“Us?”
“Yeah us I mean we play all these games and we’re always trying to get one up on each other and in the end they don’t matter. What matters is the conclusion we get out of them but we never do get a conclusion, not out of THIS game. That’s not us Angel those are two cowards we’re not cowards and I think its about time we stopped trying to one up each other and damn well do something about it. You gave me this confidence to stand up and fight for what I believe in and now you’re taking that away from me, because I’m scared I don’t know what to do and you’re not helping me like you’re meant to. I can’t do this alone Angel you have to show me you love me”
He keeps driving for a while like he never heard the words she uttered like there had been nothing past them worthy of recognition.
He stops and doesn’t look at her even when she queries after their sudden halt.
He gets out of the car and her eyes follow and he knows she watching him. He kicks a bit of dirt around venting all his frustration as he growls at the useless piece of dirt that rises and settles again at his feet.
He carries on looking at the dirt as if fascinated by it and then suddenly he lifts his head and marches over to the car and opens her door.
“Cordy get out,” He barks.
“What the hell…” she doesn’t even finish her sentence before he yanks her out.
“Stand in front of me” he ordered
“Why Angel what the hell?”
“Just for once please do as I say and stand in front of me”
She does as he says and shivers under his predatory glare his eyes roving each and every part of her and fixing on to her eyes. He takes a step forward and she automatically takes a step back but he’s too fast.
“Enough is enough Cordy” he grabs hold of her and keeps her there under his gaze.
“Cordelia Chase you are in love with me and I will not have you deny that any longer because it affects ME too.”
“Angel is this you helping me”
“No Cordy this is me helping us I want you to kiss me I want you to accept me I want to be yours Cordy. I want you to accept me as I do you”
“ I do but Angel its not about the vampire thing but Ang…..”
“There is no but Cordy not in this game you either take me or leave me”
“I can’t leave you. You know that”
“There’s only one way then”
“Angel……”
“Cordy take me or leave me ……..”
“Angel it’s not that simple.”
“So your saying seeing me, working with me, fighting with me, training with me every single day is going to be easy compared to admitting our feelings?” his eyes bored into hers.
“Maybe I dunno” she gave a shrug of her shoulders.
“Take me or leave me Cordelia” He pleaded
She looked up at him and he saw it there was something in her breaking like the last brick of her wall finally falling. A tear left her eyes and she leaned in and placed the softest of kisses on his lips.
“I’ll take all of you and a side of chips please”
“I think I can manage that” A wry smile on his face
Both don’t know where they were heading but they both understood they were going the same way thus completing the bittersweet moment.
End.