Title: Queen of Denial
Author: Desanera
Posted: 02-15-2002
Type: Sillyfic
Rating: pg-13
Spoilers: Everything up to WITW
Distribution: Just ask.
Warning: Pulled straight out of my...head. Dusted off and presented - checked over once for spelling.
Disclaimer: Angel and the gang are decidedly not mine, don't sue me as I've got nooo money! As I spent a good portion of yesterday sewing an anvil, I can't vouch for my sanity. As this fic will attest to.
"Angel - geez calm down! What was so important that you had to drag me up here for!!"
The vampire regarded her with blazing eyes, clenched fists and a calm unreadable face. The moment had come. The time had arrived. The torture would soon be over.
"I love you." Oh gods, the words were out. He felt an immediate weight lift from his shoulders. The twisting in his gut eased and he felt light headed - almost giddy. At last, at last, he'd said it.
Cordy relaxed. "You're a silly vamp - I know that! We went through all that before Darla got here - remember?"
Angel frowned. "No - I *love* you. Not in a friend way."
She regarded him with the patent Cordy Chase 'are you on drugs' look.
"Are you on drugs?"
He took a moment to smirk. "Yes Cordy, I'm on Vampire Crack."
"You know - Angel, what you do is your own buisiness, but you can't start wigging out with Connor here."
He stared at her, stunned. "Cordy, I was joking. There's no such thing as Vampire Crack."
"Well, if you fed on a drug dealer..."
"Yes, in that case the intoxication passes into the blood, but I don't feed off of humans."
"Maybe they drugged one of the pigs?"
Angel looked at her in confusion."Why would they drug the pigs?
"It's gotta make them easier to catch."
"Cordy - catching pigs isn't that hard."
Cordy stopped and rolled her eyes.
"OK - never tell me why you know *that* tidbit of info."
Angel stopped and stared at her.
"How did we get to pig-catching?"
Cordy snorted. How would I know - you're the one on crack!"
"I AM NOT ON CRACK!"
She giggled softly and patted him on the arm.
"I know that silly. I'm just teasing ya."
Angel stopped to straighten out tangled webs of confusion.
"OK - the original point was I love you - can we try to get back to that?"
Back to the 'are you on drugs' look.
"No Cordy, I am not on drugs. I am not under a spell. I am here, completely sane..." Cordy snorted.
Angel threw his hands up. "OK - what's that supposed to mean?"
Cordy folded her arms. "You're obviously not."
"I am too in love with you!"
She shook her head. "I meant sane."
"What? Why!"
"Because you're not."
Angel was completely lost. "How is 'because you're not' an answer?"
Cordy shook her head, confused. "What?"
Angel winced. There was no way he could be getting a headache, could he? Vampires don't get sick.
"How is 'because you're not' an answer to why I'm not sane?"
She shook her head again. "No - because you're not in love with me, not because you're not sane."
"I am too!" Oh great, he thought, Connor could come up with a better answer than that! Deep breath - screw biology - this conversation already defied sense.
"I am both sane and in love with you."
"Oh hell - not another spell!"
Angel gritted his teeth and tried not to curse.
"I already said I wasn't under a spell!"
"Which is exactly what you'd say if you were under a spell!"
"Cordy..."
"Come on Angel - we'll get you down to Wesley and get you de-zapped."
He stopped her and gently took her shoulders.
"Cordelia. I am not under a spell. I am not drunk, on drugs or anything else. I love you. I've loved you for a while now." He ran a soft thumb over her lips, and she shivered. He relaxed and bent in for a gentle kiss, when she moved out of his embrace.
Version 1
"You're not in love with me."
He sighed. Not again.
"I thought we already established that I was."
"But you can't be."
He looked at her. That last sentence had come without hesitation. As if she'd needed no time to think it, much less to speak it.
"Why not?" he asked cautiously.
"Because it's not possible. It's an elemental law - like gravity."
"How is this an elemental law? And you've already broken the gravity one by the way..."
She smirked. "Hmm - ok, bad example."
Angel sighed, wanting to bang his head against a wall. Actually, it felt like he'd actually been doing that for some time now.
"OK - let's try this from a different angle. Do you love me?"
She waved that away. "That's not even a question."
"What?!?"
"It's completely irrelevant."
Angel took another deep breath. She was going to make him hyperventilate.
"Cordy - that's about the most non-irrelevant question I've ever asked."
She gave him a blank look, and the pounding in his head doubled.
"OK - let's try something else. I'm going to say a word..."
"Lame lame lame."
"Cordy - give me a break here, will you? OK - green."
"Lorne" He smiled at her answer.
"Axe" he asked.
"Hubcap" He smiled again. Who else would come up with that answer.
"Connor"
She smiled. "Sweetie."
"Moon"
"Oz.
"Love me?" (Subtle - real subtle)
"Always" The answer came without hesitation and with a gentle smile that warmed Angel right through.
"Love ya"
"Never."
"Why not?"
"Not possible."
"Why not?"
"Just is, and I think we broke the one word rule."
She opened her eyes and looked at Angel with a slightly alarmed look.
Angel took a cautious look at her.
"You love me." It was a reiteration, not a question.
"Pretty much" she said softly.
"But you can't believe I love you?"
Her lips moved, but no voice came out and she frowned. OK - now this was getting weird. She looked up at Angel to see the same frown on his face.
"OK - let's take this from the top. I love you."
"Are you on drugs?" She clapped her hand over her mouth and looked alarmedly at Angel.
"I am in love with you."
"Not possible." Even she looked surprised at this one.
"Why not?"
"You love Buffy."
He grinned. "After your rendition of the Buffy/Angel show, I'd think you understood that one already."
She winced. "Sorry about..."
He smiled. "It was basically true. Unpleasant but true."
Cordy stared at him with fierce eyes and started speaking. Every word was forced and slow, like trying to breathe through maple syrup, and her fists clenched with the effort.
"Angel - I think I know that. Maybe. But it's not..." she trailed off, her throat cutting off the words before she could speak them.
Angel stopped her with a soft kiss to the cheek.
"Before I call Wesley and make him go through every book he owns, are you sure you're not just doing this to hear me say 'I love you' fifty times?"
She gave him the 'are you on drugs' look again.
Downstairs, Wesley was in the ninth circle of hell. Fred and Gunn were all but snuggling, and if he went home they'd just ask him what was wrong. And he might be tempted to answer that one honestly. What he needed was a distraction - a complex, subtle and nearly impossible puzzle to keep him distracted for hours. Days maybe.
"WESLEY!!!!" Angel's voice roared through the Hyperion.
He sighed in relief. Ask and ye shall be answered.
End of Version 1
Ending Notes:
Hi all
Sorry about the version thing, but I couldn't figure out how to finish this and had too many ideas. I picked the shortest one because I'm supposed to be working on a LARP. But next week I'll start posting the others - I think I've got about two or three more versions of Cordy's denial.