Title: Moving Forward....Mostly.
Author: Daisy
Posted: 12-05-2002
Rating: R for occasional swearing
Email: e.large@talk21.com
Content: Romance/Angst.
Summary: Sequel to "Back and Forth"
Spoilers: Set at the end of Season two of Angel
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: You want it, you got it. But be a peach and let me know
Notes: Sequel to Back and forth, ok kids this follows on from B&F straight away in a round aboud fashion. We have Angel narrating this time. See if you can spot the exact moment I got fed up with writing angst, the winner gets a cookie.<

---

Continued...

One overused credit card later..

Winifred 'Fred' Burkle hadn't celebrated Christmas for five years, holidays seemed rather pointless when you were living on your own in a cave. The petite Texan was making up for it now though, mistletoe ivy and holly adorned every surface and doorway of the lobby of the Hyperion Hotel, she was tempted to break out the tinsel and fake snow but she was sure that would be a little too much for Angel. Fred was pleased with her work nonetheless and the delighted gasp that emanated from Cordelia as she came through the front door made the time she'd spent on the lobby worth it.

"Oh Fred honey it's gorgeous!" Cordelia clapped her hands happily, a delighted smile lighting up her eyes.

"Do you think Angel will mind?" Fred asked nervously.

"Will I mind what?" Angel grunted from behind a tower of shopping bags as he lumbered into the Hotel. Fred bit her lip and edged towards Cordelia as the vampire put down the packages and took in the Christmas decorations. "Oh. It's...it's...." He blinked, the large number of lit candles made him nervous.

"It's Christmas Angel." Cordelia informed him evenly as she watched Fred wander across the lobby to fiddle with the mistletoe hanging in the doorway. The seer raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at Angel. "Remember Christmas? Good will to all men and nervous little physicists that hero worship the ground you stalk on? Sound familiar?"
Angel got her point and joined the newest member of their little team.

"Thank you Fred, it's lovely." He whispered in her ear and kissed her cheek before she even knew he was next to her.

"Oh um...err..you're welcome!" Fred squeaked nervously. "I wanted to do something nice for you and Cordy because I know things have been difficult for both of you of late and I'm sure it hasn't helped having me skittering around the Hotel and poking my nose into things that aren't my business and I really love Christmas so I thought I'd decorate but I think I must have got carried away you can take it down if you want." She rambled.

"Take a breath Fred." Cordelia called from the office.

"Sorry." Fred blushed red.

"I love it, it's very..." Angel waved his hand oddly. "...festive."

"I thought so." Fred relaxed. "So how was shopping?"

"Exhausting." He grumbled, the truth though was he'd loved spending so much time with Cordelia on her own away from the Hotel.

"Oh don't be such a grump Angel, I know you had fun." Cordelia joined them on the couch. "There was one point when he didn't complain for at least ten minutes." She smiled conspiratorially at the Texan.

"Wow." Fred giggled, she adored watching Cordelia and Angel when they were like this, she just wished the pair would talk about their feelings for each other so they could be together properly. "What did you buy?"

"It would be easier to list what she didn't buy." Angel muttered under his breath, Cordelia kicked his shin and scowled at him.

"Just a few bits, baby grows and blankets, some clothes for when I'm eight months pregnant and can't fit into anything but a tent. Oh and the cutest little pink dungarees from Baby Gap, she is going to be the best dressed baby girl in California." Cordelia smiled happily and rested her hand over her swollen belly as she talked about their child.

"Or the most confused little boy in California." Angel could help but mirror her happy mood. It was so good to see Cordelia back to her old self again, the tired vacant eyes that had looked through him only weeks before were now lit up with the soft candle light.

"Yeah well we'll see mister. I'm right though. Definitely a girl." Cordelia nodded mostly to herself, she grimaced as she shifted in her seat, her feet were sore from walking and her back ached from standing.

"Put your foot up on here." Angel patted his thigh, when she just stared at him and didn't move he lifted her foot up for her. Any protests she was forming in her mouth flew away as soon as Angel's strong thumb began to rub delicate circles across the arch of her foot. A deep sigh slipped passed her lips. Fred was starting to feel like a third wheel.

"Where's Wes and Gunn?" Angel asked her as he carried on rubbing Cordelia's feet.

"Huh? Oh, Wesley said something about picking up a book he needed for....something and Charles has gone for take out." Fred told them.

"A book for what? Fred is Wesley still looking for prophecies about the baby? I thought he would have given up by now, he just refuses to believe that this is just a happy accident and doesn't signal the end of the world."

"He just worries about you Cordy, we all do." Fred tried to appease her. The half smile she received from Cordelia told her she wasn't angry, just slightly annoyed at the Englishman.

"And I love you all for it but you guys have got to relax, OK? It's making me crazy and Angel's credit card can't handle another retail therapy session for a while." Cordelia reluctantly pulled her foot from Angel's embrace and stood up, stretching her arms and back at the same time. "I'm going to go upstairs and change my bra because the one I'm wearing is quite clearly too small for me now." She put her hands on her hips and scowled at her breasts. Angel tried his best not stare too but failed miserably.

"Do you need a hand?" He said with out thinking, Fred's giggling snapped him out of his trance and made him realise what he'd said. "I mean do you need a hand carrying anything upstairs not do you need a hand changing your bra because I'm sure you can do that on your own, unless you do need help then I'd be happy to help. Not *happy* happy......Fred I think your rambling is contagious."

"Welcome to my world." Fred patted him sympathetically on the shoulder.

"Your so sweet when you bumble." Cordelia tilted her head and smiled softly at him, she was warm happy and safe and didn't want to listen to her internal censor that told her not to say things that would show Angel the content of her heart.

"Ooh ooh! Mistletoe!" Fred bounced up and down, pointing to the small sprig that was hanging above Cordelia and Angel.

"Sweetie it's kinda difficult to be in the lobby and not stand under mistletoe, you've put it everywhere." The young seer suddenly felt nervous.

"You have to kiss, it's the law." Fred ignored her and stood her ground. She was going to get these two together if it killed her.

"I don't think..." Cordelia's reply was cut off by Angel's cool lips pressing against hers, it could have been construed as a chaste kiss between two best friends but it lasted a little too long and Cordelia leant towards Angel with a little to much fervour for it to be platonic.
Cordelia had a horrible thought that she may have whimpered when his lips left hers, she opened her eyes only to lose herself in the vampires who was staring intently at her. Was that love she saw?

"It is the law after all." Angel whispered to her, he tucked her hair behind her ear then took a step back. Fred watched them physically move away from each other and sighed, little steps Winifred she told herself.

***

I love Fred, she's one of the best people I have ever known. I might not understand what she's talking about half the time but that happens with most women I know. Because of Fred's imaginative mistletoe placement I managed to kiss Cordelia at least twice a day every day and blame it on the laws of Christmas. Fred truly is a genius.

Christmas came and went as it does every year, although this one was far better then the two hundred and forty odd I had suffered through before. I actually enjoyed it this time, how could I not when I had a family around me and the woman I loved was having my child. Happy times at the Hyperion for once.

"All I'm saying Angel is I'm happy right now and I don't want to tempt fate."

"Cordy, since when do you believe in fate?"

Ha! That one's stumped her.

"Aren't you happy with how we are?"

See now she's turned this around to be about me. Very sneaky.

"You know I am, if it weren't for my soul being stuck in place I'm pretty sure Angelus would have reared his ugly head."

Yeah, you heard right. I'm one safely happy vampire thanks to Wesley.

"Then why do you want to shake things up by getting married?"

"Because I love you and I want us to be official, all down on paper for the world to see. I want something normal in our lives Cordy, you deserve something normal."

I'm full of surprises aren't I?

"I don't want normal Angel, I just want you."

It's going to take me a while to think up an argument for that one.

Remember earlier when I said that we'd been through some really tough times? Well it's time I told you about the toughest.

After months of insanity things were finally settling down, Wesley was still on the prophecy search but getting nowhere, Lorne was doing his Lorne type things, Fred and Gunn were tentatively dating apparently, Cordy said something about pancake kisses one day and quite frankly that was enough information for me. Cordelia and I.....we were doing fine too, back to being best of friends again. Back to bickering and laughing just like old times. Except of course that she was six months pregnant with my child and she still didn't know that I loved her so much I could barely see straight.

Anyway the point is we'd settled back to being a family again, fighting the good fight and looking after each other, nobody expected the seven foot Delthrax demon that came crashing through the front door brandishing a broadsword that made all the men in the room feel rather inadequate that Wednesday evening. Wesley had been reading, Lorne talking quietly to Cordelia, Gunn and I were cleaning out the weapons cabinet on Cordelia's stern request and Fred was taking a bath. See, no one expected it, no one expected the Delthrax to run straight for Cordelia and lift her out of her chair by her hair and press the sword to her throat.....

***

Fred 1 - Delthrax 0

"AARGGGHH! What the hell.....!!!????" Cordelia screamed as she was yanked out of her seat on the sofa by her hair. Her yells were cut off by the cold blade that pressed against the side of her throat.

"LET HER GO!" Angel growled as he stalked across the room, his game face had slipped into place and a burning fear rose up inside him. The vampire felt the demon inside him push at the barrier of his soul, whispering into his minds ear to let him out to play. He's touching our woman, let me make him pay, Angelus' voice tempted him.

"You took mine...I take yourssssss!" The Delthrax hissed, it's forked tongue flicked out and licked the side of Cordelia's face. Angel saw Cordelia's face scrunch in disgust, her eyes wide with anger.

"I have touched nothing that belongs to you." Angel kicked up the sword at his feet and carried on advancing forward.

"Umm actually you did. On a case last week, Delthrax infestation near the pier, I think this is the one that we couldn't find." Wesley informed him as he came to stand before him, cross bow in hand.

"I knew it would come around and bite us in the butt." Gunn muttered under his breath and flanked the vampires other side.

"Less talking, more Cordelia saving!" The ex-cheerleader snapped then promptly shut up when the demon behind her yanked her hair spitefully. Her eyes fluttered down to where Lorne was still sitting stunned on the couch, she saw something unreadable in his eyes and tensed even further.

"Your fight is with me, not the girl. She's of no use to you, put her down and you and I can go a few rounds." Angel twirled the sword around idly, he tempered his overwhelming fear down and let Angelus take over for a while.

"Ssssshhe will pay for your sinsssss." Delthrax lowered the squirming woman to the floor but didn't let her go, he moved his clawed hand around her delicate neck and squeezed until he heard the woman gasp in pain.

"She's mine." Angel growled and bared his teeth. "If you hurt her in any way I will tear your limbs from you one by one."

"Vampire with ssssoul threatens me? Fool." Out of the corner of his eye Delthrax saw Lorne spring to his feet, the prescient demon had taken only one step before he felt the hot steel enter his side deeply. Lorne blinked and looked down at the sword protruding from his stomach.

"Lorne!" Cordelia screamed.

"Oh crap." Lorne grumbled and fell backwards off the sword hitting the lobby floor with a thud.

"I take thissss one and no one else diessss." Delthrax told them evenly.
"That's really not going to work for me I'm afraid." Angel shook his head and raised his eyebrows. "How about you put my girl down and we have a chat? No? Well that's a shame. I guess we're back to me killing you very slowly then." He sighed dramatically.

"Angel...stop fucking about!" Cordelia hissed as the demon gripped her throat, the edge of her vision was blurring and she was close to blacking out.

"You will pay for your sinsss dirty vampire, I will bathe in the blood of the one you love, sssshe will beg for..."

Angel pounced forward but stopped suddenly when he saw the Delthrax's eyes bulge in his head, his threats dying on his tongue. The demons grip loosened enough for Cordelia to struggle free and collapse into Angel's arms, holding her close he hurried her away from the Delthrax and seated her on the couch on the other side of the lobby. Everyone watched in confusion when the enormous demon stumbled forward and collapsed face first on to the floor, a large hubcap shaped axe embedded deeply into his back.

"Well, that wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be." Fred shifted nervously under her friends gazes. "Hey everyone." She waved timidly at them. In all the commotion no one had seen the small Texan edging quietly down the stairs on her back and reaching for Gunn's beloved axe. They had no idea it had taken all her strength and courage to heave it up and bring it crashing down on the demon in front of her. A woman doesn't live in another dimension for five years without learning how to defend herself.

"Fred?" Wesley had fully expected a long and arduous battle with the Delthrax, seeing it dead on the floor with an axe between the shoulder blades had left him slightly confused. Angel jogged back to where the demon was lying prone and kicked it, seeing if it was going to get up again. A part of the vampire wanted it to so he could wail on it for a few hours.

"Wow. That is the coolest thing I have ever seen!" Gunn couldn't keep the adoration out of his voice. "Girl you completely rule!" He ruffled her hair and wrapped an arm around her.

"I have my moments." Fred blushed.

"That was a dangerous thing to do Fred, you could have been hurt." Angel chided her gently, at the crestfallen look that took over her face he smiled warmly at her. "But it was really cool."

"I'm fine by the way." Lorne grunted as he stumbled to his feet. "Please, nobody worry about the person with the gapping stab wound in his gut." He groused.

"Sorry Lorne, will you be OK?" Wesley and Angel helped him to stand, Lorne knew the wound was far from fatal, a couple days in bed and several sea-breezes would make him much better, but was a little concern from his friends be too much to ask?

"I'll be peachy fine." Lorne's self pity vanished, his head whipped up and his stare settled on the too quiet figure of Cordelia Chase across the lobby. "It's not me you need to be worrying about." He pushed the vampire away from him and gestured to the pale young woman. "She needs you NOW!"

"Angel....Somethings wrong with...arrggh! Angel!" Cordelia fell from the couch to her knees, her arms wrapped protectively around her swollen belly. "Oh god there's something wrong with the baby!" The Seer gasped in pain.

Angel's world slowed down as he rushed to his fallen girl, it was though he was outside of his body watching himself lift Cordelia into his arms, telling her that everything would be OK, that he loved her, that nothing was going to happen to their child. He knew it was him that was carrying Cordelia to his car and laying her sobbing body down into the back-seat, it was him that screamed at Gunn to drive faster to the hospital, it was him that had begged Wesley to do something when Cordelia lost consciousness in his arms, but he watched it all through a fog of terror.

***

Have you ever watched your entire reason for existence slip through your fingers and you can't do a damn thing about it? I prayed to every god that had deserted me and made even more pacts with the devil on the ride to the ER.

I'll be a better warrior, I'll give up my Shanshu, I'll do whatever you want me to do just please don't take them away from me.

I thought I had lost everything.

***

Two confessions for the price of one.
Cordelia knew where she was before she even opened her eyes. A strong smell of disinfectant assaulted her nose and made her scrunch her nose in disgust. She really hated Hospitals, even after all the time she had spent in them while living on the Hellmouth she detested even being near the place. A sudden thought occurred to her and she forced her eyes open.

Why am I in hospital?

Cordelia struggled to sit up, her bump made it an increasingly difficult task. She realised Angel was asleep in a chair next to the bed, his head resting in his folded arms on the starchy white sheets. Cordelia ran her hand through his spiky hair, delighting in the way it tickled her palm. Angel stirred when he felt her touch, rubbing his face groggily he sat up and blinked at Cordelia.

"Hey." Cordelia smiled at him.

"You're awake." Angel's face broke into a bright smile, he engulfed her in a tight hug, pulling away slightly but unable to let her go the vampire settled onto the bed next to her. Angel smoothed the messy hair from Cordelia's face, relief flooding through him.

"Have I...is the baby OK?" Cordelia asked him desperately, the events of the last few hours bursting forward in her brain.

"The baby is fine Cordy." Angel tucked a few stray strands of hair behind her ear, "He is as healthy and stubborn as his mother." He told her tenderly.

"She. It's a girl. What happened?" Cordelia relaxed.

"Too much stress and excitement, our little one decided to make *himself* known. There will be no more surprise demon attacks for you young lady."

"You'll get no argument from me on that one. There's really nothing wrong?"

"Everything is fine sweetheart, you need to take it very very easy from now on though." Angel smoothed his hand over the swell of her stomach.

"Once again, no arguments here. Did I pass out? I feel like I passed out." Cordelia's skin had prickled at the soft endearment that had fallen from Angel's lips and she felt the desperate need to hear it again and again.

"Yeah, it shouldn't have been a surprise though, you'd just been attacked by a Delthrax after all. The bodies natural reaction to that kind of trauma is to just shut down and with the added panic of Angel Jnr doing extra strength somersaults you fainted."

"How long have I been asleep? Oh and there is no way we are calling her Angel jnr." Cordelia rested her head against the solid expanse of his chest.

"A couple of hours." He kissed the top of her head. "You really scared me." Angel frowned in thought, he couldn't shake the desperate fear he had felt when she had collapsed in the lobby, he'd thought he'd lost her and his soul had screamed out desperately.

"I'm sorry." Cordelia yawned. "Angel?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't think I can pretend anymore, it takes too much energy." She said before really thinking. The young seer was exhausted and her mouth and heart were working before her brain.

"Pretend what?" Angel lifted her chin so she was looking at him.

"That I don't love you, that I'm not in love with you." Cordelia untangled herself from his arms and looked him square in the eye. "I know you don't feel the same way about me and I'm dealing with that, but I can't keep pretending that everything is fine when it's not."

"You love me?" He said stunned.

"I know it's probably not what you want to hear right now but..." Cordelia could feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment, she dearly wished that she hadn't said anything.

"You...you're in love with me?" Angel blinked trying to sort through the words in his head.

"Err yeah, that's what I just said." Cordelia rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Jeez Angel why do you think I slept with you in Pylea, if I were looking for a quick roll in the hay I would have slept with...."

"For my sanity please *don't* finish that sentence." Angel cut her off forcefully, he really didn't want to know who she would have slept with.

"Sorry." Cordelia mumbled.

"So let me get this straight. You are in love with me. You love me." Angel jabbed his finger into her chest and then into his.

"Angel do you need a diagram to understand this?" She scowled at him when he began to chuckle, Cordelia hadn't expected him to laugh at her. "I'm glad you find this so amusing."

"Oh sweetheart I wasn't laughing at you, I promise. I just realised how monumentally stupid we both are." Angel smiled and pulled her back to him, running his hands up and down her arms.

"Speak for yourself vampire...." Annoyed Cordelia tried to jerk out of his arms.

"I love you too Cordelia." Angel told her sincerely, marvelling in how easy it was for him to say after all this time. Cordelia stopped struggling and gaped at him, her first instinct was to hit him. She always went with her first instinct.

"Hey! What was that for?" The vampire caught her wrist gently before she could land another blow on his shoulder.

"Don't lie. I don't need you humouring me Angel. I'm a big girl, I can handle you not feeling the same way about me, you don't have to lie." Cordelia frowned at him.

"Dammit woman I'm not lying to you! I just told you I'm in love with you too, I would never lie to you about that. I love you so much it's been making me crazy. I love you so much that I drank four bottles of tequila when I found out we'd made love and I couldn't fucking remember it! I've been in love with you for a long time but I didn't think you felt the same so I didn't say anything. You are an annoying, stubborn, bossy, funny, beautiful, amazing woman Cordelia Chase and I LOVE YOU! Understand? Need me to draw you a diagram?" Angel finished his rant smiling.

"No, I think...I think I get the picture." It was Cordelia's turn to look confused.

"Good. I'm glad we have that sorted out at last." Angel murmured then caught her lips with a kiss, it was soft and tender, passion would come later, for now they simply enjoyed the gentle moment.

***

Maybe you were expecting passion filled clinches under a full moon when Cordelia and I finally said the L word, lots of growling and clothes ripping, howling to the stars, bite fuelled orgasms and all that jazz? Do you really expect me to tell you about all that? You do? You're a bunch of gutter-minds the lot of you. I'm sure you can imagine well enough on your own. All I'm going to say about our sex life is wow!

"Marry me?"

"Go to sleep Angel."

"Marry me?"

"Shhh."

"Cordy, marry me?"

"Oh for the love of god will you shut up already!"

"Cordelia?"

"What?"

"Marry me?"

I am nothing if not persistent. After Cordelia left the hospital it took me about a week to convince her to move into the hotel with me, I'm rather proud of that actually, it's been bumpy sailing since then. This morning when we were in bed I asked Cordelia Chase to marry me and I seem to have been asking the same question over and over again without getting an answer. It's a good thing I'm a patient man.

"Angel, sweet heart, honey, pumpkin, dumbarse, if I say I'll marry you will you please let me go to sleep?"

"Yes."

"Fine."

"Was that a yes?"

"Hmmm mmm."

"Cordy? Cordelia? Did you say you'd marry me? Cor are you asleep?"

"Mmmm hmmm."

I think I'll take that as a yes.

End.