Title: Cordy Branches Out
Author: califi
Posted: 04-18-2004
Email:
Rating: PG
Category: Humour, AtS2
Content: C/A
Summary: Gosh!! I actually wrote this after watching an episode of My Wife & Kids, a U.S. Sitcom I LOVE, and I took the liberty of pinching and twisting a scene from it. Just read.
Spoilers:
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution:
Notes:
Feedback: Yes please.
Thanks/Dedication:And the Drama Begins…
“Oh, my God! Oh my God! I’m a murderer!” all three men talking in the lobby turned as one at the rushed entry of a very flushed and hysterical Seer. “Don’t touch me- I have blood on my hands!” as Angel approached in an attempt to soothe her.
“I can’t see any,” he observed dutifully- and a bit too calmly for Cordy’s liking and she instantly stood back and glared at him.
“Don’t be facetious Mister I-Kill-On-A-Nightly-Basis!” she literally growled, causing the vampire to step back too, a little hurt that she’d say such a thing. Instantly she crumbled. “Oh, I’m sorry, I never meant that, “she sobbed, rubbing her hands together fretfully.
Wes, who’d finally closed his gaping mouth, stepped forwards tentatively, his face one of concern and growing dread. “Did you come across a demon on the way to work, Cordelia?” when she shook her head and sobbed even louder, but still knocking Angel’s hesitant hands away with a cringe, Wes frowned for a moment; then his face cleared when something occurred to him.
“You drove Angel’s car here today didn’t you- did you have an automobile accident?” at his query, the gentle hands of the owner of said car changed to an all out snatch and grab.
“You crashed my car? My Plymouth Convertible?” without realising it, Angel had hold of the brunette’s upper arms and was shaking her a little too enthusiastically- Gunn stepped forward hastily and put a hand on the vampire’s shoulder in subtle warning.
“Girl won’t be able to tell you if you go shaking her head off her shoulders, man. Cut it out.” He grunted, relived when his words were instantly heeded.
“I’m just saying…I love that car,” Angel stepped back, shoving his fisted hands in his pockets and threw worried glances towards the closed hotels doors: the sunlight taunted him mercilessly.
Cordelia was too into her own world of guilt at the terrible act of ‘murder’ she’d committed to be up to her usual level of snarky one-liners and simply wrung her hands, pacing the lobby, her face now pale, tear-streaked and definitely distraught. Wes attempted to question her again.
“Did you…. did you hit someone; dear Lord, have you knocked down some poor, defenceless pedestrian” his face lost colour until it matched the hue of the distressed girl. “Or, even someone’s granny?” his words fading to a horrified whisper. Gunn rolled his eyes, patting his shoulder on the way past.
“That’s right, English; help the shock victim on her way to hyperventilation.” Inwardly smug at the surprised looks he got off both the vampire and his boss. He was way cool before he ever hooked up with these freaks of nature!
Cordy finally looked at the concerned man hovering in front of her. “I hit someone- well, not someone- more like something… are they ‘things’? Or am I being all specyist?” she asked no one in particular at the same time that Wes spoke.
“’Prejudiced’” he corrected absently, before adding, “I knew it had to be a demon; no one ever listens to me,” he grumbled under his breath.
“I’m listening- and you’re wrong,” Cordy shuddered as she attempted to collect herself. “It wasn’t a demon - or someone’s granny,” glaring at the Englishman with a stink eye- that didn’t actually work too well with red, watery orbs. She drew a deep breath, and everyone turned towards her expectantly.
“It was a squirrel!” she finally exploded, her mouth trembling.
Angel turned his back abruptly to hide the grin that threatened to split his face, and Gunn snorted, sitting down on a couch, not caring who heard or saw him. Wes cleared his throat several times before attempting to speak.
“Oh dear,” and THAT came out sympathetic; going by the glare aimed his way from the trembling brunette. “Maybe you didn’t actually kill it- maybe winged it slightly”, come on! he was at least attempting to make her feel better, wasn’t he?
Unlike some people and vampires he wouldn’t mention; he could see Angel’s shoulders twitching and sidled over to nudge him with a sharp elbow. The vampire shot him a glare of his own before turning to face his best friend.
“Yeah, Cor; maybe you just winged the little furry thing.” Wes gave him kudos for keeping a straight face at that even as he quickly looked at his feet and attempted to rearrange his features in something akin to concern.
“Nope! There was no ‘winging’- I know, cos I stopped and got out to check!” cordy informed them seriously. “It was all…” she lifted her arms in the air with her elbows tucked against her side, her head tilted to one side with her eyes rolled back and tongue dangling limply out of the side of her slack mouth. Three snorts of laughter shot out, but were quickly stifled when her face crumpled again.
“I’m a killleeeeeeeeeeerr,” she wailed, causing the vampire to finally rush over and gather her in his arms. “No you’re not, baby.” He soothed gently.
“Nah, you ain’t, girl; you’re a squiller.” Gunn piped up. Getting two angry looks and a tortured expression from the young woman. Big fat tears plopped onto her flushed cheeks and he caved. “Look, Cordy; you want me to go get it and give it a nice burial for ya?” he was rewarded with a watery smile.
“Thanks Gunn, you’re a star; but you don’t need to get it- I picked it up with an old jacket in the back and put it on the passenger seat of Angel’s car.”
“YOU DID WHAT!”…
End.