Title: A Season's Greetings
Author: Aysheh
Posted: 07-23-2002
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Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
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Notes: Seeing as my last two stories were so depressing I've written something on a lighter note. I hope you enjoy it.
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"We need to show Connor that there is still some goodness left in the world. Since the day he got here all he’s experienced of the world is violence and hate. We need to show him that love still exists. Love and happiness, kindness and beauty", said Angel
"Sweet", said Cordelia dryly, "How? In our line of work it’s not exactly the easiest thing to do"
"We could introduce the traditional dates", suggested Wesley
"Traditional dates?!", said Gunn with a raised eyebrow
"You know. Easter, Christmas, that kind of thing. Make a big thing of it this year"
"Not bad", said Angel, "We could try that"
"Great", said Cordelia, enthusiastically, "this will be the best year yet".
St. Patrick's Day
Angel lurched down the street. Connor swaggered along beside him. Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn, Fred, and Lorne were keeping their distance ten yards behind them. They stopped outside a pub. It had been done up specially and was covered in clovers, shamrocks, and Leprechauns. The Irish flag flew high, and Angel tried to point it out to Connor,
"Now I’m going to show you what we Irish are all about", and he pulled Connor through the double doors. The others stopped outside it for a moment. This had been Angel’s idea and at first they had thought it was a good one. They weren’t too sure anymore considering the state Angel and Connor were in. Lorne had taken the night off to come with them but as he entered the pub his face dropped. Horror of all horrors, it was karaoke night.
The pub was filled with St. Patrick’s Day decorations. Shouting, singing, dancing, traditional Irish music pumped through the pub which was filled with happy drunken celebrating people. Angel and Connor had seemed lost amongst the crowd of people but Cordelia spotted them by the bar ordering pints of Guinness.
Two hours of drinking later...
"If I hit you will you have a vision?", Lorne asked desperately
"No"
"We have to do something", said Gunn
"Maybe we could lure in some vampires", suggested Fred
"Or call up a demon", put in Wesley
"Or start a fight", Gunn said
"Anything", Lorne wailed.
There was the piercing squeak of a microphone being turned on, and then the thick Irish voice of the host,
"And now we have Angel, and his son singing, "Oh, Danny Boy".
Gripping the microphone tightly Angel swung his arm round Connor’s shoulder and they began their duet,
"Oh Danny Boy
The pipes, the pipes are calling..."
The pub was silenced as a deep shudder went through them. Angel and Connor were oblivious to the audience’s pain and continued to sing. It seemed that Angel’s bad singing was hereditary. Angel and Connor took a deep breath and lunged into the second verse,
"But come ye back, when summer’s
In the meadow
Or when the valley’s hushed and
White with snow..."
Lorne began to cover his ears, and waved the others to do the same. They didn’t understand. The singing was bad, ultimately terrible but not deafening.
"Till I’ll be *here*", Angel and Connor suddenly shot up several octaves.
The pain was excruciating as they hit a piercing out of tune note. The crowd winced, glasses splintered, windows shattered, hands were clapped over ears, teeth were set on edge. The pain, oh God, the pain.
"In sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny Boy, oh Danny Boy
I love you so".
It was over, finally, it was over. The host staggered onto the stage his ears still ringing. He was never, ever, not in a million years going to forget that performance.
"And there you have it", he said weakly, "Angel and Connor".
As Angel and Connor stumbled back to the table, the rest of A.I. turned away as their surrounding tables started giving them odd looks,
"They’re not with us", Cordelia tried unconvincingly to tell their neighbouring table, really".
Angel fell into the chair next to hers, put his arm round her and gave her a rather sloppy kiss. Cordelia tried to shake him off,
"He’s not my boyfriend, honest"
"How’s my pre-pre-preswous girlfwend", he slurred.
"Fine, just fine", she said, wishing she could just evaporate on the spot.
"Now you see", said Angel, leaning on the table, and putting his elbow in a pool of beer, "that is a true Irish song. It shows what we Irish-ers are really about. It’s really Irish because it is Irish which makes it Irish so it’s really Irish. See"
Angel’s eyelids were starting to droop, and his eyes were beginning to glaze over.
"Really", said Wesley, dryly, "it was written by an English lawyer, and the tune’s French"
"But even so", Angel’s head dropped on the table and he started to drool, "it’s still vereeeeeeee Irish", and he passed out.
May Day
Connor collapsed on his bed. He was so tired. He kicked off his shoes and pulled the covers up around him. It had been a long day, a long day’s hard slog. Vampires, demons, people sprouting strange and bizarre wings from their heads, things climbing out of the sewers. It was as if the whole supernatural population had suddenly decided that today was the day that they were all going to come out and charge. He closed his eyes and within seconds he had fallen into a deep slumber.
It felt like only minutes later when he heard the tingling of bells. Lots of bells. What was going on. Slowly he came round and peered up through half closed eyes. This had to be a dream. The man wearing a hat encircled with flowers in a white shirt and black waistcoat with the red and white striped pants and bells round his wrists and ankles waving a sheep’s bladder on a stick in one hand and a tambourine in the other could not be Wesley. As he shook the sleep from his eyes he realised with horror that he wasn’t dreaming, and it was Wesley wearing the strange and ghastly costume. What was going on?
Cordelia twitched. Why could she hear bells? What was going on? OW! She opened her eyes and looked up. She had to be still dreaming. The man wearing a hat encircled with flowers in a white shirt and black waistcoat with the red and white striped pants and bells round his wrists and ankles waving a sheep’s bladder on a stick in one hand and a tambourine in the other could not be Angel.
"What are you doing?!", she said completely disgusted
"I’m a Morris Dancer", Angel said cheerfully
"You look like a complete idiot. Why are you dressed up in that obscene outfit?"
"It’s May Morning"
"It’s what?!"
"It’s a British Pagan tradition"
"Well, we’re not in Britain, we’re in America"
Angel’s face suddenly fell and he sat heavily down on the bed,
"Tell me something I don’t know. I don’t know how Wesley got me to dress up like this. It’s May Morning, he wanted us to get up and watch the sunrise. I told him, I can’t watch the sunrise. I’ll burst into flames but he said it’d be fun so come on. If I have to dress up like this then you’re going to have to get up".
It was the ringing sound that had awoken Fred but she couldn’t be awake. She just couldn’t be. The man wearing a hat encircled with flowers in a white shirt and black waistcoat with the red and white striped pants and bells round his wrists and ankles waving a sheep’s bladder on a stick in one hand and a tambourine in the other could not be Gunn. He would never dress up in such a ridiculous outfit.
"What the hell are you doing?", asked a mystified Fred
Gunn was looking very annoyed. This was not something he wanted to be doing. This was something he would never have dreamed of doing. Why was he doing it? He looked terrible.
Angel, Cordelia, Gunn, Fred, and Connor looked angrily at the cheerful Wesley.
"Tell me again why we’re doing this?", said a very degraded Gunn
"It’s an age old tradition. On the first of May you get up an watch the sunrise"
"But why the costumes?"
"I told you about Morris dancers earlier, now come on. Let’s go out. Dawn’s about to break"
"Out?! I can’t go out dressed like this. I’m supposed to be feared by the demon world. I’ll never be able to show my face in public again. Firstly from shame, secondly because I’ll be nothing but ashes"
"Out into the garden", Wesley couldn’t understand why his friends were looking so miserable. This was supposed to be a fun and happy celebration. He picked up the tape player and the others followed him grudgingly out into the garden. They all sat down on the bench while Angel stood in the shadows. Wesley turned on the tape player.
"Dong, Dong, Dong,"
"What’s that?", asked Connor, sleepily
"It’s Big Ben"
"Big what?!"
"The famous English clock tower"
"Dong, Dong, Dong"
"Why do we have to listen to it?", said Cordelia with a yawn.
"It brings in a better atmosphere".
"Wait a minute. There is a time difference you know. England is eight hours ahead of us"
"I know. I taped it. The song will be on in a minute"
"Song?!", said his colleagues in chorus, "what so..."
"Now is the month of May
When the merry leaves are gay
Fa la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la"
"There", said Wesley with a broad grin. He looked round at the five sullen faces, "look at that sunrise. Isn’t it marvellous"
"I’m going back to bed", said Connor moodily, getting up
"Wait", said Wesley joyously, "I’ve prepared breakfast".
Gunn poked at his charred piece of bacon while Fred prodded her rubbery egg. Connor looked at his scorched tomatoes, and Cordelia looked at her burnt fried bread in disgust.
"I cooked it myself", Wesley said, beaming at them, "Go on, tuck in".
Easter
"I don’t get it", said Connor dully
"Well there’s this fluffy rabbit in a waistcoat and hat who carries a basket full of eggs and gives them to good children"
For some unknown reason Connor just couldn’t grasp the concept of Easter. Most children knew the story. Connor didn’t but Connor wasn’t like most kids. He had grown up in a hell dimension where fluffy rabbits didn’t exist and if they did they didn’t stay fluffy for long.
"Well", Wesley began, "I guess...", he trailed off. He wasn’t quite sure what to say next.
"But why the rabbit? Why does it hop around giving out eggs? What does it want in return? I mean it’s not exactly normal is it? There must be some deeper meaning to the rabbit, right?".
Connor decided to get out of the hotel for a bit. His father and friends seemed to have gone a little crazy. Rabbits in waistcoats handing out chocolate eggs! As he walked into town a leaflet was thrust into his face. He looked at it. There was a miserable looking man nailed to a cross: The True Meaning of Easter, was printed in large bold letters. This didn’t look like someone who hopped around handing out eggs to good children. He continued walking as he began to read the leaflet.
Confused and puzzled Connor returned to the hotel. He wanted to escape the outside world which had also seemingly gone crazy. He now had about ten leaflets stuffed in his coat pockets. Who were those strange people with the thick black books wandering round the streets crying out "his resurrection is nigh". He went up to his room to think about it. Some guy got nailed to a cross because a rabbit handed out chocolate eggs to children. No, no, that can’t be right. Maybe the rabbit had nailed the guy to the cross because he didn’t give something in return for the eggs. This whole idea was very confusing. What on earth did a rabbit with a basket full of eggs have to do with the...Connor flicked through the leaflet again...with the crucifixion. Maybe, when this Christ person was resurrected he turned into the rabbit with the eggs. Hmm.
"I think you look sweet", said Fred, smiling sleepily at Gunn
"I said I’d hide the Easter eggs in the garden for a hunt after breakfast, you didn’t tell me you wanted me to dress up as a rabbit".
Large red braces held up one half of Gunn’s rabbit costume. Huge furry feet stuck out under a large furry belly. Fred helped him put the second half of his costume on. She smiled at the enormous fluffy rabbit that stood before her. A big beaming face unlike the one beneath the head piece. A large pink nose, and waggling floppy ears. He looked so adorable. She handed him the large basket filled with chocolate eggs.
"I still don’t see why...", Gunn began
"Just in case Connor wakes up early"
"But why? He’ll be the only seventeen year old who believes in the Easter bunny"
Fred shook her head and pushed him out of the door. Then she got back into bed and went back to sleep.
It was the sound of hammering that woke everyone up. They met on the stairs,
"What’s going on?", said Cordelia, with a large yawn
"I don’t know. It sounds like it’s coming from the garden", said Wesley
"The garden?!", Fred was surprised, "I sent Gunn out there to hide the eggs for later on but I can’t think what he’d be doing with a hammer".
The pushed open the doors leading out to the garden, and were greeted by a horrific, monstrous sight of Connor putting in the last nail. A six foot fuzzy rabbit was nailed to a make shift cross. Connor beamed at them.
"What have you done?!", Fred gasped as she hurried over to her crucified boyfriend and tried to yank off the headpiece.
"Well, you told me about the Easter Bunny, and I didn’t really understand, and then yesterday I heard on the street about some guy getting nailed to a cross and that didn’t really make sense either so I decided that the best thing to be done was to roll the two stories into one", Connor spotted something hidden in one of the bushes. He picked it up, "And look chocolate eggs for breakfast".
Halloween.
The hotel looked strangely beautiful though at the same time spooky and eerie. Cordelia had really done the place up. Pumpkins lined the path up to the main doors; each one having been carved by Angel, Wesley, and Gunn into freaky and scary faces. Fairy lights hung from the windows, false cobwebs were draped over the doorways and walls. Wesley had used a little magic and green mist covered the floors, while the ceiling had been transformed to look like a starry night sky. They had even managed to make it look like wispy figures were wandering round the lobby and loitering on the stairs. Finally when the last touch had been added she decided it was time for her to go upstairs and change into her Halloween costume.
"Now Connor, you stay here by the door", she handed him a large bowl filled with sweets, "and wait for the children. I’ll be back soon".
Angel had been so proud of his son. At last they had had a proper bonding session and Connor made a wonderful and very authentic vampire.
Cordelia came down the stairs in her slinky skin tight cat costume. Angel said he’d be down in a bit. He just needed to, er, use the bathroom. She stared in dismay at Connor who was still holding the bowl - untouched. She felt rather disappointed, she had put in a lot of effort.
"Didn’t *any* children come by?"
"No. There have been a couple of infantile demons but I dealt with them"
"What?!"
To her horror, Connor opened the closet door proudly to reveal several children in costume who had been tied up, chained, gagged, and hung from the ceiling. Quickly Cordelia untied them,
"That was fun", cried one
"Again, again", cried the other.
She couldn’t believe it. They were perfectly happy. They hadn’t been tied up for long and had thought it all a game. Cordelia looked at Connor furiously. She had worked hard all day to make this a perfect Halloween and all it had really taken was for Connor to have tied the children up in the closet. Not mention the fact that some idiot might have tried to sue them if the kids had run home telling their parents that they’d been ambushed at the Hyperion and been locked in a cupboard. However it soon became evident that no actual harm had taken place and Cordelia gave them copious amounts of sweets.
"We’ll be back next year", they chorused cheerfully
"Especially if the vampire’s still about", one of them chimed.
Connor was smiling broadly while Cordelia frowned.
"I think I like Halloween", said Connor happily, as more children headed up their pumpkin boarded path.
Christmas
Gunn and Fred were hanging mistletoe and holly round the lobby, Wesley was hanging colourful paper chains, Cordelia was baking Christmas cookies and Angel was telling Connor all about Father Christmas,
"You see he’s this great big fat guy with a long white beard in a red velvet suit trimmed with white fur who comes down chimneys in the middle of the night into the bedrooms of good little children and fills their stockings with presents"
"He comes down chimneys?"
"Yes"
"In the middle of the night?"
"Yes"
"When everyone’s asleep?"
"Yes"
"Hmm", Connor looked thoughtful, "Why not come when everyone’s awake?"
"Because that’s the way he works. He must never be seen"
"What does he do to children who have been bad? Does he not give them presents? or does he hack them into little pieces for being naughty?"
"What?! No".
Cordelia came in just then with her Christmas cookies. Strange odd shapes covered in various shades of icing,
"Is this supposed to be a Christmas tree?", asked Fred doubtfully, eyeing her cookie with caution.
"Yes".
She handed one to Connor. Connor had never tasted Cordelia’s cooking and happily took a large bite. He felt a nasty crack and put his hand up to his cheek,
"Are you OK?", asked Cordelia anxiously
"Yes. I’m fine", Connor didn’t want to tell Cordelia that he thought he might have just broken his tooth on her rock hard cookie.
"Why don’t you take another one up with you. Remember to hang your stocking up and if you’re lucky Santa might pay you a visit"
Connor declined the offer of a second cookie but headed up to bed to nurse his broken tooth.
"I wish you wouldn’t talk to him like he’s three", said Gunn, "He’s going to have a hard time at school if people find out he thinks Santa still exists. Have you seen Fred?"
"Yes, she’s gone upstairs to get Angel’s suit"
"My suit?!", said Angel surprised, "what suit?"
"Your Santa suit"
"Oh, no, no, no. Has everyone forgotten what Connor did to Gunn when he dressed up as the Easter bunny"
"Oh come on, Angel. It’ll be fun".
As the clock struck midnight, Cordelia finished gluing the long white beard to Angel’s face. Fred looked at Angel with a dreamy expression,
"You almost look like the real thing"
The others turned to Fred with surprise,
"I remember", she continued with the same dreamy expression, "when I was little. I’d wait all year round for Christmas, each year promising myself that this year would be the year that I managed to stay up all night to catch a glimpse of Santa but each night I always fell asleep and missed him. Of course he always came because there was my stocking bulging with presents"
"Fred", said Gunn slowly, "you do realise that Santa doesn’t exist and it was just your parents who filled up your stocking".
Fred’s large brown eyes filled with tears,
"Everyone keeps saying that but I know it’s not true", and she ran out of the room.
The others looked at one another oddly.
Slowly Angel crept up the stairs in his thick red velvet costume and black leather boots. The glue holding his beard on was making his chin itch but he didn’t complain. This was going to be Connor’s first Christmas with them and it was going to be the best Christmas ever. Quietly he pushed Connor’s door open, and entered the darkened room.
" *ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHH!!!!*".
The scream tore down the stairs and ripped it’s way through the lobby. The others looked at one another startled. They jumped up and ran upstairs to Connor’s room.
They opened the door and stared in horror at the sight before them. This was worse than the crucified Easter bunny. Connor, for a second time, had got the wrong idea about these seemingly innocent season figures. They had stopped themselves before they tripped over the trip wire. The trip wire had then set off a string of booby traps. Angel had tripped, put his foot in a man trap, had been impaled in the side by a long spear, a long piece of sharp metal was embedded in his hand, and a bucket had fallen from the ceiling and hit him on the head. Connor had a rigged a strange sort of pulley device and Angel was now caught midway between floor and ceiling. Connor was standing on the other side of the room, grinning,
"Look, guys, look. I caught Santa".
A Season’s Greetings
Mrs. Chase brought the mail into the kitchen and flicked through the letters; bill, bill, advertisement, letter for her husband, ah, one from her daughter. She ripped open the large red envelope. A greeting’s card. Sweet. Oh dear. A photo was glued to the front of the card. A man slumped over a table, drunk and drooling. What an odd thing for Cordelia to have sent her. She opened it,
Dear mom,
This isn’t how my boyfriend usually looks but I said I’d send you a photo of him.
A Season’s Greetings
and
A Happy New Year
Love,
Your affectionate
daughter,
Cordelia
Giles flicked through his morning post. Strange, a letter from Wesley. He hadn’t heard from Wesley for a while. He ripped open the large red envelope and pulled out a card. He suddenly choked on his cup of tea and spluttered with laughter. A photo glued to the card of Wesley, Angel, and some other guy dressed as Morris dancers. Wesley looked strangely cheerful, the others didn’t. He’d have to send a copy to Buffy. Angel dressed as a Morris dancer was just too classic.
"Letter from Fred, here", said Mr. Burkle to Mrs. Burkle
"Oh really, pass it over".
Mr, Burkle passed the large red envelope over to his wife, and she tore it open.
"How lovely, it’s a greetings card", her face dropped, "Oh my"
"What is it?"
Mrs. Burkle passed the card over to her husband who looked at the strange photo of a large fluffy rabbit nailed to a cross,
"What will she send us next?", wondered Mr. Burkle.
Lorne recognised Angel’s handwriting and opened the large red envelope. He smiled fondly. What a nice picture of Connor but, what?! Were those children hanging upside down in a closet?
Lilah walked into her office. The large red envelope lay on her desk, her name printed in large bold letters. She took her paper knife and opened it. A piece of card with a photo stuck to it. She smiled. It had been a bad day and a photo of Angel in a great deal of pain was just what she needed. Then she spotted the single line beneath it: WISH YOU WERE HERE!
End.