Title: Out of Whack
Author: anne
Posted: 04-19-2003
Email:
Rating: NC17
Category: Time Travel
Content:
Summary: Sequel to ‘A Little Ways Back’ which was a sequel to 'Into the Past' and 'Now Onto to the Present’.
Spoilers:
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: NF for sure, and anyone else that has my stuff
Notes:
Feedback: Always welcomed- and needed for this storyPart 32
“Why do we have to go through the sewer? It’s gross. We could’ve just driven. I have my car.”
“We have to backtrack and make the scents as confusing as possible to give us more time. Unless the two show up together, which scenario is highly unlikely, they will think that the other has taken you. So, hopefully, they will chase each other down, if we’re lucky they kill each other.”
Cordelia grabbed at the vampire’s arm. “Angelus 1 can’t be killed. He has to go back.”
“Out of all the possible time changes I’ve heard, that is the only I could accept. No Angelus, then no killing, no terror, no danger to you…”
“No saving Buffy many times, no saving me from Russell Winters, no helpless saved, no Wesley to grow beyond a klutzy rogue demon, no helping Gunn, no saving Fred, Angel, there can be no killing of Angelus 1. He has to go back so he can become you.”
Angel stopped. “I take it you've made this argument before- the Star Trek rule?”
“No, it's a Wonderful Life- Angel, you understood the importance of having Angelus live so you could be there for those you care about. OH wait, that doesn’t count for you does it. How about this then- you kill Angelus 1, you won’t be able to go back and waste your time trying to destroy a law firm that won’t be destroyed or a whiney evil blonde that you won’t save or be able to kill.”
“You don’t…”Angel turned to walk away, only to swung around by Cordelia’s yank.
“I do understand. Don’t forget, I’ve done this before, I’ve lived through your colorless beige period and pointless obsession, I’ve lived through your need to kill Angelus for what he is, what he did, what he represents. We’ve done this. So, don’t tell me I don’t understand. And if you have to fight Angelus 1 for some reason, you WILL NOT kill him. I’ll kill you before I let that happen. You ‘little a’ are as expendable as the B version. Angelus 1 and Angel are the only one’s that aren’t to me.” She pushed off in front of him moving quickly, leaving Angel to stare.
She stopped and kicked at the ground. “Which way?”
Angel shook his head and went to her side. “That way.”
The couple traveled silently. Angel watched his feet move step by step, glancing at the determined beautiful woman. He would relish the opportunity to kill Angelus 1, but Cordelia was right. Russell Winters had been a danger unrelated to her connection to him, yet he had saved her. He couldn’t take the chance that if he didn’t someone else would. Angel sighed. He imagined that was the same realization that his future self came to. “Can I at least kill Angelus 2 if the opportunity arises.”
“Not if it’s before Angelus 1 goes back. Afterwards sure, I think- Wesley's the time guru, but afterwards, who cares, we just need to get home. Well, you to yours and me and Angel to ours.”
He wanted to touch her again, reaffirm that she would soon be waiting for him with such passion and surety. How long had it been? Three-four hours? He had been down in the basement beating any feelings down with his fist, cutting each need off with each thrust. Then there was Cordy. Not the one he could pretend to ignore because she was doing the same- her walls up causing as much of a barrier as his own. But, the one from his future he couldn’t ignore because she loved him. She was open and sure about it. It gave him the hope that he had so efficiently squashed. Cordy could be the death of him. But Fred’s chart had shown different presents, different futures, and the only one he really could accept is the one promised by the silent woman walking beside him.
He knew then Angel B’s temptation. The need and desire to be the vampire that went with the young woman to the future that had the promise of her love. How hard it would be to stand aside while a version of him took Cordelia, leaving him alone. Angel A that was the vampire that Cordelia loved, let claim her, it would be easy to hate that vampire. You to yours, and me and Angel to ours. “You and Angel A, not Angel.”
Cordelia turned puzzled. “Uh.”
“Fred made a chart. I’m the Angel of the base time, the correct one. Any other version is just a result of a time change. Angel A, Angel B, all because things changed in my past, MY past. Not theirs. I AM Angel.”
“Angel A is …”Cordelia paused, her brow wrinkling. She had been about to say you. But, was he? There had been a change. She stared again at the vampire. “You’re Angel,” stepping back, remembering Angel's words and reactions when he first arrived. He hadn't disputed her saying that he was only interested in Darla. He had been shocked, even appalled that she and Angel became lovers in the future. "Oh god," she stepped back from the vampire.
Angel tensed as a myriad of emotions flickered causing the hues in her hazel eyes to brighten and dim. Questions, realizations, doubts, fear all flashed under his gaze. Emotions that were driving Cordelia away from him, shaking her head, mouthing silently no over and over again. She backed into the wall, sliding to the ground deflating before his eyes.
Angel didn’t understand. He hadn’t wanted that. He wasn’t even sure what point he had been trying to make except to assert his originality, to be the vampire that Cordelia called Angel. Besides she said he was expendable.
“Cordy?” Angel quickly went to the young woman, kneeling at her side trying to understand her reaction.
She shook her head.
"Cordelia, talk to me." Angel demanded.
Cordelia raised her eyes at his tone. Angel wasn't sure that he liked the calmness that had descended over her or the blank look in her eyes. "What do these mean?" she pointed to her neck.
Angel kneeled back on his heels. Cordy said she had understood that she and Angel A had talked about it. He sure and hell didn't want to talk about it with her. He glanced back up into her eyes. Her stare had become demanding.
He took a deep breath. “The marks are instinctual to a vampire, when done on a human the LEAST that it means is that the vampire wants that human, not dead or for food, but wants with enough desire or need to override the instinct to kill. The mark is a warning to other vampires not to touch. There are times when it means more than that- the human claimed is needed, wanted so much that the vampire will give up the warmth of the human body and it’s fear to have that human as a vampire with them as a mate, making it more than the standard sire/childe relationship.
Cordelia maintained Angel's gaze. "A soulless vampire's instinct or an ensouled vampire's instinct?"
Angel considered the young woman, looking at the marks on her neck. "A vampire's instinct."
Angel watched as his words traveled around Cordelia's mind. He frowned when she seemed to come to an unvoiced conclusion. "Don't we have somewhere to be." she said calmly, standing.
Angel was as confused at the absence of emotion in her sudden change of topic as he been at her prior reaction to his claim that he was 'Angel'.
"Cordy?"
"Weren't you the one in the hurry?"
"We're not going anywhere until you talk to me."
"Now, you want to share? Please, you're 'Angel' you don't share, don't know how, can't and you know what I don't want to share with you. You're beigey."
Angel jumped up pulling her back. "Why, because I'm not YOUR Angel."
Cordelia just stared. "I don't have ANY Angel."
"You love..."
"You...Angel A," she scoffed. "So what, neither loves me. You explained it."
Angel stepped back stunned. "I explained what the marks mean, I wasn't talking about love."
"Exactly."
"Exactly, what? There is no exactly."
"Yes there is. You explained it."
"Stop saying that. I didn't."
"You said that it was a vampire's instinct. That these," she slapped her neck," are done when a vampire 'wants' not loves a human."
"Right."
"There you go."
"Cordy, how do you get from that to...” Angel was definitely missing pieces of her logic and there was a sinking feeling in his gut that he couldn't wave her inner decision making process away as harmless unique Cordy logic.
"That you or Angel A doesn’t love me. You- that's really easy. You 'Angel' never said it. Angel A only said that he loved me after Angelus marked me. Sure, he said he loved me before just didn't tell me because of some stupid reason or another. But, like you said, he isn't YOU because time was changed. He remembered marking me as Angelus and since marking is a VAMPIRE INSTINCT, and guess what soul or not he's a VAMPIRE his memory was affected by what Angelus did. Sure he loves me," she scoffed her belief at her statement, “He has a soul and just can't tell me the truth that he’s effected by some sort of lusty vampire thing and 'wants' me as a VAMPIRE'S FLOOSY. Probably make him all guilty and broody.”
Angel wanted to laugh except Cordelia seriously believed the nonsense coming out of her mouth. "Cordelia, you aren't a vampire's floozy, whatever that is."
"Of course I am, Angelus, not you though, labeled me one for every Tom, Dick, Harry, Angelus or Angel out there. But don’t worry it can be fixed."
"Fixed?"
"When I get home I'll just get Wesley to do the spell again, only this time sending he and Angel back before Angelus marks me. Then everything will fine. YOU will be you and you won't have to deal with vampire lusty feelings."
Okay now Angel really wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all. “And, what about you loving me?"
"What about it?"
"That will be fixed too?"
"Don't worry about it, I won't bother you. You'll never even know. I only told you after you told me. But now you won't. Pooh, the way the time stuff works I'll still be in denial believing that you still love Buffy, which will actually be true. Gee, sorry, I took your soul mate's spot."
“So, you want to turn back time and what forget about loving each other.”
Cordelia huffed and crossed her arms. “I’m not being a VAMPIRE’S FLOOSY even for you. No way. Oh wait, not YOU. You would never want me or mark me. You said so. If I am so damn unattractive why did Angelus mark me in the first place? Oh wait, that wasn’t you either.”
“When did I say that?”
“I said ‘you wish’ and you said very quickly I might add that you didn’t. Do you?”
“No.”
“See.”
“No,” Angel shook his head at the young girl’s twisting of his words and feelings.
“So, you do.” She glared tapping her foot.
“NO.”
“SEE.”
“DAMN’T Cordy, shut up.”
“I…”
“Cordelia, I mean it shut up.”
He waited as she huffed and resumed taping her foot. God, he was either going to kill her or kiss her. “Cordy, marking is an instinct of possession for a vampire. I’ve never had felt that for anyone, vampire or human. I didn’t as Angelus just because I didn’t and I sure and hell haven’t with a soul. I can’t or so I thought, because it’s an instinct right up there with killing humans for food. It doesn’t sit well having a soul.”
“Great, so now Angelus doesn’t even want me. Maybe, you should go out there,” she swung her hand widely in the air. “And tell the mistaken idiots that are trying to kill me that YOU, THE ANGEL, doesn’t want me. Hey, maybe they’ll see the error of their ways, focus on your true love, and leave me alone.”
Angel groaned, grinding his palms in his eyes. He was getting a migraine. “Angelus does want you, for Christ sakes, he did mark you.”
“Well,” she scoffed,” he was wrong wasn’t he.”
“Cordelia, there is no ‘he’ the Angelus that marked you was me.”
“It was not. You don’t remember it because you didn’t do it. You never wanted to as Angelus.”
“This argument is insane. I can’t believe that I have to convince that Angelus does want you. Do you want that? Do you want to have been claimed by Angelus?”
“Of course not.”
“Then why…”Angel looked at her. “ Do you want to be claimed by me?”
Cordelia just stared hugging her arms closer to her chest, refusing to answer.
Angel sighed at the non-answer he perceived. How did he ever think he could give her up?
He reached out and tugged at her arm. “Sit,” he pulled as he dropped to the ground.
“I don’t want to.”
“Tough, listen to me.” He kept a firm grip on her arm. “Your right I don’t remember marking you as Angelus. You weren’t in the East End when I was. I never saw a beautiful, desirable, courageous, spirited, frustrating, pain in the ass brunette when I was there. Don’t, I’m talking,” he clapped his hand over Cordelia’s opening mouth and stared down her indignant glare. “I can say that as Angelus I never wanted to mark anyone because I hadn’t SEEN you. But, I was that Angelus up until I did see you, that’s when everything changed. It wasn’t spell or mystical, it was just me seeing you.” Angel shook his head. He couldn’t believe he was sitting in a sewer underneath Sunnydale trying to get Cordelia to understand that as Angelus he would’ve wanted her. But he was beginning to understand all the scenario’s Fred had been charting.
“It was the vision that’s all. I had one and Angelus saw.” Cordelia said in a small voice at Angel’s pause.
Angel considered it and rejected the explanation. “No.”
“It was. That’s why you turned Dru.” Cordelia shook her head. “It’s not even original. That’s me always second in line with you.”
Angel really wished he had stayed in his basement and just waited for the interlopers from the future to have left. But, Angel was going to have to bite the bullet because if he didn’t fix this and left his future self with a doubting Cordelia, his future self was going to hunt him down and kill him. Hell, he would.
“Cordelia, Drusilla was nothing like you as a human, visions and hair color only. She was timid, sweet, innocent, child-like even in her trust.”
“I can be sweet and what do you mean I not innocent.”
“Cordy, you don’t give your trust freely and sweet, well, you can be, are to the people you care about and love. But you are very selective. Dru wasn’t. And you sure and hell aren’t timid. I turned Dru because I thought it would be fun to make such a sweet innocent creature evil. I drove her crazy as an added bit of fun. The demon is what makes Drusilla so dangerous and strong. You, though, have that strength already. Angelus would have recognized it. The vision may have been what brought my immediate attention to you and your beauty would’ve kept it there. But, it was the spirit and courage and bravado that I’m sure you showed that would’ve made me want to mark you and…. Christ, I was going to turn you. Of course. I was going to kill Darla.”
“Uh.” Cordelia said not more than a whisper.
“Arrogant ass,” Angel mumbled.
“Who?”
Angel looked over. “Angelus. Stupid idiot. I should've screwed the games and the claiming until after you were turned.”
“Angel, why are you saying ‘I’ it wasn’t you.”
“Cordy, I may not have seen you in 1898 but I do know what my reaction would’ve been, MY reaction not A, B, C, or Z’s. At that time, I was more than bored. I’d already played with the high society and the low society. But I didn’t want to leave. I had to listen to Darla bitch, Dru whine, and Spike’s asinine comments. But, I wasn’t ready, finally one day I woke up an and realized it wasn’t going to happen in London.”
“What wasn’t going to happen?”
“I don’t know, anything, something that would relieve the repetitiveness of it all, something to change everything.”
“So, I would've been boredom relief with visions.”
“God, Yeah. I imagine you were a gorgeous intriguing relief from the mundane. Cordelia you weren't just a beautiful brunette from 1898, you were you, gorgeous, strong and brave. Angelus saw all that, arrogant ass.” He repeated.
“What?”
“Too arrogant. Never would’ve considered that you would get away. Fool. Should have just done it and then killed Darla. Actually, the other way around just to be on the safe side.”
“Uh.”
“I would’ve had to. Dru and Spike would’ve been easy they would’ve respected the mark but Darla wouldn’t have. I would’ve had to kill her. No wonder I was pissed.”
“Excuse me.”
“The dreams. The beautiful brunette that got away- you were so much more than that. That’s why every bad scenario of the future ends up with you as a vampire. “
Angel,” she tugged on his jacket. “I’m getting a little uncomfortable here with you getting all excited about me being a vampire.”
Angel turned. “Sorry, I just now understand why every thing went to shit and handbag.”
“I don’t.”
“Everyone said I loved you. Fine, I loved you, I understood that, but that didn’t explain why Angelus would want to turn you. Angelus never wanted to turn Buffy or mark her. But, now I understand.”
“I still don’t and I don’t like it, still feeling really uncomfortable here. And what do you mean, ‘Fine, I loved you, I understood that’”
“That means,” Angel lifted her chin. “I’ve never marked you.”
“You’ve already said that.”
“Yes, but I want you to understand and listen. I’ve never marked you. I’ve never been influence by vague memories and desires that lasted over a century. I’ve only been influenced by friendship, care, and love, couched in a very desirable body. Cordy, I’m an ass, probably from the looks of things, will always be. But, I am the vampire that you offered a fichus in lieu of a puppy too, I am the one that swore to protect, I am the one that knew without any doubt- ANY- that I needed you when you were cursed by Vocah, I am the one that you made smile, laugh and dance. I’m the one that couldn’t stop dreaming or drawing you in love just as I am the one that cut you out without a warning or thought. I can’t tell you, the one that’s still trying so hard, that is still loving me, that hates me, that I love her, that I want her, that her smile makes me trip and my heart skip against nature and possibility. I can’t tell her that I had to cut her out of my life because she was my weakness. Though, I’m beginning to see that’s not really true, you are my strength, you always have been. I didn’t need Angelus to mark you too know that I loved you. I just needed him to tell you.”
“But the marks. You wouldn’t have done it. You said so.”
“It’s true that I couldn’t have imagined ever doing that to you. Not because I didn’t love you or want you, but because that’s was too much of the demon. I wouldn’t have…Cordy, you make me feel that I can be alive that I can be human, marking is a step backwards and the idea of explaining to you what marking means that you are a possession my possession- would’ve scared the shit out of me. I still can’t believe that you didn’t stake me.”
Cordelia pursed up her face. “Please, I humored you. Anyway, it worked both ways, you promised no more blondes or cheesy furies…. oh yeah,” she nodded at his widen eyes. “I know about them…. OOOOHHHH ANNNNGGGEEELLL, disgusting.”
Angel gulped. “And you still didn’t stake me.”
Cordelia shrugged, then scrunched up her forehead. “Was I wrong to make you mark me? You were just so mad, even after we made love. You may say that the marks don’t matter but you were all ‘grry’.”
Angel grimaced. He wished Cordelia would stop just blurting out that they had made love. It was causing havoc to his brain and urges that just couldn’t be squelched. He stared in her frank-questioning gaze. God, she really did have the most bewitching eyes.
“No.” he said honestly. “I wish it wasn’t true, but the scent of Angelus embedded in your skin for always, even though it was mine, would’ve triggered my aggression. The soul wouldn’t have stopped it, just make me hate myself. Cordy, why?”
Cordelia raised her eyes. “Why what?”
“Why did you do it? Why did you let me?”
Cordelia cocked her head. “I love you.”
Angel closed his eyes at the simple three-word answer that said it all. “Why?” He whispered.
Cordelia shrugged. “I like dorks.” She smiled. “Angel, kiss me.”
Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes won. Angel was proud that he lasted the second to debate. He cupped her neck bringing her lips to his, kissing and tasting, wondering if it could possibly get better. He wished that time would stop and he could revel in the silk and warmth that opened for him. This was his. His body ached to carry it further. His fingers teased at the delicate skin of the collarbone. Just a little down, he would reach more wonders. The just a little bit more and he would learn the secrets.
Cordelia kissed with no thought other than that Angel loved her. He had said so. The Angel that she had loved long before the other one had ever told her said so. She reached up scratching up at the soft hairs at his neck, leaning in further, tugging bringing Angel closer.
Angel groaned as Cordelia scooted molding her softness into his chest. Her hands rubbing and digging into the leather on his back, trailing to the sides, searching automatically for skin, waves of her desire flavored the air, drawing him in deeper, making the need burn inside. He had to touch her flesh. Angel had to know the feel of the hidden skin. Fingers plucked at the cotton of her shirt, skimming at the delicate texture underneath. His lips traveled from mouth to cheek, kissing and tasting. The sensory overload that bombard Angel as his lips touched the marks brought him up in a shot, anger, regret, and finally relief flooded through his being.
“Angel?” Cordelia chewed on her bottom lip.
Angel gaze went straight to the full lip. Just once more then he would stop. Angel jerked up. “Cordy, no.”
“You’re mad”
“Yes. No. But, that’s not why. Cordy, my soul isn’t bound. I can’t, won’t go any further. I can’t.”
Cordelia gulped, and then buried her head in her hands.
Screw his soul if she was crying again. Angel leaned in to gather her in his arms. He pulled back. She was laughing.
“Cordy?”
“Will we ever get through this time without us turning into Angelus and Cordelius.”
Angel stared then chuckled. “I think we just made it.”
Cordelia looked up at the vampire. “So, you’re saying it’s okay to love Angel A.”
“I’m saying you better love Angel A. That’s me. According to Fred’s chart I only stay Angel for a year at most until I get caught up in all the time crap and become Angel A. Please, give me something to look forward too.”
“Why are you being so nice? You’re supposed to be all beigey and hateful.”
“Because I’m here, my you and her anger are at home safe. You don’t look at me with contempt in your eyes I see a future full of hope that’s more powerful than revenge. I want that.”
Cordelia leaned in touching her lips against his. He moaned taking her back into his arms, hands going immediately back to the flesh he had previously discovered. It was too fucking amazing. He pushed her back. “Angelus and Cordelius.”
Cordelia blinked. “It was just a kiss.”
Angel cocked his brow. “Cordy, in this future of ours, does it ever stop with just a kiss.”
Cordelia furrowed her brow and then looked up. “There was the time I had a vision,” she nodded. “And then the time that Wesley came in his office, though we had gotten…nevermind, that’s was bit more than a kiss. People always keep walking in on us. ” She pouted and kept considering Angel’s question. “ There was that brief problem with Dennis.”
“Dennis was a problem?”
Cordelia shrugged. “He didn’t want me to move out, but he was okay once he moved in to the hotel, mostly.”
“Dennis is in the hotel?”
“Of course, Geez, like I would leave him.”
“Right.” He glanced back at the young woman. “I love you,” he graced a chaste kiss on her lips.
Cordelia’s tongue raced to capture the feeling left on her mouth. “You promise.”
Angel nodded.
“So, I can love Angel A, free and clear. Angel?”
“Sorry, Cordy, that’s not a easy question, my mind says yes without any hesitation, my body, my instincts don’t quite get the concept that patience will get me what I really want -a year is a long time.”
“Angel, you are 250 years old. A year is nothing.”
“249.”
“Whatever.” She smiled.
“Hey.” Angel stood pulling her to her feet. “I will get you in the future.” The lightness of his tone didn’t hide the demand for confirmation.
“God, you are so needy.”
Angel nodded, his brown eyes begging for understanding.
“Aww, that’s not fair, you hadn’t perfected that look until you’ve groveled back.”
“It works?” Angel smirked.
“Ass.” She cupped his face and kissed him lightly on the lips. “But, yeah, I love you.”
Angel smiled.
Cordelia brushed his lips with her fingers. “Wow, beige guy, you can smile. You really are beautiful when you do that.”
Angel’s lips quirked upwards some more. “Do I do it a lot a year from now.”
“A lot may be an exaggeration but you do it more, even laugh sometimes.”
“And that is because of you,” He reached up to push a strain of hair behind her ear.
“No, it’s because you’ve learned that you can be happy.”
“Because of you.”
“No.”
“Yes.” Angel swung her around as she started to walk off. “In that body you made me laugh and smile and you’re still doing it.”
“My body makes you laugh.”
Angel rolled his eyes. “No, your body makes me drool. Cordy, you don’t remember, in Sunnydale at the Bronze when you were trying to pick me up.”
“I never did that.” She looked at the ceiling.
“Salty goodness.” He taunted.
“If you remember that then it must be another time thing a mig.”
“Cordy.” Angel exclaimed as he pulled her along the dark tunnel of the sewer. “You won’t take away my memory of the one and only time I laughed in the Bronze. That’s mean.”
“I will NOT EVER admit that you laughed at me as I tried to pick you up.”
“What? No. I squirmed and looked for Buffy when you tried to pick me up. No, it was when she was late and you sat down and stopped trying to pick me up that you made me laugh.”
“I hadn’t stopped, dumb ass.”
“Oh.’ Angel shrugged. “But, it was funny, you were.”
“Angel, that just sounds offensive on its face.”
“No. I mean I laughed.”
“I get that you laughed at me, you moron.”
“No, no, you made me laugh.”
“Angel, you’re pissing me off and not in a good way that ends up in great make-up sex.”
Angel stopped. “That was low and you know it. You know damn well, I can’t have sex with you.”
“Who’s laughing now?” She arched an elegant brow
“All I was trying to say was….Shit,” he grabbed at Cordy pulling her towards him as a dark figure came out from the dimness of the shadows.
“You were trying to say shit…that doesn’t…Oh,” Cordelia stopped, staring at the vampire in front of them. “Oh.” She looked. “Oh.” She turned to the vampire that held her. “You swear.”
“He has a soul.”
“I know that- he’s wearing my favorite shirt. You bought it to impress me with your shopping skills.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope.” She beamed up at the vampire.
Oh god. Gunn was right. He was whipped in the future. Angel groaned and then reluctantly pushed her away. “Go.” His groan and growl rolled into one long sigh.
Cordelia ran straight into the other vampire’s arm. She hugged the tense growling body, whispering that she loved him, until the body slowly relaxed.
Cordelia leaned in letting the vampire sniff the marks. She jerked at the growl. “You can’t.”
She stood fast against the growl. “Angel, we screwed up. This isn’t the first time you came back for me. Him,” she pointed to the other Angel. “Is the third attempt to get it right. You can’t mark this body or when we leave Angelus of 1998 will see them. These,” she said quickly,” came with my soul, we can assume they will leave with it, but any actual mark making in this now will stay with this body and…”
Angel growled at the rejection and the truth he heard. He nodded. “Who is he?”
“Duh”
“Cordy.” He narrowed his brow.
“Fine. Beige guy. Gunn, Fred and me, went to get him and sent him here.”
Angel turned to the other vampire, his glare unrelenting. “Why?” Bring Cordelia into his side possessively. He growled, his glare turning to Cordelia, as he scented arousal. His eyes glowed as he saw the swollen lips.
“Angel, don’t go grry on him. He’s here to help. I told you we screwed up, three times. And the last ended up with you and Wesley dead. That’s why he is here.” Cordy interjected. “He’s a good guy and being really nice for his beige self. We need to worry about the Angelus’ now, not him.”
“I can see how ‘nice’ he’s been.” Angel growled.
Angel ‘little a’ stood still, refusing the instinct to respond to the other vampire’s anger or his hold on Cordelia. Any movement would be taken as a threat and he couldn’t wouldn’t kill his future…unless Angel A was a threat to Cordy. But, since that was him growling and holding on to the young woman so possessively he doubted that possibility. The only one that was at risk in the tunnel was him.
“Uh.” Cordy blinked. “Oh,” she bit her lips at her realization of Angel’s jealously. Stupid vampire. “Angel, it’s okay, we were just talking. He told me you do really love me.” She explained.
“He told you that I really loved you by kissing you. Interesting way of doing it and why does he need to tell you anything about how I feel.” Angel narrowed his eyes boring into the young woman
Damn those vamp super senses of his. This could get complicated. Cordy couldn’t say kissing Angel ‘little a’ meant nothing because it had meant everything.
“Angel, he’s you. Just before these.” She went to her neck. “And loves me so these have nothing to do with why you love me. So, it’s real you really love me.”
“You doubted that.”
“I…Angel, with all the time stuff. Him being here. I got scared that maybe you wouldn’t have loved me except for the time stuff…”
“Cordy, I told…”
“I know but your memories were effected by Angelus in 1898. His aren’t and he still loves me."
"And he convinced you by kissing you."
Cordelia bit her lip. "It helped. I mean you didn't kiss me before when you loved me but hadn't told me yet so why would you kiss me if you didn't love me. But, he kissed me so you love me." "
"Is there any logic to what you are saying?"
"Perfect logic. You didn't..."
"Don't repeat it, my head already hurts."
"You are such a hypochondriac you don't get migraines. Geez, how many times do I have to tell you that."
"I do to, loving you is a constant headache, constant.” Angel argued.
"It is not, is it?" she swirled to Angel 'little a'.
"Stomach ache too."
Angel A nodded. "See. Even then."
"You are such a baby."
Angel A's glare got soft. "Cordy, you doubted me?"
“No,” she caressed his jaw. “I just got scared.”
“Cordy,” he leaned into press his forehead against her. “I love you.”
“I know. We can talk about this at home. We need to worry about the Angeluses’”
“Taken care of.” The vampire stood up. They would have to talk about this, but not now.
“Angel?”
“Yes, Cordelia, it seemed that I had some time on my hands after I went to your house. A little surprised at the no barrier and the pile of dust pile on the floor, I’d of thought you had a maid for that sort of thing. More surprised to see a note and mug of cold blood….”
”I put cinnamon in it.” She defended against his scolding tone.
“That only helped marginally. Especially when I saw two Angelus hanging on your balcony. Well, easy. They thudded quite nicely to the ground.”
“Angel, what did you do with them?”
“Lets see, I threw the one in all black, the one you have called limited in a portal, with some bruises. The other, I shaved bald and shoved in the entryway of the mansion.”
Angel ignored Cordelia’s gasp and turned towards his past self's chuckles.
“Spike is going to have a fucking field day. That peroxide vampire could very end up dead by night fall.”
Cordelia choked. “Angel, Angelus can’t kill Spike. Spike helps Buffy stop Angelus and the Judge, not to mention the fact that now he has a soul.”
“Excuse me?” The other vampire interrupted. “How in the hell did he get one?”
“Trials or something, wanted to prove his love for Buffy.”
“EXCUSE ME.”
Cordelia swirled and glared. “And that bothers you why EXACTLY?”
“Christ, Cordy, apples, and oranges. Since when did Vampires with a soul become the norm and what- Buffy goes for the one nearest. Geez. Give me a break. I’ve had to deal with you and now this.”
“DEAL WITH ME.”
Angel ‘little a’ took a deep breath. “You know what, I can’t wait to get back to my Cordy she doesn’t talk as much.”
“That’s because she isn’t’ talking to you, she hates your guts, little a.”
“You think you can get me there, but you can’t. You told me that you love me.”
“You’ve got a long row to haul, buddy, to get to that.”
“I’ve been to hell, Cordy, I can do it, and it will be worth it.”
Cordelia anger suddenly changed. Cordelia went to him. “You aren’t going to remember anything.”
“Cordy, what I need to know I know, ask him if you still doubt,” he waved a hand to the other vampire. “I just need to remember it and wait until my soul is bound or whatever ‘epiphany’ I’m supposed to get. You, will remember though, and believe it when he tells you what I said is true, variation or not. Cordelia Chase, I love you and you have to believe it, I’m the only one not affected by this time stuff, I’m the only one…”
“Stop. I believe you and you’re about to get yourself killed. He’s growling again.”
“I’m expendable, right? But, I would really like to get back to my fruitless path and then get to begging my Cordy to talk to me again- a year you say, well, I’m 249 years old that will go like that,” he clicked his fingers.
“Angel,” Cordelia stepped closer her hand out.
Angel ‘little a’ caught it, keeping it from touching his face. “Cordy, you talked to me because you could -your anger was dealt with…you can’t fix hers, I'll have to do that with time.”
The anger and the need to kill that had sprung up when Angel A first got to Cordy's empty house had only grown stronger as he saw the other version of himself with Cordelia. Now, however, it was slowly diminishing as rationality took over. Killing his past self for loving Cordelia was somewhat ridiculous but he couldn’t quite get rid of the urge. His counterpart was a vampire and his instincts could give a damn that it was his past self, the feeling to kill, to protect what was his was still rolling around in his gut.
Angel ‘little a’ stood straighter, letting go of Cordy's hand, struggling with the need to claim her for himself, screw his future. She was his. He took breath as he saw the recognition of his thoughts in the eyes of his future self and the tension in the vampire’s body. "Cordy needs to go home, do the spell.”
“I say throw you back first.”
“I say no to that. I’m not leaving until I see Cordy’s soul safe and this body unclaimed. I’ve a future to protect.”
“Angel,” Cordelia went back to Angel A. “You can’t fight him for being as over protective as you are. You're him, he's you."
“I don’t see why not. If nothing else for the bastard he is, beigey remember.”
“But, he’s being nice now.”
“I don’t care.”
“Angel.”
“No, you are mine.” He growled.
“He knows that.” She nodded over her shoulder at the other vampire.
Angel ‘little a’ choked on his growl. She was his. Angel ‘little a’ shook his head. But she wasn't. The Cordelia standing before him wasn't his Cordy. “I know that I haven’t earned the right to say that yet.” He stared at the other vampire.
“You never will.”
Angel ‘little a’ nodded his understanding.
“Angel, he…”
“Cordy,” Angel ‘little a’ responded for the other vampire, “He’s right, because he hasn’t. I just some how get very lucky.”
Cordelia stared at the past Angel, the one she fell in love with and then to her Angel. “You don’t believe that do you.”
“Very much so.”
“Angel.”
“Shh, Cordy. I’ve accepted it. You love me and I just will have to put up with it.”
“WHAT?”
“That’s better.” Angel smacked a kiss on her forehead. “When we get home, we have some talking to do. “
Cordelia licked her lips. “Okay, but can we make love first.”
Angel gave a drawn out sigh. “If you insist.”
“Jerk. Hmmph.”
Angel ‘little a’ really wished he could use the stake in his pocket.
***
Cordelia sat on her bed surrounded by her teenage things. “Is this going to hurt or anything?” she bit her lip at the orb.
“Wesley swore it wouldn’t. Now lie down.” Angel A went to sit on the bed beside her. “When you wake up, you will be home, and your ‘delightful’ teenage self will be fine.”
“Hmmph, my delightful teenage self made you laugh, buster, don’t you forget that.”
“I never have.” He leaned in and kissed her.
“Okay,” Cordelia looked up at the two vampires standing side by side. “I love you.”
Both vampires nodded each taking the words to heart, cherishing them and conversely not begrudging the knowledge that the words were directed to both of them.
The vampires’ expression of love changed to resignation as the last words from Cordelia wasn’t a repetition of her love but a question about her parent’s door.
Part 33
“The marks are gone.” Angel A held the glowing orb. “I need to leave, so do you.” He stared at the other vampire.
‘Little a’ nodded, but asked. “A couple of questions first.”
“What?”
“I’m being uncharacteristically introspective. I’ve been through a lot.”
”You?”
“Yes, me, come on think about it, think about you as me. When Cordy, Gunn, Fred-, and I won’t even ask about the hows and whys of her- dropped in I had efficiently driven Cordy away, along with Wesley and Gun. Got Cordy to say that she didn’t need me, my family didn’t need me or want me.”
Angel A sat on the edge of the bed. “Hospital, uh. Wesley will be fine.”
“But not because of anything I did.”
“No.” Angel sighed. He had stopped the police zombies but he had to acknowledge that it hadn’t been to save his friends. He hadn’t even known they were in danger.
Angel ‘little a’ nodded. “So, can’t you understand finding out that Cordelia Chase some how loved you, did love you, that you marked her, would be just a little question worthy. From what I gather, I have an epiphany, slept with Darla.” Angel shook his head, glancing up at the other vampire hoping beyond hope that he would dispute that particular future fact that he heard.
“The other way around.” Angel A said. “Believe me. You won’t be thinking of anything when you make that decision. Hell, it wasn’t even a decision, it was just easy, and you were just told that every thing you did didn’t matter. Cordelia, Wesley, and Gunn were across town hating you, but still fighting your mission. You, I gave up.”
“So, Cordy was right it was just sex because of a ‘down’ time.”
“She says that because it is easier for her and me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“My soul wasn’t bound. I knew vaguely the curses parameters, just as you do. But, I didn’t care. I was actually surprised when I didn’t lose it.”
“You wanted too.” Angel ‘little a’ flopped down in the desk chair, he knew that he had cut himself off from his family; he knew he ignored the mission but to want to be Angelus again. “You could’ve…. even without the marks. Cordelia would’ve been the first Angelus went to.”
“You won’t care.”
“I will always care about that.”
“No, that time you won’t. That is why it easier for her, for me to shrug it off. The look in her eyes when she discovered that I lied…”
“How did she find out?”
“Darla made a return appearance and thought it would be funny. She waited until they were on the way to trusting me again. Cordelia had forgiven me for everything, except that, because when she asked me, or rather assumed that I wouldn’t be so stupid, I agreed. Things were going so well, she had said we were friends again. But then Darla.”
“And you still didn’t kill her?”
“I didn’t know until after. She didn’t try to kill Cordy or do anything in LA except destroy the lies that I had told. She left before I even knew she had been there.”
“Cordy?”
“Hated me again for putting our family at risk and then lying about it.”
“How?” Angel just stared at vampire that composed the fuck ups of his future.
“How, she loves me, you. I don’t know. But, she does. She won’t leave me. I thought about making her, but if the so called beige period didn’t make her go, I wasn’t sure how to do it and I didn’t want to.”
“You could’ve killed her.” Angel ‘little a’ growled.
“Going to take my place like the B version?”
“I would, believe me I would, but what’s the point. My soul isn’t bound and this crap would start all over again. “
Angel A nodded. “Glad, you realized that at least.”
Angel ‘little a’ cocked his head. “I’m not B, I’ve had Cordy in my life. I’ve told you what the others told me. You can’t hold it against Cordy. It never happened for her.” Angel ‘little a’ demanded.
“Don’t worry.”
“I do.”
“I won’t make her feel guilty about something she has nothing to feel guilty about.”
“Right, like you didn’t make her feel responsible for Angelus marking her.”
“You’re just talking now, you understand that.”
Angel ‘little a’ sighed. “I do, I just don’t understand her.”
“Either do I, but I have no choice but to accept it, because otherwise I wouldn’t have her.”
Angel ‘little a’ nodded again. “Tell me about the sketches, she knew when she came to get me. How was I not so scared that she would leave that I showed her?”
“Oh, you were scared. You will be terrified. You got careless. It was after Cordelia had moved in. One night you will be making love to Cordelia and afterwards as she was sleeping, you will be so engrossed in drawing not to realize that she woke up. Then the drawer is open. All looked at all understood or least accepted. She’ll sit with you and make you tell her about Kathy and you will, she will cry with you when you tell her about Kathy, Hell and the victims, she will raise her brows and toss the books of Darla and Buffy off to the side, make you frame the picture of Doyle that she liked the best. Then she’ll blush and squirm when she gets the books of her, by then they will out number all. It will be morning before she drags you back to bed, makes love to you and tells you over and over that she loves you.”
“Oh.” Angel ‘little a’ stared at the unconscious teenage body of Cordelia Chase, amazement and love filled his being at the woman she would become.
“Yeah, OH. When you wake up, you’ll feel that a weight has been lifted from our soul. That’s until you see her going back through all the books with a frown on her face. You’ll be scared again, but then she will just start bitching that out of all the sketches she didn’t see one of Dennis. Which I though was bizarre on so many levels considering what she had seen, the least though being he is a ghost and not really even a friend to me, sure he was sympathetic before Cordelia and I admitted that we loved each other but afterwards I swear he sabotaged things. He never quite went as far as leaving the drapes open, but he would do things. I was going to make dinner at Cordy’s, she was tired of everybody eating ‘her dinner’ so we went to her apartment. I can cook,” Angel stopped and stared at the other vampire,” Of course you know that, well, the pasta burned and the sauce over cooked. A disaster.”
Angel ‘little a’ frowned he screwed up something so simple. Then he thought about it some more. “Just a question.’
Angel A narrowed his brow.
“Was the soul bound and was Cordy in the kitchen with you.”
Angel A twitched his lips and looked at his feet. “Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best example, it is hard to concentrate when Cordy is nearby, but that ghost was a menace for a while,” Angel A said with surety. “He never gave me any towels. I had to resort to taking showers with Cordy just to get towels. He always gave her towels”
“Oh god, are you telling me I’m going to have to resort to whining with a ghost to get a towel.”
“I think you’re missing the point.” Angel A raised his brows. “Cordy was mad at Dennis for making me drip dry. He got mad, but he didn’t have the balls to taker her towels away so Cordy offered to share her shower and towels. I won that one.”
“I don’t remember Dennis so interfering.”
“He holds a grudge, he just only forgave me for your, my, fuckups. It seems he kept a calendar, that’s where Cordy got the idea for hers. Cordy marked good days but Dennis marked bad ones and he double scored if I was even remotely the cause. Cordy cries once and I’m double banged forever.” Angel sighed. “There were too many of those days.”
“Cordy said he was at the hotel, you didn’t exorcise him.”
“Do you even know Cordy?”
“Oh right, dust buster fodder. So, he went with her. In our room?”
“Has his own with a TV and everything, it’s the best in the hotel. He’s a ghost, he’s dead, not corporal, god Damn’t. But Cordy and Fred love him. It’s not just us. Gunn even gets jealous.”
“Gunn?”
“He and Fred.”
“Oh, have you warned him she’s crazy.”
“She’s not crazy, just unique, you’ll love her.”
“That’s what Cordy said.”
“She’s right.”
“Okay,” Angel drew a long sigh. “What about the Dennis’ portrait?”
“You heard about that?”
“Gunn said it was the best picture you, we, ever drawn.”
“It was before we got the spell to move Dennis. Cordy wanted have a picture of him during the wait, to tide her over from her and Fred’s visits with him, which were every day. I’ll admit I was a little frustrated. So I just gave her a blank page and with the date and my scrawl.” Angel’s brows raised as his shoulders went up and down. “ She loved it, they all did, even Dennis, he hasn’t skimmed with the towels once since then. It’s framed in our bedroom.”
“That worked.”
Angel shrugged again. “I don’t see how, but it got me towels and a happy Cordy, which is better that an annoyed one. The annoyed one takes five seconds longer to get unclothed and on the bed.”
Angel 'little a' couldn’t decide if he wanted to hear more or just kill the vampire before him. He had to remind himself that his Cordelia was waiting. “I’ll go, but don’t fuck up my future. I know I get there, but don’t make it so she’s running away when I do. Love her, protect her, and keep her safe for me. Can you do that?”
“I already have, not always the best way, but she’s still waiting and loving. Don’t worry about me, worry, when she looks at you and tells you- you hurt her feelings, worry when she tells you -you aren’t her friend, cherish every fucking smile you get when she forgets momentarily that she hates you.”
“It’s going to hurt, isn’t it?”
“Worse than you can ever imagine. But, it will be worth it. Once in our long fucked life we will have done something right, we will have wanted something someone so much for the right reason. You think she’s a weakness. I’ll tell you she is our strength.”
“I was coming too that conclusion. I just wish could have remembered it sooner.”
“Cordelia wouldn’t be ready. But she will be. Oh, keep sketching the dreams. Cordy is quite happy that now there are more books of her than anyone else. She gets ‘gooey’.
“’Gooey?”
“Her words. She likes that I made her beautiful. Odd, she knows that she is, but she is always amazed when I draw her. I don’t think she has ever really seen herself. Dorkiness and the puppy dog look are for easy fights, shutting her up by kissing is the next line of defense. Leaving a sketch for her eyes only is the big guns. If that doesn’t work give up and truly beg. You want my future- fine- but I’ll warn you the once Scourge of Europe is in the future whipped by a beautiful sharp tongued full of heart young woman.”
Angel ‘little a’ looked up not really surprised. He had already accepted the inevitability of Cordelia Chase.
“I really go shopping?”
“Yeah, but you do that on your own at first to make her smile, then later to get her to hug you. No fighting involved, you just want to be hugged.”
“Do I have to do it often that just seems like hell?”
“It is, but it’s worth it. Body Works, Victoria Secret and shoot, I can never remember the name, but it has really nice changing rooms, big enough to lie down,” Angel wrinkled his expression. “Shopping isn’t that bad.”
Angel ‘little a’ growled. “I want to kill you.”
Angel A swerved from his thoughts of him helping Cordy zip, unzip, zip and unzip on a carpeted floor, with a large mirror that showed only her squirming in pleasure.
“Yeah. I bet you do. But, the anticipation the hunt, the challenge of getting her to accept you back was terrifying and exhilarating. It will be your finest work.” Angel smiled. “And the day you realize that the smile beaming towards you was hiding, juices steamed with arousal, begging to be touched. You will be one happy camper, frustrated as hell, but it will result in the sketch that makes Cordy compete with an excellent fantasy. Cordy with all of her heart, all of her courage, is also vain, a pain in the ass and quite competitive.”
“I knew that.”
“Yes, but I’ve experienced it. You need to go, so you can start on the journey. I will tell you this. We do go through some horrendous shit, Wolfram & Hart will screw with her, she be will sucked into a hell dimension, but it’s worth it.”
“Wolfram & Hart.”
Angel jerked to the other vampire. “You will do some damage but you won’t destroy it. I won’t either, but I will make sure that they understand once in for all, they can’t get to me by way of Cordy. I can’t destroy the firm, but I can kill every person walking and talking in the firm.”
“What?” Angel ‘little a’, stared at the other vampire’s shake of his head.
“Cordy,” he shrugged. “With Darla, I got chastised about letting the lawyers die, with Cordy in danger-Wesley, Gunn and even Fred don’t seem to mind so much. They are hypocrites.”
“And.”
“And. I love them for it. They have they’re priorities straight. I have to go, she’s been alone for too long and this one may wake up,” he nodded to the prone girl. “And then there will be hell to pay.” He puzzled.
“What?”
“I know I loved Buffy, but how in the hell did I miss her.”
“Be thankful that you did or Angelus wouldn’t have - the dreams.” Angel ‘little a’ reminded him.
“Yeah.”
Angel ‘little a’ stared. “I knew she was beautiful.”
“Like I didn’t.”
“You said you missed her.”
“I’m not arguing with my self over this.”
Both vampires froze in fear as the young woman stirred. “Okay. Time to go.” They both echoed as they ran out of the bedroom.
Continue on...