Title: Betrayal, Deception & Forgiveness
Author: anne
Posted: 09-17-2002
Rating: PG up to NC-17 (later)
Email: anneeb4@aol.com
Content: C/A
Summary: I'm getting Angel and Cordelia out of the 'situations' that the writers put them at the end of S3
Spoilers:
Disclaimer: No, I haven't managed to buy or get control of ATS over the summer- it still belongs to Joss, Mutant Co & etc
Distribution:
Notes: It's been awhile. I've been taking a break. I haven't read any spoilers for the S4 by choice, haven't written any stories by fact-I haven't had any ideas or I did, but I didn't have an idea how to start- I wanted to get the hero's out of the their respective problems- but I couldn't figure out what to write, so I didn't. I did try some of the other ideas that were suggested but until I could either get Angel out of the situation or watch it, all my other ideas slowed to a complete stop.
Well, I started writing, of course, it would have to be close to when Joss blows everything I write out of the water, so I'm going to be posting quickly from now on- trying to get the story out before the season premiere.
Dedication: anybody and everybody that read my stuff before and took the time to say nice things. Thanks.Part 18
"Why didn't you bring this to my attention sooner." The little girl glared at the printout in her hands than back up to Linwood and Lilah.
"She's telling the truth." Linwood started.
Lilah couldn't help but shoot 'I told you so' looks at her fidgeting boss. She had seen them and took them immediately to Linwood, but he hadn't seen the importance. It had taken Lilah an hour to convince him to go to the upper floor.
Pollyanna got up. "How does anything get accomplished in Special Projects? The truth is Cordelia Chase is supposed be working for us now. That's not the truth that she's supposed to be telling Angel. She's fooled the soothsayers. She's stronger than we thought."
Lilah glanced down at her hands, deciding that "I told you so' wasn't something she wanted to say to the little whatever scary thing she was.
Pollyanna turned to female lawyer. "She fooled Wesley too or did she?" The warning clear in the little girl's stark tone.
Lilah raised her eyes. "Like you said, Cordelia fooled the soothsayers. He said that her change in persona wasn't really a change but a reversion back to who she was before Angel and the mission. The soothsayers confirmed it. He did pass and he doesn't have the motivation that Cordelia has to lie."
"Explain." "What are you talking about?"
Lilah shook her head at her boss and the little girl. "Whatever you did to her wasn't the first time that she's been tortured or close to death because of Angel and those times never stopped her from being loyal to the vampire, in fact, I say it just made their bond stronger," repeating Wesley's words from the night before. "It's obvious, she loves him. It would take a major miracle to break their bond. Possibly the only thing would be."
"You've a suggestion."
"Not really, I was going to say Angelus, but Wesley says, and the research supports it, Angelus would not help us. He's evil but uncontrollable."
"Wesley is correct. A return of Angelus would not be beneficial. What we need is for Angel to come to us or at least ignore the mission. And it is as you say, obvious, Cordelia won't help us."
"What do you want us to do?"
"Get rid of her use the device. She's obstacle." The little girl faced the female lawyer. "Lilah, I haven't forgotten that you had your doubts and that they were discounted. You were right in this, let's just hope that you are also correct in your assessment of Wyndiem-Price."
Lilah silently hoped that she was too, but so far, he had done nothing to make her worry.
***********
Lilah walked into Wesley's apartment. The man looked up from his books. "I didn't hear you knock."
"Not now." Lilah said going straight for the bottle of whiskey pouring two glasses.
"What's happened."?
"Here have a drink, we can toast the demise of Cordelia Chase."
Wesley paused in his ascent from the table, bracing himself and then pushed himself up to feet. "That's a change of circumstances since yesterday. I find it difficult to believe that Angel killed her, even if he found out the truth." Wesley said slowly taking a glass from Lilah.
"He found out the truth, but he didn't kill her, we did. She lied, Wesley, she was never working for us. The bio-emphatic graph confirmed it. She's was implanted with one before she was released." Lilah saw Wesley's questioning look and answered it. "She knew it and somehow was able to beat, but I guess, she didn't care to keep up the pretense once she was with Angel. What she didn't know was the device was also a weapon. If activated it blows a gasket or something in the brain. The neutron paths break down creating cold area's in the brain, pretty soon no activity then death."
"And this device has been activated?" Wesley asked softly.
"Saw the button pushed myself." Taking a large swallow of liquor. "Where are you going."?
"Too throw up." Wesley slammed the glass to the table.
"Wesley, she'd lied, she wasn't working for us."
"And she was a young woman full of life and courage and she was once my friend, now she's dead or will be soon. I haven't completely lost my soul, Lilah." Wesley shut the door of the bathroom.
Lilah took another swallow wondering if the nausea in her stomach was a warning signal that Wesley wasn't quite resigned to working with Wolfram & Hart as he seemed or a forgotten inner regret of a soul corrupted long ago. She took another drink and settled on the thought that it was just the result of alcohol on an empty stomach.
Wesley braced himself over the sink staring into the mirror burying his anger and grief. He had to think and quickly. He took a deep breath and exited the bathroom.
"Don't you have any food in this place." Lilah asked from the insides of his refrigerator.
"You could leave."
Lilah ignored his curt suggestion and grabbed a carton of leftover Chinese.
Wesley went to back to the whiskey bottle after first stopping at his desk.
"Here." He handed Lilah another drink.
"Just what my stomach needs." Lilah downed the drink. "You want some," holding out the carton.
"No, thank you." Wesley said as he waited for the drug to take effect. He caught Lilah before she hit the floor. Once the woman was placed on the couch, Wesley left the apartment, his long legs hurrying then running to his car.
Part 19
"Angel," Fred stopped then ran further into the room. "Oh god, Cordy, she's back, but what's wrong with her? Angel?"
"I." Angel growled picking Cordy's unconscious body and placing it on the bed.
"Jimmin' Crickets, this looks all to familiar." Lorne pushed his way in the room, wrapping his robe tighter around his body.
"Lorne?" Angel looked up.
"Hey, big guy, welcome back, that last frantic call from the kitten got me on the midnight train to LA." Lorne leaned over the still body of Cordelia. "This isn't mystical, though, no magic or power vibes. What happened?"
"Wolfram & Hart," Angel growled.
"Not surprised but.." Lorne lifted his hands from Cordelia head. "She's absent. Did she have a vision?"
"Cordy's a demon, this isn't supposed to be happening. She was cured." Fred shook her head.
"Man, Angel, Wolfram & Hart? That's where she was- but Lilah said."
"Angel," Wesley rushed in coming over to the bed. "Cordy?"
"Whoa, man, what are you doing here?" Gunn moved aggressively towards Wesley. "You're girlfriend better not be around."
"What's wrong with her, what did they do?" Angel said, focusing on the new occupant of the room.
"A device, some sort of bio feedback polygraph, when they figured out that Cordy had been lying, they activated it. It is sending charges to break down her neutron connections, creating the cold areas."
"Man, what are you doing here." Gunn said again, trying to understand something or anything of what was going on.
"Gunn, stop" Fred pulled at her boyfriend. "Wesley, what you are describing is exactly what happened before, the visions, it caused that type of damage."
Wesley nodded. "We would need x-rays to be sure, but I believe it would be the same."
"NO." Angel growled.
Wesley pulled at Angel's arm. "Angel, it's different this time, Cordy can handle it now because she's part demon. It won't kill her."
"She ain't waking up and floating." Gunn said angrily.
"The device must be creating the disturbance, but once its gone, she'll be fine. But it needs to be soon." Wesley shot to the room at large, but his eyes were on the girl on the bed.
Lorne leaned back over Cordelia. "Angelcakes, he may be right. This isn't mystical but man-made. Get it out and her demon part might be able to repair the damage like last time."
"She said they implanted it in her neck," Angel gently rubbed the spot that Cordelia had been touching earlier.
"She needs to go to the hospital." Gunn and Fred said at the same time.
"No, it will take to long to convince them that she doesn't need to be in th e Psyche Ward." Angel shook his head.
"I know some one," Lorne said. "A doctor that deals with the unusual, if you know what I mean."
"Let's go." Angel stood, Cordelia now cradled in his arms. "Wesley."
"I had to come and tell you. to make sure but I have to go now. The sleeping potion I gave Lilah is only good for a couple of hours."
Angel nodded sharply, his voice raw. "Thank you."
Wesley glanced at the vampire then at the roomful of his former friends and then left.
"What was he doing here?" Gunn asked again.
"Gunn, he came to tell us how to save Cordy."
"But, why? He's working for Wolfram & Hart."
"Not by his choice, but mine." Angel said quickly. "Lorne, the doctor?"
"Right." Lorne quickly led the way.
Fred blinked to Gunn. "Angel told him to work for Wolfram & Hart and he is?" a happy smile formed on Fred's face. "Wesley's not bad."
"Why do I feel completely out of the loop?" Gunn said.
"Because we were?" Fred shrugged. "Come on."
***********
"What happened?" Lilah raised her body off of the couch.
"You fell asleep or rather passed out, you really shouldn't drink so much on an empty stomach."
Lilah glared. "And you just left me here?"
"I didn't want to wake you, sleeping you all most look innocent."
"You're a bastard, you know that. I'm going to take a shower then go to bed."
Wesley closed his book agreeing completely with the woman, but at least Cordelia would live and hopefully soon, Wolfram & Hart would pay for all the damage that it's done then finally he could go home.
Part 20
“Angel, hey, I got her. Gunn jumped towards the vampire, reaching to help him carry Cordelia as the vampire stumbled.
Angel growled pushing past Gunn moving into the doctor’s office, readjusting his hold on Cordelia.
Gunn puzzled at the vampire's misstep. Angel was damn strong and Gunn, in all of the times he'd witnessed Angel holding Cordy’s unconscious body, Gunn had never seen Angel falter. In fact, it always seemed that Angel grew stronger as if his strength and will could flow over the young woman and make her well again. Gunn studied the vampire intently. “Man, you don’t look so hot.” He finally concluded.
“Angel, are you not feeling well? Are you? …What’s that?” Fred’s concern was interrupted momentarily by the sight of a metal chair up against the wall in the office. The chair had way too many long twisted steel appendages to be a normal chair. Clamps and vice grips seemed to grow out of each attached rod. Fred tentatively moved closer studying the chair that looked a lot like a large metal spider, a very scary large metal spider.
“Some of Dr. Lota’s patients have more than the standard number of legs and arms and an aversion to be poked and prodded.” Lorne answered. “Angel, put the princess over here.”
“Oh,” Fred winced, grateful that Lorne had directed Angel to a harmless looking hospital gurney. She shook her head retrieving the point she had been trying to make before," It's a doctor's office, Angel, maybe it has blood, if you’re hungry. Is that why you’re not feeling well? Are you hungry?” The worried look back on her face.
“Can ya wait to we get back to the hotel,” Gunn said looking around at all of the other strange and alarming equipment in the room.
Fred’s eyes widen in more worry. “Charles, do we have any? I didn't pick up any fresh with Angel being gone and anything else we have is over a month old." Fred squinted at Angel. "Is that too old? Have you eaten anything since you’ve come back, you must be starving.” Fred looked quickly around the room searching for anything red.
“I’m fine.” Angel growled.
"We'll get some on the way home.”
“But, Charles,” Fred continued to look at Angel with concern.
“He said he was fine and this isn’t any kind of doctor’s office I’d be wanting to be hanging out in or snackin,” Gunn raised his brows at the long metal rod he had picked up, eyeing the grisly sharp pinchers at the tip. “It looks Dr. Frankenstein’s Shop of Horrors. This guy can help Cordy?”
“Dr. Frankenstein was a quack.” A tall very pale male with translucent skin showing prominent blue veins on his hands and face walked into the room plucking the rod out of Gunn’s hand, his red eyes glowed through the spectacles he was wearing, his white coat fell loosely over his thin body covering what had to be more bright blue trails under transparent skin. “As for blood, I’ve an excellent selection of various specious and types, you can never have enough. If the vampire is hungry- in the back room, rather there than us, I’d say.” The thin tall doctor chuckled, pleased with his joke.
“I said - I was fine.”
The demon peered at Angel from over his glasses. “I’ve seen healthier specimens, but nothing that a couple humans won’t cure. Joke.” The doctor held out his hands at Angel’s expression and Gunn’s grunt. “No sense of humor. Fatal flaw in some demons AND humans. Now,” he said rubbing his hands together towards Cordelia’s body. “What do we have here?”
“She has a device in her neck that needs to be removed as soon as possible.” Lorne said quickly.
“Is that it?” the doctor looked disappointed. “When you told me it was the part demon seer I was hoping for something more exotic, maybe a chance to cut open her brain. You’re sure the device is in her neck?” The doctor perked up. “May I should cut the brain open just to make sure.”
“And Frankenstein was a quack?” Gunn moved simultaneously with Angel towards the doctor.
The doctor waved them a way. “Fine, I’ll take an X-ray. Possibly, as payment for my services, when the seer does die, I could have her brain? It would be a coup.”
Lorne stepped quickly between a growling Angel and the doctor. “Just remove the device, Angel isn’t interested in your enthusiasm over his seer’s lovely brain, which will be staying in her especially lovely head.”
“Very well,” the doctor sighed. “Vampire, I would have to agree with your companions, you do need to eat. You’re pale and your extreme rudeness visibly indicates hunger and that’s a medical opinion. The other room,” he pointed. “I will not let your neglect of your body’s needs disturb this operation.”
“Pale? Doc Wierdo has room to talk, I can practically see through him,” Gunn leaned into Fred's ear.
“No talking either, better yet, leave. It is a easy operation, rest assured but I will not tolerate growling and chattering.” The demon chastised leaning up from his patient.
“I’m not leaving.” Angel growled louder.
“Angel,” Lorne pulled at the vampire. “He’s right. Let’s all just go wait outside, she’ll be fine. He’s temperamental but good. You should probably eat something. Dr. Lota said he had a variety. I’m sure he said he had animal.”
“I didn’t but I do. But, vampire, animal doesn’t carry all the nutrients that the demon needs, human is the proper source of sustenance for your kind.”
“Hey, stop with the pushing of the human stuff, Angel’s on a pig diet.” Gunn interrupted.
“And that’s why the vampire is unwell. Human.” The doctor lectured pulling down his spectacles.
“Why is everyone worried about my diet? And I'm not sick. Cordelia," He growled emphasizing his priority.
“Yeah, like a vampire’s eating habits shouldn’t be something worrisome. Maybe we should check out the supply, make sure it isn’t spiked with anyone we know.”
“Shh, Charles.”
“What bad things can only happen in three’s, hate to mention it, girl, but we’ve passed that cliché a long time ago.”
“Charles,” Fred chided.
“Crumbcake, grumpy vampire’s are not fun to be around.” Lorne rolled his eyes.
“Dangerous, too.”
“Charles,” Fred repeated sternly.
“I wasn’t talking about Angel….not exactly.”
“Just make her better.” Angel growled and left the room, heading for the room of blood.
***********
Angel’s hand automatically reached out for the bag of human blood. He wasn’t sick not in any normal definition of the word but the hunger that had ate away at him in his imprisonment hadn’t yet gone away. The smell of the room just made it more urgent. His demon was craving constant nourishment in an instinctual need to make its body whole and to calm its fear of another bout of forced starvation. Angel paused, turning searching until he smelled selections of animal. He moved towards it. Again, he paused; this time growling and going straight back to the human. He grabbed the bag and bit into it, drinking it in one gulp. He savored it for only a moment, half grateful and half cursing it’s cold congealed state. He wanted warm and flowing, but the bag of human blood was all that was available. The warm alive humans in next room he couldn’t touch, he knew that. But it didn’t make wanting them in his embrace less enticing. Angel grabbed another bag. He leaned against the counter, this time drinking more slowly, feeling the blood working it’s relief. The dead faces of Robbie and Laurie flashed in his mind. Angel ignored them, they had served a purpose, just has the human blood did now. He was still weak from his imprisonment and he needed to be ready when it was time to tear apart the ones that made Cordelia feel pain once done and he was whole again then he deal with his increased craving for human blood.
Part 21
Dr. Lota looked around the empty office. He should’ve known better. He kept swearing over and over again that he would never ever do business with a vampire-they were untrustworthy. Not only didn’t he get a promise of the woman’s brain, he didn’t get paid and the bloodsucker drank four of his best human blood specimen’s, leaving a mess. Vampires, even with a soul, you couldn’t trust them.
***********
Angel remained seated at Cordelia’s bedside waiting for the anesthetic to wear off.
Gunn cleared his throat. “Ah, Angel, don’t you think that it's time that you let all of us in the loop. I don’t know, for example, what's Wes' deal and how and where's Cordy been? What the hell’s happening? Just for example.”
Angel shook his head. “It can wait until she wakes up.”
“Angel, it can’t really- I mean I want to know- and she’s sleeping- prognosis fine- so now would be kind of perfect, no interruptions.”
“Please, Angel.” Fred chimed in softly. “Cordy will be fine.”
“Angelcakes, come on, I’m confused and I’m rarely confused, bewildered and befuddled okay maybe but not confused.” Lorne added.
Angel glanced up from Cordelia then to his friends and proceeded to tell them everything that he knew.
***********
Fred finally interrupted the silence that had descended the room once Angel stopped talking.
“Well Charles, you were right, Cordy wasn’t on the moon, she was being held captivate for a month by Wolfram & Hart,” Fred’s voice was brittle, quiet but giving every indication that it would crack and explode in a moment. “She’s was there being tortured for a month by Wolfram & Hart and Angel was at the bottom of the ocean put there by his son, who we couldn’t find because he’s being held by Wolfram & Hart, we didn’t know, didn’t find them, didn’t save them,” she swung around to her boyfriend her voice finally snapping. “What kind of detectives are we? We’re beyond BAD. And Wesley, what kind of double agent is he- I watch movies- spies are supposed to tell the good guys what the bad guys are planning before they do it, not after. Probably too busy sleeping with that skanky bitch.” Her relief that Wesley wasn’t really working for Wolfram & Hart had turned by leaps and bounds to criticism at Wesley’s perceived methods. She twirled and landed back in the chair her arms firmly across her chest glaring at everyone.
“Girl. He was doing a job. Sure, the bitch is kind of hot, but….”
“HOT? I believe I said she was a SKANKY BITCH.” Fred’s glower focused entirely on her boyfriend.
Gunn jumped back his dark face, blanching more than a few degrees. “I said she was a bitch,” looking for support from the other men and wondering at the same time why Fred was getting so upset. Sure, Wes and Lilah doing the bedroom tango wasn’t a pretty picture, but sometimes a spy’s got to what a spy’s got to do. Gunn was just glad it wasn’t him.
“Kiddies. Wesley’s undercover ‘undercover’ mission isn’t the issue as torrid as it is. Angel cakes, are you sure about Wesley’s loyalty?”
Angel briefly looked up from Cordelia. “Yes.”
“Okaydokie, since you’re the one that tried to smother him, we’ll follow your say so.”
Silence again settled over the room. Angel went back to studying Cordelia’s sleeping form. He jerked as he felt her hand move.
“Hi,” Cordelia said softly.
“Cordy.” Angel pulled her up in a tight hug.
“Uhuh.” She said pushing back again. “That wasn’t a Power’s trip- what was it?”
“Wolfram & Hart’s device-it blew up.”
“Oh, Creepy Polly didn’t tell me it could do that,” Cordelia moved trying to get up.
“Cordy, stay.”
“Angel, I feel fine, a little whoosy and groggy, but fine. No permanent damage.”
“Dr. Lota removed it.”
“Who?” Cordy reached for the bandage on her neck. "Am I going to have a scar? I mean that's what my stomach's for." Cordy shook her head. "Nevermind, hi guys.” She waved to Gunn, Fred and Lorne.
“Hi, Cordy, we’ve been looking for you. Honest. Really. We just didn’t find you. We’re so sorry.”
“I’m found now," Cordelia smiled at the forlorn expression on Fred's pretty face. "It's okay." Cordy to the vampire hovering next to her. "Angel, I’ve a plan.” She yawned.
“Sleep.” Angel pushed Cordelia back on the bed. “Tomorrow you can tell us your plan.”
Cordy sighed,” You too,” she yawned again, pulling the vampire down next to her.
Gunn and Fred looked at Lorne, both a little surprised that the vampire hadn’t at least pretended to protest at the proposed sleeping arrangements.
“Come on kiddies, the lovebirds need their rest.”
“Lovebirds?” Fred said once in question then a great smile over came her face. “Thank goodness, something went right.”
Part 22
Cordelia stretched trying to figure out where she was without opening her eyes. She felt comfortable and safe, she didn’t want to wake up completely and find out she was wrong. She tentatively moved her hand reaching out, patting the hard muscled flesh that surrounded her, she snuggled in closer, her hand no longer patting but caressing. She knew where she was and why she felt safe. “Hi,"she said to the dark eyes that were boring into her. “Did you get any sleep or did you brood and stare all night?” she asked teasingly.
“Yes.” Angel answered seriously, leaning into kiss the young woman. Cordelia signed into Angel’s lips holding him close. She moved slightly, finally pulling away to catch her breath. “Yes, you slept or yes you stared?”
“Yes.” Angel smiled pulling Cordelia with him to a seated position.
“Did you sleep at all?” Cordelia questioned.
“I slept.” Angel reassured the worry in the scolding tone. For the first time since being placed in the metal box, he had really slept though not for as long as his body needed. He had fallen asleep to gentle breaths and heartbeats, only to awake when fear began to encroach upon his sleep, fear that the soft sounds and warmth were just a dream. So, Angel remained awake the rest of the night staring at the beautiful woman giving his mind the evidence it needed to rest. His body would just have to wait a little longer for its reprise. But, it was okay. Angel felt stronger. The persistent need of his demon to act for its survival had lessened. Angel didn’t feel as hungry and the instinct to kill was more controllable.
“Good.” She cuddled in closer. “Angel,” she said her lips pressing against his neck, creating small puffs of breaths as she kissed and spoke.
“Mmm,” Angel continued to stroke at the silk of Cordelia’s hair as his hand skimmed along her back, his fingers dancing up finding the pathway to her skin hidden by her T-shirt. Angel needed more. His palm quickly followed the path of his fingers, widening and encompassing as much flesh as it could.
“Once we’re done with my plan the next thing to do on our things to do list is find a way to keep your soul safe and sound where it should be.” She murmured trailing her lips to his.
“Yes,” he murmured as he tasted what she offered, savoring every movement and flavor. His lips and hands rejoiced at the warmth that was being given to him. The need to explore and taste every inch of that warmth pounded throughout his body and vibrated painfully in his groin. With each touch and gasp of breath, Cordelia was igniting a burning need to have it all. Sexual desire was not foreign to Angel but the intensity of this burgeoning need was. He wanted to get lost in the body that felt so perfect in his arm; it was a desire that was transforming into a demanding compulsion and that scared him. Angel’s hand slowed in its descent downward in its instinctive need to reach Cordelia’s inner heat. The warnings of his mind fought against the desire of his heart and urge of his body. Angel stilled forcing his reason to take control. Angel gently moved his hand still caressing but away from the temptation. Once touched, he would have to taste and once tasted, he was afraid that he would forget what he was and why he couldn’t have it all. Angel had known that the curse would put limitations on any physical intimacies between he and Cordelia; he just hadn’t realized that his own desires would limit them even further. Angel pulled slightly away, his hands coming up to cradle her face. His eyes fixed on the darting pinkness that wetted Cordelia’s lips and the desire that clouded her eyes. Angel stared struggling with his frustration at stopping and his bitterness at the unfairness of it all. He should at least be allowed to give Cordelia pleasure, give her more than just kisses to express his love. But pleasuring her, touching and tasting her wasn’t a slippery slope that he thought he could travel. The possible risk was too great.
“Angel,” Cordelia murmured puzzled at Angel’s intense gaze. Angel smiled, pushing aside his thoughts not wanting to burden Cordelia with the intensity of them. “Keep this up and will have to move it to the top of the list.” He said teasingly, happy to see a return smile on Cordelia’s lips. Angel gently adjusted Cordelia off his lap.
Cordelia sighed and scooted a bit further from the vampire. “Yeah, the plan does need to come first.”
“And what is this plan?” Angel asked. The need to get lost in her body was still present Angel had the suspicion that it would never fully go away not as long as she was alive and he could see her and touch her, but the tingling warning that his desire could become uncontrollable was fading. Angel would just have to live with the constant ache, it would be okay because it would be a reminder that they did love each other and that it was real. A frown flitted over his features; he could deal with it, but could Cordelia, why would she want to? She definitely didn’t deserve it.
Cordelia wrinkled her brow at the new expression on Angel’s face. “What is it?”
“What?” Angel said shaken out of his thoughts.
“That broody frown that just appeared out of nowhere. Why? You haven’t even heard my plan.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Angel, don’t avoid tell me.”
Angel wanted to run or at least hide under the bedcovers at her glare. “I…we can’t make love.”
Cordelia blinked. “Ah, duh. That’s why the soul issue is at the top of the list once this is all over.”
“Cordy, there may never be a solution. I love you so much. I….You aren’t some one that I can just have sex with or even…”
“Of course I’m not one of your chippies. No more chippies by the way.”
“What? Of course not, I haven’t…” He stopped at Cordelia’s arched brow.
“Darla was different. But still no joy, I mean the reason….”
“Angel, let’s not rehash the ‘Darla’ incident, that’s been done to death, literally and figuratively, I’m just clarifying the chippies -none. Okay, am I clear?” Arching her brows again.
Angel shook his head. “You don’t understand, my soul….”
“You’re right, I don’t understand. The ‘happy clause’ isn’t some big secret that you been lying to me about and have to come clean about. Remember, I was there when everybody found out. It was all over Sunnydale in leather pants and bodies. Not a secret. So why are you acting like it such a big deal.”
“Why aren’t you acting like it is. How can you want to be in love with someone that you can’t make love too? You are a young, beautiful, vibrant woman. I can’t expect….”
“Hold on, are trying to break up with me?” Cordelia pushed at Angel.
“I…”
“You are, you are about to do the ‘whole Cordy doesn’t deserve this, she deserves a normal life a normal relationship. Forgetting of course, I kind of loss 'normal' rights when I kept the visions and got demon DNA. You’re about to break up with me for my own good, aren’t you? Who do you want to leave, me or you?” Cordelia waved away her last question. “I’m not leaving my family, so I guess that means you, uh, buster.”
“I…” Angel stopped. He hadn’t thought it through that far- a life without Cordelia, leaving her, her leaving him, him being alone. It couldn’t happen. “No,” he said forcibly, he couldn’t leave her like he left Buffy, even for her own good, he needed Cordelia too much.
“Good.” Cordelia studied the vampire. Issues still were making his brow all broody. She took a deep breath. “Angel, the sex thing isn’t a deal breaker, so what that we can’t make love, we’ll figure it out, and for now will just have to settle for less that’s all.”
“Cordy, you’re going to have to settle for a whole helluva lot less than just less, more than I thought.” Angel brushed at his hair in frustration.
The lovely brunette scrunched up her nose trying to understand why Angel was so agitated. “More lessage? We can kiss, right?”
Angel jerked his head away and after a moment of thought he nodded.
Cordelia settled back on the bed studying Angel preparing to pull it out of him tooth by fang. “Can I see you naked?”
Angel looked up. “Uh.”
“Well, can I?”
Angel thought about. He wasn’t modest. That wasn’t a big deal.
“Can you see me naked?"
The idea of Cordy seeing him nude flew out of his mind replaced by the beautiful naked form of Cordelia. Angel gulped and considered, trying to think over his inner voice that was screaming yes, yes, god please,yes. Once he was sure that his decision was not based on that lust driven voice Angel finally nodded.
Cordelia smiled. “So far so good. Okay, can you touch me?”
“Naked?” Angel’s voice rose to an unnaturally high level.
“Yeah.” Cordelia said.
The voice in his head was getting louder as he pictured Cordelia laid out nude open to his touch. Again he tried to ignore it and think clearly but it was getting more difficult. She was getting into dangerous territory. “Maybe” He slowly nodded half hoping and half dreading that Cordelia would ask him to prove it.
“Okay, we’re kissing, I’m naked and your naked and you’re touching me. So, can I touch you?”
“Wait, stop.” Angel jumped off the bed away from the young woman. Flashes of he and Cordelia naked their bodies entangled as their mouths and hands explored. “You didn’t say that we were kissing, touching and naked at the same time, you didn’t.” He shook his head trying to stop the imagines that were so breathtaking that it silenced his inner voice in awe. “NO.” Angel shook his head beating down the urge to make those images real.
Cordelia straightened still remaining seated on the bed. “So, no mutual nakedness or touching or kissing. Okay, one of us will just have to take turns keeping their clothes on.”
Angel jerked stopping in mid-pace trying frantically to rid himself of the new imagines and the inner voice telling him in a very reasonable voice that clothes were a barrier, it would be okay. The voice didn’t sound like Angelus, too whiny and desperate, but Angel wasn’t so sure anymore. “No.” He needed to jump into an ice-covered river or kill something -quick.
Cordelia leaned back, this was getting kind of fun but maybe she shouldn’t torture him so, after all she did love him. Still, he brought their limitations up and now she wanted to know and she couldn’t help smile, Angel wasn’t acting all broody- now he was frantic, which was better than him leaving her because of some stupid nobility. Still should she or shouldn’t she. Why not? And she did need to know. “So, oral sex is in or is it out? I mean the former president said it didn’t count- what does the curse say?”
Angel stood still, his body vibrating with the new imagines that Cordelia’s words invoked. His face embedded in her heat, her taste rolling down his throat, her mouth with those teasing lips encasing him giving him warmth. Angel stepped back, the inner voice again was silenced but not by awe this time, just by Angel’s own body crying out in a pounding need. “This conversation is OVER.” He practically ran out of the room and into the cold shower that could give him some peace.
Cordelia wrapped her arms around her knees resting her head staring at the bathroom door. She really shouldn’t have said that last part. She probably should go apologize but the vampire would probably jump out the window if she went in there. But she couldn’t help the satisfied smile dancing on her lips. Angel really loved and wanted her. Buffy, Darla, chippies be damned, he loved and wanted her, Cordelia Chase -alot. Cordelia scrunched up her face; maybe evil Polly did awaken some of her more bitchy qualities. Nay, Cordelia shook her head at that unease. Cordelia had been jealous of all of those other woman, she just hadn’t realized how much or why. She had the right to gloat for a minute. So, while listening to the water splattering against the porcelain, Cordy sang the childish ditty of nay nay boo boo in her head to all chippies and blondes, she got the dark gorgeous wonderful man, okay so what he was a vampire, she got him. She looked up as the water turned off. Former jealousies went away, Angel loved her, she believed him and she was damn happy.
Angel stepped out of the bathroom a towel wrapped around his waist, his erection and pounding now in a manageable state. He looked up at the frank love and desire in Cordelia’s eyes and turned sharply around and went back into the bathroom.
“Angel. I’ll be good.” Cordy jumped off the bed.
“Get me my clothes.”
“Angel, this is stupid, I’ve seen you in a towel like a hundred times and didn’t rip it off, might’ve wanted to but didn’t.” Cordelia called through the door.
Angel struggled, what was that fantasy number 52, Cordy rips his towel off? He shook his head from behind the door. “MY CLOTHES.”
“Pfft, now you’re being silly.” Cordelia stomped over to Angel’s closet starting to yank at the first piece of clothing she could reach then paused. She scanned the contents closer, pushing and considering each garment.
“Cordy.” Angel yelled from the bathroom.
“I’m trying to find that plaid shirt I got you.” She yelled back.
Angel burst out of the bathroom. “I’ve never owned a plaid shirt and never will, ever.”
“Duh.” Cordelia beamed holding out a dark gray sweater and black pants.
Angel glared dropping his towel and shoved his legs into his favorite pants.
Cordelia sat back on the bed trying to get a better glimpse of Angel’s ass.
“Stop that.” Angel snapped pulling on his sweater.
“Angel, I’m not going to jump you, okay. Come on sit.”
Angel winced as the image of Cordelia throwing her amazing nude body at him. Okay, she hadn’t said nude but she had been nude in fantasy number 12, 18, 45 and…OH, shit. Angel gulped, as the throbbing in his groin got harder. He might’ve gotten out of the shower too soon. He moved a little way from the young woman. “Please, stop with the descriptive stuff, please.”
Cordelia scrunched up her face. “All I said was….”
“Stop, please.” Angel whispered painfully.
“Okay. But Angel,”
“Cordy,” Angel said trying at a calmer tone. “You jumping me isn’t the problem.” He took a breath. “I love you and want you so badly, all you have to do is be there. Sometimes, I turn my head and you smile at me only me and I get almost too happy then.
“Wow.” A great wide smile started to appear over her face. Her eyes widened and she shot her hand up to her mouth.
“Yeah, wow.” Angel said, gently pulling her hand away. “Don’t ever stop smiling for me, please. I couldn’t handle that.”
Cordelia bit her lip and nodded. Cordelia gazed up at the vampire. “Angel, sit.” Cordy beckoned.
The vampire began to look wary but sat lust fears aside, he couldn’t resist her call.
“Angel, I get that we have to be careful, conscious of the evil guy and such. But, I don’t understand why you’re so freaked at it.” She waived away Angel’s disbelieving look. “I don’t-not having sex was a known factor, I knew it before I fell in love with you, you knew it, too. This isn’t a surprise, so why the sudden need to pack up and leave me.”
“I wouldn’t, I couldn’t…”
“Angel, you were ready to go into your “I’ve got to leave for the good of the woman I love mode.’”.
“I could never leave you Cor. I should…but…”
“See, stop that. I told you before I love you and you do deserve love whether it be from me or someone else, you do.”
“I only want it to be you.”
“Then, we’re okay. I just don’t…”
Angel laid a gentle hand up to Cordelia’s face. “I just thought, wanted to…” Angel started to caress her skin. “I just thought that I would be able to at least give you pleasure that’s all, I want to give you something other than pain to fill your memories of me.”
Cordelia leaned back from his touch, getting more than a little angry, finally understanding what was bothering the vampire. “First Angel, I’ll only say this once more you DO NOT give me pain.” Cordelia shook her head. “It’s because of you that I..I believe that I’m a better person than I was supposed to be. My path had been laid out, spoiled rich girl. My father’s ‘misfortune’ wouldn’t have changed that not really. I still would’ve believed that I deserved more…”
“Cordy, you do….”
“Angel, we’re not talking about the same thing.” She studied the vampire. “When did you forget that I was that spoiled selfish girl?”
“Cordy, you weren’t.”
“Yes, I was,” Cordelia smiled softly, her anger receding at Angel’s sure gaze. “Angel, you had to see it, granted, you do get a bit ‘focused’ and Buffy was that focus in Sunnydale, but even here when we first met again you had to see it. You did. You thought I was a pain. It’s okay, you were a pain too.”
“Buffy…”
“Angel, listen to me, this isn’t about Buffy. I’m not questioning your love for Buffy or wanting you to explain it or compare it or deny it, she helped you become who you are now, I might not have been her biggest fan in the day, but I’ve learned to appreciate who she is and what she has done and is still doing. I know you loved her. Buffy’s not an issue with me, not anymore, I’ve done my 30 second gloating bit. This is about me.”
“30 second what?”
“Don’t worry, okay. But, Angel, I was a spoiled bitch and I thought I deserved,” Cordy shook her head. She had forgotten all those thoughts and feelings until scary girl brought them all back in techno color. “Deserved isn’t even right, I thought I was entitled to everything and I mean everything that’s what I was raised to believe and I did. It changed over the last few years but that was who I was.”
“No, Cordy, that’s not right.’
“Angel..”
The vampire shook his head. “I do remember Sunnydale and when you first came to LA. I know what I saw. I noticed the beautiful superficial selfish girl even through my Buffy-glazed glasses, I noticed not so much because you were beautiful, you were and are, but because even then when I had forgotten how to smile, you made me smile. There was no drama or angst surrounding you, you just were you saying what needed to be said, sometimes in very tactless fashion, but usually you were right. I agreed with you more times than you could ever imagine or would’ve if I had been able to focus beyond Buffy. You were funny. You made me laugh.” He rose at brow at Cordelia’s look of pure disbelief. “Inside,” he nodded, ‘deep inside.”
“Right.” Cordelia cocked her brow.
“Really. It’s just that I wasn’t the funny guy that I am now.”
“Uh.” Cordelia’s other brow rose to match its mate in height and disbelief.
“I’m talking now.” Angel gestured away her expression.
“My god, you do have a sense of humor.” Cordelia said mockingly, smiling at her vampire.
“I said, I was talking, now shut up.”
“I’m listening,” Cordelia inched closer to the vampire. Angel immediately reached for her. "I saw you, a beautiful young girl, who with all her bitching never failed in getting Buffy and gang to where they needed to go, who did what you could to help, seemly reluctant and definitely loud, but if you hadn’t cared you wouldn’t have done it or been there. You had courage and heart even then, just well hidden. Then, I saw you here, admittedly at first I tried to ignore you most of the time.”
“See.”
“Because, you made me smile again, care about something other than my self broodying pity party and I didn’t want to. I didn’t think I could. Then one day, one horrible day, it hit me- I saw you struggle behind sightless crying eyes, seeing god only knows what horror, lifeless against hospital straps and I was afraid that I might not be able to save you. I had saved you before -more than a few times but that time, I was scared. So scared because I realized that I needed you in my life. I think that’s when I began to realize that nothing could ever happen to you, that I had to protect you always. It wasn’t love, not yet. But, in it a way, it’s was more powerful, then I knew I could survive without Buffy, I still loved her but I could survive- but you I needed. It was you and your smile that were my link to actually living, not just being a demon shadow of a man, I couldn’t become the person you joked, nagged, and believed that I could be, the one that I realized that I wanted to be- without you. I didn’t want to be that shadow anymore, I was slow, but I did learn that and you taught me. You in all your Cordyness, uniqueness, wonderfulness, gave me hope for something that was impossible. Like I said I was slow, but the seed was sown that day and it was one that never went away, even when I screwed up. It was there in the corner of my mind drawing me back to you. It’s no wonder I fell in love with you. I didn't really have a choice. I couldn’t not have you in my life, so every where I turned there you were all courageous and heart, so damn loving and beautiful that it hurts sometimes just to look at you. And Cordy, you did have those qualities in Sunnydale it just here that you allowed them to be seen. That’s why I love you and why you are the heart of all of us, especially me. Because that’s who you are, who you always been.”
“You know, that ‘heart’ stuff just gets more and more cheesy every time it’s said. I blame Fred for bringing cheesiness into our midst, ‘heart of’, ‘Kye-rumption, all of it.” Cordy brushed away her tears, valiantly trying not to dissolve into a massive puddle at Angel’s words.
Angel smiled. “Fred, in her own way, says the truth.”
“Hmmph.” Cordelia blinked up her eyes at Angel, attempting to regain her patented Cordy composure. “I had a point to all of this, do you remember? Oh god, I’m turning into Fred.”
“I think you were starting to list some reasons to be mad at me? You were getting angry.” Angel said hopefully.
Cordelia blinked. “Mad at you? After all those wonderful things…” Her eyes widened. “Oh yea, I remember.” A scowl forming on her brow.
“Oh yeah.” Angel said glad to see the melancholy off her beautiful face. “You were saying,” he pulled the young woman closer.
“First, with not going all into it again, you don’t give me pain, one bad time only, the rest wonderful, I found a purpose and a family with you so if nothing else I love you for that, okay. The vision, while not asked for originally, I ultimately chose, just like I chose to stay with you and always will. I believe in the mission and I believe in you and I love that I can believe in both. The second was,” Cordelia turned separating their bodies but maintaining her gaze on the vampire. She wasn’t really sure how to say the next part. Angel’s most recent brood fodder was that he wouldn’t be able to give her an orgasm, not said explicitly, but she had figured it out. Which Cordy did admit was a bit unfair, since it was his soul that was tied up to ‘the big happy’ not hers, but really she didn’t think it was that big of a deal. It would’ve bothered her more if he had said no kissing or cuddling. Not that she didn’t like sex, she did- she was a healthy female with needs. It’s just that orgasms never were big on her list of needs. The boys she had dated that she did actually sleep with, which were a lot less that high school gossip said, never really concerned themselves with her pleasure just theirs. And later, there were even less guys, Wilson and Groo. If she had an orgasm with Wilson, that memory was wiped completely away by the huge pregnant stomach full of demon babies she woke up with. So no after glow there. And Groo, she guessed she had them with him, she was sure she did, but mostly it seemed like she faked to get him to stop, god it was always, ‘I must please my princess’, ‘pound pound pound’ all night until she screamed like a banshee just to get him to stop. Which sounds great, all that stamina, unless you’re the one getting pounded in when all you really wanted was to be held and kissed and feel the intimacy of being loved. There were no kaleidoscope of colors bursting behind her eyelids or nerves that melted in to exquisite explosions, or losing conscious at the pleasure, that was romance novels, reality was ‘pound pound pound'. You got what you could outta of foreplay. Cordelia jerked her head. Oh god, she was frigid, she wasn’t a healthy female. She couldn’t tell Angel that, he’d never want to make love to her then. Cordelia signed and buried her head in her hands. Why did she start this whole thing? To wrapped up in loving Angel and reassuring him, never mind the consequence to her self-confidence and exposure of her faults.
Angel sat and waited for the second reason Cordelia was mad. Only it wasn’t coming. In fact, something was upsetting her. Her beautiful eyes had gone from the welcome glare, to concentration, to shock and then to embarrassment. What the hell was she thinking? “Cordy, what is it.”
“What? Nothing.”
“Cordelia, the second reason, you started but stopped.”
“I forgot.”
“Cordy, stop avoiding and tell me.” Angel repeated her earlier words.
Cordelia glared up. He shouldn’t be able to use her words against her. That wasn’t fair. When did she lose control over this conversation? Oh she remembered, when she actually starting thinking about orgasms and Angel in the same thought. She took a deep breath. She was Cordelia Chase, she loved Angel, but it was only Angel, when had she not been able to handle a conversation with him. Okay, think. “Angel, I get that you want to please me, I do really and that’s so sweet.” She patted Angel’s face.
Angel pulled back; the images of naked bodies were starting to surface again. “Sweet?” Angel sat further away, his images maybe could be called sweet he did have a couple of nice fantasies of Cordelia which started out with music and candlelight and words of love, they were number 1 thru 5, and then there was 12, which had flowers and god forbid dancing, he guessed they could be called sweet, of course they all ended up hot and sweaty and a bit more carnal that ‘sweet’.
“Yes, sweet. It’s so sweet that you want give that to me, but Angel it’s no big deal.”
Angel narrowed his eyes and began to wonder if she was talking about something different than what he was thinking. “Cordelia, I was talking about pleasing you.”
“I know. It’s….”
“I wasn’t talking about making you dinner,” Angel interrupted not wanting to hear the word sweet again.
“I know, you what you were talking about. You want me to be able to have the ‘big happy’ even when you can’t. That’s….”
“Please stop saying sweet.”
“What’s wrong with sweet, it is.”
“It’s just not the word that I would use to describe what I want to do you.”
“Making love to me would to be sweet.” Cordelia glared.
Angel blinked back to the vision of music and candlelight. He nodded quickly and kept on nodding until the glare left Cordy’s face. She was right it would be sweet- sweetly sexy, sweetly hot, sweetly enticing, sweetly carnal, sweetly love-filled, sweetly lust-crazed.
Cordelia smiled. “Right. Anyway, it’s that is not necessary. It’s not a big deal. Orgasms are overrated. Sure, okay, not for you, you’re a guy and you’ve got this whole mysticism of the curse wrapped around it, of course it’s like a really big deal to you. I understand that. But this broody need for you to give me one is unnecessary. Having you kiss me, hold me and love me is enough, though it is really sweet of you to think you have to do more for me. But, Angel, women don’t need orgasms like men, half the time they fake, you saw ‘Harry Met Sally’.”
Angel sat back trying to catch one, just one of the fleeing and crashing thoughts that were bombarding his mind. The first was who in the hell were Harry and Sally and what were they doing in this conversation. That question he was able to dispense with as soon as he recalled the movie and the scene Cordy referred to. He only remembered it because Cordy had laughed her head off, crying ‘men are so lame’ and that he felt uncomfortable and had a sudden need to prove to the hysterical woman that she would never fake anything with him-that memory became rooted in his mind as he realized the meaning of Cordelia’s whole statement not just the movie part. If Cordy really believed that women didn’t want orgasms than she never had one not really, not that the kind that blew your mind and reason out of your head, the kind he was afraid of having with her, the kind he knew he could give her. Angel was back to the thought to prove to Cordy that she would never fake with him- the challenge was there but so was the pleasure of knowing that Groo, the buff naïve hero never gave her one. He couldn’t of or she wouldn’t be so ready to ignore it. Angel thought he could do this, because even with how much he loved Cordy, right now the overwhelming urge wasn’t to get lost in her, but in completing the challenge successfully.
“Cor,” Angel leaned in. “You fake your pleasure?” He smiled, his grin soft, his voice smooth as silk and slightly teasing. Cordelia blinked leaning away. This wasn’t a smile of Angel’s she had seen before. It scared her. Not in the oh my god it’s Angelus and a bloodbath, but in oh my god I’m a deer caught in the fucking headlights or I’m a fucking mouse getting ready to be pounced on by a really beautiful dangerous cat. Though, that wasn’t right either, the deer and mouse were victims, she didn’t necessarily feel like a victim and Angel the predator. Okay, she did, as his hand started to tease the flesh of her collarbone and mouth as he moved closer with that confident teasing smile. Damn it was sexy. Okay she didn’t feel like she was going to die just that something uncontrollable was about to happen. Hey, that wasn’t good. “Angel.”
“Shh, baby, just trust me, I’m in control.”
“Angel, you said…”
“Shh,” Angel captured her lips, manipulating them, teasing them, torturing them and his hand was doing much more to her skin. How'd he get his hands under her shirt so fast.
Oh God. Cordelia started to believe in fireworks behind the eyes. Her body did just seem to melt as Angel’s hand, the one that wasn't teasing her breast moved down along her jeans to the juncture of her thighs. Oh god. Cordy just knew that it wasn’t natural the way her body had heated up to boiling level. He was just fondling her through her jeans, not an unknown experience. But it was Angel, Angel the vampire that she had loved longer than she probably even knew, was tracing hard and circling patterns through the denim fabric. She was going to scream, because the material was there, the friction unbearable and his clothes were on. She tried to lunge at his lips but they were unmovable on her chest slowly descending onto her breast, she gasped. Kisses on breast were good. She clutched tighter around the vampire, pulling at his shirt, skin she needed to touch skin. She pressed, stroked and dug as the teasing at her jeans became more insistent the pattern more focused. Soon, she couldn’t remember if she had pants on or not and damn, if she didn’t experience a firework display behind her eyelids. “Angel,” she gasped her legs clenching than releasing, her nerves burst finally allowing her to breath. She lay dazed as Angel roughly pushed her away.
“Angel,” she said. The vampire was sitting as far away from her as he could on the bed, staring at his hand, the fingers at his face. She stared at those fingers. Those goddamn fingers that made her forget her name for a moment in delicious time. Cordelia swore that she saw Angel’s tongue dart quickly to taste one. She wanted to be that finger, she wanted to be that tongue. Hell, she just wanted. “Angel,” she said breathlessly crawling closer.
Angel blinked. “Go now, please.”
“Angel,”
“Cordy, please.”
Cordelia stared and that’s when she saw Angel’s straining erection and recognized the grimace on his face, it was the one that she knew was on her face. “Cold-shower.”
Angel blinked gazing at her like she just recited the cure for cancer or peace on earth. He nodded moving jumping to the door of the bathroom. He stopped as he realized that Cordelia wasn’t just talking about him needing a shower her hand was also on the doorknob.
He pushed it away. “Not together.” He growled.
Cordelia gulped and blinked. “Right. Really bad idea.” She turned and ran out of the room.
***********
“Hi, Bye, shower.” Cordelia barreled in and slammed the bathroom door.
Gunn raised his brows past his non-existent hairline at the entrance.
Fred shrugged. “She’s been held captivate and tortured and almost died maybe she needed a shower. She probably just wanted to use my shampoo.” Fred shook away her puzzlement at the fact that it was the same shampoo that Cordelia used, in fact Cordy was the one that bought it for her at that expensive salon. But then Cordy probably didn’t have hers with her being all captive and everything. It had to be the shampoo because Fred really couldn’t come up with any other reason why Cordelia would barge in to use her shower when Angel had one right across the hall and then there were the ones down the hall, in fact the whole hotel was full of them. Not that Fred minded Cordy could use her shower anytime she wanted, but the shampoo thing was the only reason she could think of why Cordy would.
“Q-U-A-R-K’ Fred said laying down her tiles, the issue of Cordy and the shower settled in her mind.
“Quark, that’s the funny looking Star Trek bartender not a word, T.V. weird alien person, you lose.”
“No, quark is a noun, any group of subatomic particles having a fractional electric charge and thought to constitute, together with their anti-particles, all baryons and mesons. Originally coined in 1963 by U.S. physicist Murray Gell-Mann.”
“Uh.”
“I won.” Fred smiled widely at the scrabble board that rested between the couple’s knees.
“Next time we're playing ‘Galaxy is Mine’,”.
“Really,” Fred’s eyes got wide. “You never let me play.”
“Yeah, well just don’t get your buttery popcorn fingers all over the joy stick”
“You never complained before.” Fred pushed up her glasses and leaned back on the bed.
“Down, nasty girl” Gunn laughed.
***********
Cordelia wavered to knock or not. She was a little unsure. One because she wasn’t really sure Angel was through with his shower and she wasn’t quite sure that she was ready to see him in a towel again and two, she was just a little furious. She would go with furious until she got over the butterflies and weak muscles.
“Hmmph.” She stared at the clothed vampire who was gazing dejectedly out the night window.
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be. You all concerned about what I’d be missing, so you give it to me just so I’d know. Thank you very much. My potential of frustration just skyrocketed a few hundred degrees. And what’s worse I think you did it on purpose, too prove some stupid man point.”
Angel turned. “Will I ever be able to lie to you again?”
“Better not.” Cordelia huffed then sat on the bed. “Fred and Gunn think I’m crazy.”
Angel stared at the young woman. Her body warming up from what had to be as cold of a shoulder he had taken, it was already getting flush again. Her wet hair framed waves around her pout. God, he wanted her. He had kept the hand that had touched her out of the water for the longest time, trying to recapture the feel, the taste, even through the material of her pants he felt her heat, it seared him, they both were truly lost if he ever touched the unprotected heat.
“Cordy,” Angel moved to the woman.
She scooted back. “Stop, you’re dangerous.”
Angel paused. “Yes, and if you remember that and I remember that, then this won’t happen again.”
“I knew it. You forgot.”
Angel winced a little at that. “I thought that….”
“Your need to prove a point would be stronger. A challenge. Not much of a challenge. I’m surprise you’re not disappointed.”
“Cordy.”
“I was pretty easy.”
“With me.” Angel smiled that same smile the one that started the whole thing in the first place.
Cordelia narrowed her eyes. “Exactly how much is the soul and how much is Angelus.”
Angel stepped back. “I think the evil indiscriminate killing and torture could be labeled purely Angelus.”
Cordelia laughed. “I’m thinking that still leaves a lot of danger in you my sexy, broody, pain in the ass, dork, wonderful, dark, issued-filled champion.”
“Cordy,” Angel knelt at the bed at her feet. “I love you and you’re right.”
Cordelia made a face but still smiled. “What we need to do is talk about my plan now. We won’t be able to fix the other mess here, in this room, right now.”
“But we will, you said we could. Cordy, I didn’t think…” Angel wasn’t sure anymore, he knew after the fact that he had been arrogant and a fool to tempt himself. He really had gone into it thinking that he could control himself under the circumstances and he did, but definitely not as well or as smoothly as he had hoped.
Cordelia tilted down, caressing the strong insecure face before her. “We will.”
Angel’s dead heart soared at the confidence for her words. He knelt back. “You had a plan.”
“Yes, but before we put this other issue away for the night- Angel, I do love you and among all of the other pleasure you give everyday, you have the ability to…” Cordelia blinked away and licked her lips then biting them as she gazed back to the face that was waiting. “To give me amazing physical pleasure, leaving me with dreams and desires I should hate you for, but I don’t. I love you and I know you love me. You proved a point tonight, a rather obvious one, but still valid, but have I? I believe that everything will be okay. I’m happy, even though, I know what I’m missing. I believe this because we love each other; I believe that we will help the helpless, I believe bad first starts aside, or second with you, we are good people, we deserve happiness and I believe that we will have it. You will get Connor back. Our family will be whole. It will. I’m feeling pretty happy right now, aren’t you? Angel, you have to trust. Can you?”
Angel stared at the young woman’s beseeching eyes thoughts of his need to possess her body fleeing as the eyes bore into his, thoughts of his fears and doubts ran away just as quickly, he was left with nothing but her beautiful eyes and the words of the Conduits, spoken in answer to his final plea. The meaning of the words spoken in this chamber before. That what scares you the most, you must trust. She may, she is stronger than expected. Can you?
The Conduits words, Can you, asked with doubt just as Cordelia was doing now. She believed in him, but could he believe in himself, that was what she was asking, what the Conduits were asking. He looked at the beautiful woman on his bed, he could take her and destroy her in a second with one swift move, she’d be under him and dead, he was the physically stronger, yet, she was really the stronger, her faith was unlimited just like her love. Angel moved back, he didn’t deserve….the thought stopped. If he had said that out loud, Cordy would’ve hit him. He had to believe, not just that he loved her and that she loved him, but that he was entitled to love. It was difficult, years with the soul had made him doubt his self-worth after all the atrocities of Angelus, who was he kidding he had doubts as to his worth when he was human. Angelus was the only time when he hadn't and that was because the demon hadn’t cared. But Angel did, he wanted to be worthy of Cordelia’s love. He glanced again at the young woman, who had remained uncharacteristically silent during the last few moments. “Help me.” His voice cracked as the real truth of what he wanted came crashing down.
Cordelia blinked away her forming tears, and held out her arms, moving her body closer, grabbing the vampire and hugging him with all of her love. “We can do this Angel, we can have Connor back, we can have our family back and we will figure out how to love each with out the risk of Angelus. We are the goods guys, they do get a break every once in awhile and its time for ours.” She murmured into his hair, her hands moving in comforting pattern along the vampire’s shoulders and back.
Angel buried his head into the giving chest. It was safe there. Angel would be all right if he could just stay in the confines of the warmth that cradled him. But, he also knew that he couldn’t stay there, Cordelia loved him to be sure, but she didn’t expect him to hide but to fight for the mission and what she thought they deserved. Angel leaned back up, kissing her tenderly on the lips. There in the softness of that gentle kiss, Angel had another epiphany. He didn’t really like it. His clarity wasn’t at all fair to Cordelia. But it was what he knew to be true. Angel brought his forefinger down Cordelia’s face. “You deserve more than you’ll ever know, more that I can ever give you, but I’ll accept willingly all that you offer. You are my love and my anchor and what will save me. I TRUST you.”
Cordelia leaned away from his reaching touch. “Angel, you have to trust yourself, not me, I mean, yeah you can trust me, but…Angel, geez that’s quite a lot of pressure there. I can’t be your redemption.”
“Tough, you’re tough, you’ll deal with it.”
“Angel.”
“No, Cordy, you can do this for me.” Angel moved his expression sure and filled with a confidence that was absence before. “I’m selfish. Always have been, I’ve tried the martyr bit, I don’t like it. I have you. I love you. You will save me. You have proven that time after time. I won’t give you up.”
“Angel, no ones asking you too, and why am I feeling a bit nervous right now.”
“Because Cordelia Chase I’ve just laid my heart and soul at your feet, they’re yours do with what you see fit.”
“Angel, I can love you, I can help you, but I can’t….Angel the choices you make have to be yours. They have to be.”
“My choice is mine, I choose you.”
“Angel,” wringing her hands more and her voice cracking. “I can tell you want to do, I can yell, guilt whatever, but they have to be your choices- that’s how your soul will be redeemed. As much as I like the idea, you CANNOT really follow me around like a little puppy.”
Angel smiled. “But I like following you around.”
“Angel, stop what’s wrong with you.”
“Nothing’s wrong, soul safely in place, I just know that I don’t necessarily trust the Powers, but I do trust you. But, I know you have enough courage and love and heart, that you’re decisions will be the right ones for you, for me, for our family. I trust you Cordy.”
“Angel,” Cordelia fidgeted. She didn’t like this. Sure, she told everyone what she thought. But, Angel, like this, like he would take her word as golden, what if she was wrong. She had been wrong about ‘evil’ Skip. He trusted her too much. She couldn’t…” Angel, I can’t.”
“Trust Cordelia, you can, now what was your plan?”
“My what?” Cordelia tried to focus. She did have a plan. Cordelia just needed to remember it. ‘Okay,” she breathed deeply, amazed and wondering how she, the selfish girl in high school, became the heart of anything, much less Angel and the scary thing was Angel believed it. Cordelia rolled back her shoulders; she did have a plan, one that would work, and one that would bring her family together. “Easy” she said with the confidence brought on by trust and love. "Find Justine and make her tell us exactly how Holtz died. Then we get Connor from Wolfram & Hart and tell him the truth.”
“That’s your plan?” Angel wondered how a couple of hours of angst and pleasure could conclude with a two-sentence plan, but he was very happy at Cordelia’s expression. She didn’t doubt, she knew that this was the way to proceed. Angel shrugged.
“Yes, and if we have to give that little evil Pollyanna a whooping so be it. Oh, and once Connor’s safely with us, Wesley will quit Wolfram & Hart and come back where he belongs.”
“Wesley’s…”
“No, Angel. I understand why you wanted him there. Destroy from within- I get it. But it won’t work or at least it won’t be worth it. Our family is the priority not revenge against Wolfram & Hart. If they find out about Wesley, they will kill him. He has to come to home.”
Angel got off the bed. “I want….” Forgetting for the moment that he had just relinquished pretty much everything to the woman sitting before him.
“To tear the place apart. I know. Look, Angel, I’m not saying we can’t kick some lawyer’s butts in the process, the more the merrier, but the priority has to be getting Connor and Wesley away from them.”
“Cordy, Connor still doesn’t trust me, he won’t want to come.” Angel was confident that his trust in Cordy was right; his instincts were just still having a hard time not just going and killing the threat. Angel straightened, he wasn’t weak any longer, his demon would not control, he had already proven that when he left Cordelia on his bed without just taking her and all that she promised. He could wait for that happiness just like his demon could wait to kill. Cordelia had told him that everything would be okay. Angel began to believe that even his demon recognized that its survival began and ended with the woman in his arms.
***********
“Pooh, he can’t like it there. And you know what it doesn’t matter, I know I was all for giving him room, letting him come to you on his own and I believe at the time I was right or would’ve been without the interference by whatever plan Justine put in motion. No, we need him home, and then we can deal with everything else. Tough love, buster, Connor needs it.”
“I don’t…”
“Angel, I’m right and once we take care of that then we can concentrate on us.”
“Us, I like the sound of that.” Angel smiled pulling her up into his embrace, wanting all over to bring that amazement of ecstasy back to her face, wanting to delve in all that she offered. He smiled and just kissed Cordelia. Kissing was good and kissing was safe. Angel deepened the kiss making the most of what they could have of each other.
Cordelia leaned up taking a breath, her hands resting on his shoulders. “Me, too. I’ve been thinking, Anita’s brothel had the paranormal prophylactic elixir that allowed me to keep the visions when…”
Angel kissed her quickly stopping her words. “Don’t mention that potion, please. It’s purpose, the whole debacle of getting it, everything…I’d really rather not think about it ever again.” Angel’s tone was upbeat, only because he was forcing his instincts down, he had always hated the fact that Cordelia asked him to go on that ‘little’ mission for her and Groo and worse that his inability to refuse his seer forced him to go. Those imagines brought out his inner-voice; it was mumbling kill, kill, kill, but it was only a grumbling not a real need. Angel knew its normal scream was being tempered by the knowledge that Groo had flopped it up. Though a part of Angel was strangely mad about that, Cordelia deserved everything and the bumbling hero couldn’t give it to her. Wait. He was glad about that, no more thoughts of killing needed.
Cordelia started to speak but rethought her words at Angel’s expression. “Angel, it happened okay and as…. not comfortable for you as it was, and it was really stupid of me to ask you, but ….you are my best friend…and whatever….it did happen and Anita had potions to stop prophecies, maybe also curses. It should be checked out.” Cordelia paused at Angel’s silence. “Unless, you’ve decided that finding a way to make love, isn’t on the things to do list.”
Angel’s head shot up.” Every possibility will be checked out,” he growled, yanking Cordelia back into his arms, kissing her with all the love and desire that was running rampant through his body or rather what he could handle.
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