Title: Days of Our Lives
Author: angelicladyd
Posted: 12-31-2003
Email: AngelicLadyD@aol.com
Rating: R
Category: Drama, humour
Content: Cordelia/Angel, Fred/Lorne, Wesley/Gunn
Summary: It’s the year 2007, and boy how life has changed for Angel Investigations.
Spoilers: Season 3 - WITW, everything else is my imagination.
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Anywhere. Just let me know.
Notes: No Holtz arc. No vision-stealing comshuck with Groo. No F/G/W love triangle. Angel’s soul is permanent after his "Epiphany." (Yes, I punked out on coming up with a cooler explanation.) The Pylean language is apparently very much like Dutch. There’s probably more, when it comes up, I’ll address it.
Feedback: Feed me!
Thanks/Dedication:Prologue: 2003
Angel knew he was lingering longer than necessary. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her. He trusted her completely. He just couldn’t keep his eyes off of Cordelia Chase and his son, Connor. It was just something about the way Cordelia was with his son that made his insides melt. He never thought he could feel so close to perfect happiness without sex. His son was so happy to be outside in the courtyard with Cordelia exploring the garden. He couldn’t give that to his son and he felt lucky to have a best friend who was willing to fill in all the gaps.
“Do you think she’s okay?” Angel asked Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, his eyes never leaving the twosome.
Wesley looked up from their current case file. “As okay as one can be in her situation.”
“You think? You don’t think she’s been…I don’t know…different?”
If Angel didn’t know her better, he wouldn’t be worried but he was. She was different. At least towards him. He could swear that she was hiding something from him. She was holding back. Sometimes she would flinch at his touch. The soft caresses, the innocent kisses, the lingering touches which he had grown to love and expect were tainted with her anxiousness.
“She’s six months pregnant with a half-demon’s child. I think that constitutes being different. Who really knows all the changes she’s going through.”
“Well, we need to find out!” Angel snapped causing Wesley to eye him cautiously. “We need to find out what kind of demon she became. We need to find out how that affects her pregnancy with Groo. We need to find out why she isn’t having any visions.” We need to find out why I suddenly make her uncomfortable.
“When Fred gets back with Gunn, we’ll look into it. Although, considering the relatively normal pregnancy check-ups she’s had for the past six months, I don’t think the situation is that urgent.”
“It is to me.”
Angel saw her attempting to get up from the blanket but she was experiencing trouble. He rushed out into the courtyard, only to flinch back as the midday rays scorched his skin.
“Dada!” Connor called, his arms reaching towards his father who could do nothing but watch from the sidelines.
It was times like these that Angel hated being what he was. But one thing was for certain. If Cordelia or Connor were in danger, he would be to their rescue without any hesitation. If his death could save their lives, it was a small price to pay.
“That’s right,” Cordelia cooed finally standing with the assistance of the stone bench. Connor was dangling from her arm. “We have to tell Daddy all about our adventure.”
“I bet you had a lot of fun,” Angel said choking back his emotion.
“Oh, yeah,” she waddled her way under the clearing. She passed Connor off to him as Angel placed his hand on her lower back to help steady her. It pained him when she moved away.
“I got your lunch ready,” Angel announced opening the lobby doors for her.
“Oh, thank you,” Cordelia said with a small smile. “I’m not really hungry right now though. So, um, I’ll eat it later. I think I’ll go and lie down.”
“Oh, okay,” Angel replied trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice.
Lunchtime was a special time during the day. He had fixed her current favorite dish. Baked spaghetti with lots of hot sauce. He hoped that it would cheer her up. She was pulling further and further away. He wanted to pull her back in before she was too far gone.
He didn’t know when it had happened but she was the barometer for his mood. If she was happy, he was happy. If she was sad, he was sad. If she was lost, he was lost. He was lost, and he desperately wanted her to be happy.
***
Cordelia didn’t make it to her bedroom. Morning sickness that couldn’t tell time had reared it’s ugly head once again.
Angel had reformed a conference area on the lobby level for her. More often than not, after spending the day taking care of Connor and receptionist duties, she was too tired to go home. She didn’t have the energy to climb stairs, although she was sure that Angel would have carried her up and down like her own personal elevator if she asked. She cried when she saw what he had done for her.
She was beyond emotional these days. Being with Connor calmed her nerves. She found that whenever she was anxious, if she held Connor, she would calm down.
Maybe it was hormones because she was pregnant that made her extra maternal, but she loved Angel’s son more than she ever thought possible. It made her happy to see Connor beam whenever she would walk into a room. She was the only one who could make him go into hysterics with her special games. He never laughed as hard as with her. The others would try her games with him, and he would just stare.
She didn’t know what Angel had planned but she was more than willing to be a mother to Connor. He was going to need one. Darla wasn’t around, and even if she was, she still had the same limitations as Angel. The whole ‘creature of the night’ put a damp on daytime parenting. Plus, she was going to be a real mother in a few months anyway. What’s one more child to the mix? She didn’t plan to go anywhere, unless Angel had other ideas.
Angel. She didn’t know what it was about that souled vampire that got under her skin. It was like a scratch that she just couldn’t relieve. She refused to let him play with her mind. He couldn’t hold her the way he did. He couldn’t kiss her the way he did. Not after what had happened. She knew deep in her soul that she couldn’t blame Angel but she needed someone to blame for why Groo wasn’t alive, and why she was going to have to be a single parent.
The thing that she loved about Groo was the thing that got him killed. He didn’t think. He just felt. He felt everything so passionately that she got caught up in his passion. He believed more than anything that she was the love of his life, and he made her believe. Made her believe that everything would be okay. That he would protect her from everything, even herself. He was a champion. An undefeated champion who never lost. She wouldn’t have to worry about losing him. He could be the stabilizing force in her life.
Groo didn’t wait for Angel, Wesley and Gunn. He just rushed to save the day, and he was completely outnumbered. Her visions were for Angel. Groo shouldn’t have been there. At least not without Angel. Angel could take care of himself in this world. Groo couldn’t. At least not yet. If only Angel had gotten there sooner. If only he could have saved Groo, then maybe she wouldn’t feel this longing in her heart. Maybe she wouldn’t feel as if something was missing in her life. Maybe she wouldn’t be scared and lonely all of the time trying to figure out how to make it through the day.
She didn’t get a chance to love Groo, not the way he loved her. She could have though if she had been given a chance. And now he was gone but not for good. She would always have a part of him; in their child.
Cordelia didn’t know when she started to cry but when the tears started, they wouldn't stop. She clutched to the side of the tub for support as the tears raked her body. She wanted to drown in the tears. She wanted to make it all go away. The pain. The uncertainty. The nagging feelings in her heart towards her best-friend.
If she could just keep the distance, maybe the feelings would go away. Maybe she could be around him without wanting to escape the pain with him inside of her, him screaming her name and claiming her as his. She wouldn’t be afraid that when he placed an innocent kiss along her lips, that she wouldn’t deepen the kiss and never let go. She could go back to a time when she didn’t love him as more than a friend, and she didn’t have to worry about unrequited feelings.
But she was Cordelia Chase. Her life was filled with unrequited feelings. Her parents never loved her. At least not in the sense that mattered. Xander never loved her. He was too wrapped into Buffy, which is the same syndrome Angel is suffering from. For someone who has so many people loving her, Buffy doesn’t have an excuse to be so damn melodramatic. Her life isn’t so bad, at least not compared to Cordelia’s.
Cordelia didn’t even hear the door opening. It wasn’t until she felt cool arms wrapping around her that she noticed she was no longer alone.
***
Angel couldn’t stand it anymore. He heard her crying for the past ten minutes and it took everything in him not to rush to her side the first moment. He knew she needed time to let it out but she shouldn’t have to let it all out alone.
“Cordelia,” he said softly adjusting his body so that she could melt into him until she was comfortable. “Baby, what is it?” he asking, the endearment slipping effortlessly.
She just shook her head as the tears continued to fall.
“I wish you would talk to me.”
“I can’t,” she cried as she tried to pull away but he wasn’t going to let her go, not this time.
Angel wasn’t as good at coaxing information out of people like Cordelia was. She would talk to him, seemingly about nothing but before he knew it, he was spilling his deep, dark secrets not even knowing what hit him. He loved that about her. The way that she never let him brood for too long. She taught him what being a friend meant. And it meant that he wasn’t going to leave this bathroom before he knew what was wrong. He decided to go for something that would get her attention.
“You smell.”
“What?!” Cordelia asked alarmed as she slowly pulled away.
“I think you should take a bath.”
“I already took a bath this morning,” she hissed, the tears slowing as anger took over as the main emotion.
“Yeah, but not before baby throw up and,” Angel scrunched up his nose as he looked at the toilet, “morning sickness.”
“You’re one to talk. You have baby food everywhere. You should really wear a bib.”
“You think? Do they come in adult sizes?”
Cordelia looked at him as though he had lost his mind. At least she wasn’t crying anymore. He hated to hear a woman cry, especially if he didn’t know what it was about so he could fix it. Anger was good. He could deal with her anger.
“Angel, I really just want to be alone right now so you can take your little unhelpful comments and get the hell out of here.”
“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong.”
“No,” she said simply, and stuck out her tongue.
Angel surprised her by returning the gesture. He must have looked silly because her frown turned into a smile, then a soft chuckle. She had a beautiful smile. It wasn’t one of her heart melting smiles but he would get one of those out of her later.
“I just feel…I don’t know…depressed,” she confessed as she leaned against the tub for support.
Angel placed a hand on her knee, and squeezed before asking, “About what?” He almost wished he hadn't said anything because the tears started back up again.
“Everything!” she cried as her body began to heave. “Groo. My life. I’m going to be a single Mom. I’m only 22 years old. I feel like I’m 40 except that I have nothing to show for it.”
“I’m a single Dad. And if it helps, I’m 248 and still don’t have a clue.”
“That reminds me. We have to do something for your 250th birthday. I’m thinking black tie.”
Angel wasn’t going to let her get off of the subject. The last thing he cared about was his stupid birthday. When someone has lived as long as he has, the years just seem to blur together.
“Cordelia, you’re not alone in this.”
“Oh, I know. I’ll get Fred to help me plan.”
“No, I meant, alone as in being a parent. I’ll be there every step of the way just like you were with me. I can be like a father figure,” off her look, he clarified, “until you meet Prince Charming, of course.”
Cordelia sighed. “I doubt that’s ever going to happen. But thanks,” she said placing her hand over his. She gave it a quick squeeze. “I think my kid will be lucky to have you as a father figure. You’re amazing with Connor.” As he broke into a smile, she continued, “I can be a mother figure to Connor too. I mean, if you want me to.”
“Cordelia, don’t be stupid.” Her face fell, and he immediately regretted opening his mouth. “I meant that you already are a mother figure to Connor. And he’s damn lucky because there’s no one else I would want for the job.”
There it was. Her heart melting smile. He knew he could get it out of her.
***
“Girl, you’s a super freak. Super freak. You super freaky,“ Charles Gunn sang in a high voice with a smile as he danced towards the Hyperion doors with Winifred Burkle in tow. A tight smile formed on her features, while her hands were filled with takeout bags.
“It’s not freaky!” she admonished at her best friend. “I should have never told you.”
“No, it’s good to know that Lorne likes his larnerve licked. That‘ll come in real handy.”
“That’s just his horns and you know it. It happens to be a highly erogenous spot for Pyleans.”
“Yeah, but you’re not talking about the horns on his face.” Fred’s face turned several shades of red at the revelation that he knew. “It’s okay baby girl. All I’m saying is different strokes,” Gunn replied opening the hotel doors from them. “Yo, food’s here!”
“Ah, good, Fred. I need your help with something,” Wesley spoke lifting his head from the sea of books scattered in front of him. He just needed to cross reference a few passages to know for sure, but he was confident that he had figured out what type of demon Cordelia actually became.
“Okay. I’m just going to check on Lorne first. See if he’s feeling any better. My poor baby,” she said with a slight pout passing the bags off to Gunn before starting up the stairs.
Gunn laughed as he started to place the food on the front desk. “Who would have ever thought that they would hook up?”
“It’s quite simple really,” Wesley said as he stood up from his seat and made his way towards Gunn. “Ooh. Did you remember--” Gunn handed him a small bag composed of bean soup and a Snickers bar. Gunn’s rough hand rubbed against Wesley’s soft one with the exchange.
“Do I know my boy or what?”
“Yes, yes you do,” Wesley gave a small smile, his eyes looking towards the ground as he tried to keep his body’s physical reaction from the simple embrace from reaching his features. It was hard enough coming to grips with being gay, but his newfound feelings for his very heterosexual friend confused him even more.
“As for Lorne and Fred. Simple case of falling in love with your captors. She was in that world for five years. It’s become familiar and safe to her and---”
“Nah, they’re both just crazy,” Gunn interjected. “The good kind of crazy though. Where’s C-man?”
“Oh!” Wesley exclaimed running back towards his desk. Looking down, he saw the toddler had fallen asleep in his playpen. The bottle nipple was hanging out of the side of his mouth, a small dribble of formula running down his cheek.
“Aww, I want one,” Gunn teased bumping his shoulder against Wesley’s with a smile. “What’s all this?” he asked looking at the books on Wesley’s desk.
“Research. Angel wanted me to find out what kind of demon Cordelia became. I suppose we should have done it when it first occurred. He’s worried that there could be unseen complications with the pregnancy. With it not being normal and all.”
“Enlarging stomach. Check. Mood swings. Check. Weird ass cravings. Check. It seems pretty normal to me.”
“I think so too but you know how he is.” Wesley proceeded to take off his glasses to clean them.
“So find anything?” Angel asked walking into the office, his shirt noticeably damp in various spots.
“Problems?” Gunn asked raising his eyebrows. Angel gave him a blank stare. “Your shirt,” Gunn elaborated.
“Oh, Cordelia. She was upset and crying.” On Gunn’s look, he added, “She’s better now. In the kitchen, eating lunch.”
“I’m with Barbie,” Gunn stated reaching for his takeout bag and exiting.
Angel sat on the edge of Wesley’s desk, peering down at his sleeping son. Leaning down, he ran his hand through his soft brown curls. He loved his son and would do anything to ensure his safety. He had just agreed to be a father to Cordelia’s child. He needed to make sure both of his children would be taken care of.
“So what have you found?”
Wesley sat down behind his desk and pulled out his notepad with several pages of notes. “Well, it appears that Cordelia has become part Elvorian demon. The legend of elves are probably derived from these very demons. I thin--”
“Wesley, focus! Elvorian. Is that a good or bad thing for Cordy?”
“Very good!” Wesley exclaimed excited as he shoved a book into Angel’s hand. “They have the ability of foresight which is why I think the Powers chose this particular demon for her because she already had the ability with the visions. She may be in fact the only one alive now because they’re thought to extinct.“
Angel could slowly feel the tension drain from his body. His mind could finally be at rest with the assurance that nothing bad had happened to his best friend. He wanted to kill her himself when he found out that Cordelia had willingly become part-demon just for him. She just accepted it, no questions asked, just so she could be with him. Angel didn’t know how he could ever repay her for her…He didn’t even have words to describe what made her do what she did but he was glad that she did. He couldn’t fathom his life without her. He knew it was a certainty some day down the road but not now. He needed her like he had never needed anyone before.
“Is the baby going to be okay?”
“The baby is completely normal. Because Cordelia is only half-Elvorian, her body still reacts like a human until she reaches her full potential which is around 25 or 27. Somewhere around there, but that’s when they stop aging. Angel, they’re immortal. She cannot be killed but by steel, fire, or of a broken heart. So it’s a good thing she’s having the baby now because in a few years, she won’t be able to.”
Angel let the words sink in. Immortal? Immortal as in never die? Immortal like him? His Cordelia was going to become immortal in only a few years? He would be able to be with her always. He couldn’t stop the smile from crossing his features at the thought.
“Did you know that people confused Elvorian demons for being angels because they tend to glow when cleansing their surroundings of darkness. In the early stages of their development, it’s mostly triggered by emotion. I wonder if Cordelia can do that. Fascinating.”
“Wesley.”
“Sorry, it’s not every day that you learn that your friend is an Elvorian demon! Angel, you’ve been given a great gift. Cordelia will be able to be your seer until you shanshu. Become human.”
“Shanshu,” Angel scoffed. “She doesn’t get that chance. She’s forever damned to be linked to me while I try to gain my redemption. Which I probably never will. Angelus is still in me. It’s still a struggle every day. I’m a selfish bastard because I want her to live forever just so she can be with me. Because I’ve convinced myself that she’s mine. Because of me Cordelia never had the chance at a normal life. She’s going to have to bury her child and never gain rest from it. No parent should ever have to bury their child.”
“Angel, you realize that you too will probably have to bury Connor before you die.”
“But I deserve this. I don’t deserve happiness. She deserves every happiness in the world, Wesley. Before I even became Angelus, I was nothing but a waste of space. Cordelia is…”
Angel looked down at the floor as he struggled to keep his emotions in. Not once had he ever verbalized his fears in all of his long years, and here he was breaking down in front of Wesley. Someone who’s opinion counted for more than Angel ever thought it would. Angel couldn’t bear to hear Wesley confirm his every fear. That he was unworthy of it all. Cordelia. Connor. Happiness. That he would never overcome his past. Forever tormented with pain that he could never alleviate.
“…She’s everything right, good and pure in this world. Everything I’m not.”
“Angel, Cordelia loves you. She thinks that you’re good and deserve happiness. We all do. She made a choice. She chose to become part demon. She chose to fight along your side. You can’t torment yourself over what‘s happened.”
Wesley didn’t know what else to say to comfort his friend. He hesitated a beat before walking over to Angel and placing a hand on Angel’s shoulder. Giving a soft squeeze, Wesley told him, “It’s all going to work out. Just wait and see.”
Part 1: 2007
Eyeing her godfather closely, Aisling (pronounced Ashling) Chase wiped whip cream over her small chin, mirroring his movements with his shaving cream.
The three-year-old was Gunn’s permanent shadow. If Gunn was in the area, Aisling wasn’t far behind. He was her best friend. No one knew where she picked up the notion of a best friend, probably from the small allocated television time Angel permitted, but she had firmly given Gunn the title.
Her small frame was engulfed in one of Gunn’s Lakers jerseys down to her ankles. Her feet, toes painted hot pink, were kicking up and down as she bounced back and forth to the hip-hop emitting from the bathroom’s stereo system.
"Baby girl, it’s a crime for us to look this good," Gunn winked down at her, his muscular body quarantining her to prevent her from falling off the bathroom counter._
Gunn lifted his electronic razor to his chin and Aisling quickly reached for her small pink Gillette to do the same, shifting her body so she was looking into the mirror. The razor had been removed. Safety first.
By the end of the shaving session, most of the whip cream had ended up in her mouth and Gunn was sporting a trimmed goatee.
"How do I look?" he asked striking a pose that sent the toddler into hysterics.
"Good," Aisling stated with a firm nod, a look of adoration plastered on her features.
"Okay, ready for lunch?" he asked scooping her up in his arms and exiting the bathroom. He could clean up later. His stomach was currently calling the shots.
"I wanna go to McDonald’s!"
"You always want to go to McDonald’s. Variety is a good thing. Let’s get some KFC."
"No!" Aisling said firmly, crossing her arms, her legs kicking as they entered the Hyperion lobby. "I want McDonald’s!"
"Well, tough. I want KFC and I’m driving."
"Guunnn," she pouted, her face scrunched up in pain. "I wanna play on the go round. Plleeasse."
Gunn rolled his eyes as she set her down on the ground. "Fine, whatever. Get your shoes. I‘m going to ask Uncle Wes what he wants."
Gunn hesitated at the door as he heard the distinctive clicks of Wesley’s mouse. He debated whether or not he should go in. Things between them had been so great lately. The awkwardness was becoming more bearable. Things looked like they were slowly returning to normal. He was just asking him if he wanted something for lunch. That’s safe. A man’s gotta eat.
“Hey, Wes,” Gunn greeted entering the dark office. The computer screen cast a ghostly glow onto Wesley’s face.
“Gunn,” Wesley greeted turning on the lamp. The bright light caused him to flinch as Gunn approached and sat on the edge of his desk.
Wesley’s eyes had been bothering him lately because he was spending so much time in front of the computer. Darkness seemed to help. Fred had gone to great lengths to catalog the agency’s collection of books with a program she designed for easy researching. It had only taken four and a half years but it saved a tremendous amount of time. Even with the easy access, he was still drawing a blank in his latest case.
“Researching?” Gunn asked, a smirk on his features causing Wesley to look back to the computer that Gunn was staring at.
Wesley’s current game of Solitaire was displayed in all it’s glory. He quickly commandeered the mouse, minimizing the program. “It’s not what you think. It’s a very high tech code that I’m trying to crack. It appears to be a mere solitaire game but it’s not.”
“Uh, huh.”
“Things are...slow in the research department,” Wesley admitted as a smile spread across his features.
“I was just coming to see if you wanted lunch. Me and the spawn are going to McDonald’s.”
Wesley frowned at the idea as he leaned back in his leather chair. “Me and my stomach will pass.”
“My feelings exactly. I’m just being nice and giving her some playtime. I’ll hit KFC before we stop.”
“Don’t be too long,” Wesley said reaching for his cup of herbal tea, that was now unpleasantly cold.
“Hey, things are slow this week.”
“I know but things could pick up. We are running a business.”
Gunn wasn’t in the mood for an argument. “Well, I’m going to enjoy the break. Since the new commercial, featuring yours truly, we’ve been swamped. I like stalker boyfriends and demon slaying as much as the next guy but solo quality Gunn time has been seriously lacking. It was starting to affect my look.”
“You look really great,” Wesley blurted out before he could stop himself. He knew Gunn was going to read more into the comment than it he meant. “The shave,” Wesley clarified.
The wrinkles in Gunn’s ebony skin unfolded as he rubbed his chin. “Ash trimmed me up. Not as good as you but...”
“Well, let’s see,” Wesley said getting up from his chair and approaching Gunn. Gunn adjusted his position on the desk, his legs widening to accommodate Wesley who closed the space between them. “No, she did a good job,” he said softly as his thumb rubbed against the prickly hair on Gunn’s chin.
The two men whose faces were inches away from each other, locked eyes for a couple of minutes. The realization of the close proximity of their bodies was starting to affect them. Gunn knew that he should move, that things could escalate but he didn’t. Gunn’s tongue licked his lips which Wesley took as an invitation. He leaned over and pressed his lips against Gunn’s. As hard and sculpted as Gunn’s body was, Wesley was always surprised at how soft his lips were. Wesley waited for the resistance but Gunn surprised them both by deepening the kiss.
A moan escaped Wesley’s mouth as Gunn’s hands cupped his buttocks and pulled him close until their groins were in contact. Wesley instinctively began to grind against Gunn, the need to be closer magnifying with each passing moment of their passionate kiss. The kiss was no longer chaste, it was wet and reckless, causing Wesley’s knees to buckle.
“Wesley, no,” Gunn panted, pushing the Englishman away with a hard shove. “I’m sorry. We talked about this.”
It had taken years for their relationship to evolve, and it was still no where near resolution. Gunn knew Wesley was gay. He bravely told them all a few months after Aisling was born. It was then that Gunn started to pick up on Wesley’s subtle flirtations and hints. There was just no way that Gunn was ever going to reciprocate those feelings.
Then one night it happened. Gunn was hurt and vulnerable after his breakup with his girlfriend of one year, Gwen, and drowned his sorrows in alcohol. Broken, he appeared on Wesley’s doorstep for comfort and one thing led to another. It was only a one time thing in Gunn’s mind but the drunken comfort nights kept happening, until the drunk part was no longer a prerequisite.
To maintain control of the situation, Gunn set up a series of rules that couldn’t be broken. No kissing on the mouth. No spending the night. Wesley performed the oral sex. Gunn was the only one allowed to top. This allowed Gunn to believe that it was just normal sex. He could close his eyes and pretend that he was with a woman. It made it easier to think that his want of the sex, his constant instant arousal around Wesley and the intensity of his ejaculations was just the act of sex. It had nothing to do with the fact that it was with a man. Wesley was the faggot. Not him.
Gunn didn’t know how it happened but he was the one to start breaking the rules. He couldn’t stop himself from kissing Wesley during one of their rambunctious bouts of lovemaking. Gunn’s eyes were wide open, and Wesley’s name was the name he was screaming at the top of his lungs with each crashing orgasm. The other rules soon went out of the window. Things started to get serious. Feelings were involved. Wesley loved Gunn and made the mistake of telling him.
That’s when things started to become a little too real for Gunn. Sure, he had strong feelings for Wesley. But love? With a man? Gunn wasn’t ready to completely immerse himself into that world. Although Wesley, and everyone at Angel Investigations already knew that he had switched teams, until Gunn came to grips with his homosexuality, their relationship had to end.
In rebellion, Gunn started dating every girl in sight. He would flaunt them in Wesley’s face, causing the Englishman great pain. Gunn was sorry to cause the person he had grown to care a lot about pain but at the same time thought it was necessary to prove to not just himself, but everyone, that Charles Gunn loved women and was destined to be with one. The thing with Wesley was never suppose to be anything serious. It was sex.
Gunn hated the fact that Wesley actually made him feel. He had been numb for so long after his sister, Alonna, died that it became comfortable and safe. Gunn was running scared because Wesley forced him to open up and share his deepest secrets, fears and dreams. Wesley caused him to finally trust in someone else and think that maybe he wasn’t meant to be alone. With Wesley there was someone who got him, and accepted him with no expectations. Wesley made him feel safe, and made him believe that love with him was right and good. It couldn’t be.
The scariest thing of all to Gunn was the fact that maybe he did love Wesley. Even if he couldn’t say it, deep down, somewhere in his heart he knew that he did love Wesley, in more than a platonic way, and it had nothing to do with sex. Things were way out of control.
If Gunn could just get back to the way things were before they took the leap from friends to lovers, he could get past this. The main thing was that he wanted his friendship with Wesley back. He wanted his life to be uncomplicated. It couldn’t be that way if they kept getting physical. His hormones just got in the way.
“We can’t keep doing this,” Gunn said standing from the desk, and putting some distance between them. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore. You want more than I can give you.”
“Charles, you don’t know what I want,” Wesley said firmly. “I’m a grown man. I assure you, I can handle this.”
“Well, I can’t.”
“It would be easier if you were just honest with yourself. It’s okay, you know. I’ve been there.”
“I am honest!” Gunn snapped, starting to get upset over where the conversation was going. He thought about this day in and day out. He didn’t need Wesley telling him what to do. He would do what he damn well pleased. “You just don’t like the fact that what I honestly want isn’t you.” Gunn wanted to take it back. He wanted to wipe the look on Wesley’s face away but he couldn’t. It had to be this way. “Let’s just stick to the plan.”
“Fine,” Wesley said as he got control of his emotions. He wasn’t going to let Gunn see him weak. He wasn’t going to let Gunn know he had cut his heart into a million pieces with only a few words and Wesley wanted to cry and beg him to take the words back. He would maintain some level of dignity. He was Wesley Wyndam-Pryce. He had survived through worst. Gunn had nothing on his father.
Putting on a blank face, Wesley walked back to his desk. Keeping his eyes on the screen, he told him, “I have work to do. Kindly shut the door on your way out.”
As the door slammed, Wesley couldn’t stop the tears from falling.
***
"Daddy!" Aisling exclaimed running into Angel’s office, miraculously not tripping on the jersey still engulfing her small frame. Ignoring the couple seated in front of the desk, she jumped onto the vampire causing a loud grunt to escape from his throat. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. "Me and Gunn are going to McDonald’s! You can come too!"
"Honey," Angel sighed lifting her off of his lap and placing her back on the ground. "Daddy is working. Remember, you’re not suppose to come in here when Daddy is with clients. I can’t come with you." He didn’t mention the fact that it was high noon and he would burst into flames. Aisling just didn’t seem to remember that important detail.
"Are you mad at me?" she asked because of his tone, her eyes wide with concern, her bottom lip quivering.
"Never sweetheart," Angel assured her, his voice softening, as he tapped her button nose with his finger. "Tonight we can do whatever you want. I promise.”
“You can play Pirates with me and Dennis!” she chirped jumping up and down. The motion caused her to trip on the jersey, her arms in the air as she started falling backwards. With his vampire reflexes, Angel caught her before she hit the ground. Aisling broke into hysterics as her father shook his head.
“Okay, time to take this thing off,” Angel said pulling the jersey over her head.
“Knock. Knock.” Gunn announced walking into the office. Angel eyed Gunn as the familiar strong cologne of the Englishman was mixed intimately with Gunn’s scent. Cordelia had told him that they had broken up two months ago. "What?” Gunn asked the vampire defensively.
“Nothing,” Angel said lifting his hands in the air indicating no harm.
“Come on Aisling. I ain’t got all day.”
“Bye Daddy!” Aisling smiled kissing her hands repeatedly, blowing the kisses at her father.
“Bye sweetheart.” Angel smiled tossing Gunn the Lakers jersey that he caught effortlessly. “I love you.”
“Love you!” she grinned, her long brown hair flying in the air as Gunn reached down and threw her over his shoulder.
“I am really sorry about that,” Angel told the Molverk demon couple once the office had emptied. “There are usually no interruptions. Where were we?”
“She is so precious. Looks just like you too,” the wife commented with a smile interrupting her husband’s attempt to continue discussion of their case.
Angel broke into a grin. “Thank you.” It was the first time anyone had ever said that to him and it felt good.
***
"Baby, can we not talk about this right now?" Fred Burkle-Swath asked her husband, her glasses low on the bridge of her nose, as she twisted the nipple onto their one-year-old daughter’s bottle.
"You already know that answer," Lorne responded shifting their sleeping daughter, Julie Burkle-Swath, into the crook of his arm for a more comfortable position. Julie instinctively curled herself tighter in the embrace, a soft purr escaping through her pink lips.
There was a 50/50 chance of the biracial child coming out looking human. Luckily, she was the splitting image of her mother and escaped the trademark Pylean green skin, red eyes and horns. The nose and hair color, however, were just like her father’s.
"I’m sorry. I’m sorry! I‘m SORRY!" Fred exclaimed shoving the bottle into the plush pink diaper bag with such force that caused it to slide across the Hyperion kitchen island.
"So I take it you’re sorry?"
"Lorne." That one word held all the tension the petite Texan was trying to keep inside.
Fred had learned very early how to hide her emotions from Lorne, at least the ones that gave away her secrets. It wasn’t easy living with a demon would could read her aura all the time but she wouldn‘t change it for the world. Waking up to him every morning was the highlight of her day. She hated to know that he was hurting because of her.
His wife was a walking billboard for despair. Lorne knew she was sorry but that didn’t make it okay to lie to not only him, but her parents for the past four years of their marriage.
Lorne thought eloping in Las Vegas was romantic. Now all he could think was that she wanted to marry in secret so no one would find out. It didn’t bother Lorne that they never saw her parents because Lorne certainty didn’t see his but as close to her parents as Fred was one would think that meeting their only daughter’s husband, and now grandchild would be highly important. Her parents didn’t know about either. What did they think she was doing with her life?
He never thought that Fred was the type to be embarrassed of being married to a demon. Apparently, she was. Now that her parents were coming up for a surprise visit, a lot of things were getting out in the open.
"Oh, don’t even pretend that this is my fault, Winifred."
Winifred. She had cut deep. Lorne was never without an endearment for his wife. Off the top of her head, Fred could think of 25 he used frequently. He never once had ever called her by her birth name.
"Baby, our lives are so perfect. I didn’t want anyone to ruin it for us. They say they accept me and my life but for some reason, I just can’t believe them. I didn’t want you to be hurt because they didn’t get it. I don’t care what they think. I only care about what you think. What do you think? Do you still love me?"
When frustrated, he talked in his native tongue. "Schat, u weten ik van u hou. Ik net don’t achtig u heel veel net nu. U had hen moeten vertellen." (Sweetheart, you know I love you. I just don’t like you very much right now. You should have told them.)
Fred bit her lower lip as some tears began to fall down her redden cheeks. She leaned against the kitchen island, steadying herself to stop from falling. She had never felt so alone before. Even when she was physically alone in her cave in Pylea, she wasn’t alone. She had hope. She had memories. Without Lorne, she had nothing. She had been running from the deception for years. She never thought it would hurt so much to finally catch up with her.
"I can’t do this without you, Lorne. Alstublieft. (Please.)"
"You’re the last person that I thought would lie to me."
"I didn’t lie. I just…it‘s more like leaving out a few insignificant details. So in reality, you have no real reason to be mad at me. Being mad at me is like being mad at yourself because if you had just asked, which you never did, I would have told you the truth. I ain’t never told you a lie, Lorne. And it’s not like I ever met your Momma either. She probably wouldn’t like me either. Me being a cow and all. So--"
Lorne cut off his wife’s intense rambling. It got worse when she was upset. "Sugarplum, we’re not getting anywhere tonight. Let’s just finish this show tomorrow. We both need space. I’m going to stay at the hotel tonight."
"What? What about Julie? You know she can’t be without you." Like mother, like daughter, Fred thought. Neither of them could get a good night’s sleep without Lorne there. As soon as Julie woke up for her midnight snack, she wouldn’t settle down until her father sang her back to sleep.
"Call me when she wakes up," Lorne sighed looking down at his sleeping angel. "I’ll sing her back to sleep."
Lorne didn’t want to spend the night away from her but he had to. He knew this wasn’t something that was going to destroy their marriage, but it certainty was changed forever. He didn’t blindly trust his wife. Not like he use to. He thought he could tell everything about her but apparently his senses weren’t all they were cracked to be. He had a lot of thinking to do.
“I need to head over to the club,” Lorne announced placing the sleeping baby into her mother’s arms. He was headlining his own show at L.A.’s newest hot spot, Caritas Live! He was sold out a month in advanced already. His new club offered more than mere karaoke, and catered to demons and humans alike. It rivaled Vegas. “I know you come every night, but could you just not show up tonight? It’ll throw me off.”
“Lorne,” she cried, sobs at the back of her throat.
He knew what she needed. Reassurance that they were going to be okay. He could give her that, even with his emotions out of control, because he knew they would be. They loved each other too much.
Lorne placed a soft kiss against her lips. Even after five years, his kisses still warmed her from head to toe. With their foreheads still touching, she whispered, “Thank you.”
Continue on...